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DAY 1 through DAY 10 going COLD TURKEY
  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    5 Hours away from 11 DAYS in:

    I was wishing for the 1-6 days, 3 & 4 being the worst. Not in my case, the last 2.5 days have been pretty bad. The symptoms are:

    Major Bathroom Issues
    Heavy Body Aches
    Legs Always Hurt
    Feel Generally Terrible All Over
    Somewhat Down

    When will this let up?
    E.

    Any minute now...FOR SURE! We are not unique in this particular situation so why would the outcome be any different for you?!
    What's going to happen is tomorrow is day 12 and almost EVERY person coming off of a rough detox like you seems to report that they are soooo much better by day 15, right?! So now you can just sit back and think/know that the brutal part is coming to it's end. Everything else will be a cakewalk after what you've just been through. Now that's GREAT NEWS! I envy you E.
    I'm at 2 mg of Suboxone and have a slow, drip, drip, drip drip.... type of taper torture ahead of me for the next several months. You'll be laughing at us schmuks by then!
    Of course, I welcome the drip, drip and am thankful to be doing the drip with everyone on here! I don't think I would have made it through what you have (especially with a delivery coming my way...did you get rid of that yet?) and you might as well know that you can conquer the world at this point (oh yeh, you mentioned that you intend to once clean so we're in agreement here!).

    Any MINUTE now, E...any MINUTE! Hang in there.
    Efil Pleh and Iluv2smile like this.
    Peace!
    Beth/grateful

    "Let our lives not be trapped by circumstances, and may love and redemption prevail"
    As shared by my good Friend, Kat!

  2. #122
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    THE PILLS SHOWED UP AND I REJECTED THE DELIVERY > RETURN TO SENDER!
    120, 30mg Oxy's

    On a day that I feel so bad I could hardly get around I rejected what would have made me feel just fine, FOR 90 MINUTES. They are gone back to the Pharmacy.

    I'm disappointed that I'm on DAY 11 and still feel pretty bad, but I'm not discouraged and will get my life back!

    I will never do what I did to myself with those pills with anything else, ever again!
    E.
    Skyeben05 and LeTang like this.

  3. #123
    Skyeben05 is offline New Member
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    Today has been awful!!!!!!!!
    Just needed to say it out loud. The leg cramps nausea and heart burn is unbelievable starting to really take a toll on me today. My neuropathy in my feet and legs is painful but I keep telling myself it will get better feels like I am standing on hot coals with electricity shooting out of my feet makes me look like I have terets. I just keep praying after these devil pills are out off me I will get better and stay positive it's starting to take a toll on me that I just plain don't feel like doing anything. After tonight I will have one whole week in that feels great. Everyone else keep pushing forward we are all doing this together that is what I keep telling myself.
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  4. #124
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Wow I did not know they send narcotics in the mail still!
    If you can do that and send them back when you feel so bad you can do anything!
    That is determination!
    Congrats!
    Iluv2
    LeTang and Iwantoff2013 like this.

  5. #125
    LeTang is offline New Member
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    Took another 15 mg of regular vic today. Last week I was taking around 150 mg of vic and oxy a day. I am so miserable and am in withdrawals even though I am trying to taper. I don't think my neighbor will give me anymore so hopefully tomorrow I can make it without any.
    Efil: Awesome that you rejected the script. I can totally relate to the symptoms you have been describing. I haven't jumped all the way off yet because I am so afraid of the physical pain. It is bad enough as is but last time I tried to do this I actually spent most of the night in the bathtub because it was the only thing that made me able to tolerate the physical pain. good luck

  6. #126
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    As someone who is tapering Subs with the support of the wonderful people here, I am so thankful that Efil is posting his fight for his life minute by minute.

    LeTang, keep going. Read, post, read, post. Keep sitting in the bath for as often and as long as you need to.
    Let Efil guide and inspire you.

    Efil...YEh, WOO HOO, AMAZING!!! Rejecting that delivery...now that is the way to tell your addiction and those pills to ---- off!

    I LOVE this!

    Beth/grateful
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-21-2014 at 06:35 AM. Reason: Typo
    Peace!
    Beth/grateful

    "Let our lives not be trapped by circumstances, and may love and redemption prevail"
    As shared by my good Friend, Kat!

