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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #871
    Lalalimbo123 is offline Member
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    Oh mommy! My thoughts are with you! You've come very far and I understand how hard this is especially not having a minute to take time for you! I'm grateful you have a tremendous amount of support! I pray to find that somehow someway! Keep trying your best to power through these tough times! You Titan you!!

    Much love
    Lala

  2. #872
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi to all! Sorry for being MIA from the board yesterday. It was a really down day so I tried to keep from spreading it. Just needed a mini break, the weather has really been depressing me, basically it rained my entire spring break how fun. But today I will share the sunbeams! It is sunny and near 70 degrees. Crazy that a week ago Evetything was covered in snow, high of like 15 degrees. But never mind all that today.... The sun gods have shines upon me. Day 76 is decent so far.

    Heading to a bday party with family. Will keep busy today but potential beast hazard. But I'll be back later to tell u how easy it was, just a stone for a stepper.... No worries bc Team Titan needs me! Staying strong, everyone else do the same!
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  3. #873
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Well, I made it here before the day ended! Better late than never, right???

    I woke up this morning mind set on NOT sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Went to the gym, then just decided to hit the road with Hubby and kiddo. Just going to find something fun to do. I literally have spent probably 95% of the last week inside this house. It was time to take a hiatus. We went to the children's museum. I have to say I got pretty stressed and anxious, just with it being busy and kiddo being super super excited, running everywhere. I had to dig to get it done, but I enjoyed seeing her so happy. Then, we went to dinner and to the mall whee there is a merry-go-round (of course we had to ride about 10 times.... I am still dizzy). Kiddo had a gift certificate to the Disney store, so she got to do a little shopping herself. Also, went to the vitamin store and got my PS and GABA. I figure it's worth a shot!

    Sorry for being so late giving an update. I was just trying to turn the day around and not think about what I am still so badly missing. Motivation. Energy. Even though I stayed busy today, doing things that should be nothing but fun, I still struggle so much with anxiety that I have to force myself to enjoy it. I was stressed all day, just getting better and pushing it to the side, at least temporarily.

    So, all in all day 72 WAS better than 70 or 71. I am glad I didn't just sit around. Now to address my Dave P assignment: Give something I am grateful for. I did start a list in a notebook. Today, I am grateful for 72 days strong. I am grateful that it makes me proud to be 72 days strong. And I am grateful for my friend and followers on this board who have pushed me though the bad days, so I could actually make it to 72 days strong. Bring on day 73!

    Love to all. xoxoxox
    Hey girl, Just watched a ted talk when running on the treadmill. Im sure you could youtube it. The speaker is
    Kelly McGonigal and the Ted talk is called: Make stress your friend.
    It was pretty interesting. Made me realize how the feelings of anxiety can be transformed to help us rise to the occasion.
    COngrats on this huge accomplishment in your life!
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  4. #874
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Crazy Mamma....Just dropped by real quick to show you some Love.....So You and Miz "Beams" are Both Going to Birthday Parties Today??...Glad Your Both Getting the Sun I sent from here....Cuz it's definitely GONE!! Back to Good old N.W. Rain for Now....But...Am Grateful for the wonderful weather we've had!! Hope Your Party is a Good Time...and Maybe TTyL....??? Stay Strong Just For Today CHM!!..xoxo

