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Been on 32 mg of suboxene for 2 and half years decided to taper off, scared and feel
  1. #31
    DawnMarie81 is offline Junior Member
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    day 13 last night was rough slept some but woke up at 2 took my husband to work came home and the restless leg stuff kicked in so much for that I'm weaker today and just feel ready down. I was hoping to feel better but I'm sure I feel worse. I'm tired and I mean like exhausted its hard to get up my legs aching so bad but I'm here hope this gets better sooner than later I don't like it

  2. #32
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by DawnMarie81 View Post
    day 13 last night was rough slept some but woke up at 2 took my husband to work came home and the restless leg stuff kicked in so much for that I'm weaker today and just feel ready down. I was hoping to feel better but I'm sure I feel worse. I'm tired and I mean like exhausted its hard to get up my legs aching so bad but I'm here hope this gets better sooner than later I don't like it
    Dawn,

    I hope too that things begin to turn around soon for you. Did you follow Blackwilliam's thread at all. He posted here back in early February (there abouts). He jumped from a high dose of sub after a few years. If you haven't read that thread, try to find it. I think he began to sleep and feel better around week 3. I'll try to find it and bump it to the top for you. You have come so far. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but what you're doing some would have said would be impossible.

    Be kind to yourself today and I will be hoping that at least a part of your day turns around even for just a while.

    Peace,

    Cat

  3. #33
    DawnMarie81 is offline Junior Member
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    today honestly I didn't even want to say I'm here.Feeling hopeless and depressed

  4. #34
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    Hi dawn, so sorry you're still struggling so much!! I totally sympathize with your RLS. I posted on my thread about Magnesium oil spray. One of my employees gave me some and I kind of laughed it off. But in the middle of the night when I wanted to jump out of my skin, I sprayed it on my legs and it really worked! RLS is my BIGGEST demon in this and it drives me completely insane. But 2 nights now it has helped immensely. I think u should go to a health food store and get some. Apparently it absorbs a lot better through the skin than taking supplements.

    Good luck!!
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  5. #35
    DawnMarie81 is offline Junior Member
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    Man almost was admitted in the hospital by family because of my actions and attitude.. I take full blame I'm an ADDICT have been for years. but the one time I really decide it's time to really be clean u get hit with not only withdrawls but it kicks my bipolar in 5th gear.. I'm gonna read this Blackwell thread maybe it will help Got someone that gave me nuerotin it helped my legs a lot.I origonally was prescribed pain meds cause I have a lot of pain when they found a blood clot in my lungs and it almost killed me then onto being admitted several times because of a birth control mess up which caused me to bleed and be in a lot of pain, which ended in 11 surgeries... I genuinely hurt so now I can feel it all and everyone around me always is negative with comments like quit being weak and so on.Now my mind is messing with me and I get to where I wanna die I hate it I want to beat this and never turn back but its become the biggest challenge to date..Am I tough enough.

  6. #36
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Dawnmarie,

    You are strong enough. You are. All that negativity isn't doing you any good and I don't know what to tell you to help you with that. I do know how it is. Sometimes those around us don't want to get their hopes up so that they're not disappointed if this doesn't work for us. We've managed to disappoint so many times before we get it right. Ya know? I know the only thing I could do to cope, was to use it as motivation. Tell me I can't/won't and I'll show you I can/will! In your face!!

    Keep chugging along. You're going to make the turn very soon.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  7. #37
    DawnMarie81 is offline Junior Member
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    day 15 right? I swear Cat if I didn't read your responses every morning I don't know if I could make it ....You definitely are a motivation and I love it I do get the part of letting people down I have over the years lied and sold my belongings and well you know just made stupid choices and I do want to prove them wrong I slept most of the day yesterday I took serequil I was afraid of myself a little I was angry and mean and broke my favorite coffee mug then cried and layed down and just choose to sleep to just stay calm. I need a new doctor to help me manage my bipolar I can become manic easily and I can't control my emotions . I haven't had a lot of support not one friend or family member has called or text to see how I am or to ebcourge me that it will get better. .My ex husband my sons father has came and checked everyday brought me vitamin waters and food trying to help me , he cried yesterday when he came in and saw me said he wished he could take this away from me I love him for all he has done the last few days he's my best friend forever

