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Boyfriend addicted to Hydrocodone
  1. #1
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Boyfriend addicted to Hydrocodone

    My boyfriend (now fiancé actually) is addicted, lying about it, in denial, etc. My young child and I live with him.

    Several weeks ago I saw a text on my boyfriends phone where he was discussing pills with a coworker. I asked him about it and he made something up that I knew was a lie. When I saw him texting the same person a week later and saw him ask for more, I knew. I confronted, he lied. I promise, I swear, we were talking about so and so doing pills, etc.

    My mind played tricks on me thinking maybe I did misread (both times I saw the texts I wasn't snooping. We were looking for something on his phone together and when he went to minimize text window I could see what was said). He promptly deleted both texts right after I saw each one.

    I decided to look in his bag that he takes to work and found pills in his OTC Ibuprofen bottle. Pills were marked A333. I also remembered a while back that he had searched Watson (some number) on my computer so I'm starting to put it together at this point. It's been going on possibly since we've been together (one year).

    History: He did tell me early on in dating that he had taken anti-depressants for years after the death of a close family member. I remember seeing prescriptions for Suboxone and looking it up and thinking, how awesome! He's trying to stop taking the meds under his doctors care. Also in retrospect I do remember seeing him reaching into his bag and taking something on several different days but didn't think anything of it until now.

    Also, he hurt his back at the end of March and went to the ER and was prescribed 20 Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen pills. When he ran out he texted a coworker asking if he could get him about 10 for his back pain to get him through until he saw his doctor again.

    Last week still not satisfied with the answers to my questions about texting about pills with coworkers, I kept a close watch on what he was doing. On his day off he made up a reason that he had to go to the office but I knew what he was really up to. I confirmed it later when I sneakily read his texts from that morning. He had spent half of his day off texting, calling, waiting in parking lots to meet a coworker off site to get his pills. He even said in one text that if he didn't get them now he wouldn't be able to later as he wouldn't be able to get back out of the house if he went home empty handed.

    I confronted him that same day and he lied. After continually pressuring him he still lied and said he did go to work but he also went to meet a coworker outside of work (makes zero sense) to get money he was owed and by the way, his coworker did slip him a couple pills but "I didn't pay for them". Like that matters. The more I pressured the more he would add to the story starting to realize that I knew much more than he thought.

    He told me he only got 3. "After these 3 I swear I am done!" He looked me in the eyes and sweared on his children's and my child's life that he would never get anymore. He would even tell those he gets it from to never offer them to him again. The very next morning (Friday) he was on the hunt for more.

    Friday night I told him I knew and we had a huge fight over it. He says I'm crazy because I'm tracking his every move. I told him he lied to my face and he has a serious problem. I said I'm willing to help you but you cannot keep this up or continue to lie. I have to do what is best for me and my child. When the heated fight wasn't dying, I locked myself in my child's room and went to sleep.

    The next morning he told me he no longer trusted me because I invaded his privacy and that I was free to go! He left for work and I started packing my things. He was contacting me all day and when he realized I was leaving he begged me not to. Same promises (lies) that he would never touch the stuff again.

    He said over and over, I do not have a problem!! Saturday he told me he had one pill left. He was off yesterday. Today he said he wasn't feeling too good after being off of them for 1 and 1/2 days now. Said he was embarrassed and ashamed to admit it. Says he will not give up. He will push through and stop for good.

    I did see that one of his coworkers who he gets pills from texted him this morning to see when if he was working today (he was scheduled to go in later). He didn't reply. Not via text anyway.

    Now, what exactly should I see happening withdrawal-wise if he is in fact stopping?
    In hindsight I remember him getting night sweats a couple different nights since we've been together. I've never seen him nodding off or act weird or anything. Or maybe I just don't know he's acting weird because I've only known him on pills? Ugh. What a thought! I've been planning on marrying this person. Wow.

    He works 50+ hours a week at a high stress job and he makes really good money. Yet he's always, always broke! Now I know why! He would blame his financial issues on him getting the bad end of his divorce. He's pawned so many of his things. I thought to pay bills or pay off debt. How wrong I was!!

    I'm come to the realization that financially he's screwed. I've been trying to get him to let me help him get out of debt for about a month now. No wonder he's been reluctant! He doesn't want me to see where all of his money goes! Terrible.

    So, I'm here with him still. Since he finally admitted it and is stopping (so he says) I told him I would support him and help him in anyway that I could. BUT if he is caught in another lie, we are leaving.

