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DAY 1 through DAY 10 going COLD TURKEY
  1. #151
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdog8043 View Post
    E you are doing great. No Subs for me - cold turkey. I wasn't a heavy user just abusing. Did 7 days sober back in May replased. Back at it again CT - but not feeling to bad be 48 hrs in a few. what makes me nervous wife leaving for a few days t0 visit kids. I'll have to much time on my hands. I did call my PM and cancelled appt to get my script filled.
    cdog8043

    I am 2 days in an 8 day alone period, my Wife and Son are gone for Thanksgiving Break five states away. I will not tell you its easy, but its doable. What keeps me going is knowing I did this and I need to fix it, it's only me that can make this happen regardless of whats happing around me.

    I finalized my relationship with the PM Doctor and was brutally honest why. Before I quit I made sure I would never have another vehicle to obtain pain pills. In your case you cancelled the appointment which means you can reschedule, what you need to do is end the relationship. Easier said then done.

    I was not a heavy user in the beginning either (first two years) but became one just like the rest. This nasty problem never ends unless you end it for good. I can almost promise that if you go back you will ruin your life and hurt the people you love along the way, it's a lonely world being alive while dead on pain pills.

    Forget about being alone, you have this forum.
    Keep pushing and do all the correct things to make sure you never go backwards.

    Kind Regards,
    E.
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  2. #152
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    13 FULL DAYS in:
    Sunday Nov 22nd 2014
    @6PM

    All of the major withdrawals are over, I hope, haven't had any for two days, just heavy legs with minor aches and a few body aches. I am antsy and bored with low energy and no mood to do anything or go anywhere.

    I take two Tylenol when I feel the aches come and limit my intake to 6 per day and less if not needed. Being home alone for 8 days is adding to the difficulty of fully coming around, the interaction and stimulation from people is missing and makes it that much harder. I will deal with it!

    It has been 13 days since I took a pain pill, I have not had any at all, not even a half, quarter or whatever, there are none here and never will be again. All arteries to gain access to those pills have been removed. Honestly I don't even think about them and I hope it stays that way. I am just so mad at what I let those spills do to me that I wish never to see another.

    If you are reading this and thinking about quitting, think hard, make the decision, plan for your stoppage, prepare for whats ahead, understand others have done it and it can be done, I'm Proof!

    It needs to be a cemented decision and desire within, no one can get you to stop, it must be you and you must do your due diligence or it will fail. I hope my thread has help at least one person to stop, just one is worth so much, its worth one life and life is precious and should never be discounted or overlooked especially by the one who owns that life and that is you, me, us and all. Make your mark on your own life and accomplish something many can not and that is to get your life back, even if you only have the clothes on your back.

    No matter what is happening around you if you don't have yourself nothing will work. Some of the stories on these forums are so scary, sad and worrisome. I pray for all who have it rough and see no light at the end of the tunnel, keep pushing, keep talking and keep searching. "Never Give Up"

    E.
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  3. #153
    Skyeben05 is offline New Member
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    In 3 hours I will have 10 days

    This thread has been a life saver.
    I'd like to thank E for all your posts you helped me threw the trenches and threw to the good side.

    My symtoms are getting much better. I still feel like I have no energy and I have a not knot in the middle of my chest. Hope I start feeling more energy and less heartburn and nausea.

    Everyone trying to quit keep pushing and reading and you will make it to the good side. I hope and pray everyday for the strength to stay on the good side. Each day my neuropathy really tests my strength the pain is terrible but I'm eating healthy low carb no sugar and keeping my diabetic sugar level good. All those devil pills did was make it worse because I was numb and could eat bad food because I would just take anouther pill. Feels good to be on the road to being healthy all around physically and mentally.

    Everyone keep posting so I can keep reading it really helps all of us doing this together. I will keep the the faith and pray for all everyday. Thanks for listening.
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  4. #154
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    13 DAYS and 6 hours in:
    Monday @ 12:43AM

    Having a bit of rough night, can't sleep and the legs are bothering me big time.

