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  1. #121
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Woke up today feeling pretty good I still feel like what is all this for.... I am not be negative just being honest... I am still feeling like I am tired physically and mentally....

    day 33 still clean by choice

    wish I could have a do over......in this life...

  2. #122
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    Ladyblue - honest is good. No doubt about it. Every day cannot be good no matter what level you are at. For me, it's not having to look at the clock, worry about going to the doctor, worrying about running out, the depression, being ashamed, the list goes on. Can you relate to any of this? If so, that is what is all this for.... Walking. I know it sounds like a broken record, but it releases natural opiates in our brain. Day 34 for me so we are very close... The Wellbutrin helps me too, but that takes a while to work.

    I think every one of us wishes we cold have a do over. Why and how this happens to us is perplexing. We all have some kind of common thread. Depression, unhappiness, I don't know, but at some point we have to deal with the underlying cause. I am working slowly at it as I walk, listen to my music, and mediate at the same time.

    I wish and hope your day turns out bright today Lady. I really do!

  3. #123
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Ladyblue - honest is good. No doubt about it. Every day cannot be good no matter what level you are at. For me, it's not having to look at the clock, worry about going to the doctor, worrying about running out, the depression, being ashamed, the list goes on. Can you relate to any of this? If so, that is what is all this for.... Walking. I know it sounds like a broken record, but it releases natural opiates in our brain. Day 34 for me so we are very close... The Wellbutrin helps me too, but that takes a while to work.

    I think every one of us wishes we cold have a do over. Why and how this happens to us is perplexing. We all have some kind of common thread. Depression, unhappiness, I don't know, but at some point we have to deal with the underlying cause. I am working slowly at it as I walk, listen to my music, and mediate at the same time.

    I wish and hope your day turns out bright today Lady. I really do!
    Hey hope Thank you! I just posted on your board as well! Yes I can relate with you, more than you know... I am on zoloft I wanted to switch but have not had a chance to do so.. I am glad to know that I am not alone in this thanks Hope for the vote of confidence I needed it this morning....

    Have a nice weekend

  4. #124
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    Lady - at the end of the day today, I can relate to YOU more than you know! Gosh, I'm tired. I give you so much credit for raising a grandchild. You have my total admiration. It is a feat that is not for the faint of heart. The physical aspects of it, let alone the mental, especially while climbing this hill, is something I totally respect. You have to feel good about yourself, coming this far. You may be tired and a little low, but you are doing it. You are strong, I tell ya. Please hold your head up high because you, my friend, in my book, are accomplishing something that is very difficult. If I could, I would give you a big hug right now (even with my headache and all). Have a good night Lady. I hope you do something nice for you soon. You deserve it.
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  5. #125
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Yeah, what she said!!!!!

  6. #126
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    Ladyblue - am thinking of you today and wondering how you are doing. Day 34 for you today, right? Good for you! Are you doing something fun? I hope so. I did the usual stuff, and I am beat now. I am not liking this aging process. I can go like heck for a long time really, but by the end of the day I am out of fuel. Work tomorrow. I guess that is a good thing. I really don't mind my job on most days... How about you? Check in when you can.

  7. #127
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Ladyblue - am thinking of you today and wondering how you are doing. Day 34 for you today, right? Good for you! Are you doing something fun? I hope so. I did the usual stuff, and I am beat now. I am not liking this aging process. I can go like heck for a long time really, but by the end of the day I am out of fuel. Work tomorrow. I guess that is a good thing. I really don't mind my job on most days... How about you? Check in when you can.
    Hello Hope

    Sorry I have not replied before now busy with work and getting my Grandson ready for school started today left me little time to post.... Thank you so very much for your post.... You have no ideal how good that makes me feel.... Especially when I feel as if this is the hardest thing I ever had to do....Its been no easy feat to say the least... I just keep chug chugging along.... Have no other choice.... With encouragement from you guys I can feel good thanks you and Sliverling for keeping me on my toes today I am 35 days clean..... Thought I wouldn't make it but i have....

    Hope I am proud of you as well with or without kids I know how hard this is, especially when you think its over and there are more side affects...