    I don't know what else I can do to support him. His ego is bigger than Texas so I don't think he would ever go into treatment (possibly outpatient)? I just don't know. I have a knot in my stomach just waiting for him to slip up. I know I'll be looking in his bag like a crazy person every chance I get but I do not want to live that way. I don't want to abandon him either.

    I don't know how many he was taking each day. No clue. I'm worried though that he I'll keep it from me. Problem is I can't tell the difference between him on or off them. So I guess I just need to know what to look for as well as get some advice/support about what's going on.

    Sorry if I'm all over the place and thank you for reading this far!
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  2. #2
    darnell152 is offline New Member
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    Sorry for the ordeal. Ive been that guy to a certain degree. Unfortunately you cant force or will an addict to quit unless they choose too. if he really has quit it will be a very rough week, nausea, diarrhea, sleeplessness. If you think he may be using again look to see if he is itching alot. Sorry, i hope this helps a little. If he needs help with the WDs everyone will be glad to help him get through it.

  3. #3
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Hi Allied,

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'll start by trying to tell you what to look for. The first thing I would mention is that if his last pill was Saturday, he would still be sick today if he hasn't taken anything since then. If he's not irritable and not having diarrhea, it's a pretty safe guess that he's taken something recently because these are usually the first symptoms to appear and will last for around five days. He would also likely be having trouble sleeping by now or would at the very least be restless. Cold turkey detox symptoms are almost always the same for everyone. Aches, anxiety, diarrhea and moodiness. If there is a time when you are fairly certain that he hasn't taken anything for 24 hours or more, take careful note of his eyes. When using, his pupils will be small, even pinpoint if he's taking larger doses and it will only take a day or two for his pupils to get back to a more normal size (for him) and will become clear and sparkle. Depending upon how much he is taking, not every addict "nods" unless they are using high doses or H e roin. I have found that my adult son who is an active addict has certain behaviors when he's using. Things he does when he's using that he doesn't do when he's not using. Humming and singing is one of them. He becomes a bit obsessive about silly things like winding electrical cords. Going into the bathroom but doesn't need to flush the toilet. If you watch closely (don't say anything!) you just might see certain behaviors or patterns. An incoming text message or if his phone rings but he doesn't answer followed shortly after that with a need to run to the store.

    Don't argue with him. It will do no good. You are right in believing that he is likely ashamed of what he's doing and the mess he's managed to make with his finances. Don't offer to help him with money either. If you're tempted to give him money, imagine that you are paying for his pills because essentially, that's what you'd be doing. Helping him with his share of the bills is just freeing up more cash so that he can afford to buy more pills.

    Only you know what you can or can't tolerate. You can't fix him and there isn't much you can do to help him either except to make it clear that you are willing to be supportive of him if he wants to get clean and get into recovery. The rest is his job, not yours. Begin by setting boundaries but be careful not to set any boundary that you aren't going to be able to enforce. For example, perhaps you can start with telling him that you do not want any pills in the house. The second part of that is what are you going to do if he violates that boundary? You will have to be prepared to follow through. "If I find any pills in the house I will flush them down the toilet." You might get yourself a test kit and keep it on hand. Tell him that you have it and that he has to be willing to give you a urine sample if you ask for it. When the time comes that you want to use that kit, you probably won't even need to. His reaction will tell you what you want to know. If he gets defensive or angry with you, it's a good bet the results will be positive. If he's cooperative and heading to the bathroom, save the kit for another time because it's probably going to be negative. If you do get and use the kit, be sure you go into the bathroom with him. As someone who has never been an addict, you can't even imagine how resourceful we are. If it ever comes to this and he tests positive, then what? What will you do? These are the things to think about carefully. There is no point in creating these boundaries if there are no consequences. It will only become one more thing to argue about and that is just a complete waste of time and energy. Even more importantly, once you allow a boundary to be violated and you don't follow through, you'll have sent the message that your boundaries are just idle threats.

    I think that you're absolutely right believing that he is buying more pills than he's telling you. Three pills or thirty pills really doesn't matter. This is an all or nothing situation and he shouldn't be led to believe that's it's less wrong if he only bought three. Gather your thoughts and even write them down. CALMLY let him know what your expectations are and what the consequences will be. Don't get into an argument with him. If the discussion begins to get heated, just shut it down by telling him that you don't want to fight about this and that you merely want to let him know what your expectations are. The wisest words of advice ever given to me were that we don't have the right to live others' lives for them. We do, however have the right to live our own and we have the right to not be a part of something that is making us unhappy or disturbing our right to have peace. These words have given me enormous strength. I hope they resonate with you too.

