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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #61
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Eyenstyne- how are you today?

  2. #62
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    mommy......What were you thinking!!!!!!.....not cleaning the Cinderella shirt!!!!!!!.....lol
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  3. #63
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I know , I know!

    I'm currently washing every princess shirt this child owns! Fatigued, depressed, and not at all wanting to do laundry, but ensuring that tomorrow kiddo WILL be whichever princess she needs to be!!!!! Motivation at its finest!

  4. #64
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Wondering where u are eye. I'm not in the least worried about you resetting that counter, but I am worried about your mindset in general. Harsh drs orders, I get it. If you need support, im already vibing it to wherever you are.

  5. #65
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Sadmommy13....Thank You for the kind words on MY thread....I had to find Yours....and catch up on what your story was....is...WOW!!! What a Powerful first few pages....You say I'm helping people....Well....after reading YOUR story....or should I say Journey so far......Your breaking Free from the bondage of the BEAST story!! Gave ME chills reading it!! I'm telling You guys....Everyone of US posting from Day ONE to where WE are Now is Sooo Inspirational to anyone reading out their in Cyber space!! I can Only say Congrats On YOUR awesome Courage...Willingness.....and Strength to get to this point!! Your doing a Great Job....and I love seeing all the wonderful Support Your getting from all these Great People on here!! It would be Nice to be able to respond to everyone writing threads on here, but...that is nearly impossible...So, next best thing is keeping YOUR thread VERY active....as YOU have Been doing!! That in itself is Helping Many already Sadmommy13.....You won't be Sadmommy for Long.....YOU will Be a Much Happier Mommy before You know it!! Like you said on one of YOUR posts...I Used to have confidence, and walk with my head High....Before the BEAST got ahold Of ME!! Well Mommy, You are doing it again....and YES....there will be Ups and downs....The reason many don't succeed in this journey is LACK of Patience....Stay Focused.....be Vigilant....and Stay Strong Mommy13!!..Reverence...Find the sacred in all life...and feel more connected to your Higher Power! We find that when we Let Go and have respect for the sacredness of life, miracles happen that can be nothing short of Breath-taking!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-08-2015 at 02:29 AM. Reason: spelling error
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  6. #66
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you Dave. It means a lot that you'd go back and read my journey thus far. The support on this forum is what's kept me hanging on, even if by the tiniest thread imaginable. This is a mental battle like none other I've ever known. I go back and read my initial posts, as conpAred to now, and I do see the progress. I am truly encouraged by it. However, I thought once physically I felt better, things would be easier than they are. I'm still hopeful, determined, fighting for my freedom, but my mind is really a price of work. I'm screwing my own self out of the pride I should feel at reaching DAY 10! I do feel proud. I truly do. But the mind game is intense.... Truly. You've really gotta want this to see light on the other side from this point. The encouragement if my friends here is powerful too, though. Mind over matter. I ain't goin back. But Lord knows my mind still thinks I should. Battle of my life right here!
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  7. #67
    Nanette50 is offline Banned
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    You're inspiring many people to be sure. Ten days, WOW. im proud and happy for you. Keep looking ahead because one day all this confusion and discomfort will be gone.

    Do you have any Xanax? It really helps to calm you and to sleep.

  8. #68
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I had enough Valium to take 2 each day the first 5 days. Nothing except vitamins, Imodium, OTC stuff since day 5.

    I'm sleeping in spurts. I'll get a couple hours then toss & turn, wait for a couple more hours. Drinking sleepy time tea & NyQuil before bed. I can't complain too much about the sleeping, as it is far better than in the beginning, but I'm mental mess! Now I wish for Valium or xanex just fir my nerves. But I made sure to get only a few benzos, though i do wish >> stocked a few more.

  9. #69
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I had a good day until my son had a second panic attack this week and had to get him from school. After that the day went down. I will be so happy when the day comes when this does not play a role and you just go about life like life is.