  7. #127
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iluv2smile View Post
    Wow I did not know they send narcotics in the mail still!
    If you can do that and send them back when you feel so bad you can do anything!
    That is determination!
    Congrats!
    Iluv2
    Hi lluv2smile.

    You bring up a >>> point, one I haven't thought of (Narcotics in the mail). The Pharmacy Owner and I have been friends for many years, we are both around the same age and business leaders in the community (until I moved 5 states away, 6 moths ago). We had a passion for foreign sports cars and used to compare cars we bought and talk about ones we were interested is, I really liked him.

    Moving 5 sates away from the pain management doctor and Pharmacist was part of my pre-cold turkey preparation. I though it would be to hard to quit with these two so close to me. I was in a position of power and the people around me would do things to be nice (Know what I mean), problem was those things were hurting me because I had become an addict.

    I now live in a new state / city / community where I am learning how to communicate with people that are struggling, some working hard, some living off the system, most are good, some are bad, regardless they are people trying one way or another and as long as they are trying they are good with me. I admire many of them and hope to be their friend as soon as I can carry on a conversation again.

    The day and half prior to the pills arriving was tough, I thought about accepting them and crouching them with a hammer, but realized that was the pills talking and trying ti trick me by getting them into my hands and close to my face. That thought lasted for split second because ether is no way I'm touching one again. The truck pulled up and I was hurting so bad, every bone in my body was hurting, my stomach was sick and I had to use the bathroom again!

    I made it to the door and exchanged polite words with the guy, he said no problem the sender will have them in a few days, then ran accrues the yard and in to truck and drove off. When I heard the truck pull away it reminded me of all the months I waited for those types of trucks to show up at my house, I could hear it coming down the street and new my junk was aboard, I was experiencing happiness, was I? I haven't thought about those trucks until the Pharmacy screw up and will never thing about them again, because I don't care!

    Speaking of Happiness - I have a new definition of the word and emotion of HAPPINESS

    HAPPINESS = The joy that we feel growing toward our potential.

    Thanks for you supportive words and posts they mean allot to me. I do hope after rejecting that I can do anything because I plan on doing allot
    Iluv2smile and LeTang like this.

  8. #128
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 11 and 9 Hours away from DAY 12
    Friday 8:50AM

    The last 3 days have been awful, just felt so bad, really bad and NO SLEEP!
    In the 10.5-Day timeframe I only slept one night and 4 another night, the rest were wide-awake. The sleep deprivation takes a huge toll on your body and I’m convinced it makes everything else you feel 10 times worse.

    Last night I slept 10 HOURS straight undisturbed. I didn’t do it without help, my mother in-law gave me a Xanax, which after about an hour I was asleep. I took the Xanax with two Tylenol and three Hyland RLS and it worked.

    This morning I feel much better, I am not crawling around the house as I did the last 3 days. I did not want to take anything close to Xanax to get through this but I just had to. I hope I get back to a semi-normal sleep routine soon, the sleep helps, at least it has helped so far today.

    I don’t want to post another post that I’m through the worst of it because I’ve dine that in the past and the following day was terrible so I will wait for a solid run of day prior to making those claims again.

    I read many posts of people trying to tapper or stopping and taking one hare and there. All communicate about how bad they feel. I too tried to tapper and felt the same way, the feeling your have of WD;s while tapper are very close to the full blown WD’s, the only difference in my experiences was the full WD;s had spike that really hurt, spikes that lasted 20-40 minutes or maybe an hour or tow at worst, BUT they past. That is the KEY, THEY GO AWAY! Believe they do!

    Don’t start by saying I’m quitting, start by molding your mind for the actual event. Use posts from here to validate what you can do, because others have too.

    If I didn’t belong to this forum I doubt very much I would have ever made it this far! I can say I may have failed. This group has made a world of difference, it gave the words of wisdom and the pushes I needed at the times I needed them the most. I built the vehicle; the group supplied the vehicle fuel to power me around the track and cross the finish line (I am still going around the track)

    E.
    Iwantoff2013 likes this.

  9. #129
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Dead in the Sea?

    I look back and remember one of the thoughts that kept haunting my mind, the though of dying or killing myself, yes I had thoughts of ending it all. I never came close to acting but thought was so disturbing.

    During my whole experience in WD’s I never thought of being dead, I thought of this hurt being over, Hum?

