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Day 1
  1. #1
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Day 1

    Today is day 1 completely off opiates. I’ve tapered down this week and really want nothing more than to be free. I’m not sure how this is done other than to just not go back. I’ve never taken more than about 50mg a day and that was not typical. But I have anxiety when I don’t have any. I think I handle everything but the anxiety. Any suggestions?
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  2. #2
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey nomoreofthis4 welcome to the forum! Congratulations on day 1. What and how long were you taking? Have you always had anxiety issues? Or just when you ran out of meds. Give us a little more info so we can better support you. You couldn't have found a better place than this.

    Keep posting! It really helps
    Beef

  3. #3
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Beef! For the past year I’ve taken Norco or oxy daily. My typical dose now is around 30mg. It may not sound like much compared to some but I can tell I’m needing more to feel anything. I simply do not want to go down this path any further. I have always taken meds here and there but only recently have I felt different without anything. I’m a woman in my late 30s so by “always” I mean from my early teens. But it was recreational and I could always go months without any substance. But lately I just WANT IT. And now I hate it! Yes, I have always had anxiety issues. I take Prozac which helps, but it’s not magic. I’ve read some posts in this forum and you all have already encouraged me.
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  4. #4
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    I hear ya. I took oxy for 2-3 years or so. Can't really tell you with any degree of certainty. At it's worst I was taking 300mg a day, sometimes a bit more. It got ugly. But I'm a big fan of c/t. It won't be pleasant but you'll be done and beginning to feel better after a week. Symptoms usually peak around day 2 and start to slowly get better once you hit day 5-6. Then you're on the downslope of the physical stuff and the mental battle begins. Sleep is usually one of the last things to balance out. But don't fight it. Take the sleep as it comes and just know that you'll probably have a few sleepless nights. Find something mindless to occupy your mind. Netflix, a few bad movies, I'd get on here and read some of the really long threads, gave me a renewed sense of determination.

    Have you seen the Thomas recipe for opiate withdrawal? You can Google it. Everything there will help you on this journey. It lists a benzo. But unlessyoure already taking one I would leave it out. You don't want to trade one for the other.

    When I jumped I felt much more anxiety than I ever did before. It had to be knowing that I didn't have my little friends to be there for me and make me feel better. It's almost like I didn't know what do do with myself. I was wandering amelessly through what didn't seem like life anymore. But the pills lie. Once my senses came back I was amazed at how much I was missing out on. It was a true awakening so to speak. I only wish I'd done it sooner. But the end result is so worth it!!

    Try to eat a protein right healthy diet, lots of greens. And hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Water and gatorade are your best friends!! They'll help to flush the garbage from your system.

    Hot baths and Epson salt!!! Heating pads for the squirmy legs

    Stay active!!! Get up and get out!! Don't just sit on the couch and watch the clock. It'll drive you crazy. Take a walk, anything to get the endorphins flowing. I promise it'll make you feel better.

    We're here for you!!!
    You can do this!!
    Beef
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  5. #5
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    I’ve read a little about Thomas Recipe, but not recently. I will definitely not be starting on benzodiazepines! Ha, that’s not what I need in my life! I’ve taken some B vitamins and other supplements this morning and drinking tons of water. Usually I would have already dosed. I have to work today so wish me luck! Thank you for the support. I need it.
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  6. #6
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomoreofthis4 View Post
    I’ve read a little about Thomas Recipe, but not recently. I will definitely not be starting on benzodiazepines! Ha, that’s not what I need in my life! I’ve taken some B vitamins and other supplements this morning and drinking tons of water. Usually I would have already dosed. I have to work today so wish me luck! Thank you for the support. I need it.
    .
    Welcome!

    I'm glad that one of our early birds caught your post (thanks, Beef!). Congratulations on your Day 1. Don't compare your usage with anyone else's. Cold turkey detox is cold turkey detox and all of the symptoms are the same. I've cold turkeyed from less than 100mg/day and over 200mg/day and the symptoms were all very similar and lasted around the same amount of time. Five Days. It was always the magic number.

