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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #571
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Just stopped in to say Goodnight Mommy....Read MY whole Thread??? How boring was that.....haha..Glad you Did that....I need to reread it in it's entirety Sometime Soon!! I am Glad if it helped at all...Giving You Hope....Knowing it wasn't always puppies and rainbows for ME either....heck...it still isn't......For ANYBODY!! Sounds Like you Two Titans Had a Good Day....Hope it wasn't all about My Birthday.....but Hey...i'll take a li'l bit of the credit......Sure Felt the Love today...Thank YOU!! Like I said to Sunshine....I don't really feel special...but am Very Grateful for ALL of YOU....and being ABLE to share My experience, strength, and most of all....HOPE!!..I Do hope you TWO are Realizing what your threads are doing for others.....Especially because you two post regularly.....The newbies NEED that....Need to see that You Gals are getting through ALL of it...The Good....Bad.....Sad....Etc!! I Pray your getting good rest tonight Mommy...and Thanks Again to YOU, and All who made Me feel special....was nice!! Stay Strong My Titans!!.xoxo
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  2. #572
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Just wishing everyone reading a good, happy, and clean Sunday! Hope today is filled with sunshine for all of us. Watching cartoons with kiddo on the couch for now, accompanied by my friend Mr. Worry. But gonna make this a good one anyway! I will get in some exercise and good music and then I will certainly feel a lot better. Hope everyone else has a good day!

  3. #573
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by davepeerson View Post
    Just stopped in to say Goodnight Mommy....Read MY whole Thread??? How boring was that.....haha..Glad you Did that....I need to reread it in it's entirety Sometime Soon!! I am Glad if it helped at all...Giving You Hope....Knowing it wasn't always puppies and rainbows for ME either....heck...it still isn't......For ANYBODY!! Sounds Like you Two Titans Had a Good Day....Hope it wasn't all about My Birthday.....but Hey...i'll take a li'l bit of the credit......Sure Felt the Love today...Thank YOU!! Like I said to Sunshine....I don't really feel special...but am Very Grateful for ALL of YOU....and being ABLE to share My experience, strength, and most of all....HOPE!!..I Do hope you TWO are Realizing what your threads are doing for others.....Especially because you two post regularly.....The newbies NEED that....Need to see that You Gals are getting through ALL of it...The Good....Bad.....Sad....Etc!! I Pray your getting good rest tonight Mommy...and Thanks Again to YOU, and All who made Me feel special....was nice!! Stay Strong My Titans!!.xoxo
    It was really helpful, to be honest. I figured it was fitting for your 2 year birthday for me to read the story of how you managed to make it two whole years! Amazing. I learned a lot. You would have really good days, then the next day would be not so good. Made me feel like the roller coaster really IS normal. I am not losing my mind after all, lol! Big difference is you were always positive! Always the ROCK STAR that you still are now, managing work, gym, meetings, friends, plus make time to stick around here for us. I only hope I can manage to keep this up. I remember early on reading about people who were like 52 days clean and acting wonderfully. I am almost there, but I do not always feel wonderful at all. Stressed is usually how I feel, always has been I guess. But better stressed about life than stressed about a pill, right? RIGHT.

    I am so thankful for you and so happy that your birthday was a good one. That dinner sounded wonderful! I can think of no one else (besides maybe my Sunshine) who deserved it to be a good, happy day more so than you! Thank you for being my cyber friend!!!! xoxo
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  4. #574
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy just coming by to say good morning. I have a another busy day which is good. Hubby is keeping me on track. My day could not start properly without wishing you extra sun and big hugs!! I had read part of daves thread still need to finish. It was very inspirational......he did seem always positive.

