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First time poster - Going through Oxy detox
  1. #1
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Default First time poster - Going through Oxy detox

    Hi everyone,

    First of all, thank you for all the messages that I have read on this board - It has given me great tips on getting through withdrawals. However, I am deciding to post as this is my 3rd time in roughly 2 1/2 - 3 years of addiction.

    I am 32 years old - fairly good shape - have an addiction to roxys (30 mg), which I take 60 - 120 mg on a daily basis for a couple years. Last year I quit cold turkey for 14 days (on vacation) without much trouble, About 3 months ago, I went to Hawaii for honeymoon and went 13 days cold turkey without much trouble (aside from being unable to sleep).

    I should have just stopped after Hawaii but I fooled myself that 1 dose would just give me a nice jump start into work and give me a good night's sleep. 1 dose turned into a daily occurrence up until a couple of days ago. I am so mad at myself for just not being strong enough when I had such a nice head start. Back to square 1.

    Now I am on day 2 of my withdrawal. It seems that trying to stop at home is so much more difficult when it is a phone call away. Unfortunately, it costs me so much $$ and I am close to broke. I put myself in some pretty bad debt because of my abuse and I have managed to keep it a secret from EVERYONE (wife included).

    It's embarrassing to be honest with you. I have a good job, a good home, a good marriage. Except, when I am using I lose my sex drive (which I thought would never happen to me) and it definitely started some problems at home.

    I was so close to relapsing a few moments ago so I decided to post here as I see everyone is really supportive. I took off from work yesterday and today but can't afford to take off of work tomorrow.

    My dealer texted me a couple of hours ago "to see if i was all right" (yeah right). I managed to let her know that I am trying to get off of this evil blue pill. So I am pretty proud of myself there - because I would usually just

    Right now - I am pretty weak, unmotivated, pretty bad runs. I have been taking multi-vitamins, ALA, potassium, gatorade or coconut water. Was sweating badly last night. I am taking xanax to help sleep. I think the lack of sleep is like the worst part after the initial few days. Maybe an hour or 2 of sleep and then tossing and turning. God - if only we could sleep it would be so much easier.

    Anyway, I was so close to relapsing just now but decided to post here instead. Thanks for reading this. I really hope I can make it and not fool myself into taking "1 more time." It sucks how taking oxy really makes me motivated and energetic and feel good. I just hope I can get through this. Thanks guys.

  2. #2
    Timbotoes is offline New Member
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    Hey NY, I am 32 married and a 7 month son, good job, home... Same as you and wife or anyone that matters has no clue about my tramadol craze. Same boat with sex drive too. Im reaching day 7 tomorrow since last pill and it's so much better. I felt like I had the flu, threw up, hot and cold sweats, obviously no sleep. Last night was first night to sleep 5+ hours I think.

    I've had repeated attempts at stopping but this time it's for good. You just need to get through the first 3-4 days imo and the light really starts coming in.

    Just wanted to let you know I read your post and absolutely think you can conquer this. Life really is better sober.. And I'm usually always looking for something...

    Keep doing it man.. Just keep posting how you feel it does help.

  3. #3
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey, Giant....

    Do it now. The 30's were my thing, too. Quite expensive, so the money you will save is a BIG incentive. Don't forget immodium AD to help you through work. My last time I quit, I had to work, and I used stronger doses of loperamide to calm my stomach, it really helped. It is not a good idea to use heavy doses, but for a day or two....but, it does help.

    Keep posting. We have all been there, and want to see you succeed, so never think you are posting too much. For every response you have....there are probably 30 other people reading and gaining inspiration.

    Good job on refusing your dealer!

  4. #4
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Hey guys. First off, thanks a million for the responses and the support. I cannot say enough how much motivation it gave me and help.

    Timbo, congrats on the baby boy. That's awesome news. I am hoping to have a kid too, which is one of my motivators as I feel like abusing oxis has affected my sperm (count?). Keep on going and don't let that evil voice in your head fool you.

    I am now 50 hours since my last pill.