    It has also been my experience that if you stay busy today you're going to get thru the day perfectly fine. My symptoms began to arrive in earnest around the 18th hour so tonight you'll begin to be in the thick of things. The worst part today is going to be anxiety and I'm not making light of it. Staying busy to occupy your mind is going to help. Tomorrow your symptoms will be in full swing. Some people amazingly are able to work thru their detox. I could not and did not want to. Beef gave you the best advice. At least for me, the symptoms never got better gradually but instead stayed full tilt until Day 5 when the worst of it abruptly ended. I say this not to scare or discourage you but instead so that you're aware that when things don't seem to be getting any better it's just the way it is. Lots of people cave around Day 3 because they expect some improvement. Just hang on and get thru it.

    I won't repeat the list of things that Beef gave you except to say to keep the Immodium close. Find the liquid form because it seems to work best. Use it with each event and it'll help tremendously.

    Keep posting. You're going to get thru this with flying colors.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  7. #7
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Cat! Thanks for replying and for the support. I think working is helping. I would probably be miserable and craving if I were at home right now. Working forces me to focus somewhere else. Of course it hasn’t even been 24 hours so I may change my mind about that soon. I’m anxious and kind of slow moving, but I am ok. The world does appear different and I don’t know how to explain that. Things are odd today, but not bad, just not the same.

  8. #8
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    I’ve reached the 24 hour mark. This time yesterday is when I last dosed. Now to get through the rest of today. I’m worried about sleep. That’s my favorite thing to do and I’m quite the zombie without an appropriate amount of rest. I do have trazadone, but don’t often take it. Is that ok if needed? My anxiety and stomach issues are present but manageable. I feel weird and bored, but not terrible. I just cleaned out a cabinet I’ve been meaning to clean for about three months now ! It helped!

  9. #9
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Congrats on your day 1! That’s awesome nomore!

    First I will tell you I was at where you were a year ago, taking 30mg of oxy. Trust me, if you don’t get this problem taken care of now you’ll be at 3X that before you know it. Take my word for it. I just lived it.

    You said cleaning out the cabinet made you feel better, continue to find things to do over the next few days. Staying busy helps a tonnnn. Drink water and gator aid and flush the junk out of you. I think the immodium and hylands restless legs stuff helped me a ton. Shower or hot baths as often as I could, they really helped me relax. Catrina ^^ gave me the advice to use heating pads on my legs to help with the rls, I’m not sure if it helped me but it’s worth a shot! & stay positive! At your dose the mental battle is going to be tougher than the physical I would bet. Stay busy. Don’t sit around and think “oh poor me”. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel when you quit thinking of being sick and withdrawal.

    We’re all over here rooting for you! You can do this!
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  10. #10
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi OKC! Thanks for the tips and support. What you just described about taking 3x that before you know it is really what I want to avoid. It’s true that I don’t even want to continue what I’ve been doing but I certainly don’t want it to get worse. I’ve seen what these pills turn other people into and I’ve noticed slight changes in myself. My memory has suffered for sure and I think sometimes I just look like an idiot. I know it’s the meds, but no one else knows.
    So this is the morning of day 2! I slept ok last night, though not as well as I typically do. I woke up before my alarm. I feel ok, just anxious about the day. Thank you all for the help! Here goes.
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  11. #11
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Well so far I've had 2 posts sent to the mods this morning. So I'll cut this post down even more and hope it posts. Look up DLPA. Works great and helps with the mental stuff. I still take it today.

