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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #931
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi everyone! Crazy Mommy here for an update. Today is day number 101 that I have been no longer dependent on the beast..... It has been a long road, and that's putting it mildly! But my perspective on things is starting to change, and I am hopeful that I won't be just a statistic anymore..... whereas a couple of months ago, I had very little hope about that. I think Team Titan is going to beat the odds. We are strong. Together, we are even stronger. I love my team, and depend on them so much. Without the board I would never have found my soul sisters. It was just meant to be!

    To let others know how it is post 100 days-- physically, I feel great the majority of the time. I have energy. I get stuff done. With all of this exercise and eating right, I definitely feel strong as a Titan. However, Mentally it is harder to see and feel the change. Anxiety still drives me nuts most days. It is usually the days that I simply have TOO MUCH on my plate-- to be totally honest, I am really, really a busy gal and I have near zero time to dedicate to just fixing "ME". I sure expected that I would be "fixed" by day number 101!

    If I could ever just slow down and get the anxiety under control I think I would have better things to say about my mental progress. At this point, I am considering a mild anti-dep or something, at least long enough to get me through this hump, this load of stress that never seems to leave me. If I could control the anxiety, I would be a much happier camper. I have been (and still am) hesitant to turn to any other meds for relief, even just an anti-dep. I always said I was going to wait it out and see if my brain couldn't just fix itself. Yet I feel like I am stuck in this limbo. Post 100 days, after only using heavy for 3yrs (used for 5 but took 9 months off for kiddo. I don't think I was "really" addicted until after the csection scripts started coming). Anyway, I was not a decade long user. 100 days seems like I have put in enough hard time for my brain to turn back on, and it does not feel like that has happened. So, I am seriously considering going back on something to level out my brain chemicals? hormones? All I know is that Something, Anything, needs to get level in this head of mine.... or crazy Mommy is gonna become totally gone off the deep end Mommy!

    I have noticed that MOST people post-100 days don't really post much anymore, if at all. So, I guess I am asking all, even people that might not yet have racked up 100+ days of hard time. Have you tried anti-dep meds? Your thoughts or experiences? Even if you are still struggling, I'd appreciate any advice from any of my friends here. It seems like my brain should be mending better than it has. I have given it time. Life still keeps banging me around, and mentally, it is a struggle to stay on top. I need balance. Still searching for it.
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  2. #932
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy do you post for me??? I could take this entire post copy and paste and it would be exactly what I want to say.....maybe thats why we are soul sisters? We think sooooo much alike. I am with you on the anti-dep as we have discussed. I can deal with all of the mental aspects except the anxiety as it is just getting old. Sometimes I feel like I don't have normal triggers. If you put pills in front of me they would not phase me as I am very controlled and pills themselves are not a trigger for me however when my pain is already at a max, heart starts racing, and anxiety level is thru the roof it is all I want. It does seem like it should be easier after this long. So many people post about how wonderful it is to be free and I 100% agree with that however I can't agree with saying that I feel great. I feel as if I pay a very high price with anxiety for my freedom.

    I will get glimpses of feeling good they may last 5 mins or an hour and I actually experienced 6 hour time stretch last week on the beach it was pure heaven and bliss. Most all of my other good moments is when my full attention is being given to Team Titan which is something I enjoy. The reality of life is we can't be doing something that brings us pleasure 24/7. Chores, work, life and living with pain is reality.