    Finally, I know how hard this will be but try to do your best to resist looking in his phone. When someone we love is using, we become obsessed with finding the proof. The trouble is that once we think we finally have that proof, what do we do with it? We confront them and then by the time we're done we are once again left wondering if we're wrong. I've been in this exact situation countless times and still, my son is able to leave me doubting myself. Why? Because deep down, we want to believe we're wrong. Trust your gut.

    When you have some time when you're alone, try to put your thoughts in the form of a letter including your concerns, how this is making you feel, and set your boundaries and the consequences. Let it sit for a day or two and re-read it and edit it if you need to. Give him the letter to read when you're not around. This way, an argument won't erupt and you'll be able to say the things you need to say without going off track and will be able to say it in a loving manner.

    Keep us updated and let us know how we might be able to help you.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  4. #4
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much for the replies.

    He did toss and turn last night. He seemed grumpy this morning. He woke up much earlier than usual. He also left 30 min earlier than usual for work. He said he was going to get something to take for his stomach.

    I cannot tell if he's still taking them or not. He told me he didn't eat much yesterday and today he hasn't eaten yet.

    I want to believe him but after being on and off of these pills for years he seems to be doing pretty darn well for his supposed 3rd day of "withdrawals". About an hour ago he text that he was feeling good.

    I don't know what to believe anymore. I'm hopeful but...

  5. #5
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    It would help to know how much he's using (or been using) per day and for how long. Unfortunately, he's not likely to give up that info any time soon. You are right though. On Day 3, he probably wouldn't be feeling "good". For now, just observe. Don't accuse and don't fight. Most, if not all of us have a great deal of trouble sleeping for some time. Long after all the other symptoms have subsided. Weeks even and I'm not saying that we can only sleep for a few hours. Most of us are lucky to catch an hour. There is always the possibility that he did stop taking the hydro but is taking a benzo to help him sleep. It's a very common thing to have cross addictions. It's very easy to take a Xanex so that we can catch a few hours sleep but that in itself is a very slippery slope. I don't mean to alarm you. I'm just hoping to point out that until the time comes that he really wants your support, he's not likely to share the all of what he's doing.

    For now, I'd at least let him know that you won't continue to live your life with an active addict nor do you want your child to live in that environment. No ultimatums until you feel you need to give them and know you have the strength to follow through. Just be sure that he knows that just because you aren't being confrontational, it doesn't mean that you've accepted his using and that you're OK with it. I truly do believe that if you write that letter to him, you can say what it is that you need to say. It's perfectly OK to let him know that you don't know yourself where this is going for you.

    If you just watch you will begin to see behavioral patterns that will allow you to be more confident about your judgement. Simply put, getting clean isn't easy. Ever. Staying clean is even more difficult. If he seems to be doing just a little too well,something probably just isn't right. As much as I have hated watching my son be so sick and then struggle to stay clean, it was also comforting because I knew he was fighting the fight.

    Peace,

    Cat

  6. #6
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Unfortunately I don't know how many he was taking. I know every few days he was on the hunt but he only seemed to get 5 at a time or 10 at a time.

    I haven't seen much change in him so I'm leery. He doesn't seem sick. I was staring at his pupils when he got home from work. Definitely not pinpoints but dilated either. Somewhere in between. Best way to describe them would be each pupil is the size of two pencil erasers if that makes sense.

    I bought him some supplements to help with this supposed withdrawal he's experiencing. Maybe it's not bad because he's missed a day or two here or there when he's run out of pills and needed a day to get more? I'm just guessing here.

    He seems open to the supplements which only getting for him because I want him to have natural energy - his biggest complaint so far is that at work he's dragging, feeling blah. He bought Immodium today. Other than that he seems "normal." He did ask when the supplements were arriving. They will be here tomorrow so I'm interested to see what happens.

    I cannot lie...I am terrified that he is either a) still taking pills (he could be keeping them at work and his suppliers are AT his work b) will start back on them soon and continue to lie about it

    I think my next step is to take over all bills so I can see exactly where money is going. Give him an "allowance" per week while I take care of paying the bills. It'll be interesting to see if he goes for that or not. I'll wait a week to bring it up.

