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Boyfriend addicted to Hydrocodone
  1. #31
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Ugh is right! Now what? That is the question of the day. Well I can't do a thing until I get my young child to bed tonight. We're supposed to go to dinner, the 3 of us. I cannot be fake when I'm seething inside but I need to be until bedtime.

    He already knows something is amiss. Last night I couldn't hide my feelings but also couldn't say I suspected anything. But I did say that I absolutely hate his job. Today he's asked if I'm okay a couple times. I just say, yep. Again, not to discuss in front of the child.

    I have no idea how to approach this. "So, hey. I was digging through your coat pockets..." All I can think to say is that his eyes look different and he's acting weird or off today. I don't know what to do!!

    He's been quite active today. He hasn't sat down once since he rolled out of bed at 11 this morning. I've never seen him work so hard around the house - especially non-stop for hours. That leads me to believe it is in fact Adderall.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-11-2016 at 06:23 PM. Reason: Add
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  2. #32
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Jumping in with my 2 cents again....

    I wish you would explain the pill you found in more detail...I was going to agree with Cat on the Morphine SR but after looking it up also you may be on track with Adderall. That brings up a couple things. I'm currently kicking through Day 6 off everything and if I could think of anything to give me a kick of energy other then something opiod based then I'd probably go for it, like Adderall. The bad things is Adderall is highly addictive also, this could be trading one pill addiction for another.

    The few days you mentioned when you packed was absolutely w/d symptoms believe that. I've been through that 3 times now and will never do it again, think I'd learn a lesson after 1 right? Not usually the case.

    Now the first time I went through it was off of mainly a hydrocodone addiction, used up to 60mg for 3-4 months straight daily pretty much. Only had w/d for a few days then mostly normal again. This really isn't what you're describing for him though. The longer you're on a drug the longer the w/d process is typically. Think at night when our minds go into sleep mode, that's when everything seems worse, like colds, flus, soreness, w/d's...If he is full of energy and talkative like Krash said then that's a sure sign he's on something right there.

    Staring in the pupils can be deceptive also if he knows what you're doing. One little trick I played on my GF was when she did that to me I'd stare straight back in her eyes. Naturally your pupils will decrease especially if there's any light in play in the room. Believe me, got so good at hiding it became a science.

    There has to be a point where you need to decide for yourself if you wanna play detective your whole life.
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  3. #33
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allied70 View Post
    Ugh is right! Now what? That is the question of the day. Well I can't do a thing until I get my young child to bed tonight. We're supposed to go to dinner, the 3 of us. I cannot be fake when I'm seething inside but I need to be until bedtime.

    He already knows something is amiss. Last night I couldn't hide my feelings but also couldn't say I suspected anything. But I did say that I absolutely hate his job. Today he's asked if I'm okay a couple times. I just say, yep. Again, not to discuss in front of the child.

    I have no idea how to approach this. "So, hey. I was digging through your coat pockets..." All I can think to say is that his eyes look different and he's acting weird or off today. I don't know what to do!!

    He's been quite active today. He hasn't sat down once since he rolled out of bed at 11 this morning. I've never seen him work so hard around the house - especially non-stop for hours. That leads me to believe it is in fact Adderall.
    Here's what I'd do. We are going for the all about honesty, right? I'd absolutely tell him that you've been suspicious but wanted to believe him when he denied everything. Your gut was telling you something different. So, yes tell him you have been searching and tell him exactly what you found, put back, and then found gone. He may be furious or he may be embarrassed. The proof is now in his belly but he knows how it got there.

    I really think you should lay those cards on the table and then let them fall where they may. Don't mention at first that you think you know what it is. See if he'll offer up an answer. He may just say that he's quit the hydro and is taking a small piece of Adderall to be able to keep working. He may tell you that it was something entirely different. I say BS! If you're going to be clean, then be clean. That means no pill popping. Be strong and be sure you stay in control We're awfully good at turning things around and making the other party feel guilty. Don't fall for it but don't fight either. Just the facts Mam.

    Let us know how it goes. Good luck!

