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First time looking for support
  1. #1
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Default First time looking for support

    Live in the mountains, it's rural. Not available or close for any resources. Mother of six absolutely no more. Day four need some support. Emotions are not on the up and up. Was doing great. I feel so confused when these emotions go crazy. Been trying to stay positive, focused, and am feeling a bit of anxiety but I can't figure out why or the trigger. All the other times it was triggered so I worked through where or why that emotion came. If I don't know what how do I bring myself back out of my head.

  2. #2
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    This really sucks when it's such a secret. I have six kids, and work an after school program. No one knows. I am surrounded by why I'm doing this, good point. Super shirty feeling this alone. I have so much bottled up, seems like texting to this one site that seriously took me four hours to set up, is the only vice I have.

  3. #3
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    So now that I figured out how not to raid all the forums with my abundance of ignorance, I'll keep it right here. Guess I really don't care if anyone reads this seems to help. I am really seeing how hudge mind set is. I have put it all in. I will not stop, scripts cancelled, trying to find a positive outlet, and use my head. I keep having these random flashes of things I really regret. Then it hits my stomach, and have not used anything to deal with these issues but I'm trying to remember them so I can imprint this so deep in my brain I can handle all uncomfortable zones. I do not get online so all new. I am so so so crazy alone.

  4. #4
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mychoices123 View Post
    Live in the mountains, it's rural. Not available or close for any resources. Mother of six absolutely no more. Day four need some support. Emotions are not on the up and up. Was doing great. I feel so confused when these emotions go crazy. Been trying to stay positive, focused, and am feeling a bit of anxiety but I can't figure out why or the trigger. All the other times it was triggered so I worked through where or why that emotion came. If I don't know what how do I bring myself back out of my head.


    Hey -

    Glad you now have your own thread. Use it as your journal to keep track of your progress. Can you share what your drug of choice is/was? If it's an illegal or illicit substance don't mention it by name as that's against the forum rules. How much at your highest amount? How much per day recently? Did you taper or stop CT? Any additional info will help us help you better.

    Six children huh? Wow! Must be a hopping household! That's amazing! And LOTS of work I bet.

    The emotions come roaring back once we've stopped for a while. Can be confusing sometimes. But it's definitely a good thing. Sights, sounds, smell all increase and are more noticeable than ever before. Laughing and crying more happens to all of us, sometimes at the same time. At day 4 you're just coming out of the fog, and probably experiencing the brunt of wd symptoms. The days will get better and better.

    Take this one day at a time, one hour at a time if you have to.

    Randy

  5. #5
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    CT 76h38m to be precise. Just could not do this to them. My prescriptions changed often and regular as you can really ask for whatever reason when it's cancer right. So last week was a cocktail of fentonl 25mmg over 100/10mg oxycodone and 50 2 mg dilladid. Then Fri and Sat I had run out again. Spred 4/oc80's over Fri Sat. I have not looked into my own face because it didn't matter what it was, I was fully aware of the extreamly bad decisions, and an my own worst critic. Sun morning I woke up and didn't and could not continue this path. Have some triggers laying around but don't even want to ever go back. I'm in deep. I have Xanax that I do not intend on quitting but have only taken when my chest was about to explode, and I have not taken one during this CT to create a vice. So Xanax down by 2 mg. I don't weigh much and was wondering about what I could eat, haven't in a few days uggg good timing though Randy, I really needed that. Think I'm calmer. My doctor is truly the only one who knows and he's a great guy. He's definitely being looked at by the DEA and want to keep my habits off record there. I don't want to tell him I'm addicted. I could lose a lot if they found out and I want to get this perfect.

  6. #6
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Will it get a little better at a certain point, like it's super bad at this point the worst I've felt. I am so aware that keeping it happy and realizing that if you can let go of what was you'll be free. But no matter how many times I've tried this morning o can't control the heart rate. No food. I've read bolg after blog 6 days 35 days . would be nice to have some clear idea more on the physical, I am thinking everything else is how I chose to cope.

  7. #7
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome!

    Well. You are one strong lady! I understand that you really want to know what to expect through your journey. We are just a little different in terms of the speed of our recovery mentally and physically. In the end, it's not all that different and at least some of it depends on our commitment to recovery and our stamina to survive early recovery and maintain that commitment at the same time. It's challenging and that's a fact. It's also doable.

    I've been around here for a pretty long time now and I can honestly tell you that for the most part, people follow the same timetable as I did (and I have way too much experience with cold turkey). If you are like me, you are at the peak of the physical symptoms and I don't think they'll get worse but instead will remain fairly steady for another couple of days. I continued to have frequent trips to the bathroom for another week to 10 days but controlled with the help of Immodium so not a bother. RLS (my most hated symptom) left abruptly on Day 5. Nights were hellish with little to no sleep for those same 7-10 days and at least for me, didn't turn around all of a sudden at all. Instead, I'd get a couple of hours of sleep, then maybe 4 (what a blessing!) and then back to 1 hr. It was up and down for a good 2-3 weeks with some nights better than others. That, of course had me feeling tired and drained but somehow I just had to have faith that it would turn around. It did. It always does if we just give it enough time. How do you do that? One stinking hour at a time.