    Like I said in the past I am not counting days but what I have decided to do is count my good days. When I can reach 50% of good days in a week then I will be celebrating. For now I may need to count the hours until I can turn it into days. As always I love reading your post as you always keep it real and honest.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-08-2015 at 06:52 PM.
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  3. #933
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    Sunshine - Mommy - let me just share the small experience of what I know of how antidepressants have affected me and people that I know who have taken them. For me, last summer, I tried 3 different anti-depressants. All of them made me not feel so hot so I discontinued. There are times when I really really feel like I need to be taking them. My mom should have taken them and both my half sister and half brother have always taken them. My husband has been on Prozac for at least 20 years or more. He is mellow and it was a lifesaver. My neighbor takes Paxil. Another lifesaver. She does very well on it and has taken it for a couple of years. She is very happy with it. With me, it might all well be reception. I am thinking, underneath, i fought it and therefore it didn't work. For now, exercise has helped me dig out of the big black hole (on most days). I think whether one goes on an antidepressant is so individual. I think it may take several attempts (but not always) and time to get it right. I'm not sure though and by no means am even claiming a little bit to knowing anything about it. I am just stating my own experience and what I have observed around me. If someone would give me a pill and it would even me out, even if i had to take it the rest of my life, and I didn't have any big side effects, and I felt good on it, yes, I would take it. There are days when I really feel good, and there are days i really don't. I am praying for all of us that we all become normal again. We will.
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  4. #934
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks for the input Hope. Every single experience that is different from mine offers a new sense of understanding. I took anti-depressants for years. Since my 2nd year of college, I have been on at least 8-10 different ones. It took a while to find the one that worked for me, and once I got on that one about 8 yrs ago, I do think it mellowed me out without making me "feel good" from it. Then, I stopped it all when I got pregnant, and never went back on the anti-deps. Didn't think I needed to after I found this miracle drug norco that made everything easy and light. So, I am just wondering that maybe I should have been on an anti-dep the whole time. Had I relied on those, maybe I would not have gotten so dependent on the norcos. Hindsight is a real B. I will never know the answer to what might have been. Just trying to change what "will be". I feel okay, I have energy, I just hate everything most of the time. Even waking up is a chore..... and people should not feel that way. Just as we recovering addicts say that "willpower is not enough"...... it is not enough to change my mind about the way I feel right now either. I cannot WILL myself to be happy and joyful. I need something to help me in that respect. I think I always needed the anti-deps, and am beginning to lean in that direction. I have taken them ALL beore. It's just been a long time since I tried, and all of that was pre-addict Mommy. The mind continues to race uncontrollably..... worry, worry, worry. It just ain't right!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-08-2015 at 08:15 PM.
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  5. #935
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I just keep thinking it is going to happen for us. Chigger said it took 8 months the first time she went thru this. Maybe trying something will make things easier for us. Cant hurt??

    Thanks for the input hope. I know so many people that take them. They will be on for life and seems to be fine for them. Especially with my hormones at this phase in my life it maybe worth trying for me.

  6. #936
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Mommy just wanted to stop by and give you a very sunny Good Morning post!! Have a wonderful day. It is beautiful outside however the pollen is so thick it really is hard to be outside. I am going to try to get some much needed things accomplished today. Hoping you have a very anxiety free day. Big hugs your way xoxoxo

  7. #937
    keltie67 is offline Junior Member
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    Hello- I just wanted to offer my humble opinion. I've read your whole thread and I LOVED reading it. The friendship and support I've seen on this thread are incredible and so real. I am currently tapering of subs (at 1mg, down from a high of 16- sadly, I did not find this board before the evil sub-doctor machine got to me) and I'm doing well with my taper.

    I have taken celexa or lexapro (they are very similar, though I do better with celexa) for 13 years. I've tried to get off them twice, with horrible results. Prior to settling on celexa, I tried MANY other anti- D's...I felt like a guinea pig. I firmly believe that some people, I being one of them, are hard-wired to have anxiety (and depression) and I do not plan on being without my celexa any time soon. During my taper, I did reduce to half my dose, though. I think that some of us (just my opinion) are attracted to opiates to "self medicate" because we are low on some kind of neurotransmitter (seratonin, dopamine...whatever). Opiates mellow us out, make us feel "good" and therefore, we crave them. Think about it- most people who take norco or whatever fall asleep and say "yuk- what WAS that? I never want to take it again!" While our brainis say "YUM- give me more of that good stuff."

    I feel like antidepressants to me are like insulin to a diabetic. I need them because I am low on some type of critical brain chemical. Of course, this is just my experience and just my humble opinion. I've had friends who are able to overcome their anxiety with exercise and other methods, but that just didnt work for me.
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  8. #938
    jeffro6527 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by keltie67 View Post
    Hello- I just wanted to offer my humble opinion. I've read your whole thread and I LOVED reading it. The friendship and support I've seen on this thread are incredible and so real. I am currently tapering of subs (at 1mg, down from a high of 16- sadly, I did not find this board before the evil sub-doctor machine got to me) and I'm doing well with my taper.

