Results 1 to 13 of 13
Like Tree5Likes
  • 2 Post By Catrina
  • 1 Post By McFlys
  • 1 Post By Butterfly770
  • 1 Post By addict0213
Help! Cant seem to kick hydrocodone addiction
  1. #1
    addict0213 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default Help! Cant seem to kick hydrocodone addiction

    I have been on hydrocodone on/off for the past four years. Quit once for over 6 months, but cant seem to kick it. Ive been through this many times. I have 2 small children AND my mother died from a lortab and zanax addiction, yeah I have turned into everything she was. But my problem is I have nothing to do now. I was working last time I quit. I had something to look forward to. Now I just sit at home, bored out of my mind. MY job closed last may and have been on these devils since. If I could find good employment with my degree I feel like I would have something to focus on. My kids have a great father and we are still together but I am so unhappy. I actually was having an affair during my 6 clean months. Like I traded the pills for a man? crazy I know, but it was so toxic yet exciting, a thrill. Now all that is gone. I am kinda alone in this world. I am somewhat anti-social now. But I know if I get off these things I will start going out and enjoying life again. I tried to quit yesterday did not take any at all but it was the first time I went through withdrawl without clonidine. I have that medicine but my doc. wrote me a script for remeron. I have only taken it once and it knocked me out. So i read you can not take clonidine and remeron together so I thought I would try the remeron, wellll It did not knock me out it made me sleepy and helped with the chills and sweating but still was up. I want to get started on the remeron as soon as possible because I lost a lottt of weight and I am depressed. But I am not sure how to take it and if I should stay on the hydros for a couple more weeks and start the remeron since it can take a few weeks to work OR go through the withdrawl with the clonidine and zanax and immo. and once that week is over start the remeron. Yet I know if I do that MENTALLY I wont be ready. I know all over the place, but any advice would help. I am so disconnected to my family that I cant get clean for them. To make things worse my "boyfriend, fiance, kids father" takes them for his back yet he has somewhat of a grip on it, but knowing he has them makes it so much worse. He works a labor intense job with back problems but he can stop and literally sleep through withdrawl if he goes through it. HE is very strong minded, unlike me. But I want to get off its just I am not sure what route to go. I was not sure about taking the hydros with the remeron until the remeron starts to kick in, if I can I would like to try that for maybe two weeks, then cont. the remeron through withdrawl but then I dont think I can take the clonidine which I know is a BIG help with withdrawl. Im up to about 10-12 10/325 a day. And I am 29 yrs old and I just know I am killing my liver which is giving me crazy anxiety cause I just feel something inside of me saying today is the day your liver will give up. I am literally driving myself crazy. I had a liver test done about 1 1/2 yrs. ago and it was fine except one little point over on the AST I think. But I just am so lost on what to do and 99% is mental for me. SO please HELP

  2. #2
    addict0213 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default

    Also, I cant go back to my doc. because he doesn't know I am back addicted and I have so much anxiety I couldn't go back and tell him that I am back in the same place. ANY help would be appreciated

  3. #3
    7fourteen is offline Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    58

    Default

    Hey addict! Welcome. There are many people on this site who will be able to give you good solid advise. The fact that you are here and acknowledged your addiction is a step in the right direction. Hopefully one will responde soon. I'll check back in awhile. Stay strong....

  4. #4
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Welcome,

    I'm sorry you are in the spot you are but glad you found us. I can tell from your post that you are having high anxiety and we all know it's common but awful. The first step is to acknowledge that our use has gotten out of control and we are going to do whatever it takes to get out of it. Make a commitment to face it head on. This anxiety makes it worse than it has to be. I'm the Queen of Cold Turkey. Want to talk about relapses? I can't count that high. I'm over 6 years clean now after almost 20 years of use, abuse, cold turkey and relapse.

    Having said all of that, your doctor I'm sure would not judge you for this. They know that the percentage of people who relapse is quite high but I also totally understand if you don't want to go to him so if you don't want to, then don't. I always did this without a doctor's help and so I know it's quite doable if you want it bad enough. Kids, work, all of it...I had those responsibilities and still I managed because I had no choice. Was my house immaculate during detox. Ummmm not so much. Did I make big meals every night? Not at all.

    I started out by reading here for days, maybe weeks and began to get excited that just maybe I could do it. After a period of time I began to post all over the place until someone finally suggested I start my own thread. By that time I had a week or so of days under my belt and here I am still. There are some things listed on the Thomas Recipe you can find here that are over the counter and may help a little. Hot baths/showers a must.as is Immodium. Try to eat as best you can, drink plenty of water and keep your mind and body occupied with other things than how awful you feel. Is it easy? Of course not.

    When was or when will you have your last dose? The symptoms and timeline for detox is very predictable and I can certainly tell you what to expect. It's around 5 days of having a very bad flu and then most of the physical symptoms will be gone. The mental battle will continue and this is where support will really help. More on that later. One step at a time.

    Post soon with an update. I'll try to watch for you and help you make a plan. If you want it bad enough, you can have it. You just have to be willing to do the work. It's doable!!! So doable.