  5. #875
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    Mommy - hope you are having a better day today. Sounds like your weather is beautiful. Tomorrow, your routine starts. I know for me, it makes a big difference. I am thinking for you too? You are doing great, Mommy. 76 days clean from the beast is awesome.
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  6. #876
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Just a quick day 76 summary before bed. I am emotionally spent at best. I will try to make a long story short. Through doing favors for others, I ended up with the beast in my hand tonight. I actually almost had it on my lips. But I called in my troops (aka sunshine) and the end result was a flush. I will not sugar coat things and say it was a piece of cake.... That flush hurt. Pretty bad. But not as much as I would've been hurt by the alternative. I got talked off of the ledge by my board friends. And I did the flush. I cried. I pouted. But I stayed strong. If I can, anyone can. Go team Titans. Xoxoxo
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  7. #877
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Crazy Mamma....That is Beyond Fantastic!! Thanks you Sooo Much for sharing that with Everyone!! What You Did Today is One of...if Not the hardest things for US addicts to Do!!!....In a situation like that..... In which You were put in Today!! Most....Would have thrown them down before THINKING about the End result....Which would have been.....Guilt.....Shame......Well....Let's just say....MOST of Us....after Putting together 70 plus days...Like You and "Sunbeams" have Done.....By Talking......Fighting.....Clawing......Struggling. .....Crying......and Dig.....Dig......Dig.......Dig......Digging....wou ld have just felt awful.....Speaking from Experience....I have done that Way too many times.....And For some reason....I am Lucky enough to have made it back One last time....I say Last time....Because I don't believe I have another Day ONE in Me!! And that's were You would have been....upon waking in the Morning....You'd have had a couple choices....Neither one Very Good.....One....You could have just started up Your Old Life....of Using the Monster BEAST again.....and Believe Me....It wouldn't have been any Fun....or good......OR....You could have Hopefully come Clean with US....and Started Over Your Counter.....All because of a Couple Pills....that would have given You...Only a Small amount of checking out time.....Believe Me....The good feeling....If You would have gotten One at All..( Because of the Guilt you'd have felt.....at least I hope you'd have felt) would have been so Tiny.....Anyway....You get My Point!!! What YOU Did Was exactly What they tell You to Do in Meetings....Call Someone......That is Why having a Support Group.....A Team Surrounding You....TITAN'S....Is So Important!! Thank Goodness Sunshine was available...But I know You have other sources....Of HELP....To get ahold Of....In situations Like that!! I just want everyone reading this......To take Note of How You handled this situation....which could have turned Out So Wrong....and for so Little......As WE Walk down this Path.....or Journey....There will Be Tests....Like this One.....We WILL be Tested By the BEAST!! And I am So Thrilled.....as Hard as It May Have Been for You....Crazy Mamma.....Thrilled that YOU were Strong Enough to Get ahold of Sunshine....and Talk it out....weigh the Good...which there wasn't any!!!.....Against the BAD...which was HUGE!! And You ended Up Doing the Right thing....The Only Thing....to Save Yourself from another Day ONE.....and who Knows if WE ever get back to another Day ONE???? Many DON'T!!
    Sorry For rambling....But I Hope Many read your Story for Today.....and If they find themselves in a similar situation....Make the Same Right Call!! Today Mamma...Today....You Were Outstanding....A True WINNER!! And "Sunbeams"....You Too Girl!! Thank You For being there for Mamma....Love You Ladies!! What an inspiration!! Hope you Sleep Well......and wake Up Feeling Grateful and Very Proud....Because You Should Be!! Stay Strong Just For This Day!! .xoxo
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  8. #878
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy I am so proud of you!! You are Titan and stayed strong. I am so glad you posted about it as well. Hopefully the post felt better than the flush. I am so glad you did not sugar coat as it can be a struggle to throw away. You keep me strong. So many times I would make it thru the day knowing that you were strong and I could not let my team down. It keeps me going. Xoxoxo
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  9. #879
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    Mommy - I am so proud of you. I can only imagine how hard that must have been. You have to be proud of yourself. I am hoping today went well for you. Happy Day 77.

  10. #880
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    [deleted - swearing]
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-16-2015 at 09:50 PM.

  11. #881
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    That is just so impressive. You resisted every impulsive, spur-of-the-moment, natural feeling...every trick your brain could have played on you, and you still resisted. Don't underestimate what you did. Our actions define us. I am sure you're mourning the loss of what could have been. It will only make you stronger in the long run. God bless!
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  12. #882
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Finallydoingthis- thanks so much for the encouragement. It is such an insane feeling!!! To be so long clean, and so close to messing all that up, yet being so proud that I didn't, while at the same time just ticked off at myself for being what half of me says is soooo "stupid". Personally, I have never flushed a thing that was worth a buzz or money. I do not think I will ever feel the same way about hear a toilet flush again. It is such craziness. Digging hard to be totally free from this one day! Thank you for your support!