    Have a good day mommy and dave I will check in later this evening. Xoxxoxo
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  5. #575
    hairchk is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Just wishing everyone reading a good, happy, and clean Sunday! Hope today is filled with sunshine for all of us. Watching cartoons with kiddo on the couch for now, accompanied by my friend Mr. Worry. But gonna make this a good one anyway! I will get in some exercise and good music and then I will certainly feel a lot better. Hope everyone else has a good day!
    you're amazing!! The fear is holding me back

  6. #576
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    Mommy - just checking on you. Hope your day was good and any worries were washed away with some good music and activity. I think this coming week will be good for all of us. That is what I believe.
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  7. #577
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I made the best of the day. Got in more than an hour of gym time, although today was just as hard as like week 2, felt like a bag of bricks.... prob bc I have not gotten to gym in a couple of days. I made myself a fruit smoothie, which did make me feel better to have done something. but mostly hung around the house wishing I was doing more. I just try not to loo up sometimes, so many unfinished tasks and so little motivation to do them. As it was so cold out today, couldn't do much except stay inside, so unfortunately I did some internet reading. Mostly not encouraging, as usual, but reading about PAWS made me feel like maybe it is not insane to feel worse at 6 weeks than I did at 3. It is all just scary. I should not read. But when I feel like doing nothing else..... well, heck. I tried. lol

    Hope everyone had a good Sunday. Time for me to start watching out for the icy weather. My students will be excited if school cancels tomorrow.... test is scheduled. I honestly would rather go to work than have this cabin fever feeling. I am a wacko right now.

  8. #578
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hairchk View Post
    you're amazing!! The fear is holding me back
    After 47 days of this, I AM a tough cookie, I can tell you that! lol
    Fear held me back for a long time, but I realized that keeping on the pills was holding me back from far more. I was missing out on my life and beginning to ruin it in the process. Although it's not exactly what I imagined it would be at this point my worry upon waking is NOT about taking a pill, and for that I am thankful. I am much stringer now than I was. Just still waiting for the rest of those receptors to wake the heck up!

    When you decide it is time, the desire to be free will overcome your desire to keep using. You will know when enough is enough. In the meantime, I hope you stick around! This forum has meant everything to me. Support, accountability, and friendship. It has helped me so very much!

  9. #579
    TheGoodSister is offline Member
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    Dear sadmommy,
    Through your posts about being not quite back to normal at 47 days makes me think about myself and how I think im feeling more normal at day 4. My worries upon kickin the beast is that once withdrawals are over I will be depressed. I have just realized that I have probably been depressed off and on my entire life for what I dealt with as a child. I see your posts and it gives me not hope, but faith that once these withdrawals are over I will too overcome everyday worries and anxieties no problem. Heck I been doing it my whole life before this addiction, why not after it. So, to clear any confusion that my lack of skills with writing this may have caused, You helped me see that I dont need to worry about the depression after w/d as long as I know it may be there. Keep strong as you already know you are and do what works for you! ONE LOVE, goodsister
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  10. #580
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGoodSister View Post
    Dear sadmommy,
    Through your posts about being not quite back to normal at 47 days makes me think about myself and how I think im feeling more normal at day 4. My worries upon kickin the beast is that once withdrawals are over I will be depressed. I have just realized that I have probably been depressed off and on my entire life for what I dealt with as a child. I see your posts and it gives me not hope, but faith that once these withdrawals are over I will too overcome everyday worries and anxieties no problem. Heck I been doing it my whole life before this addiction, why not after it. So, to clear any confusion that my lack of skills with writing this may have caused, You helped me see that I dont need to worry about the depression after w/d as long as I know it may be there. Keep strong as you already know you are and do what works for you! ONE LOVE, goodsister
    Thank you so much goodsister. If nothing else can be said about my thread, it is truth that I have been keeping it real. I do have really good days, that inspire me and keep me going. Patience is a key part of recovering after the initial wds pass, as is a good support system and good communication. I may need counseling or meetings one day to balance myself out, but for right now I am just typing my feelings into this keyboard and counting the days clean. I cannot sugar coat it, the mental battle post physical wds.... I was not prepared for the determination I would need. I am making it though! And I can only hope that by my being honest about what 20, 30, 40 whatever days feels like, just hope that means something to someone else and helps them be more prepared to face it all.

