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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #91
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good for you making the right choice of the day. Hang tough. I a staying in bed for the day. Just tired and don't want to do anything. Stay strong.
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  2. #92
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I need to stay very close to this board today. Watching football at the in laws house. Where I know all too well what's in their medicine cabinet. Never have I "Stolen" from it, I never had to , bc mom in law is easily giving, they think I've had the flu for a week so all >> have to do is say "my head hurts" and she'd give me something, something I DONT need to have. Such temptation, the beast is near by me today. Please pray I'll be strong . 2 weeks tomorrow! I cannot, I will not, go backwards!!!
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  3. #93
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    This is what I remind myself of. That if I was to have one pill that it would only cure things for a few hours. Then I would still be here...then if I wanted to feel better it would be another pill. The only way to end the cycle is to train the brain of not having it. I know it's not very comforting........because comforting would be to say just having one would not hurt.....but we both know that's not true. This day will soon be over and we can add another day on the calendar.
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  4. #94
    Maggie1976 is offline Member
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    Thanks so much Randy, I think I will try my own tread there.
    Maggie

  5. #95
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    To My BFF sunshine, my strength Davepeer, DDave, & my "new friend" Maggie : thanks so much for writing me today. I need the support so much. I'm about to head home from in laws- with a super tired 3 yr old in tow- fighting me every step of the way. I've held on today. I can't lie, I looked at that medicine bottle in their cabinet several times today. Gosh it is a BEAST, it's calling my name so loudly..... Just take one before u head home.... Just one . But NO. I'm heading home & I have not fallen short, despite such a huge temptation in my face today. Oh my, today has been mentally the hardest day of my life. I'll be writing again shortly for your support. Once I get home & do the Dozens of chores that await me. Gosh , I'm battling right now. But I know in my heart I'm still a Titan!
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  6. #96
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    YOU ARE A TITAN!!!!!! You want this and although it's hard the strength is in you!!! I never doubted you for one minute today. I knew you would not take them. You have come so far, keep an eye on that appt.
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  7. #97
    Kit555 is offline New Member
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    Just wanted to say you're doing awesome! Physical WD is awful as we all know but the mental stuff is the worst. It's a lifelong struggle for us addicts. It won't always be as hard as it is at first but it's always going to be part of you. You just always have to remember 1 is too many 1000 is never enough. A few hours of feeling better will never be worth setting that clock back. Stay strong!
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  8. #98
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    mommy......I got so nervous reading your post today.....I was just hoping when I scrolled down that you didn't break....and thank god you didn't!! I know it was not an easy decision...especially this early in your recovery.....but the bottom line is that you held strong and I am so proud of for that. Temptation will always be there, but those are the moments that really tell you who you are and how bad you want this.
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  9. #99
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Thanks Maggie- if I can, you can too!

    Quote Originally Posted by Maggie1976 View Post
    I just wanted to say to you how much I admire your strength. I really wish that I could do the same thing. I am completely terrified of the WD. I have not been in full blown WD but I have had a taste and even a taste is too much for me to bear especially while caring for my 4 yr old son. He is very hard to handle very hyper active so I feel very trapped. It is nice to hear that you are doing this and it is possible , I just read your thread last night and I am rooting for you. Very proud of you. Never give up , I would do anything to be in your shoes right now, you have made it to a point that I feel is impossible for me right now. I am so happy for you
    Hi Maggie. I can't thank you enough for your post. To know that my journey may inspire someone else to find happiness (true NATURAL happiness), well.... That makes it even more worth it. Truly inspiring for me.

    I started reading threads of others about a month before I planned to jump & free myself from the beast (credit to Dave for that very accurate term!). I read stories of people who were years clean & HAPPY, and stories of people who had lost everything bc they never made the jump soon enough. I was looking at a fork in the road- to stop or not to stop- and from stories here, the choice was clear, esp bc I have a 3 yr old daughter. So I set my date, planned for it best I could, and I did it . During my planning, I was truly terrified, I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I was not strong enough to survive it, as many on this forum have. But turns out I am stronger than I thought. In hindsight, I should've user named myself THETITAN, but when I signed up I definitely didn't feel that way. I know exactly how you feel. But when YOU are ready, you CAN do this. It's been the hardest battle of my life, but I'm holding strong, still working, doing chores, taking care of over a dozen pets & a 3 yr old. Two weeks in & I'm alive!