    You're doing great!
    Keep it rolling
    Beef

  12. #12
    ForMe30 is offline Member
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    Hi Nomore!
    You’ve gotten great advise and this forum is a lifesaver. Come on here...post and read and read some more. I was exactly like you. I had a script for Vicodin at 23yrs old and never got addicted to them. I would take them once a month for “woman days” and never think about them again (although sometimes I would take them recreationally). Sure I did other drugs but never became addicted like this. Fast forward to 34yrs old and I just needed more, I was a new mom and loved the fake energy). Slowly my dose went up....the first 2yrs I never took more than 20mg a day then the next 3 years to now (I’m about to turn 39) I take up to 60mg a day. I’ve quit cold turkey from low doses and high doses and withdrawal is all the same.
    I wish I had someone to tell me to stop that first year...I wish I found this site, I wish I would have found some (any) support.
    So please, come on here and vent, talk, and read.
    You can do this!
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  13. #13
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey ForMe! Thank you! I just read some of your story. I’m pulling for you too! It does help to come here and read.
    Physically I’m not all that bad off. I just have little motivation and energy. I am so accustomed to taking a pill before doing anything else. It’s like a start button and the start button is now gone. But I’m going to work today anyway and hopefully complete my long to do list! Thanks for checking in, y’all!
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  14. #14
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    This post is still here! Thank you for the suggestion.

  15. #15
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Today is harder than yesterday but it is mostly upset stomach which is still manageable and the mental stuff. So frustrating. I don’t even WANT any but my brain keeps going there. I want to shut it off. I’m still working like normal, but I’m a bit lazier. Lol!

  16. #16
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Have you been taking immodium? I barely had any stomach problems through my withdraw. I didn’t take big amounts like I’ve seen others do. I took 6mg twice a day for the first five days then 6mg once at night on the 6th. I feel fine now! Immodium vitamins and water!

  17. #17
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    I just got some Imodium a little while ago. Immodium, water, b6, b12, and L-tyrosine are all on board. I’m almost finished working and have errands to run. Honestly I thought I’d dread running errands, but I’m glad I have something to do other than sit around and think.
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  18. #18
    ForMe30 is offline Member
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    Errands ugh lol I couldn’t run my errands unless I took a pill. What helps is putting music on. I would my ear buds on and zone out. It helps tremendously.
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  19. #19
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    ForMe-that’s how I’ve been for several months. I don’t want to do chores of errands without a pill. I thought I couldn’t or it would be boring. Maybe it is boring, but I’ve got to change. My family deserves better than someone who can’t function without opiates, better than someone who spends money on it. I’m angry at myself for the behavior and I want to medicate the anger. This is ridiculous and so difficult.

  20. #20
    ForMe30 is offline Member
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    How are you feeling?

  21. #21
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Not great. Immodium helped for the most part. Mostly fighting cravings today. Some minor pains popping up that I didn’t even have before using the pills. I got my errands done, but I was irritable doing so. I’m trying to go to sleep because I have a lot to do tmrw, but I’m not drifting off. It’s not RLS, it’s my brain. I haven’t had RLS. I’ve been anticipating it. How are you feeling?

  22. #22
    ForMe30 is offline Member
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    We can all relate. At first you want to medicate the anger but further down the line you’ll want to medicate the guilt. Then you’ll want to medicate the withdrawals. It’s never ending.
    The good this that you are seeking help (coming on here) AND you only wasted one year on that horrible pill. Don’t turn into 2 or 3....
    Everyone on here kept telling me that once you stop, even in the first week, you notice things. See when your high on opiates, it produces too much feel good endorphins that you are literally a zombie. That’s why you can do all those things, like shopping and working and cleaning because you feel and sense nothing. I went on errands today, legs burning stomach twisting but my mind was in the moment. Like I saw what I was picking out conceptually. Where as before I would just grab and go...in a trance. Eventually the trance becomes normal for us when it shouldn’t be.

    I planned my kids 5th birthday at my house with 50 people without any pills! I had a great time I wasn’t in the corner cleaning or trying to organize or thinking about the next pill. I was socializing (socializing pretty much stopped for me) and playing games and REALLY having fun. No trance.

    Everything you’re thinking you can’t do or don’t want to do unless you take a pill, is what kept me in the cycle. And probably a lot of us. That and not getting support. I finally told me mom everything, I mean everything and this is the first time she’s ever saw me in withdrawals and it’s the first time I felt like maybe I can beat this bc I actually have someone. Maybe we can stay off opiates for good. Point is, find someone you can talk to. Estimate you feel like you really need a pill or if you start taking them again (hopefully now for the both of us).
    I’m rooting for you.
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  23. #23
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Yes to all of that! It’s been strange. Even yesterday before I even reached 24 hours I noticed all kinds of things that I must have been in a trance for. Some good things and some bad. Today has been the same except I felt worse today and didn’t really take the time to enjoy the good. I did get through work like a normal person.
    I do have someone I can talk to that knows everything. It’s helps. This forum helps. Music has helped a lot. I keep replaying songs that are new to me because I’m starting to associate them with being clean. I don’t know, just trying to avoid triggers. I want to sleep though. Really! I’m rooting for you, too! Thank you!