  13. #883
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Stopping by to Spread a little Love on your Thread Crazy Mamma!! Keep doing the awesome job....and your absolutely Correct Mamma....Team Titan Certainly Does NEED YOU!! You ARE a Very Important Player on that Team!! Don't think about that toilet flushing.......That sound should be making You Feel nothing but Proud....One Proud Mamma.....Many of US put in that position would have thrown them back without a thought....until it was too Late!! What You did....By holding them....thinking about the effect it would have on You....Which would have been awful....( I thank My Higher P....that you didn't Use)....and get ahold of another member of the TEAM....Just makes Me Smile.....I mean...Really Smile....Knowing what You did.....How You Persevered a Very Slippery Slope!! I will say this though....I sincerely Hope that You say something to somebody....So that You don't get put in a situation like that again anytime Soon.......I am Hoping and Praying that My CHM is Sleeping well tonight....And wake up Grateful for another Clean Day to add to the counter....You ....along with others on here....are getting Your Passion Back....Slowly but surely....And I am fortunate enough to get a Front Row Seat....Watching You break out of that Prison You've been in for Years!! And begin to see a brighter "Sunshine"....."Beaming" down on You this Spring and Summer!! You are an inspiring Story on this Board....for many......including Myself!! So Proud of You and the TEAM...Stay Strong Just For Today CrazyHMamma!!..xoxo
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-17-2015 at 03:57 AM. Reason: spelling error
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  14. #884
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    Absolutely any time! I've followed your thread since the beginning pretty much and I want you to know I'm rooting for you. Keep posting, thank you for being honest about your feelings it helps a lot of us out here when we will be tested, and good luck on your journey.
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  15. #885
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi all. Checking in to say I'm alive. Barely feels that way but I'm alive. Very busy now that I'm back to work. We missed a lot due to weather so now doing double time trying to get caught up. Of course I've been letting it pile up on me for months anyway so I'm feeling extra behind. Still strong, still a Titan, just super busy. Good thing is it helps occupy my mind. Bad thing is I'm exhausted & missing energy like I can't explain with words. But still stepping. I hope everyone is okay & strong. Xoxo love to all
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  16. #886
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Crazy Mamma....Stopping By to show You some Love....Thanks for the Update....and Glad Your still Digging!! You Have a lot of supporters and Followers on here....Cheering You On...and Of Course Team Titan...Your # One Fans!! Spring is closing in...and More "Sunbeams" will be coming Very Soon!! Hope You get Yourself Caught up with everything going on....and Can Give Yourself a little break!! Sweet Dream CHM....Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo.
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  17. #887
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    80 days today. 80 whoooole days. I don't know what else to say. I feel proud & I feel lost. I can not go backwards, but it is very difficult to look forward to the future when I fight so hard every day. I know, one day at a time, but it's all just running together now. Just want something to look forward to. I want to be able to be optimistic about what is coming but ..... That's just not the way it works. Wondering when my day will come. Spring? 90 days? I'm still waiting. Stay tough everyone. Love to all. Xoxo

  18. #888
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good mroning mommy. I do hope you have the best Friday with sunny skies of course. Just wanted tio show a TItan some love!! Xoxoxoxo.
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  19. #889
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Finally the weekend is here! I slept like a rock and was grateful to not hear an alarm.... well, not a beeping electronic one anyway. Both the two legged and four legged children still have alarms in their bellies! We have spent a lazy Saturday morning watching cartoons. Now, I will try to get myself motivated to be productive.

    Again, I will let everyone who has been following Team Titan know we are still here, still reading, posting, and mot importantly, still staying Titan strong!! For me personally, I have been insanely busy this week. I don't even want to try to count how many hours I worked because it would scare me. That is part of the reason sitting around here for so many days, with work being cancelled for weather, not only did I just get cabin fever, for basically the whole month of February, but I knew I was going to be paying for it now. Lots and lots of work to make up and catch up on. I am trying to see it in positive light, as a way to keep busy, but there is such a thing as TOO busy sometimes!