    I pray he can do this. I hope he doesn't give me no other choice but to leave. It will break mine and my child's heart.

    God bless you all who are replying, reading, struggling with a loved ones addiction or one of your own. I know it's not easy. I pray each of you make it and find your peace .

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    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    He just said his stomach has been in knots, headache, feels like he has fever but he doesn't...just feels like he needs to get it out of his system. Says he hasn't taken it "too much" lately but he has taken it off and on "for so long"...

    I guess after reading so much about it I was expecting him to be laid out with terrible withdrawals.

    One last thing... I know I'm not supposed to look but my gut made me. He has 3 dealers that I'm aware of. Yesterday he called one of them and today he called the other 2. He told me yesterday that he told them all he's done and not to offer them anymore but he told me that before and it was a lie. Obviously I have no way of knowing what was said but... Now my stomach is in knots.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-26-2016 at 10:50 PM. Reason: Add
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  8. #8
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    He told me that he didn't think he had a problem but maybe he did since he's now feeling terrible (withdrawing). I asked how many he was taking. He said 3-4 pills per day. Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen 5-325 mg.
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  9. #9
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allied70 View Post
    He told me that he didn't think he had a problem but maybe he did since he's now feeling terrible (withdrawing). I asked how many he was taking. He said 3-4 pills per day. Hydrocodone/Acetaminophen 5-325 mg.
    I'm betting that is true for the past couple of days but I bet it was more before and what he was doing was a fast taper. That would account for your confusion about the conflicting signals. Now that he is "jumping" off the final dose, the withdrawals should be unambiguous. Ideally he will stay home for 4 days and you are there the whole time so he has no chance to get more pills and you can monitor these symptoms: Bigger pupils, hot/cold flashes, runs, nausea, poor appetite, inability to sleep. If he isn't doing these, be suspicious he had pills stashed in the house. By the 5th day there should be improvement. If it were me, I'd take over the bills and finances right now and if you have joint accounts, put alerts on them (to alert you if he withdraws cash). Buy urine test kits and tell him he will submit to random requests. If he does not comply with these things, leave. Part of him wants to come clean but he is straddling the fence with denial. If it were me I'd draw the hard line in the sand right now and not tolerate any more back and forth non-or-partial-commitment to getting clean. You cannot make him do it but you can control your own actions about it and if it were me, I'd be fully ready to walk out on him if he does not agree to your terms. Best of luck to you!

  10. #10
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    PS: If he does comply and goes through withdrawal I'd be very supportive, bring him water to sip, clean up after him, change the sheets, etc. Withdrawal is not the time to verbally punish him for getting into this mess. You can (and should) do that at other times. Withdrawal itself is punishment enough right now. It will encourage him and help him through it if you tell him he's doing a good job and you're proud of him (because it is a very hard thing to do!) The more you can manage to do that with a smile the more incentive it will be for him to want to please you by getting clean. Reward his good behavior and good decisions but tolerate no longer the bad.

  11. #11
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for your reply. Now I'm really confused. Today he says he feels great but it's supposedly day 4 of no pills. You are probably right in what you said about the taper. He probably is still taking some but keeping them at work. Trust me I've been looking EVERYWHERE! I don't think he'll bring them home since I'm all over him. But he's obviously been sneaky this whole time so there's no telling!

    The only difference I've noticed the last two days that could be symptoms of withdrawal (or maybe symptoms of a taper - is it possible to withdrawal just a little if tapering?) are excessive yawning, & restless sleep. He did purchase anti-diarrheal yesterday as mentioned before due to his stomach being upset. There's only 1/4 of the bottle left. He's been working all day so I haven't been able to monitor him. He typically sleeps very very hard and snores so loud! Now he's easy to wake and tosses and turns all night.

    I'm just so confused and unsure of what to believe.

    Unfortunately, I have a business trip tomorrow until Monday! Free for all for him is what I'm thinking but I hope I am very wrong!

    All of your suggestions are exactly what I want to do. And I will even though it'll be next week upon my return.

    He works a lot and will not miss work. And that's where he gets all of his pills from.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-27-2016 at 05:58 PM. Reason: Add

  12. #12
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Allied,

    Absolutely no question that he will feel some withdrawal symptoms by cutting back the amount he's using. Yes, yes, yes. All of the things you mentioned are typical symptoms--sneezing, yawning, diarrhea, restless legs, interrupted sleep. These things are just somewhat more mild than if he just quit cold turkey.

