Page 11 of 11 FirstFirst ... 91011
Results 301 to 322 of 322
Like Tree324Likes
Coming off opiates for good!
  1. #301
    ItsPossible is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Such a happy feel good post! Woot woot!
    Believing is half the battle, action and courage as well.
    You have your mind set, now write it down, put it on the fridge, on the mirror, a vision board... make sure you see everyday what you are aiming for! Because those days that are bluer than others are the days that show true character. They are the days that we have prepared for.
    I can tell you that if you don't love, respect and appreciate your body and soul now, that it doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh, it won't make a difference. So work on that self love girl and keep moving!
    I am so happy you've come into my life!
    Love and light
    Butterfly xxoo

  2. #302
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rockandhardplace View Post
    Think I should change my thread title to "getting off subs for good"

    Anyway, feeling really good, and finally leveled off. Had a great day yesterday, practiced with a new singer and got me all fired up about music again. My husband and I have played in a band together most of our 25 yr marriage. We became burnt out on playing in bars, being out till 3-4am, it became a job, and believe me when your barely making enough to pay for your gas to the gig, it's time to throw in the towel.

    Then along comes this sweet 17 yr old high school student.. Just listening to her sing has gave us a renewed purpose. She could sing without any music at all, and blow the socks off you, but adding background harmonies and melodies is spine tingling.

    Anyway, as far as being back on the subs, it is what it is, and I know that the time will come soon when I'm able to taper properly and get off them. My surgery pain is very manageable, even without taking my ibuprofen.

    My back pain is another story, but I just have to stick it out for a little while more. Just knowing that it won't be very long before I have my last surgery, and be able to push to the finish line gives me hope. My dreams of getting off the subs and being able to walk, run, participate in sports, and participate in life are within reach!!

    Nothing is going to stop my dreams from becoming a reality. And the reality is I am not only going to feel good physically, but I'm going to be really and truly happy. For so long, I've felt like I didn't' deserve to be happy. But this wonderful forum has really given me the tools to overcome so many hurdles. To quit feeling sorry for myself and dig deep to find the true me. Finding the caring, knowledgeable, and supportive people who make up this wonderful place, have literally saved my life. After all, your not really living if your can't be happy and love yourself.

    Blessings to all
    Shelly
    xxxooo
    "I listened, motionless and still,
    and as I motioned up the hill,
    the music in my heart I bore
    long after it was heard no more"
    (William Wordsworth)

    Peace,

    Cat
    davepeerson likes this.

  3. #303
    Anonymous Guest

    Default Need as much feedback as possible for sub taper. Any and all, please chime in!!

    I just started a new round of subs. This will be round 3 and hopefully the last. But an important note to make. I've NEVER done a taper. While even though I've gotten off of sub 3 x's prior, I've gotten off with the help of opiates. Which is totally a*s backwards.

    Anyway a little background: I've had to come off the subs from 2 surgeries that I recently had. My situation is a little complicated but it all comes back around to the dirty W word. With drawls. Medically for me to heal from these surgeries it's been too difficult to try and taper the opiates I was on, so I turned back to subs and also to difficult to taper from. To top it all off I have another surgery coming up around middle to end of May.

    All that being said.. Who thinks I should try the taper before the next surgery and why??

    My last surgery is still pretty fresh, but I held 16 days before returning to subs. The w/d scares the bejesus out of me. And this last go round I was doing really well with a liquid oxy taper. My starting dose was supposed to be 5-10 mls every 4 hrs. I came out of the hospital, never took more than 20mls a day and started reducing after 3 days, and I got down to using only 2ml a few times a day. My problem came about 5 days in to the 2mls doses, when I started having terrible w/d's. I knew some was the oxy and most must of been the terrible build up of subs, because it was like a freight train hit me right out of the blue.

    I thought long and hard before I made the jump back to the subs this time. I mean for the love of God I had 16 days behind me!!
    But my recovery was in question. I wasn't eating, and had a hard time even keeping water down.

