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day 4 with no vicoden
  1. #61
    shawn156 is offline Member
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    Let me share this with you Tom. Remember I said I wrecked my marriage? Well,even though we are divorced,she came back on Superbowl Sunday and we have been doing great. Our relationship was very troubled when I was on the pills and before she came back we hung out and she seen a totally different person in me,the person she met,and now we are living together again. We argued 3-4 times a day and they were not just little fights,huge blown up fights. It got to the point where she was hitting me.
    We have not had 1 argument since we started being around each other again. It's been since Jan since we have been back at it when she decided she wanted to come back and work it out. Best feeling in the world for me to have her back and under way better circumstances.This and my kids have drove me to stay clean. I like how things are now and I don't want to loose her or my kids trust again. She knows I am not going back on them and I promised her it will never happen again. I know what kind of person I was and I wasn't nice,all I worried about was where my next fix was coming from.
    This past week I purchased a handgun with her approval.She went with me and helped pick it out. I never thought she would allow this and I told her I was surprised and she said she felt comfortable with me owning one now that I am a different person.She has been bothering me now to go to the gun range LOL.
    I am almost 45 days clean and my sleeping the last few days have been the best in years. I go to sleep and I stay asleep all night without waking up. That is also a big change just from last week.
    It will take time for your wife to get trust back with you,but once you do,you will know it. You have just stopped a 6 year habit and she will be watching your money closer then ever now to see if you relapse. Don't relapse and show her you are serious about the marriage. Sit her down,tell her you are sober and staying that way and will even do random drug test to prove to her you are not hiding anything from her. Ask what you can do to gain her trust back. You'll be surprised at her answers.
    Me and my exwife/girlfriend aren't getting married again,we are just going to live together,which I am fine with.I have her back and feel my family is once again complete and wouldn't have it any other way.
    Good job on staying clean and things will work out for you. It just takes time for those around you to see you are a changed person. Good luck and congrats on the days you have been clean.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-12-2014 at 05:27 AM.

  2. #62
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Shawn that is freaking great news man!!! I'm proud of you man,its strange that what we back could destroy everything and everyone in our lives, I keep telling my wife that words can never prove to here the mission I'm on only my actions can, I wake up in the morning and I'm ready for anything ,the past 2 weeks I have done so much on the jib I'm on ,I got my inspection yesterday only have to add a couple things and ill be putting the roof on,that felt great,the one thing I have noticed is time flies latley,before it went ny so slow,ive put 10 pounds on in 28 days, I feel like the days when I had the munchies ,all I do is eat,but anyways have to get back to work,and Artist thanx for the kind words,keep fighting my friends,

    Tom

  3. #63
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Sam, Struggling 420,Johnny, and everyone else,how you doin??? sorry I haven't been around much,just been working like crazy then get home and its family time,hope you are all doing good, as for me today is day 28!!! so much has changed in the last 28 days,some bad but mostly all good thing's,if you read my post I lost my truck do to my bad choices,wife still giving me s""t for that one,but hey I deserved it,just moving forward and trying to find some time to go fishing, my stingRay is lonley , ya I know kind of a strange pet but they are way cool,haven't got stung yet and hopefully never will,and for those that are lurking around reading posts and are scared to join you don't know what tour missing,I started off with one friend and now have so many its hard to keep up with everyone,but you know who you are and thanx again for all the wonder advice and just letting me ramble on sometimes about nothing much,kind of like what I'm doing now so I guess I should get back to work,stay strong my friends,sobriety is unreal!!!

    your friend Tom

  4. #64
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Reid,this is something you might relate to,so I'm watching tv the other day channel surfing I'm watching all these people like surviorman and stuff like that when it hit me,What do these people have on me? the answer is they made an effort to do something good with there lives,we are making an effort ourselves to do something good,and we will. they are just people doing something they love,so we as addicts have the choice to make of are we gonna go back and just ne a statistic of drug abusers or are we going to do something that we will be remembered for that was good? just had to put that out there take care.

    Tom

  5. #65
    shawn156 is offline Member
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-13-2014 at 04:13 PM.

  6. #66
    tom27 is offline Member
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    the trust thing will take some time for her and I'm perfectly fine with that,yesterday she called me because she had a script to fill for a little old lady she takes care of,she thought she put it in her purse and it wasn't there,ya I'm the first one to look at,but it was in her van that I'm using ,I found it and called her to tell her where it was,it felt good. s<>t 2 months ago I probably would have had it filled for myself ,so in the past 29 days I went from 165 pounds to now 177, still have about 15-20 pounds to go but its a start.

