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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #901
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Correct Dave! We have a very strong team that have each other's back. I could not have it any other way to get thru this. Times like this are always sad and it is never easy. I am thankful I was here to be strong for mommy and give back just a little of what she has given to me. She has been my warrior Titan and has never let me fall....always has my back even while fighting her own fight. Xoxoxo
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  2. #902
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I love you. Sunshine AND Dave, You guys rock. Coming to catch up with the board and totally now have a smile on my face. You're like my defenders, my mom and dad (not at all referring to ages here, just the protection gene seems to be in force, lol). I am smiling, no laughing actually, just reading your posts. You guys are my ROCKS. I seriously would be lost without you. And that bouncy Tigger, too!

    Hope, you are so right, he was a part of my history. Losing Ricky closes a chapter on my life really. And I do miss him so. Hardest times are breakfast.... what a great way to start off your morning.... and when I come home from work.....the tiny little yapping bark is missing. It hurts like h-e-double hockey sticks. But, I have definitely not had much time to sit and dwell on it, which is a good thing.

    Work is kicking my tail these days. It always works this way....as the semester gets closer to end, students start suddenly "needing" me so much more than before. Once they realize they are failing, they think becoming attached to my hip will miraculously change the bad grades already recorded. I am kind of a hard 'you know what' on them at this point,which definitely not not earn me love. Seriously though, I am teaching the next generation of doctors, nurses, dentists, etc........ Do you all want me to go easy on them, the ones who may be taking care of US one day???? Nope. No mercy. Bottom line is: I am too popular these days but not beloved, I am busy but not satisfied, I am productive but not positive. Yet.... I am grateful. Grateful for strength and insight that I did not know I had in me. I have grown into a true Titan over the last near 90 days. Thanks to my hard time..... and my TEAM.

    I thank you all for continuing to read and follow and support me. This has been a really tough week. But.... Nothing gets a Titan down for too long. Stay strong my friends, and make the impossible, possible. Love to all xoxoxox
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  3. #903
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice Post Mommy....Not much to say tonight..except...love You....and That "Sunbeams" ....and yes...look forward to seeing that Bouncy TIGGER back soon as well!! We will always have Your Back Crazy H Mamma....You Know that!! We Are a TEAM....And Teams stick together....You know....like 12's......Sorry.....couldn't help myself.....Have a Great Friday Mamma....and A Good Weekend as well...Do something Fun....even if it's not at the Beach....You HAVE grown into a true Titan....You and Beams....Special....Very Special...Tough week....and You persevered....Better Days ahead...Promise....Really....I DO!! Stay Strong Just For Today CHM...xoxo
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  4. #904
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good morning mommy! You always always have the best post so full of inspiration and always well put. You are surrounded by lots of love......we all are and it so helps us gets thru the day. Please try and be productive this weekeend you will feel so good about it. I am now thinking that not only does the sun makes us feel better but being productive and getting just those few liitle things done can help lift our spirit. I hope that you are able to get out outside for spring activities or yard work this weekend. Lots of sunshine your way! Xoxoxo
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  5. #905
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Well, I have not even gone one day/night without a post from the team, but just bc I know you are having a BLAST on beachside vacations this weekend (and this whole week), just bc I know you aren't around....I am feeling lost!!! I am too obsessed with you Team Titan.... you may need to consider a restraining order, lol. In all seriousness, I am stoked that you guys are going to have great, relaxing, and much deserved trips to tell me ALL about!!!

    Missing little Ricky kind of hit me hard today, kinda out of the blue. I was so preoccupied with making sure kiddo took it well, that I think I delayed my own grief by a couple days. Or maybe just a bit of shock. Memories are flooding back to me now. Tears, tears, tears. I am trying to make a picture video of him, hopefully to serve as therapy of some sort. To do something to commemorate him. But just flipping through the pics is tough. I miss that little guy, even though he tried to mark Everything....including me at times. I may have fussed about him sometimes, but I wish I had been more "present" these last couple of months.... I wish I had just paid more attention and been more Grateful for his presence alone. This will pass. I know. Just digging for all of my Titan strength right now to deal with the sadness, let is pass,and grow from it.

