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Finally quitting.. opiate withdrawal
  1. #1
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    Default Finally quitting.. opiate withdrawal

    Hey everyone

    I've been back and forth on this page for years. Reading about what I can do that change my life, and then convincing myself I'm not where a lot of these people are.

    Now 6 years later and hundreds and maybe even thousands of pills later here I am stuck where I never thought I would be. My mom's an addict and has been my entire life. She is hooked on oxys now.

    I started the way most people start with real pain and real issues. I had legitimate pain, I have reproductive issues and tylenol 3 made all that pain go away.. my mom always had a rx for 100 a month so eventually I just took some of hers. At that point I could take it or leave it in never was too crazy about them. Then I lost my father. And things took a turn.. I started taking 8-10 a day slowly moving up to tylenol 4, and then percocet.

    The real love for me is codeine tylenol 4's being the best. It helped me get moving helped keep the pain away and just be more of an engaged person. I felt like I was a better person on them. Until I wasn't, then I was just sleeping all the time and going to every doctor in my vacinity. With worst case being getting a morphine shot at the hospital if no doctor would give them.

    The last month or so I have decided I don't want to leave this way. Watching my mom and her disaster of a life I don't want that. I want to break the cycle not continue on with it.

    So the last two weeks I have been taking tylenol 4 as prescribed. Then when I got low I went down to half. Then down to tylenol 3 and had 30 in 7 days which is a triumph when usually that would get me 3 days. My first opiate free day is today.

    The worst is the diarrhea and sweats. Apart from the mental addiction which is a whole other situation. I smoke weed on the regular so I'm just smoking more of that and hoping that will help.

    My biggest downfall and why I joined this site is not one person in my life knows I abuse rx pills. When I take too many or someone commented on me being off i just say the cramps are real bad today or I smoked Weed. I would love some support. And that's what I'm here

    Also what happens after? What do people that have real issues do with themselves? Does the pain seem less because you are off the meds? I also what to know what to expect.

    My mom went on suboxone today as well and I've seen how her withdrawals have been just the worst thing ever. Mine look like a cold compared. I just never want to get there.

    Sorry if I'm all over the place. I just have a lot of thoughts and fears and just keep thinking all I have to do is go to a medicentre and probably get about 40-50 pills. Makes me feel pathetic.

  2. #2
    Hamscraps is offline Member
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    I don't know if I'm much help but I am at the same place. I quit oxycodone and I'm half way through Day 2. I just wanted to answer you because I don't want you to give up and go get some. I wish there were some of the long timers around to help and hopefully they will come on shortly. They can really give the advice we need and some motivation.

    Just know you are not alone.

  3. #3
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    Thank you so much for your message. It's 3:15pm and it's been 21 hours since my last pill. Maybe because I'm determined this time or because I did better tapering it's not so awful.

    Runny nose loads of sneezing and joint pain but other then that getting better. I had a little girl in may I did stop when I was pregnant but I had a horrible labor and have had 600 pills in the 3 months but I'm focusing all my attention on her she's the best distraction.

    Thank you for your comment I wish you so much luck. I like what someone said "1 pill is too many and a thousand pills aren't enough" it's so true. We feel awful now so we never feel awful again!

  4. #4
    Hamscraps is offline Member
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    I'm a mom too! The typical suburban stay at home mom. Took oxycodone 10 mgs pill about 7-9 a day for bad lower back after a fall. I started taking more and more even though my pain level didn't require it. I just wanted to feel better. Stupid. I wasted 19 years on this.

    Have you found yourself crying?

  5. #5
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    It's crazy hey how quickly something for pain escalates to something it shouldn't.. at least you are trying now never too late. I feel badly for wasting 6 years of my life and then the last 3 months looking at my beautiful daughter and feeling like a failure..

    Definitely a lot of crying alone.. especially because I hated my mom for everything she did and always put her addiction above us and now I'm not doing anything different..

    I think it doesn't help that whatever dopamine or whatever these pills release making us feel good makes us feel like garbage with out it

    Are you going cold turkey? How are your withdrawals

  6. #6
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    I can feel myself slipping. It's been 36 hours now without anything. My stomach is not happy with me. And I have the worst pain in my hip. I took regular tylenol hoping it would help.

    Does normal pain get worse when getting off painkillers? Or maybe because I didn't feel anything for so long I have no pain tolerance now. It's horrible.