  24. #24
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Day 3 is the worst one for sure. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I’ve cried all day. I had to be around people this morning and I’m unsure how I managed that. Brain cloud. Misery. It’s probably a good thing I had the foresight to leave no stash.

  25. #25
    thefigurehead is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomoreofthis4 View Post
    Day 3 is the worst one for sure. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I’ve cried all day. I had to be around people this morning and I’m unsure how I managed that. Brain cloud. Misery. It’s probably a good thing I had the foresight to leave no stash.
    Hi Nomoreofthis -

    You bet day 3 is a doozy to get through. That 72 hour mark is the height of the WD. Anxiety, restlessness, GI issues, depression, mood swings, etc... and then cravings. It is great that you don't have a stash left to temp you. Do whatever you have to to get through the next two days. Try and stay active, if you can. It will help pass the time. Post here as much as you want. Even just to journal for your own reasons. All of it helps you to get past the acute phase of quitting.

    You can do this! You are doing it... power through the tough symptoms and in no time you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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  26. #26
    ForMe30 is offline Member
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    Stay strong Nomore. You can do this. Keep reading and post especially now. 3rd day is the worst but it will get better.

  27. #27
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you everyone. I hope today is better. I still have a bad feeling this morning. I keep waking up early. At least I’m sleeping I guess just not as much as usual.
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  28. #28
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomoreofthis4 View Post
    Thank you everyone. I hope today is better. I still have a bad feeling this morning. I keep waking up early. At least I’m sleeping I guess just not as much as usual.
    Hi!

    Sorry I've been MIA for the past few days. I was elbow deep in paint helping my daughter re-do her kitchen. We're almost done but not yet even after two 10 hr days of sanding and paint. The cabinet doors remain stacked against the walls and the dining area still just with primer. I'm done for now because I just need to recover from that. I'm too old! LOL

    I just caught up with where you're at and you're doing perfectly believe it or not. Whatever it takes to get past these days of the acute physical. I remember you posted early on that sleep or lack thereof was one of the things that worried you the most. Here's the thing, Hide the clocks and try not to worry about how much you're getting. Doing that will sabotage everything. Sleep is going to be sketchy and different for a while. It's more than the amount of sleep you're getting, the kind of sleep is different too. Trust me, if you were able to stay comfortable and asleep for twelve hours, you'd wake up and want more. It's weird. Maybe now is a good time to allow this to adjust your need and desire to sleep a lot. I've learned to thoroughly love my early mornings all by myself to do whatever I want to do. It can be reading, watching the news, or catching up on work. Whatever I want to do. I just cherish that time and it's become more important than sleeping. I think wanting to sleep a lot and why we want to self medicate are all wound up together. Ya know? Anyway, your sleep patterns are going to change at least for now.

    Oh yes the energy to get the things done that we don't necessarily want to do. Another adjustment. I had to learn that it was perfectly OK to not get everything done all of the time. Sometimes I opt for doing absolutely nothing more than a day of watching my favorite movies. The laundry will still be there waiting for me tomorrow. We seem to put all this pressure on ourselves and why? Give yourself a break.

    You're doing great and you will get thru this. By the way, it's OK to use the Trazadone to help you sleep at least for now.

    Peace,

    Cat

  29. #29
    Nomoreofthis4 is offline Junior Member
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    Hey Cat! You don’t need to explain yourself.
    The work you just described sounds like a great distraction but also like something I couldn’t do right now.

    I did not take the trazadone last night. It took me a while to go to sleep and I woke up before 5 again. That’s ok, but I am tired. I didn’t watch the clock. My little girl crawled in bed and cuddled and that really helped me for some reason. It didn’t help me sleep, but it helped my mood.