    Anyway, the thought of leaving the earth even though I would be free of the hell I was living I would be away from my Son. I thought to myself I would want to be cremated and my ashes spread out in the sea. My son loves the ocean and all life within it; I figured he would think to himself my Daddy lives with the sea creatures.

    How messed up is that!!!!!

    After that thought I cried terribly and said I really need to stop taking these nasty pills. I look back at those moment’s today in disbelief but know they were real, I have a hard time even admitting that happened and wish it didn’t and hope when I think about that long ago terrible thought and emotion again in the future, I’m doing something great with my Son.

    E.

  10. #130
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    I am sure you will do many great things..
    The world is your oyster..
    It is hard to admit those really sick secrets to anyone or even to ourselves..
    But admitting them and putting them in writing takes the power out of them..
    Helps us not to react to them..
    But to accept them for what they are .. Thoughts only thoughts..
    Our thoughts have definetly lied to us in the past..
    Like telling us we can take pills successfully..
    We can't believe everything we think!
    Fo sure..

    In AA what we recover from is a hopeless state on mind..
    You are well on your way my friend...
    So have a great day and I will check back later!
    Iluv2

  11. #131
    lakemn is offline New Member
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    E-you are inspiring. I am at hour 15...that's it...only 15 hours in to it.

    what I wouldn't do to be farther.

    have tried multiple times before but failed. then found this forum and saw stories like yours and think well they are doing it why cant it.

    I have no energy, don't feel too jittery yet, stomach is for sure upset.

    just took ibuprofen, and immodium and about 30 min later felt a bit better.

    trying to keep busy with cleaning, knitting, I also am taking care of my kiddos today. yep I am a mom. your suburban mom with a good job, 3 beautiful kids, from the outside probably looks pretty nice....

    if they only knew the torture I was going under on the inside.

    15 hours in...though I must say when I first posted last night I was only 1 1/2 hours in!
    LeTang likes this.

  12. #132
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lakemn View Post
    E-you are inspiring. I am at hour 15...that's it...only 15 hours in to it.

    what I wouldn't do to be farther.

    have tried multiple times before but failed. then found this forum and saw stories like yours and think well they are doing it why cant it.

    I have no energy, don't feel too jittery yet, stomach is for sure upset.

    just took ibuprofen, and immodium and about 30 min later felt a bit better.

    trying to keep busy with cleaning, knitting, I also am taking care of my kiddos today. yep I am a mom. your suburban mom with a good job, 3 beautiful kids, from the outside probably looks pretty nice....

    if they only knew the torture I was going under on the inside.

    15 hours in...though I must say when I first posted last night I was only 1 1/2 hours in!
    You say, What I wouldn't do to be further?
    Commit to yourself you will make it and if there are any pills in the house they need to go immediately.

    Keep up the GREAT WORK!

  13. #133
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    11 DAYS and 19 Hours in:

    Today has been better, the body and legs do not hurt as much and my stomach has settled down. I do not want to say I am though the worst of it, I had done that previously and it proved to incorrect.

    I am no one special, if I can do this so can you and as I stated in my prior posts it’s a mind set. A mind set some of us can achieve the way I did it and some us will need more support.

    The reason I stated some will need more support is because a reply to one my posts made me realize there are many different people out there carrying many things inside and when you add addiction which gave them relief from an existing challenge they now are faced with getting rid of two problems. I guess this what is referred to Dual Diagnoses in the very lucrative world of rehabilitation?

    I too have Dual Diagnoses, I know this from my experience, I poses the same inter-challenges everyone else does, they lack of confidence, the worrying what people think and problem of not listening enough and there are more. We all have these traits and disorders as some call them, or is it just being human?

    The only one who can fix or at least make livable is us, our own selves. Support helps us find us and our own tools to fix or make better what haunts us inside, we posses the abilities to make the needed changes, no one can make it happen for you, me. Take the time to prepare yourself and your mind for what has happen and what needs to be done. Drastic things may need to take place and I mean drastic, but first you must want it bad enough, you must be honest with yourself and take responsibility of your actions, own what you did and make good on what you desire and use what you have learned to forge ahead with who you know you can be or once was no matter how long ago.

    We may have touched only on the internet but a part of me will be with you from this point on, I will never forget the 1800 plus views, I will pray for you every night and be by your side if only in spirit no matter what path you chose.