    Hope everyone is staying strong. Yesterday is was sunny and 70 here, today 45 and raining. Whatever. I may be able to get out in the yard by Sunday.... I sure hpe so. But I know Sunshine will be willing some of that beach side love to me the whole time, so I will be all good! xoxo to all.

  6. #906
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy good morning. Although I am out of town I am still here for team Titan. Sorry about yeaterday can't help allot when I am driving. I know you miss little Ricky he was a good dog. They are special family members that bring so much joy to us. There is never a good time for this. You need to grieve this weekend and be sad. He will missed but not forgotten. I know you are struggling and I so wish I could do more for you. Just not you have all my support and love!!
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  7. #907
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    So happy to see your post this morning! It seems like just a normal good morning posts, but this time I know the good morning comes from our favorite place.... The beach. I would love love love to bask in the sun & sand with you today. How much fun it would be! Soak it all up for me! Rainy and 43 for the high here today.... Blah, blah, blah. I'll be digging today, but imagining you digging In the sand instead will put a big smile on my face. I hope you have perfect Florida weather today! Love you so!!!!!

  8. #908
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    Hey Mommy - so glad to see you post. Think about you all the time. I know the mourning of your beloved Ricky will take time, and I am glad, knowing how hard it's been, you are doing this (digging). Hope you get some outside time with your little one. They are so much fun at that age but exhausting! When it's quiet around here is when I get anxious. I don't like it, and I'm sure you don't either. Hoping your getting to the gym or maybe for a walk tomorrow. I think I'll go hop on the treadmill. My mind starts to wander which is never a good thing.
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  9. #909
    Melina123 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Mommy
    Im no psychic, but something made me come over here from the other forum to check on you. Glad I did! Sorry about your boy Ricky. I had to put down my pitt a few years ago and almost killed me. We are not sad for them, we are sad for US! We want them with us always!! I feel you girl. You just have to go thru the emotion to get to the other side. Something a recovering addict told me that I hang onto..."feelings are feelings...this too shall pass". Putting drugs on top of a feeling is what we did before. Facing feelings and coming thru the other side is foreign and scary. But after you do it a few times, you look back and wonder why it was so scary. Most of the time anyway. Im not diminishing the heartbreak of losing a loved one. It does hurt. Sux eggs even!
    I see that your Titans are gone out of town, but now you see that you have plenty of other friends here and we do care about you. I am old and senile and I look for your thread from time to time and don't remember you are over here. Ill try to do better and visit you more often.
    Hang in there, Im proud of you!
    xoxox
    Mel
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  10. #910
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks all for the encouragement. I could use all that's available. Truthfully, I am heartbroken and I miss him. But, unfortunately, I am far too familiar with this feeling. When we buried him, we actually counted how many furkids are in our little cemetery (not like the freaky horror kind, rather it is actually one of the most peaceful places I know). Ricky is number 19. And several we lost, just disappeared, that are not buried there. Anyway, My point is just that I know Father Time is all I have. This will pass. I am not scared of a feeling anymore. Just hurting, I lived close to half my life with Ricky.... All of my adult life. There is nothing that could numb this. I know the feeling, and even pills never helped me escape it. Put it off maybe, but never free of it. I will continue to save these animals that need me, even though a piece of my heart goes with each one of them that passes. Even though it hurts, the love and reward is worth it. I've already got this beat, just need to give it some time, to Feel and Grieve. I'm all good you guys! Hoping my team is loving their weekend, or week long, or just for the day getaways. Stay strong everyone. There is no other way out of this but through it. (dunno who on board first said that, but giving trademark to who ever you are!) xoxox to all.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-29-2015 at 12:27 AM.
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  11. #911
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Mommy I love you to pieces. I read on your thread last night but was too pooped to write after my day. You are handling Ricky's departure like a true Titan, even dodging some comments that well, let's say..... A kiss with a fist is better then none. Vomit in my mouth. You know.... Keeping it real.
    Have a great Sunday my friend XOXO
