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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #301
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    No.....Thank YOU Mommy....Sunshine's....Butterfly....Bri....Maggie. ...Etc....I can't thank you ALL enough!! They always say in meetings....The most important person in the room is the newcomer.....I never used to understand that.....But....I do now!! It's all about listening to you Guys/Gals...and remembering where I come from.....Not VERY LONG AGO!! You need....or I NEED to hear YOU all talking and writing about how your feeling....Bad...Mad....Glad....Sad....TIRED.....N o ENERGY.....all that stuff.....cause after awhile.....I kinda forget....Not totally...Believe ME....YOU Never Totally FORGET....BUT....Life starts getting better...and it kind of gets lost in the back of your mind.....I LOVE staying here....Supporting YOU ALL....trying to give some advice....or at least give You MY EXPERIENCE with what I DID to get to where I am NOW!! It also gives me chills, listening to You ALL start sounding better.....mounting up YOUR Days.....This Forum is JUST as important to ME, as it is for You!! WE are ALL intertwined .....We are ONE....in a Battle against the BEAST....in an attempt to get Free.....and get our Passion for LIVING back again!! We are on a Mission....We are TITANS!!! Stay Strong Everyone!!...Sorry Mommy....kinda used YOUR thread for a Whole Forum Post......Anyway....you say you've listened to ME since Day One.....I am just Glad to be a Part of Your Journey....as well as Sunshine's...Butterfly's....Etc!! You ROCK Mommy!!xo
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-26-2015 at 10:35 PM. Reason: spelling error
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  2. #302
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Dave I just love you.....in a post and thread kind of way. THAT WAS YOUR BEST HALLMARK of them all!!!! It was so from the heart, and it means so much to me, more than any other one. You need to copy and put on my thread as well. It's my favorite!!!!! It was so inspirational.

    The best part about it is that I have often wondered if you ever get bored/tired of me and mommy going back and forth with are blahhh blahh, the sun is out, it's cloudy......and honestly just us being girls doing what we do best.....no drug could take that away...we still know how to socialize and be friends in the way girls only know how to do. I guess I got my answer and I have the biggest smile on my face! You are the BEST!!!!!!!!
    BIG XOXXOXOXOXOXOOX
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-26-2015 at 10:59 PM. Reason: Typo
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  3. #303
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I know, right? I am seriously BEAMING right now. And I don't "beam" much these days, lol. You dave are the best at hallmark posts. I hear every single word you say, I replay it in my head throughout the day, these boards have taught me HOW to be happy without a crutch. To feel all this love going back and forth just makes me all happy inside
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  4. #304
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    I know, right? I am seriously BEAMING right now. And I don't "beam" much these days, lol. You dave are the best at hallmark posts. I hear every single word you say, I replay it in my head throughout the day, these boards have taught me HOW to be happy without a crutch. To feel all this love going back and forth just makes me all happy inside
    So I am contemplating, after feeling so giddy from davep's post......
    When you can FEEL your feelings again..... that's a big thing, right?
    Life is not meant to be lived numb. That would be a waste......