    This is not just a decision; it’s a process to a decision, then a decision. It takes planning, mental conditioning and in some cases drastic measures prior to mentally and physically stopping the insanity of stuffing these nasty pills in our faces.

    I walk beside you from this point forward.
    E.
    Iluv2smile and LeTang like this.

  14. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    Dead in the Sea?

    I look back and remember one of the thoughts that kept haunting my mind, the though of dying or killing myself, yes I had thoughts of ending it all. I never came close to acting but thought was so disturbing.

    During my whole experience in WD’s I never thought of being dead, I thought of this hurt being over, Hum?

    Anyway, the thought of leaving the earth even though I would be free of the hell I was living I would be away from my Son. I thought to myself I would want to be cremated and my ashes spread out in the sea. My son loves the ocean and all life within it; I figured he would think to himself my Daddy lives with the sea creatures.

    How messed up is that!!!!!

    After that thought I cried terribly and said I really need to stop taking these nasty pills. I look back at those moment’s today in disbelief but know they were real, I have a hard time even admitting that happened and wish it didn’t and hope when I think about that long ago terrible thought and emotion again in the future, I’m doing something great with my Son.

    E.


    Brutal, brutal honesty.
    This is why you are winning the fight.
    What you just shared brought tears to my eyes.
    Those desperate thoughts were born from a mind still so sick with poison. You are able to recall them now because you are clear and lucid. Thank God.
    I tortured myself for so long trying to figure out what thoughts my brother must have had before taking his own life. I knew that they were sick thoughts and he did not stand a chance against them in the condition he had been for so long. This is why I always say it was big mistake...he would have NEVER done it if he was thinking clearly and in his right mind. But I digress.
    I've been writing about him a lot lately. The anniversary of his death is next week. I don't get too wrapped up in those kinds of dates but it must be weighing on me more than I realize after reading about so much suffering on this forum.

    Drugs s---. Period.

    Thank God we will make it out of this alive. Not everybody does.

    Remember E, you are going to feel better any MINUTE now.
    Iluv2smile and Iwantoff2013 like this.
    Peace!
    Beth/grateful

    "Let our lives not be trapped by circumstances, and may love and redemption prevail"
    As shared by my good Friend, Kat!

  15. #135
    LeTang is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gratefulforfina View Post
    As someone who is tapering Subs with the support of the wonderful people here, I am so thankful that Efil is posting his fight for his life minute by minute.

    LeTang, keep going. Read, post, read, post. Keep sitting in the bath for as often and as long as you need to.
    Let Efil guide and inspire you.

    Efil...YEh, WOO HOO, AMAZING!!! Rejecting that delivery...now that is the way to tell your addiction and those pills to ---- off!

    I LOVE this!

    Beth/grateful
    I have not been more encouraged on these boards to dump these drugs in a long time. His diary or what ever you call it has been the best thing since sliced bread to me. No Vics yet today and feeling really horrible been about 14 hours since I took a 5 mg. The pain in my back and legs are what is killing me the most but hot baths relieve it while I am in there. The strange thing is I can sleep a little at a time must be that tiny amount of opiate I have had.

  16. #136
    LeTang is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    11 DAYS and 19 Hours in:

    Today has been better, the body and legs do not hurt as much and my stomach has settled down. I do not want to say I am though the worst of it, I had done that previously and it proved to incorrect.

    I am no one special, if I can do this so can you and as I stated in my prior posts it’s a mind set. A mind set some of us can achieve the way I did it and some us will need more support.

    The reason I stated some will need more support is because a reply to one my posts made me realize there are many different people out there carrying many things inside and when you add addiction which gave them relief from an existing challenge they now are faced with getting rid of two problems. I guess this what is referred to Dual Diagnoses in the very lucrative world of rehabilitation?

    I too have Dual Diagnoses, I know this from my experience, I poses the same inter-challenges everyone else does, they lack of confidence, the worrying what people think and problem of not listening enough and there are more. We all have these traits and disorders as some call them, or is it just being human?

    The only one who can fix or at least make livable is us, our own selves. Support helps us find us and our own tools to fix or make better what haunts us inside, we posses the abilities to make the needed changes, no one can make it happen for you, me. Take the time to prepare yourself and your mind for what has happen and what needs to be done. Drastic things may need to take place and I mean drastic, but first you must want it bad enough, you must be honest with yourself and take responsibility of your actions, own what you did and make good on what you desire and use what you have learned to forge ahead with who you know you can be or once was no matter how long ago.