    Where did this come from?

    I feel a mild WD feeling over my entire body which has been going on for about two hours. I guess a wave coming through, Yuck! The last two days have been good, but starting at 11PM I am feeling pretty bad, hope this passes soon and I know it will.

    Also have the not sleeping worry hanging over my head. We'll see how this pans out?

    E.

  5. #155
    LeTang is offline New Member
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    Hoping and praying all goes well with your family out of town. I took 2 5 mg regular vics today and my body is finally getting used to a low dose. I am gonna jump soon I JUST CAN"T explain how afraid i am of detox. In the past i have tried over and over to do it and there always comes a point that I am in such pain that I can't even stand it. Drug free is what i truly want. I want my life back.
    Again I want to thank you for your online journal it has done nothing but encourage me to get off these stupid pills. You truly are an inspiration to me and i am sure you are to others.
    Hope your days are filled with peace and happiness. And of course good health.
    Le
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  6. #156
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    13 DAYS and 9 Hours away from 14 FULL DAYS
    Monday, Nov, 23rd, 2014 @ 8:46AM

    Last night was a 3 hour challenge, I felt pretty bad and had a wave of WD, minor but a wave. I finally fell asleep around 1AM and slept until 7:30AM so all in all I did sleep.

    For the last 4 nights I have taken .50 Xanax, 2 Tylenol and 3 Hylands RLS. I have one night left of the Xanax. The Xanax makes me feel bad, I feel foggy and a bit off kilter so I am looking forward to just falling asleep naturally if that happens? The Xanax was given to me by Mother In-Law who uses them for Dentist appointments. Her prescription is 8 months old so I know there are no issues there, Thank God!

    I'm sitting here having coffee and watching CNN. I am really looking forward to getting my energy and good mood back. I'm pretty sure it's not just going to show up on my door step one morning (no pun intended) so I'm going to have to work at it and go after it to get it back. Sitting in the house is probably not the best approach.

    I'm not going to beat myself up over it or get overly mental about it. I always give myself at least 21 days to change a behavior or habit, professional qualified and proven statistics state it takes 21 days. I have used this timeframe in the past and its very accurate. So, all in all things are going well and I am starting to see the light and plan for the next stage of this rebuild of ones life, mine.

    In my mind these are the steps I will follow, currently I'm in step 1. Time frames will be applied after real personal data history is accomplished and recorded:

    1. Withdrawals = Almost 14 Days so far
    2. Ongoing Healthy Diet
    3. Mind and Body Plan
    4. Establish Direction
    5. Rebuild Confidence
    6. Press the accelerator and go for it
    7. Live, Love and Laugh

    E.

  7. #157
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    PAIN PILL FUELED BUYING POWER

    Looking back at what I bought while on pain pills, Whoof, it was a bit crazy! One of my favorite things to do when jacked up on the pills was to shop and buy things, anything and everything and some things way out there.

    This is the story of camping:

    One sunny afternoon I took my Son to and Ice Cream shop out in the country just off a two-lane road that carved through the mountains, the scenery was beautiful and the Husband and Wife owners were wonderful to talk with. As we pulled in the parking lot which also had a miniature golf course built out of what ever the old man could find around the barn and house, it was pretty bad but really awesome. It was no longer functional but you could tell many of folks enjoyed it once upon a time.

    In the parking lot was a 23’ pull behind camper for sale and I saw it and thought now that would be fun for all of us. Long story short I bought it for $7,000, now what I need is a truck so I went to the dealer and bought a very expensive truck, then upgraded the 23’ for 33’ and on and on….

    The truck and campers are gone now, but only two months ago jobless and taking pain pills I was out looking at a 250K + Class A RV Motorhomes, what the heck was I doing?

    I realized “just now” how bizarre that type of behavior was and now know it ended 13 Days ago. Prior to taking those nasty pills I would have never bought any of that.