    Silverling we are doing this you too... keep up the struggle we will make it .....
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  8. #128
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey, Anna May.....

    Yes we are doing it, my friend. It is just so darn nice to have such wonderful support.

  9. #129
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    Hi Lady - so proud of you - today is 36 days for you! I remember the school preparation. I used to love it. I love, love, love school supplies. Staples, Office Depot, etc. are some of my favorite stores. Yes, I am weird. I know it's not all fun and games though. I do. You are doing great, and your grandson is so fortunate to have a wonderful grandma such as yourself. I have a friend who is doing the same thing as you. Her grandson, however, has cognitive problems and will not proceed above a sixth grade education. Her husband, whom she had been married to for 45 years, died of cancer a month ago. My heart and admiration goes out to everyone who are raising their grandchildren. I give you so much credit.

    I knew you would make it, Lady, because you want it. I hope you can do something for you. Even if it's just taking a little walk. It really clear your mind and produces natural opiods (spelling is wrong, but once again, I am too lazy to look it up, sorry).

    It is a struggle, at times, but I believe, it is so worth it. I would like to concentrate on different aspects of my life now instead of "that." Meaning, I was always thinking about pills and never really caring or wanting to do very much else. How said is that? I suppose we have all been there, but I am not letting them waste one more second of my life. I know you don't want to either Lady.

    I really do not work for the Wellbutrin company, however, I am a big proponent on getting on an antidepressant. I think there is a big chunk of us that is a big problem--depression. It takes a while to work. That is the hardest part. I am an instant gratification person and I didn't think it was working. I am a big believer now that it does. Not trying to push drugs, just a suggestion. I was always anti, anti-depressant. I wasn't depressed, I said. I was...

    Have a good day Lady. Don't work too hard and, again, do something for yourself!
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  10. #130
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Hey Hope

    Yes today is day 36 for me I am still hanging in there! Yesterday you were such a inspiration to me I was feeling a little low I swear I have PAWS, I am like a roller coaster.... lol Just reading your post made me feel so much better... You are not weird.... You are OK in my book.....

    I am so sorry to hear about your friend life sure does throw you some curve balls, wow my prayers and heart goes out to your friend and her family sorry for her loss....

    Hope I use to always tell my kids once you are grown I am not raising no more kids don't bring any kids around here...
    I am going to be living my life seeing I was a mother at 15...... Here I am at it again....lol I would not trade him for the world he keeps me grounded...

    Well as of now no have little time for me and I am feeling it, I feel like its ground hog day everyday.... I am going to make some plans to hang out with my sister some.... this weekend maybe go uptown or something get my hair done...

    I feel the same way when I think about the pills, I think about I made a lot of bad decision while taking those things.... every time I think about them I think this is why you are in the position you are in now..... That alone keeps me clean because I hit rock bottom...That was the worst feeling in the world.... It could have been much worse if it was not for my man picking up the slack..... I am with you hope not one more second of my life wasted with the beast....

    I am on a anti-depressant I don't take much my sister takes wellbutrin and she swears by it as well. I keep saying I am going to the doctor and ask him to switch me.... Have not made it as of yet....

    I do agree I believe most of us have depression issue or other issue we fight with daily, the use of the pill made us feel like everything was going to be alright until we found ourselves having to take a pill to get up and go to bed, just to live.

    I am proud to be 36 days clean... By choice it makes all the difference in the world....

    Hope thanks for the post I really appreciate you!
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  11. #131
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    I got so much out of both of your posts above. How honest, and how real.......I am so happy that both you, Anna, and Hope, are my friends. Both of you women have such wisdom. And I can't wait til I am a month clean, again. You ladies are working it!!!!

    I pray you both had good days, today, and get some good sleep tonight.

  12. #132
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Thanks Silverlining

    You are pretty great yourself.... I hope,Hope is okay after her procedure... She is in my prayers.....

  13. #133
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    Hey Lady - thanks for the well wishes. I am just fine.