    I've only been back on the subs for 2 days and I'm already questioning this taper thing. I'm having a ton of pain and it's hard to control because I can't take any advil or the like. BUT, I don't want to stay on these subs for that long. If I had 16 days in, then the build up in my system was starting to come down. So, my thought are...yes I have two day sub build up, but before that I had 16 days free of subs. I'm hoping to get some feed back because I'm just so frightened. I know the sub taper many have used here is a slow and steady one. But I can't have it effecting with my healing either.

    Anyway, your probably so confused reading this and saying to yourself this girl, just needs to sh%t or get off the pot. I hope I can find some support and have people to lean on with some knowledge that could help get me through this once and for all. I'm still taking 1.4 Zubsolv pill in the am and 1 in the afternoon. I also have the generic bup pills that are kind of old. (From back in Sept of 2015) but they would probably be easier to crush up and separate into the necessary small doses.

    Reaching out,
    Shelly

  4. #304
    ItsPossible is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Isn't it great when we post to ask for help and then we answer some of our own questions in the process? lol
    Do you want to come off them before or after surgery?
    Once you decide then couldn't you just follow Roberts Taper plan? I've seen a huge success over my time on here.
    With goals in mind, you'll be able to answer and connect with what's right for you.

    "If we understood how powerful our thoughts are, we would never think another negative one!"

    Breathe girl. You've got this!
    davepeerson likes this.

  5. #305
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2,731

    Default

    Hey Shelly.....Thanks for the Post on My Thread!! I know We haven't talked much on here....but....It seems like Now is as good a time as any??..I usually try to stick to a few people I write to Consistently....As Best I can??...Sometimes I do really Well with My Checking In.....and other times I get a bit lazy..or Busy.....But either way....My Goal is to Stay.....and Try to keep a Steady...Consistent Group to follow....?? It seems like I just connect with some better than others....You know....like have a bit more in common.....which makes me feel Like Maybe I have a little More advice or Support for that particular Person....???
    Anyway.....Enough on That Rambling.....Geez......???? On Your Situation....I believe You know enough to make the best decision for Yourself.....My Opinion would be....If Your gonna be using Subs.....I would Just try to use the least amount possible....But...Still enough to help You with the pain! I know that's a Tough Call for US addicts....But....I have had to use a few times in My 3 Plus Years clean time....And I know I could have gotten out of control....and been right back to where I came from....But....I stayed Honest with My Doc....with My Sponsor.....Family...and Friends.....I stayed Accountable....Which was Very New For Me!! I just Can't go through Months or More of Using again....( Especially More than prescribed )....I was also surprised....and Very Grateful that.....I didn't even Like the Buzz anymore.....I think My Body and Mind has Just had Enough.....Like.....I'm Tired of the Merry Go Round.....So.....Getting back off them was not bad For Me....Did it 3 times...Believe Me when I tell You.....Just because I didn't have a Problem those last 3 times....Doesn't for One second....Make Me think I am Cured!! I Will NEVER be Cured.....and Hope to Not have to test myself too many more times in My Life Time!!
    I guess what I am trying to say to you is.....Stay Accountable.....Be Honest with Others....and especially Yourself.....Don't be a Secret.....Pray about it....Keep talking to US about it.....You will be Fine Girl!! This "BEAST" can be beat.....Don't ever take for Granted Clean time though....Cuz Like alcohol.....it just patiently waits for U to be Vulnerable!! Always be on Guard.....
    You do a Great job of giving support and whatever advice you can..on here...thanks For that!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!.."Look For Something Positive In Each Day......Even If Some Days You Have To Look A Little Harder"!!..xoxo
    Catrina likes this.