  10. #70
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Sunshine- I hope your son is ok. I have always dealt with anxiety issues, too much pressure on myself, never seeing the positive. Drs started putting me on anxiety meds basically when I started puberty--- um, maybe a teenage girl should be emotional?? Anyway, off track. Just pointing out that I can relate. I was always very successful in school but very stressed over it as well . Funny now that I still just go to school everyday- opposite side of the podium but never could let go of school. It's a lot do pressure. I hope he's feeling better now, and that you are too.

  11. #71
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Light man- how are you doing? Thanks for all if the suggestions. Took advantage of all I could to lead me out. Hope you are well

  12. #72
    Nanette50 is offline Banned
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    Mommy, how are ya today? I assume you're probably working, but TGIF. I hope you find some peaceful moments this weekend, and that things are getting easier. You are doing such a wonderful thing for both yourself and your precious little family. I'm thinking and praying for you, and all the others taking this leap of faith.

  13. #73
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I won't take him to a dr for this as all they will do is push drugs and when they aren't enough it will be another than your hooked. They throw meds way to easy... He's already on vyvanse. Does that make me wrong?? I gave him a vitamin that helps with anxiety. It's only one class...started over girl breaking up w him...now he is panic over having another attack. He did better today. I met him at school to give him the vitamin before class and I think placebo plus all the advice he read up on it helped. As a mother it is heart wrenching. It's in his chem class and the teacher really likes him and is so supportive. Yesterday his attack was so bad he fell to the floor and could not get up. I think it is harder for smart kids. He has such a hard time fitting in, no condidence. I know he puts pressure on his schoolwork as well. To be so gifted...but not fit in. I can't imagine how Einstein felt. I am so glad you understand, it helps.

    On the bright side having a good day all in all.
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  14. #74
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Whoa. It was a rough day. Stayed very busy with advisement & registering students, which was good for me mentally. But I have either uti or bladder infection, something related to that. I've been drinking lots of water , but could it be too many vitamins? It's the first time I'm dealing with legit pain since being numb no more. It's bearable, I'm trying not to complain, but I still just can't catch a break it seems. Finally starting to feel physically better (day 11!), yet another whammy! Feeling at the end of a very thin rope. Don't wanna go to the doc bc I'm honestly scared of what I'll do if he gives me the script. I don't really want one, but that demon on my shoulder is not gone yet, not sure I'm strong enuf to turn it down yet. Drinking cranberry juice & hoping for the best. Hurts though , and I've always hated to hurt ! Such a weakling!

    Now fighting starts back with hubs. I hate this. Frustrated, I know he is. But he doesn't understand what it feels like to have weak willpower & anxiety. He thinks I should be like.... Well. By now. And I'm not, 11 days us a lot but I have such a mental battle going on. Super busy today so I used up all my ">>>>" happy & was just plain out of positivity when I got home. I'm sure I took it out on him, but he said some harsh stuff- about my " journey"- that hits below the belt at the moment. I know he doesn't understand. But doesn't make the hurt any less on my end, hard enuf to see positive thru my eyes right now as is.

  15. #75
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Sunshine- I think you are in the right got avoiding more meds dosed to your son. I fully believe that I was trained from a young age that meds fix everything. Not that my situation isn't my fault, I think drs are too quick to write that script, and I think $$$ with phaaceutical companies are the motivation. The more we believe we need them, the more we depend on them.... And kinda give up on our own ability to hold tough. Given each situation is different, I know I was taught that a pill fixes things. True.... For some naturally strong minded folks, but not true for everyone !

    I sure hope he continues to feel better. I really, really, really. Can relate to the panic attacks- I've always had them. People who don't ever experience it don't see how real they are. I feel for him. I hope he's doing ok.

    So glad to hear you had a good day, besides the sadness if having your child in pain. I can only imagine, with my kiddo only being 3, how I'd feel if she was heartbroken. & panicked. I worry daily I am turning her into a "me". She's truly a brilliant 3yr old, higher scores in her preschool than some if the 5 yr olds. I worry about what bad genes came along with the good genes, that's he inherited from me. Pros & cons I guess. But I can understand the worry on mom's end. Sending good vibes your way.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-09-2015 at 10:31 PM. Reason: Typo

  16. #76
    Nanette50 is offline Banned
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    This too shall pass! It's day eleven and you're still maintaining. Anyone who hasn't had an addiction like this could never understand, we just have to give tem a lttle leeway. Sorry bout the uti thing. I hope it clears up soon.