    No disrespect to Thisweek but I disagree a bit with some of her last post. I do agree that if he's not feeling well because he's detoxing, it would be a good thing to pamper him a little bit and to just be kind to him. The part I disagree with is that he is not your child nor is he a child at all. He has made some poor decisions and I hope he has the strength to get past his active addiction. It's my strong opinion that whatever happens, only time will tell if he'll be able to regain your trust. The lies and deception is largely related to his drug use. I believe it will become more an issue of being able to trust him as opposed to forgiving him. In order for your relationship to survive, both of you need to move past this and can only do that once he's clean and in recovery. If a human being is deserving of punishment for becoming addicted to a drug, show me where I get in line. I knew when I first got clean that I was undeserving of being trusted so I needed for my actions to speak for themselves. I was OK with being looked at with suspicion. That I deserved. If my family had felt the need to punish me, I'm not sure I would have found the strength to forgive myself and that, afterall is where recovery begins.

    Peace,

    Cat
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    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Cat, I don't disagree with what you said. "Punish" is the wrong word. What I meant was you should not hold your feelings (hurt, anger, betrayal) inside and repress them. They should be expressed in the right way, not as punishment but as communication to inform the addict of the effects of the addiction on you. But just not during the worst of withdrawals.

  14. #14
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    I am very supportive and proud of him for the effort and told him so. Today was day 5 and he says he feels really good. He even talked to his manager at work and told him what's been going on. He's always late to work. The last 3 days he's been early. He pops right out of bed in the morning when before he was really dragging.

    He says he's thinking clearly now. He said he feels normal for once. He feels happy and free. He thanks me for supporting him and being there for him. He hates the way I discovered it and what played out after but it was the wake up call he needed. He's been doing it for so long that he just kept doing it (because he had to).

    I am trying very hard to support, believe, trust...

    I still don't understand the mild withdrawl symptoms.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-29-2016 at 01:11 AM. Reason: Add

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    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Yup... typical pill popper. We all been through that! The lies and excuses and play the victim card. We know we do it, but in the moment of wd, we do anything to get that little pill. He needs to want to quit really. Otherwise it will go on forever.

  16. #16
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    Yeah, sorry, a lot of us have seen and/or been in this movie before unfortunately. So much shame and embarrassment and then pain that we lose perspective and the lies start piling up. Before you marry this guy something has to change.

    I think I understand what ThisWeek was trying to say. It's kinda like when your house is on fire, you don't argue about who started the fire, you put it out first. And detox'ing can and will be plenty brutal in the moment.

    The good news is (hopefully), it's still just Vicodin he's taking (and not oxy, etc). His best bet if he wants to nip this thing in the bud is plan for a week or two off work, sick, vacation time, whatever, just bite the bullet. Put him in bed with plenty of Gatorade, etc and then just take his phone from him for at least a week, with hopefully you there feeding him, changing his sheets etc.

    And if he wants to go forward with getting married, that's your offer. If he can't do that, unfortunately, he's picking the pills over you. I don't envy your situation. I know how difficult these things can be. But I can also tell you 7-10 minimum before he should touch that phone or have a chance to meet his dealers. Keep us posted. His life and your life are worth more than a job - and "bad stomach flu's" do happen...

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    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Quick update for those who took the time to help me. Thank you!!

    I haven't seen any signs of use. His pupils have been dilated, he seems to be happier. I haven't seen any pills and believe me I have been on high alert! I'm hoping I am not being naive but I think he's done. I will be watching him like a hawk though as I know he could easily relapse. For my own sanity I'm trying to trust what he says. And with no evidence telling me otherwise, I don't have much of a choice. I'm hoping he's done with it for good!

  18. #18
    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allied70 View Post
    Quick update for those who took the time to help me. Thank you!!



    I haven't seen any signs of use. His pupils have been dilated, he seems to be happier. I haven't seen any pills and believe me I have been on high alert! I'm hoping I am not being naive but I think he's done. I will be watching him like a hawk though as I know he could easily relapse. For my own sanity I'm trying to trust what he says. And with no evidence telling me otherwise, I don't have much of a choice. I'm hoping he's done with it for good!
    Lol. You dont know us. We are crafty and sneaky. I was able to stay on hydro for 8yrs and no one had a single clue i was on them. So easy to carry 2 pills in your pocket and sneak swallow it.