    How are you? Day 37 for you, right? Woo hoo. I know PAWS can be tough because many of the people on here have went through it. I know there is a thread that you might like to read. I'll have to look at his name again. i can never spell it right on my own. My brain will not let me. He journals of his start and battle over a period of time. I think he started last October or November if I remember correctly. As far as I know, he is still going strong. He suffered from PAWS somewhat. He got through it though. I used to read his thread all the time when i first got on here back in February.

    There are others that go through PAWS too or have gone through it. My brain feels foggy tonight and I can't remember who has mentioned going through this, but when I do, I will post it.

    I know you can do this. I keep thinking of how much better I feel when I look at the clock and time is not standing still--it's actually moving along... No more counting, no more doctor appointments, no more of so much, but more of the good stuff. Have you been able to get out for a little walk? Don't hurt me now... just asking. I remember when I would read some people's posts and think if they mention that again, I am going to scream. The bottom line on here, and the beauty of it all, and this is what I have learned, you can take what you want from it and leave the other. It's great.

    Write when you can Lady - I would love to know how you are doing or, just come here to vent and talk. I'll be back in a second with that name....

  14. #134
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    Lady - the thread I was referring to and, honestly, I finally had to write this down because I honestly could not remember how to spell it to make it over to your thread - LOL, is Efil Pleh. His battle kept me very captivated for a long time. I think I will drive over to his thread to see of his latest progress. He was doing great, the last time I read his thread.

  15. #135
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Evening, Anna.....Hope your day was alright. In fact, I hope it was great! Keep on, keeping on!

    My ex-mother-in-law raised her granddaughter by her youngest son And he had the nerve to keep on having children. I always admired her, because, she didn't have an easy time with her boys, much less raising the granddaughter. But....this child has given her sooo much love and pride...I, actually, think it was a blessing to both of them. The young lady has turned out to be quite a wonderful girl. She is now in college and making proper decisions that will benefit her in the future. My long-winded MIL fills me in at family events.....she feels she finally made a difference in a child's life with this granddaughter.

    Fact is, she has always made a difference....she just couldn't accept it, for some reason.

    Anyway, don't know why I went into that long dissertation, but, I did!

    Pray your day was good!

  16. #136
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Hey Lady - thanks for the well wishes. I am just fine.

    How are you? Day 37 for you, right? Woo hoo. I know PAWS can be tough because many of the people on here have went through it. I know there is a thread that you might like to read. I'll have to look at his name again. i can never spell it right on my own. My brain will not let me. He journals of his start and battle over a period of time. I think he started last October or November if I remember correctly. As far as I know, he is still going strong. He suffered from PAWS somewhat. He got through it though. I used to read his thread all the time when i first got on here back in February.

    There are others that go through PAWS too or have gone through it. My brain feels foggy tonight and I can't remember who has mentioned going through this, but when I do, I will post it.

    I know you can do this. I keep thinking of how much better I feel when I look at the clock and time is not standing still--it's actually moving along... No more counting, no more doctor appointments, no more of so much, but more of the good stuff. Have you been able to get out for a little walk? Don't hurt me now... just asking. I remember when I would read some people's posts and think if they mention that again, I am going to scream. The bottom line on here, and the beauty of it all, and this is what I have learned, you can take what you want from it and leave the other. It's great.

    Write when you can Lady - I would love to know how you are doing or, just come here to vent and talk. I'll be back in a second with that name....
    Hello Hope

    Glad to hear you are doing well! This is day 39 for you! moving right along... I am now on day 38, I am doing okay.
    Thank you so very much for the advice about ELI posting, it was very enlightening and helpful, It made me realize all I am experiencing is part of recovery, some of the thing he talked about was eye opening. When I was new to the form I read from his page, I stop and never went back, this time I spent the last 3 hours reading his page.... WoW I was so astonished and a relieved, if that make sense?

    I could relate to a lot of things he talks about, I laugh at some of the things because I was right with him... I could feel his emotions because thats exactly how I feel and felt...

    That was a tremendous help...

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart hope....

  17. #137
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    Evening, Anna.....Hope your day was alright. In fact, I hope it was great! Keep on, keeping on!

