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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #211
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Truce Mommy....and I'm not gonna call you anything else!! All said and Done.....but looks like Me and Cat might go a few rounds before Feb. 1st...?? Nah.....I just Hope The Birds play a whole Game in the Superbowl, and it's a Good Game.....Believe ME Cat....NE Is Tough, But that only makes it better....You DO know that Pete Carroll's last NFL coaching job was with New England....So, this is just fitting!! But, as with Aaron Rodgers.....I have the utmost respect for Tom Brady as well!! ENOUGH......for now
    Back to what WE are Seriously here for.....Hope you guys/gals have a better Monday Evening....than sounds like the early part of the day is going for U Mommy....and You...Sunshine!! DDave is right....I also PROMISE....better Days are coming....just like Spring....They will probably come hand in hand....Fact, I remember when I quit 2-14-13.....By the time spring was sprouting....things were REALLY looking UP!! Stay Strong You Two....and keep fighting the fight....TOGETHER!!.xo
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  2. #212
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I got out in the sun today, took kiddo to the park , now leaving the wholesale nutrition center with some advice & products for natural energy. This prework out stuff is expensive as heck! But if it helps builds natural energy, it'll be far more productive and healthy than a pill problem. Drinking my smoothie boost as I head back from the city to my waaaay in the backwoods country home. I'll just say this: I darn sure better feel pepped up enuf to finish chores when I get home, after the price tag on these supplements! We shall see. Am I getting too desperate? Lol

  3. #213
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    One more thought for now: Speaking of the super bowl, halftime show. Before I make this comment official I must first add a disclaimer. I was raised on classic rock,dad taught me to play acoustic guitar (which I really should pick back up). Point is: we were allowed only to listen to radio stations that played classic rock so that's what runs I'm my blood. However, if any of us were to listen to Katy Perry's song Grace of God, although it was written about a love breakup, if is so very fitting for a pill breakup as well. By the grace of god...... I'm picking myself up & moving along. It's a very inspirational song! Esp for being a pop song!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-19-2015 at 07:05 PM. Reason: Typo
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  4. #214
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    hahaha I must have missed that bookie comment ....literally made me laugh out loud. I also missed that cheap shot you through at my boy Romo!!

    .....and if you do happen to lose your job for not having the class ready ......can I suggest you become a comedian ....2016 champion mommy!!
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  5. #215
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Once again, proud to have made you LOL.... wishful thinking 2016 championship Dave