  19. #19
    krash1 is offline New Member
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    You could always buy a home drug test from the pharmacy. If he's not using he shouldn't mind at all. I would want to prove I'm clean to my girlfriend to set her mind at ease and let her know I can be trusted. Well at least a little bit. Cuz yes we are very sneaky people
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-06-2016 at 06:06 PM.

  20. #20
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Allied,

    I swear you could be my girlfriend writing this, it's that close it's scary.I believe you should go read my journey. I relapsed after 80 days clean and now doing day 2-3 right now again

    Anyways, I have 2 sides to your story. First...5 days of w/d on any major addiction you're definitely not in clear, go read some journeys on here and they all show that. You do feel better after 5 days but there is still PAWS to deal with too. I fear that your bf is lying to you on the amount he took for one, and for two I think he's lying about being off them. I should know you might as well be explaining me. If he is jumping up in the morning, then more then likely he is taking something right away. I like to sleep also and unless I trained myself on getting up early (week or more of actually doing it) then I'm usually jump up, get dressed, go to work, not a morning person unless I'm getting my fix first thing then 15 min later I'm golden. I would have to suggest popping a UA on him also, but understand this stuff leaves your system in 2-3 days depending on your water intake so you'll have to surprise him with it.

    Other side: If he is going through w/d or kicking them you staying by his side will be completely helpful and make it more successful. I realize you can only take so much deceit though. Just saying my fiance left me 2 weeks ago which jumpstarted my w/d process and made me see how much I've lost due to this demon. The hardest thing for a guy to go through in my opinion when in w/d is the lost of a loved one, no matter how it happened. If you leave him then more then likely he will fail.

    Just my 2 cents. Good Luck!

  21. #21
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    She could be all our (mostly) ex-girlfriends for a lot of us at least. Was wondering how long it would take for people to start writing what we were all collectively thinking. "That poor girl, she thinks he's clean."

    "He seems happier" was pretty much all anyone had to read. Either he's out of a comic book superhero person, or he's using, or he's MISERABLE. You don't get to do happy for a while after this stuff. Sorry. You said he had three dealers that you knew of. That's not 3 pills a day, unless they're oxy 80's. Wish we had a good solution for you though. If you have Netflix - you should do a marathon of Nurse Jackie, at least a few seasons, just to get an idea of how impossible it is for you to "watch him" and "find his pills" etc. Just not gonna happen, and if it does, there's more somewhere else. Hopefully you guys can talk it out again soon and find some peace...good luck!

  22. #22
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks again everyone! I'm definitely not trusting 100% since I'm constantly on guard. I had to decide though for myself to stay or go. I'm staying until I find out otherwise I guess.

    He could easily be taking them without me knowing. His dealers are coworkers. He works a lot. Nature of the business's he's in. He could be popping them at work all day long as far as I know. That's why I stare into his eyes when he gets home expecting to see little pinpoint pupils but I don't. That's really all I have to go on. Well that and his word... Which doesn't mean much after what's happened.

    I don't know if I mentioned that he's taking some supplement called Calm Support twice a day plus one other supplement that was recommended on the same site.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-07-2016 at 02:39 PM. Reason: Add
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  23. #23
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    So, I haven't seen any evidence whatsoever that he is or isn't using because I can't tell one way or the other. His pupils look normal (mine are smaller than his) and besides that I have no idea what I'm looking for. I've been feeling confident that he was telling me the truth but in the last two days I've started to feel uneasy and for no reason other than my not knowing the difference between high or not high. Until yesterday and today.

    I've spent too much time looking through things at home and in his car for pills. Problem is, he could be keeping them at work so I never see them. He gets at least one day off per week, sometimes two. He spends the majority of his time at work and gets home late. He works right along side several others with the same problem who enable, freely offer and sell to him. He told me when I found out that "everyone" at his work takes them. Of course none of them think it's a big deal based on a text he sent to one of his coworker/dealers that I saw shortly after busting him, "she thinks we're all drug addicts".

    Knowing that pills freely flow at his workplace keeps me pretty paranoid while he's working. It creeps into my mind many times during the day when I'm trying to do my thing. It's as if I'm waiting to catch him, waiting for him to mess up, waiting for the discovery to prove what my gut is screaming at me. Basically, I don't trust him. I'm trying to but it's hard.