    To be totally honest the physical part (while I won't sugar coat it- it was true misery for a few days), it passed easier than the mental part. You've gotta want it. But once you makeup your mind, you can do this. There are tons of ppl here to support you.... They carried me through the darkest times. You can be a Titan, too ! Please keep in touch, the support & connections here really help!
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  10. #100
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Dave- I was nervous as heck all day too!!!! Staring at that bottle was the hardest test of my life (and I've taken a lot of hard tests/pressure in decades of being in school). But I PASSED!! I'm still I shock. & "almost" regretting it, I'm so tired & still chores to be done. But I feel amazed that I didn't fall off the wagon. Didn't think I had it in me & for days have been doubting my mental strength. I think today was a huge step, right? To have the chance. & turn away. Haven't done that in years! Thanks for checking in on me! As always, it means a lot, you know how much!
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  11. #101
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Mommy....I was reading as well....and hoping you would make it!! Well Done...I know How Hard it can be.....when the BEAST is whispering in Your ear....Just one can make the rest of this evening feel a little better....But...Will It??? What I have found....In MY many attempts at this, was....After getting some time....If I cracked after going through what WE go through in these first few days/weeks....the guilt and shame I would feel, because I caved...Actually ruined any good feeling I would get.....Of course then I would just feel sorry for myself, and it was back on again....the BEAST had ME back in it's grips....and off I would go again, until I would Try again.....Over and Over...and Over I did this for Years.....My Gosh....You would think after what kind of Pain these WD's are like...WE would NEVER let ourselves get Caughtagain...?? But....WE think like YOU did today....Just One.....Never....EVER works that way.....Thank You Mommy.....I still am sick.....Flu or something.....But YOU just Made MY night....How....By Staying Strong!!! Made Me Proud of YOU...Soooo Much...Because I have been their....in that medicine cabinet....And I HAVE CAVED!! Believe ME....It might be Hard sometimes.....well....actually many times in the first few weeks...maybe Months....But....You don't EVER have to go through this again.....and If YOU take....Just ONE....Who knows if you'll ever get another chance at this...But worse Yet....Who would want to have to do it all over again??? Stay Strong Mommy!! Your inspiring MANY...Like ME!!..Surrender..Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become!!
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  12. #102
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    definitely a huge step today......it really brings a smile to my face reading your thread and seeing all the support you have received and how far you have come.....you should sleep well tonite knowing that you passed a test infinitely harder than any test you hand out to your students lol.
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  13. #103
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I can't say I don't feel proud! Shocked actually. Never ever would I have turned that chance down a month ago. It's partly to you all, I feel accountable. Like sunshine said earlier. I couldn't lie still count >>>> clean days to you all who have held me up thru this. I promise when I was staring at that bottle & shaking I thought about what I'd say to sll of you. Thanks just doesn't say it well enough . Love you all!
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  14. #104
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    First classes today. I'm freaking out! I felt so great yesterday for what I accomplished, now today feel awful again. Stomach in knots, I always took a pill before my morning classes & felt like I floated through those lectures like a champ. Now I sound like a nervous blubbering idiot. Oh my. The roller coaster that never ends. On top of the world last night, bottom of the barrel today.

    Hope davep you're feeling better, sunshine hope the suns out wherever you are (gloomy here, not helping!). Love to all & wishing you a strong happy day. Trying to ward off total panic attack at the moment! Ttyl
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  15. #105
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Moment by Moment Mommy......Good Days....bad days......YOU got thru last night....YOU can get thru this!! I know how hard it seems when your having that anxiety....bad days....TRUE....WE used to float thru Life...PERIOD!! Problem was...it wasn't REAL!!! YOU need to FEEL these emotions....takes time to get used to....but....it gives life a whole NEW meaning....Be PROUD that YOU are making it through these difficult Days!! I'm telling YOU.....And I know I repeat myself....but this thread of yours is making a BIG difference to somebody right now...Once again...including ME!!! Stay Strong Semi-happy MOMMY!! The Sun is shining out here in Seahawk Country by the way!!....Dignity...Believe in yourself and your values to the world...and walk through life with poise and grace!!xo
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  16. #106
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Ha! You made me laugh at that Seahawk country! I live in a house of Cheeseheads. So looks like a different, and much more fun battle, for u and I next weekend!

    I came home a little early, 1st day of class/lab is light anyway. I cried in my pillow for a bit. But picking myself back up. So glad to see your encouraging post!

    I probably did much better this morning than I felt like I did- it's the mental battle telling me I suck without my fuzzy feeling crutch. But how could I possibly go backwards after 14 whole days? I just can't, bottom line. I won't disappoint myself & I won't disappoint my people here. I'm hanging tough. By the grace of god, I'm picking myself back up from the downs. But whoa. This ain't easy!
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  17. #107
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    NO....it ain't EASY!!! That's why I continue to stay here and POST!! I REMEMBER....and believe ME...reading the newer people's posts are a GOOD Reminder to this ADDICT!!! It reminds ME how tough it was, and can still be sometimes....BUT...Like YOU....and I'm Happy to here YOU say that....I Can't Go backwards...I won't disappoint Myself or People Here.....That's GREAT!! That's also why I stay here....Continue to Stay Accountable....Even though it gets easier...the Battle will NEVER end...totally....Oh...I don't think about the BEAST much anymore....WELL....That's not totally true.....I just don't think about ever USING that animal again.....unless it's absolutely necessary....and EVEN then....VERY carefully....like making sure the Doc knows my Addiction problem....and having someone hold them for me!!..Bottom Line.....I NEVER want to have to Go through WD again.....I don't think I could do it again....And I NEED to remember that....How HARD IT WAS!! Check in with You later Mommy.....Nice JOB Today!! Stay Strong Mom!!.xo....And CRY as Much as YOU need to.....But don't forget to Laugh as well.....Congrat on 2 Weeks!!!
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  18. #108
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    That's Funny about the Cheeseheads.....I am a LONG TIME Packer Fan as well!! Like....I live here in the Great Pacific Northwest.....and am a Loyal 12 Seahawk Fan....But....If by some Miracle we Lost to the Packers....it would be a consolation to Me! Be tough with Rodgers not being 100%....But...who knows......
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  19. #109
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Well davep we will definitely have to converse next weekend over this championship. No way will my house be happy with a Seahawks win. I actually grew up near New Orleans, so I've always pulled for the saints (or the aints) depending on which season it was. But I moved away from home, married a packer fan. With NO & GB being on the same division, game days often get heated around my house (but saints stomped those packers this year!) no matter now though, My home will be much happier place with a cheesehead win next wknd. We shall see!