    I think I've gotten enough work done to keep my teaching job, however it is nice to know that good ole funny me is returning, without the fuzzy crutch. For being such a pessimist, I've always been able to get a laugh outta folks. Nice to know I'll have your support in case I end up needing my back up career
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  6. #216
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice Job Today Mommy!! By the way....what did you pick up for some natural energy?? Like the way You sound Today.....I know....I know....Your certainly not where you'd like to be....YET?? But.....You are another Day closer to More and More Good Days!! Just keep appreciating the Decent Days....even if they aren't Fantastic Days....Getting through.....especially this early in to it....BE PROUD!! Like I continue to say....Many Give Up in the first 5-7 Days.....Like I did...Too Many times!! believe Me...YOU don't have to EVER go through this again.....and If YOU continue doing what your doing.....I don't think YOU EVER WILL!! Being tested like yesterday....and getting through it.....HUGE STEP!!! Huge VICTORY for YOU....and YOUR followers on here....believe ME....reading what you got through yesterday Gave others....Maybe just reading still......HOPE!!! Keep on Fighting You Titan!! Stay Strong Mommy!!...Acceptance...Allow thing to be as they are...and move forward with creating your best life!! When you accept the reality of your life, thereby demonstrating your willingness to make a conscious choice, you honor the wisdom, strength, and tenacity of the divine spirit within you!!xo..
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  7. #217
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I really was kind of overwhelmed by all of the options, but I took the advice of the folks at the store and bought a whey protein pre-workout mix to make smoothies with. Then an amino acid supplement for after workout. If they steered me wrong and robbed me blind, please speak up if you know better! I'm definitely no expert at working out, but I'm going to give this my all! I barely weigh a hundred pounds after these last few weeks, so I definitely need to build, not lose. But I figure the more muscle I build, the more energy I''ll have, eventually.... at least I feel like I'm doing something besides sitting around waiting to feel better. Gives me a goal and a purpose. Hoping it will help me mentally recover a little faster than it feels like I am right now.
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  8. #218
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by davepeerson View Post
    Nice Job Today Mommy!! By the way....what did you pick up for some natural energy?? Like the way You sound Today.....I know....I know....Your certainly not where you'd like to be....YET?? But.....You are another Day closer to More and More Good Days!! Just keep appreciating the Decent Days....even if they aren't Fantastic Days....Getting through.....especially this early in to it....BE PROUD!! Like I continue to say....Many Give Up in the first 5-7 Days.....Like I did...Too Many times!! believe Me...YOU don't have to EVER go through this again.....and If YOU continue doing what your doing.....I don't think YOU EVER WILL!! Being tested like yesterday....and getting through it.....HUGE STEP!!! Huge VICTORY for YOU....and YOUR followers on here....believe ME....reading what you got through yesterday Gave others....Maybe just reading still......HOPE!!! Keep on Fighting You Titan!! Stay Strong Mommy!!...Acceptance...Allow thing to be as they are...and move forward with creating your best life!! When you accept the reality of your life, thereby demonstrating your willingness to make a conscious choice, you honor the wisdom, strength, and tenacity of the divine spirit within you!!xo..
    Thanks again so much for all of the support you have given and continue to give to me and to us, in the middle of this battle. It means a lot that you still keep coming back. I feel a million times better than I did 3 weeks (yes a WHOLE 21days!) ago. I do feel that the worst is behind me. I don't want a pill anymore. For ME to say that, that's huge for me!
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  9. #219
    davepeerson is offline Platinum Member
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    Your welcome Mommy.....Believe ME....It helps ME just as much to be here for You Newly Free from the BEAST peeps!! Not only to offer help and advice of what MY experience with this journey has been....but...to read and listen to YOU and Sunshine's....and Butterfly...Maggie.....All of You guys/gals new to this journey of beating the BEAST...To hear your Daily grinds....and gutting it out...Not only reminds ME why I don't EVER want to go back to that way of Life......But makes me feel So good to hear you ALL getting thru it..One Day At A Time.....So important for YOU ALL to be staying in touch....Like your doing....Helped ME like I can't even explain....to have the support I received back in My first few months!! And.....21 DAYS....WOW....That is unbelievable....probably seems like forever to YOU...but to ME....seems like just a few days ago you Jumped.......Congrats Mommy....You...Sunshine...Other Sunshine...Butterfly.....are ALL doing so well!! Be Proud.....This is NOT EASY....as you know....But....You are getting farther and farter away from that DAY ONE....Never having to Go their AGAIN.....EVER!!! Keep doing the great job of Posting.....You are seriously a TITAN!!! Stay Strong Mommy....and Hope and Pray for a good day for YOU tomorrow!! Just over 100lbs....Yeah.....Protein will Help....xo
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  10. #220
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Dave you are correct...the 21 days feels like a slow pace!!!

    I actually just came back to read your post again from today. You have your humor back and are making others laugh. Something to be proud of!!!
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  11. #221
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    hey mommy .......I had a close call at work today that I feel I have to share with you .......a guy I work with had work done to his teeth and brought in the bottle of pills....as he was telling me about his terrible experience at the dentist, he asked me if I wanted a few of his pills. Now mind you ive been off subs for 3 years and off of any kind of drugs for about 5 1/2 years.....and I'd be lying to you if it didn't take everything I had to say no. I don't know why this time was so hard....ive turned down many people w/o a problem over the years....but this time for some reason I actually contemplated taking a couple. I think I owe a you and everyone else here on the forum for my strength today....just goes to show you that we can slip up at any given moment.

  12. #222
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Dave I had to chime in and comment....first who offers their pain meds to people...,and in a work environment. It's like the time my husband came home and told me how work was passing out beer for St. Pats day....sign the form...two beer limit. This was in an office setting!

    Good for you. Congrats on fighting the beast. I am so glad we are all being strong!!!
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  13. #223
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Dave- it's nice to know that somehow, those of us struggling through early stages right now and depending on you all for hope, we could return the favor of strength. I guess while the hard battle passes, it's always a part of us. That's the reality I need to hear right now.

    Someone posted on my thread a while back: One will always be too many.... 1000 will never be enough.
    That's what has kept me out of the medicine cabinet temptations so far. There's a lot of truth in that statement, regardless of your stage of recovery, I guess. Thanks, as always, for the reality check Good job today.......
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  14. #224
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    So just to follow up on my own thread, since I posted here about getting the supplements, but only a quick warning this morning on sunshines thread about the outcome. I definitely do not recommend drinking preworkout supplements, esp those "free sample" types prepared by the nutritional experts. Seriously,,still don't see how that stuff is legal..... I suppose u build tolerance for it like everything else. But lesson learned, once again, baby steps!