    Spring is officially here! And my 90 mark is right around the corner. Thanks to all who have been here to support me through it. Go Team Titan. Love to all. xoxox
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  20. #890
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    Mommy - glad you slept well. It's probably a blessing you been so busy. It's when I am not busy that things kind of go down hill. So proud of you and Sunshine that your 90 days are right around the corner. I know it didn't for you, but for me, reading your posts, it went quickly. If you got through February, you can get through anything. Stay strong Mommy. You are doing great.
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  21. #891
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice Post Mommy....And great Job being A Team Titan Player today!! Spring IS HERE....and the Days WILL be getting Brighter!! All I can say about having So Much to Do.....Is....the Same One You've Been hearing....Sorry....But here it comes again.....ONE DAY AT A TIME!! All You have is Today Crazy H Mamma....I hope YOUR day was a Good One....at least Decent!! Congrats on Getting to 90 Days....Soon??? You Have So much to Look forward too....Even if it doesn't always Feel that way....right Now?? You are changing Yourself For the Better....There isn't anyone that gets Clean from the BEAST.....and after Time....Is Not a Better Person....just doesn't work that way....So Keep Digging when You need to.....Keep Up with those "Sunbeams"...and March On Mommy!! You Rock!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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  22. #892
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Hope and Dave for the continued encouragement. I can always use that extra push! Digging for my strength today, another rainy day to add to the counter. I have waited and waited, quite impatiently at times I do admit, for Spring to arrive and thaw this place out. Now Spring is here, and I want to get outside! I want to pull weeds and plant flowers. I want to clean this place up! Motivation is there for the things I Want to do, just not for all the rest. I guess I should go ahead and expect more rain and call on more patience, since April showers bring May flowers, and I have not even made it to April yet. Nonetheless, it is nice to even occasionally feel myself waiting for something besides a feeling. I know my only goal has to be to get through today. However, planning ahead is the only way I can keep up with my job and tasks. They call them lesson plans for a reason, as it is not always easy to walk into a classroom and wing it. So, being stuck inside yet another off work day has my mind spinning over this week's upcoming work, setting test deadlines, posting homeworks, and on and on and on. If only THIS day could be forefront in my mind.... I try and will continue to work on it. But stuck inside lets the mind run wild with its "planning" ahead. All in all, my spirits are good. I have energy and motivation for plenty of things, just not the things that need to be done right now. So, here I sit, typing to you all. Enough already.... I am off to be productive in some form or fashion. Love to all, an Happy Sunday!!! xoxoxo
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  23. #893
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Crazy H Mamma....Hope You and Miz "Beams" had a Good Sunday!! Very Tired tonight....So just dropping by to Say Goodnight....To You and Sunshine....On Your Thread tonight..?? Had to pick One...Anyway...Go Team Titan...Don't plan too far ahead....although...I know it's Much easier Said than Done...??..Look forward to A Team meeting soon...maybe tomorrow Evening?? Meantime...you and "Sunbeams" Have the best possible Monday....Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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  24. #894
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey You....Crazy H Mamma.....No Posting Today?? That's ok....I kind of get a feeling maybe You're Going though a Bump in the road yourself!! I Hope and Pray you got some rest last night....and are Strong Today....If there is something You need to Do.....I know You'll do it....Knowing that Team Titan has Got Your Back!! Know that WE are here for You...100%!! I will be sending X-tra Prayers Your way as Well....To help Give You the strength and courage to do the right thing Today....Be thinking about You ALL day Mamma....Keep those "Sunbeams" close to You as well....I know How those Beams shining down upon You...Give You extra strength as well!! Sending Love and Hugs Crazy H and Strong Mamma!! Team Titan Strong!!.....Stay Strong Just For This Day...This Day Mamma....let us Help you walk through this day!!..xoxo
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  25. #895
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy just want you to know I am adding special extra loving, caring, supporting sunbeams your way. Team Titan is here for you. We love you and are always thinking about you. Stay strong!!!!
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  26. #896
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Yes extra special love and hugs to you today my friend!!! Wish we could be there with you XOXOXO
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  27. #897
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hope Your getting some well deserved Rest Crazy H Mamma....You Really Dug through a Tough One today!! I just want to spread some Love on your thread....and also Tell You How Proud I am Of You....and Your Li'l One too....what a Kid!! Anyway....I hope and Pray tomorrow finds You feeling a Little better....You are a True Titan Mommy.....You Really are....What a TEAM!!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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  28. #898
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi all. I love you, Team Titan, and it totally puts a smile on my face to see your sweet messages, esp You Tigger!!!!! So glad to see you back on "board". I'm getting through a busy hump day with a heavy heart. Team Titan knows my bad news, but i should explain to the rest of you friends & followers here on the board why I have been distant the last couple of days. My little 16 year old doggie went downhill very fast, starting Sunday night into Monday. I had to have him put to sleep yesterday. I am feeling extra empty without my little Ricky around. He lived a wonderful long life with me, he's traveled & moved around with me since 1998, longer than any other pet I have, longer than my hubs too. Letting him go was a hard hard thing and I still feel the absence, like this morning feeding breakfast, there was an empty plate. I'm struggling, but I'm Titan strong. I won't share any more sad words, not wanting to spread gloom. But had to let all my board friends know I'm here, hanging on for dear life, but I am gonna make it & promise to post more to each of you individually very soon. Off to class, then meeting, then lab. At least staying busy keeps the thoughts away!!!! Love to all xoxoxo

  29. #899
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    She's Got a Doctor..???? Her Doctor is Called....Dr. "Sunbeams".....and her associate is Me....Also...she has an on line back up Dr.....I think her name is Dr. Tigger.....Anyway....Kbruce...Thanks for your concern...But I think Crazy H Mamma is being well taken care of!! Hope Your sleeping well Mommy....and that li'l Up and Coming Mini Cutie Titan is resting good as well!! Yeah...I think Crazy H Mamma is surrounded by love!! She's gonna be just Fine!! Stay Strong Just For Today CHM..xoxo
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  30. #900
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    Mommy, I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Ricky. I can't imagine how you are feeling. It takes a little (or big) piece of our out. Our pets our not only our children, but they become a part of our history. You are strong, and you will prevail. I always say when someone passes that I love and know I am so grateful to have such good memories of them. So many people do not get to say that unfortunately. I am glad you staying busy, but hate that you are struggling. All's that we have in that arena is time. Stay strong, as always Mommy. Again, my deepest condolences.
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