    Nice to talk about something besides ups & downs & battling for life.
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  20. #110
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Ha again! I just noticed you said. "If by some miracle we lose to packers" ........ It's on davep! I might even use this thread to talk a little game trash this week! All in fun, of course. A new positive focus to this nightmare! Thanks for staying around. It means a lot.

  21. #111
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    ohh so u wanna talk football ehhh??? .....Lets talk about the cowboys getting robbed by that spectacular catch by dez Bryant!! Greenbay game was a gift....your welcome lol.....and u dave.....I thought someone like u would have more sense than to be a seahawks fan!!!! cowboys beat you guys during the regular season and would have done it again In the conference championship game next week!! ughh im so frustrated with that greenbay game.
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  22. #112
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Hahaha! Cowboys getting robbed? After the previous weeks ref calls.... Well..., go pack go ! It was a good game though! Poor romo

    This is really making me smile
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  23. #113
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    hahaha .....touché ...I knew that was coming....set myself up for that one.
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  24. #114
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    No matter- this has put a huge smile on my face. Something in common besides addiction, something besides ups & downs. You guys are the best. Feeling pretty good tonight..... Thanks
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  25. #115
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Having a super down day. Haven't seen the sun in days. I have had literally a nonstop morning but the stress is overwhelming. I'm feeling pretty weak today. I would rather sit around on the evenings. & converse about football.

  26. #116
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Is it possible to feel almost withdrawal-like this far in? I feel SO bad today. Achy, sad, depressed, still sounded to me like an idiot was blubbering behind the podium. Today was a terrible, no good day, and I haven't really "craved" one in several days. I am weak today & would likely cave if given the chance. So.... I make sure to avoid the chance, right? Right.

    Strength must return soon. Feels like a whole week backwards, how badly I want that crutch today. Kinda hard to swallow that this really isn't ever going to end. Hoping you are all strong today- with sunny skies . Ttyl

  27. #117
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    hey mommy.....you have to look at this in a positive manner....your keeping yourself busy....and your dealing with life without a pill. All in All I think ur doing a damn good job.


    ohh and p.s.......I would love to talk football but my wounds are still fresh...and don't need you kicking me while im down lol
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  28. #118
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Maybe it has to do with the sun....idk.....I am having the same kind of day and we are one day apart. the one thing that keeps me going is the thought of taking a pill and having to live with the fast heart rate and over the top anxiety. Guess what came back today with a vengeance today....after almost two weeks. I can handle the anxiety but the fast heart rate....pounding out of my chest. At my wits end today. Then I show up for my sons appt...it was yesterday. Not only is it there no sun...but it has rained for two straight days. Can't go walking with it being cold and raining. I am with you mommy......what's up with this??? I did not sign up to go backwards!!!!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-13-2015 at 04:37 PM.

  29. #119
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I know sunshine, I feel we are on the same wavelength. I thought once I was this far in that each day should get progressively easier, not harder. The ups & downs, really feeling disappointed mostly. I was (and still am) terrified of the wds but I thought heading in that those would be worst, get thru that then it's all uphill. Not the case! I do think the rainy gloomy weather contributes. Just feeling downright depressed today. And hAting it. I WANT to feel better! Why is my mind powerful enough to convince me I needed pills, yet not powerful enough to convince me that I don't? I've proven all I can. Just out of steam & oh so weary. This really feels infinite right now. Like I'm stuck on a roller coaster that I can't choose to get off of, no matter how hard I try to convince my mind otherwise. Needing the sunshine here , too, sunshine! Right there with ya!

  30. #120
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    hey mommy.....sorry your having such a bad day. You were taking norcos for 4 or 5 years everyday if I remember correctly.....and you've been off for 2 weeks!! Your doing an amazing job ...but it does take time for your body and mind to heal...this will get better, I can promise you that.

    sunshine....you are also doing a great job and the two of you inspire me as well....you guys are doing this while taking care of a family.....you deserve more credit than you are giving yourselves.
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