    Peace,

    Cat
    alone13 and addict0213 like this.

  5. #5
    McFlys is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1

    Default

    I am in the same boat as yours but much worse and much longer. I was given pain meds when I broke my leg at age 19 and instantly fell in love. The pain pretty much went away and I was left with this lovely feeling of wellbeing. I felt like life was so beautiful and I had no worries. I loved all the people working on my broken leg - I mean I LOVED them! I thought how wonderful these people were who were patching me up. How dedicated, how many years it took them to learn how to put broken people back together. They were like angels. Because I was young and did what I was told I stopped taking the lovely pills when they cut me off but it was ok, I had so many friends and so much life ahead of me...

    Fast forward to 31 YO and having my 2nd baby emergency C-section - she was breech - and ahhhh, the lovely pain pills. It was wonderful! I was flying high with a perfect little baby! Every 4 hours a sweet nurse gave me a lovely pill and off I'd go into the land of happiness, no worries, calmness, all is well. Beautiful!

    Fast forward 4 years and my knee cap is badly pushed out of place, stuck behind my leg. Hurt like hell but my first thought was "I wonder if they'll give me pain pills for this?" They did. I have arthritis - not too bad - but I can't take any aspirin or Ibuprofen type meds. Nothing w/ NSAID's so I'm given the lovely pain meds. After awhile I need to take more and more to get that lovely feeling. The doctor says I'm taking too many, so I go to different doctors and get more meds. I get caught but explain about the horrible pain I have (not really) and they nicely give me 150 pills per mo. Heaven!

    But something else is happening. I'm not caring too much about anything but my pills. I turn down invites because I'd have to take extra pills. I seem to have shut myself off from friends and now going out makes me nervous hence the need for more pills. My beautiful children aren't the center of my life anymore. Pills are. My once nicely smooth skin is rough and I don't much care. I eat cookies for breakfast and lunch, too much trouble making anything decent, and lo and behold, I've gained 40 pounds and 27 years have passed. I truly don't remember much of them.

    So now finally I'm going to try to quit because something very alarming has happened. I found a bottle of pain meds for my husband deep in his sweater drawer. He has begged me for years to get off these life sucking pills and I guess he figured "if ya can't beat 'em, join em". Now I know why he's been content to sit home all weekend like I do. I've poisoned my best friend of 35 years. Long story to tell you quit now - no matter how hard it is. Don't sell your future for a few moments of forgotten happy feelings.

    Please pray for this 62 yo loser.
    addict0213 likes this.

  6. #6
    Cree34 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Dear Addict,

    You can do this! I did this week and trust it wasn't easy but doable. I am on day eight of no opiates or benzos. I stopped cold turkey. I used heating pads, hot baths, clonidine, and vitamins. The best advice I can give you is to find something to keep your mind busy. I went shopping ( I had to make myself, it was hard), I did house and yard work, and on my down time I read tons and tons of posts on this forum. I found comfort knowing that I am not alone.

    Doing this was the best thing I have done for myself and my family. I feel alive again. It was a few days of hell for a future of freedom and happiness. I look forward to reading your sober future posts. I know you will do it! I am here for you.

  7. #7
    Mike1966 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    18

    Default

    Hi McFlys,

    You are not a looser. Sound to me like you have made a winning decision. Life is about what you do today. Learn from your past mistakes, but don't dwell on them.

    Go give that husband of yours a big kiss and move forward with your new life. He will be excited that you are making the right decision.

    Don't forget that change will take some work and will power.

    I'm normally not a praying man, but I will say one for you tonight.

  8. #8
    Outdoorsman50 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    43

    Default

    Hello addict0213
    You can do this hang in there. We all know how you feel. Focus, focus, focus.

  9. #9
    lostangel25 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1

    Default you just brought me to tears

    Quote Originally Posted by McFlys View Post
    I am in the same boat as yours but much worse and much longer. I was given pain meds when I broke my leg at age 19 and instantly fell in love. The pain pretty much went away and I was left with this lovely feeling of wellbeing. I felt like life was so beautiful and I had no worries. I loved all the people working on my broken leg - I mean I LOVED them! I thought how wonderful these people were who were patching me up. How dedicated, how many years it took them to learn how to put broken people back together. They were like angels. Because I was young and did what I was told I stopped taking the lovely pills when they cut me off but it was ok, I had so many friends and so much life ahead of me...

    Fast forward to 31 YO and having my 2nd baby emergency C-section - she was breech - and ahhhh, the lovely pain pills. It was wonderful! I was flying high with a perfect little baby! Every 4 hours a sweet nurse gave me a lovely pill and off I'd go into the land of happiness, no worries, calmness, all is well. Beautiful!

    Fast forward 4 years and my knee cap is badly pushed out of place, stuck behind my leg. Hurt like hell but my first thought was "I wonder if they'll give me pain pills for this?" They did. I have arthritis - not too bad - but I can't take any aspirin or Ibuprofen type meds. Nothing w/ NSAID's so I'm given the lovely pain meds. After awhile I need to take more and more to get that lovely feeling. The doctor says I'm taking too many, so I go to different doctors and get more meds. I get caught but explain about the horrible pain I have (not really) and they nicely give me 150 pills per mo. Heaven!