  5. #305
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hahahahah.....I would copy and post on YOUR thread Sunshine....except....I don't know how????...I kinda go back and forth between Your thread and Mommy's...since I know YOU will both be reading each others!! I'm glad it helped....VERY TRUE!! I love You all too....Like you said...In a Post kinda thread way.......WE DO all need one another.....YOU two stay connected like you've been doing....It IS very inspirational...not just to ME....and of course helping pull each other along...One Day At A Time....But think of all the Peeps...Just out there in Cyber space....Reading....Your Touching more lives than You WILL ever realize!! Giving them HOPE....if these Gals can do it.....maybe....just Maybe.....I can too.......Stay Strong You Two!!.xo
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  6. #306
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Maybe, just maybe..... You already helped so many of us through the darkest days. We are preaching your words now...... That's a big thanks to you Dave! Xoxoxo
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  7. #307
    rainbowpoots is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Thanks for writing Rainbow. There was something fateful about my ending up here when I did. Just as there was something fateful about sunshine maintaining her taper for so long. We have to see life as more powerful than just our conscious decisions. Maybe there was a reason you needed to experience that relapse, maybe you still had more to learn and experience from this battle. My point is just that there is no use beating yourself up or regretting the relapse at this point. What has happened, has already happened, and THAT part you cannot control. What you can control is what happens from now. Learn from your mistakes....that makes them lessons, which are a normal way of gaining wisdom, rather than mistakes that we will feel guilty or regretful about. This whole experience for me has been nothing but a vicious battle of ups and downs, but the friends I have here on these boards have helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if I can't quite reach it yet. Where there is a will, there is a way. I hope you continue to post and keep up with us!!!
    Thank you, your right. It was a lesson that really put me where i needed to be I had to hit bottom to finally get it. Man these mood swings I'm having are doozies! I juzy feel so angry. Im tryin to keep them in check. Thank you for your kind words!
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  8. #308
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I think angry is a totally normal response. Early on, I really felt like I hated every happy person I saw. I probably gave dirty looks to every genuine smile someone gave me. But that resentment did pass. Can't say it's totally gone, as my moods are still like a roller coaster some days, but I admire people smiling now more than resent them. It's a battle to control these minds if ours, that is for sure. Time & determination are your best friends though! It's gonna get better!!!
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  9. #309
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Go TITAN!!! Go TITAN!!! Heck yea.....Congrats on 4 weeks!!!! I wish for 30 I could decorate your thread like you would do for a house with bds.
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  10. #310
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I KNOW I KNOW! I'm seriously on cloud 9 (for the moment.... don't get me wrong, I know this game by now!)
    But.... little successes, big successes....... they are all WINNING. Do you realize how many people can't ever do what we have done? I'm gonna rejoice tonight. And then just take tomorrow up my tailpipe, as usual, LOL

  11. #311
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    You make me laugh and put a smile in my face... I loved the tail pipe thing. It's so much sunnier around this board when you are posting!!! Good night TITAN talk to you tomorrow.
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  12. #312
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Night Sunshine. Hoping you wake to sun beams tomorrow. I will be dreaming of the beach, not about pills(I hope).Watch.... I will be at the beach.....and all of those little tiny shells will be hydros. Now I;ve one and put the idea in my head..... ah well. lol What a sight that would be to see us all frantically digging for those tiny shells that disappear in the waves. When we go to the beach, I am bringing a BIG shovel.... just in case jk

    Be here tomorrow ASAP. xoxoxoxoxo

  13. #313
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Well done a once again ladies!! You two make ME laugh as well....Thank you!! Not much tonight...I am VERY tired....sometimes WE still have some sleep issues....as I did last night....But...all in all...still a Good Day!! Hope You two get some good rest....and YOU dream about Warm Sandy beaches....with some sea shells...ONLY!!! Stay Strong TITANS!!.xo

  14. #314
    momneedshelp7 is offline Member
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    Thanks ladies for writing back. I couldn't agree with you more. I posted on some other threads today hoping to find a taper buddy, as I'm about to reduce my dose tmr. This site has been a life saver and game changer. And even if I don't find a buddy (I see a lot of people who just disappear - so sad) I'll continue to read your thread and get the support / uplifting thoughts that I need. Good work ladies. You have no idea how much you are helping others. Xxoo
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  15. #315
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by davepeerson View Post
    Well done a once again ladies!! You two make ME laugh as well....Thank you!! Not much tonight...I am VERY tired....sometimes WE still have some sleep issues....as I did last night....But...all in all...still a Good Day!! Hope You two get some good rest....and YOU dream about Warm Sandy beaches....with some sea shells...ONLY!!! Stay Strong TITANS!!.xo
    Hope sleep went well for you. Dave we don't always need much, more importantly we just need to know your there. I have sun today so I am going to find my sunglasses and get my walk in. I hope everyone has a bright and happy day!!
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  16. #316
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hope your day is going to be an awesome one sunshine! We have speakers from local med schools talking to our classes today, so I'm sitting in the back typing on my phone like a bad student, lol. It's such a pretty day here today! Sunny & kinda warm. I just want to get outside! Hoping I can cut out early today to get home in time for a walk before the warm goes away. Enjoy your wAlk & your day & I'll be back soon, hopefully with some humor left in me! Xoxo

  17. #317
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Oh and I forgot to add..... Earbuds in....... I'm prepared! No need to throat chop ppl when you can't hear them! Lol

  18. #318
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    I KNOW I KNOW! I'm seriously on cloud 9 (for the moment.... don't get me wrong, I know this game by now!)
    But.... little successes, big successes....... they are all WINNING. Do you realize how many people can't ever do what we have done? I'm gonna rejoice tonight. And then just take tomorrow up my tailpipe, as usual, LOL
    This nice to hear! Any room for me on that cloud?! Glad you are doing good!