    I have taken celexa or lexapro (they are very similar, though I do better with celexa) for 13 years. I've tried to get off them twice, with horrible results. Prior to settling on celexa, I tried MANY other anti- D's...I felt like a guinea pig. I firmly believe that some people, I being one of them, are hard-wired to have anxiety (and depression) and I do not plan on being without my celexa any time soon. During my taper, I did reduce to half my dose, though. I think that some of us (just my opinion) are attracted to opiates to "self medicate" because we are low on some kind of neurotransmitter (seratonin, dopamine...whatever). Opiates mellow us out, make us feel "good" and therefore, we crave them. Think about it- most people who take norco or whatever fall asleep and say "yuk- what WAS that? I never want to take it again!" While our brainis say "YUM- give me more of that good stuff."

    I feel like antidepressants to me are like insulin to a diabetic. I need them because I am low on some type of critical brain chemical. Of course, this is just my experience and just my humble opinion. I've had friends who are able to overcome their anxiety with exercise and other methods, but that just didnt work for me.
    The medications you are talking about should be a tool to help solve a problem, not the solution to it. Yes there is appropriate pharmacological use of them, but there is also for opiates (and we all know how easily those become woven into our fabric then when we want to stop all hell breaks loose). Bottom line, as far as I am concerned is that our society is WAY over prescribed all medications. 20-25%% of adults are on 2 or more prescription drugs today that their doctors intend to have them on the rest of their lives.

    Please do not take what I am saying as an insult or judgement. I don't know you or your struggles and you very well are the person that needs these things long term. I do know however the long term use of these was not the original intention of them either. We then approach moving forward with negatively reinforced fear that we can not or should not ever stop taking them. All I am trying to say is that the answer may not be as apparent and "macro" as we perceive it to be.

    If anyone is interested specifically in anti depressants and anxiety I suggest listening to Dr. Dan Engle: how to get off prescription drugs. Its a podcast and again supports both sides of the argument as well as addresses these things from a more holistic plant based stand point. I do not pretend for a minute I am a medical professional or that I know more than anyone else about this, probably the contrary I know very little but I find great validity in what this man says.

    Again I hold no judgement, I only intended to extend love through this message.

    Have a blessed day.

    Your old pal,
    Jeffro

    P.S. Mommy- I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We lost our little baby boston (Jake) 2 years ago, and it remains one of the hardest things we have ever faced. I still miss him so much today, but at least now I/we feel real emotions and when we dream of them we will remember it when we wake, with either tears in our eyes or a smile on our face, either way it will be REAL. I hope that thought finds you with a little comfort today.
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  9. #939
    keltie67 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Jeffro~
    No insult taken whatsoever. Just offering my experience. For what it's worth, I'd love to and am open to some day getting off the antidepressants. I do, however, from experience in going off of them, believe that they help some people on a long-term basis- possibly replacing neurochemicals that their own brains don't manufacture at optimal level. I do agree with you that for the majority, they are not meant as a long-term solution. For me, for now...they do work and are helping me. Thanks for responding.
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  10. #940
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    I am 7 months clean from a 10yr + battle with oxycodone 210mgs + daily usually more.I was back at 100% 2months after stopping. I feel great every day.It just feels Awesome to not wake up every morning in withdrawal already and have to take that evil little pill just to function.

    You are all doing Great and im so proud of each and every one of you.Im also 43 days clean of taking .5 mgs of zanex daily for 2yrs or more.I'm feeling great.

    I believe stopping Zanex was tougher than stopping opiates. But I made it ! Yaay for me and I will never go back.I cut ties with my preprescribing dr.No more scripts for this guy ever again.