  6. #306
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Oh Shelly,

    I don't know if it's my old eyes or what but can you confirm how much sub you're taking per day? Your strips are 2mg and you're taking 1.4 (mg or strips?) in the morning and another 1.4 (mg or strips?) later in the day. So, your total per day is almost 5mg/day or is it 2.8mg? Before you stopped pre-surgery you were at 4mg/day? I'm not sure if you've increased a little or are taking less now than early in March.

    While I don't diminish how you're feeling and what you're going through, the mental aspect of tapering is very real. We all know that as fact and that even so, it makes things more difficult than if we were only dealing with the physical. They become intertwined and it's more than difficult to separate the two. No news, right? Then there's the pain/discomfort from your surgery. Was it last week that you had your follow up with your surgeon? Did you discuss what he would expect your level of pain to be at this point? The reason I ask is that sometimes we aren't the best judge. What's pain from surgery? What's pain from withdrawal? I think I do recall that you said your surgeon recommended getting back onto the subs. I'm actually sorry you asked his opinion because at least we know for sure that where subs are concerned, doctors most often have the worst advice. We all do what we feel we need to do and even though we sometimes forget, we do know what will work best for us..

    Please don't be mad at me for saying this. You went here in your most recent post and so will I in the most loving way possible. I suggested a few days ago that you not go back on the subs even if it meant staying on a low dose of the oxy. You'd been off of the subs for 16 days and yes, I believe too that you undoubtedly had some sub left in your system but you were well on your way to having it be gone. Maybe you were a little too gung ho in reducing your oxy and should have stayed at a consistent low daily dose for a little longer instead of reducing that quickly. I'm also relying on my memory here, so I may not have my facts correct but you felt pressure reducing as you watched the bottle of oxy getting lower and lower and it began to freak you out. It would me too by the way.

    I still think if it were me, even though it does sound azz backward, that I'd have accepted that refill of oxy and done your best to keep your dose at just enough to keep from being sick while you finished getting the rest of the subs out of your body and reducing the oxy slowly. If your back surgery goes like mine did, (I hope so!) pain won't be as much of an issue from the surgery. This all makes sense in theory but I also know that tapering is hard to do. But either way, the one decision that will need to be made at some point is to jump cold turkey or to find the strength to taper. Going cold turkey from the subs isn't an option, I think that mentally you'd have too much trouble going cold turkey from the oxy too. That leaves only the option to taper and I think I'd rather taper from the oxy. At least the half life of oxy is a small fraction of that of sub.

    You've only been back on the subs for a couple of days so maybe it's not too late to reconsider. The fear of withdrawal symptoms are very real for all of us. It will drive us nuts worrying about which method of getting clean is the best choice. I just think it's important to make that decision and be committed to it. Since I met you here, I've watched you struggle with tapering the subs, switching to Zublov, having a bit of trouble adjusting to those, stopping a few days before surgery and now back to the Zublov. So much change and upheaval for you already and if you continue with the subs, I know you've got to be worried about stopping again before your next surgery and being right back here after your next surgery.

    Now I've just repeated your entire post just maybe using a few different words than you did but just maybe you will be able to look at all of this slightly differently if you're reading it instead of writing it. I just think that going back and forth and trying to figure out which way is best would drive me bonkers. The best advice I got is, and always will be, for you or anyone else is to make a plan and stick to it. If you do choose to stay on the subs, this would be the perfect time before you put too many days into it to be absolutely certain that you are at your lowest possible dose. I have to think that you would need less now than you did a few weeks ago. I also think that you should begin to taper immediately even if it's slower than what the plan suggests. Any progress of lowering your dose before your next surgery is better than none at all.

    You've got a small window to make your choice. Please make one and whatever you decide, I for one will be here to support you. You have my opinion but mine isn't the one that matters. Yours does.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Randy35 and davepeerson like this.