    I have many more events over the last 6 years that equal or top that ridiculous chain if events. It’s embarrassing to even release these true-life experiences and all I had done, which was, allot. Each day I become more focused and recall so many of these events but refuse to let them get me down or think less of myself, sometimes I laugh, not sure if that is appropriate or not. These events will not get me down and crush me. I’m not ready to give up and sit around thinking I’m done.

    I kept enough money to buy this very inexpensive home we are living in and 6 months worth the operating costs and then we are broke with no where to turn. I have no other option then to get through this and back in the saddle, believe me I think about it everyday.

    If you are reading this and can relate to any part of it then act now because chances are this could be your destiny. You may not believe it now, but you will the closer and closer it gets. If the pills could talk they would say, Yep that’s pretty much how it will go, but don’t think about it, just take another one of us and enjoy what’s not real for awhile and don’t forget take another when reality sets in and keep taking us, over and over, year after year until!!!!

    I’m taking one step at a time.

    E.
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  8. #158
    cdog8043 is offline New Member
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    damn E, the stuff you write is so inspiring to me. I'm on third day and feel pretty good. A bit nauses this morning but up and moving around. I took this week off of work planning this short psyical withdrawal. For me it will be the long haul of staying off pills. I also like to drink a few cocktails.

  9. #159
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    "it's a lonely world being alive while dead on pain pills."

    This line reminded me of a saying I learned in the rooms of AA, "There's no good drunk when you've got a belly full of beer and a head full of AA!" Something like that.

    Anyway, I was thinking that it would probably be terribly uncomfortable for an addict to hang around these forums long enough to actually get what's going on here and then go back to using. Once you know the truth, it's too late to pretend.

    Any minute now E!
    hansdown likes this.
    Peace!
    Beth/grateful

    "Let our lives not be trapped by circumstances, and may love and redemption prevail"
    As shared by my good Friend, Kat!

  10. #160
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    14 DAYS and 7.5 Hours in:
    Tuesday Nov 24 2014
    @ 1:13AM

    Can't sleep, legs are really bothering me and I feel just bad all over, not severe WD's but enough! The sleep deprivation is such a challenge. I will keep trying.

  11. #161
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    7 Hours away from 15 DAYS in:
    Tuesday, Nov, 25th 2014
    @ 11:00AM

    Last night I managed to get out for a few hours, went to a local wing joint and had wings and 1 and half beers. I should if never drank the beer, it was a rough night with leg pain and body aches and just feeling bad. Finally fell asleep at 3:30AM. Up this mooring at 9:42AM.

    Its real tough with the house being empty all these days, there is none to talk with. I have 4 more days alone, I'll make it. I hope today is better and my body stops hurting and just a little motivation would be nice. Everything I do I have to force myself with no internal excitement or motivation. Basic energy is nonexistent!

    E = Out!

  12. #162
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    7 Hours away from 15 DAYS in:
    Tuesday, Nov, 25th 2014
    @ 11:00AM

    Last night I managed to get out for a few hours, went to a local wing joint and had wings and 1 and half beers. I should if never drank the beer, it was a rough night with leg pain and body aches and just feeling bad. Finally fell asleep at 3:30AM. Up this mooring at 9:42AM.

    Its real tough with the house being empty all these days, there is none to talk with. I have 4 more days alone, I'll make it. I hope today is better and my body stops hurting and just a little motivation would be nice. Everything I do I have to force myself with no internal excitement or motivation. Basic energy is nonexistent!

    E = Out!


    Hey E - for added energy you might get more protein in you. Foods that have large amounts of protein will give you more energy. Also some protein shakes will help. And you also might try some "B" vitamins for lack of energy. Try some B6, B12, and B Complex all together each morning. They work as a team and should really help.

    And of course the more exercise you can get each day the better your natural endorphins begin working which give off more energy, while helping you sleep at night a little better.

    Some take L-Tyrosine for energy, but it can make some people jittery like caffeine might do.

    Of course it's always best to ask your doctor first before taking any vitamin or supplements.

    Hope this helps and CONGRATULATIUONS on the 15 days!!!

