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Detox in full force, need help
  1. #1
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Detox in full force, need help

    Today is day 2. I've been reading posts here for a while, decided to set my quit date for after Christmas, for my family, but I'm afraid I made a big mistake. Was I not ready?

    Been taking 4-5 norco for 3 yrs , with the occasional bad day binge of more, and oxy whenever I could get it. I have a 3 yr old and detox is worse than I imagined having to care for her at the same time.

    Today I'm at my such a low. I feel like I'm going to die. Someone tell be this passes, and passes quickly. I know the truth, I just really need help. Near giving up!

  2. #2
    eyenstyne is offline New Member
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    It will get better, I am sure you can barely come up with a reason to live right now, but I promise you it will pass in time. You worked yourself out of a job, you can't go back to work thinking if you start using again you will be rehired. The party is over, pay the Piper and don't ever look back.

  3. #3
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Nothing left to give the piper at the moment. I feel like this will never stop, but it's getting worse instead of better. I'm doing vitamins, Imodium, all the suggestions. But nothing will fix the depression. I'm so sad. & hopeless. I really never want to feel this again.

  4. #4
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    It will pass. You need to do stuff to get the endorphines back to your mind. We have been feeding them artificial and now they have none. I am on day 6 and has not been so bad as the excercise has helped. It will pass focus on what's important. Your 3 year old needs you!!! Be thankful you stopped at 3 as it couls have easily gone to 5 and then 10. Keep your eye on the prize it's all there for the taking. I doubted myself so much if I really wanted it as well. Did not understand why I had such an attachment when I all I wanted to do was quit. I still question if I want it bad enough but as others have said its are mind playing tricks.
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  5. #5
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you for the encouragement. I'm still at the point that the cravings are so intense. I'm trying to get moving but it's so difficult just to feed and bathe & change my daughter, she is the only reason I've been able to get off the couch. She doesn't understand. I've just told her that Mommy has the flu.

    If I could move more, I'd love to exercise. It used to be something I loved to do, before the meds became my only hobby. It's not above 30 degrees here so fresh air outside isn't real pleasant these days.

    I just pray tonight brings sleep. The stress of tossing & turning all nite is hardest for me. I really want to give up but for my daughter I am trying to stay the course. These forums have probably saved my life. Reading them is what made me decide to set a quit date, and other's success stories give me hope. But now, in the middle if it all, I just want to feel normal again. Even one more hour of this feels unimaginable. Thanks for responding to me at my darkest hour.

  6. #6
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    sadmommy ...I know it seems like your world is crashing down on you right now.....but really your life is just beginning. Its not easy doing what your doing right now....so give yourself some credit. So your on day 2......what were you taking before you stopped and how much?
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  7. #7
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    I know how hard it is to excercise when it's cold and gray outside. Honestly you will need to find some form of activity and excercise once you feel better. Have you tried otc sleep aides? Can you have someone help with your daughter foe a day or a few hours? I know the cravings are hard. They get better.

  8. #8
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I started taking hydro about 5 yrs ago, quit quite easily actually when I found out I was pregnant with her. But had csection, got a script, and downhill ever since. Usually just 4 a day, but always more if I had access, would take anything I could get really. Some bad days up to 10 norco.

    Set my quit date for after Christmas, thought I was ready. But I just feel so bad right now I'm filled with doubt, regret, sadness. I deleted all my hook up numbers from my phone, so I really meant for this to be the time to change. But the cravings are worse than I ever thought. I think it's mostly in my head, but oh what a powerful head it is.

    My family is all very far away. I'm a teacher (college professor actually ) so I have 5 more days before I really have to feel presentable. Just doesn't seem like 5 days will be enough.

    I have the sweetest daughter. She's trying to take care of Mommy's flu, doctoring me with her play dr kit, bringing me pillows & the remote. She is a godsend. As it would be easier physically if she went elsewhere, I think that would take away the only light i have left.

    Honestly, this forum is the only thing keeping me from trying to recover the hook up phone numbers I deleted. You guys give hope. And I can't thank you enough for responding to me.

