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DAY 1 through DAY 10 going COLD TURKEY
  1. #181
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    E.....

    Get out! Go do something. You are too bound up in your research and data collecting. That's all fine and well, but you need to have interaction with the outside world.

    I don't remember what dosage you came off of, but mine was pretty large and constant. About 4 years. It did take me around 90 days to feel what I considered normal, but I worked a very physical job throughout those 90 days....I had family responsibilities I had to meet, I had to carry on. It sucked at times, but never like the first week.
    It got better. Yes, I had good and bad days, but it was all progress.
    Please, walk the beach...you need to get those endorphins popping again....
    I have no doubt you will make it, but, maybe, stop counting the hours and days and start looking to the future. It is waiting for you!
    Keep moving, you will overcome this....promise.
    Your words could not be anymore accurate, I just needed to hear them from someone other then myself and you showed up just at the right time, one of those moments in time when you say that was a message from a higher power delivered via a special person. I will take your advice, and get out, walk the beach and interact with people, I will force myself.

    On the subject of research, I'm not sure if it's helping me or hurting, or just obsessed with finding answers to so many questions. Regardless the research can wait, I need to take care of myself and table those questions which many may be answered by living through the process and accepting help and advice on this forum.

    You really struck a cord with me, Thank you so much!

    Kind Regards,
    E.

  2. #182
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    19 Days in:

    My plan is to get out today and do something. I slept about 5 hours last night.

    I have discovered that OTC sleep aids "for me" make things much worse. My legs and body hurt all night and I feel super groggy and just down right terrible, moving about the entire night. The nights I didn’t take sleep aids I still had trouble falling if I did at all but I did not have that terrible intense feeling of being so uncomfortable. You think I would have noticed sooner, Hum?

    Bottom-line = The OTC sleep aids do not work for me.

    Also, today or tomorrow morning my family returns, it has been a long 8 days alone. I really believe the human interaction will also help get past this and or make it easier to deal with.

    The Thomas Recipe also has been stopped two days ago. I believe all of the natural vitamin supplements for energy have also caused sleep deprivation. The replacement was corrective eating habits, which I plan to make a routine staple life forward.

    Another issue that has come about = Farsighted, I have developed farsighted eyes, I can’t see thing close to me, I have to hold the iPhone almost at arms length to see the letters and numerals, what’s up with that?

    Anyway, I’m out of the house in about an hour and plan to stay out for at least 4 hours walking on the beach; maybe I will have lunch at the beach. (Thanks to you know who you are)

    It’s sunny and 75 today, I was sitting on the back patio this morning enjoying the warm sun pouring over ones skin which felt pretty good, sorry northeast and elsewhere ☺

    You may be thinking, I guess he lives somewhere warm? I do and it was part of my plan to quit, I knew it was bad and needed to act in drastic measures so here we are, somewhere warm and in a state that it is very difficult to obtain pain pills.

    It is truly unbelievable how easy it was to get pain pills and at extreme strengths just by visiting a doctor. I’m sure that will change and is changing now because of all the press on those nasty pills. Last night CNN did a complete hour on the pain pill problem in Utah. The pain pill use has risen 400% in the last 10 years. The deaths out-way any other deaths in that state, they are in a pain pill state of emergency!

    I bet someone from Utah is reading this post?

    E.
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  3. #183
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Okay, went out today, not as long as I wanted but out, matter a fact went out several times. Short trips to the local Duncan Donuts and Quickie Mart and such, whatever! The beach was short lived but worth it. I do feel better, still hurting but better.

    The family will be home this evening so the rest of the afternoon will be spent trying to clean up the mess I made while being a bachelor and it is a mess. Strange thing is I’m very neat and organized, wonder when that will come back? There is a total science project in the sink and several in the fridge, the coffee maker looks older and the bathroom is, well trashed. The hot water tank broke two days ago and the plumber said it was electrical.

    Having no hot water while feeling like this stinks. No hot baths, I miss that. Brother in-law and Father in-law say they can fix it. So, I wait!

    Anyway, today was better than yesterday, I hope this a trend and not one of those lucky days. Regardless the push will go on.

    I’m glad I have stopped researching for now. Reading the long-term affects of opiate use, specific to brain damage is a bit discerning. I will go with everyone’s different on that subject and leave it alone for now.

    Now, stop watching TV, get off the sofa and start cleaning.