    I saw a few texts yesterday and today (before he deleted them) exchanged with a co worker I've never heard of - not one of the ones I know of who were selling to him - and a few calls made to this person too. The texts said nothing of significance but to me they did. From him to coworker, "hey are you still busy?" When they replied that they were he asked that they let him know when they're done. He didn't give him a chance to. He sent another text, "Can you meet me in the parking lot for a cig?" Innocent enough if you're not in my head dealing with him meeting the other dealer in the parking lot when I busted him. So I don't know if I'm reading into it or if he just met his new dealer to get his refill. These are things I will live with forever. And I don't want to.

    I know that I should not be reading his texts but I feel like I need to find out on my own to give myself a peace of mind. I have asked many times (not every day) if he's feeling ok, has he gotten anymore, etc. Of course I got promises that he's feeling great, thinking clearly, done with that stuff, etc. I mentioned before that he's taking the Calm Support along with another supplement and I checked to see if he's been taking them and he has. He's actually taken a few too many - he has 5 less than he should if he was taking just the 2 per day. Same with the other supplement. He's taking an extra one than he should. These are the things that make me think he is off the pills. Then there are the things (like the texts I mentioned) that make me think he is.

    There's no way to catch him if he's using again (unless he gets sloppy) and I don't want to live my life trying to catch him but that's exactly what my life has become.

    I think like someone advised here that the only way I'll be able to be comfortable with staying will be to 1) require that I must take over all finances so that I keep track of money coming in and money going out 2) require random drug testing

    I hate that this is what my life has become. I can't seem to catch a break. I'm so torn between it all. Sadly he has broken my trust and once someone does that it is very hard for me to get past it. On the other hand, my heart wants me to stay because I'm afraid if I go, he'll get worse.

    I'm sorry for the long rant. I'm just feeling really down about it all today.

    Am I being overly paranoid?
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-10-2016 at 05:33 PM. Reason: Add
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  24. #24
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    No. You are not being paranoid. Have I mentioned that my son is an active addict? He is. He's an adult, works and lives with me. I'm a recovering addict. Probably told you that too. Anyway, I know all this stuff like the back of my hand. Those texts? Oh I know those texts. I've sent them and I've received them. "When you have a minute, I have a question." "Ready for a cigarette?"

    I also fully understand the ying and yang of living with an addict whom you love. Suspicion isn't easy to overcome. I'm over 6 years clean and my family still looks at me suspiciously. It's a part of it and I live with it. I'm OK with it. Where my son is concerned, I too want so badly to believe that he's trying or that this time it's for sure. After all, I did it so I know it's not impossible to get clean. What I DO know is that I wanted it. More than food and water. Even more than chocolate. My son does not. I'm sorry to say that where my son is concerned, I trust my gut. You don't have to know what it feels like to be an addict. It actually doesn't take much practice of living with one before you can REALLY trust your gut.

    I honestly don't want to be Debbie Downer and that's why I haven't responded to your most recent posts. As far as the Calm Support, etc.--he could be using that if he has a day when he doesn't have enough to keep him "well". It could be that he's cutting down (tapering) and feeling some symptoms. It could also be that they're there so why not take them. I know this last choice doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me and probably every pill addict in the world. I was clean for months and found myself reaching for something, anything (except for a pain pill) just for the sake of taking a pill. All of this stuff is called a habit for a reason. What I'm trying to say, is that whether he's taking supplements or not isn't a very accurate gauge of what's going on with him.

    I'd be suspicious too.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  25. #25
    krash1 is offline New Member
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    I can say there's a chance be'not using but probably a whole lot more likely that he is using. As far as you not finding evidence well he knows that you will be looking so he is either hiding them at work or there's a million places to hide them at home. Like roll a few up in sock in sock drawer. If you find them he can say he must have forgot he put them there. There's a million places. As for the over the counter stuff he's taking that might be that he is cutting back on pain meds and he's using those to get him through. It's probably that he uses at work and when he doesn't use pain pills at home he uses over the counter stuff to get through the night.
    We addicts on here read your posts and think ya he's using because what he's saying and doing are things that we've said and done. The comment he made to co-worker/dealer that you think they are all drug addicts says that he didn't think he has a problem which normally means he doesn't want to quit. He just had to get better at hiding it. If there are signs that are making you suspicious then there might be something to be suspicious of.
    It's definitely easier to tell an addict how to get clean. Then to tell you what to look for cuz I feel like Im snitching on a friend. Which in a way I am cuz most of my old friends were my drug buddies, but you deserve to know.
    Good luck,
    J.

