Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 60 of 170
Like Tree34Likes
I can see the Trees
  1. #31
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Thank you Bette and PoppyGirl 37 always help to know you are not alone... I don't know what I would do without this form...
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  2. #32
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Good Morning

    Woke up this morning feeling depressed have to go to work. I am in pain and I think I have a onset of PAWS because I feel really low this morning trying to talk myself out of this so hard at times just want to lay down and go back to sleep.... I know I cannot have to keep moving....

    I did go to a NA meeting yesterday... It was ok cannot say if I will go back or not.....

  3. #33
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    One day at a time.....

  4. #34
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Day 7
    came home from work early today, felt like I was going to pass out.... I drove myself home and took a half of klodopin to calm myself down, I think I was having an anxiety attack.... I fell alsleep woke up and went for a walk swung on the swings for awhile. I been having the blahs all day today. But I am still clean from the beast...

    I hope I feel better tomorrow. Don't care much for the Klodopins but it help calm me down some... I am so frighten about getting hooked on something else I wont use anything more than 4 days...

    So it maybe because I stop taking the Gaba, because I am fearful of those as well... I just want to feel better.. I know I dont have much time in but my life has not stop still have to work and I still have a 8 year old to care for so... Don't have the luxury of taking time off or caring for myself as I should...

  5. #35
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Well today is day 10 of me being clean, I feel ok accept for the up and down of depression and my house is a mess I have trying to do a little daily to restore some sanity back to my life. I am back to work full time and I went back Monday after.... The episode on Sunday... I wanted to go back to a meeting but no gas to get there.

    The feeling of loneliness is taking me over my fiance and I relationship is very strand right now but I know as the days go on I will feel better just for today.... I am still clean of the pills.... It didnt take one day to get this way not going to take a few days to recover.... Once my eyes are open I can see what a mess I have made of my life... I am not going to dwell on that I am just going to keep going until I can see the trees clearly....

    I am not the exercise type, so I just keep trying to go for a walk while I am at work.... I know I can over come this.... And I will

  6. #36
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    2,537

    Default

    Yes you will..
    It is hard right now ..
    These drugs affect that part of the brain that connects to our survival..
    Our bodies and brain get to the point where it believes we need these substances to survive..
    Kind of like needing water and oxygen..
    That is how strong the pull is to continue to take them..
    When we stop it takes awhile for our bodies and brain to realize we are ok without them..
    Give yourself a little break..
    Eat some chocolate
    Watch 50 shades of Grey!
    Rest..

    You are doing great..
    Many of us stayed close to this forum during this time..
    Some of us still do..
    I will see u tomorrow..
    Smile!
    You are a Miracle!
    Bette
    Ilovemtndogs7 likes this.

  7. #37
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Hello Bette

    Thanks for the words of encouragement you have no ideal how much they mean to me especially since I feel so alone going through this it has been a time....


    Thank for all you do on this site I appreciate you

  8. #38
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    103

    Default

    Ladyblue, 10 days is amazing! I commend you for your strength. PAWS is no joke. I think that when we use, we cut ourselves off from others to protect ourselves. I think thats why so many people report loneliness during and after WDs. We forget how to connect with others. We forget that we need to. I believe that this, like other things, will come back eventually and the loneliness will fade. Until then, keep posting. Someone is listening.
    Iluv2smile likes this.

  9. #39
    jeffro6527 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    98

    Default

    Hi there LadyBlue-

    I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time right now. A few things come to my mind when reading your story:
    1. you've already got some really great people's attention on this forum who care and will help you through this
    2. I hated NA too. If you don't like the group find another one. If you can't find a single NA group that you can connect with start going to AA open meetings. I promise when you find "your" meeting you will instantly feel like you have arrived at home from a long tough journey. The comfort and support you will find along with the grace and ability to let go of the insanity are nothing short of miracles. I myself do not go to NA, but rather found an incredible small group of people in an open AA meeting that I go to every morning for meditation. You will be literally amazed at what connecting with other people who know your struggles will do for you.