    Shawn
    Clean Dates
    Oxycodone 9-10-2014
    Zanex 2-26-2015
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  11. #941
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Shawn did you experience anxiety and mental battles while stopping the oxy? Did you use any anti-dep to help? Just seems at 90 days it is still a battle and struggle with the anxiety for us.

  12. #942
    KeepOnPushing is offline New Member
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    I am 16 days free from a 150 mg oxy a day habit for over 2 years as well as H. And I did it all while in the midst of a emotionally wrecking divorce. Thank God I've had family around me but I just wanted to say congrats to you being 101 days clean. I'm still very tired and fatigued it's hard to do anything. There's never a right time in our minds to quit but sometimes you don't have a choice. You just gotta want it. People are telling me PAWS will do me in later on and I say hell no. I'm staying on the right track.

  13. #943
    jeffro6527 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Shawn did you experience anxiety and mental battles while stopping the oxy? Did you use any anti-dep to help? Just seems at 90 days it is still a battle and struggle with the anxiety for us.

    I think its like everyone says, we are all so different that its impossible to tell who is going to have X amount of symptoms after X amount of time clean.

    For me: I can tell you that 30 days clean (today) is so incredibly better than 10 or 20 days was. If I continue at this rate I can see 90 days feeling pretty darn good. I won't say I am completely free of being a bit tired or having some anxiety but its already 90% better than it was. I know 30 days isn't much time clean and this isn't a linear progression, but everyone is different for sure. Gives me hope that 90 days will be pretty close to normal, but I try not to carry an expectation so I am not let down if and when that doesn't happen.

    As for PAWS, I say stay educated about it and be watchful, but don't use it as an excuse (NOT saying anyone here is) to label an off day or feel self pity. Normal folks have good and bad days, that should be expected for the rest of our lives.

    Your pal,
    Jeffro
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  14. #944
    Batting1000 is offline Banned
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    I know this thread is probably morphed into something else but I've read your story (sadmommy) which is close to mine and I admire you doing it cold turkey.

    I just started Suboxone treatment and I'm happy that I know the end of this will be me detoxing off Suboxone but I am committed to doing it and your story has been an inspiration.

    I too have a 3 year old daughter and the moment I felt that I haven't been there for her as I was her first 2 years is what motivated me to quit.

    I have a similar problem that you HAD and I will beat it because no milligram is going to beat me down. I refuse.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-09-2015 at 06:00 PM.
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  15. #945
    Batting1000 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Hi everyone! Crazy Mommy here for an update. Today is day number 101 that I have been no longer dependent on the beast..... It has been a long road, and that's putting it mildly! But my perspective on things is starting to change, and I am hopeful that I won't be just a statistic anymore..... whereas a couple of months ago, I had very little hope about that. I think Team Titan is going to beat the odds. We are strong. Together, we are even stronger. I love my team, and depend on them so much. Without the board I would never have found my soul sisters. It was just meant to be!

    To let others know how it is post 100 days-- physically, I feel great the majority of the time. I have energy. I get stuff done. With all of this exercise and eating right, I definitely feel strong as a Titan. However, Mentally it is harder to see and feel the change. Anxiety still drives me nuts most days. It is usually the days that I simply have TOO MUCH on my plate-- to be totally honest, I am really, really a busy gal and I have near zero time to dedicate to just fixing "ME". I sure expected that I would be "fixed" by day number 101!

    If I could ever just slow down and get the anxiety under control I think I would have better things to say about my mental progress. At this point, I am considering a mild anti-dep or something, at least long enough to get me through this hump, this load of stress that never seems to leave me. If I could control the anxiety, I would be a much happier camper. I have been (and still am) hesitant to turn to any other meds for relief, even just an anti-dep. I always said I was going to wait it out and see if my brain couldn't just fix itself. Yet I feel like I am stuck in this limbo. Post 100 days, after only using heavy for 3yrs (used for 5 but took 9 months off for kiddo. I don't think I was "really" addicted until after the csection scripts started coming). Anyway, I was not a decade long user. 100 days seems like I have put in enough hard time for my brain to turn back on, and it does not feel like that has happened. So, I am seriously considering going back on something to level out my brain chemicals? hormones? All I know is that Something, Anything, needs to get level in this head of mine.... or crazy Mommy is gonna become totally gone off the deep end Mommy!