    Although I have slept very little today (last night) today was an ok day, I couldn't help but laugh at myself. So pumped about that energy initially, to find myself hating it during the night. I'm going to focus on the positive..... I didn't like the speed nearly as much as I used to, natural or not, I'm so tired. & more thankful than ever, for just sleeping well.....

  15. #225
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    The important thing here is did you get the chores done? Your whole house should have been sparkling clean....I an still laughing about your free sample.

    I think you really need to research these supplements maybe ask around the board. Ask Randy he will know... I don't know if some of that stuff isn't adidcting. If you coukd get instant speed off of that stuff and took it all the time what does your body do when it doesn't have it. I asked my pharmacist about the St. John's vitamin and he said stay away. When I researched some people actually had issues coming off it. So now before I take anything I research to see if you have wds. After all this I am scared to take anything.
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  16. #226
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    i could have told you pre-workout was a bad idea lol. They are loaded with sugars and will make your heart beat out of your chest....trust me I used the a few times.

    sunshine ....to answer your question...It was a bit weird ...but hes a good guy ive worked with him for a couple years....I just don't think he knew what he was doing when he offered, think he was just trying to get rid of them or be funny....who knows....but the important part is that I stayed away.

    That medicine cabinet will always be calling our name.....we just have to stay strong and ignore temptation.
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  17. #227
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I must say I saw your post to praying and it was so amazing. I wanted to post so hopefully when they come back they will see support and know they can do it. You nailed it!! Ii took me forever to whip out a few sentences I felt like everything i was typing was coming out wrong. I read your post earlier and was happy you cancelled labs... knew I coukd count on your post. Sorry know it's not a good thing but felt like you were close by today.
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  18. #228
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I should also add that I tried the smoothie (of my OWN making- i.e. minus the legal speed added by the sales guy) today, adding only a quarter of the suggested amount of the supplement, and drinking it first thing this morning. I added all dark berries, raspberries, blueberries, etc, as those are the ones highest in antioxidants, and it was a good, and fillng, breakfast, healthier than a sausage biscuit. My walk was easy to turn into a run this afternoon, and I did feel more energy. I am going to the gym this afternoon, with my friend who wants to be a personal trainer. He knows I am trying to build back muscle.... slowly & patiently. I have lost near 20 lbs throughout this whole ordeal (not just since jumping- planning the jump for months had me so stressed I didn't eat well long before the wds started). I've always been a small build person, so I'm just hoping to build muscle back (just a little- no body building look for me!) in place of the weight I have lost. The muscle should build my metabolism, which should (hopefully) aid in my energy coming back on its own.

    I know I shouldn't depend on the supplements to give me energy, but if they help me get back in the routine of exercising as a HOBBY, instead of just chasing pills being my only hobby- that seems a better route than I have taken in the past. Crazy to me how I neglected ALL of my hobbies, that I used to love, all for the love of chasing a fuzzy (and very temporary) feeling. Ready for the day I start feeling not just better, but like ME again!
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  19. #229
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Dave in the town I live in and in the work environment I came from that would be taboo.... Xanax for moms is acceptable but pain pills......omg... Sorry did not mean to be so shocked but I have not seen that side of pills. I am glad he was trying to be nice and share with good intentions. Even happier you said no thank you and appreciated the kindness.
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  20. #230
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Go for it!!! If it helps and it is doing you good then go for it!! Without the illegal side to it...lol.... Did you use frozen fruits or fresh? I think I am going to get a blender and jump on with you less the stuff as I get very jittery and my heart rate is still up from the anxiety. But I love the thought of a clean house with laundry done and all that it is helping you. I must say I feel extremely robbed I have gained 8 pds. Been trying to eat more protein and had an ensure instead of skipping breakfast. Not to mention the lack of motivation. I am almost 5'7 so trying to keep a size 4 is not happening for now. Oh well that's the last of my worries.
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  21. #231
    praying4hope is offline Junior Member
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    Hang in there Mommy! I am right behind you by about 2 days- about to start. I said the same thing about quitting around christmas time/ New years. You can do it!! Pleeease tell me it is possible and you get to the other side. I will be rooting for you, and also with you very very soon.
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  22. #232
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Dave in the town I live in and in the work environment I came from that would be taboo.... Xanax for moms is acceptable but pain pills......omg... Sorry did not mean to be so shocked but I have not seen that side of pills. I am glad he was trying to be nice and share with good intentions. Even happier you said no thank you and appreciated the kindness.
    Sunshine -- the pain pill as a career in sales is huge where I live. Get this-,it's so ironic- the teacher I replaced when I finished grad school and moved here, faaaar away from my family, I got the job bc he was fired- for giving students points for bringing him pain pills. Crazy how fate falls into place. Before taking this job, I was a good "partier" in college, but never had the same things, I knew better than to rely on the same kind of crutch everyday. Not until I moved here, where everyone I met was in the business of passing out pills, teachers, nurses , ppl that seemed steady enough to trust, only then did buying other ppls meds seem ok to me. But it's def a growing culture! Scary for our kids!

