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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #841
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Sorry for the down day. I think most days I don't make it on the scale. Ditto on what you said...you must be in my mind again. In the mean time I am sending you extra sun beams thru the screen.....reach out and grab them.

  2. #842
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    You got to be to the point where your feeling a noticeable difference every day though arnt you? You would definitely think at over 2months you would be getting real close at feeling back to normal by now.I'm sure it is some lingering p.a.w.s still but your right on the verge of putting everything behind you.Your doing Awesome Mommy! Dont you forget that you have got this your s fighter I can tell by your posts and I can tell you want this really bad and wont be denied no matter what you remind me alot of myself when I made the choice to quit forever 6 months ago.Keep up fighting the great fight your doing and you will be victorious very soon any day now

  3. #843
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Believe me, I m counting the days. But I feel very little difference at 70 days than I did at 30 days. Makes me question what I'm doing this for.

    I envy you for your progress. I really wish my day would come, very very soon. Growing tired of fighting more and more it seems, instead of feeling progressively better.

    Physically, yes I feel better. Mentally, little to no difference. I miss them so much still. Just being honest!!

  4. #844
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I am going to have to agree with you on this one mommy. Don't want to discourage others there is positive, not being a Slave to them, cost, time and effort etc.. From a mental aspect.....hoping our day comes real soon. Just have to keep it honest. I know if we both did not believe it would be better we would mot be at 70 days.

    I see a few sun beams and that is a good thing!!!
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  5. #845
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    Mommy - Sunshine - I am sorry you are having some bad days. You both have done so well. I think this whole thing is hard because no one can predict our peaks and valleys. I think, by reading posts, there are, in fact, quite a few valleys, however, the peaks have to outweigh the valleys, don't they? You have both had some peaks through your journeys that keeps us going. If the short history on this forum repeats itself, you will have better days. You will! I think keeping busy is important. I know for myself, I must plan something for this weekend or I will end up just like I did last weekend--miserable. I wish too, I hate a date where I could say, "it's over, I feel good now." Evidently that is not going to happen--a date certain. Posts of Dave, Catherine, Randy, Cat and countless others assuring us that it does get better is what keeps me going. Stay strong.

  6. #846
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Hope. You seem to be more encouraging at 9 days than we are at 70, haha. We don't mean to lead anyone to think this struggle is not worth it. I am very proud of myself for making it as long as I have, and that pride is the fuel that keeps me going. If I stop now, I will let myself down, I will let my friends here down, and eventually, >> probably end up right back here starting all over again. So, making it this far IS worth it. Just wishing and waiting for some progress. It is happening, just too slowly for me to feel encouraged. But I trust Dave. I have faith that there is indeed a light at the end of this tunnel. I just never realized how long the effin tunnel was. It is taking longer to find the light that I expected. Still counting on Spring to turn the tides for me. I just hope I am not setting myself up for more disappointment. Seems that is all I have gotten from my "goal" so far. Expectations of reward had been letting me down. This is the mental battle of my life, and I am strong enough.... I know that. But even strong Titans grow weary after such a long battle. My friend here help a lot.... actually, they are probably the only reason I've made it this far. I cannot speak enough good things about what this board has done for me, the support is invaluable. I'll make it, I know this. Just have to work on my patience. Digging hard. My day WILL come, right? Right. Hanging tough for today. That's all I have to do.... be strong today. Very proud of all of you that are doing the same. Titans don't give up!
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  7. #847
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hope Said It Very Well....Not Knowing How Your going to feel....the Peaks and Valley's....or what I like to call ....the Waves!!! Don't Buy into the above Post....that You should be Feeling better every Day by Now....That's Not true......I'm Telling You....Good Days.....Bad Days.....I will say this....at 70 Days...it should be getting a bit More even.....That's where I believe for You Crazy Mamma....and You to "Sunbeams"....Your weather......and Sunshine....the Stress of all that Ins. >>>>.....Making it tough On You Two right Now!! This Is the Point where MANY Fail....They Get discouraged....thinking ALL should Be peachy Now....Or at least Most Days....After 10 Plus YEARS of NUMBING the Brain....You are Well on Your Way....Spring....and Sunbeams WILL HELP!!! And Sunshine.....Getting through that Ins. Stuff ...slowly but surely Will also Help YOU!! Keep talking ladies....I know your discouraged....But....I know You are Sooo Close....Take a trip out to Calif....See TIGGER!!!.......I hope and Pray You Two sleep Well tonight....and wake Up with a bit less stress.....and a Feeling of Hope....that the corner is in sight!! Stay Strong Just to the End of This Day!! .xoxo...Tomorrow is another chance to Feel Better.....Cyber Hugs Titans!!...Keep Digging....I am Say'in Extra Prayers for U Tonight!!.xoxo
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  8. #848
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Dave I know you are correct and I really really needed those words at this moment. Mommy nailed the hammer with her words. I know I do better on the weekends and with the sun. It is so hard to have a good day then to swing complete opposite. It's cruel!! Yes this project is like a very very dark black cloud over me. Hopefully I will just get through it just have to accept it. Thank you for the post. By no means am I giving up on my journey even on my bad pain days.....which are getting better at times like I said before the pain meds did not help any so it's not allot different from when I was taking them. Can't use the same med for years and expect them to work the same.