    I have noticed that MOST people post-100 days don't really post much anymore, if at all. So, I guess I am asking all, even people that might not yet have racked up 100+ days of hard time. Have you tried anti-dep meds? Your thoughts or experiences? Even if you are still struggling, I'd appreciate any advice from any of my friends here. It seems like my brain should be mending better than it has. I have given it time. Life still keeps banging me around, and mentally, it is a struggle to stay on top. I need balance. Still searching for it.
    I am a lifer on benzos. I was undiagnosed as a kid with general anxiety disorder. When I was in college at about 20 I had my first panic attack when I thougt I was the happiest person on earth.

    My parents were divorced and lived in desperate states before I had my first birthday and when I was about 8 I was sexually molested by my friends parents. Needless to say, I had anxiety but I wish I would have just controlled the panic attacks as I learned to as I was once taking up to 6mg of Xanax a day but now am on a daily .5 4x a day of Klonopin and I don't have panic attacks and it doesn't affect me at all (as far as I can tell). It's weaved into my fabric. In 2004, I wrote a poem about my thought of the then Xanax. Take from it what you will but it means so much to me to look back at it today. I've changed the cuss words to phonetics.

    Please keep in mind that I accidently got addicted to these because I was a lab instructor at a tech university at the time and the crazy hours brought out the worse of my anxiety disorder and I was happy at the time to have gotten rid of the panic attacks but was conflicted by the addiction.

    Saturday, February 28th, 2004
    1:58 am


    substantive substance that wraps around my soul
    that without I'm empty and with, whole
    I didn't know I needed it until I had it so how do I need it now
    I kicked that life and now its back but being told by the pros yo

    they said you need this kid, you always did
    but I feel I'm forced it now when I used to have to shade it
    a humblng experience really

    I want to blame em all for making it happen
    F you dad for living 1500 miles away from your boy
    F you mom for not nurturing the way you should
    you've made a slave of your second

    send me back on the boat and let me go home to the land of the free
    because a few milligrams has a hold of me
    L.L. said he'll take a muscle bound man and put his face in the sand
    but a little white dot has got a hold of this man

    but to be positive about it
    life is good
    career is moving
    love is unfolding
    tenderness is back
    i've come out of the cold and into a living room with a cozy fire place
    it's not a bad place to be but the fire is getting lower
    and I feel like the tentants want me out

    maybe I need to try another house


    ------------

    As it turns out that house ended up being low dose klonopin.
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  16. #946
    Batting500 is offline New Member
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    My above account "batting1000" has been banned, permanantly!!!

    What the heck? I've been lurking these forums for years and I finally, for the purposes of support during my journey through detox sign up and post about 3 posts, all of which are completely benign and I am banned for life?

    Can someone tell me what for exactly? Jeez

  17. #947
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Good Evening Crazy H Mamma....Nice post above!! Your sounding better....but I already kinda knew that!! you and that 'Beams"...I do believe I am hearing just a little more optimistic words coming from both of You!! Believe ME....I still know your Not where you want to Be....But....It's a Journey....and you Two are well on Your way.....Just keep Your guard up.....Keep in touch with the Team....and everything is Gonna continue to get better....and Better!!...Like I've said before....and will stand by this.....I PROMISE!!!..xoxo
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  18. #948
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    Sunshine the anxiety and mental part for me was the worst for the first days and subsided totally by 2months.I didn't want to take any anti'depressents because I read most of them have some sord of withdrawal when stopping them too.Which I didn't want to deal with but I did think about taking something.

    It's really up to you two if you really think you need it or not.I would think and this is my opinion if you were only taking lortabs 10mgs you should be real close to being where you want to feel anytime now.

    Not to make light of your addiction but I was taking a ridiculous amount of oxycodone for over 10yrs.The pharmacist would tell me when I went in to get them filled that they dont see cancer patients taking this much.

    I would try a lortab when I was taking oxycodone and it wouldn't do anything to me at all. Im just trying to give you an idea of how much I was taking and for how long and how long it took me to get back to normal.

