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GetMyLifeBackAgain's Journey
  1. #31
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Crazyfrog - I do wan't to quit, with every bone in my body, so many reasons why but main one is for myself, I see how much of a better person I am when I'm clean.

  2. #32
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Itspossible - Thank you lots for the kind and encouraging words.

  3. #33
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Well day 4 dragged on..was super busy at work so that probably helped alot. Was yawning most of the day but not tired yawns? Had major anxiety yesterday almost all day though. That was horrible. Was tested later on in the evening when my coworker (who's been using right along with me and is kind of force quitting now) found a 5mg vicodin in his wallet he'd stashed for a bad morning. I know he would've shared it with me if I asked, pathetic I know but even the 2.5mg vic I would've got seemed like a ton to me, but I did the right thing just told him to get rid of it somehow. While I did have the craving for a bit I forgot about it quickly too, that seems to be the key. Wen't out for dinner after work and got home and took 5mg Melatonin and some Hylands RLS to try and sleep.

    Day 5: Well might of got 6 hours sleep last night, not sure, not feeling like it though, really dragging this morning. Mild anxiety so far but not like yesterday, pray that it doesn't get as bad as then also, will update later...

  4. #34
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Day5: Made it through the work day, fairly dragging all day, felt exhausted all day, went after work to co-workers gf house and ate dinner with them. Went home watched couple episodes of one of my fav shows, didn't fall asleep til about 2:30am. Was taking Hylands RLS all day on the recommended regiment.

    Day 6: Didn't sleep great but can say I only woke up a couple times and managed to get a combined 7 hours maybe. Having high anxiety I think this morning so far. Not sure how much the Hylands RLS was helping because still kicked around a lot. Having some mixed feelings about something though and would like some advice though. Coworker obtained a couple methadone to help him through his last few days of w/d's. I know he would hook me up with half if needed and the only reason I would resort to that is if I can't get this anxiety down. I'm going to try everything in my willpower to get it down before resorting to that. So if I take 5mg methadone is that going to spiral me back to day 1 again because death might be better then that...That's a joke kinda.

  5. #35
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Yikes! I'm so glad that I stumbled upon your most recent post. Please don't take that methadone. It'll make a couple of days easier but then you'll still face some days of withdrawal. Geez! You are nearly over the worst of the physical don't even consider putting that at risk. The mental, you're going to face one way or the other so just separate that from the physical. Put one behind you and then work on the other. Unfortunately, to get clean for good, there's no time outs. The cost is too great.

    I've never taken methadone but each time my son was in detox (from the big H) they gave him small doses of methadone over 4 days. Like 5mg per day. He had physical symptoms each and every time from that small amount of methadone. These symptoms weren't any worse than from the H but they lasted a lot longer. Doesn't matter. The bottom line is that you will set yourself back. To a new Day 1? I don't know but at this point, I wouldn't want a set back at all!!

    Be strong. The RLS will likely leave very abruptly. It always did for me. Drove me nuts for 5 or 6 straight days and poof! Gone. Do you have clonidine? That's something that almost any doctor will prescribe for you. Probably no news to you but people do claim it helps with anxiety and sleep. I've never tried that myself either. I just trusted it would get better and it did. Stay strong!

    Peace,

    Cat

  6. #36
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks Cat. I was already leaning against the methadone in the first place. I've decided if it gets so bad I can't take it then I'll nibble a half for quick relief. The physical part that is. In my experience though after this point it has never even got close to that type of bad. My relapse wasn't due to needing anything, more the mental game like you've stated. The anxiety has relieved a bit since my last post but talked to my Dad (who doesn't know about the w/d's) who is an RN and he suggested I talk the clinic in town and ask to get something of the sort like Valium or Clonidine.

  7. #37
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Day 6: Lack of energy from lack of sleep is starting to take it's toll mentally and physically. Busy work day helped. After work went out to the river to hang out with some friends and went back to their place for a bonfire, we had a 85 degree day and a 70 degree night so was pretty nice. Got home about 10pm and texted back and forth with a new friend for awhile, watched one of my fav shows and rolled to sleep finally around 2.