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  12. #912
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Always makes me smile to find a post from my bouncy, bouncy, fun fun fun Tigger teammate. I wish your post about sand in crotch had not been deleted. I don't remember a swear, but you did make me spit out my coffee as well with that response. Love you lots. Don't forget to tell me how to order my t shirts!!!! xoxoxox
    !
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  13. #913
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice Support for MY Titan Team Girl!! Thanks everyone...for jumping on Crazy H Mamma's thread and showing her Love...She needed a Little bit extra this weekend....But She is a Trooper!! She also has a Mini Titan that would warm Anyone's Heart!!!...Hey TIGGER...Hope Your hanging in there as well...?? Miss You!!
    So...Crazy H Mamma....Was Nice to catch Up...Thanks for all Your insight....You and that Teammate Of Ours!! I'm So Happy She was there for You Today, when things got a little sideways....You Two Hold each other Up Like True Titans.....Warriors.....I hope You get some decent rest tonight....and Monday is Kind to You!! ...Stay Strong Just For Today...CHM...Your Dignity can be mocked, abused, compromised, toyed with, lowered and even badmouthed, but it can Never be taken from You!! You have the Power today to reset Your Boundries, restore your image, start Fresh with renewed values and rebuild what has happened to You in Your Past!!..xoxoxoxo
    Last edited by Anonymous; 03-29-2015 at 11:58 PM. Reason: spelling error
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  14. #914
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Oh where Oh where is My Crazy H Mamma..???? Please update when You have a chance Mommy.....I Know your doing Ok....But Your Followers on here....???? Hope Your having a Good day Mamma!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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  15. #915
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi board friends. Crazy Mommy, still here hanging on. Sorry for not updating sooner, just this week has been pretty rough. I am having a hard time dealing with life in general at the moment. I miss my dog. I am terrified to have my taxes done... and running out of time. Losing my mind working far more than any human should... yet I did grade an ENORMOUS stack of papers in the last few days, which was a big accomplishment. I am learning how to do life without the crutch. I still don;t like it much, but it is getting easier to get up and just get the day done. I am just ready to start enjoying it again. So, now just past my 90 day mark, the energy is reasonable, it is not hard to get myself moving anymore. I don't feel like a bag of bricks in the gym anymore. Physically, I think I have mended. But mentally, anxiety is still super high for tasks I want to avoid, coping skills not back to normal by a long shot. Losing my pup was a definite mental set back though. So, others post-90 days might feel differently than me for more specific reasons like that one.

    I did have an AWESOME day on Monday. I took kiddo to the zoo, which she has been asking for since before Christmas. Finally weather decent enough to go. It was a really, really, great day. She is my light, my sun, moon, and stars. I think I have dedicated all of my happiness to her at the moment, which may not be the best parenting choice, and is certainly something I can't do forever.... have my happiness rest on hers. However, if it gets me through the day, for now I will just let it be. Her smile is everything. My fighting fuel. Go Team Titan.

    Lots of love to all. Hang in there. And sending my thoughts to all who are struggling. xoxox
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  16. #916
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    So glad you posted and let us know what you are up to. Wow, past the 90 day mark. I know it seems possible for you, but it seems like yesterday you and Sunshine were at 30 days.... etc. Good for you! I'm happy you and your little girl are having such a good time this week. Kids will so occupy your being in a delightful way. It sounds like being super busy at work has helped to. Anything to keep busy is how I look at it. It's when I'm idle that it is not good. I do not like the anxiety that comes in waves here and there. The mornings are the worst for me. I made myself stay in bed until 5:30 even though I woke up at 3:30. Just trying to train myself. I am happy for you Mommy. Despite a lot of emotional upheavals recently, you have prevailed. You are inspiring.
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  17. #917
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks, Hope. You're quite an inspiring fighter yourself! I totally get what you mean about staying busy. I am exhausted most of the time from just non-stop powering through the day, but you are correct that when I sit idle, that's when my mind starts to take over, which is never a good thing. Staying busy at least keeps the bad thoughts buried far enough back in my wacky mind, that I can maintain just "crazy" mommy instead of complete lunatic, gone off the deep end mommy, lol.