  7. #7
    Hamscraps is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperation30 View Post
    I can feel myself slipping. It's been 36 hours now without anything. My stomach is not happy with me. And I have the worst pain in my hip. I took regular tylenol hoping it would help.

    Does normal pain get worse when getting off painkillers? Or maybe because I didn't feel anything for so long I have no pain tolerance now. It's horrible.
    Way to go on 36 hours!! You go! Just think, the first day is done. Day two is half way finished.

    Yes it is common to have pain when coming off painkillers. Try Advil and the Tylenol like you said. I used Advil for a couple of days. The pain will subside is what I've been told and should be able to be controlled with NSAIDs.

    Do you have any Immodium? Are you having the runs or are you nauseated?

    Keep going!

    I will not use today!

  8. #8
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Both of you
    Please research rebound pain..

    Your brain is screaming for opiates..
    But it will stop ..
    The pain will lesson
    When we are on opiates it is really hard to assess our pain honestly.
    I have more pain in my life now
    I have a torn rotator cuff and am a ICU RN so very physical ..
    But excedrin works..
    Exercise

    Anything but opiates..
    Because in all honesty they don't work ..
    They just numb us!


    Pain is not 24/7 ..

    Addiction is 24/7 ..

    I have been clean over 19 months
    And
    My worst day clean
    Is 99% better than my best day on pills!

    Honestly it is so much better..

    Both of you have your whole lives ahead of you!
    It is ok for your kids to see this struggle for a week..
    Because they will see your strength in getting better!

    They don't need to see us numb and just existing!

    Being involved
    And
    Being present
    Is the best gift you can give them..

    That is not possible on opiate!

    We think we are present but that is the lie we tell ourselves!

    But now we feel and touch others by our own participation!

    You can do this!

    The best gift you can give your children is
    A heathy clean pill free mother!

    It is worth it!
    I promise!

    The Thomas Receipe
    On here is a list of supplements
    That I still take ..

    Minus the benzo
    Thry really do work!

    This is the fight of your life's..
    Because that is what you get back!
    You life!

    Rockin it clean
    In 2016!

    Bette
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-09-2016 at 09:53 AM.

  9. #9
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    Thank you so much for both these messages.

    I'm ashamed to say I just had called the doctors office preparing to go get more meds. But these messages stopped me in my tracks.

    I need to be better I need to be able to go wherever whenever without worrying about how many pills I'll have or if I'll get sick.

    My husband deserves it
    My daughter deserves it
    I deserve it
    ReadytoJump and Iluv2smile like this.

  10. #10
    Hamscraps is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperation30 View Post
    Thank you so much for both these messages.

    I'm ashamed to say I just had called the doctors office preparing to go get more meds. But these messages stopped me in my tracks.

    I need to be better I need to be able to go wherever whenever without worrying about how many pills I'll have or if I'll get sick.

    My husband deserves it
    My daughter deserves it
    I deserve it
    How are you? Just checking in to see how you are doing. I'm almost to the half way point of Day 3. Yes I did quit cold turkey after 18-19 years of vicodin and percocets. First started with vicodin and moved to percocets.

    Somewhere I read about a guy that quit and said by Day 20 he was so, so much better as far as cravings, wanting pills, and all that. I thought that 20 days is such a small time out of our lives considering the years we put into addiction.

    I'm here! We can do this! Mom to mom for our kids and ourselves!

  11. #11
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    Hey!

    I'm doing okay just really feeling tired the stomach situation sucks balls

    I went and got Imodium so I hope that helps some what. Smoking helps with the anxiety.
    I just keep myself distracted. It's easier when my husband comes home or when little ones awake.

    How are you doing? Oxy w/d I hear are real bad. You feeling OK?

  12. #12
    Reeray is offline Member
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    Hello to both of you. You are doing great! Hang in there.

    My Day one starts tomorrow. I wasted 13 years in these pills myself.

    I just want to be free and be myself again, whatever that is.

    We can do this. Life on the other side of this addiction, has got to be better than this, you know. Our children deserve it, and in my case my grandchildren and family deserve it.

    I know it will be hard going for a while, but I want what others here have...a life that is full of hope.

    Keep up the good work Desperation and Hamscraps. I will be joining you tomorrow, bright and early.

    Positive thoughts your way, Reeray
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  13. #13
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Love reading everyone's posts! Desperation, you are in the hardest of WD. It's much more manageable than our minds make it out to be. I hope, you have immodium or generic. Bananas. Lots of water and Gatorade. Vitamins help so much. Perhaps secretly it's the act of taking a pill to help.. But it helps even two months later!