    It is different for everyone though. But you are both doing Great keep up the great work im very proud of you two.

  19. #949
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffro6527 View Post
    The medications you are talking about should be a tool to help solve a problem, not the solution to it. Yes there is appropriate pharmacological use of them, but there is also for opiates (and we all know how easily those become woven into our fabric then when we want to stop all hell breaks loose). Bottom line, as far as I am concerned is that our society is WAY over prescribed all medications. 20-25%% of adults are on 2 or more prescription drugs today that their doctors intend to have them on the rest of their lives.

    Please do not take what I am saying as an insult or judgement. I don't know you or your struggles and you very well are the person that needs these things long term. I do know however the long term use of these was not the original intention of them either. We then approach moving forward with negatively reinforced fear that we can not or should not ever stop taking them. All I am trying to say is that the answer may not be as apparent and "macro" as we perceive it to be.

    If anyone is interested specifically in anti depressants and anxiety I suggest listening to Dr. Dan Engle: how to get off prescription drugs. Its a podcast and again supports both sides of the argument as well as addresses these things from a more holistic plant based stand point. I do not pretend for a minute I am a medical professional or that I know more than anyone else about this, probably the contrary I know very little but I find great validity in what this man says.

    Again I hold no judgement, I only intended to extend love through this message.

    Have a blessed day.

    Your old pal,
    Jeffro

    P.S. Mommy- I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We lost our little baby boston (Jake) 2 years ago, and it remains one of the hardest things we have ever faced. I still miss him so much today, but at least now I/we feel real emotions and when we dream of them we will remember it when we wake, with either tears in our eyes or a smile on our face, either way it will be REAL. I hope that thought finds you with a little comfort today.
    Thank you so much Jeffro, for your kind words about my little man Ricky, and also for your input on the "to do or not to do" anti deps question. I appreciate all of the feedback.... from everyone! And I can see things from both sides. As I said initially, I kind of see anti deps as something to use to get one "over the hump". I hoped not to need them always, but I can also see where keltie comes from. I do believe that each of us is different in the genetic, or even just environmentally learned, ways that we cope and deal with stress. Some of us are better at it than others.... naturally. It is still a decision I will need to make, because I cannot say I am "happy" yet. Not even at 102 days. And again, I took basically just norcos for 3 yrs. Not by any means down playing my addiction, bc I got bad off for a bit, but was not using as much for as long, in comparison to many others on the board. If duration of addiction were to blame, I should be feeling a lot happier. And, I do have happy times.... but they are SO forced. Its not right. I now in my heart it is no right to feel like that. And I don't know how much more time I can give it before taking action of some kind. Anti deps seem to be the lesser of the evils, when it comes to my choice of action, ya know? Ah, something else to worry about, lol! I will ALWAYS find something!

    Thanks all for your responses and input. Like I said before, objective opinions from the experiences of others is exactly what I was looking for. Thanks all, and lots of love you you.

  20. #950
    PureLife is offline New Member
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    Sadmommy, great reading your story. From my research, it takes time for your brain to create new pathways and reposes to the same stimuli (enter biofeedback for example). If you were on Norcos for a few years or so (I think that's what you said), then it will certainly take longer than three months to normalize. But you really will...

    For me, taking an antidepressant, yet still being out of balance in any area of my life (physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and chemical) was like putting a bandaid on a stab wound. There are definitely people who need them, and maybe you are one of these...but I know that my head leveled out somewhat around four months after subs as I focused on balancing these areas.

    Hope you feel better soon- seems like you're doing all the right stuff.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-09-2015 at 09:20 PM.
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  21. #951
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    Your welcome mommy and only you can make the decision on whats best for you.If you really think a short term anti depressant will help you then by all means try it.Like you said its the better choice of two evils.My wife takes Prozac and she really likes it.Its also way cheap they dont even run my insurance when paying for it.My copay on my insurance for prescriptions is $10 and she gets a 3month supply of Prozac for only $12 at Wal-Mart.