    E.

  4. #184
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Efil Pleh View Post
    Okay, went out today, not as long as I wanted but out, matter a fact went out several times. Short trips to the local Duncan Donuts and Quickie Mart and such, whatever! The beach was short lived but worth it. I do feel better, still hurting but better.

    The family will be home this evening so the rest of the afternoon will be spent trying to clean up the mess I made while being a bachelor and it is a mess. Strange thing is I’m very neat and organized, wonder when that will come back? There is a total science project in the sink and several in the fridge, the coffee maker looks older and the bathroom is, well trashed. The hot water tank broke two days ago and the plumber said it was electrical.

    Having no hot water while feeling like this stinks. No hot baths, I miss that. Brother in-law and Father in-law say they can fix it. So, I wait!

    Anyway, today was better than yesterday, I hope this a trend and not one of those lucky days. Regardless the push will go on.

    I’m glad I have stopped researching for now. Reading the long-term affects of opiate use, specific to brain damage is a bit discerning. I will go with everyone’s different on that subject and leave it alone for now.

    Now, stop watching TV, get off the sofa and start cleaning.

    E.
    LOL @ "there's a total science project in the sink and several in the fridge"

    Glad to hear your family's coming home. That will be a much needed and good distraction from any lingering symptoms. You've come so far since your first post. I'm really proud of you for staying tough.

    It only gets better!
    Kat

    PS - did you ever try Melatonin for sleep?

  5. #185
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    This is the fight of a lifetime and comes down to one thing, your mind!

    Brainpower is the only thing that will get you through this at least I think so.

    When I was taking the pain pills I often thought about quitting but never did until now. I would often look at websites that spoke towards quitting and they all had one common phrase; no one can really help someone to quit, they must make that decision on their own.

    I say until they truly and deeply with conviction and determination decide to quit they will continue abusing themselves with a medication that removes years from their lives and will eventually ruin them and or kill them.

    I often thought to myself, why is no one really helping me, why isn’t my family and or wife more demanding about the problem no one seems to want to address while I trash my life? They did try or at least I think so, maybe not the way I would have, but then again I can be very intense and do not give up.

    Anyway, the point is only I could make it stop, only I could quit and the only way I could do that is with my mind made up to take action. Not action of stopping that day but action of preparing and making adjustments and changes to better the chances of my success getting my life back. It took time to make those preparations. Everyone’s time-line will be different, but the thing all must see is that it is the largest decision you may ever make and the best.

    What’s more important than your own life or death?

    If you are thinking to yourself right now I never thought about death or felt it was such a huge problem, well I hate to be the barer of bad news, but you are just not there yet.

    If you continue to take the pain pills you will eventually get there it’s either now or then, your decision.

    E.

  6. #186
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    21 DAYS IN:

    Things are better than the first 10 days but still not good, which I feel is to be expected.

    *Body and legs still hurt, not as bad but still hurt

    *Sleeping is a challenge, but on average over the past 4-5 nights I have obtained between 4-6 hours each night. I believe the less I worry about and or think about in a glass half empty way it helps.

    Energy very low, ambition and drive comes in very short intervals

    My mind is getting better everyday and MUCH better than when on the pain pills

    E.

  7. #187
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    People, where I live, love to own tropical birds, BIG Tropical Birds.

    Two months ago when every part of my system was managed by pain pills those birds really pissed me off! The constant screeching and yelling and tweeting and what ever else a full-grown Macaw or Sun Cunard may release out of its beak went right through me, it actual hurt, it felt like every nerve in my body was on the outside of my skin and reacted to each and every belch!

    Now I don’t even notice them unless I actually listen for them. The pain pills enjoyed managing my every function and directing my every nerve ending.

    The only management conducted now is by me and me alone. I am in control of my feelings and can direct them in whatever fashion I desire knowing the outcome and or result.

    That itself is worth every minute of withdrawals and beyond!

    While in the dysfunctional pain pill world I blamed allot of what was happening to me on my Doctor, but now I realize that person only provided me with tools to deal with a bad situation of chronic pain, it was up to me to understand what was happening, what was going to happen and the reality I was living in. Someone told me while on the pain pills, that the pills could actually increase the pain I was feeling!

    Of course I researched.