    We may have touched only on the internet but a part of me will be with you from this point on, I will never forget the 1800 plus views, I will pray for you every night and be by your side if only in spirit no matter what path you chose.

    This is not just a decision; it’s a process to a decision, then a decision. It takes planning, mental conditioning and in some cases drastic measures prior to mentally and physically stopping the insanity of stuffing these nasty pills in our faces.

    I walk beside you from this point forward.
    E.
    The one time I quit cold turkey for 11 days i did it by lurking on this board and following a similar post as yours. This time I decided to join in and hopefully it will stick. I hate these pills and want to be able to get up drink a cup of coffee and go on with my day. Not take a handful (literally) of pills wait til they kick in and then end up doing nothing for the day but look forward to the next handful. I have so much to live for and it is time to get living.
    The above words in YOUR POST are precious and encouraging. Thank You!

  17. #137
    Anonymous Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    DAY 11 and 9 Hours away from DAY 12
    Friday 8:50AM

    The last 3 days have been awful, just felt so bad, really bad and NO SLEEP!
    In the 10.5-Day timeframe I only slept one night and 4 another night, the rest were wide-awake. The sleep deprivation takes a huge toll on your body and I’m convinced it makes everything else you feel 10 times worse.

    Last night I slept 10 HOURS straight undisturbed. I didn’t do it without help, my mother in-law gave me a Xanax, which after about an hour I was asleep. I took the Xanax with two Tylenol and three Hyland RLS and it worked.

    This morning I feel much better, I am not crawling around the house as I did the last 3 days. I did not want to take anything close to Xanax to get through this but I just had to. I hope I get back to a semi-normal sleep routine soon, the sleep helps, at least it has helped so far today.

    I don’t want to post another post that I’m through the worst of it because I’ve dine that in the past and the following day was terrible so I will wait for a solid run of day prior to making those claims again.

    I read many posts of people trying to tapper or stopping and taking one hare and there. All communicate about how bad they feel. I too tried to tapper and felt the same way, the feeling your have of WD;s while tapper are very close to the full blown WD’s, the only difference in my experiences was the full WD;s had spike that really hurt, spikes that lasted 20-40 minutes or maybe an hour or tow at worst, BUT they past. That is the KEY, THEY GO AWAY! Believe they do!

    Don’t start by saying I’m quitting, start by molding your mind for the actual event. Use posts from here to validate what you can do, because others have too.

    If I didn’t belong to this forum I doubt very much I would have ever made it this far! I can say I may have failed. This group has made a world of difference, it gave the words of wisdom and the pushes I needed at the times I needed them the most. I built the vehicle; the group supplied the vehicle fuel to power me around the track and cross the finish line (I am still going around the track)

    E.

    Totally agree with the SLEEP! I also got 10 plus hours last night and now on day 5 But I couldn't do it alone. Took Restlful legs Calme Forte, 2 nightime advils and an ativan. I was sooooo scared that I would have to go through another day without sleep that I was willing to take anything (except OPIATES) to get my beauty sleep Today felt so WONDERFUl compared to yesterday but a wave hit me at 4pm and sent me straight to the couch. It passed as I typed and read the pain away on here. Support others, write your own stuff, this site has been a saviour. I did taper down but not as much as I hoped. The WDS were torturous while my body got use to the dosage and when I saw an opportunity of 1 week off to detox, I jumped and took it! But THEN my work offered me modified duties (as I was off due to injury) and had to go to work or not get paid. SOOOOO I played the FLU card which only gave me 2.5 days and I went to work on DAY 3. SO GROSS! But looking back I am so grateful that I didn't use having to go back to work as an excuse to go back on my torturous taper schedule. I did want the pills SO BAD but It wasn't worth having to go through day 1 and 2 again. Although they weren't that unbearable, mentally they were SUCKY!
    So proud of everything you've accomplished. Through the good and bad, happy and sad, WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE! Im so happy about the choices you are making and the values you are instilling in your son. VYBER HUG!

  18. #138
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    11 Days and 3 Hours in:

    Today was the best day so far, little pain in the body and legs; I could actually sit for extended periods of time. I felt somewhat comfortable, not completely but somewhat. I’m not discounting bad days ahead, but I hope not!