  11. #581
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Mommy/ Another busy day. I feel like the minute I have busy time things start happening on this board. Never seems so busy when I have nothing to do but type away. Research not good but can never help myself. It is so hard because I am a numbers kinda person. I want to know the rate at which you feel better and I want percentage of relapse rates at 30, 60, 90 days, 6 months. I will tell it is nothing but depressing the info I find and I never find what I am looking for. For as much info as you find can't find what I want to know. Then when I do find something close its nothing but depressing.

    Today we are tackling my project. I have a few more days of buckling down and then I will continue on all the paper work. I am so not looking to this weather coming in. Big hugs your way. Missed being around the board today when I know you were around. Lots of big hugs. xoxoxoxo
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  12. #582
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Glad to have you back, but very happy you've been marking some of the things off of your "to do" list. I missed you as always. They have already cancelled school for tomorrow, got the announcement about 30 min ago. I truly feel like I have cabin fever! I got out today to go to the gym, stopped by the store for necessities, but have been home since Friday except for that. As much as I hate to say this, I think having to get up and go to work actually helps me keep my mind off of myself and my pity problems. I sit here too much and worry. Hubs has been great, doing chores and cooking and "sort of" doing laundry.... omgoodness his folding skills...... So it has been a not bad day but I just want some dang motivation. That's it. It feel good, healthy as a horse actually, I feel strong, just at the same time.... just energetically wasted. Nothing left. I can see why it is bad to let people out of inpatient detox at 4-6 weeks. This part is the battle of my life. Just being honest! For anyone new or thinking of jumping soon- Physically, it's a hundred times better, probably a million times better. I CAN function normally without pills. But my mind just will NOT LET GO of the energy boost I so desperately feel like I need to get it all done in one day. I am understanding more and more very day the difference in depending on something versus just downright missing it. Mind games... ugh.

  13. #583
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Found this and liked it a lot: Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow".
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  14. #584
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy I so know what you mean. Its the motivation, energy, and anxiety my mind will not let go of. If feels like it may never end. Yes they actually let people out at a very crucial time. If the anxiety would leave and my mind would just be quiet I would be good to go.

    Got to run I wrote a long post on hopes thread on how my fear held me back from getting off and why I made my taper so long. Not looking forward to the weather at all!! I will be around for a little tomorrow i have to keep going on the project. I can't wait to use my new shoes, my others were worn out.

    Good night Mommy. xoxoxoxo
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  15. #585
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Well....heck Mommy....after reading your post on My thread again....How could I NOT come over here and Say.....YOU...My Lady....You and Sunshine are becoming Rockstars Yourselves!! I appreciate all the NICE words You write to ME....But Don't sell YOURSELF short....You or Sunshine....Maybe Your Not always Happy and cheerful...but it's how it is....It's REAL...believe Me Mommy....Those first couple Months on My thread....I might have sounded inspirational and Upbeat....But I was Just writing.....Wasn't always feeling all that great....One thing I had learned back then was.....Your words become YOU!! I truly believe that...did then...and Do now!! Not saying.....Don't ever complain...or say when things aren't going well....Just....Well...For Me....Before I came to this forum....I loved bathing in My Self-Pity...But it took others....like My Sponsor to Point that out to ME!! So...when you said on MY thread....You realize you may need counseling or meetings...or something besides Just this....Made ME SMILE....Your getting It....Doesn't mean You need it right NOW....although some would say.....and probably would be right....The sooner the better.....But....I don't like to tell someone HOW to do their Own personal Journey....I try Really Hard to just keep it to support and advice!! And My advice to YOU and Sunshine.....Please Just keep Doing what Your Doing.....I mean Seriously....Look at Your Following.....It's incredible....Really......Cyber Hugs to You Two Titans!! get some Rest....and Let's bring on Tomorrow.....Eh??? Bring It!! Stay Strong Titans!!...PS...Nice that you did something Nice for someone Mommy!!...Here's a fitting end for the night...."Real generosity is doing something Nice for someone who will never find out!!...xoxo
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  16. #586
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good morning mommy. Sleep.....6 hrs. I like 8 fine with 7 and anything less my day does not go as well. I need my sleep. Onward with my project today as long as we don't have any ice or snow on the streets I fortunately will be on my own wo hubby today . My kids are home all week for winter break so for my children it's no biggie I don't know about other schools in my area did not keep up with the rest of them. Have a very good day. I hope you can find soemthing to keep you busy today. I will be around off and on today so I will pop in as much as possible. I am sending you big hugs today!!! xoxoxoxo