  19. #319
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustAnotherAddict View Post
    This nice to hear! Any room for me on that cloud?! Glad you are doing good!
    I would like to come to cloud nine as well. Unfortunately for me I can't take a pill and with out it I am unable to jump that far. Will have to wait on my brain... it is slow trying to figure out how to jump again. Enjoy for all of us.

  20. #320
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Be careful what you wish for!Don't forget that the cloud 9 is immediately followed by a day up the tailpipe! Ups and Downs, right? I made it through..... but ear buds only work in some situations.... as you know from your kids tricks, Sunshine!

    It was an ok day.Esp since the guest speakers covered my classes so I did not have to listen to myself ramble. I signed up for a free trial at a closer gym. It's only a quarter mile from kiddo's school. I managed to get out of lab in time to go there, sign up, and get a full 50 min of exercise & lifting in. Home before the sun sets with enough time to do chores, although zero motivation with which to do them. Still, I am hopeful that this place will be a good fit for me. I'm willing, just gotta try to fit it in. So my workout plan B is officially in effect..... we shall see. Now to cook some protein..... my arms & abs are feeling the burn!
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  21. #321
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Don't go far mommy need to talk

  22. #322
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Don't go far mommy need to talk
    I'm right here sunshine!

  23. #323
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Mommy....I posted a LONG drawn out post on Sunshine"s Thread.....But....It's for Both of You.....So....I won't write it all over again on Yours!! Hope Your sleeping well.....Stay Strong Titans!! Go Hawks!!..xoxo

  24. #324
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Today my TITANS......
    30 days , 4.3 weeks, 1 month
    One month ago today I thought I would die & never see THIS day.
    Yet here I am.

    Do I feel great? Nope. Do I feel "normal"? Not really. But I am here..... And I am clean. And I am healthier, becoming even more so with every step I take, no matter how tiny that step might be. The mental struggle still makes me feel looney sometimes, but it is truly better than waking up wondering when & where my first dose will come from.

    Today I will see the positive. Not letting anybody near that tailpipe on this MY day.

    Love you all so, esp you sunshine! I hope today is less anxious than yesterday. Thinking of u always. Xoxo

  25. #325
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Happy 30 days!!!!!! So proud of you, although I always knew you would make it. Have a good day you so deserve it!!! Earplugs in today. Don't let anyone bring you down. I am going to try to get a few things dompleted today. Starting with my walk.


    Heck yea.......30 days..... Go TITAN!!!!! We are strong and in the end although we don't always feel like it all the time we are kicking butt and taking names. Everyday we take is another success!!! Looking forward to our next goal of daves 2 year. I thought I originally saw the 15th but then a recent post said the 14th. Will need to confirm or research.

  26. #326
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    And the gloom and doom STILL prevails on what is supposed to be my first happy milestone day! I had such a good attitude this morning! I was so hopeful! Then went to organic and ramble, ramble, ramble..... everyone looks confused, including myself. Ugh Beginning to just resign myself to never feeling normal again. I swear I am trying with every single ounce of me to heal myself. But impatience is getting the best of me. I started hating people again today. People I see that I know still use, people I see that I know get my old "good deals", just people in general. I don't wanna be around anybody today. So disappointed I was trying to make this a day of joy. But my roller coaster of a mind had other plans for me, I guess. Feeling down and defeated. Why?

    Have to go to organic lab now. Worst one of them all. My stress level is through the roof. I sure wish today could have gone differently. I tried mind over matter..... but today I feel lost.

    Sun came out, then went away. Maybe that's all it is. Maybe its just the sadness of losing that vitamin D. Ah well. Counter is still ticking. Now just feels like "how on EARTH will I be able to do this until the next month ticks by???"