    What I felt at the time was this person was unknowing of what I was going through and the information they were providing could not possibly be true. What I found after conducting my research was that information was correct. What I feel now is less pain. Go figure ☺

    In the beginning the pain was almost eliminated by using the pain pills but after time it came back. When it did the dosages were increased and then repeat and repeat and repeat, until you have a super high dosage, pain again and no life and even worse you don’t have yourself!

    The last 21 Days were worth every minute, think I said that before?

    Just do it!

    E.
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  8. #188
    tryintokickit is offline Junior Member
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    i have been reading your posts, they are motivating! but lol, just wanted to let you know that hyperopia= far sightedness is a normal phenomenon usually beginning around the age of 45 and continuing until/stabilizing at 70. Its curious that you just noted it! Maybe the pills made everything a bit blurry or the fact your pupils were tiny (miotic) reduced some of the changes. Anyway grab a pair of +2.00 readers at your local drugstore and things should be much clearer or if you already wear glasses add +2.00-+2.50 to your prescription and reading will be much easier close up! Gluck with everything!

  9. #189
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tryintokickit View Post
    i have been reading your posts, they are motivating! but lol, just wanted to let you know that hyperopia= far sightedness is a normal phenomenon usually beginning around the age of 45 and continuing until/stabilizing at 70. Its curious that you just noted it! Maybe the pills made everything a bit blurry or the fact your pupils were tiny (miotic) reduced some of the changes. Anyway grab a pair of +2.00 readers at your local drugstore and things should be much clearer or if you already wear glasses add +2.00-+2.50 to your prescription and reading will be much easier close up! Gluck with everything!
    Thanks Uwillkickit,

    Funny you should post this and I read right after trying to see again. - Thanks.

    Right after trying to help my Son with the last two math problems of his homework prior to taking him to school I could not see the print on the page or what I was writing on the paper. The only way I could see was to hold the paper way out in front of me, but them I couldn't see too write down the work so he could "copy it", LOL.

    Anyway it didn't go so well. I have never wore glasses and when I received my drivers license here just 40 days ago they said my vision was 20/20, Hum. I hope its part of everything coming back on line and will go away but I have my doubts because several people in my family wear glasses. I will get some drug store specs today, Thanks.

    E.

  10. #190
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 23 Cold Turkey w/no pain pills, none, zero and TWO rejections of delivered pain pill to my home, both were sent back. Each delivery contained 2 scripts consisting of 100’s of pills, one as 40mg Oxycontin, the other as 30mg Oxycodone, which is a crazy amount medication!

    They both came at a time of major withdrawals and I knew inside the pills would take away the horrible experience and make me feel okay within 1 hour. “Like it never even happen”

    But I knew I was trading temporary horrible for total devastation and possibly death! I was not willing to make trade or take that chance of losing all the seconds, minutes, hours, and days and weeks I fought for my life back. “It was all in the mind” As quick as they showed up at my door, they left my door, and yes I watched that truck drive away with a feeling of accomplishment and totally afraid that if by chance it got really bad I would not have away out! I quickly started working on myself and convinced myself it wasn’t going to get that bad and it would soon be all over and I would be free from life stripping pain pills.

    An hour later the memory of the delivery was distant, probably because I was pacing the floors of the house praying it would soon stop and it did, but returned and over and over. But, as everyday passes I feel better and the memories of those awful withdrawals are starting to feel “like it never even happened”, well for the most part. I will force myself to remember the withdrawals and use this thread to reinforce those memories as a tool to never go back!

    In my case just making the decision to quit wasn’t enough, I wanted more, more of chance and knew that I would have to prepare and plan, without that I’m not sure if I would have been successful? I educated myself to understand that the average may not work for me, the average of 3-5 and most likely feeling better by day 10. I looked at as much data as I could and realized how much this medication destroys your mind and body. I prepared myself for up to a year of not feeling like myself, and 90 days of feeling not so good. If it takes longer, it takes longer, at least I can think well!

    It better not take that long ☺

    Anyway, all who may be reading this and thinking about quitting, in withdrawals or recovering, this is what I have to give back. I guess the point from my perspective is this can be done cold turkey and you will get through it, if I can so can you.

    Kind Regards,
    E.