    -Randy
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  13. #163
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    15 FULL DAYS IN:
    Tuesday, Nov, 25th, 2015
    @ 5:46PM


    The last few days I have felt achy and my legs are always bothering me, I have no energy or motivation. I admit my eating habits have been poor, no need for details other then fat and processed and sugar with lots of coffee, not the best idea!

    I am forcing my self to make a change to better my mood and energy starting tomorrow. I will eat vegies, fruit, whole grains, fish, beans, nuts and yogurt. I will still have my morning coffee but no cookies. I’m going to also start exercising once a day; the first day (tomorrow) will be walk on the beach. I must get out of this funk!

    I never think of the pills in the sense of wanting to take them again, which is a blessing, other than the pills produced instant results, bad but instant. I must now train my mind that good and real results take time and effort but "can last a life time" and have no side affects except better overall health, makes sense to me!

    Pills "do not last a life time", there is always going to be a wall you will hit!

    I have spent time researching all the media blasted mind improving novel items from all over the place and it all come down to one result. They are unproven, unregulated and unsure if safe or not and on top of that there is no real scientific data that proves positive results. There is a whole host of data that proves bad interactions with prescribed and non-prescribed medicines and supplements.

    This is my opinion only. Others may feel differently?
    My research was based on Harvard Medical School, Harvard School of Health Sciences and Princeton Health. I also spot-check the Mayo Clinic and The Cleveland Clinic.

    The common find and recommendation was healthy eating and exercise with tons of proven data. So, I guess there will be no Gingko, ST John’s Wart or any other Infomercial brain boosting pills, like the one I saw today called Prevagen made from Jelly Fish. I’m not saying I’m correct but its just the best direction for me at current.

    I feel really bad and want it to go away and am going to do something about it. It’s been 15 days; I’m almost to my stated 21-Day mindset of how long it takes stop change a behavior and or a challenge. I’m using the same time strategy for my new diet and exercise. I will keep you posted.

    I leave you with this:

    It’s been 15 days since my last pain pill and life is better, much better.
    Is it where I need it to be? No.
    Will it get there? Yes.
    Am I disappointed? Yes.
    Am I discouraged? No.

    Life 30 days ago was pure heck and one I will never go back to and wish for all of you to get out of or never return too. If your are reading this and saying in your mind you would do almost anything to stop taking pain pills know it can be done and there is life after pain pills, better life, this is proof.

    I was taking 200-300mg everyday for 6 years.

    Today, day 15 free from that nasty addiction, I now hear people, listen to what they say and remember what I heard. I don’t count pills, I don’t count the hours and I don’t think messed up thoughts.

    I strive to be a better person!

    Kind Regard’s,
    E
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  14. #164
    deannafal is offline New Member
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    Dear E,

    You are amazing! Thanks for your words of encouragement and inspiration.

    Lady D
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-25-2014 at 10:04 PM. Reason: typo

  15. #165
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    Hey E - for added energy you might get more protein in you. Foods that have large amounts of protein will give you more energy. Also some protein shakes will help. And you also might try some "B" vitamins for lack of energy. Try some B6, B12, and B Complex all together each morning. They work as a team and should really help.

    And of course the more exercise you can get each day the better your natural endorphins begin working which give off more energy, while helping you sleep at night a little better.

    Some take L-Tyrosine for energy, but it can make some people jittery like caffeine might do.

    Of course it's always best to ask your doctor first before taking any vitamin or supplements.

    Hope this helps and CONGRATULATIUONS on the 15 days!!!

    -Randy
    I love my Vitamin B COMPLEX!
    The exorcise thing isn't happening everyday like I hoped but Im working and running after kids so Im moving around for sure.
    Eating is still a struggle as I get full or turned off very quickly. We've abused our mind, body and soul.... NURTURE and LOVE it from here on out and it will reward it! Love your posts E and Randy. Such helpful advice and friendly reminders. One day at a time Be well
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  16. #166
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Night of 15th DAY IN:
    @ 4:30AM

    4:30AM and can't sleep, gave up, guess I'll watch the sun come up

    E.