    I just get scared that perhaps my journey has me in a tunnel in which they forgot to finish. I just like to see what I have in front of me and the dark is no fun when you love the sun. As always one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Today I am working helping with the pet rescue yard sale so that will be good. Have a good day all!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-11-2015 at 07:36 AM.
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  9. #849
    Lalalimbo123 is offline Member
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    Good morning sad happy crazy momasita

    I'm praying you are having a better day and the anxiety gets better for you! Of all the things that get me every time...it's the nervousness and and sadness and of course the pain. Our mind is so powerful. If only we could give it a snap or zap with something other than a damn pill!! Take it easy my friend. Thanks for being support to me as well! I feel like for the first time in my life I have people who actually care, I have friends....lol. It may sound pathetic, but it's true. I think of you all throughout the day! Prayers are with all of you!

    It's a "take it easy" mind of morning! Music is my therapy as well!

    Much love,
    Lala
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  10. #850
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Goodnight mommy!! I am exhausted and am hoping for a good nights rest for both if us. Xoxoxo big hugs yor way

  11. #851
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hope Your Day went alright Crazy Mamma...Not Like You to skip a Day Posting....But....It's all good....As long as it doesn't happen too often!!! I'll send this Purple haired Girl from California out their to Get You!!...Sweet Dreams Crazy Mamma...Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo

  12. #852
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Well, I made it here before the day ended! Better late than never, right???

    I woke up this morning mind set on NOT sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Went to the gym, then just decided to hit the road with Hubby and kiddo. Just going to find something fun to do. I literally have spent probably 95% of the last week inside this house. It was time to take a hiatus. We went to the children's museum. I have to say I got pretty stressed and anxious, just with it being busy and kiddo being super super excited, running everywhere. I had to dig to get it done, but I enjoyed seeing her so happy. Then, we went to dinner and to the mall whee there is a merry-go-round (of course we had to ride about 10 times.... I am still dizzy). Kiddo had a gift certificate to the Disney store, so she got to do a little shopping herself. Also, went to the vitamin store and got my PS and GABA. I figure it's worth a shot!

    Sorry for being so late giving an update. I was just trying to turn the day around and not think about what I am still so badly missing. Motivation. Energy. Even though I stayed busy today, doing things that should be nothing but fun, I still struggle so much with anxiety that I have to force myself to enjoy it. I was stressed all day, just getting better and pushing it to the side, at least temporarily.

    So, all in all day 72 WAS better than 70 or 71. I am glad I didn't just sit around. Now to address my Dave P assignment: Give something I am grateful for. I did start a list in a notebook. Today, I am grateful for 72 days strong. I am grateful that it makes me proud to be 72 days strong. And I am grateful for my friend and followers on this board who have pushed me though the bad days, so I could actually make it to 72 days strong. Bring on day 73!