    My ex-mother-in-law raised her granddaughter by her youngest son And he had the nerve to keep on having children. I always admired her, because, she didn't have an easy time with her boys, much less raising the granddaughter. But....this child has given her sooo much love and pride...I, actually, think it was a blessing to both of them. The young lady has turned out to be quite a wonderful girl. She is now in college and making proper decisions that will benefit her in the future. My long-winded MIL fills me in at family events.....she feels she finally made a difference in a child's life with this granddaughter.

    Fact is, she has always made a difference....she just couldn't accept it, for some reason.

    Anyway, don't know why I went into that long dissertation, but, I did!

    Pray your day was good!
    Hey Silver my day was fine yesterday just busy as heck is all, by time I get home from work get the boy cook dinner and straighten up a bit it's a rap for me...lol I honestly don't know how I am doing this....I am glad I am.... As the days go by I am getting more clarity back, and it's good and bad...You know?

    Yes you know one thing, I am disappointed, I gave my all to raise my kids I raised 5 of them all of them graduated high school and went to college. No one could have ever told me that my son, my child would abandon his son, that is a hard thing to rap your head around.. I love him to death, would not trade him for the world...

    I hope I can make a difference in my grandson's life as well, one of the reason I choose to be clean... I want to make sure I am making all the right decisions, I want to have a clear head to make sure I give him all the opportunities he deserves...

    Being a mom you always wonder what if I had done this different.... Maybe if I had of spent more time with them would of should of could of... You know?

    It's ok no one came with a direction book all you can do is the best you can...

    Your dissertation is fine with me... I appreciate the time you put in to chat with me
    Hope you are feel okay today! I always say okay because I know with recovery, there are up days and down days.

  18. #138
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Today is 38 days clean I think? I always depend on Hope, Silverling, or the other forum members, to say hay congrats on being clean how many ever days... I am horrible about keeping track of the days... I just know I have used pills in well over a month....lol

    I felt pretty good today, I am seeing things a lot more clearer today... I have to thank my friend Hope ... I was going through all kind of emotions could not understand them...

    I have to be real honest... With using I never equated the addiction and pill sick part to the pill use... I had so much responsibility and dealt with a husband that used crack, drank heavily and he was a cheat, I worked 50 or more hours a week and raised 5 kids. I thought I was going through depression, and I was diagnosed with bipolar and hospitalized.,, I would use pills for a period of time then stop.... Car accident, Surgeries, female issues....Working in a factory over the years.

    Over a peroid of 20 years I thought I was having a nervous breakdown being diagnosed with bipolar and hospitalized and the whole medicine thing that goes along with it... The whole time I was getting pill sick... I feel so stupid.... It wasn't until a girl at work explain to me about being pill sick... WOW do you mean I went through all that, the whole time I was pill sick....

    So as of last year I learn the symptoms of being pill sick... That was most of my symptoms.. What I thought was depression bipolar just plain crazy and sickly... My doctor even diagnosed me with irritable bowel syndrome.. To explain the diarrhea...

    With Clarity comes the flood of memories... Going back years ago... It's good and it's bad... Good to know I am not crazy bad because I should have saw the signs....

    No feeling bad I am alive and today I am 38 days clean? By Choice

  19. #139
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    Lady - today is Day 39 for you, and I am so very proud of you. The term "pill sick" really resonates with me too. Especially, the last year of life. They made me cry, I was tired, did not have a lot of ambition, etc. I was also very choppy--it would not take much to say things I wish I hadn't. It was because of them.

    We both know this is not a cake walk. However, we are finding, through the fog, self help, exercise, and positive thinking there is a life after pills. I must admit, we are only human, I woke up this morning hurting from head to toe. A thought crossed my mind that I would feel better if i had a Norco. Nope, Advil is working just fine. I am lacing up in about an hour for my therapy walk. I do have to figure out that I tunes playlist better. I am looking down too much to change a song, and fear of tripping!

    I'm trying not to look back, and to only live for today and knowing my future is going to be brighter. It's just throwing time behind us that is important now. Every day we can call our own and succeed through this whole journey is a good one. Try to hold onto the good memories, and erase the bad. They do you no good except to bring you down.