  23. #233
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    You nailed it how scary it is with the kids. I read the comeback kid threads from time to time and feel happy I am posting on myself as I was strong enough to not let it go into oxy..percs, etc.. The hardship of being so helpless with your kids is heart wrenching. I know it's in the city where I live but the part of town I live in its all about alcohol. The moms I am sure have there pills but it's all under wraps. That's unreal about the previous teacher. My pm dr. told me its going to get harder and harder to get. And the rules are getting stricter. As the states are cracking down and putting more requirements on them. Correct there are so many other ways to get. Another reason I wanted out I wasn't to happy about paying outrageous cost for being drug tested for every drug under the sun every other visit.

  24. #234
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by praying4hope View Post
    Hang in there Mommy! I am right behind you by about 2 days- about to start. I said the same thing about quitting around christmas time/ New years. You can do it!! Pleeease tell me it is possible and you get to the other side. I will be rooting for you, and also with you very very soon.
    Oh girl, I am just at over 3 weeks clean. I took my last pill when we left my sisters house after celebrating Christmas (it was Dec 29th that I swallowed the last one). I decided that I HAD to do it then, bc of my job... my husband and I both work at a college that closes over Christmas break. So I had about a week off, where he would be around as well, and I could just plan for my "self-induced flu".

    I have been through the ringer in the last 3 weeks, I cannot lie and will not sugar coat something that's not meant to be sweet, but I'm over the hardest physical part, for sure. The mental battle really began once the physical part eased up, and I realized how disappointed I was that it wasn't anywhere near over. And now I realize even more that this battle will ALWAYS be a part of who I am, but I WILL one day be able to be proud of my strength, heck... I already am!

    In all seriousness though, if you just swallowed your last, I remember that feeling.... I cried all of the way home from my sisters (a 5 hr drive). I wrote a contract with my husband, about him helping me not to relapse during those first hard days, and in return for my acceptance to change, he basically took on the single dad role through all of this. I seriously felt like I checked out on my daughter for a few days.... freaked out about missing out on time wth her. But that was the pills telling me I needed them to be there for her. I have faith I'll be a much more present and BETTER Mommy after the beast doesn't rule my every thought. And those days are already here. I do wish I felt more "normal" after 3 weeks in, but I'm just happy to be seeing the light, even though I can't quite reach it yet.

    Hang in there. The support of your husband will be key, as will the support of your FRIENDS on this board. No secrets necessary, finally. Keep fighting when you wake tomorrow, read our stories. You can do this, if YOU REALLY WANT IT! We are all pullng for you!

  25. #235
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    mommy.......you seem like you are turning into your old self.....I can see that just from reading your posts. Its crazy how we lose interest in all the things we love to do when are getting high.....nothing else matters and its really sad. Before you know it you'll be picking that guitar up again!!

    also....if you want to keep on some of that muscle from working out ....your gonna have to take a protein shake after working out to keep those gains
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  26. #236
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Oh girl, I am just at over 3 weeks clean. I took my last pill when we left my sisters house after celebrating Christmas (it was Dec 29th that I swallowed the last one). I decided that I HAD to do it then, bc of my job... my husband and I both work at a college that closes over Christmas break. So I had about a week off, where he would be around as well, and I could just plan for my "self-induced flu".

    I have been through the ringer in the last 3 weeks, I cannot lie and will not sugar coat something that's not meant to be sweet, but I'm over the hardest physical part, for sure. The mental battle really began once the physical part eased up, and I realized how disappointed I was that it wasn't anywhere near over. And now I realize even more that this battle will ALWAYS be a part of who I am, but I WILL one day be able to be proud of my strength, heck... I already am!

    In all seriousness though, if you just swallowed your last, I remember that feeling.... I cried all of the way home from my sisters (a 5 hr drive). I wrote a contract with my husband, about him helping me not to relapse during those first hard days, and in return for my acceptance to change, he basically took on the single dad role through all of this. I seriously felt like I checked out on my daughter for a few days.... freaked out about missing out on time wth her. But that was the pills telling me I needed them to be there for her. I have faith I'll be a much more present and BETTER Mommy after the beast doesn't rule my every thought. And those days are already here. I do wish I felt more "normal" after 3 weeks in, but I'm just happy to be seeing the light, even though I can't quite reach it yet.