  17. #167
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    A day In a Temporary Roller-coaster Life:

    8 Hours away from 16 FULL DAYS

    That is the positive note. The negative, I feel terrible, not one wink of sleep last night, legs are hurting and minor body aches, just feel bad all over. I guess everyone’s different. I had in mind the 10th day I would feel better, then I target the 15th day, now I’m on the track of 21 days.

    I keep pushing the feel better date out. I do feel better then I did when in full WD's but the feeling I have now is a constant of no energy and legs and body hurting. It’s difficult just to walk around the house!

    The sleep deprivation amplifies everything while causing a lethargic fog.

    A Zombie with aches and pains, LOL ☺

    I’m frustrated, I wanted to exercise today but I’m so exhausted. I also wanted to go to the grocery store and get supplies, healthy supplies. The house is completely empty of food and very limited things to drink. A little milk and some Ice tea and tap water, yuck!

    The family is 5 days out from returning so getting to the store is totally on me. Gotta do it!

    Anyway enough complaining, that never solves anything.

    Never give up and keep moving forward. (I’m speaking to myself), and you.

    E.
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  18. #168
    Tmbsmith is offline New Member
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    Thank you E for all of your posts. They are inspiring. I have been on on pain meds illegally since I was 18. I went on suboxone about four years ago.. my sub dr started me on 20mg. About a yr ago I had him slowly wean me down to 4 mg.. About 2 months ago I learned I would need abdominal surgery and would be off work for a few weeks. So I immediately started tapering my suboxone down to .5 mg at night. I had minimal to moderate wds the whole time. I took my last dose 24 hrs before surgery. Surgery went fine other than pain. They gave me dilaudid for pain at home but I found no relief.. I called the np of my surgeons office and she said some people don't respond to dilaudid. She had me drive to the office to give her the remaining dilaudids I had left(10 of 15) and in return gave me a script of 30 10mg Percocet. I took as little as possible the first week. Usually every 8 hrs. The second week I weed down to 5mg twice daily.. On Sunday I took my last half perc.. I am on day 3 I guess.. I don't feel all that bad. Like a 1 on a scale to 10. 10 being wd when I came off methadone CT in 2006. Sorry to post on ur thread but my question is am I a fool to think it's not going to get bad? In the past I tries to jump off suboxone at 8 mg and felt like death on the 5 the day. In the past I've always had severe withdrawal and had to go to we for fluids.. I have clonidine phenergen Tylenol Bentyl trazodone and requip for wds. All things I just asked my gp for and she's given me although she's quite clueless about it all.. I'm just afraid that maybe the suboxone is still in my system although it's been 18 days since I took any and was on such a low dose.. Can anyone help me??

  19. #169
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 17 in:
    Thanksgiving Day 2014
    @ 12:00 PM

    The last two days have been rough, really rough. Last night was terrible but finally fell asleep and got about 7 hours of sleep. I lay in a bedroom that is 10X12, coming from a bedroom that was 25X18, I take a bath in a tub that is to small for a human, coming from a jetted tub that fit two and on and on… Like any of that matters?

    The part that does matter, I have been alone since Nov 21st and that is bad! I miss my family and can’t wait until they return next Sunday. This is the first time I have ever spent Thanksgiving alone, not good.

    I spent a half of a life time building from zero, nothing was given to me it was all earned and now is all gone, well not all, I think through it all I may have found my real self. I’m waiting to be able to enjoy my real self, O’Boy, when will that day come.

    I think I know why that last three days have been so bad, I was taking .25 Alprazolam my Mother In-Law gave me, it lasted 4 nights and when I had no more I felt terrible, = no sleep - like withdrawals was from it. I have experience in taking this stuff. During my 6 years I became very anxious on the pain pills and the doctor prescribed the same stuff, just .05 and I took two each night for a couple of years. I stopped taking it about 6 months ago.

    Maybe a light withdrawal from it has occurred in the last three days. I will tell my self that so I can justify feeling so bad for those days. Today I feel a bit better but no counting on anything, I may fall back into yuck world, whatever I will keep pushing forward.