    Keep posting and my very best wishes for strength and commitment.

    Peace,

    Cat
    freeme47 likes this.

  8. #8
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Okay, two days at this insane level, will it be this bad for all 48 or subside? I'm already an insomniac so I need little sleep, and found just stay up and don't be frustrated without sleep. It's my heart rate I'm worried about and I'm already very ill with intestinal cancer so I was hoping maybe ideas on food that are good.

  9. #9
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Okay still panicking bad. I really don't know anything. Can someone lend me like a few min please. I'm sorry I tried to call the 800 number and they want me to pay money to put me on meds. No questions can be answered for liability. I truly have no one and could use just like ten min. I didnt want to ask, but I couldnt find anyone else that offered just some communication support here and there for the worst of it. I am really scared.

  10. #10
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Why are so many of these forums being talked to am I doing something incorrect.

  11. #11
    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Hey there...
    You're not doing anything wrong. The forum slows down and then picks up.
    Congrats on how far you've come!! You're doing great.
    If you can stomach bananas or yogurt.. the potassium helps with a lot of the symptoms ...
    I will be in here for a bit it you want to talk.
    I know you feel like you're going nuts.. the anxiety was awful for me. I still have bouts but things do get better.
    Hang in there.:.
    Mary

  12. #12
    Dusty_1984 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi,

    You're already amazingly strong by taking care of six kids. I can't imagine the kind of chaos that is like. At the same time you've got a lot of reasons to get sober. So you can watch them grow into ladies and gentlemen. Watch them flourish into amazing people.

    I've watched a few friends lose their lives doing things similar to what we do. They didn't do any Oxycodone or Hydrocodone but they ended up dying from alcohol. Either from drunk driving or simply over doing it and going in their sleep. I watched the sadness their friends, family, and loved ones go through with their loss.

    I bring this up because it definitely was a strong motive for me to try and get clean. I won't be a statistic in a book or spreadsheet.

    I hope you're feeling better. I can relate to having to live a secret life. Very few know what I'm going through and even with them knowing they can't understand, they've never dealt with addiction.

    Keep your head up, you've got this.
    Gilsmom likes this.

  13. #13
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Ate a banana yay. Felt overwhelming depression and anxiety, then a couple of my friends stopped by. It was an amazing time. They didn't know why I was so sad but they took me out a bit for a ride. Absolutely amazing people. They promised they would come grab me at five but it's okay, was just looking forward to something now and it just made me super sad. This is a mess in my head. Idk. I'm going to bed, I give up on happy for now. But guess will see how that works.

  14. #14
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much and I really appreciated you sharing such a story. I'm so sorry for you losses. Thanks for the support everyone.

  15. #15
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Feeling amazing today! Just to not be feeling the way I had been before I quit CT. I made as hard on myself as I could so I would never question if I believed in myself to overcome anything. Beautiful moment. I know this will be up and down, but I am loving living looking today right now in this moment. Thank you for this web site and all you wonderful people who encouraged me. THANK GOD!!! THANK YOU!!!!

  16. #16
    offandclean is offline New Member
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    Read your posts and I wanted to tell you...you are amazing! I was on Fentanyl and Oxy and could not do it at home CT. I had to check myself into detox. The fact that you did it at home is absolutely amazing!

    Keep going! Long term use of this stuff does a number on our bodies so you'll have ups and downs but when you think the road is tough, think back to these few days you battled and know you can do this! I'm getting ready to hit 60 days soon and it's an awesome feeling.

  17. #17
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    60 days is amazing. I called the addiction to narcotics hotline trying to find some at home resources to help for ppl like me who really can't go. I have no one to watch the kids. She told me I couldn't do it alone. She told the wrong girl! So this evening is really tough. I have ran into this day five with no sleep. Every time I am almost asleep my legs and arms jerk. Thus this has been a 24/7 thing. Hoping for a few hours for a brain reset. Sleep will be much loved. I ate a bunch sobb sobb

  18. #18
    mychoices123 is offline Junior Member
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    Holy cow, so Thursday I started hallucinating. I finally broke down and called my best guy friend told him everything and he stated with me. I don't know if I mentioned I stopped over ten different meds. Probably not the smartest, but yes he told me some crazy stories. But ultimately I finally slept for the first time in seven days God this is getting better. I'm done with pharma companies. I'd rather die sooner than not live and be alive. Going with all natural remedies and only if I have thoughtfully and completely research. My poor brain.

  19. #19
    hanker is offline Junior Member
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    Default Support! Get Your Support Right Here!

    Hey bud. I'm so sorry I didn't see your posts before but I have myself been in such bad shape I couldn't even pull up this site and type. It's like my brain short-circuited. If I try to focus on anything for more than a minute or two I feel like I'm gonna literally explode.

    So, fellow insomniac, you said you slept? How did you manage that?

    Day 9 off sobox for me and I'm sitting up in bed and actually making sense (I hope). Still in hell and am fearful of everything I still have to face...

    How you doing?

    Hanker

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