    Peace,

    Cat

  4. #34
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Getmylifeback... Thank You!! Very helpful!! I appreciate the truth and no sugar coating! That's why I came here in the first place!

    Cat, you are exactly right and I know I need to do just that but I am SO SCARED! I have many reasons ... I don't want to start a fight (his temper, wow!), I don't want to embarrass him...

    But I know that I need to focus and be straight with him because this is about me and my child, not him. I only have control over us, not him. I cannot hear anymore lies or excuses. My child loves him and will be so devastated and he's still a little too young to understand. I want him to stay innocent as long as possible. And, I don't want to leave my fiancé. It hurts to think of it. BUT my son and I must come first. I've always put us first. I've never even allowed my son to see me with another man after his dad and I divorced. Until now.

    I've known my fiancé since we were teenagers. We never dated or were close. We were just in the same grade all the way through to graduation. We reconnected after both of us had married, started families and ultimately divorced our spouses. We've known each other for 30 years.

    I would have never moved my son into his home had I known all of this. I'm p i s s e d off that I've been pretty much mislead into believing what he was saying, "I'll always take care of y'all, blah blah"... I sold my home! I just can't believe this.

    I never would've figured this out if I hadn't pressed him to give me his logins to help with bills. That's how it all started. That's when I saw all the frantic calls one after the other to some number. Hundreds of texts to a certain number. I thought he was cheating! It does feel like he is honestly.

    Sorry I rambled but what's knew?

    I know what I need to do and Cat if I could have you speak through me so that I could hide in a corner, that would be great!

    I don't know if I can confront tonight even though I know I should. I just don't know if I have it in me.

    Ugh!!!!

  5. #35
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    A little bit of Wednesday night fireworks at the casa tonight. And not the pretty kind!

    We talked about how I hated his job. He said I need to get over it.

    I told him that I picture him and his co-worker friends walking around passing and popping pills all day.

    He says, then YOU have a problem! You blew this way out of proportion from the start!

    I said, I think you took something today!

    He laughed it off, tried to make me look stupid/crazy.

    I said, I don't trust you.

    He said, you need to leave then.

    I walked away.

    He followed a few minutes later. He said he came clean to me before even though he didn't have a problem. I said you admitted you did and he says oh yeah, I did but I didn't think it was a problem until I tried to stop. *head spinning*

    He then went on a tirade about how he already has enough to worry about so he doesn't need to worry about this too.

    I said, you don't need to worry about this, I do!!

    He got angry and said, oh, I don't have anything to worry about??!! That's great! Goodnight!! And stormed off.

    So...that went well.
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  6. #36
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allied70 View Post
    A little bit of Wednesday night fireworks at the casa tonight. And not the pretty kind!

    We talked about how I hated his job. He said I need to get over it.

    I told him that I picture him and his co-worker friends walking around passing and popping pills all day.

    He says, then YOU have a problem! You blew this way out of proportion from the start!

    I said, I think you took something today!

    He laughed it off, tried to make me look stupid/crazy.

    I said, I don't trust you.

    He said, you need to leave then.

    I walked away.

    He followed a few minutes later. He said he came clean to me before even though he didn't have a problem. I said you admitted you did and he says oh yeah, I did but I didn't think it was a problem until I tried to stop. *head spinning*

    He then went on a tirade about how he already has enough to worry about so he doesn't need to worry about this too.

    I said, you don't need to worry about this, I do!!

    He got angry and said, oh, I don't have anything to worry about??!! That's great! Goodnight!! And stormed off.

    So...that went well.
    That went pretty much as I expected it would. What you do with this is entirely up to you. I can tell you that it doesn't sound like he's ready to change yet. I would suggest you honestly and painfully consider what is best for you and your child. Period. You said it best. Your worry is about protecting your child and that's good. There is really no point worrying about him. Maybe someday but not now. I know how hard this is because I live it every day with my son. Setting boundaries is a dangerous step because you only get one shot. Set it and enforce it or it won't ever do any good again. The single most important thing someone told me that helps me cope is that his life is his to live however he chooses. I have no right to try to control it. I DO have a choice whether I permit it to be a part of my life or not.