    No more Alprazolam.

    Another day of fighting lay ahead, the sun will shine, the wind will blow, and life will go on with me, not without me! I will make it through this journey, no matter what the elements bring, no matter what emotions come about, I will push and push and never give up.

    Believe me writing all that is the easy part, my days have been full of worries, sadness, regret and the unknown that swirls inside my head several times a day. I not only need to get myself back, I need rebuild a broken life for “my family”, and myself. This will be the hardest thing I will ever do, I know that, I’m trying to prepare for that and I do not go it alone, I have myself now, not the same way I got to the pain pill wall, the lonely road of pain pills will just keep on circling life and never really stop to experience it. I’m glad I stopped; I’m just working towards experiencing and enjoying real life once again!




    Anyone reading this that is:

    * Living the pain pill life
    * Experiencing the pain pill constant disruption
    * Living through ups and down and pain pill caused depression
    * Mind circling you need to stop
    * Planning to stop
    * Making the decision to stop
    * Going through the stoppage withdrawals
    * Pushing forward after withdrawals

    * Or Living once again free of the nightmare life of pain pills

    “Happy Thanksgiving”

    E.
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  20. #170
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    I believe I may be wrong with my 21 day, not completely wrong but wrong. Facts are proven that it does take 21 days to break a habit or behavior and or create a new one. Unfortunately I’m thinking long-term pain pill addiction is not that cut and dry.

    I have not found anything out there that suggests there are phases with stoppage, but from what I have experienced, and what I believe, I’m going to experience phases, of course everyone is different.

    In my case I believe hard times will last upwards of 90 days. That sounds like a long time, and it is, but not really in the scope of the whole. The issue with most of us is we do not have 90 days for various reasons, work, family, staying power, will power and so on… Time is the worst, we all have to work and take care of our families or just manage to support ourselves financially. That causes a whole host of separate challenges, which may increase chances of relapse; just because you can’t take it anymore and really don’t have the time.

    I don’t have answers for the time challenge, if you’re not fortunate enough to be able to step out of routine life for 90 days, which not many can do. Maybe I will have the answer or suggestion 90 day for my quit date?

    The time needed portion is most likely directly related to the amount and time of taking pain pills, the higher the dose on a regular basis and the longer taken most likely is a key driver of the length of withdrawal and feeling truly better.

    I was 6 years on a regular basis at a high dosage, that’s why 90 days may be my timeframe. It took me 2,190 days to get to this point and forum. Do the math, its not that bad of a percentage to get your life back.

    I remember and force myself to recall:

    * Waking up feeling so bad, holding my head in my hand waiting for that pill to kick in.
    * Having rollercoaster days everyday, up and down
    * Having deranged thoughts, deranged like thinking I was depressed, upset, mad, anxious and on and on…
    * Even thinking life was just not worth it anymore, “that is messed up big time” That though is gone, Thank God!
    * Counting pills, days and watching the clock
    * Going to the doctors all the time
    * Not attending events because I felt so bad
    * Being so happy for no reason, I mean really happy at such an expensive cost, a cost that is no way is worth those minutes or hours of happiness. It felt so real but is so not real. Well maybe = Real Bad!
    * Not understanding how I looked to others, physically and mentally, just could not see it
    * Sitting alone saying over and over to myself I need to stop taking these pills
    * Trying to reduce and or stop without a solid plan and not committed
    * Freaking out because deep down inside I knew my life’s work was fading away
    * Distancing myself from friends and family

    It goes on and on… If you can relate to anyone of the above challenges it may be time to quit?

    The preliminary eData (my data) is the following on phases. Details will come after my own clinical trial, wow yea, a clinical trial that puts someone on high does of pain meds for 6 years just to find out the best way to get back to normal. Who would participate in that study? Don’t do it and think for a minute you would and if you just thought that it may be time to quit. ☺

    PHASE ONE:
    Realization of Reality of me / you, “on drugs”

    The decision to do something about it

    The decision to make a commitment to myself / yourself

    Conducting the research

    Creating my / your own plan

    The decision of when

    The decision of how

    Completely understanding the longest possible timeline

    Creating the path and or environment for my / your journey to getting my / your life back

    Understanding and excepting what I / you will go through, being the worst

    Preparing for that period

    Find support, for me it was myself and this forum, you must support yourself first

    Setting the dates, start and a hopeful date its over and that will change, so allow yourself too move that date to avoid disappointment, only disappoint, never discouragement.