    Day 7: Can't believe it today marks one week since stopping everything cold turkey. Wasn't sure if I'd make it this far but here I am! Pretty happy about that. Symptoms are diminishing besides the lack of sleep and restless everything. I sure hope the sleep comes back soon though. I used to play softball for my church last summer and my pastor messaged me this morning asking if I wanted to start playing again. Hopes to see me at practice at 6pm. I'm hoping my employee whos been sick makes it in today on time so I can try to duck away and see if a nap is possible. Will update once I've conquered today. Going by the saying "Just for Today".

  8. #38
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Dragging through Day 10 here! Been only getting 4 hours of sleep at most the last 4-5 days and its starting to take it's toll. I'm literally exhausted. Going to try some Valerian root and melatonin again, have to get some sleep again this really sucks I can't keep being a walking zombie. I will not succumb to pills to help myself though.... fair well til next time.

  9. #39
    Thisweekforsure is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by getmylifebackagain View Post
    Dragging through Day 10 here! Been only getting 4 hours of sleep at most the last 4-5 days and its starting to take it's toll. I'm literally exhausted. Going to try some Valerian root and melatonin again, have to get some sleep again this really sucks I can't keep being a walking zombie. I will not succumb to pills to help myself though.... fair well til next time.
    Valerian root is my salvation. A little melatonin too. I hope it helps. Valerian I took as many capsules as it took, up to six, melatonin keep it 3mg or under.

  10. #40
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Day 11 here! Ugh brain is so fried right now from exhaustion and company being insane busy today. Fell asleep last night about 2am and woke up right at 3am thrashing around horribly. Popped 2 valerian root and 5mg melatonin and finally forced myselp to sleep about 345. Woke up to alarm about 745 awesome another 4 hour day. Well got some stuff done for an hour and layed back down. Took another hour to crash but ended squeezing another hour of sleep before 11 when I had to get motivated. One good thing is this seems to really be my own major symptom anymore. Usually a very sound sleeper who loves to sleep alot, even before pills. The RLS seems to be starting to subside a lot also I think.

    The difference today is its 6pm here and I literally feel like I can fall asleep. Usually just tired feeling but not able to sleep. I am about drifting typing this though. Thats a little difference but hopefully a big one. If I can pull 8 hours of rest I'm going to be ecstatic.

    Another good note is my business and personal accounts are starting to look a lot happier. Not feeling dead broke anymore. I also notice most of my hinges (knees, elbows) are achy today but not flaming sore like they've been. I'm pretty sure the RLS is fading thank God.

  11. #41
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    Hey it's been a few days lol. I guess today makes 27 days clean! Life has thrown a curveball here and there with the separation from the fiance and renting a new place. Work has been seriously demanding also. I was trying to journal this progress but my mind hasn't been in that state lately. I am happy to say I have not touched anything in 27 days though!!! Life is better here, thinking is clearer, not as broke all the time..well at least not because of buying pills lol!!!

    I rarely ever think about them right now, but that beast is always lurking. What messed me up at 80 days last time is having a few in the med cabinet the whole time. Things changed and I no longer have access to anything, I have cut away all of that from my life now.

    Symptoms wise, I think I'm past most everything now, sleep is a bit erratic but that could be because of everything else on my mind too. I am at least getting 6-7 hours a night but I think that's about what I always got.

    Personal wise, just rented a new place so busy on moving and dreaded organizing, me and the ex-fiance still have stuff to hash out business wise, 3 year relationship you build up quite a bit, been talking to my ex-gf again who I dated for a couple months before I met the fiance, who I've always cared about and always regretted leaving for the fiance. Trying to see if we still have something, if not I never wanted to lose her as a friend if nothing else.

    Anyways just wanted to check in....27 today and tomorrow will be 28 and so on and so on.....I have it so deeply set into my mind that I will never use again that I don't believe anything will kill that feeling. Thanks always for the support!!!

  12. #42
    getmylifebackagain is offline Junior Member
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    41 days now!!! Loving this side again!!! Totally worth it guys. Hang in there and show those demons who's boss!

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