  9. #9
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    With 5 more days you will be thru the worst physical part of it. Maybe low on energy but try some of the energy stuff from the Thomas recipe. It will be good to be out of the house on Monday and be able to keep busy. The cravings get better. I am on day 6 after tapering for 6 weeks. I also went off soma and tramadol as well. It has been tough but I finally feel a little better. I know you doubt yourself but don't. Your so close now!!! Keep posting with your progress.
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  10. #10
    justbeingme is offline Member
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    I admire the courage and determination you all have. Some things in life are worth the effort. Like YOU ! Children ! Some lost EVERYTHING to their addiction. Keep it up !
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  11. #11
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Just being me- are u are survivor of this yourself??

  12. #12
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    soon to be happymommy13................believe it or not you are an inspiration to many people here whether u know it or not....I guarantee you that many people are reading your thread and are inspired by what you are doing. With that being said......it is up to you now to finish this......ur mind and body will take time to heal...after all, you didn't get to this point in a couple days.....so you have to realize that this wont just go away in a couple days. I'd say by next week most of your physical symptoms should dissipate ....the last thing to return will be sleep. Your going to be put to the test both physically and mentally.....but keep telling yourself that you will beat this......do this for yourself, but more importantly.....do it for your daughter. There is a whole new exciting world out there waiting for you. I cant even explain to you how great it is to be sober. Ive been clean from drugs for about 5 1/2 years now ...and clean from subs for about 2....and I really cant tell you how great it is. It truly is rewarding ....I still have bad and good days like everyone else (mood wise) , but I now deal with my problems like a normal person with a clear head. I know you can do this...please stick it out and you will not regret it.

  13. #13
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Dave - I so needed to hear that right now. Thank you. Im going to lie beside my sweetheart, whether I sleep or not, and pray that this change will feel welcome soon. I really appreciate your writing back.

  14. #14
    justbeingme is offline Member
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    I am not a survivor. I was an enabler. I'm hoping the mother of our 4 month old daughter will have the courage and determination like you and others when ready. You give me hope for her. Thanks
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  15. #15
    rennie86 is offline Member
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    I just wanted to say hello and offer my support. You are doing such an amazing thing! I also have a 3 year old at home and I can only imagine what it's like during a detox... I am currently tapering off of subs but I will have to detox too here in the next couple of months. I will be doing that while working and taking care of my 3 year old son. You are doing a great job! Your daughter is lucky! You will be feeling better soon; hang in there!
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  16. #16
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hope you got sleep last night. You have so much support here take it all in and let it give you strength? Stay strong!!!!!

  17. #17
    lightman is offline New Member
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    Ok your doing great if you can overcome withdrawals I really think you can do anything! I wouldn't wish withdrawals on the person I hate the most. here is what will HELP, but will only slightly take the edge off here is a list.

    vitamin b pills- for more energy this will give you energy if you can buy vitamin b100 that is the best vitamin.
    potassium- it helps with the RLS at night time any threw out the day.
    sugar- actually gives you a little bit of energy.
    DXM which is in cough syrup actually helps a lot it made my hands itch a bit, but worth it.
    benadryl- helps with sleep and overall running nose.
    NETFLIX!- You will be bored of everything just watch a new series or movies to help pass the time to not think about it.

    now the tricky ones to get for some people.

    Marijuana- REALLY helps with the craving and the feeling of having your skin crawl just get high as hell I had a lot of weed and was stoned 99% of the time. if you were to do any "drug" then do this one not addictive and feels good

    xanax- never had xanax for my withdrawals but I know it's better than valium. same with valium but better.
    valium- helps A LOT with the cravings and sleep

    That's all I know that works for me when hope this works and yes the first day is always the easiest just don't give in you have a kid I say around the 4th day you will feel a lot better I'm sure of it since you were not doing 100+mg a day and only 3-4 norco just for a long time.

  18. #18
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I did sleep a little. Not much but I'll take it. I got out of the bed only bc the little one says "wake up mommy the suns awake, let's do playdoh!" I really want some coffee but am afraid of what that will do to my awful shaky legs. Hard part doesn't feel anywhere near over yet. But I swear posting and reading from you all makes me feel a purpose. Thanks all.

    I do have option to go to a sub doctor but really can't afford it. They said I could come in today . But I'm equally scared of having to taper the subs one day, plus I won't be able to pay bills any better with the subs prices than with the street pill prices. So that seems like what should be last resort. If I can just live thru a couple more days, even a couple hours, or even each minute, maybe I can beat this on my own.

