hi im new here and my name says it all

[scarednalone]

let me explain a little back story. i got in this mess a little over 3 years ago when i had my twins via emergency c-section. not quite because of the pain meds after but more from the damage that the spinal caused. the spinal block caused damage to 4 discs in my back and at some point i could barely walk. i got into a pain clinic and the doctor was very willing to prescribe whatever i needed. at that time i thought that was wat i needed boy was i wrong. here i am 2 years later and im in big trouble.... im addicted and pregnant! how do i do this? i cant go to a dr for treatment because when my twins were 7 months old they were taken off of my husband and i because my dad hurt my son. it took years for me to get them back and i havent even had them back for 6 months and here i am in this mess. the addiction did NOT come til after my sons were taken so i think part of the reason i reached for pills (mainly percs) was because of all the stress from not having my sons. i cant go to a dr if cyf finds out they will take my sons and i WILL NOT have that. im on day 2 of wd and im scared im going to hurt this baby with this... what do i do?? im 11 weeks so this baby has had 11 weeks of pills and im not sure if it can be dependent on that with such little time but im not sure. i was not taking many pills maybe 5 or 6 a day sometimes a few more if it was a highly stressful day or a really bad pain day because the normal dose just didnt help with pain any more. none of my family knows of my addiction. my husband and i are on the rocks, not because of my addiction but because hes just not considerate and he tends to be mean to me. im on bed rest because cramping started about 3 weeks ago and the dr wasnt sure why... even on bed rest i still have to take care of my twins clean the house and cook because he feels that if he works 5 hours a day he shouldnt have to do any of it not thinking about me or the baby and im not really sure he even cares. so if i were to tell him of my addiction he could use it against me to get my sons off me. i am using anti- diarrhea meds to help with the diarrhea because that seems to be the hardest part of wd for me but i have no energy to take care of my kids and no real support system to help me how do i do this. i NEED to do this. im already on day 2 and i cant see going back now. not to mention i have no money to buy any so theres no way i can buy any to begin with and couldnt trust myself to wean off. i tried that with my last script and still wound up 2 weeks short so theres no way i can do that. how long will this last when does the "hump" come? ive never gotten through more than 3 days of wd so im not sure what to expect. can anyone help me here?

[nomo momo]

There are people here to help and support you.

Could you make it clear as to the doses of percs you have been taking and for how long?

By reading this, it looks like about 6x5mg percs daily for a little over 2 years?

[scarednalone]

hi. it started off at 5 mg then a few months ago they bumped me up to 10 mg. it probably seems like hardly any compared to a lot of ppl but to me its a whole lot. i watched my mom suffer with drug addiction and didnt do anything to help her and now shes gone. she bled to death because of what the meds did to her and i dont want to end up like her and i certainly DO NOT want to lose my kids. losing my kids would mean losing me reason for living honestly. im on almost 48 hours cold turkey and not feeling much different im just hoping i can even start to feel better soon because right now i feel like im going to jump out of my skin at any moment. thanks for replying btw i really appreciate it and i need the support right now.

[nomo momo]

So we are talking 6 x 10mg = 60mg daily?

I take it your Dr. didn't/doesn't know you are pregnant?

I really don't feel comfortable advising you as to how the best way to get off of the percs considering you are 11 weeks along. However, I think I can help with some next steps and overall I feel that the emotional stress is what you need to get a grasp of. For you and for your baby.

As far as being too tired to take care of your kids I mean you are pregnant, I don't think its out of line to use that as an excuse to rest a little if you really feel being honest with your husband is not an option. You do not have to go through this alone....there are some real good people on this forum to support you.

[scarednalone]

no i actually just found out a month ago... ive been to my ob but he has no idea i was in pm because when i would run out of my pills i would call him claiming period cramps and needing something for it and hed prescribe tramadol which helped me get through every month. now i sit here over 48 hours in and im not feeling as lousy... yes still tired but thats about it my diarrhea meds help a lot since the diarrhea is the main thing i cant handle. im really hoping i can do it this time as i have an apt to pick up a new script on the 5th and i dont want to pick it up but im not sure if ill have enough will power by then. my real question is just how long will i suffer through this before it goes away. i want my life back. i used to be fun outgoing easy to get a long with now im none of those without pills... im short tempered not wanting to deal with ppl and so on.

[nomo momo]

i can't give you an answer you are looking for. everyone is different and your situation is compounded a bit with the prego.

If you were my wife, I would want you to talk this through with your ob or another professional. However, I have seen some successful expecting mothers on here. I will ask someone who has a lot of knowledge on this stuff to stop here.

[nomo momo]

Your symptoms at 50+ hours are mild in comparison to what most have dealt/are dealing with.

No real reason to pick up a script on the 5th!

[powerless]

Hey hon,
Your story broke my heart. These things are evil evil evil. What's so funny is I've had 4 surgeries do to "woman problems" and never got addicted to pain meds, never would even finish my script after my sugeries. Had one surgery took 2 pain pills and threw the rest out. Fast forward several years later and I've been on the pills off the street for close to five years now. Perc 10's are very strong and the first time I went cold turkey I was about at your dosage and I thought I was dying. I made it through it for 2 weeks and felt 500 percent better on my second week. Buy day 5 you should notice a HUGE change symptom wise. I'm not advising you on what to do regarding getting off the stuff as you are pregnant but I think this is your ONLY option at this point. You do not need the script and everytime you think about taking it you need to look in your twins eyes, rub your damn belly, and get real with yourself. You are walking a fine fine line right now and have worked too hard and it isn't worth it to lose it all.

You are on bedrest now is the time to be selfish. If you can't manage call someone to help you. Use that excuse until you get through the worst of this. You will notice a huge diffence within 2 days I promise. Are you taking your vitamins? Right now is the time to stuff them down your throat because with all the runs, it's draining your body of them. There is a link around here called the Thomas Recipe, it's all herbal but I don't know if it's safe as you are pregnant.

Good luck hang in there and get help if you need it. Really. Now is not the time to super mom.... If you can only do a couple of things do them and then lay down again. But honestly you will much better in serveral days... I promise.

[bekka1964]

JUst the fact that you are here,shows you are not powerless. And your a Mom so we know you are powerful! I really cant advise with your being pregnant but I know someone who might I will see if shes in this fourm. I'm a Mom too, my sons are grown and "my troubles" did not start til my early 30's ,so they were already teens by then. I do remember when I was 18 and fround out I was pregnant I quit everything right then,cigs too (still non smoker) but I was not addicted to anything then, just a party girl. Do come here and talk and get support but please tell someone else ,your doc,husband,a good friend, there is a way and your always stronger when a another life is involved. have a good day God Bless You & your baby