  22. #952
    Batting500 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Thank you so much Jeffro, for your kind words about my little man Ricky, and also for your input on the "to do or not to do" anti deps question. I appreciate all of the feedback.... from everyone! And I can see things from both sides. As I said initially, I kind of see anti deps as something to use to get one "over the hump". I hoped not to need them always, but I can also see where keltie comes from. I do believe that each of us is different in the genetic, or even just environmentally learned, ways that we cope and deal with stress. Some of us are better at it than others.... naturally. It is still a decision I will need to make, because I cannot say I am "happy" yet. Not even at 102 days. And again, I took basically just norcos for 3 yrs. Not by any means down playing my addiction, bc I got bad off for a bit, but was not using as much for as long, in comparison to many others on the board. If duration of addiction were to blame, I should be feeling a lot happier. And, I do have happy times.... but they are SO forced. Its not right. I now in my heart it is no right to feel like that. And I don't know how much more time I can give it before taking action of some kind. Anti deps seem to be the lesser of the evils, when it comes to my choice of action, ya know? Ah, something else to worry about, lol! I will ALWAYS find something!

    Thanks all for your responses and input. Like I said before, objective opinions from the experiences of others is exactly what I was looking for. Thanks all, and lots of love you you.
    Sadmommy,

    I'm sorry I didn't say anything about whatever loss Jeffro is speaking of. I only read the first several pages until I saw you succeeded in your detox and didn't read the entire thread.

    My heart goes out to you too Jeffro. I'm not sure what happened to SadMommy but I see you lost your boy and now being a father of a beautiful 3 year old, I can't even and wouldn't want to imagine such a pain.

    My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all of you lovely people. We are given so much but promised nothing in this world and tomorrow may never come, at least on Earth.

  23. #953
    TigerLily32 is offline Senior Member
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    Mommy I'm visualizing us being gypsys dancing to Florence under the full moon on a hot Vegas night. Yes, that is where I want to be.
    Sending you love and peace my soul sista XOXOXO Tiger

  24. #954
    jeffro6527 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Thank you so much Jeffro, for your kind words about my little man Ricky, and also for your input on the "to do or not to do" anti deps question. I appreciate all of the feedback.... from everyone! And I can see things from both sides. As I said initially, I kind of see anti deps as something to use to get one "over the hump". I hoped not to need them always, but I can also see where keltie comes from. I do believe that each of us is different in the genetic, or even just environmentally learned, ways that we cope and deal with stress. Some of us are better at it than others.... naturally. It is still a decision I will need to make, because I cannot say I am "happy" yet. Not even at 102 days. And again, I took basically just norcos for 3 yrs. Not by any means down playing my addiction, bc I got bad off for a bit, but was not using as much for as long, in comparison to many others on the board. If duration of addiction were to blame, I should be feeling a lot happier. And, I do have happy times.... but they are SO forced. Its not right. I now in my heart it is no right to feel like that. And I don't know how much more time I can give it before taking action of some kind. Anti deps seem to be the lesser of the evils, when it comes to my choice of action, ya know? Ah, something else to worry about, lol! I will ALWAYS find something!

    Thanks all for your responses and input. Like I said before, objective opinions from the experiences of others is exactly what I was looking for. Thanks all, and lots of love you you.

    Mommy!

    I totally hear you loud and clear and YES I agree 1000%! I have never personally really had to struggle with depression so that is why I said I am no one to tell others what to do. If you have 2 hours to spare, I seriously can't tell you how beneficial what Dr. Dan Engle has to say on Amber Lyon's podcast. If you believe that time is an investment in recovery then invest the 2 hours into listening to that. I think if nothing else it will help you gain a more solid idea if and what drugs are best for you.

    Another thing not many folks talk about that PureLife brought up is biofeedback brain mapping. I think you could at least see the areas of misfunction in your brain so you get on the right anti depressant should you decide that is the route you need to go. Could save you months or more in the way of finding the right med. It can be pricey for the therapy but just for some baseline analysis I think its a few hundred dollars. Maybe worth it, I have not tried it yet.

    Are you in NA or doing any addiction therapy? Those have both helped me a lot.