  17. #587
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Sunshine! We are covered in ice. I would rather have the snow. Everything around here shuts down for the ice. I hear the roads in the city are like skating rinks. I can't complain about getting to sleep in, I tossed and turned a lot last night, still having wacko dreams occasionally, but the extra hour or so of staying snuggled up was appreciated. Hubby had to go to work anyway, he is on the inclement weather crew at his job so he has to go in and check for burst pipes and stuff like that.

    So, kiddo and I on the couch watching Disney movies. Not complaining about that, just a little stir crazy. Possible we won't be going anywhere tomorrow either if temps don't come up. At least today my worry has a focus..... the ice accumulating on the power lines. We are so far out in the country, if we lose power..... it will likely be out for a while. Lots of trees covered in ice and the sleet and freezing rain is steady still coming. And it will get cold in here and I WILL go stir crazy if we lose power! So I am watching the power lines nervously and saying a little prayer. Just keep reminding myself why worry abut it? It is what it is, not something I can control! Just staying bundled up! I "should" be using this time to catch up on some online class grading, but I'll probably just be hanging around this board instead, lol. Hope you have a good day!!!! Maybe having the kids around will keep you feeling more upbeat that most days you have to spend home alone. xoxoxoxox

  18. #588
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    Hey girl, just stopping in to catch up and see hows its going. I noticed you commented on Dave being so positive which he absolutely was. Have you ever heard of fake it til you make it? People tell me how positive I am all the time and I don't feel that way all the time but I figured Ive felt so sad for so long that maybe if I pretended everything was awesome, it would be! But instead of pretending I looked around each day and found 3 things to be grateful for. I usually had more than 3, than I would write them down and look at them when a negative thought crossed my mind. We really do attract what we think about. Im not saying you're not positive, you are very real, just giving a little suggestion if you ever feel like you can't see the bright side Its amazing how things begin to change when we change our thinking.
    I had to go a step further and get treated for my depression but I tried everything natural to control my thoughts before I went on a mood stabilizer. Just a low dose but enough to help me not waste time on the indescribable mood fluctuations that took my time and energy from me and my family. We sow what we reap so planting gratitude worked better for me than trying to bury the negative. Have a happy Monday! Keep up the good work!
    "Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later."
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  19. #589
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Try not to worry mommy. Just get flash lights and candles ready. I know how the ice is we are in the same boats hat we get ice instead of snow and then city shuts down. Lucky I am just a little south of the storm so we are getting rain and cold weather. Stay warm!!! Xoxoxo
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  20. #590
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Lights already flickered once. Hubby just called from work and says it is just now starting to really come down. Pine limbs are breaking. Everyone is going mad in town.... like Snowmageddon, lol. Buying all the gas and groceries in town. For now, I will just be thankful to be sitting in my warm house. No where else I'd rather be! But seriously, kiddo is giving me a run for my money today! Major meltdown over everything. I think she is stir crazy, too! It's all good though..... just life's little problems, and I'm dealing with it by popping vitamins, Just close my eyes and pretend, lol.