  11. #191
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    I am dropping by to say Congratulations !
    You are doing it you really have come so far!
    I know you said you are not able to go to meetings then maybe check out the reading material.
    I have a book from AA 24hrs a day that I read every morning/
    Today 12/3 was about being mentally prepared and I think both of us know after the acute detox it becomes a mental battle
    The program of AA/NA CA/ GA whichever is a program of mental training..
    I am pretty sure you can read it on line..
    take care
    iluv2
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  12. #192
    TolikG is offline Senior Member
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    Wow E...! Cold turkey? Just like that huh ?
    Amazing progress...I did before too but was dumb enough to relapse because of depressive episodes. I just didn't know those were PAWS that would go away eventually... I'm glad you're prepared. What I'm most impressed about is that you willfully turned down the scripts. I was getting pain pills from the streets paying TONS OF MONEY that eventually became my motivation. I was spending over $100/day during last 3 months which means ten grand was WASTED... But I'm glad I stopped. Not just money reasons. I want to be there for my family. I want to see my daughter grow and become a real princess of mine. I don't want to miss a moment. I'll subsribe to your thread to check on your progress so you BETTER POST God bless and Stay Strong my friend!!!
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  13. #193
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    Just stopping in to say keep up the good work. Love how you are posting to motivate and help other people. Great job on all you've accomplished
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  14. #194
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 24
    NO PAIN PILLS, NO MEDICTAION
    Wednesday, Dec, 3rd, 2014 @ 10:19AM

    Yesterday had its moments, body hurt and legs bothering me. Advil helps and takes away about 80% of the discomfort, I also think my diet may have something to do with added discomfort. Each time I suffer a low in energy, which is pretty much all day I drink a cup of coffee. The caffeine is not helping, I’m going to reduce the coffee intake and see how it goes.

    It’s much better than the first 15 days.

    My brain and emotions are performing much, much better than all of the time spent on the pain pills and improve everyday. I believe I am about 60% back to normal in mindset and controlled emotions.

    One of the items I have noticed is I’m much better at compromise than I was for years. I actually take time to make my decision and weigh out the results on each side.

    I constantly remind my self each morning while going through the first morning motions that when I was taking the pills I was dragging big time until that first pill. My morning on pain pills were so hard to get started, I would sit slumped over my coffee feeling so beat up and totally wore out and nothing changed until that first pill which brought me back to 50% and that was enough because at least I could see and walk and sort of make my way around. That was short lasted as the cycle of pill popping would commence for the remainder of the day and repeat the following days, weeks and months.

    As human nature we forget and it’s so important we do not to forget because I believe remembering and reminding ourselves of how we once were is key to moving on living a good life.

    When I made my decision to quit I started a journal that included many months prior to the first page of that current day. I recalled and wrote down as the preface all of the bad days and the ridiculous repetitive actions searching for that relief and feel good moments that resulted in the same disastrous days and events. I guess that is what they say when people do the same thing over and over expecting different results? Insanity?

    In the pinnacle of my pain pills catastrophe no one could tell me it was no good and things would crumble, I was to high! The part that probably bothers me the most was I knew deep down inside exactly what was going to happen if I continued, but somehow pushed it away and continued abusing my life. Those pills will take over your mind without you even knowing it, or at least making so you can’t do anything about it. Many of my thoughts now are this pain pill problem in most cases (people) is that it just needs to take its course and hopefully along the way it does not completely ruin that persons life.

    The course ends with a decision to quit. I read so many posts with people claiming to have real chronic bad pain, which I believe, but the thing that sticks out most is they are more concerned about the affects the pain pills are having on their life then the pain itself.

    That should tell everyone something. Think about it!

    Anyway, if this post helps one person that’s awesome

    E.
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  15. #195
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey E - Great post. Beautiful actually. Just wanted you to know how much you help those of us like me that continue fighting this BEAST even though me may be clean at the moment. I celebrated 5 months yesterday,and I know what I need to do to remain clean and free. But it's posts like these that help to keep me on track and I thank you for that.

    You're doing so well. Congratulations on the 24 days. That's an amazing achievement and you should be very proud of yourself. As has been said many, many times here, the days DO get better so never give up, and never give in to the BEAST again.

    Thanks again E.