    I know how desperate and alone you feel right now. I know that time stands still. I know that the word love sounds like a foreign language. I know how dark things can get. But I also know, and you need to know that choosing to change your perspective is the only thing you can really do. If it helps you read my journal I detailed my first month. I am 5 months clean now more or less. If I can do it so can you.

    I made a decision one day that no matter what I was going to be grateful for each day clean. When you say that out loud to yourself for long enough I promise you will start to believe it. If it helps get mad at the drugs, yell at them in the mirror and tell them how much you hate what they have taken from you!

    I firmly believe that where most people go wrong is that we as addicts want to constantly focus on the negative aspects of recovery and getting/staying clean. Focusing on all that negativity when there is a world of positive measurable benefits from the awesome decision you have made to change your life! embrace that decision, celebrate it, and LIVE IT!!! TODAY YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!

    With all my love,
    Your pal,
    Jeffro

  10. #40
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    103

    Default

    The reminder to focus on the positive is a good one. Thank you Jeffro. I just started this journey and I love hearing from people who have made it as far as you have. I gain a little strength from each story I read. It does scare me, the thought of never quite feeling normal again. I need to remember that even if that's true, it's still better than being a slave to opiates.

  11. #41
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jeffro6527 View Post
    Hi there LadyBlue-

    I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time right now. A few things come to my mind when reading your story:
    1. you've already got some really great people's attention on this forum who care and will help you through this
    2. I hated NA too. If you don't like the group find another one. If you can't find a single NA group that you can connect with start going to AA open meetings. I promise when you find "your" meeting you will instantly feel like you have arrived at home from a long tough journey. The comfort and support you will find along with the grace and ability to let go of the insanity are nothing short of miracles. I myself do not go to NA, but rather found an incredible small group of people in an open AA meeting that I go to every morning for meditation. You will be literally amazed at what connecting with other people who know your struggles will do for you.

    I know how desperate and alone you feel right now. I know that time stands still. I know that the word love sounds like a foreign language. I know how dark things can get. But I also know, and you need to know that choosing to change your perspective is the only thing you can really do. If it helps you read my journal I detailed my first month. I am 5 months clean now more or less. If I can do it so can you.

    I made a decision one day that no matter what I was going to be grateful for each day clean. When you say that out loud to yourself for long enough I promise you will start to believe it. If it helps get mad at the drugs, yell at them in the mirror and tell them how much you hate what they have taken from you!

    I firmly believe that where most people go wrong is that we as addicts want to constantly focus on the negative aspects of recovery and getting/staying clean. Focusing on all that negativity when there is a world of positive measurable benefits from the awesome decision you have made to change your life! embrace that decision, celebrate it, and LIVE IT!!! TODAY YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!

    With all my love,
    Your pal,
    Jeffro
    Thank you so very much Jeffo for those words I needed to see that this morning.... I am grateful for each day God has given me to be clean I feel a little better this morning but the NA thing keeps ringing in my ear maybe I will catch a meeting tonight.... No promises I appreciate all you guys reaching out to me in my time of need... This form has been a God send....

  12. #42
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poppy Girl 37 View Post
    Ladyblue, 10 days is amazing! I commend you for your strength. PAWS is no joke. I think that when we use, we cut ourselves off from others to protect ourselves. I think thats why so many people report loneliness during and after WDs. We forget how to connect with others. We forget that we need to. I believe that this, like other things, will come back eventually and the loneliness will fade. Until then, keep posting. Someone is listening.
    Thank you Poppy Girl day 12 today and I feel pretty good physically my mental is a whole different things. Yes PAWS is the devil.... Thank you for letting me know someone is listening and feels my pain... It helps to know this. One day at a time

  13. #43
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    103

    Default

    Lady blue you are helping me too. I just started reducing my dose this week, but after so many years, I have to go slow. Im too wimpy to do it fast and still work, but at least im doing it. I come here and read when I can't sleep at night or when I want to go off my taper plan. I haven't yet this time around. I didn't used to think a taper could work (I've failed before), but I never had the forum before. I feel like my will is stronger now because I draw strength from all of you. I also feel slightly less like a loser when I look at all the wonderful, caring people here who suffer from the same illness as I do. You are all so deserving of help, support and a good life that I can start to believe that I am too. I read your posts every day. You are not alone. We are not alone in this anymore.