  8. #38
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Dawnmarie,

    Wow. That is so nice for your ex! Sometimes we get married for the wrong reason. We love them, we can't live with them. I divorced my ex-husband almost 30 yrs ago and he's still A best friend (not the best friend). Lots of history some of which I am only now realizing I haven't really recovered from. Oh well. He will, just like yours, do anything for me. No way would I ever want to live with him again though.

    Hope today is better.

    Peace,

    Cat

  9. #39
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Dawnmarie, i fully feel you. Your story conjurs up bad memories of mine. Im 9 months clean. The key here for you is time. Thats the only cure. Whats nice is you WILL get back to your old self and get your mind normal again. I struggled hard with the first 3 weeks. It was hellish. The mental part is what nearly killed me. I was very emotional for a very long time. It was after a whole month that I started to see real good progress. U just have to hang on tight! Dont give in..... you will want to kiss me if you take my advice and let at least 2 months to go by.TRUST ME!
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  10. #40
    DawnMarie81 is offline Junior Member
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    Day 22 so I've had some good days recently and a couple where I begged my family to admit me for insanity .. I did plant on Friday and yesterday wasn't to bad, I am definitely depressed but I'm trying to cope.Sobriety is definitely going to be let's do today I'm sober for 22 days but still taking it a day at a time and not planning to far ahead...

  11. #41
    Gonnawin is offline Member
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    22 days is amazing progress Dawn!! I wish you could have tapered lower but it's not for everyone. You have to be getting closer to feeling better and more normal. I wish you much strength!!

  12. #42
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    Hey there Dawn,

    I just read through your thread and all I can say is WOW. Your truly an amazing woman. But some of your post scare the bejesus out of me. You talk about not wanting to be here and no will to go on. Did you get to an appointment with a doc about your bi-polar yet? I know that it's got to have a huge role in some of your issues. Don't get me wrong, the 4mg you jumped from is a CRAZY high dose. But you have to take into consideration that any type of mental disease on top of jumping off a skyscraper dose of subs, can lead you into a really really dark place. I hope there never comes a time when you actually consider suicide...

    When I was 4 yrs old my mother hung herself. I can't even begin to tell you how much that affected me through my entire life. I'm 45 now and just starting to understand the pain she was in, but for the longest time all I could think was she didn't even love me enough to stick around. I've been so angry with her for leaving me. Your son is 9 yrs old and I can't help but think how it would totally flip his world up-sided down. You mentioned that you begged your family to have you admitted to a hospital, but I pray that if you really feel suicidal, that you would admit yourself. Please get help now!!

    You are carrying such a heavy load with just the subs w/d. That alone can make you go crazy. The head games are brutal. I really can't get over how you made it this far. It blows my mind, and proves to me that you are an incredibly strong woman.

    I'm sorry to vent, I only meant to encourage you and tell you that I'm in awe of what you accomplished. Really and truly amazed!! But also hate to see you have to deal with the agony that bi polar brings on top of your fight for freedom of subs. I hope and pray you find a good doc that can help you with this tug of war. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and please keep posting, don't feel like your alone. As you can see from everyone's uplifting post, there are so many who care for you and wish you nothing but relief from your battle.

    Blessings to you,
    Shelly
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-18-2016 at 08:31 AM.

  13. #43
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by DawnMarie81 View Post
    Day 22 so I've had some good days recently and a couple where I begged my family to admit me for insanity .. I did plant on Friday and yesterday wasn't to bad, I am definitely depressed but I'm trying to cope.Sobriety is definitely going to be let's do today I'm sober for 22 days but still taking it a day at a time and not planning to far ahead...
    Yep. Thats how it goes. Up and down. You are at 23 days, you will hit that day where you briefly forget about pills any time now.

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