    -Randy
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  16. #196
    TolikG is offline Senior Member
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    Agree with Randy (as always..). Amazing post E..you have some writing skills. You aren't journalist by chance ? Hehe
    Listen E.---you are an inspiration to many-many ppl. I THANK YOU for posing here about ur progress. I hate when ppl quit for 3 days and say "hell with if...im clean why bother posting ".
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  17. #197
    rainbowpoots is offline Member
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    Glad to see your doing good.
    I've lost track of my days at this point... its been about a month or so i believe I quit the 6th or 7th of last month.
    These last few days have been the best so far I'm feeling my mind regain itself.
    So good to see your still doing well and keeping on track. Way to go.
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  18. #198
    kiy
    kiy is offline New Member
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    I too have been quietly reading your posts. I am on day 4. I have only slept 3 hours a night. I found that the immodium used aggressively will keep the stomach cramps and diarrhea away. I had to hate the drug before I could go through the withdrawal process. Cold turkey for me. Started 5 years ago after having wisdom teeth removed. Now the thought of the drug makes me sick! I have formed a hate of such a high magnitude for this demon. I had so much on my plate, running a business, working there 14-16 hrs a day, taking care of home, 3 kids, husband, and a dog . What helped me is having such a wonderful husband who is a recovering addict. You can beat this! The depression was the worse for me..and lack of energy due to loss of sleep. I made the choice to take off from work and miss the money because there are things worth far more than money. I used the Thomas recipe which worked great for me. I tweaked it a little with some nauseous pills from a friend. I drank plenty of gatorade and drank ensure plus because I have absolutely no appetite. Hylands rls, a must. Wear panty hose to bed, that worked..valiums worked great to calm my anxiety. Induce sleep as much as possible. Your brain repairs itself during periods of sleep and rest. Also, if you are sleep, less pain; ). I feel better already. A little sluggish, but I have the L-tyrosine for that tomorrow when I have to go back to work. Also, if you believe in God. Pray. I did and I no longer have the taste for it. I have 2 in my coat pocket right now and I haven't even thought of gettin one..gross! Flushed! Good luck!
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  19. #199
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    I’ve often wondered how the human mind justifies actions and behaviors; how it separates one mindset and or situation from another when in reality they are directly related. The answer is it doesn’t unless influenced by drugs, alcohol or just not properly functioning because of failed electrical pulses from left too the right or just plain old poor wiring. The majority of humans have good wiring and fire on all cylinders, left too right.

    Some people will say enough has happen to me. But they “may” still take the pills and desperately want off the pills. Some of the events, situations and disasters are enough, if you not taking pain pills. The pills require a much greater catastrophe. The pills require almost life and death events, and then of course we are all different. One’s vision of a total catastrophe maybe another persons vision of a large hurdle.

    I hope anyone facing and or living in this challenge / position that may be reading this, reads deep and is affected, affected in a way where they take action. The action to make the decision to quit!

    So, today was nice!

    Minor aches and pains, energy is low but not gone, attitude is positive and the step back and look at myself mode is, well, I’m okay. My finances stink, our house is a house and the neighborhood is not what I would call nice, but everything is okay. Why? Because I’m okay!

    <<< Rewind 2 Months:

    So, today was horrible!

    Major mood swings, feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and just plain depressed with major issues rolling around in my head. My neighborhood is just awful, the house is terrible and we are doomed! Really? Yes, really, that was reality on pain pills and all was true because I couldn’t do anything about it. There were not enough pills in the bottle, there were not enough days on the calendar and I was seriously cooked!

    >>> Fast forward to today:

    My head is much, much clearer and my emotions are in check. I listen, smile and laugh, I feel love and like whom I am. My world is brighter and the colors are more vivid. I actually sat down in Starbucks and read part of a book, I surfed iTunes and downloaded a few songs. I left the house free of carrying pain pills with me, counting days, counting pills, watching the clock for the next dosage.

    I lived this day free with only me

    E.
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  20. #200
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    POST DEC 4TH 2014 @ 9:00AM
    THURSDAY


    As another day begins on DAY 25.

    Body aches and legs discomfort has not occurred the past 3 mornings, it seems to come a bit during the afternoon. Sleep has also returned, sorts. I believe my diet is causing the discomfort since I’m eating way too much; snacking all day has become routine that I will break today. The cause of eating so much is I can now taste things! They taste good. A little levity there!

    As I stated in past posts my mind is building each and every day, I think so much better and much, much clearer. The most rewarding is the mind coming back online.

    I have not had any cravings, a few thoughts but no cravings for the pain pills and not sure why, I would like to give credit to determination, hatred towards them, and or knowing they didn’t work anymore and just made me feel terrible.