  14. #44
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Today is my 12th day of being clean I feel a lot better today I cleaned my house went to work and did a little grocery shopping for the house... Thats a start to feeling better.... I had my ups and downs today but I struggled through...

  15. #45
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poppy Girl 37 View Post
    Lady blue you are helping me too. I just started reducing my dose this week, but after so many years, I have to go slow. Im too wimpy to do it fast and still work, but at least im doing it. I come here and read when I can't sleep at night or when I want to go off my taper plan. I haven't yet this time around. I didn't used to think a taper could work (I've failed before), but I never had the forum before. I feel like my will is stronger now because I draw strength from all of you. I also feel slightly less like a loser when I look at all the wonderful, caring people here who suffer from the same illness as I do. You are all so deserving of help, support and a good life that I can start to believe that I am too. I read your posts every day. You are not alone. We are not alone in this anymore.
    PoppyGirl we can go through this together it always helps to have a supportive friend that know what you are going through... Yes and the best way to do it is just do it....

  16. #46
    Anonymous Guest

    Default

    Ladyblue - it sounds like you are doing great. It really does help to keep busy and exercise. For me, work helps too.

    It is Day 13 for me, as I believe it is for you. This is my third try in six months. I say this not to discourage you, but encourage you. I cannot tell you any good reason why I took again, except for some pain which, now, I know I will probably always have. The pain, to me, is better than the Norco. I did not take a big dose, but nonetheless I had taken it for approximately 7 years.

    I decided to go on an antidepressant the end of April. Wellbutrin. FOR ME, and this is only my opinion, I really believe it was the deal sealer. I might be wrong, but that coupled with exercise has made me anxiety free. I feel no depression, however, I am still experiencing stomach problems. Not the stomach problems everyone else has in the beginning... I won't go into details. LOL.

    You are doing great. Keep us posted.
    Ilovemtndogs7 likes this.

  17. #47
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Ladyblue - it sounds like you are doing great. It really does help to keep busy and exercise. For me, work helps too.

    It is Day 13 for me, as I believe it is for you. This is my third try in six months. I say this not to discourage you, but encourage you. I cannot tell you any good reason why I took again, except for some pain which, now, I know I will probably always have. The pain, to me, is better than the Norco. I did not take a big dose, but nonetheless I had taken it for approximately 7 years.

    I decided to go on an antidepressant the end of April. Wellbutrin. FOR ME, and this is only my opinion, I really believe it was the deal sealer. I might be wrong, but that coupled with exercise has made me anxiety free. I feel no depression, however, I am still experiencing stomach problems. Not the stomach problems everyone else has in the beginning... I won't go into details. LOL.

    You are doing great. Keep us posted.
    Hello hope, yes today is day 13 for me, yesterday I experience stomach issues as well had to get me another bottle of Imodium it was so bad yesterday at work!... My sister takes wellbutrin and she swears by it... I take zolft does very little to help with the anxiety... How do I know lol....I am so out of it at time who knows....lol I see we have our since of humor back....One of the favorite things about me I loved.... I started using again because on day 12 I came home from work had a splitting headache my house was a mess there was no dinner cooked the laundry ran over the laundry bucket just about how my house looks now....lol and I lost it I thought I will never get this together.... I just wanted to do a 1/2 to get my house and life back on track wrong decision... I should have left everything as it was it would have gotten done sooner or later..... Thats one thing the pills did for me is give me energy to do the things I didnt want to do...or was to tired to do.... Besides help with the cronic pain I suffer with....I hate those things they are horrible they robbed me of everything my well being my life confidence, not to include my bank account....is on $0....
    Ilovemtndogs7 likes this.