  7. #307
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    3,107

    Default

    [QUOTE=Catrina;501441]Oh Shelly,

    I don't know if it's my old eyes or what but can you confirm how much sub you're taking per day? Your strips are 2mg and you're taking 1.4 (mg or strips?) in the morning and another 1.4 (mg or strips?) later in the day. So, your total per day is almost 5mg/day or is it 2.8mg? Before you stopped pre-surgery you were at 4mg/day? I'm not sure if you've increased a little or are taking less now than early in March./QUOTE]


    Cat,

    Shelly in on Zubsolv (at least she last was), another version of Suboxone. I believe she's taking 1 of the 5.7mg pills per day at this point. It gets kinds tricky as 5.7mg of Zubsolv is equal to 8mg of Suboxone, a big dose. The reason for the dose difference is because Zubsolv has better bioavailability than Suboxone and is better absorbed into the system. So it's believed?

    If I have it wrong Shelly will let us know.

    Randy
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-03-2016 at 09:29 AM.
    Catrina likes this.

  8. #308
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Right, Randy. I totally forgot that there is a difference between those two. Anyway, Shelly how much Zublov are you taking now per day?

    Peace,

  9. #309
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    Cat and Randy,
    Before surgery I was taking 3 zubsolv tabs - 1.4/0.36. I was never good at math so 3 x's 1.4 = 4.2 mg?? I now take only one in the morning and one in the afternoon. So whatever the bioavailability, and absorption is and what it means, I'm not sure. I only know how I feel.

    I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing, but I'm doing what's right for me at this time. I need ALL my focus on my healing and re-establishing my actions in regards to food. I can only relate it as another addiction for me, as messed up as that sounds. At one point in all of me being addicted to opiates, I used food in coping with my feelings just as much as I used opiates. When I didn't have the opiates anymore to make me "feel normal" I turned to food. I just didn't realize that until I got so heavy that I couldn't loose the weight anymore on my own. That being said, I still find myself questioning my decision because I am an addict. Am I justifying all this to take the subs (zubsolv) so I do feel human???

    I look at all these people on this forum that are struggling for days/weeks/months at being totally clean, and I feel like I should be as strong as them, but I'm not. I wasn't able to concentrate on healing and the taper of the oxy. I tried to up my dose of oxy, but it wasn't even lasting 2 hrs, and I'd have to dose again. Once I made the choice and started the subs again, it felt like a little weight was lifted. (no pun intended)

    I'm know a huge portion of that is the mental battle, of which I'm still trying to wrap my head around. So, for today I have to make the choice to be on the subs, and work toward a plan of reduction. I need to put my focus on the most important thing of this moment. Each day I wake up and think boy would I love bacon, eggs, homefries and french toast for breakfast, in reality I can only MAYBE get 1/2 a protein shake down or 1/2 an egg. That battle for me is big. I have found myself trying to eat what I'm not supposed to eat and being sick for the rest of the day. So, this is my battle for today. I feel confident I'm understanding my food addiction, my opiate addiction and now my sub addiction in ways I never thought before. In turn understanding myself better.

    I thank you Cat from the bottom of my heart for your post to me. You especially have helped me in ways you don't even know. I drove myself, my husband and my therapist crazy yesterday, playing the devils advocate, being your voice, which I desperately needed in my head. (Even though I didn't want to hear it. lol) We went back and forth, until I came to my decision. I needed to know I was making the right choice for me. So for that I can't thank you enough!

    I don't think I have loved myself this much in many, many years. I know, I have a long way to go, with many hurdles, but I look forward to them in a way I never did before. It may take till after my last surgery to have the ability to get off subs, but I have no doubt in my mind, I will get there. The will to be clean, my family and this wonderful forum, are helping me to become a better person.

    Always all my blessings,
    Shelly
    ItsPossible likes this.

  10. #310
    ItsPossible is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Hello friend,
    Wanted to send you some love but every time I write, I erase. So here is one of my fav quotes from the movie "The Vow". I watched it on my day 2 I think.

    “I have a theory, it’s about moments…moments of impact.
    My theory is that, these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside actually end up defining who we are.”