    I do remember the feeling of the pain being eliminated and feeling good but that was so long ago and I keep telling myself that part of the drug is long gone and over. I also tell myself even if I could achieve that high once again while ridding myself of pain it would only last for a short time and I would be right back in a world of total disaster, mentally and physically while negatively affecting all around me.

    To that point it is just not worth it!

    I have studied “Smart Recovery” (Thank you member) and choose specific self-help techniques that I feel apply to my personality and situation, they probably all apply but being myself, I still refuse to believe I need help with certain things. I’m probably only shorting myself, but I will go with my choices for now and quite possibly adapt more in time.

    The support material helps by opening one’s eyes to excellent paths forward. It gives you many things to think about and ways to deal with any items or events that may come your way. It covers a broad spectrum and provides the tools to deal. Not all will come my way but if any do I will have a choice on how to handle them.


    2190 Days of taking pain pills and only 25 Days to bounce back to where I can deal with daily life, that is no time at all.

    The human body is truly amazing and special thanks to the brain.

    I think I’m not far away from the decision and action of where do I go from here? The thought has been there for a long time. I hope and pray I get back the mentality of the world is my oyster, but this time I just can’t eat it!

    E.
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  21. #201
    TolikG is offline Senior Member
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    Efil, great job on 25 days clean! I don't know if I said it before (prob did) when I first quit ct a little over s year ago I began to develop PAWS. Just wanted you to get ready for them. They come out of nowhere, 45-60 days later. At that time I've done zero research and knew nothing about it. So I had zero preparation. PAWS aren't bad if u know what they are but I didnt --- and relapsed I'm sure you've done your research and ready for any challenge
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  22. #202
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 26 IN:
    Friday, Dec, 5th, 2014 @ 8AM

    Yesterday was okay, had minimal body aches and legs are much better. Energy is low, mood is fair and spikes of excitement are few and far between but getting better.

    Its been 26 days since that last dose of pain pills @ 90mg Oxycodone and I do not miss it. The pain is manageable and feels less then when taking the pain pills. I had been told this would happen, didn’t believe it at first but now that I’m experiencing it I’m glad its true.

    Life throws many challenges at us everyday, week, month and year, how we process those challenges dictates our path forward. Major events are often thought as triggers to stop taking the very thing that destroys us but we wait until the event is visual and external all the while ignoring the most significant life event, which is life itself and to that point our own.

    The event I wish a pain pill addict could see is themselves and the event of lost life and self worth among so many other attributes that make us who we are. Do we really need to lose something materialistic or someone dear to us to save ourselves? I don’t have the answer all I know is its real and happens to many of us, how do we change, why cant we see ourselves, why won’t we stop immediately after realizing what the pills are doing to us as individuals?

    Life is precious and so are we, realize this every moment of every day and apply the feeling from the thoughts to your every action and reap the rewards of giving and receiving from your words, thoughts and emotions and action taken to better others and yourself.

    Sincerely,
    E.

    Never give up!
    Iwantoff2013 likes this.

  23. #203
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TolikG View Post
    Efil, great job on 25 days clean! I don't know if I said it before (prob did) when I first quit ct a little over s year ago I began to develop PAWS. Just wanted you to get ready for them. They come out of nowhere, 45-60 days later. At that time I've done zero research and knew nothing about it. So I had zero preparation. PAWS aren't bad if u know what they are but I didnt --- and relapsed I'm sure you've done your research and ready for any challenge
    Thanks TolikG,

    I have researched PAWS and what I learned is my Wife has suffered from PAWS since I met her and she has never done drugs. LOL! Really!

    Anyway, a little levity there

    I pray I do not get PAWS, but studies state 90% will at some level and the duration is down right scary, years or forever, ouch!

    The way I am going to approach and deal if it comes is relating to everyday life and what we feel when not recovering = everyone goes through bad days, irritability and mood swings and much more, I did prior to the pills and everyone around me goes through those feelings from time to time.

    I'm viewing this in preface as Okay, not OMG what will I to do? If and when it comes it may be a different story, we will see? I know your main point is relapse and I hope my mindset of current remains forever, if so then no relapse, I am not there yet so this may all be wishful thinking and then again maybe not.

    I have no experience in this and only can predict, prepare and train my brain on how to respond to those feeling if they come, and I hope they do not, I'll take the 10% portion who do not get PAWS.

    Thanks again for the heads up because I really haven't thought about it except on the day of research months ago.