    Sending warm hugs to all. And hoping the sun is shining, whether internally ot externally, to all of you titans reading this. xoxo

  27. #327
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    It is VERY Mental Mommy.....Congrats on 30 Days!! But....it really is still VERY early!! Try as Best as YOU can to keep your expectations LOW....for Now....Don't expect FANTASTIC days....It's still Early...Try and Focus On what YOU and Sunshine Have accomplished....Think about how YOU felt on Day 2...3...5...compared to Now!!! I know that impatient feeling.....YOU 2 are getting Soo Much Closer to feeling Better more Days than Not!! I DO recall....in MY first few weeks/months....can't remember exactly....But MY mornings seemed to always start out the BEST.....then I would fade as the day progressed...?? It was like I was slowly getting my Brain back in shape.....Pretty Soon I would feel better...a little bit Longer....then a little longer still....until I felt pretty much the same all Day.....Most Days GOOD!!! I know it's Frustrating.....Hang Tough TITAN'S.....AS they say in Meetings....Don't give up before the Miracle!!
    I went to a Men's meeting last night....and a Guy we just had a 3 month celebration party for...( he used Meth...Pills....drank...) was not their....Found out he went back out AGAIN....He has been trying to get Clean and sober for the whole 4 years I've known him.....He can't get past 2-3 months....It's the danger Zone....I like to call it....because like I said on Sunshine's thread....That's when WE feel like we've come Sooo Far, but think we Just aren't feeling Good enough....FAST ENOUGH!!....and the BEAST is Talking!!! People think they might just as well go back......Please Don't....It's a Vicious CYCLE.....Never Ending......Keep the Faith....keep Counting Days.....I SWEAR to YOU....It is the BEST way to GO....and YOU won't regret it....But if the Beast gets it's grips into YOU again.....Misery........Stay Strong Mommy.....One Moment at a Time.....and Cherish every GOOD Moment During this time....until More and More Come for YOU!!.xoxo
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-29-2015 at 02:11 PM.
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  28. #328
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy I am right here for you!!!! Dave is correct and I wanted to reply on what he wrote me last night however that post will be longer and will take me a few more minutes. So in a short version here I go.

    I did not want to speak of some of my research but the relapse rate for opiates is unreal. Alcohol relapse is not near as high. I read the 30 day point things actually start to go down hill and in rehab centers they actually cut people out during the tough times. When Dave speaks of the 30 day point I understand.

    So now we know. Dave says this time is critical we will just stay closer than before and be strong. I am having a good day my walk was good. Get your excercise in tonight and it will help. I have to do my ins project can't avoid it any longer. Anxiety will be thru the roof!! I responded to a poster earlier today and I want you to read the reply. I was so touched!!! I will post back and get the name of it for you.

    Sorry you are having a miserable day. Day is almost over!!! Sun come back out....I have had same kind of weather.
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  29. #329
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy how was the rest of your day. I am thinking you hit the gym today. The poster was abc ..Percocet that I wanted you to read. I have an ap class seminar for my son tonight and dinner to make. So it will be much later before I can check back in. I actually started my project.........Guess.what I am still here to speak about it......lol...... Not hapoy but made it thru. She is getting a few things not all better than nothing.
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  30. #330
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I am okay. Plain ole sad really, if I am being honest though. It's like, I reached this big milestone, but I can't even IMAGINE counting 30 more days, much less time beyond that. It's like whether I look forward or back, it is equally frustrating and depressing. I dunno if I can do another 30 days of pushing through, much less a life time. I guess I just expected this big wondrous accomplishment to hit me today, and I am so disappointed that I did not feel that way.

    I am trying right now to look back instead of forward. 30 days ago, at this very moment, I was curled in a ball crying my eyes out. I was a broken hearted sad mess. So, looking back definitely shows me where I DO NOT want to be. I'm trying so hard to focus on how far I have come, rather than how much farther I need to go. Because looking forward, all I see is more battling. And I am flat out TIRED of fighting!

    Gosh, what kind of effed up person feels BAD about being a month clean? Did I expect fireworks? Automatic enlightenment? I dunno. I guess I just expected some kind of reward. Instead I get one of the hardest days in a couple weeks. I'm just SAD. Okay, so I reached a goal. So what? It feels more like a sentence right now. Like I have SO many more months to go before feeling any reason to celebrate.

    Again, I am trying to look at where I was 30 days ago as compared to now. That's huge. But even thinking 30 more days of THIS? I've just gotta stop trying to look forward right now. Forward scares me. I know I am strong, but not sure hw much more fight I've got.

    I did get to the gym, only had 30 minutes, but at least I fit it in. Thursdays are my really long and hard days. Tomorrow (TGIF) will be better. I have the afternoon off and plan to spend the whole darn day at that gym if I have to. It is the ONLY thing that makes me feel less imprisoned.

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