    Tomorrow morning at 4:30AM my entire family and all relations living around me leave for Thanksgiving break vacation and travel 5 states away, YUCK! I will not be going.

    Timing is everything!

    (My Timing) and my timing was Monday November 10th at 6PM and nothing was going to move, postpone, sway or change that time, it was my time. I don’t care about Thanksgiving, Christmas, My Birthday or any other holiday or special occasion. Nothing could have changed this time (maybe a death in the family) but other than that nothing!

    It was my time, I worked hard to plan and prepare. I had no pills and severed all vehicles to get pills along with my relationship with the Doctor, Pharmacy and Pharmacist. I had spent weeks preparing, mentally and talking with my self and documenting all the bad things that were happening to me and happened to me in the last six years. The writing was on the wall, which I read many times and never could justify continuing to take these nasty pain pills.

    I’m not looking forward to the next 8 days, especially with the first one being my Birthday, but I look at this way, this is the best Birthday gift I could ever give myself!

    My Life Back
    E.

  19. #139
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Take time to make time for the right time, read the thread I started it may help you plan and prepare for the right time. This may be the right time for you and it may not, preparation and planning is key and once you have decided, planned, prepared and committed, "it will work".

    I look forward to seeing your progress and accomplishments in the near future. Great support will come from many special people in these forums all fighting for life!

    E.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-22-2014 at 02:08 PM.

  20. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    11 Days and 3 Hours in:

    Today was the best day so far, little pain in the body and legs; I could actually sit for extended periods of time. I felt somewhat comfortable, not completely but somewhat. I’m not discounting bad days ahead, but I hope not!

    Tomorrow morning at 4:30AM my entire family and all relations living around me leave for Thanksgiving break vacation and travel 5 states away, YUCK! I will not be going.

    Timing is everything!

    (My Timing) and my timing was Monday November 10th at 6PM and nothing was going to move, postpone, sway or change that time, it was my time. I don’t care about Thanksgiving, Christmas, My Birthday or any other holiday or special occasion. Nothing could have changed this time (maybe a death in the family) but other than that nothing!

    It was my time, I worked hard to plan and prepare. I had no pills and severed all vehicles to get pills along with my relationship with the Doctor, Pharmacy and Pharmacist. I had spent weeks preparing, mentally and talking with my self and documenting all the bad things that were happening to me and happened to me in the last six years. The writing was on the wall, which I read many times and never could justify continuing to take these nasty pain pills.

    I’m not looking forward to the next 8 days, especially with the first one being my Birthday, but I look at this way, this is the best Birthday gift I could ever give myself!

    My Life Back
    E.

    Happy Birthday E.
    You have given yourself the gift of the rest of your life!
    Peace!
    Beth/grateful

    "Let our lives not be trapped by circumstances, and may love and redemption prevail"
    As shared by my good Friend, Kat!

  21. #141
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    11 DAYS in:
    11 Hours away from 12 Days
    Saturday Nov, 22nd @ 7:41AM

    I woke up from 8 hours of sleep, which was good.

    My legs hurt a bit and a little body ache with a very low energy level. My stomach is not right but not to bad, I’m sure the shot of Imodium is not far away. I took the vitamins and two Tylenol, which should last me the remainder of the day.

    The mornings when I lived in the world of illusions and depression and hate and everything else you can imagine because I was stuffing my face with those nasty pain pills I would struggle to get to the kitchen and make coffee, I would sit on the chair by the table and hold my head in my hand waiting for the coffee to be done. Then drag myself over to the counter, pour the half & half with a shaky hand and sit back down to sip coffee, it was like I was dying! (I Was)

    Within the next 30 minutes I would take two pills and wait and wait and wait for them to hit my system and most times disappointed at the affect, it just wasn’t enough or what I was expecting, but hey at least I could get dressed and sit on the porch, maybe have another cup of coffee. I would waste the next two hours doing mindless stuff and subconsciously monitoring my internal feeling of the pills. That would lead to the clock watching for the next dose and within 3-4 hours I would repeat the whole process several times during those wasted days.

    That was an awesome day in the life, NOT!

    This morning was so much better than any of those mornings and I still don’t feel 100%, or myself but I’m on my way. I got up and walked into the kitchen with stride, made the coffee with conviction and drank it like a man while watching the news. Then typing this. I hope today is as good as yesterday or better.