    E.

  24. #204
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi E
    Congrats u are doing it...
    Almost 30 days ..
    I have relapsed a few times because of not knowing about PAWS..
    I think the most important thing is that we know it is temporary and it Will pass..
    Before it felt like 4 ever so I freaked out
    but now we know..
    Some say it doesn't happen very often..
    I think that is debatable because our brains do have to learn to function again without opiates..
    Call it whatever we want but changes occur when the brain is left to function on its own again..

    I really think if we keep doing what we are doing now to help the normal process to happen that will continue to help..
    Supplements
    Exercise
    Laughing
    Chocolate
    Spicy peppers
    Sex
    Amino acids
    All those things make the body produce its own feel good chemicals .
    And that is what we are missing..

    This is where Knowledge is Power!

    My motto is prepare for the worst and Expect the best!!

    Don't wait for the other shoe to drop and maybe it won't!
    Take care
    Iluv2
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-05-2014 at 09:48 PM.
    Efil Pleh likes this.

  25. #205
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    PAWS!

    This is my take and action:

    I have done the research and know it exists and understand the symptoms and duration possibilities BUT

    I am going to take all of that information and pack it away on the hard drive of my brain and live my life on the RAM (random access memory) portion and I have several gigs. I will only access that file if I feel the symptoms for 5 consistant days or more, then retrieve, look at what to do and save back to the HD.

    Anything less than 5 days I will contribute to life's normal ups and downs.

    Correct or not, thats my strategy incase the knock at the door actually happens, hopefully it doesn't and hopefully I will not answer it and it will go away.

    E.

  26. #206
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 27 IN:
    Saturday, Dec, 6th 2014
    @ 11:04AM

    Yesterday is Yesterday!

    Yesterday was an unexpected rough day. My whole body hurt, I had a feeling of being super full and my legs were hurting, hurting bad enough too require several hot baths. I also experienced some depression or just not feeling good mentally. I’m not sure but I think reviewing PAWS may have triggered a few thoughts that I had to work through and move away from. It was just an all around bad day!

    Today is a new day and I feel okay, just took an Aleeve 12 hour OTC, hopefully that will provide some relief to minor aches and pains. The energy is there mentally but not there physically. Later I will push myself to get some exercise. I am going to get this snacking out of my system, which also probably contributed to feeling so full and uncomfortable.

    Yesterdays Snacks:

    Blue berries
    Strawberries
    Yogurt
    Popcorn
    Cookies
    4 Cups coffee
    Apple
    Left over Chinese
    Pizza
    Cereal
    Water
    Hawaiian Punch (Red) – Loving that = Sorry Son, I know its for your lunch ☺
    Cheetos
    Lays Stax Chips cheddar cheese
    Jelly Beans
    Twix Bar

    HaHa, Messed up!

    Done with all that, I’ll keep the fruit and yogurt but all the rest, well maybe except the Hawaiian Punch is gone. Just typing the list made it so much more apparent.

    While taking the pain pills I lost 80lbs, 215 to 135Lbs, I looked like I had another disease. It’s all in the life of those horrible pills! People would say, are you okay? I would say, yes fine, on top of the world and I was, the entire way on top, couldn’t even see the world!

    My mindset was this is great losing weight, pain gone and feeling energetic. The price I paid for a short time of that was way not worth it. Soon everything started to come apart, little by little, day-by-day, year-by-year. I could not see it! Everything was o interesting and fun, I remember sitting in my front yard listening to my iPod for a few hours in the middle of the workweek.

    My super stuffy country club neighbors would ask are you retired, I would say no and they would say I wish I could just enjoy life like that. Little did I realize, life like that is for weekends and so my destruction continued? I probably should have joined the neighborhood book club, LOL.

    Anyway off on a rant, but life was spiraling out of control in a big way.

    If you are reading this and your life still has some resemblance of routine and normal take a step back and inventory your action, decision and addiction and take action to quit, if you're not where I was yet you will be and maybe sooner then you think.

    It can’t go on forever.

    E.

  27. #207
    NeedLifeBack is offline New Member
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    I'm just a cpl days in and your posts are encouraging! Thanks for the inspiration
    Efil Pleh likes this.

  28. #208
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    You are funny!
    I like what you snacked on ..
    I knew you would like smart recovery.
    When I was inpatient for 5 days I went to every kind of meeting available..
    I like the cognitive approach it all starts with a behavior..
    But I am committed to the 12 steps ..
    I have a great sponsor and support group..