    Love to all. xoxoxox
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-11-2015 at 11:33 PM.
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  13. #853
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice Job...Thanks For that wonderful Goodnight Post Crazy Mamma!! And You did Your assignment as well!! Very Proud of You....and Glad You got out....and Pushed through the day...To have some Fun....even if it was a struggle at times!! I bet the Little Cutie Kiddo was A Very happy little Girl!! Nice Job Mommy on Day 72!! Sleep well....Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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  14. #854
    Lalalimbo123 is offline Member
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    Stay strong momasita! You rocking this girl! To hear you pushing through with your sweet baby girl is amazing! I bet she was on cloud nine @ the Disney store! My little missy would be singing girls just wanna have fun...while I'm thinking let it go!!!! Keep it up momma!! Lots of thoughts and hugs my friend!


    Much love
    Lala

  15. #855
    Lalalimbo123 is offline Member
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    This also brought me back to this past Christmas. We went to Disney. Me, being me, always takes the biggest and hardest task as a soldier and crumble to pieces on the easiest. I decided we was going to take the drive....14 hours...after coming back from a 20 hr across the country drive, 40 hours total, 3 days before...trip without my meds. I wanted to experience this with my children without being looped up and dependent. Whoa momma. I did it. I stayed 42 days without it. I was in horrific pain, but did it. I only used my wheels 1 of the 5 days. Anyway, determined not to use my chair or my meds and while going to see the princesses and watching my little princess get the royal treatment while not on my meds was so amazing! I felt like a good mother for once. I thought to myself, this day forward, I was going to try my damnedest, not to take this awful medication. I evidently ended up caving a month later. Since then I feel like a failure. I pray for you to have solace in having those special moments with her not being medicated. I sometimes feel like I don't have a choice. The feeling of being so sad about living my life this way hurts in a way I can't describe. I don't want to have to live like this. I don't want to be in physical pain. I want to be normal. I want to have control over my body. I want to be free! Free as a bird! Enough of my self pity! I hope you are enjoying your day & see yourself through your daughters eyes! Your amazing!

    Much love
    Lala

  16. #856
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks for all the support Lala. I struggle every day wondering if I am actually a better mother now. I used to be ready to play, paint, playdoh, go to the park.... anything she wanted to do, I was ready to go when I took the meds. Now, I feel like everything is a chore, and I hate myself for feeling like that. I get up and do what Mommy is supposed to do, but it just seems like I shouldn't have to dig so hard. I should enjoy it more. And I DO enjoy being with her, more than anything in the world, I just have such a short fuse for everything. Just her natural 3 year old behavior can send me into a near panic attack sometimes. I know in the long run, this is going to be better for her. But sometimes I do feel like I am worse at giving her attention now than I was before. I worry that I am just acting sick and depressed, now during the cutest and most fun years of her life. She is my angel, brightens the worst of days, yet she is still three, and she is very demanding and exhausting as well. It is a struggle, but I am still hanging on. Just wishing to feel HAPPY about these little things again real soon.

  17. #857
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi mommy!!! Just wanted to give you and your board lots and lots of love for a wonderful mommy! I really really think the 120 day mark is our time. I wish it was the 90 day but it's not but we are over halfway to our time. We will be there soon!!! The best part about it is we get to do it together. I do wish this road was shorter.....should have taken the interstate. Xoxo
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  18. #858
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice Post Sunshine.....Actually.....Try Not to pin it to any Certain Day....Just Keep Digging.....and soon....You will just stop one Day.....and Say....hmmmmm......I hadn't really noticed....But....This is starting to be Much better....My days are getting easier....the digging hasn't seemed as Tough Lately??? It Just Happens....Exactly when that is...??? Different for everyone....Just keep as Positive as Possible......Stay Grateful...For Even the Smallest things.....And I KNOW You Titans are gonna Be singing Happy Songs....So Very Soon!! I am Extremely Grateful for You Crazy Mamma....and your Two Side-Kicks...."Beams" and that "TIG" too!! Sleep well...and Look forward to talking with you ALL Tomorrow!!...Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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  19. #859
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Dave, as always, for being here to say the right things. I have struggled today. Missed out on a phone chat with two real special ladies. Needing desperately to see the sun one of these days. But your posts always make me feel like anything is possible. We are already singing happy songs.... we are just throwing a few extra expletives in to them where they may not usually belong . Some days finding that gratitude is harder than others. But tomorrow is a new day. And I hope you wake up feeling much, much better! xoxo CM
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  20. #860
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good morning mommy. Have a special day today. Please find some time for you. I will have a busy day which is good and hopefully the anxiety will let up. A few more days and you will be back to your routine and all will be better.