    I have been in bed the past 2 days but got some energy a couple of hours ago. I pushed myself (as hard as it was) to go to the gym. Did some weights for my back for 20 min and ran/walked on treadmill for 10 min. Then steamroom for a few min hoping I will preemptively strike any night sweats (who knows). I really feel like exercising is important to getting out of this funk. The mind is the most powerful player in this "game." It can fool you either way.

    Hoping to get some sleep tonight. I will be going the passion flower, melatonin route this evening. If it fails, I will have to resort to xanax.

    Not looking forward to work but at least it's Friday! The weekend will present its own challenges.

    I will keep posting. If anyone else is reading this, it really does help.

    I'm praying for all of us. Let's beat this thing!

  5. #5
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Took double dose valerian root, passion flower and melatonin. Waited for almost two hours and nothing. Had to begrudgingly resort to xanax and it sure is kicking in.

    It's funny - cigarette abuse long term, marijuana chronic user, alcohol and zero problems with addiction..and then percs, vics, oxys show up and I become an addict. Something I thought I could never ever become. Tough to look in the mirror sometimes. I mean I know why it's so amazing. It gives you an absolute euphoric feeling, gets you motivated, ready to take on any problem. It was obvious instant relief from the lack of any love or positive reinforcement by my parents my entire life. I don't blame them - they're old school immigrant parents that received even less love anc compassion, but no doubt in my mind my abuse is rooted in this - accompanied by my poor decision to be an attorney (something I did to obtain my parents approval). I know I achieved an amazing accomplishment. After a rough college start, I finished with a 3.78 gpa, did well ln lsats and got into a fairly good law school. Finished above 60% of my class and all while smoking pot on the reg. Not to mention pass the ny state bar exam on my first go. I had no one to turn to and managed to talk until the firm that I am at for over a year. Ultimately I am unhappy being an attorney which is reason 2 of of my addiction. At first I abused percs from a dental procedure. Then oxys on a 2x a week basis. All of a sudden it becomes a daily habit. Then bills start piling up- I always paid em on time now 10k in debt with a mortgage to take care of.

    It's so sad how the slippery slope happens. I was so judgmental on my ex friend for his H abuse and look at me now. What makes me better than him? nothing.
    I get to look In the mirror and realize that im looking at a junkie. A junkie who spent thousands to get his fix - betraying my wife, family and myself.

    I have to b stronger than this and make things right. What a tough road it will be. I hope I hope I hope I do not relapse and just deal with the withdrawals and PAWS that are coming to punish, my misdeeds. God help me. God help us all.

  6. #6
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Hour 65: I am at work and feeling fairly lethargic. Slept a solid 7 hours last night due to xanax. I have this horrible feeling of guilt inside of me. What did I do to myself? How did I let myself spend so much money? How could I have done this? I just feel like breaking down into tears. I seriously hate myself.

  7. #7
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
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    Hey Giant. I'm going through many of those same feelings and I'm still just tapering. It sucks realizing you're a addict. I can tell from your post that like me, you have very high standards for yourself in other areas of life. It's hard to face what we've done to ourselves. Try to forgive yourself anyway. Guilt will not help you move forward. Addiction is an illness. Weve made poor choices but we didn't choose to be addicts. You are getting support and getting clean. That takes courage and strength! Focus on that. You are doing the right thing now. I'm sorry you're having a rough day, but it all seems much worse in wds. I promise things will get a lot better very soon. Maybe even tomorrow!

  8. #8
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Guilt will be your demise, Giant.....don't go there.

    If you read around this forum enough, you will find, no one wanted to end up this way. Just something about oxy that snags you and keeps you. I guess anything that messes with those neuro tranmitters , can do this. Not anything we expected....almost makes you wary of the FDA, no? Like who do they have in their back pockets? Just a question, and one an attorney could dissect.

    Anyway, keep up the good effort, stop now and walk away unscathed....you seem articulate and reasonable. I have seen this drug ruin so many lives, those who never, ever thought they would be a slave to such a little pill.

    I've read that 72 hours is the hump....so you are on your way. Sounds like you caught it early, so you should be on your way, but please keep posting and know you have support right herel

  9. #9
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Poppy girl you kind of hit it on the head with me. Im somewhat of a perfectionist (yet obviously far from perfect and placed myself into this jam we all are in, together).