    But something else is happening. I'm not caring too much about anything but my pills. I turn down invites because I'd have to take extra pills. I seem to have shut myself off from friends and now going out makes me nervous hence the need for more pills. My beautiful children aren't the center of my life anymore. Pills are. My once nicely smooth skin is rough and I don't much care. I eat cookies for breakfast and lunch, too much trouble making anything decent, and lo and behold, I've gained 40 pounds and 27 years have passed. I truly don't remember much of them.

    So now finally I'm going to try to quit because something very alarming has happened. I found a bottle of pain meds for my husband deep in his sweater drawer. He has begged me for years to get off these life sucking pills and I guess he figured "if ya can't beat 'em, join em". Now I know why he's been content to sit home all weekend like I do. I've poisoned my best friend of 35 years. Long story to tell you quit now - no matter how hard it is. Don't sell your future for a few moments of forgotten happy feelings.

    Please pray for this 62 yo loser.
    Why it brought me to tears cause its my storey as sad as it is im 28 and i feel like ive lost myself and to what a few pills a day a high that has stolen me from my mom my son my everything i feel powerless aginst a tiny little pill that has taken over my life and it all started when i unfortunately had cancer they said here take these they'll help and they did till i had to start taking more n more then i just lost myself i want to quit but fear withdrawals the worst part is my husband who ive been with for 12 years also takes them and we have lost eachother we are still together but each of us lost on our own addiction not really loving one another but loving our sad little pills the hardest thing is i feel like im failing my son and everyone for that fact the pills have taken my memory my happiness they have just taken me but where do i start when do i start i work two jobs and im still broke cause i spend all my money on an addiction thats killing me inside and i dont have two >>>> jobs i am a postal carrier and i have my own business delivering bread for a national company plus my husband has a decent job yet where are we no where lost in an addiction no money no life no happiness nothing but a stupid pill controlling us separating us killing us i miss me i miss happiness i miss my memories all for what a PILL

    I need help and support if im going to do this!!!!!

  10. #10
    Butterfly770 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1

    Default

    I'm sure this will instantly turn everyone against me, but I couldn't quit without methadone. I was taking 7-10 10mg Norco pills every 2-3 hours. It's a wonder that I even have a functioning liver.
    I didn't start MMT just because of withdrawal fear either. I KNEW that I could "quit" 1,000 times, but I also knew that I'd go right back. It was much more than physical dependence, it was a torrid love affair. Well, Actually it was more like I had Stockholm syndrome.
    I just knew that if I didn't get help from a therapist or councillor, then I'd be quitting cold turkey in a coffin. I still feel like throwing up when I think of all the money I spent on pills.
    One of the very best moments of my life was one day while walking through a store, I saw an art set that I just KNEW my daughter would love to have, and I put it in my basket. Why was this so special? Because I didn't have to stand there and figure up how many pills I'd miss out on if I bought it. I just bought it, and giggled. It was a powerful feeling!
    I won't tell you my full story here, but I'm sure most ppl here know it, or some version of it. First I had real pain, then I fell in love with that 'feeling'. Then I got caught by a doc trying to get more pills. Lots of ER visits. Finally I admit (but only in my head) that I am addicted, but insist that I don't care, bc I NEED them to be happy. I always had an excuse to need them. Then I started having anxiety. I couldn't leave home unless I was high. Then I would take them but feel nothing. Higher and higher my dose went, until I was at scary levels. Woke up one day and realized I was miserable and tied. How much of my life is gone? Oh >>>>! Finally admitted out loud that I had a problem, and that I need help. I quit, I relapsed, over and over. Finally, ENOUGH! I got on methadone. I relapsed bc I was too scared to admit to my doc that I had a problem, so he gave me pills when I get hurt. I admitted my mess up, stuck with therapy, then started rebuilding my life.

    I can't tell you what to do, but I do want to give you a tiny bit of advice. Try to be brutally honest with yourself. One thing we addicts are great at is excuses, and sometimes you say those excuses enough to believe them. That's what keeps you from trying to REALLY try to quit, those little lies we tell ourselves.
    Also, try to remember that the sooner you quit, the sooner your happy times can start. I pray that yours is sooner than u know!
    - C
    addict0213 likes this.

  11. #11
    addict0213 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    3

    Default

    I cant believe how many people are in the exact same boat as me and my family. I am just now checking this cause I have been scared to death to read what people would say. I am glad I finally did. The past two weeks its been off two days then I cave and take one. I just cant seem to get over the first few days. But I know reading this I think I can finally be done once and for all. THankYou
    Catrina likes this.

  12. #12
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    You can be done. I promise. Pick a day and say enough is enough. The withdraws are tough there's no doubt about that, but the freedom you'll have from being clean is so much better.

    It doesn't matter how many times you fall as long as you always get up. You CAN do this. Keep posting.

  13. #13
    badmother is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    7

    Default

    How many days was it that u felt better? I caved I after 5 days! I feel so horrible! !

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22