    Dave I would like to not put a time frame on things as I know it only leads to disappointment but I need it to start turning in my direction on a little more consistent basis. I just don't want to have to dig so hard everyday. Want anxiety to go away. I am strong but need things to get easier other wise my hole I am digging is going to start to hit rocks and sentiment maybe water...mommy can give us the lesson on what's there after I start running out of dirt. Thank you for the post. Are you still having sun in the NW? Xoxoxo
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  21. #861
    loden13 is offline New Member
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    im pretty new to this sight,but reading that others are going thru the same things that i am and that it DOES get better helps me alot.im only 23 days without an oxycontin-after taking 80-120 mg. a day for 10 years-and i feel like im never going to be normal again.its a little discouraging to know that i can still feel this way at 70 days!!i got about a weeks worth of saboxen from a friend and was feeling pretty good.im out now and it seems like its starting all over again.barely slept because of body aches and INTENSE leg pain.my question is should i seek out more saboxen or is that just delaying the process??
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-13-2015 at 07:30 AM.

  22. #862
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Ioden I don't know about the sub the best thing you can do is start your own thread and others will chime in with support and help. Please please don't let our journey discourage you. Everyone is different some have it easier than others and you don't know until you try. I can tell you it is hard work and the wds do go away and then the mental battle begins so you will need to be strong. It does get better and anything is better than being a slave to pills. It is a win win situation and time shall pass and we will come out ahead by not going back. There is only one way and it is up so no matter how rough it is we are better off than we were before. Mommy and I are very impatient so our idea is to be 100% a month ago. We did not get this way overnight and will not heal overnight. It is so much better and I would not turn back even on my very rough days. Stay strong and post it helps. Did you get any of the items on the thomas receipe as that will help with wds.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-13-2015 at 08:26 AM.
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  23. #863
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by loden13 View Post
    im pretty new to this sight,but reading that others are going thru the same things that i am and that it DOES get better helps me alot.im only 23 days without an oxycontin-after taking 80-120 mg. a day for 10 years-and i feel like im never going to be normal again.its a little discouraging to know that i can still feel this way at 70 days!!i got about a weeks worth of saboxen from a friend and was feeling pretty good.im out now and it seems like its starting all over again.barely slept because of body aches and INTENSE leg pain.my question is should i seek out more saboxen or is that just delaying the process??
    Hi loden. I would for sure start your own thread where you will get tons of support and answers.
    IMO I would skip the subs and keep counting days. Try Hylands for restful legs, melatonin for sleep, hot baths for the leg pain and ibuprofen or Krill oil. Also magnesium cream can really soothe aching muscles and bones.
    Try not to get discouraged as everyone's bidy and brain heal differently. Stay hydrated and power through. You don't want another day 1!

    Tiger
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  24. #864
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Morning mommy! Just want to say hi and tell you that you are an awesome mom (on the boards and at home) you ARE doing a great job staying away from the Beast!!!!! Everytime he whispers in your ear just tell him to back The F off.... Lace up your boxing gloves and knock him out!!
    Hope your day is better today then yesterday, will be thinking if you and
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  25. #865
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TigerLily32 View Post
    Morning mommy! Just want to say hi and tell you that you are an awesome mom (on the boards and at home) you ARE doing a great job staying away from the Beast!!!!! Everytime he whispers in your ear just tell him to back The F off.... Lace up your boxing gloves and knock him out!!
    Hope your day is better today then yesterday, will be thinking if you and
    Blah! Fat fingers always his post!!!!!

    Wil be thinking of you and sunshine.... Dave also for a good day; free of the beast!
    Song of the day "Eye of the Tiger" Hahaaa
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  26. #866
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    Sunshine & Mommy have either of you or are you taking 5 HTP , L-Tyrosine, Magnesium and daily Multi Vitamin. I really credit taking these daily supplements on helping my brain bounce back quicker and start firing those natural endorphins up again.