  21. #591
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by butteflylove View Post
    Hey girl, just stopping in to catch up and see hows its going. I noticed you commented on Dave being so positive which he absolutely was. Have you ever heard of fake it til you make it? People tell me how positive I am all the time and I don't feel that way all the time but I figured Ive felt so sad for so long that maybe if I pretended everything was awesome, it would be! But instead of pretending I looked around each day and found 3 things to be grateful for. I usually had more than 3, than I would write them down and look at them when a negative thought crossed my mind. We really do attract what we think about. Im not saying you're not positive, you are very real, just giving a little suggestion if you ever feel like you can't see the bright side Its amazing how things begin to change when we change our thinking.
    I had to go a step further and get treated for my depression but I tried everything natural to control my thoughts before I went on a mood stabilizer. Just a low dose but enough to help me not waste time on the indescribable mood fluctuations that took my time and energy from me and my family. We sow what we reap so planting gratitude worked better for me than trying to bury the negative. Have a happy Monday! Keep up the good work!
    "Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later."
    So great to hear from you butterfly! I have been thinking about you! You are definitely right about having the right outlook. I saw a super cheesy dance movie once, dont even remember the name of it and would never recommend it, but the main character's big line was "If you can change the way you think, you can change your life". I found that to sound very true, then, and I find it even more true now. You are very right, and I am able to be positive most of the time. Sometimes just feels like I have run out of everything..... energy, drive, patience, and positivity. But no doubt, it is mental and at least now I have the tools to try and control it on my own, without a crutch.

    Everyone in my family has struggled with anxiety and depression issues. I was put on several different anxiety meds when I was in college. I could never deal with pressure very well, would have full blown panic attacks over my grades, just struggled dealing with life in general. I was on a mid anti-anxiety med until I got my first beast script.... then I thought, "heck, this miracle medicine is ALL I need!" And early on, it was a dream, before the tolerance builds and there really was no more effect at all, at least not a positive one. I probably do need something to manage anxiety and depression, as I was always on something before the hydros. Not out of the question. Just wondering if my brain even knows the difference anymore. Trying to wait it out but growing tired and weary of the constant feeling anxious.

  22. #592
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy how do you always speak my mind? I have had the anti dep drug in the back of my head as well. I want to ride it out as well to see how I can do on my own and let the brain heal. I am still waiting but it just does not seem normal to have this much anxiety everyday. Really who wakes up with anxiety?? How long do I wait?? It gets old and is old already. I agree with being positive however I actulaly like taking my frustrations out on the board. It sometimes just makes it all better telling everyone about it. I try to be positive and I am by no means an unhappy person but sometimes you have those days. Actually I am doing pretty good today considering the weather. Xoxoxoxo

  23. #593
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I think you and I are just somehow on the same wavelength. I wonder if you have a summer bday? I am fairly sure I will eventually need some sort of treatment for anxiety.... I always had some mild anti-dep prescribed to me before the opiates came into the picture. We are a like in a lot of ways.... We definitely have weather issues in common! So far, so good here at our house power-wise. In town, where the college is, there are widespread power outages. Everything is covered in ice. It sure IS beautiful, but looking ominous at the moment, given I don't want to be without heat, hot food, TV for kiddo, and battery in my phone or ipad! If I disappear, I WILL find a way to post.... somehow I HAVE to! But, just know I have not gone on a pill party! Once(If) we lose power, I will only have what battery is remaining until power comes back. And we are so far out in the country, we will not be top priority to the linemen working to fix power grids. Our nearest neighbor is a mile away.... they will go to the subdivisions first, where more people will be helped sooner. Keeping my hopes up, not gonna stress it bc there is not one darn thing I can do about it! Hubs got home safe from work but says the limbs down everywhere and it looks like a tornado went through. We are watching Beauty and the Beast now and cooking soup. Overall, a decent enough day for me to STAY POSITIVE!

    Hope your project work was minimally stressful! xoxoxox Big Hugs!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-16-2015 at 04:45 PM.

  24. #594
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy I was feeling bad for you with the power now am very concern....lol.....forgot about the juice to the electronics. No worries go the car so you can recharge. Are you on gas so that your heat will still work?? I would take the warm shower now. Keep the battery charged up...just in case!