    Silverlining - excellent point about the fda which perhaps more of us should be aware of. I mean I have been down on that group when just talking about the food and OTC stuff that they pump into us. You raise an excellent point. So many "drugs" are illegal, yet use these synthetic drugs and everything will be just fine. I mean look at commercials these days! Hopefully one day our entire country wakes up. I degress.

    I think I am on hour 79 ct clean.

    I am shocked by how little of the physical withdrawals I have been experiencing up until this point. I attribute some of this to genetics, exercising (even when I was using) and a good healthy diet - I think fruits, vegetables and good protein are key, with, of course, supplements that were recommended on this site.

    Today was the biggest mental struggle. I made it through the work day. Albeit not my most productive day buy got some stuff done. Mentally, I was the closest ever to relapsing. That little devil in my mind tried to convince me that 1 dose wouldn't hurt. I fought through it.

    Some positives from today..I felt pretty social. I stopped listening to music for the past couple years and strictly listened to Howard Stern or sports talk radio.(anyone who listens to stern know why artie lange is my favorite - hes one of us). Today I couldn't stop listening to music. It really raised my spirits up. I played soccer, as I do every Friday. Played well although I definitely got fatigued much quicker. Visited my parents and really enjoyed it.

    I slept from 11:30-2:30 with melatonin,magnesium. Couldn't get back to sleep so now took a quarter xanax. I wont take it tomorrow night no matter what. Definitely RLS kicking in. This, I would say, is when that long term battle begins. It was the cause of my last relapse some 3 months back. That precious sleep. Still wouldn't be worth it and we all know it. Why would we be here if we didn't?

    I pray that you all stay strong and I would give you guys some of my hours of sleep if it ment that you guys could catch some Zs in my stead. All the best to everyone.

  10. #10
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey, Giant.....

    Hope your day is good. Sure is the truth about the sleep....but that also returns. Just checking in!

  11. #11
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Hey guys,

    Unfortunate STUPID relapse on saturday and sunday. So not worth it. However, I have been clean since then. Had to go through acute withdrawal albeit not as severe as the first time. Felt pretty good today. Hope I can stay strong.

  12. #12
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    I welcome back..
    Thank God you made it..
    40 people a day die of prescription abuse in the USA.
    We are miracles.
    Those of us on this forum..
    I would block your dealers.
    Delete their numbers
    Or change your number..

    It will never gets better
    Or never gets easier..
    You are young.
    If you keep taking opiates recreationally .
    Eventually you will loose everything including yourself..

    But stay clean!
    The world is your oyster!
    Recovery is a verb..
    It takes work.
    I don't about you but using became a full time job..
    Just like staying clean needs to be..
    You can do it..
    Stay strong..
    Please keep posting!
    Thank you!
    Bette

  13. #13
    GiantNY is offline New Member
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    Thanks for the support Bette. Much appreciated.

    First thing I did on Sunday was to delete my phone from all tests and calls. There's always a way, but at least I made another hurdle.

    We are lucky. There were definitely nights when I woke up in the middle of the night honestly thinking I was close to dying when I was using. Dunno if anyone else felt that before.

    I am at the point where I have very little physical withdrawals. This is typically the most dangerous time for me. My brain tries to fool me into thinking that I beat this and I can use again. Obviously not the case.

    Goodnight everyone
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  14. #14
    Parkerhawk is offline New Member
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    I am right where you are right now. I have been withdrawin for 16 hours now. All I have to do is roll over and take a pill!!!!!!!. I'm doing all i can do not to do it. Just got to keep going!!

  15. #15
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    One thing for sure.
    It never gets easier.
    That is why it is good to journal your withdrawals on here.
    Then when your minds tries to convince you that it wasn't that bad ..
    You can read your thread..
    Plus you are helping some many people that don't post but do read..
    That really is one of the secrets to staying clean..
    We need to share our
    Experience, strength and hope..
    That way we get to keep ours..
    Yes I have felt like I was close to death a few times..
    By the grace of God there go I..
    We never have to use again!
    Now that is awesome..
    Right?
    Bette

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