    Tom

  7. #67
    tom27 is offline Member
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    well tomorrow will be 30 days for me,and what I difference time can make ,I actually feel like a normal human being, I have to say time is just flying by latlely,energy level off the charts,never going back thats for sure,

    Tom

  8. #68
    tom27 is offline Member
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    the start of day30 today!!!! ive been waiting for this one. my first month of sobriety ...

    Tom

  9. #69
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Congrats Tom!

  10. #70
    tom27 is offline Member
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    thanx man,so just a little side note I really want to thank everyone here that has helped me through this ,to many people,,, to thank but you know who you are,I'm glad I found this place and I'm thankful for all the feed back,thank you again, wow this sounds like a speach from the grammys,lol ok people I have to get back to work. waiting for another inspection,

    stay strong my friends,

    Tom

  11. #71
    shawn156 is offline Member
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    congrats on 30 days.Your energy level will be normal soon.
    Feels good to feel like a human again and not have to chase pills down so you avoid withdrawal.
    The trust thing will take a while but since you are staying clean she will see it and start doing little things to see if you are 100% off them and not relapse.
    Relapse happens and don't beat yourself up for it. It took me over 2 years to get sober this long because of relapse and how easy they were to get.

  12. #72
    ohnonotme is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tom27 View Post
    half way through day 6, kind of wanted them today but luckly there are none to be found even if I looked for them. other then rls at night,some anxiety at night and only sleeping for a few hours its not that bad, I mark on the calender every morning clean for the previous day, also putting my weight in calender every night. went from 164 to last night 166. still I should be pushing 200. kind of funny most people want to lose 40 lbs, I want to gain 40.. lol . at least I'm back to work.
    this is day 2-3 of trying to get off these. fortunately I am dealing with much lighter dosage of 40 mg, but have benn on it for 1 1/2 years. These readings make it easier to think and focus. thanks.

  13. #73
    tom27 is offline Member
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    welcome to family,this place is great,you will find a lot of great people and great advice ,it has helped me so much dealing with everything,but congratulations on jumping in and getting off the nasty demons,when I was on day 2-3 I never thought I would make it this far,end of day 31 now and man what a difference,so how are you holding up,w/d can be a pain but you just have to push through it,ya its no fun but it does get better each day,right now is the toughest part to go through ,do you have RLS and are you sleeping at all? I will give you any advice I can think of, also check the need to talk talk section ,it gets more traffic then here ,good luck keep reading and posting it really does help

    Tom

  14. #74
    tom27 is offline Member
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    Sam,Johnny,Blue,420, any of you still around? end of day 31 extremely tired,but thats from working my a!! off this week ,calling it a day. I pray for everyone here to win this battle. I know you can do it,have a good night everyone ,check in in the morning ,and for all you in the east ill try to send you some of the So Cal heat, I actually wish it
    was cold here so I could go skiing,

    stay strong and keep fighting
    Tom

  15. #75
    Missmarypdx is offline New Member
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    Tom - I read your whole post last night when I think I hit a personal low. I've been addicted to Norcos for 12 years I spent a whole year clean just to go back after I had stones removed. Then further pain issues involved prescription meds and I gobbled them up. Now I'm hooked again .. I take about 30mg a day sometimes 40 - yesterday I *think* I took that much but I wasn't sure and had a panic attack thinking I was going to OD - of course my mind knew I wouldn't OD off of 50mg tops but my brain and my body is just rejecting this addiction. I'm so friggin over it. I'm a mom and a wife and I can see my relationship with my husband suffering since I got back on pills. He doesn't know I take them. I have a baby and a nine year old who are my world who need me and all I could think about last night was them when I was mid panic attack. How many people I know who have died of this addiction and how my kids would feel if I did. I've hit bottom before without losing my family, job or money and that's how I feel now. Like ive hit bottom again after only months of use again. Your posts inspired me and got me through the night. I've decided to taper. My last dose will be the 27th of this month. So close. I want my freedom back. My happiness. My LIFE. Thanks for posting. I will be doing the same when I go through this (again ) soon.

  16. #76
    artist99 is offline Banned
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    Missmary, be strong for them babies.
    If one of them was hooked, would you gladly take it from them?
    Think of it that way. Places of strength are in all of us.

    Get strong, be strong, stay strong.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-16-2014 at 05:21 PM. Reason: mistyped, again.