  11. #311
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    3,107

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Oh Shelly,
    Please don't be mad at me for saying this. You went here in your most recent post and so will I in the most loving way possible. I suggested a few days ago that you not go back on the subs even if it meant staying on a low dose of the oxy. You'd been off of the subs for 16 days and yes, I believe too that you undoubtedly had some sub left in your system but you were well on your way to having it be gone. Maybe you were a little too gung ho in reducing your oxy and should have stayed at a consistent low daily dose for a little longer instead of reducing that quickly. I'm also relying on my memory here, so I may not have my facts correct but you felt pressure reducing as you watched the bottle of oxy getting lower and lower and it began to freak you out. It would me too by the way.


    Cat and Shelly - I also suggested that Shelly not go back to the subs. I also noted that she certainly had sub still in her system. And I also mentioned that Shelly wasn't feeling the full effects of the liquid oxy because of the sub still in her system.

    So Shelly, you were feeling the wd's of the sub and the wd's of the oxy as you tapered. Not a good position to be in. As Cat mentioned, I believe if you had waited a few more days you would have began to feel much, much better. Not judging you one bit so please don't think that, just wanted to give some info in case anyone else is ever in this situation.

    Randy

  12. #312
    ItsPossible is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Daily quote time to let you know I am thinking of you. Nothing to report but a great day of keeping on!

    “It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” – Agnes Repplier

    and one more for good luck....
    “What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.” – Hecato

    Love and light,
    Butterfly xxoo

  13. #313
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Shelly,

    Where you been? Hope everything is OK. Check in soon and let us know how you're feeling.

    Peace,

  14. #314
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    Good Saturday Morning all,

    Today I'm starting to feel much better than I have in a very long time and have even been cooking again. Now that I'm starting to introduce more regular foods in my diet, I've been experimenting with recipes that are healthier as I'm learning a new way of eating.

    I just wanted to say to anyone new to the forum, who may be considering starting on subs, zubsolv, burprenophine/nalaxone, etc. You will hear many horror stories about this being worse than the opiates, just switching one addiction to another, and that it's impossible to get off from.

    While subs are definitely stronger than most opiates, and getting off them CAN be very difficult. They can be an extremely effective in breaking the cycle and the merry go round that we find ourselves on. Counting our pills till the next refill, buying them illegally, or basically doing whatever it takes for us not to be "sick". We've all been there and the stress and the anxiety is unbearable. Subs are not meant to be a cure all, or to replace your drug of choice. What subs are meant to do is buy you time.

    Much of us use to numb pain, whether is be emotional or physical. Getting to the root of that pain is an important step to gaining your freedom. Breaking habits from using are also another stumbling block we face. For some the game we play to get our drug, running around from friend to friend, lying to doctors about why we're out before our refill is due. This process can be just as addicting as the pill.

    It doesn't matter how we got there or why we continued. Subs can give us the time we need to fix the problems and habits that keep us sick. Some doctors are not as knowledgeable about subs as we would like them to be, but if you do your homework, and understand the induction process, what it takes to stabilize and then follow through with the taper, you've got half the problem solved.

    Your goal can be attainable and if you trust in the process laid out step by step on this forum, there is hope. Some people can quit cold turkey. Opiates have a short half life (usually 6-8 hrs), and those people that can fight through and are able to get out of the rabbit hole are amazing. But don't be discouraged if you can't be one of them. There are many tools we can utilize to fight in our battle to be drug free.

    To all who have found a way out, I admire your strength and courage!! To all who are sitting here reading this and feel like you'll never conquer this beast, DO NOT GIVE UP! Whatever you decide to do, decide to fight for life. Because your worth it. Join the fight for you, and all of us will be here to help and give any support you need.

    Blessing to all
    Shelly
    Catrina, Ming23 and ItsPossible like this.

  15. #315
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Shelly.