  18. #48
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Jeffro

    I did take some time and read your post amazing, how far you have come.... This gives me hope I can move forward without the pills that has robbed me of so much of my life and I had no ideal... I use to go into deep depressions when I didn't have them, and I couldn't understand what was going on went into metal hospital for depression twice, it was the pills, and withdrawals from the pills I was going through, not until a couple years ago when a associate of mines said she hates getting pill sick, and I looked up the information I realize all mental hospital trips and the depression was pill sick... How crazy is that...

    Really crazy right....

    Well thanks for allowing me to share and now today I am 13 days clean... I feel pretty good today.... Thank God for another day clean couldn't do it without him...

  19. #49
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    103

    Default

    Hope, I really get what you mean by how the opiates help you get things done. I've relapsed over that more than once and it's often the reason I put off quitting in the first place. Now I have to ask myself this question instead. Would my family rather have a messy house and a cheap take out meal and the REAL me awake and alive (eventually)? Or a clean house, dinner made and live with a shell of the person I used to be, not really living, only surviving? And what if I never wake up one day? Then will it matter if the laundry is done? What if my liver or kidneys finally give out? Then will they care if dinner was made? No one knows about my addiction so sometimes I use just because I think its the only way to not be found out. Im trying to remember that even if I wind up caught, I'd rather be caught trying to get clean than just using. It's such a scary hole we dig ourselves into. Keep fighting and keep posting. Someone is listening.
    Ilovemtndogs7 likes this.

  20. #50
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Today is my 14th day clean I did a full day at work yeah! it was hard because around 12 noon I start feeling restless and anxious. I hate that feeling.... I try to get depressed but I talk myself out of it.... Yesterday I went skating for my granddaughter's birthday I didn't want to go after working all week and, and I had to work the day I had off to make up for going to see my counselor. So I worked on Friday for 3 or so hours... I just wanted to relax on Saturday no such thing in my world.... I went to a skating party with 8 teenage girls and 3 preteens. And of course my grandson, and sister, it was okay... I tried to skate I kept thinking about falling and breaking something and have to go back on those dreaded pills so I took the skates off and walked around and talk with my sister and daughter.... Afterwards we went to my daughter's house for pizza and cake.... I got home around 8pm and just lay on the floor until I fell asleep.... up at 6am to get ready for work... I have no ideal how I am doing but I am the grace of God I know....lol

  21. #51
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    2,537

    Default

    I remember Jeffro when he first got here..
    He is an excellent example of what being proactive in our recovery can bring ..
    You girls are doing it too..

    When I was a little girl
    I did not say I want to hang out in 12 step meetings when I grow up..
    But my dream wasn't to be a pill addict either..

    But I am..

    And 12 step programs work..
    It has been proven..
    So I must treat this chronic disease that I have ..
    On a daily basis just like I fed my addiction..
    Exercise
    Nutrition
    Water
    Church
    Prayer..
    Is not enough..
    This disease is bigger than we are..
    It is
    Cunning
    Powerful
    And baffling..
    I need to see success to trust the process..
    It is here
    And At meetings I see that..

    Find one that works..
    AA
    pA pills
    NA
    It is all about looking for the similarities not the differences
    And knowing
    We can recover
    We are not alone..

    Recovery is a verb that takes work..

    I am so grateful to be an addict in recovery..
    The darkness and despair I have felt in my life..
    Allows me the light and hope that I have today!
    It is amazing..

    Life becomes daily .

    But our recovery can be exciting ..
    one day at a time!

    Just do it!

    Take care
    Bette
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-02-2015 at 09:06 PM.
    Ilovemtndogs7 likes this.