    So proud of you! You can do this!

    Stormy
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  14. #14
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperation30 View Post
    Thank you so much for both these messages.

    I'm ashamed to say I just had called the doctors office preparing to go get more meds. But these messages stopped me in my tracks.

    I need to be better I need to be able to go wherever whenever without worrying about how many pills I'll have or if I'll get sick.

    My husband deserves it
    My daughter deserves it
    I deserve it
    If they call back.. Don't answer. Do not allow those pills to rule your life one minute longer. It's so much better on the other side! I promise.
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  15. #15
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    Thank you everyone for the support. I took the incentive to tell my husband today . I feel like the secret will make it so I will stay this way longer. He was so supportive and loving not at all what I imagined.

    I feel much better then this morning only thing that sucks is the sweating I feel disgusting and just keep having a shower. Hoping that part doesnt last too long.

    Reeray good luck tomorrow!!! We can do this!!!!!!

  16. #16
    Hamscraps is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperation30 View Post
    Hey!

    I'm doing okay just really feeling tired the stomach situation sucks balls

    I went and got Imodium so I hope that helps some what. Smoking helps with the anxiety.
    I just keep myself distracted. It's easier when my husband comes home or when little ones awake.

    How are you doing? Oxy w/d I hear are real bad. You feeling OK?
    I smoke too! Been lighting em left and right! LOL I should probably quit that and my coffee addiction but one thing at a time here. I can't get too crazy!

    I haven't told my husband yet. He knows all about my back, the pain, etc. However I told him two months ago that I quit. I'm too scared to tell him I went back to the pills a week after that. He'd be furious.

  17. #17
    Desperation30 is offline New Member
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    Hey hamscraps how are you doing? How goes the withdrawals?
    I failed hard i relapsed and am ashamed and embarrassed. I got 50 pills last week and thought I can taper so I don't have to suffer it won't be too bad I can do it. Obviously that was the addiction speaking because here I am a week later and all 50 pills are gone and I'm going through the withdrawals again. I'm so ashamed of myself

  18. #18
    Reeray is offline Member
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    Hello Hammy,

    How are you doing? I miss you. Sorry if I didn't answer some of your posts. I just couldn't seem to string a coherent sentence together for three days.

    I am on day 8. I am still tired from lack of sleep. Hopefully, that will come back soon, although I have always had insomnia on and off.

    I need to really start exercising to get my endorphins going. Walking or swimming a bit is about all I can do right now. I know it does help with anxiety and sleep.

    I hope the universe is treating you kind.

    Love Reeray

  19. #19
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperation30 View Post
    Hey hamscraps how are you doing? How goes the withdrawals?
    I failed hard i relapsed and am ashamed and embarrassed. I got 50 pills last week and thought I can taper so I don't have to suffer it won't be too bad I can do it. Obviously that was the addiction speaking because here I am a week later and all 50 pills are gone and I'm going through the withdrawals again. I'm so ashamed of myself
    Do not beat yourself up! This is the absolute hardest thing I have ever done!! I'm on day 5 and it's getting easier. Just know if you can push thru...do!

    You deserve it
    Your kids deserve it
    Your husband deserves it

    See how I put you first? You have to want this for you first!

    If you need to vent, I'm here. I'm sure the others will stop by later too.

  20. #20
    Reeray is offline Member
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    Hi Desperation,

    I apologize for posting a note to Hammy on your thread. That last fee days have been a confusing mess.

    I am in day 8 and feeling a lot better.

    You can do it to. You just have to want to be free, more than you want the pills.

    It took me a long time to finally come to that state of mind. It will happen for you too. Just don't let too much time pass, because it will get harder.

    You know you will get expert advice and awesome support here when you decide.

    We all deserve a better life than what the pills offer, and so do YOU.

    Love Reeray

    "Breaking On Through To The Other Side"

  21. #21
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi ladies..

    You both are doing it.

    It is hard..

    But isn't taking pills hard too?
    No payoff..
    Guilt
    Constipation
    Worrying
    Lying .

    Time to put our big girl panties on!

    Life is soooooo much better
    clean..

    A person dies every 8 mins from prescription pill issues..
    Now by the grace of God
    That does not have to be one of us!
    I promise!

    It gets better!
    Not perfect ..
    But wKing up and not needing a substance to get on with our day..
    Is amazing!