    Nice post. There is always hope so long as we never stop trying. That trying includes everything in life. When it's the darkest is when we have to work hard not to lose our spirit of hope. Sometimes that's the only thing that will keep us moving toward tomorrow.

    Have a great weekend. It sounds like you've started it off in a wonderful fashion.

    Peace,

    Cat

  16. #316
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    2,086

    Default

    Hey Shelly
    Gotta love the new recipes! Changing diet can be therapeutic. I gave up meat since the taper. Still managed to gain a much-needed 6 lbs. yay.
    So proud of you!
    Just wanted to tell you!

  17. #317
    ItsPossible is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    347

    Default

    HEY GIRL!
    Happy hump day! i hope today finds you on top of the mountain of the week looking down to see how easy the rest of the week can be!
    I have been working non stop and am so excited to get to Friday to enjoy the weekend.
    I was called in from the treatment center to fill in for a full timer in the classroom as both staff are out and they needed someone who knew the classroom. I would rather work a 12 hour in residence than a 7 in the class most days. I came home form work really stressed out after a long day of meetings and I realized I wanted to reach for the bottle of wine immediately. I was short tempered with my family and I had to take a step back and say I am sorry, I need some space. I took that space but if I didn't I would have been taking it out on people that didn't deserve stressed out, work Kim. I was able to spend time with them when I was more settled.
    as demanding as this job can be, there is a way to simplify anything we are involved in. Not adding negative energy to circumstances that will only make the problem bigger can be difficult to catch at first but so worth it to take a step back and reflect.
    I could let the politics get to me or I could say, "This is what I CAN do," and focus on that. We always have a choice.

    So how is it going? New recipes.... I like trying new things. Is there anything you can suggest to look up and try....?
    What is your fav healthy snack or meal?
    One thing that I absilutely love now but took a while to get use to is Red wine vinegar, with olive oil and salt on ice berg lettuce. It's an italian must have at every meal and so easy to make. Also because we know some fat is good fat, its a perfect choice for dressing lettuce. We make fast friend steaks and put them on a bun and add the salad on top... SO GOOD!
    Well time to get a snack now that I am drooling. Love and light miss thang. Thanks for checking in on me in my absence. You truly make me feel like I am important. Thanks for that.
    Also, how is the little guitar playing shy girl?
    Are you playing much music with hubby? Talk soon!
    Love and light xxoo

  18. #318
    ItsPossible is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Hey Shelly,
    Its been a while. Wondering how you are?
    I am back to square one, but with more knowledge, fight and determination than before. I won't ever give up and I hope you're over there fighting the good fight too!
    Missing you my DDC friend, soul sister! Remember our pact!

    “Nothing is impossible; the word itself says, ‘I’m possible!’” – Audrey Hepburn
    People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

    Love and light,
    Butterfly xxoo

  19. #319
    Anonymous Guest

    Default Happy Mother's Day

    Just wanted to wish all the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day!!

    Mothers Day for me hasn't been a day I wanted acknowledge, nor in anyway celebrate. I didn't want to think about how I really wasn't a mother anymore. With time, and a lot of self examination, I realized, (just recently) that I am and always will be a mother, and by not celebrating Mother's Day I wasn't honoring my son's memory.

    I only had 10 yrs with him and when I lost him, I went into a black hole that I didn't ever think I would get out of. His treatment and watching him slowly deteriorate had robbed me of my feelings. I had to build up this wall to protect myself from total destruction. People who knew me and knew that I was abusing pain meds allowed me to continue without any consequences. After all, who were they to tell me what to do or not do to get through. No one would talk about it nor would they call me out on it. That part is acceptable, and understandable. What's not acceptable is I allowed further destruction of my soul and threatened my marriage. My husband was suffering our loss just as much as I was, but wasn't allowed the time to grieve, because he was too busy taking care of me. Just like any other addict, it was all about me. My life was spiraling and I didn't care what happened as long as I was allowed to use. I had an affair and thought briefly of divorce. I shiver when I let myself go back to that time in my life. Not only because I was headed toward the grave myself, but I could of lost my husband forever. I could of lost out on the love of my life, a man who is perfect for me in every way, and with whom I love with all of my heart and soul. We have been through the worst nightmare of any parent and came out on top. Our life is far from perfect, but we do have a marriage that is built to last through any storm.