  25. #595
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Mommy I was feeling bad for you with the power now am very concern....lol.....forgot about the juice to the electronics. No worries go the car so you can recharge. Are you on gas so that your heat will still work?? I would take the warm shower now. Keep the battery charged up...just in case!
    We are on gas, but it is run by an electric heater. No fireplace in the house either.... one of the things I never liked about the house and always planned to renovate.... when we had the money to do so..... never happened for obvious reasons of my being an addict! Bottom line, no power, no nothing. My gas stovetops will work. That is about it. This did give me motivation for today though. I ran the dishes in the dishwasher, did two full loads of laundry (which sweet hubby is now "attempting" to fold correctly ), made a big pot of soup that can be reheated easily on stove, showered and dried my hair just in case its a few days before I get anything but a dry shampoo (braids would be the perfect solution to a couple dirty hair days , though!). I have done more today in fear of losing power than I did in the past two days total, lol. Where ever that motivation may come from, I am not missing out in it. I have been a busy little bee around the house today. Thanks, ice.... for the motivation. And it truly is beautiful outside right now. I still would rather have spring, but understanding the reason for yin and yang

    Plenty of gas in the car so if need be I can charge from there! I will not go MIA on you! My neighbor has a generator, worse case scenario! xoxoxoxoxoxox

  26. #596
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    School already cancelled tomorrow for our entire area. Police are telling everyone to stay off of roads AND interstates. I'm tellin' ya..... when it gets like this around here, people go into true Snowmageddon mode! The world is ending... omg! LOL I just havta laugh.... while my power is still on of course. I'll be crying if it goes out!

  27. #597
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Keep the electronics at full power charged at all times in case . I can't be cut off from you!!! It's ok when you are mia because you are busy......... I know that but to be cut off........ I know how your city is with this weather mine is the exact same way. We don't get snow but ice with not enough equipment to handle the roads. Weather people love it...they kick it into high gear!!!!
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  28. #598
    Lostnscared is offline Junior Member
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    Hello I am also on day two of no oxy and it's so horrible I have been reading this site for a long time and this is my first post... I just want support and I want to talk to other people going through the same thing.. It's sooo horrible legs won't stay still.. I'm a father and a husband and I hate the person I've become.. Taking up to 150-180 mg oxy a day and I'm just sick of it I want to change and be my old self again. I want to be happy with my wife and just go back to the old days. can anyone relate? I'm 25 years old and I have a high paying job at stake AND my family is at stake my wife is threatening to leave and I'm just done with all this I want my LIFE back!

  29. #599
    Iwantoff2013 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lostnscared View Post
    Hello I am also on day two of no oxy and it's so horrible I have been reading this site for a long time and this is my first post... I just want support and I want to talk to other people going through the same thing.. It's sooo horrible legs won't stay still.. I'm a father and a husband and I hate the person I've become.. Taking up to 150-180 mg oxy a day and I'm just sick of it I want to change and be my old self again. I want to be happy with my wife and just go back to the old days. can anyone relate? I'm 25 years old and I have a high paying job at stake AND my family is at stake my wife is threatening to leave and I'm just done with all this I want my LIFE back!
    Hi there. Yes, we can all relate to wanting to be our "old selves" again. I never thought I'd be happy again. I was convinced that I'd permanently messed up my mind by abusing opiates for a decade. At almost 6 months clean, I'm back to my old self (for the most part)! I'm happy again; content without pills. It's an incredible feeling.

    The best thing to do is start your own thread on the Need to Talk board. You'll get lots of support and advice.

    Hang in there and don't look back!
    Kat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-16-2015 at 08:03 PM.
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  30. #600
    Lostnscared is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much! I will do that I am taking a hot shower every 5 minutes that seems to be the only thing that helps I am sure you remember lol.. Thanks again I'm nervous scared depressed and excited to kick this stuff and I can't wait till this is over.. I was worried that I would never be normal again..

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