    Hang in there. The support of your husband will be key, as will the support of your FRIENDS on this board. No secrets necessary, finally. Keep fighting when you wake tomorrow, read our stories. You can do this, if YOU REALLY WANT IT! We are all pullng for you!
    Oh and one more thing. If you have a young kid, you certainly are familiar with the song "Let it Go". That is my daughter's current favorite performance song (its the most adorable thing in the world to watch.... and remember for a change, too). Although most of us parents try desperately to get this particular song OUT of our heads, I suggest you keep that mantra when it comes to the housework you won't be motivated to do..... that's what got me through... Just "let it go".... the dusting, the cleaning, none of it is worth taking another pill for. When soon enough you'll let go of the crutch you were TRICKED into thinking you needed to get it all done.

    As far as supplement advice, I gave it a try.... you'll need to look to sunshine1112's thread for the full story I believe. So, I know what did NOT work, and I will certainly continue posting as to what I find DOES work. All of the survivors o this board swear by exercise. So I am currently focusing my "addictive personality" on increasing my endorphins the natural way (ok maybe not all natural based on the smoothie incident ) but better for me than pills! Trust the clean people, they won't steer you wrong!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-21-2015 at 09:41 PM. Reason: typos
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  27. #237
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by DDAVE45 View Post
    mommy.......you seem like you are turning into your old self.....I can see that just from reading your posts. Its crazy how we lose interest in all the things we love to do when are getting high.....nothing else matters and its really sad. Before you know it you'll be picking that guitar up again!!

    also....if you want to keep on some of that muscle from working out ....your gonna have to take a protein shake after working out to keep those gains
    Thanks Dave. That's more than just encouraging. I actually did pick up the guitar today. I remember all of the keys, except than darn G chord. My little hands never were big or strong enough to hit it very well. But at least now I'm trying. I could play Pink Floyd "Wish you were here" like yu were listening to Zepplin yourself. Acoustic version anyway.

    THANK YOU. I'd never have gotten this far without the hope you have provided.
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  28. #238
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sadmommy13 View Post
    Thanks Dave. That's more than just encouraging. I actually did pick up the guitar today. I remember all of the keys, except than darn G chord. My little hands never were big or strong enough to hit it very well. But at least now I'm trying. I could play Pink Floyd "Wish you were here" like yu were listening to Zepplin yourself. Acoustic version anyway.

    THANK YOU. I'd never have gotten this far without the hope you have provided.
    But, you coulda warned me about the night I was in for after the pre-workout smoothie!!! lol

  29. #239
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Grace of God Lyrics

    I am posting these lyrics bc this song is what woke me up, brought me back to the reality that the life I was living was just a rapidly passing fog. I have already "looked in the mirror and decided to stay", after lying on the bathroom floor far too many times. Now just waiting on the day when "every morning, there is no more mourning". I know it is coming.

    By the Grace of God
    Song by Katy Perry
    Was 27 surviving my return to Saturn
    A long vacation didn't sound so bad
    Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron melting
    Running on empty, so out of gas
    Thought I wasn't enough and I wasn't so tough
    Laying on the bathroom floor

    We were living on a fault line
    And I felt the fault was all mine
    Couldn't take it any more
    By the grace of God (there was no other way)
    I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
    I put one foot in front of the other and I
    Looked in the mirror and decided to stay
    Wasn't gonna let love take me out
    That way
    I thank my sister for keeping my head above the water
    When the truth was like swallowing sand
    Now every morning
    There is no more morning oh I
    Can finally see myself again

    I know I am enough
    Possible to be loved

    Like I said originally, replace the word "love" with "drug" and it fits. I swear she wrote it just for me!
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  30. #240
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sunshine1112 View Post
    Go for it!!! If it helps and it is doing you good then go for it!! Without the illegal side to it...lol.... Did you use frozen fruits or fresh? I think I am going to get a blender and jump on with you less the stuff as I get very jittery and my heart rate is still up from the anxiety. But I love the thought of a clean house with laundry done and all that it is helping you. I must say I feel extremely robbed I have gained 8 pds. Been trying to eat more protein and had an ensure instead of skipping breakfast. Not to mention the lack of motivation. I am almost 5'7 so trying to keep a size 4 is not happening for now. Oh well that's the last of my worries.
    I used both frozen and fresh. Just what the local grocery had. Frozen raspberries, fresh blueberries & blackberries. Added a banana and almond milk, to make it more like a milkshake instead of a fruit slush. There are literally thousands of recipes on the web (I found mine on pintrest) for all natural smoothies (minus the should-be-illegal additives)

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