    Just wanted to share why I'm thankful for my life. Why I'm thankful to be a mother, why I'm thankful for being alive, and able to look back on the memories with my son with a smile on my face. I have learned to block out the bad times when he was his sickest, and embrace each and every smile he gave me. I hold on to those wonderful times, when he would look at me and right out of the blue and say "Mom..I love you! I can still hear his voice when he would say that. ;

    No matter what horrible thing has happened in your life that brings you to using, there is really no excuse. None!! I know we all have our battle scars, and I don't want to diminish them in anyway. The pain any of us have endured, can be debilitating, leaving us raw and stuck, but at some point you have to take a close look at your life and decide if you want to really live again or be a victim of circumstance.

    I can finally say I want to live!! I've spent too much time already dwelling on the things I can't change, and things that I have no control of. Now, I choose to fight, I chose to be present, and make the most out of each and everyday. My relationship with my husband is better that I ever thought possible. As every young girl dreams of the perfect man, that night in shinning armour, that man who put's her on a pedestal and treats her like a princess. It's corny and fairy-tale like, but he does all those things and more.

    Although it all sounds perfect, the real truth is life is never "perfect", but it is what we make of it. When the hard time hits we have to have the tools to deal with whatever is thrown at us and deal with it accordingly.

    If I can pull out of that dark, desolate hole that I was in, anyone can.You have to want it, you have to work your b&utt off for it, but the reward is truly amazing. We aren't meant to be numb, we are human and meant to feel emotions, good and bad. That's what defines us

    For all the mom's out there today who feel helpless and hopeless, don't stop fighting for your life and the life of your children. As mom's we tend to put our needs on the back burner and focus on our children's needs. But to be a great mom you have to start focusing on what you need. Get yourself balanced and the rest will fall into place. First and foremost...NEVER give up hope. No matter how many day ones you have, you have to keep pushing through them

    May all mothers be blessed today!!
    Shelly - xxoo
    Ming23 likes this.

  20. #320
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    Well I have wonderful news I just had to share with someone. I had my appt with my neurosurgeon and we are going for the surgery somewhere around the middle of June. I'm terrified, excited, and everything inbetween. It still doesn't seem real. Just like when my bariatric surgery came around, it just didn't seem like it was really going to happen. But it did and I couldn't be happier that I made that leap. Things have gone so well. So far I've lost 36 lbs. and I'm almost in the 100's again. Haven't seen that in over 5 yrs! I doing a lot of gardening and trying to keep busy, but haven't started an official exercise program yet, but I'm working on it. We're remodeling our house and adding a master bathroom, so we are going to be busy.
    Anyway just wanted to share my news and hopefully today I'll get an actual date, but they have to schedule an MRI before they can do the surgery, so I'm waiting for that. Hope everyone is doing well and are working towards improving your lives wherever at in your recovery. I have this surgery to deal with, then the plan is to get off ALL the meds I'm on. So far so good as I move into the last phase and I'm super excited to be done with everything and on the road to living my life!
    Blessings
    Shelly
    Ming23 likes this.

  21. #321
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    2,086

    Default

    Hey Shelly
    Wanted to say Hey! What kind of surgery?
    Glad for you about the bariatric surgery. And very happy that you're gardening! I've got tomatoes & peppers coming in nicely. Basil & rosemary too. The cats keep eating the catnip, so i hung my last plant in a tree. So far so good!
    I loved your Mother's Day post. Insightful!
    God bless you and your family, Shelly!
    Progress not perfection! Lol

  22. #322
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    577

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rockandhardplace View Post
    Just wanted to wish all the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day!!