    End relationships with doctors and pharmacies

    End relationships with people who fuel your death of life

    Take drastic measures to remove yourself from any environment that places you in arms length of pain pills or any drug for that matter

    QUIT

    (I understand that not all of those may be achievable but its worth it to make every effort because this is a matter of life and death, living and living dead, staying afloat or collapsing and much, much more…)

    PHASE TWO:
    I'm currently living and collecting eData (the data based on first hand experience) at, information will be added when appropriate.


    Foot Note:
    My apologies for providing advice after such a short time off the drugs, take it with a grain of salt, so to speak.

    I’ve had a long career of leading people to success; I guess it’s just inherent. I like people and am interested in them; I’ve never managed people only things or products. If I can save one life by sharing unconditionally that’s good enough for me!

    E.
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  21. #171
    cdog8043 is offline New Member
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    E, very curious which was your profession of choice - which product lines - you are very creative business penmenship
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  22. #172
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote my Wife 1.5 years ago, I never gave her the letter. I read this today and can’t believe I ever thought that way or would write such a thing.

    (If you can relate to the below excerpt its time to figure out how to move past pain pills)


    START:
    I am currently in position where I need you more than you know. Each day is a circle of awful for me and I’m not sure if I am going to make it through to the next. I have never felt that way at anytime in my life, never did this feeling come across my mind but lately I just don’t want to live anymore and that is a horrible thing to say.
    END

    Today in my surroundings (my physical demographic surroundings) and body (withdrawals, body aches and pains) the “physical” feeling is much worse then the day I wrote that letter, but Today in clarity, healthy feeling mind and stability, plus a feeling of living and a want for life, love and happiness is spread across my brain, which is much, much, much better. I don’t have the feelings hopelessness, worthlessness, helplessness and the loss of will to live.

    The end of my life is far, far away.

    There are many great new memories to make happen soon.

    E.
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  23. #173
    Wishing2besober is offline Junior Member
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    E, you are truly amazing for sticking it out and thank you so much for sharing your story. You're strength is contagious and it helped me find the willpower to quit once again. I know in my heart this time I can do it. I can't sleep but I'm 4 days clean and I know it's expected. I feel less anxious this time around. It's because I know what's coming I think. Keep on going and I will too. Again, thank you!!
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  24. #174
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    18 DAYS IN:

    Last night was rough, very rough! I think sleep aids promote restless body, legs and achy all over. I have tried zzzquil and Advil PM; both intensified my withdrawals.

    Yesterday (Day time) was okay, my legs were not bothering me, little body ache, not sure why but this has happen in the past. I will have a day or two of feeling okay and then bam another run of days feeling just awful.

    I’m wishing for an okay day today. Last night sleeping was really bad, just couldn’t get to sleep, up and down all night until about 4AM when I fell a sleep for 3-4 hours. I had moments of anger while trying to fall asleep, I am just so over this but know there is no turning back.

    I’m disappointed but not discouraged. This is my life and I will fight till the end, which off pain pills will be several decades from now. Taking pain pills who knows when the end could of been, it wasn’t up to me it was up to the pills, so sad!

    Day 18, now all I need to do is make it to Day 90.

    Wishing and praying for all who are fighting.

    Never give up!

    E.

  25. #175
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    The withdrawals are like the weather, it can be sunny and pleasant for a few days or more and then the nasty storms move in and in some cases bad weather moves, but it all passes and life goes on. As time goes on the weather doesn’t change but we do, we prepare for the storms and dress accordingly, we buy shutters for hurricanes, we improve the gutters for heavy rain, we buy snow shovels and snow blowers. Life always moves on for most, some parish and some prepare and understand.