    I am hoping you have something nice planned for the weekend. Maybe make a plan even for a nice walk somewhere different... A change of scenery, for some, is so helpful. I will be home this weekend so I will check on you then. Have a great day Blue!

  20. #140
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopes1211 View Post
    Lady - today is Day 39 for you, and I am so very proud of you. The term "pill sick" really resonates with me too. Especially, the last year of life. They made me cry, I was tired, did not have a lot of ambition, etc. I was also very choppy--it would not take much to say things I wish I hadn't. It was because of them.

    We both know this is not a cake walk. However, we are finding, through the fog, self help, exercise, and positive thinking there is a life after pills. I must admit, we are only human, I woke up this morning hurting from head to toe. A thought crossed my mind that I would feel better if i had a Norco. Nope, Advil is working just fine. I am lacing up in about an hour for my therapy walk. I do have to figure out that I tunes playlist better. I am looking down too much to change a song, and fear of tripping!

    I'm trying not to look back, and to only live for today and knowing my future is going to be brighter. It's just throwing time behind us that is important now. Every day we can call our own and succeed through this whole journey is a good one. Try to hold onto the good memories, and erase the bad. They do you no good except to bring you down.

    I am hoping you have something nice planned for the weekend. Maybe make a plan even for a nice walk somewhere different... A change of scenery, for some, is so helpful. I will be home this weekend so I will check on you then. Have a great day Blue!
    Day 40
    Hello Hope, yesterday was so busy, I had my granddaughter and my grandson, didn't have much time to post...
    How are you doing? This is day 41 for you...Congrats

    I agree with you Hope, every morning while getting ready for work I would cry like a baby.... I didn't want to go to work didn't want to stay home.... I was also tired and honestly Hope I am still tired.. I am getting little more energy everyday I am clean....

    This is not a cake walk by no form or fashion, I told my man this is the hardest thing I had to do besides raising 5 kids...
    But being on the pills was worst... When I read Eli page I had to laugh, I am silly anyway... Not that I was laughing at his plight... I was laughing because The things he said he did while on the pills like buying stuff, I was the same exact way I would by things, I went through `10,000 dollars in 4 months ask me what I have to show for it?
    It was madness......lol to say the least.... This is something I thought I would never laugh about because it was not so funny a few months ago.... I was hurt beyond belief could not figure out why I did it....

    Reading on here how everyone fells great by day 21 and 30, I was feeling a lot better physically but not all that great.. I ache all over as well.... One moment I can be feeling good mentally and the next minute I am mad as heck...Don't know why I am so angry... Like I am mad at myself and other.... I am trying not to look back as you suggested.

    Like I have been numb all these years and I waking up and all kind of stuff has happen.. Raw emotions and feelings...

    I am doing pretty good no matter what I am not using.. Yes we are human and to be human is to air... Using is what help get me in the place.... Not using is going to help me get out....

    It is worth being clean, I am starting to have longer moments of clarity.... . It like I don't know how to feel... At least I know I am not losing it... This is normal after a long time of use.... There is not quick fix, and it's only something time can heal...
    I know I am going to need counseling, heck I already go to counseling....lol..
    I know it my heart Hope I have to stay clean I feel like this is life or death for me...

    I am one of those people I cannot take this easy or I am going to think oh that was not that bad, I have to feel this to conquer it, if that make any sense? If I ever feel like this is something I want to do again I know the hell It took me through and the hell I went through getting clean....

    I want it edge in my memory to make sure I never do this again..
    For today I am 40 days clean, by my choice.....

  21. #141
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    Oh and Hope!

    I want to thank you for the time you take to post to me, you really have no ideal how much it means to me....
    I really appreciate YOU being my sober buddy...lol
    We are 40 and 41 days cleans by choice....

    Thanks

    LadyBlue

  22. #142
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hey, Anna....

    You inspire ME. You are doing great and record your thoughts so well.

    I was reading on Sue M's thread a bit ago......she was talking about the rage she is feeling on day 7....but when I read why.....I would have strangled some people.....if you get a chance, pop over to her thread......she could use some help on the anger.....and you have a good outlook on that, I think.