    Mothers Day for me hasn't been a day I wanted acknowledge, nor in anyway celebrate. I didn't want to think about how I really wasn't a mother anymore. With time, and a lot of self examination, I realized, (just recently) that I am and always will be a mother, and by not celebrating Mother's Day I wasn't honoring my son's memory.

    I only had 10 yrs with him and when I lost him, I went into a black hole that I didn't ever think I would get out of. His treatment and watching him slowly deteriorate had robbed me of my feelings. I had to build up this wall to protect myself from total destruction. People who knew me and knew that I was abusing pain meds allowed me to continue without any consequences. After all, who were they to tell me what to do or not do to get through. No one would talk about it nor would they call me out on it. That part is acceptable, and understandable. What's not acceptable is I allowed further destruction of my soul and threatened my marriage. My husband was suffering our loss just as much as I was, but wasn't allowed the time to grieve, because he was too busy taking care of me. Just like any other addict, it was all about me. My life was spiraling and I didn't care what happened as long as I was allowed to use. I had an affair and thought briefly of divorce. I shiver when I let myself go back to that time in my life. Not only because I was headed toward the grave myself, but I could of lost my husband forever. I could of lost out on the love of my life, a man who is perfect for me in every way, and with whom I love with all of my heart and soul. We have been through the worst nightmare of any parent and came out on top. Our life is far from perfect, but we do have a marriage that is built to last through any storm.

    Just wanted to share why I'm thankful for my life. Why I'm thankful to be a mother, why I'm thankful for being alive, and able to look back on the memories with my son with a smile on my face. I have learned to block out the bad times when he was his sickest, and embrace each and every smile he gave me. I hold on to those wonderful times, when he would look at me and right out of the blue and say "Mom..I love you! I can still hear his voice when he would say that. ;

    No matter what horrible thing has happened in your life that brings you to using, there is really no excuse. None!! I know we all have our battle scars, and I don't want to diminish them in anyway. The pain any of us have endured, can be debilitating, leaving us raw and stuck, but at some point you have to take a close look at your life and decide if you want to really live again or be a victim of circumstance.

    I can finally say I want to live!! I've spent too much time already dwelling on the things I can't change, and things that I have no control of. Now, I choose to fight, I chose to be present, and make the most out of each and everyday. My relationship with my husband is better that I ever thought possible. As every young girl dreams of the perfect man, that night in shinning armour, that man who put's her on a pedestal and treats her like a princess. It's corny and fairy-tale like, but he does all those things and more.

    Although it all sounds perfect, the real truth is life is never "perfect", but it is what we make of it. When the hard time hits we have to have the tools to deal with whatever is thrown at us and deal with it accordingly.

    If I can pull out of that dark, desolate hole that I was in, anyone can.You have to want it, you have to work your b&utt off for it, but the reward is truly amazing. We aren't meant to be numb, we are human and meant to feel emotions, good and bad. That's what defines us

    For all the mom's out there today who feel helpless and hopeless, don't stop fighting for your life and the life of your children. As mom's we tend to put our needs on the back burner and focus on our children's needs. But to be a great mom you have to start focusing on what you need. Get yourself balanced and the rest will fall into place. First and foremost...NEVER give up hope. No matter how many day ones you have, you have to keep pushing through them

    May all mothers be blessed today!!
    Shelly - xxoo
    Wow! This has to be by far one of the most poignant and heartfelt post I have read. I wish, I would have seen it sooner. Thank you for your story, Shelly. It resonates with me.

    I do realize this is an old post.. But dang, it is a good one!

    -Stormy

Page 11 of 11 FirstFirst ... 91011

Similar Threads

  1. Coming off for good
    By Chjohnson in forum Suboxone Treatment
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 07-16-2016, 08:33 AM
  2. Coming off benzos and opiates
    By little_engine in forum Prescription Drug Addiction
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 12-28-2014, 12:06 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22