    Keep us posted. I too wish I could grab him, place him in front of my son and tell him. "Look closely. This will be you in a few years". Once we become addicted and until and IF we seek recovery there really is only two options for the end of this story==homeless and dead or in jail. My son has done jail. Now I wait for his death. He's 42, chronic asthma, terribly underweight and just sickly. All because of opiates. You don't want a front row seat to this. It's like watching a life long horror show.

    Peace, (I always sign off this way because it is my deepest wish for everyone and what we all need to strive to find to be well and happy)

    Cat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-12-2016 at 05:15 AM.
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  7. #37
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    So so sorry Allied that it had to go down this way. You got through a lot of the hard parts though by having those conversations. You made it clear to him that you love him and want the best for him.

    How far away do your folks live? Like do you have anywhere to go? Because it doesn't sound like he's ready to get clean willingly - and he's probably very scared and embarrassed and stuck in all his lies. Doesn't seem like it's even worth the bother any longer to "search" the house or look at his eyes, etc.

    We all know what's up. He does too. You can just tell him you "know." If he wants to deny it, fine. You don't have to explain your proof. That's not your job. And the longer you wait the older your child gets, the more the child sees, the worse his addiction gets, etc. So know you're doing the right thing acting sooner than later. Just look back at your very first post and it's heading...tells us everything right there. (oh and cleaning the house - that's what you do ON the drugs not detox'ing from them). Hang in there, stay strong. You're doing great.
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  8. #38
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Oh my goodness, Leo. You are so on point! When I was using, I'd clean night and day. Now, not so much. You could write the Gettysburg Address on the mantle. My son compulsively cleans and not just the surface stuff. Drawers. Coils electrical cords and then fastens them. Everyday items that I grab (grocery bags) are wrapped and securely tied or fastened. That's maddening enough, but I know why he's doing it! He's not Suzie Homemaker!!!

    Peace,

    Cat
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  9. #39
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Well he left early this morning for work and he's been lashing out at me via text ever since.

    He's called me delusional, a liar, says I'm making things up (about seeing a pill with my own eyes), he's never had a problem, I'm causing all of this by blowing it out of proportion, I must not love him enough, I'm just looking for an excuse to leave him, I'm going to be the cause of broken hearts (mine, his, my child's), he can't believe I'm creating this story as an excuse to break up with him, he wants to know my problem is and what am I trying to pull, he says I have issues...

    I sent a final reply after his last three mean texts: I'm sad for you. I hope you get help. I love you.

    He's already replied, "no you don't" followed by more mean >>>>.

    I'm heartbroken but I can't live this way any longer. I am going to spend the next couple hours packing up as much as I can and get it out of here before he gets home. Thankfully my child goes to his dad's tonight and through early next week. I'll see him briefly after school but won't tell him anything until next week.

    Thank you so much for responding to me and helping me.

  10. #40
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    I think you're doing the right thing and it's very brave of you. Once you are out, I would suggest that you send a quick text letting him know you've left and you love him. Maybe call his family to just let them know that you've left because it has become too much for you. They have your back and if you're proactive by speaking with them before he does, they'll understand what happened. Then turn your phone off. It's really hard to ignore the pinging when you hear it and will make things harder for you. Let his family know that your phone will be off so they won't worry.

    This is good on so many levels. You drew the line in the sand and he crossed it. If you don't follow up with consequences, nothing will change. Maybe he'll change and maybe he won't. At this point, YOU have to change and the rest will work out.

    He sounds very angry! Be careful and I wouldn't dare tell him where you are.

    Peace,

    Cat

  11. #41
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Cat!

    I told his mom this morning. I came to my best friend's house for the night. I'll go tomorrow while he's at work to get some more of my things out.

    I sent him a text just now as suggested. He replied, yeah it shows!

    He's very angry. His temper is off the charts! He doesn't know where I am.