  22. #52
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Lady,

    I just read your post concerning your experience with the "savior rehab" in Florida. They called your daughter to tell her you needed help???? OMG! If this isn't a HIPPA violation, then there is no such thing! I would so be on this to cause as much trouble for them as possible. Just reading this honks me off in a way I can't explain here. I'd get banned for life. Just say it would have alot of characters that don't spell anything...##!!%$#!!

    Peace,

    Cat

  23. #53
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Lady,

    I just read your post concerning your experience with the "savior rehab" in Florida. They called your daughter to tell her you needed help???? OMG! If this isn't a HIPPA violation, then there is no such thing! I would so be on this to cause as much trouble for them as possible. Just reading this honks me off in a way I can't explain here. I'd get banned for life. Just say it would have alot of characters that don't spell anything...##!!%$#!!

    Peace,

    Cat
    Yes Cat they called my Fiance too, I was so out done I didnt know what to do to tired and drain to fight right now so... I am going to do something about it though soon as I get the strength too... Yea I was out done by that...

  24. #54
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Today is my 16th day clean and I feel ok really tired... I bought some takeout for my family tonight and I am just going to lounge in bed... I feel so exhausted I dont know what to do... But I did make it through another day.. Clean thank God... Bette I made it to another day clean... Bette I did go to a NA meeting last night... I really don't care for them make me feel so depressed... I am not going to quit trying to find one to go to that is comfortable to me... I want to thank you for your kind words... They keep me going...
    Ilovemtndogs7 likes this.

  25. #55
    Poppy Girl 37 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    103

    Default

    LADY....day 17? You've come so far. You are an inspiration! Keep posting. I enjoy reading them.
    What that rehab center did is wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry that your privacy was violated like that. Give em hell!

    When you're ready of course

  26. #56
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Poppy Girl 37 View Post
    LADY....day 17? You've come so far. You are an inspiration! Keep posting. I enjoy reading them.
    What that rehab center did is wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry that your privacy was violated like that. Give em hell!

    When you're ready of course
    Hello Poppy Girl thank you for the encouragement, I really appreciate it...

  27. #57
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Today is my 18th day clean, still feel a little down in the dumps now and then but for the most part I feel pretty good.... I need energy though I am always tired.... Going to the doctor tomorrow to have a check up to make sure I am ok.... This has been a long rode and I know I still have a ways to go.... I am doing it..... 18 days clean from pills

  28. #58
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,146

    Default

    Hey There Lady,

    Congratulations on another day. Sorry you're still not feeling that great, but you will. Good idea to see your doctor though. They can run blood panel to be sure your liver is ok and to check your thyroid, among other things. Won't hurt (except for the blood draw---ouch!).

    Keep posting. Always good to see your name on the front page.

    Peace,

    Cat

  29. #59
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    99

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Hey There Lady,

    Congratulations on another day. Sorry you're still not feeling that great, but you will. Good idea to see your doctor though. They can run blood panel to be sure your liver is ok and to check your thyroid, among other things. Won't hurt (except for the blood draw---ouch!).

    Keep posting. Always good to see your name on the front page.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Thank you Cat, could not do it without you guys....

  30. #60
    Ilovemtndogs7 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    1,282

    Default

    Wow LadyBlue-I haven't been on your thread for a while. I think it's because I (erroneously) head to the need to talk discussion. I can't believe how much of your recovery I've missed. 18 DAYS is amazing!! Way to win the day. I'm so proud and impressed. You just keep chugging along, regardless of how crummy you feel. That is being tuff. The day you spent celebrating when you really wanted to lay in a heap-that's winning. Seriously. Going to a meeting and staying, even when you aren't crazy about it-winning. Again. I'm at 180 plus days and everyday is not fabulous, no where close. Sometimes, real life is just real. I just wanted to check in and give you some love. Bette has really been here for you-I still laugh when I read her quote that no one wanted and dreamed of going to 12 step meetings when they were little. Well said. You rock. Big Hugs. Miss Dogs. /Sheryl

Page 2 of 6 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22