    That is why there are 31 ice cream flavors..
    One for every different taste..
    Like recovery we have to choose what works for us..
    We can do both..
    God knows I invested many hours in a day to my using..
    I should be willing to invest at least that much to my recovery..
    The more I do is ....just icing on the cake..

    Congratulations...
    I remember you on your first days..
    You are a success one day at a time!
    Iluv2

  29. #209
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iluv2smile View Post
    You are funny!
    I like what you snacked on ..
    I knew you would like smart recovery.
    When I was inpatient for 5 days I went to every kind of meeting available..
    I like the cognitive approach it all starts with a behavior..
    But I am committed to the 12 steps ..
    I have a great sponsor and support group..

    That is why there are 31 ice cream flavors..
    One for every different taste..
    Like recovery we have to choose what works for us..
    We can do both..
    God knows I invested many hours in a day to my using..
    I should be willing to invest at least that much to my recovery..
    The more I do is ....just icing on the cake..

    Congratulations...
    I remember you on your first days..
    You are a success one day at a time!
    Iluv2
    Thank you Iluv2,

    Your replies keep me going!

    You are appreciated!

    Sincerely,
    E.
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  30. #210
    Efil Pleh is offline Member
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    DAY 28 IN:
    Dec, 7th, 2014 @ 9:30AM



    So much for a constant:

    Yesterday was the best day so far. The first part of the day was spent with my Son, he and I just going through the motions. Talking, laughing and chilling. Then we all went to the beach, spent about 2 hours, came home, changed and went out to eat. I had 2 Angry Orchards (Cider Ale) and it was tasty and had 5.5% alcohol, so that was fun. After I ate the alcohol buzz was gone, that was good.

    Came home and watched TV. Best part is there is little to no aches and pains. How does that happen after day like the prior day? I have no idea. I’m guessing prior day some of the gunk stuck on my brain receptor’s fell off? Really, that could of happen.

    The scariest and most interesting part of this addiction is the actual physical disasters that happen within the body, medically and scientifically speaking. The receptors really do become coated with direct and in-direct byproducts of the drug, nasty event and very disturbing when actually understood. No wonder I bought that $600.00 Kitchen Aid mixer several years ago! Best part is I have no idea where it went.

    Anyway:

    Today is the 28th day of no pain pills, hard to believe after 200mg per day for many years and finishing up with the last does at 90mg 28 days ago. It has been, well a long road, but in the lifetime aspect it’s been no time at all. There were days where I just searched for relief in everyway I could, other than pain pills. I have taken more hot baths in the last 28 days then my whole life combined. I have tried more OTC pain relievers and gone through intense emotions. All worth it!

    The worst time of day for me while on those life removers (pain pills) was the mornings. Now, the best part of the day is the mornings. I feel rejuvenated in the morning and happy, well most of the time, sometimes, but not often I wake up a little down, but it only last for a minute or so and then it’s gone. Prior every morning was complete disaster; I woke up every morning feeling so bad it’s hard to imagine I made it!

    I still say the one of the most important aspect to ongoing success in remembering what life was while on those pills. Human nature forgets plain and simple forgets. We may remember the event but not often do we remember the actual details of how bad it actually was.

    This is why I wrote myself a journal and detailed everything I could remember, and I will forced myself to remember allot! I have read that journal once since off the pills but know I will read it again and again in the years to come. I tend to digest a stimulant (a beer or two) when I’m feeling my best and stay away from them when feeling down, probably sounds strange, but everyone is different. The pain pills consumed and digested me I could not control when I took them, they controlled that and made me work hard to stay on schedule. I took them when I was happy, sad or upset, it didn’t matter it was just that time of day. Count, count and count some more. I had OCD of counting. Not anymore, well maybe, I keep counting the days I’m clean - does that count? No pun intended, LOL!

    This Forum:

    This forum has done many positive things for me, one of which is it gave me the ability to be me. In past years living the corporate life my responses were canned and being me was difficult. I was somewhat like a politician.

    So thank you to all of you because you are the forum, without you this would be just a blank canvas leading into the abyss. All of you have created the stories, painted the pictures and provided the takeaways and footnotes.

    I am appreciative to each and every one of you!

    E.
    Danielle888 likes this.

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