    E.
    LeTang and Iluv2smile like this.

  22. #142
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    4 Hours away from 12 DAYS (NO PAIN PILLS)
    288 HOURS
    Saturday November 22nd @ 2:00PM

    Today is going okay, the legs are bothering me and I feel lethargic and down, guess being completely alone has something to do with it. At least I have myself NOW.

    I just got back from a car ride, stopped at the gas station and got a RedBull, probably not a great idea but I really wanted some energy. I then went to Subway and got a foot long Pastrami sub, ate half when I got home and saved the other half for later.

    I’m sitting here watching TV and kind of antsy.

    I am no way near my old self but I am getting there. I felt very awkward in the gas station and subway, I felt like I didn’t want to be spoken to or acknowledged, I just wanted to get want I wanted and get out of there. I’m sure that feeling will pass too?

    Feeling awkward was never in my character, out of my comfort zone, uncomfortable but never awkward, not a good feeling. I have been in fog for so long I guess I actually see the people around me now. I used to just hear them, now I listen to them, hum? I wonder how much I actually missed, not sure, but sure I will never miss again.

    Today is not easy by any means but it is doable and worth every minute. I will keep pushing and pushing until this is over.

    E.

  23. #143
    girlinterrupted90 is offline New Member
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    I'm only two days in and my mental state is so messed up! It's miserable! And lack of sleep... the physical pain I can deal with. Man this is hard. But I'm glad to see people making it that's amazing and good for you! You never really know how strong you are till you have to be cliché saying I know

  24. #144
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    For all of us who are trying to quit.

    I wrote this to myself 6 months ago and just read it for the first time since, how true, how real I felt. How badly I wanted to be free from those nasty pain pills:

    I'm no poet and know it, but her you go anyway:

    ________________________________________

    You have what it takes but can’t take what you have.

    What a terrible place to be in!

    You know you have what it takes to obtain a career and raise to the top, then maintain for years. You know you can have the money and the life, you can have what many would love to have but just don’t have what it takes, you have what it takes but you just cant take what you have because you are panelized in your own world.

    You are bound in a ring side seat with an eye on defeat, you wait and wait until you meet, the point in which it all comes to the surface, nowhere to hide, no one to side, its all on you the current the past, it comes through metal, steel and glass. The day is fresh and your sight is blurred, its what you see and what you want to be. Stay on task, give up the past, move forward, and move fast.

    The false cake you once decided to eat will bring defeat. You must make move and flee from thee, make time gone by just a glimmer in your eye. Take this day and the thought to forget about what you bought. Move on and forward at rapid pace, make peace with it right to its face, tear down the demon and leave it for dead, get this >>>> out of your head.

    an original by
    E.

  25. #145
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    12 DAYS and 3 Hours in:
    Saturday Nov 22nd @ 9:00PM

    Today was okay, not to bad with the legs and body but a bit board and lost. I do feel I am out of the bad WD’s and on my way to becoming me again, which I understand will take time, maybe more time than I would like. I am going to have to figure out how to get what I had back, it must come back sooner than later and I just haven’t quite figured out how to make that happen.

    Prior to my horrible last two years because of taking those pain pills I had a great job in a senior level executive position and owned two companies. The companies I owned had there own management and leadership, I was 40% owner of one and 100% owner of the other, one of which I no longer have ownership. The 100% owned is dormant and waiting for my return, I was consulting for fortune 500 companies across the US, the other I was bought out and its doing okay, or at least I think it is. Haven’t spoken to them in almost a year.

    I have a ton of ground to cover to get back to where I once was and I have to start at zero. I am going to find a job as if I just got out of school, I guess. Right now I can’t even think of that, it’s just a passing thought until I am 100% again. Until then I will work on this huge challenge taking it day-by-day making sure I never return to those horrible 6 years of destruction.

    If you are reading this and hold a good job and know you have a pain pill problem do whatever you can to stop taking them forever before its to late. They will strip you bare of everything you ever worked for, they will. You may not see it now but it will happen. This addiction never ends well unless you quit 100% Hopefully you quit before total destruction interrupts your life and all who love and all you love too.

    I consider myself lucky not to be dead or on the street, we just never realize how close we are to skid row. I would often think to myself that I am so messed up that I couldn’t get anything done; I mean nothing, not even paying the bills. My Wife never worked and never took care of the household bills but she does now because I stuffed my face with those nasty pain pills for years.