  19. #19
    New Better is offline Member
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    Sadmommy,

    There should be no need for subs, this will be over before you know it, I know it don't seem like it. You have been on a fairly low dose over a fairly short time, many have kicked this habit from much higher doses, over much longer time, not saying it's easy, but certainly doable. Hang in there, it will get better.

    -Chris
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  20. #20
    TheSonsflower is offline New Member
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    I was on the Fentanyl Transdermal Patch 50mcg {every 48 hours} for a 4 years. Seven years ago... I tapered down to 25mcg with Percocet or Norco for breakthrough pain. So, all in all I have been on Opiates for over 12 years. The first week of November I kept the Fentanyl Patch on until it fell off, 4th day, and transitioned to just Percocet 1/2 pill - 3 x's per day for one week. Then transitioned to, Norco 1/2 pill - 3 x's per day since... for seven weeks. I have now been off the Fentanyl for nearly eight weeks, the Norco takes the edge off except for I have zero energy during the day. And nights, major withdrawals - I wake up several times a night with restlessness, cramps in my feet, night sweats/chills, headache, stuffed up sinuses and constant sneezing. I am having problems tapering down from 1/2 pill 3 x's per day = 1 -1/2 Norco per day. QUESTIONS: 1) Is it "cold turkey" from here? 2) If so, how long does it take for brain receptors to be rid of the Opiates and for my own Neurotransmitters to takeover? 3) Is there anyway to speed up the transitions of my Neurotransmitters to take over?
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-02-2015 at 01:22 PM.

  21. #21
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Sons flower- maybe someone else here knows how to answer your questions bc I certainly don't know. I've had fent patches, only small pieces occasionally, when I could buy them off of friends. I know the tapering you've done should make a world of difference, but at the moment (day 3) my cold turkey decision feels like total >>>>. You may need advice from someone not in the middle of the fog I'm currently in, and someone with better experience than myself.

  22. #22
    New Better is offline Member
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    Sonsflower,

    I have no experience with Fentanyl patches, but it appears that you have done a good job tapering, the small amount of Norco you are doing is probably just holding you in a constant withdraw, it may be time to just get it over with ? It will take some time for your brain to keep up with your needs, it is trying now, after a month or so you should notice a difference, but I would say 90 days you should be more comfortable, it takes time. Exercise and items from the "Thomas Recipe" should help to speed things up. I afraid that you need to get through the physical symptoms for now. The mental part takes time, just as it took time to get to this point, it takes time to get back. You also may want to start your own thread, as others will be able to help and follow you better.

    -Chris
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  23. #23
    eyenstyne is offline New Member
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    Fentanyl patches will beat you up. I never once stuck one to my body, I always chewed them like a piece of bubblegum. I've had some of the worst withdrawals ever with those things and they raise your tolerance through the roof. If you are down to 1.5 pills per day I would suggest jumping ship, tear off the band-aid (no pun intended) and do the time it takes to feel better. Make yourself move even though you will not want to move at all. The less you do while detoxing, the less you will want to do. Your own energy (what little you have) will in turn create more energy. I basically spent 30 days alone inside my house and wouldn't even answer a phone. All it did was make me want to do even less. The depression and even more the anxiety was so awful. I was laid up from surgery, but truth be told, I was my own worst enemy because I could have done more than I did. I didn't follow anyone's advice because I can be a real stubborn SOB at times. I knew deep down inside I was done with the roller coaster and time was my one true friend.

    I absolutely should have been in a rehab facility considering my age, my years of completely abusing myself and because of the level I was at when I went cold turkey. There is a certain amount of shame I have felt from being a Junky, however, since I have gotten clean I can now be honest with those around me. I hid my addiction for over 2 decades, but not anymore.

    I am on day 52 and will never go back. I know in my heart I am finished with that garbage.

  24. #24
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Anytime I got fent patches I chewed them up too. It wasn't often I could get any, but like I said, I ALWAYS took the 4 or so norcos per day, but if I had access to more to took up to 10 sometimes, also turned occasionally to oxy, to fent, Anything I found, I took it.

    Today started out ok, afternoon has been pretty bad. I tried to walk around the house, even mustered up about 3.5 jumping jacks before I felt like dying & realized it's a bit too early for jumping jacks, ha. My daughter got a kick out of it though, and that even made me laugh a little bit..... Whaaat? A laugh already?