  17. #77
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    The Uti I swear is part of it. Others may disagree but I read on some other post where women got them. I had three during my taper. Take the uristat otc. No the hubbies don't get it. My husband is allot like yours in the fact that he does not get it. The mental thing is way beyond him. Remember this will pass and pick your battles with hubby. But I know too well that when its not good with hubby it is million times harder....temporary taking your rock away. Remember they will have their bad days as well.

    I am tired of this whole thing....,just plain tired. I swore the pain meds did not help w pain before but I really think they did. I tough it out because if I don't try then I won't know how good it can actually be.

    I hope it's not going around and sunshine 1974 is still beaming strong. Sunshine you need to have really good days and pass it on to us along with jaa. Let us know how wonderful it is.

  18. #78
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Sunshine we are feeling exactly the same way. I'm so tired of this roller coaster. I'm glad to know the uti thing is probably normal. Hubs wanted me to go to the dr today, but I really can't yet. I know I can't. I am strong for making it to day 12, but I am weakened from the battle. What a battle it is.

    Today is hubs birthday. I'm gonna try try try to make this a good day. I feel like mental >>>> & would love to just feel happy today. I'm gonna try my best to have more sunshine to share with all soon'

  19. #79
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I didn't really think that was a bad word! Sorry!

    One more thing: when people here just disappear, stop posting altogether , do u think that mean they gave up?

  20. #80
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Do you read my mind??? I was wondering what happened to some as well. I think it depends like nomorehydro I have not seem him lately but I really think he had. If I stop posting for more than 3 days....I felll off the wagon. I stay real close to this board. For me it keeps me accountable I am a very very honest person and I just would feel so wrong telling you and sunshine to keep pushing and not following my same advice. Call it my aa.. I just want the day to come when I feel normal again and it's not there and you don't think about it.

    We are celebrating my nephews bd at my house and have family over in a bit. So I will keep busy today as well. I was just takinfg a break from trying to clean the house and get stuff together. Usually do that with pills and back is starting to hurt. It was great to see your post....it will keep me going today. Stay strong!!!! Use the otc meds if it does not clear up in a few days I have used old leftover antibiotics before. Not suppose to but I did. Don't understand it with as much water as I had going thru my system.

  21. #81
    gottidog is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    I didn't really think that was a bad word! Sorry!

    One more thing: when people here just disappear, stop posting altogether , do u think that mean they gave up?
    No, that isn't always the case... Some people just move on and actually start living their lives. It's not good to dwell on the past most of the time and coming back to the boards may bring up painful memories for some after being clean for a few months. In my case, my posting has slowed down because I simply just don't have much to say on my thread. Things are going great and my life is pretty boring to write about... mainly just spending time with my family and enjoying life, so far. A lot of people come to the boards to get through the tough times, like i did, and it helped tremendously but once it's over... it's time for some to move on. I, personally, will probably keep checking in every once in a while just to bump my thread to the top and give an update that i'm still doing great, so that my thread could possibly help one more person.

  22. #82
    briards is offline New Member
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    Sad mommy, which sleep aids did you use that worked? I am preparing ahead of time before I start my taper and the lack of sleep is very scary for me. I hope that time flies by for you.

  23. #83
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Briards- I stocked enough Valium only to have 2 per day for the first 5 days. Since then, I've used sleepy time tea & sparing doses of NyQuil. I'm sleeping quite well now on day 12. Mentally not feeling right, taking vitamin b and l-theanine as well.

  24. #84
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I only take the vitamins in the morning though. The b vit can make sleeping harder if taken too late in the day.