    Sunshine is at family's house where there is no internet. She has been having to drive to Starbucks just to get the wifi. But she wanted me to say hello to you. She should be back from vacationing after this weekend. She is having a nice enough time, but feeling a little challenged to keep busy and stay out of her own head. Of course, laying around on the beach all day is nice, but not when your mind goes 90 to nothing with anxiety. So she is just trying to stay busy. Went to state park to canoe with her kids yesterday. She is okay. Just passing along an update for her. she specifically said to say hi to hope.
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  18. #918
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    Awww, that was so sweet of Sunshine. Tell her I said I hi too. I am so glad she got away, but do understand about the anxiety. It must be fun with the kids--they are at a great age to go on vacation with. I think I would like to go on vacation, but then I think it's too early for me. At times I feel like I'm doing super good, and then there are times when I think, can I do this? I sure do miss both of you on here. You two were constant staples in the beginning of my journey. I do not think I could have come this far without you guys and all my friends on here. I really don't. We all get busy and have our lives to pursue. That's all part of the process, but am so happy we can stay in touch and know that we are all going through this, still, and always together. Kinda funny that Sunshine has to drive to a Starbucks to get Wifi. It reminds me of where I grew up at. A lot of people have to drive to the community center in order to access the internet. Yep. I grew up in the sticks. LOL. Have a great day Mommy! Tell Sunshine to have a safe trip home!

  19. #919
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Happy Easter CHM....I know you've been away this weekend....Just to let others know....Momma Will be back this next week....and I am Very Happy to report....She is Doing GREAT!! So.....Everyone will be looking forward to a Mommy....and....Sunshine...Update soon..Stay Strong Just For Today....Titan Strong!! xoxo
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-05-2015 at 02:37 PM.

  20. #920
    JessiFox is offline New Member
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    Mommy, I know my case is a bit unusual, I'll probably give this response only & then stay away, as I don't want anyone to feel I'm invading where I don't necessarily belong. I don't and never have had problems with addiction, it's my husband who is struggling. It breaks my heart and I want to understand, truly understand so I can help in a meaningful way, but I'm well aware there are aspects of it I just don't get.

    I just wanted to let you know how much your thread, and you sharing your journey (along with Sunshine and DaveP and others) means to me. I read your entire thread this afternoon, and to say you are an inspiration would be selling it short entirely. The way you live your life, the hard work you've put into being able to do that and be there genuinely for your little family...it speaks volumes about the kind of person you really are. And about why you will remain successful.

    I just wanted you to know that your perspective has helped me try to understand- and how very much that means to me. Happy Easter, I hope you are well.
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  21. #921
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good morning Mommy. Just wanted to wish you the best day ever and lots of sunshine your way. Thanks for keeping everyone posted for me. I believe the ocean is a very healing so I am hoping it will bring relief to my anxiety. Need to keep busy as that helps for sure. Love you lots and hopefully your day is filled with sunshine!!
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  22. #922
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Want to show your thread some love Mommy. I miss you and our meetings. Hoping your Easter was anxiety free!!! Lots of love to you soul sister XOXO
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  23. #923
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi All! Craaazy Mommy's baaaaaack! I am excited to see my Lady Titans, Sunshine and Tigger, back on board again as well! I would say I have missed you gals, but thank heavens I have direct lines to you, otherwise I Would not have make it. I love and need you gals (and of course, you Dave, our special guy Titan as well!). I HAVE missed my board friends here, though! Back to the work grind today, but I actually had a pretty nice Easter weekend.....even with certain members of my crazy family! Crazy mommy, crazy family.... I call them that in only the dearest of ways