    I have these surges of “Oh I can do this. It’s gonna be great” followed by “I just can’t and I’m gonna die and what about all the triggers and when my husband makes me mad and when I have to work Bc working is more fun on the pills” and on and on and on...omg! It’s like 70 people live in my brain and I can’t stand any of them. Also, I may have told my husband this isn’t going to work out yesterday. Like we’re just casually dating or something. I’ve lost my mind. He just wrinkled his brow and looked at me. Y’all that’s really not how he and I roll. Luckily I’m a bit off kilter when totally sober and nothing I say is shocking. But still! That was awful!

    I remember a time around 6 to 8 years ago that I was happy. I’ve always had mood issues that appear to run in my blood. But in spite of my moods, I was happy. I derived joy in every day things like walks and folk music and painting and reading....without meds. At some point I decided those things were more fun with meds. Why? Who told me that? And now I barely do any of those things. I have walked almost every day since this journey began. I have my paints out-I’ve stared at them.

    I’m sorry for rambling. There’s a ton of >>>> running through my mind right now.
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  30. #30
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nomoreofthis4 View Post
    Hey Cat! You don’t need to explain yourself.
    The work you just described sounds like a great distraction but also like something I couldn’t do right now.

    I did not take the trazadone last night. It took me a while to go to sleep and I woke up before 5 again. That’s ok, but I am tired. I didn’t watch the clock. My little girl crawled in bed and cuddled and that really helped me for some reason. It didn’t help me sleep, but it helped my mood.

    I have these surges of “Oh I can do this. It’s gonna be great” followed by “I just can’t and I’m gonna die and what about all the triggers and when my husband makes me mad and when I have to work Bc working is more fun on the pills” and on and on and on...omg! It’s like 70 people live in my brain and I can’t stand any of them. Also, I may have told my husband this isn’t going to work out yesterday. Like we’re just casually dating or something. I’ve lost my mind. He just wrinkled his brow and looked at me. Y’all that’s really not how he and I roll. Luckily I’m a bit off kilter when totally sober and nothing I say is shocking. But still! That was awful!

    I remember a time around 6 to 8 years ago that I was happy. I’ve always had mood issues that appear to run in my blood. But in spite of my moods, I was happy. I derived joy in every day things like walks and folk music and painting and reading....without meds. At some point I decided those things were more fun with meds. Why? Who told me that? And now I barely do any of those things. I have walked almost every day since this journey began. I have my paints out-I’ve stared at them.

    I’m sorry for rambling. There’s a ton of >>>> running through my mind right now.
    You know what I call this? Planning for your relapse. We all do it. We start to list all reasons we like life better with pills. What we choose to ignore are all the reasons we knew we had to stop all the chit. Once we begin to medicate everyday, it becomes our new normal and being clean and sober isn't comfortable. We just don't know what to do with it. For long term sobriety, we have to reinvent our new normal. You may pick back up on the things you used to enjoy and I'm sure you will while there might be others you won't ever bother with again. So what? Find new things. This is your chance for a complete re-do if that's what you want. And yes, I'm sure there will be things that will spill out of your mouth that even you won't understand but we learn to control that too. When I was using it was easy to swallow everything even the things that I shouldn't have. With some clean time, I was was entitled to speak my mind. Yes that's the word I meant to use. Entitled. I felt so badly about myself while I was using that I didn't feel I had the right to stand up for myself. The only thing that led to is wanting more pills to bury all the stuff I didn't want to face or couldn't face. In spite of that, it was all still there waiting for me and all I did was delay it. OK. I delayed it by twenty years. lol

    All of this is going to come together with some time. Don't romanticize how you felt while you were taking pills. It's funny that we only remember how much energy or patience we had and the list goes on. Oh how much we missed though. You paint? I mean not like me. I paint walls and trim. You actually paint? I'm so jealous. Not a talented bone in this old body unless you count typing fast or talking a lot. I do both of those really well.

    You'll get there, sweetheart. Hang in there because the entire world is at your feet. Believe it or not, it is.

    Peace,

    Cat
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