  27. #867
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Quick Drop by on Your Thread this Morning Crazy But Strong Hot Mamma....( How's that work for ya..)...Hope Your Friday Goes alright...Look forward to chatting with a few of You Wonderful titans later!! Keep Pushing Mamma....and Sunshine.....You won't run out of Dirt...keep that Music Volume Up....Smile at someone Today....Do One Nice thing for Someone Today....Anything....Hold the door open for them....Just a Simple .." Have a Nice Day to a Total Stranger"....and I am Grateful for My New Cyber IG Friends.....who would have thought??? I love You Gals...Make My day Just that Much Better....Very Grateful for that!! Stay Strong Just For Today CSHotMamma!!..xoxo...Ps...Love the dancing in the Mud....If that doesn't make a person Smile....well....I'm Very Sorry for them.....Whoot...Whoot....Weekend.....
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  28. #868
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi all. Thanks to everyone for the love and kind words. I am dig dig digging. The weather is not my friend.... actually has not been my friend for quite some time now. Crazy how you take the little things like sunshine for granted when they are around. And also just plain feeling good, I used to take for granted. Now, there are few things I would not give up for either one of those two to cross my path.

    I have fought ALL day to have this semi-free moment to post, so I will get right to the point. No one, Imean NO ONE, earlier on in this battle need be discouraged by my having a run of down days. It really has a lot to do with my not staying busy, not getting out enough, feeling trapped inside. Sure, I am past 70 days, but how long did I take the pills daily? Waaaaaaay longer than 70 days. I have good days, some really good, but they are usually when I am out and about, staying busy and feeling productive. This run of snow days that cancelled school, then spring break immediately following, where it has been sunny "maybe" a half a day in the last 2 weeks, these are all contributing factors to my feeling down. When I get sad like this, I just want to disappear into a little hole. But I will come back out eventually. And down in my little hiding hole, there are NO PILLS. So, it might not be the happiest little hole, but it is a safe and strong one. Sometimes even a Titan needs to play hide and seek.

    I have a million things to be thankful for, one of which is this precious mud dancing princess. However, she is also the reason I have literally zero time to even take a breath. At this very moment she is trying to beat the keyboard bc it is getting my attention instead of her. So, I must cut this attempt at posting to friend shorter than I intended, Must go have a bit of a talk and a time out with a very very strong minded three year old.

    I have not meant to be absent, I have not fallen off the wagon, and I have support from some really, really, REALLY great phone friends that is giving me hope, even though I have yet to have any me time to actually speak to them. I love you guys. I am still a Titan. Just a stressed and weary one. Just wait til I get my routine back, and this blahness from me is going to turn right back around. Stay tuned. The happy is coming.... Dave says so............... xoxox to all. Stay strong y'all!

  29. #869
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    That's right You Crazy Hot Mamma!!...Those Happier Days are coming....and good for You....For taking on a little bit of the responsibility for some of the Blah Days....But...I know you'll be getting out More when you have Some more of those wonderful "Sunbeams"....It's just a No Brainer.....Right!! I know our Brains are trying to heal....and learn to run on there Own....Which for many of US....That has been a Very Long Time Ago.....But.....Being Happy is an Inside Job....I have had to learn....and it's not easy....But....I always tried to fill My Empty Hole inside with Stuff.....after quitting the drugs and alcohol...I thought Retiring would make Me happy Forever.....The New Car......The Gorgeous Girlfriend/Wife......Money.....I have learned...From Meetings....Some time....and others....That...All that STUFF is just temporary.....Happiness Comes From the inside....Our feelings....Doing things for others....Feeling Good about Ourselves....Like being in Shape....our Health.....As our Brains Heal....and We Learn that STUFF isn't what makes Us Happy....Or keeps us Happy....Volunteering....Like My "Sunbeams" does a lot of....those kinds of things WILL help make You Happy.....In My experience and opinion....Hope your Sleeping well Crazy Mamma....Sunshine....TIGGER!! Stay Strong Just For Today...Happy Weekend Titans!!..xoxo

  30. #870
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy dig dig dig. We only have a one or two more days of this rain and clouds and the sun will be shining goodness down on us. I know things will start to get better when your routine returns. I am so thankful for our meeting it helped me so much. I feel more normal that knowing what I am feeling is like othres. I almost have a peace knowing I am not the only one. You were so strong yesterday and I am so proud of you. I know getting thru this week was not easy but you have done it!!!!! Lots of love to you!!! Xoxoxo
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