    I cancelled the sub dr appt. I don't want to go through all that if I can bear this on my own. I feel crappier this afternoon than I have yet, but I guess it's got to get worse before it gets better. Just praying better comes sooooooon.

  25. #25
    eyenstyne is offline New Member
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    Keep on fighting the good fight. You are facing it head on and I feel you have got this. If you are laughing already that is a really great sign. I was probably 3 weeks clean and went to the fridge to get something and I started whistling, it actually kind of scared me a little, but then I realized, "WOW! I JUST WHISTLED!" It's not even something I would usually do, but for some reason it just happened. That was a humongous sign for me to finally feel like, "I'm going to beat this thing!"

    The only thing I would love to hear from you, sadmommy, is that you aren't doing this for your daughter or your significant other, you are doing this for YOU. This is the one time where all your selfishness needs to come into play. All the years of selfishness you put forth while you were using should not end just yet. This is honestly the time you need it the most.

    Your number one priority right now should be you. I know you have a 3 year old to take care of as well, but for your own sake, don't be afraid to ask for help. I am a total hypocrite by telling you that because I drive people crazy sometimes because I never ask for it. I like helping more than I like being helped, but life would be much easier if I were not like that, Please, do yourself a favor and don't be like me.
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  26. #26
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    That's a really good point. I'm not sure I've ever put myself first, except hustling to find another fix. I finished college & grad school under the major my parents wanted, which turned out well for me career-wise, but still wasn't my choice really. I have the same tendency to put other's happiness front seat, mine in back.

    I guess I just feel like I have wasted so much of my daughter & husbands money & time with my habits, my Jekyll. & Hyde like moods, that I owe them this. But you're totally right that making a better ME FOR ME will be best for my whole family in the long run. Thanks eye.

  27. #27
    Sunshine1112 is offline Advanced Member
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    Keep up the good work. Waiting for your post when you say you are feeling the improvement. It will come soon. You are in great spirits that is a good sign.

  28. #28
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    Thank you for the encouragement. I feel like a train wreck, physically feel like I would gladly give up a limb (preferably one of these restless legs) for a pill, but i know that's not what I really want. Mind tricks, ugh!

    I am feeling depression of losing what I thought was my best friend, I used that crutch to avoid hurt & stress &. I'm scared I won't be able to deal on my own. I'm sad that "fuzzy" feeling can't ever happen again. It's so messed up that my mind thinks those pills were my best friend, but it seemed like they were....... Bc I made them that way, I guess. I pushed many real friends away in my search for fuzziness. Although deep down I know it's my old "friend" making me feel all this, I'm just kinda emotional about it all today. Writing on these forums has totally helped me focus on reality. But physically, I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Maybe worse!

  29. #29
    eyenstyne is offline New Member
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    How are you feeling today, sadmommy? I had a busy day today, but I was thinking of you. I know every emotion you are feeling and am even more aware of the breaking up with what you think is what makes you more human. The depression on top of the anxiety is viscous, but I promise you it WILL get better, it just takes time.

    If you were to keep using, even though you feel you are at front and center with your family and especially your daughter, you will miss out on so much. Time will pass and you will regret the heck out of not being there later on. The years go by and all of a sudden you will wake up and wonder where the time has gone and the good memories you would have if you were straight will be almost non existent.

    The drug is not your friend or anyone's friend, not ever. It fools you into thinking it is and then the next thing you know you can't ever feel that "fuzzy" feeling of the great things that happened around you while you were using because as much as you think you are there in the present, you are not because the drug has masked anything and everything around you. I hope that makes sense to you and I hope you are strong and healing.
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  30. #30
    Sadmommy13 is offline Senior Member
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    I've had a lousy day but I'm holding in there. Today I think the physical symptoms let up, I slept for quite a while with sleep aids, and I felt rested. But sad. Just so sad. I know the reality, it's not my friend . At all. I know every minute I was high , when I felt like I was experiencing my best moments, I barely remember half of them. I know it's a fog. But I truly do feel depressed.

    It's such a sick battle. I feel close to empowered, because I'm near day 5 now! But mentally I'm kinda getting hit hard. I won't go back.,I'm too far now. But it's like I'm mourning almost. Ready to feel released!
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