    Have a great day, Anna......

  23. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    Hey, Anna....

    You inspire ME. You are doing great and record your thoughts so well.

    I was reading on Sue M's thread a bit ago......she was talking about the rage she is feeling on day 7....but when I read why.....I would have strangled some people.....if you get a chance, pop over to her thread......she could use some help on the anger.....and you have a good outlook on that, I think.

    Have a great day, Anna......
    Thanks so much Silver,

    I really appreciate the support I did pop over to Sue M board and left a few words of encouragement... I can defiantly feel her pain...
    3 weeks for you huh... You just chug chugging along... Great! We fall down but we get up! My grandson was singing that song all day today weird right.... LOL so true when you don't get up when you start to worry, right?

    Have a nice evening stay safe in the storm....

  24. #144
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    41 days clean today, was not so bad today, the anger was not as bad only lasted a short periods of time today... I am moving right along...

    Felt pretty good today, I am always thankful for the good days...

    Went to work and usually when I get home I just want to sit around have to make myself keep moving... I got up did laundry, went to the grocery store and cook dinner.... Had a nice hot shower now I am just relaxing reading the board and posting a little bit before bed...

    I am coming out of my shell... Still a hermit though hopefully that too will pass... I am sure it will.. I use to be the life of the party...

    Looking forward to laughing until I cry...



    For today I am 41 days clean by my choice....

    Being clean is a Choice you have to make no one can make you want to be clean....
    You will know when it''s time! When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.....lol

  25. #145
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    Thanks for posting to Sue....your words, as always, were wise. Talking about looking at your ex-dealer's new car really struck me. So true, all the money we gave away...ugh...makes me sick!

    I love reading your posts, Anna...something everytime reminds me of myself.

    I bet you'll be out dancing in no time!

  26. #146
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    Ladyblue,

    I don't post here much, do I? I'm glad that the steady Eddies like Silver and Hope are here for you. I do read often and just caught up. 40 something days, huh? Good for you! Something you said recently about people saying they were "back to normal" around day 21--yeah. That wasn't me either. Fact is, when people first join here and ask the question about when they will be back to normal I almost always skirt around it. While going through detox and then early on if someone had told me it would take as long as it did I'm not quite sure I've have made it. That's one of those questions that's impossible to answer anyway. Normal? What's that? Not me. I believe that some people are able to pull themselves together quicker than others but truth be told the progress is so gradual I honestly couldn't tell you when I began to have more good days than bad. It just happened.

    One last thing. Find someone to go to dinner with. You are looking to feel good and that's a sure fired way to do it. Choose someone with a good sense of humor with whom you can be silly. Leave the serious chit at home. Laughter can have me sailing high for days. True story.

    Peace,

    Cat

  27. #147
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    Ladyblue - I absolutely hear you about wanting to laugh until you cry. Right now, I have hit a wall so to speak. We will have to pull each other up with our marvelous 42 and 43 days, respectively. Whoo hoo. Together we can do this. Sorry I have been AWOL for a couple of days. Just have been in a little low. Need to jump on here more often to keep my chin up!

  28. #148
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Ladyblue,

    I don't post here much, do I? I'm glad that the steady Eddies like Silver and Hope are here for you. I do read often and just caught up. 40 something days, huh? Good for you! Something you said recently about people saying they were "back to normal" around day 21--yeah. That wasn't me either. Fact is, when people first join here and ask the question about when they will be back to normal I almost always skirt around it. While going through detox and then early on if someone had told me it would take as long as it did I'm not quite sure I've have made it. That's one of those questions that's impossible to answer anyway. Normal? What's that? Not me. I believe that some people are able to pull themselves together quicker than others but truth be told the progress is so gradual I honestly couldn't tell you when I began to have more good days than bad. It just happened.