    On or off pain pills life will always challenge you; its how you process those challenges that get you through.

    On the pain pills I flew right over those challenges but now that I’m off them I must deal with each, one at a time and its much harder trying to deal with a challenge once its past. You have to relive it and try and fix it or just make it better; the one part that hangs for a long, long time is being in the middle of it.

    Off pain pills the challenges are addressed at the time of occurrences and all you have to deal with after that is a memory that creeps up few and far between and only last for a short time. You know you did what you could and in most case did the best you could.

    On the pain pills you discounted the seriousness of the challenge and did little of value. You may have done allot in your head and ran around all over the place doing things you thought were helpful and valuable but in reality you did far less than you’re were capable of.

    Not to worry its just life of a drug addict!

    If it's your time to quit take the proper steps and just do it, if it's not your time take the proper steps to avoid anything of importance because the pills stink at good judgment and valuable efforts to improve one owns life or the lives of love ones and they will make the decisions for you weather you realize it or not at the time.

    After you quit you will for sure realize it.

    E.
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  26. #176
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdog8043 View Post
    E, very curious which was your profession of choice - which product lines - you are very creative business penmenship
    Hi cdog,

    My profession was highly visible and covered the entire country, therefore I would like to keep it transparent, at least for now. I not always knew everyone, but they all knew me, which in my situation makes it all that much more difficult to deal with this horrible event I let happen to myself. I often wonder if I will let everyone know what happen to me or just pack it away somewhere and try to forget about it? My forward path in business will most likely dictate my willingness to tell all. I do have aspirations of opening a business which coexists with this national problem of pain pills.

    Kind Regards,
    E.
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  27. #177
    cdog8043 is offline New Member
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    Thanks - E - no problem I understand. I've made it to day 7 and I think the worst is over. I believe I've made the turn. I feel good and that's good. My usage not even near yours not even close. I wish you the best and you've inspired me greatly. I 'll continue to follow your path to beat the beasts - basically you already have so best of luck my friend.
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  28. #178
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    E.....

    Get out! Go do something. You are too bound up in your research and data collecting. That's all fine and well, but you need to have interaction with the outside world.

    I don't remember what dosage you came off of, but mine was pretty large and constant. About 4 years. It did take me around 90 days to feel what I considered normal, but I worked a very physical job throughout those 90 days....I had family responsibilities I had to meet, I had to carry on. It sucked at times, but never like the first week.
    It got better. Yes, I had good and bad days, but it was all progress.
    Please, walk the beach...you need to get those endorphins popping again....
    I have no doubt you will make it, but, maybe, stop counting the hours and days and start looking to the future. It is waiting for you!
    Keep moving, you will overcome this....promise.

  29. #179
    Skyeben05 is offline New Member
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    I have been opiate free for 15 days today has been tough the nausea is terrible anytime I eat I feel like vomiting. I thought it was supposed to get easier anyone know how long this will last I am terrified of nighttime every day because of my legs. Is this normal this long?

  30. #180
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyeben05 View Post
    I have been opiate free for 15 days today has been tough the nausea is terrible anytime I eat I feel like vomiting. I thought it was supposed to get easier anyone know how long this will last I am terrified of nighttime every day because of my legs. Is this normal this long?
    You are not alone, I am in the same boat. The days are not good and the nights are worse, tonight I am so not looking forward to trying to sleep, it's a total disaster! I get really mad at this whole thing every so often and just want to be back to normal, I don't even remember clearly what normal is for me?

    With all that said, I will never go back to taking the pills because if I force myself to remember how I felt on them and all the bad things that happen. What I am feeling now is just an annoyance, a HUGE FRUSTRATING ANNOYANCE, but still just an annoyance compared to what I felt then.

    This will pass, when? I have no idea?

    Stay the course no matter how long it is, I am. It was great hearing from you, I was thinking about you and how you were doing and from your post you are consistent with many others who have beat this nightmare!

    Kind Regards,
    E

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