  12. #42
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    He spent the entire night and now morning texting me non stop with the most hateful things. I don't understand. He's starting to make me think that I am crazy and wrong. His words cut so deep. Hateful, mean, just awful. He's said everything he hates about me from day 1. He says he's a good responsible man and it's too bad I couldn't see that. He is holding on tight to his denial that he took anything then he said he took a diet pill so that's probably why his pupils were huge and why he couldn't sit still. I told him what it was because I saw it and he says he's done talking about it followed by more hateful things about me.

    I'm exhausted. He would rather deny it to his death over me. I don't understand.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-13-2016 at 09:21 AM. Reason: Edit

  13. #43
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    It's called transference. He's caught dead to rights and would rather do his best to turn things onto you than to accept responsibility. Just stop talking/texting to him about what you've seen and what you know. Neither of you are going to win this one. All of the wrath he's throwing at you is exactly why I suggested that you turn your phone off. He's dancing and not ready to admit anything to you. In my opinion, this is just solid proof that he doesn't believe he has a problem or that he's nowhere near wanting to stop. This is toxic for you.

    Honestly, please, please do your best not to engage in this stuff. You will be the only one coming out the other side feeling bad about yourself. "This is all your fault". I say BS!!

    Peace,

    Cat

  14. #44
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks again Cat!

    He left me alone most of the morning then started up this afternoon again but now telling me how wonderful I am and everything he loves about me. He's begging me to not leave him for good and to please come home. I said no. I'm not ready to see him or talk to him. I'll stay at my parents tonight.

    He's wearing me out! I told him to stop, that I need time. He's made it a thousand percent worse by saying so many hateful things to me last night. I've lost a lot of respect for him due to his behavior lashing out at me all night long. I don't want to see him at all.

  15. #45
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Good for you for taking this step. I'm proud of you. I've seen what happens when a single mother with a child gets involved with an addict, (happened to someone close to me) and spends years believing he will get clean "any day now". Meanwhile the kid is growing up around this. Better to rip off the Band-Aid right now. The kid only has one childhood.

  16. #46
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Thisweek... It's my motivation for leaving no doubt. Thanks for your kind words.

  17. #47
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    He admitted he took the Adderall because he needed a pick me up that day. Of course my gut was already telling me what I knew to be true. It kills me that the person I was supposed to marry is willing to throw me and my child away for pills. I confirmed through call/text logs that while he's texting me saying he isn't getting or taking anything and he loves me, wishes I believed him and needs me at home, he is simultaneously texting the person he gets the Adderall from. He doesn't know I know that part. Makes me sick.

  18. #48
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    In case anyone is wondering... Nothing has changed. The >>>> hit the fan, he cried and cried said never again and my dumba$$ believed him thinking he now knows I'm dead serious (since I moved out) then surprise surprise as he's reassuring me yet again that he's done with it all, he's blowing up his Aderrall dealers phone to get some more.

    Every single thing each of you told me was DEAD ON! Even from the beginning of this thread when I must have looked like a total gullible naive idiot.

    And he still denies denies denies and works so hard to cover his lies even though he knows I must know. Sickening.

    Now I'll need counseling to understand why I was so worthless to the man who I was to marry.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-20-2016 at 11:05 PM. Reason: Add
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  19. #49
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allied70 View Post
    In case anyone is wondering... Nothing has changed. The >>>> hit the fan, he cried and cried said never again and my dumba$$ believed him thinking he now knows I'm dead serious (since I moved out) then surprise surprise as he's reassuring me yet again that he's done with it all, he's blowing up his Aderrall dealers phone to get some more.

    Every single thing each of you told me was DEAD ON! Even from the beginning of this thread when I must have looked like a total gullible naive idiot.

    And he still denies denies denies and works so hard to cover his lies even though he knows I must know. Sickening.

    Now I'll need counseling to understand why I was so worthless to the man who I was to marry.
    I'm so sorry. Just remember that nothing changes until it changes. Whether it be him or you. The peaks and valleys of this kind of relationship will break someone. He has the aid of a chemical. You don't. The back and forth has got to end. The choices are down to two: Accept the life with him as it is or change YOUR life. That's brutal and I know it. I also understand exactly what's this is like and it's no fun.

    Are you back living with him? I didn't notice where you mentioned it but it sounds like that might be true?

    Peace,

    Cat
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