  17. #77
    Missmarypdx is offline New Member
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    Thanks artist I'm hella trying. It doesn't help I've been recently diagnosed with endromitriosis and something called pelvic congestion syndrome. I'm 36 and basically done with having kids so if a hysterectomy is on the table I will take it at this point. The pain has been overwhelming some days.. But the pain of knowing I'm physically addicted to a drug I fought so hard to get off is worse. When I got off for a year I was doing Pilates every day, meditating and running four miles a day. Now cleaning my house is all the exercise I get part of that is just being a busy new mom with a nine year old who has a very demanding schedule between sports and school and part of it is because when I have a chance to rest I find myself vegging out on Netflix instead of being out in the world living my life. I know it's because I'm so depressed I let myself get here. Again. The sad part is from the outside I look like I have it all together so everyone just assumes I'm ok. Not ONE person in my life knows I'm back on pills. I was very honest before ( I was on a pain contract for a bad accident I was in ) and told my friends and family when I thought I had a problem. My brother called it a reverse intervention because I called everyone over to tell them I had a problem. I'm so humiliated to be back where I was and I don't feel like there's anyone I can tell.. I know NA meetings are helpful and I suppose I will go.. But the whole secret life thing is just weighing on me. I can't tell my husband. He'd lose it I think .. It would break so much of our trust. Gah!! I weaned down to 20mg today and I will do that for two more days - then 1.5 for three then 1 then .5 then zero by the first of the month. I'm just going to hit the gym hard when I feel like >>>>. It's the only thing that made me feel better last time.
    Sorry not trying to hijack your thread Tom! I promise I shall start my own. Thanks again for the inspiration

  18. #78
    artist99 is offline Banned
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    I'm sorry too tom!
    Missmary, I think tapering is the key once the emotional commitment is present.

    It's doable, and another option you could consider is telling your husband and then getting on the clonodine scripts from a doctor.

    You have options and loved ones are usually good support.

    Hang in there!!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-16-2014 at 09:45 PM. Reason: misspoke

  19. #79
    tom27 is offline Member
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    you can hyjack my thread any time,no worries,just glad you want off those stupid things,its dam battle but I try everyday to stay strong and keep fighting ,you really have to want this,I'm glad I have made it this far,ill post more,, later,but use my thread as much as you want,

    Tom

  20. #80
    rosehill is offline New Member
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    Hang in there. I just read your posts and am very inspired by your story. I just started a new thread "need some support". Just wanted you to know that someone read your posts!

  21. #81
    tom27 is offline Member
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    hey everyone just poking in for a min,Marry,and anyone else I Do not mind you posting here at all.. as long as your getting your thoughts and feelings out is all I'm concerned about,Marry how are you doin girl? its a rough road that we are on but there hope for us, I will do into more later tonight ,hang in there.

    Tom

  22. #82
    tom27 is offline Member
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    just thought I would come back to my thread for a minute,day 34 now doing good, peace everyone

  23. #83
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Tom that's great you are feeling good by 34 days! Keep going strong

  24. #84
    tom27 is offline Member
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    some days I wonder why I'm even doing this,what's the point when no one in my life even believes I'm clean. if I sit around and do nothing ,I must be useing,if I'm up doing things I have to much energy,I must ne useing, where is the happy medium where I'm not getting acused any more? I'm about to just give up on everything .

    Tom

  25. #85
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Usually it takes time for people and family to notice the change I wouldn't let what they are saying bother you just keep going it will take a long period of time sometimes over a year for the skeptics to believe.

  26. #86
    tom27 is offline Member
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    been a couple days since ive been her,had a rough couple days but all seems to be ok now

    Tom

  27. #87
    The Husband is offline Member
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    Hang in their tom. You might be experience PAWS which is similar to acute w/d but usually comes and goes in waves and can last up to 6 months for heavy/long time users usually occurring around 30-45 days 60-75 days basically evey month or so and last a couple of days before vanishing. I am sure you don't want to go through another day 3

  28. #88
    tom27 is offline Member
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    you got that right,just so much going on right now,I feel ok just been snappy at my wife the past couple if days, its hard fir her to completely understand what I'm going through but she is behind me 110 percent ,I know its going to take a long time for her to have trust in me again,I just wish this nightmare would be over

    Tom

  29. #89
    shawn156 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Husband View Post
    Hang in their tom. You might be experience PAWS which is similar to acute w/d but usually comes and goes in waves and can last up to 6 months for heavy/long time users usually occurring around 30-45 days 60-75 days basically evey month or so and last a couple of days before vanishing. I am sure you don't want to go through another day 3
    I think this is what I am going through now. It's been nearly 2 months since I last used and every now and then I get in that mood where everything is setting me off,then I am ok after a few days.

  30. #90
    tom27 is offline Member
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    ya its strange just all of a sudden I was in a horrible mood no patients and every thing would piss me off, better now though,so Shawn how is everything going? what day are you on now? if everything goes well I should have my truck back by the end of the week,I think that will take some of the stress off me and my wife,thank you again for staying in touch with me,I'm going to start posting more ive kind of been slacking on these ,I have been keeping my self super busy with work etc. still fighting though. its nice to see some of US are still hanging on while others have been consumed by the demon,take care my friend I'm proud of you.

    Tom

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