    Like Cat says
    We are Woman
    Hear us roar!

    You can do anything
    HVe anything !
    If we stay clean?

    1 is too many
    And
    1000 never enough!
    That needs to resonate with all of us!

    Because we forget how hard this was!
    Now you have your journal to reread when that happens..

    You are posting for you
    And
    Helping God only knows how many
    People that read and not post!

    So carry on !
    You are doing greT!

    Bette
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  22. #22
    dashydoolittle is offline New Member
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    Hi everyone! How are you getting on?? I'm goin cold turkey I'm starting Friday! Been on here to get some tips and do shopping list for essentials like Imodium !!! How long for the worst of withdrawals to be over?? X

  23. #23
    Reeray is offline Member
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    Hi dashy,

    You will get a lot more responses if yoy start your own thread when you cold turkey.

    Look up the 'Thomas Recipe" He tells about his own withdrawal and gives a list of everything needed. Most people use this recipe, including myself. I am 8 days clean today.

    You can do it. I will be here to support you and many others will help you too.

    It isn't easy, but what is a few days out of possibly years of freedom from the evil pills?

    Good luck to you and hope to see you here on Day 1.

    Reeray

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desperation30 View Post
    Hey hamscraps how are you doing? How goes the withdrawals?
    I failed hard i relapsed and am ashamed and embarrassed. I got 50 pills last week and thought I can taper so I don't have to suffer it won't be too bad I can do it. Obviously that was the addiction speaking because here I am a week later and all 50 pills are gone and I'm going through the withdrawals again. I'm so ashamed of myself
    Hello Desperation

    I was reading your post and, I just want to stop by and give a little support... I went through the same thing this is my 4th time doing this.....

    Please don't beat yourself up, the nice thing is you were able to come back to the board, don't be embarrassed or ashamed.... This is not a lot of our first rodeo....

    The great part is you hold yourself accountable came back and you are at it again that the great part about it..... Acknowledge the feelings, respect them and let them go..... This is going to be taxing enough without beating yourself up....

    This is no way easy but it's doable.... My first time around I had no ideal I was in withdrawals, I thought I had he flu... I also thought I was going through mental changes because I had just made a major move.... Stayed clean over a year....

    My second time I knew a little about withdrawals but, I didn't have any ideal what to expect, I was on the board reading I thought to myself I can do this... The mental kicked in I was like oh hell no... I last almost 60 days......

    The third time I made it 2 weeks, I said I am just going to use on the weekends.....lol that was a joke....

    This time I am determined I know what to expect, I have done my research..... I know I want this more than I want anything in my life right now.....

    I hate I despise those darn thing, I am now over 30 days clean, it's so much better now that I give myself time to heal.... I have good days and I have not so good days..... I think that's life.....

    I know in my heart it didn't take 30 days to get this way not going to take 30ish days to heal... With everyday that passes i feel better physically and mentally.... I see life much more clearly.... What a difference 30 days has made I am excited to see what 60 and 90 days bring... I am learning this to shall pass....


    I try my hardest to be kind to myself and forgiving..... I am not rushing or running a race, I am rebuilding my life.... It takes time...

    Sorry didn't mean to ramble, I just want to let you know we fall down but we get up!


    `

  25. #25
    dashydoolittle is offline New Member
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    Well done reeray!!!! How are you feeling now??? You've done amazing X

  26. #26
    dashydoolittle is offline New Member
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    I can't work out how to start my own thread?! Everyone here is doing soooo well!! I said I was starting Friday (today) but meant today is my last day. I take codeine but also drink and smoke so I'm goin try do all in one go! They all seem to go hand in hand so going to try as from when I go bed tonight that's it!!! I saw doc and have 3 days worth of Valium for when it's at worst I'm dreading the aching in my legs that I got from when I tried before and also the sweats!! I've cut off all my supply's now so there's no going back! X

  27. #27
    Reeray is offline Member
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    Hi Dashy,

    Thanks for asking about me. To be honest, today has been really hard. Just a whole lot of body pain.

    Don't worry, Codeine is weaker and shouldn't be anywhere near as bad to quit.

    I will be watching for your Day One. Go up to the top of this page, then click on forums (the 4 little squares), scroll down to "NEED TO TALK" and press or click on that. You should see a list of people's threads. Somewhere there at the top it should say "Thread Starter" click on that and then you just fill in whatever you want in the boxes. Then you will have your own thread and get a lot more support.

    Love Reeray

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