  26. #26
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much for replying to me, Cat. And congrats to you for getting and staying clean. I understand that's it hard (major understatement, I know) to do.

    He lies about a lot of things. Not just to me but to everyone. And stupid lies. Lies about why he is late to work or lies about why he didn't do something he was supposed to do. Maybe that's a habit too after lying for so long.

    The thing is, I don't know what he's like without them since he's been on them since we've been together. If it were coke or some other drug I believe it would be obvious to me if he were using. With these pills I just can't tell and perhaps that's what is telling me that he is still using. He's exactly the same!

    I do think he missed several days and tried to be done. I think that's because he got spooked when he saw me packing and leaving. I think he missed those days in a true attempt to stop - he was acting different those days (yawning constantly, dragging a$$, sweating at night then cold, restlessly sleeping)... But it seems to me that he may be back at it since the whole fiasco of the bust has faded in the distance.

    I go from being angry to feeling sorry. He's lost a child several years back and still struggles as I know I would. But that's just me making excuses for him because plenty of people lose children and don't rely on drugs to pass the time.

    I hope I'm wrong but when I saw the texts and that pit in my stomach returned, I just knew. I felt the same way I did when I found out. It sucks.

    I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. Continue to keep an eye out I guess but also have the conversation about the bills. If he flat refuses or flips out then that's it.

    I just want my proof and I'm on a mission to find it.

    Thanks again - I have no one else to talk to about it. I did tell my best friend (he knows she knows) and my mom & sister since I was leaving him that day. He doesn't know they know. His parents know too. He would flip if he knew I told them but I did. They won't tell him and they've been very supportive to me and offered any help if he relapses. Heck, I don't think he stopped long enough for it to be considered a relapse.

    *sigh*

  27. #27
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks J!! I know you are right! It won't be his socks because I do the laundry haha and you better believe I've already checked them all!

    I've checked every pocket in his closet too. I've spent far too much time checking everywhere. He's off tomorrow so if he got some they will be traveling home with him tonight so he'll have them tomorrow.

    I guess I'll be on pupil watch all day as well as watching his every move. He's a smart fella but he can't outsmart me. I won't allow it - or I'll wear myself out trying!

    Stay tuned...

  28. #28
    krash1 is offline New Member
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    Oh one other thing that is a pretty good sign is being talkative. When I use to use it would be like I couldn't shut up, well unless I used a lot then I was too messed up to talk. But being in a really good mood and talking a lot is usually a good sign of using

  29. #29
    Allied70 is offline Junior Member
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    I came up empty handed in my search last night. Today at noon while he was outside I searched a couple places again and in the bottom corner of one of his sports coat pockets I felt something tiny and pulled out a half of a small pill. It wasn't in there when I searched that same pocket last night. Anyway, this was not the larger white pills that started this whole mess. It was peach-ish, had been cut in half right down the middle and I could make out a large 0 center right with a short dash next to it that went to the edge. On the flip side there was a short dash center left that went to the edge and below that but indented a bit was a 9. It didn't take me long to google investigate. Unless I'm mistaken, I believe it's Adderall.

    I left about an hour ago and when I got home I decided to check again while he was in another room and it was gone. Down the hatch after the other half that I'll assume he popped this morning when he got up. He obviously had it on him or near him at all times last night until he took half and tucked the tiny half away for later.

    So, my suspicions and my trusty gut were right again. Yesterday's meeting in the parking lot with this coworker was just as I expected. I just saw this person pop up on the radar about a week ago. He knows if I see him texting or calling the previous coworker dealers, I'll know he's still popping pills. So, he moved on to a new one and a new pill I suppose.

    He must think I'm an idiot.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 05-11-2016 at 04:13 PM. Reason: Edit

  30. #30
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    UGH! If my memory serves me, it could be an opana or extended release morphine. Those are both small and peach colored. Lots of people have cross addictions--opiates to feel relaxed and a stimulant to wake them up when they need it. Thank goodness I didn't get into more than I did. Kicking one habit was bad enough!

    Well you have your proof. Now what? I'm not being pushy. I've been doing this for YEARS with my son and still, I have to search and find proof. Just not healthy for any of us.

    Peace,

    Cat

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