    Mark my words, I will be back on top within 3 years from my quit date, 12 days ago. I will not falter, swing, sway or cave in, I can’t, I must climb back up and regain my own self-respect and be the providing Man I once was.

    I am so MAD I let this happen to me or did this to myself. Where would I be right now if I didn’t take those pain pills? I know where I wouldn’t be and that would be here, in this neighborhood and house, I’m crushed but not dead, I’m hurt but not finished, I’m embarrassed but not humiliated. I’m just trying to get through each day without crying about what I did. I refuse to let depression set in; I will fight that with every ounce of strength. I live in house 6 times less than the home I just sold and on and on…. But I do have my life and my family and a new outlook on what life really is and what I had was not real life, it was stuff.

    Out of almost every bad thing comes a good, the good in my case is my new appreciations for the real things in life which is life itself, flesh and blood, heart and soul and all things real.

    I forgive myself for what I have done.

    E.
    Chelsee11 likes this.

  26. #146
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    E
    At least the things you built now will have been built with compassion,commitment integrety and love.
    The very things opiates prevent us from feeling and having!
    Another plus is you will remember every step of the way!
    That is another thing we get back .. Our memory!
    Happy Birthday!

    The best holiday gift you can give your family is to take care of you!
    And you are doing it!
    Congratulations
    Iluv
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  27. #147
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    12 Days and 11 Hours away from 13 Days
    Sunday Nov 22nd 2014 @ 7:36AM

    Woke up at 6:45 AM after 8 hours of sleep, I woke two times during the night for a short period and then fell back asleep. For the last two nights I have been taking 2 Tylenol, .50 Xanax and 3 Hylands RLS. After about one hour I am tired and ready for bed, it takes about 30 minutes to actually fall asleep. I feel about 80% comfortable prior to falling asleep, my legs’ are heavy and ache just a bit but the need for sleep over takes and I usually am out with 30 minutes.

    How do I feel after 12 full days:

    *Energy is very low
    *Mood is somber
    *Depression comes and goes with thoughts of what I put myself through
    *Boredom is around much of the time
    *Not very comfortable going anywhere, but getting better

    *Legs are not hurting as much or as often
    *Body is comfortable most of the time
    *Imodium still needed and helping
    *Short bursts of happiness here and there, few and far between but at least happening

    *** Overall days much better then being on the pills!

    I hope this helps people who are trying to quit but afraid of the Withdrawal’s. There were a few really bad days but it was all worth it. Many people on this site told me as I was going through a really bad period it would pass, and it did.

    Godspeed to All

    E.

  28. #148
    cdog8043 is offline New Member
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    i'm hr number 40 hanging tough - wife is being helpful. like all started legally with script through doc. some w/s stmps as others but not bad. worst wife traveling to see family thursday ill be home all alone,

  29. #149
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Suboxone ???

    During my desperate search for my life back I scheduled and appointment at a luxury rehab facility in Florida, traveled there and took the tour and interviewed them. The facility was quite nice, no wonder it cost $60,000.00 for 45 days, (I was desperate)!

    I asked the main “salesman” if they used any addictive drugs to get me off the pain pills, he said no, we do it naturally. I asked the tour person the same questions and she said yes, they give all patients Suboxone. I had researched enough to know what it was and thanked them for their time and went home.

    I am no expert but if possible isn’t it better to get off the pain pills without Sub’s? I understand everyone is different, one is no stronger than the other, all talents and strengths way out in the end so to judge one’s life struggle and how someone gets through it is just a sign of ignorance, so if Sub’s work then take that route.

    The forums have statistical data attached in threads and views, the Suboxone forum is by far the larges data pile in straight out activity by threads and views, does this tell us something or am I just not understanding the data correctly? I’m asking are sub’s as big a problem as pain pills and do they lead to whole other addiction in the majority of the cases?

    Also, is Suboxone only used to get through the withdrawals?

    E.

  30. #150
    cdog8043 is offline New Member
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    E you are doing great. No Subs for me - cold turkey. I wasn't a heavy user just abusing. Did 7 days sober back in May replased. Back at it again CT - but not feeling to bad be 48 hrs in a few. what makes me nervous wife leaving for a few days t0 visit kids. I'll have to much time on my hands. I did call my PM and cancelled appt to get my script filled.

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