    We did Lots of traveling, Easter with family at 4 different homes, 4 different towns basically. As I have said in past posts, the beast is just too accessible from my sister, who I was spending the night with. It would have likely been easy for me to get if I had asked (at the last visit she offered freely). Anyway, I was worried before we left town, about being in the situation in general. To make a long story short, it was not as hard as I thought it would be. I was not offered anything, I stayed focused on the kids and the Easter fun, and as it turns out she ended up asking me what I was taking to feel so much better, lol. My only advice was vitamins, exercise, friends.... a Team. I kind of felt proud that now seem to have the "answer" as to how to beat this beast. The worst part about it is that I didn't feel like I have any answers at all, and the advice I give in all honesty, is probably not encouraging, so hopefully my attitude about it was encouraging enough. I felt worse for the pressure she seems to feel, to change now that I have. I know that no one can or will change until they are ready, but I still felt a little bad that I stress her out. Just when I was the one stressing about what would happen, I ended up being the one trying to give advice, and the stress was more on the other side. Different. Weird. But, I guess that is a sign of the progress I have been hoping for.

    Hope everyone is staying strong and as happy as possible! I will come by and write more to other's threads soon. gtg cook dinner and chores now. Everyone go wish Davep well for his heart tests today! He needs some extra prayers, hugs, and smiles today...... if you've got any to spare go let him know! Love to all!

  24. #924
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    Hooray - you are back! I am so glad it well with your family. What a difference since the last time you met, right? Progress has been made. End of story. No looking back now. Only today and forwards. You sound and are doing great. So proud of you. The anxiety sounds like it has left a lot of you behind. That is good news! So happy for youuuuuu!!! Get your chores done and then write some more to us. I think part of the reason, and this is if I could see you, because I know you have a sparkle in your eye, that you feel good is because you are helping someone else. Your sister. It may take a while, but I believe Dave says part of the recovery process is giving back. I believe that with every being of myself. I am so no where near that point, but I do try and do a little. I think it is very important to work on ourselves, but equally important to give of ourselves. There are so many different ways to do that. You have showed that Mommy. Glad you had a safe and happy trip!

  25. #925
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    Hope... I relapsed after 11 days no sobos and 5 days no opiates. I feel like such a lost hope.I hate myself right now. I took half a perc 30. And the demon wants me to feed it more. And I have more I don't want to. This sickness is the worst. Am I going to have to start wd all over again? Full blown wds? I can't live like this. I feel so helpless. I've been doing so good. I fed the demon and he wants more. .. Am I just a lost cause? I mean am I going to be a statistic? Idk what to do. I have a step meeting tonite. But I feel too guilty to go. Should I go anyways? Idk. The beginning of the day was great. But then the demon whispered. And I fed him. Worst mistake ever. I am so scared.. I want to be free. I wish there was a way to private talk here. Like email. Certain ppl for advice. ... Idk. I think I babble on way too much on my thread ... And no onr cares to read or respond. Anyways. I feel like such a loser. I don't deserve help when I can't help myself. I'm sorry I let u down. Plz don't give up on me. I want this.

  26. #926
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    I posted on your thread inneed... If I missed anything, and I hope I didn't, know that I think it would do you a world of good to go to a meeting, and no you do not babble. That is what this thread is for. You are most certainly not a loser. if you were, you would never admit you have a problem and want help. End of story. Please go your thread and read my response.

  27. #927
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JessiFox View Post
    Mommy, I know my case is a bit unusual, I'll probably give this response only & then stay away, as I don't want anyone to feel I'm invading where I don't necessarily belong. I don't and never have had problems with addiction, it's my husband who is struggling. It breaks my heart and I want to understand, truly understand so I can help in a meaningful way, but I'm well aware there are aspects of it I just don't get.