    Lastly, if you are into reading here is a great easy one: LOVE IS LETTING GO OF FEAR.

    You have been doing great for so long, believe in today, and that you deserve to feel good, because you do.

    Have a blessed day!

    Your old pal,
    Jeffro

  25. #955
    Brandylee is offline New Member
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    I was exactly where you are and its especially hard when you have to care for children, this is what I know from what I went through it will suck for I think first couple of weeks after 5 days the physical agony will relax but the mental game of telling yourself screw this and go back to the pills will call you so heavy, your mind will tell you anything and everything for relief but have some place to go to just sweat it out, have someone strong to not let you get out of this no matter what cause your brain will tell you "your better off with them "or you can take them responsibly, well if your like me no you can't. Just don't give in it won't last forever after the sickness stay busy make yourself do things you don't want to, go to the gym, whatever to keep your mind off pain or being high. Please don't give up or in, I'll pray for your relief soon. God bless
    Sadmommy13 likes this.

  26. #956
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    Mommy - Hope you have a grand weekend. Do you have anything planned? I am thinking the weather must be getting pretty nice now down there. Has it helped any that you were in a somewhat normal routine this past week? I remember not that long ago the endless snow days you had and how hard that was on you. Things are so much better for you now. You got through that dark period, all when going some through some of the hardest days saying goodbye to the Beast. I am sure it will be nice for you to have a whole new season of being free. Again, have a wonderful weekend. You are doing great!
    Sadmommy13 likes this.

  27. #957
    Batting500 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffro6527 View Post
    Mommy!

    I totally hear you loud and clear and YES I agree 1000%! I have never personally really had to struggle with depression so that is why I said I am no one to tell others what to do. If you have 2 hours to spare, I seriously can't tell you how beneficial what Dr. Dan Engle has to say on Amber Lyon's podcast. If you believe that time is an investment in recovery then invest the 2 hours into listening to that. I think if nothing else it will help you gain a more solid idea if and what drugs are best for you.

    Another thing not many folks talk about that PureLife brought up is biofeedback brain mapping. I think you could at least see the areas of misfunction in your brain so you get on the right anti depressant should you decide that is the route you need to go.
    Jeffro and Purelife are dead on here. Learning to re-map our brains is the key. That's really quantum physics. It's the stuff Einstein spoke of. The ability to re-map without medication is not impossible but can be but understanding the way the brain works is of great import when trying to take meds to help in the endeavor.

    I am not a holistic only person, but I am one that believes that one day, if humans live long enough, think that we won't need meds. We will be able to re-define our brain-maps through practice. It's near impossible now although its what Buddhists and TMs try to do when they are in a state of medication but achieving true meditation is a near impossibility.

    With a grain of salt, watch this documentary. It breaks down psychology through M-Theory and quantum physics but don't be scared of that description as its highly understandable and very educational. It used to be on Netflix but I checked and it's not. Might want to try Amazon prime or something else but if you have a smart TV or you just want to stare at your computer, I HIGHLY recommend watching the following documentary.

    All the best to every one of you. This place is amazing.

    Here is the link:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0U1fTNB9X4



    ~Adam
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-10-2015 at 07:09 PM.

  28. #958
    Batting500 is offline New Member
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    Sorry, here is part 2 to the doc from above:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eqBvPyzRW0

  29. #959
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    Mommy - you must have had a busy weekend... Been thinking of you. Hope you are doing well. I know with spring and all of your property and animals it has got to keep you very busy. You have a large following Mommy. Just thought I would stop by to say I'm thinking of you.

  30. #960
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey My Crazy H Mamma....I know Your weekend was a Bit stressful....But I also Know that You are Titan Strong....and One Day at A Time ....your Gonna Do what YOU Need to do!! Just Popping on here to say How Proud I am Of YOU...and to show you some Love as well!! Hope Your Getting Some good rest Mamma...Very Important....as I know You stay Up Kinda Late sometimes.......I'm always here For You...You Know that....But Just Reminding You!! Love You Mamma...Stay Strong Just For THIS Day!!..xoxo

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