  25. #85
    briards is offline New Member
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    Thanks for the sleeping advice, I really appreciate it. Good on ya for the tough work you are doing.
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  26. #86
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I'm late having a chance to write back but stayed very busy today, which was good. Tomorrow is lucky day #13! (I was born on a Friday 13th so I've always said that's good luck instead of bad).

    Lots of family here for bday get together. My hubs has 4sisters & 15 nieces & nephews, from 20 to 4, So even the smallest event is large in number. But I did okay.... I won't say greAt, few times got real panicky & sweaty. Haven't been around these folks sober in long time, so I was anxious. But a semi normal me showed up eventually. It was ok. It's a hard transition back to the life of the feeling kinda living. But I'm 13 days thru this battle, that's near 2 weeks. I'm feeling prouder by the day. It ain't easy yet, but I can tell I'm getting different, better. We'll see what tomorrow brings! Hope there's been some good in everybody's day today. Titans. That's what we are!
    Love to all,
    "Semi-happy"mommy13
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  27. #87
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Keep fighting the fight Semi-happy Mommy.....Listening to you and Sunsine....I know the feeling of....Is this REALLY worth it??? IT IS.....BELIEVE ME....the mental part You two are going thru right Now....WE all have been their....That's why YOU need to KEEP posting, and talking out your feelings!! NO...The Husbands don't get it.....Nobody get's it....except US addicts....That's why WE NEED EACH OTHER!! It's late, and I'm not feeling too hot, but had to chime in....Keep YOUR heads UP...the BEAST wants YOU back....Don't give in...You guys/gals are doing Great!!! Ups and Downs....but....More UPS will be coming....Stay PROUD!! This isn't Easy....BUT....Sooo worth it!! Stay Strong Semi-Happy....Soon to be Happier...Mommy!!
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  28. #88
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Dave thank you. I needed that encouragement. Facing another busy family day- bday get together brought about plans for football get together today. I barely made it thru last night, feeling weary to go thru it all again all day today. I know I could back out, just say I'm sick , but alone in the house all day doesn't sound good either. I can't deny that today- I want a crutch. I'm so weakened from this battle. Fighting still & no intentions of going backwards. But needing strength to show up soon.
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  29. #89
    Maggie1976 is offline Member
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    I just wanted to say to you how much I admire your strength. I really wish that I could do the same thing. I am completely terrified of the WD. I have not been in full blown WD but I have had a taste and even a taste is too much for me to bear especially while caring for my 4 yr old son. He is very hard to handle very hyper active so I feel very trapped. It is nice to hear that you are doing this and it is possible , I just read your thread last night and I am rooting for you. Very proud of you. Never give up , I would do anything to be in your shoes right now, you have made it to a point that I feel is impossible for me right now. I am so happy for you
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  30. #90
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maggie1976 View Post
    I just wanted to say to you how much I admire your strength. I really wish that I could do the same thing. I am completely terrified of the WD. I have not been in full blown WD but I have had a taste and even a taste is too much for me to bear especially while caring for my 4 yr old son. He is very hard to handle very hyper active so I feel very trapped. It is nice to hear that you are doing this and it is possible , I just read your thread last night and I am rooting for you. Very proud of you. Never give up , I would do anything to be in your shoes right now, you have made it to a point that I feel is impossible for me right now. I am so happy for you


    Hey Maggie - I read your other post that explained your situation. I assure you it can be done IF you truly WANT IT bad enough. You have to want it more than anything else in the world. That's where you begin.

    Next why not make a new thread for yourself so that you can receive the support and suggestio ns as many have received. I would suggest putting your new thread in the Need to Talk part of the forum. That section receives much more traffic than mosy any other I believe. You'll be amazed at the amount of support you'll receive I promise!

    Go to the main page and find the Need to Talk section listed with all the others. Click on it. NEar the top left you'll see a link box that reads something like "begin new thread" or close to that. Just click on it, put a title on it, and maybe copy and paste that other post as your opening remarks. Then the comments will begin arriving. It's nice to have a thread of your own to use as a journal to track your progress if getting off is your goal. I hope to see you there soon! Take care.

    -Randy

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