    I just wanted to let you know how much your thread, and you sharing your journey (along with Sunshine and DaveP and others) means to me. I read your entire thread this afternoon, and to say you are an inspiration would be selling it short entirely. The way you live your life, the hard work you've put into being able to do that and be there genuinely for your little family...it speaks volumes about the kind of person you really are. And about why you will remain successful.

    I just wanted you to know that your perspective has helped me try to understand- and how very much that means to me. Happy Easter, I hope you are well.
    Wow, JessiFox, your post really has made my day. Hearing that makes me very proud. If over these last few truly "challenging" months, if my posting a journal of the path I took, could still impact someone else reading about the journey, well.... that makes my heart swell up I needed to hear that today, thank you.

    I could not agree with you more, that understanding an addiction is just not even possible until you are in those shoes. But it really sounds like you are doing the right thing trying to learn, and you came straight to the source in order to hear it real. The DDC forum is so real and so supportive. I have made connections here that are truly irreplaceable to me now, connections that keep me going strong. If your husband is ready to change things, I hope he will come here and read about others that either have walked or are walking in his shoes. It is such a hard battle, but far too common of one. People from all walks of life, the beast spares no one. To kick the habit, your husband will need support, and DDC is a great place to start.

    Thanks for writing. It did mean a lot. To read MY whole thread? That's a buncha pages, lol!

  28. #928
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by hope1211 View Post
    Hooray - you are back! I am so glad it well with your family. What a difference since the last time you met, right? Progress has been made. End of story. No looking back now. Only today and forwards. You sound and are doing great. So proud of you. The anxiety sounds like it has left a lot of you behind. That is good news! So happy for youuuuuu!!! Get your chores done and then write some more to us. I think part of the reason, and this is if I could see you, because I know you have a sparkle in your eye, that you feel good is because you are helping someone else. Your sister. It may take a while, but I believe Dave says part of the recovery process is giving back. I believe that with every being of myself. I am so no where near that point, but I do try and do a little. I think it is very important to work on ourselves, but equally important to give of ourselves. There are so many different ways to do that. You have showed that Mommy. Glad you had a safe and happy trip!
    As usual Hope, your posts are so sweet and supportive! Thank you. That Dave sure is full of a lot of wisdom, isn't he?? It does feel good to be on the other end of the spectrum, even if I know not to get my hopes up believing that the feeling is anything but temporary. Most of my feelings throughout this battle, both good and bad ones, have been temporary actually! Tit for Tat, I suppose. But Dave is right that knowing people depends on me, from family to pets to my Titan girl to my board followers, quitting everything now would be letting far more people down that just myself. I have built a wall of support through this forum, and met some friends I will NEVER let go of. Everything happens for a reason. It's been a long journey, but really just like part 1 of an on going saga, lol. I feel like this journey will never end. But I think I am kinda realizing now it is not supposed to??? I dunno. I'll keep posting what it feels like.... you know we are keepin it real, Hope! hank YOU for sticking around!
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  29. #929
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good morning Mommy! Your post always pick me up and offer such great advice. It is amazing how we are always learning new things and taking those tiny steps forward. I know those tiny steps are adding up and see the progress in us. We have come so far. I could never had nade it without you and my team.
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  30. #930
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Good Afternoon My Team Titan Ladies!! Good stuff on here Mommy....You can obviously See how many peoples Lives You Titans are touching Now!! Just by writing what Your going through....and How Your keeping Titan Strong...Not giving in to those Beastly whispers......And....You are right about this journey....it isn't supposed to have an ending.....it's just a Journey that gets More enjoyable....and less of a struggle....You are getting there....I know...Not in Your Time....But You are getting there....Being a Part of Your Journey Has also Helped ME more than You'll ever know....Thank You for that!! Hope Your day is going well CHM!! Stay Strong Just For Today!!..xoxo
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