    One last thing. Find someone to go to dinner with. You are looking to feel good and that's a sure fired way to do it. Choose someone with a good sense of humor with whom you can be silly. Leave the serious chit at home. Laughter can have me sailing high for days. True story.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Hello Cat
    Thank you so very much for posting on my page, yes I really appreciate Silver and Hope...Everyone else that took a moment and posted on my page..... I feel the same way you do what is normal? how does normal act and feel?
    Today was one of my best days yet I was calm no bouts of anger or depression... I felt good... I was so thankful for that...I still feel good... Tired but good... I took Bette advice about sex, chocolate... Works wonders....lol. Slowly but surely and am falling in love with my better half all over again....During early recovery I didn't like him could not stand to hear his voice, I was angry at him like it was his fault I choose to abuse pills....lol crazy.... He must love me to death to put up with all I put him through during the last 7 years....

    I never thought about that Cat, I was disappointed when 20 and 30 days came and went I still felt crazy.... I thought I was going to feeling 100% but the time 30 days came when it came and went I was still feeling crazy.... I know everyone recovery is different you know how you read others page and you like yes this is going to over in no time. I make it through these days I will be back to my old self....lol I was doubtful. Not enough to go back to using....

    I am going to take you advice and find someone to go to dinner with. I think I have shewed everyone away though don't have very many friends left....
    I did go to brunch with my sister on Friday and went to visit my grand kids, something I haven't done in awhile...Felt good...
    I am so thankful for being clean of the beast I can shout!
    I love to laugh silly as I can be, I can crack a joke and laugh at my own joke till I cry with laughter..

  29. #149
    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    Thanks for posting to Sue....your words, as always, were wise. Talking about looking at your ex-dealer's new car really struck me. So true, all the money we gave away...ugh...makes me sick!

    I love reading your posts, Anna...something everytime reminds me of myself.

    I bet you'll be out dancing in no time!
    Hey Silver
    I was you out and about today making your rounds, this sound weird but it was meant for you to come back here and spread your wisdom and positive outlook you are great! Sometime we don't see the meaning in things that happen to us but everything happens for a reason...

    When you look back on it you are better for it.....


    Thanks for being here!

    Anna

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    Ladyblue1866 is offline Banned
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    Day 42 Clean and Felt Good

    WOW celebrating today didn't dread going to work or coming home was tired because lack of sleep.... still not getting my full amount of sleep, last night I slept 4 hours and the night before 5 hours... I was having fun last night... lol
    AS Ice Cube said today was a good day! Not all angry, and depressed.
    I laughed and harassed people at work today... My supervisor think I am crazy,I probably am anyone live the life that I have is not going to be all sane.. but he likes me, one of my customer gave me a good feedback! and the director of our department sent me a WOW card.... Have to love flying sober from the beast...


    I an glad I found this forum saved my life!
    I need to give back more to the sight by posting to other I know, I cannot take take take and not give back.... I see people post daily that are starting where we all started when we found this forum...

    One of the reason I am slow to post to other is because I am a abrasive sometime people are not ready for me.... I see the way Bette, Cat,Randy, Silver, and the other seniors post, they are positive and reassuring, I might tell it like it is not to say I have not seen them tell it like it is, I have... or my version of how it is anyway... Not always a good thing... Sometime being abrasive shall I say is not always good....lol. I mean no harm...

    But I feel, the key words being I feel.. This has not been easy at all, hardest thing I ever had to do, and believe me I have went through and done a lot....Shame and no shame.... This has been every bit of worth it... Not only am I getting my life back I have learned a lot about what is important and what is not so important... I spent so many years caring for other I never cared about me.... 14 I was pregnant 15 year old mother ,abandon by my mother, by 21 I had 5 kids... I know everyone of us has a story... A underlying of why we use... Most of us anyway... I am not looking back I am being real only when I know where I came from and why, help me know I am not crazy, and I will use it and look back on it, sometime laugh at it. Told you I am silly when you can laugh at it you have conjured it....
    What important is you have to wanted it, if it take 30 days, 60 days, a year! I want life, I have experience survival, I have teetered on the edge of death. now it time for me to live life...

    Today was a good day for me.. I felt good, no bouts of depression or anger today, I am thankful ... Tomorrow maybe different but I am basking in this day...

    42 days Clean My Choice... And I like it, the difference between this time and last time, is this time It's my Choice, I am doing it for me!

    I want to live..... I don't have the strength for another recovery...

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