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I think I'm done
  1. #1
    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Default I think I'm done

    Pain management has been a huge stressor in my life. It wasn't at first. It was a lifesaver from the whole body pain an autoimmune disease gives as a daily gift. It was a relief to not feel my degenerating spine and joints. Now, it's a monthly detox nightmare. I said last month I was done. Here I am, day 2...again. Ugh. I purposely sabotaged myself this month. Making sure I consumed Marijuana so that I would not be able to pass a drug test. Not saving my last pill for my next appointment. I'm just scared. I'm scared of when the whole body debilitating pain kicks in. I don't want to be without relief, but I need to be.

    I read all of Miss Dogs' thread today. It was an eye opener for me. This monthly cycle I am doing means I really am an addict. How do I deal with that mess? Ugh.

    Any and all encouragement is appreciated. This sucks doing this in the middle of a work week when I just want to lay in my bed.

    Years ago I had issues with cocaine and with Xanax. Now I don't touch cocaine (quit that cold turkey - that sucked) and I don't abuse benzos anymore even though I am prescribed them, because they are the only thing that help with the neuromuscular tremors I have. I don't abuse them anymore. Will I ever be able to not abuse opioids? I have made the "I'll be better next month. I won't take so many for the pain. I'll supplement with motrin." Promise over and over again, and it hasn't happened. Does that make me an addict?

    I think I'm rationalizing again. Anyway, comments are encouragement is so appreciated and needed today.

    Thank you.

    Phoenix

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    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Hi Phoenix..
    Welcome to the boards! Congrats on wanting to be done with the evil opiates! You feel on top of the world and pain free until you don't anymore and you start getting that nagging feeling that this isn't working anymore!! It's very scary!! Even scarier having to look in the mirror and call yourself an addict!!?? That was crazy hard for me.
    Like you, I had a nasty Coke habit 6 years ago and I walked away from that still not realizing I had a problem with drugs. I thought just that one and I quit that so I was good. ... Until I wasn't! Realizing that now I was having an issue with oxy.. Well I know how you're feeling right now!

    You are in your day 2.. Your last day 2!! I found myself getting excited after reading all these posts! I found that I really really wanted to see the other side and be able to say I'm sober too!! People spoke about colors being brighter and smells being stronger ... Yes please!!!! The main thing was I needed to want it with every fiber of my body! And when I did... I jumped! I embraced the withdrawal symptoms instead of fighting them. I found it wasn't as horrible as my mind made it out to be.. So keep going and know in a couple more days you are going to be on the other side and feeling better.

    Keep posting your journey!! Lots of others will be along to encourage and give awesome advice!! Stay strong.. Just for today!'
    Xo
    Mary
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  3. #3
    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Thanks Gilsmom.

    Thank you for the encouragement. It does suck to look in the mirror and see an addict again. Ugh. My kids deserve so much better.

    So. Morning of day 3. Woke up to stomach cramps from hell.

    I'm going to hop off of here and get some more rest before my alarm goes off.

    Thanks,

    Phoenix

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    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Yeah.. Imodium was my besty! See it as ridding your body of poison. Cleaning out the closet.. Lol..
    I know day 3 is no picnic but you are doing this!! You set your mind and now you are already on day 3! You're doing great!!

    I thought of my kids too! They deserved a mom that was present and interested! And a mom that can look them in the eyes and be who they think I AM! That was a motivator for me! I wanted to see myself through their eyes and be that person! Speaking of eyes.. Have you looked in the mirror at your eyes? They sparkle when your sober.. My husband told me 3 times on my day 3 how beautiful my eyes were and it made me feel good and awful at the same time. No one knows my dirty little secret!

    Hang tough today! I will be around all throughout the day checking on you!! You are doing great!! You are more than half way through the yuck!!
    Xo
    Mary

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    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Okay so sleep just wasn't on the menu this morning.

    I decided to take a long hot bath to get rid of the muscle aches and take the immodium to get rid of the stomach cramps.

    On a side note, I really hate opiate sweats. I really do. I think they have an odd smell, they are sticky, and definitely different from a regular sweat.

    This morning my mind is my biggest hurdle. I'm depressed (which I know is the detox), and really just down on myself. I am so negative to myself when it comes to this journey I am on.

    "Are you really going to be able to live your life with no pain meds?. You have legitimate medical issues. You have been a >>>>>> mom lately and going through detox doesn't help."

    I think these are all of the things that we put ourselves through in detox, but it still isn't fun. The mental games and self beat down just makes the mentality worse.

    I have to be at work in a couple of hours and now I'm getting tired again. God. I just want my bed. I want to curl up under the blankets and let the world pass me by.

    However, today is a payroll day that I just can't miss. On top of that I have missed too many days in the last 90 due to my compromised immune system (thank you lupus) that I might be in serious trouble if I miss any day, let alone today.

    I hope everyone has a good day.

    Hugs and love to all.

    Phoenix

  6. #6
    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Mary,

    Your words of encouragement made me tear up this morning. It is such a relief to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. Thank you so much. It means more than I can even express.

    My eyes are a bit bloodshot today so I can't tell if they are clearer lol. I got shampoo in my eyes from my shaking hands. I have tremors in my hands and face that get worse with stress. If I didn't have klonopin right now I think I would be losing my mind from the lack of control over my own body.

    The change in my morning routine is strange. Normally (when I had pain pills) I would wake up an hour early and eat two small crackers and take a pill. Then I'd go back to sleep for half an hour to an hour until the meds kicked in. Before, when I ran out of pills I would take the last couple and break them up for morning doses so that I could manage to at least get to work in the morning during my week of detox. This month is different. I took all of my pills and threw myself into detox like a freight train. Now, on day three, I'm not sure if that was such a good idea lol.

    I still have my pain management appointment for next month. I haven't cancelled. I'm still in that addict mentality and I'm not sure how to get out of it. You know, the "saving yourself one last route to the drug" mentality. How do I overcome that? Just cancel it? Ugh.

    I have been very introspective this detox round. That's different. Before I was just counting down the days and mentally dragging myself until the morning of my appointment. Sometimes that was two or even two and a half weeks.

    Amazingly enough, the whole body debilitating pain hasn't kicked in yet. I'm wondering why. I know that will come because of my illness, but why do I feel okay and relatively pain free this morning?

    Anyway, thank you again. Talk to you soon.

    Phoenix

  7. #7
    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risingphoenix16 View Post
    Mary,

    Your words of encouragement made me tear up this morning. It is such a relief to talk to someone who understands what I am going through. Thank you so much. It means more than I can even express.

    My eyes are a bit bloodshot today so I can't tell if they are clearer lol. I got shampoo in my eyes from my shaking hands. I have tremors in my hands and face that get worse with stress. If I didn't have klonopin right now I think I would be losing my mind from the lack of control over my own body.

    The change in my morning routine is strange. Normally (when I had pain pills) I would wake up an hour early and eat two small crackers and take a pill. Then I'd go back to sleep for half an hour to an hour until the meds kicked in. Before, when I ran out of pills I would take the last couple and break them up for morning doses so that I could manage to at least get to work in the morning during my week of detox. This month is different. I took all of my pills and threw myself into detox like a freight train. Now, on day three, I'm not sure if that was such a good idea lol.

    I still have my pain management appointment for next month. I haven't cancelled. I'm still in that addict mentality and I'm not sure how to get out of it. You know, the "saving yourself one last route to the drug" mentality. How do I overcome that? Just cancel it? Ugh.

    I have been very introspective this detox round. That's different. Before I was just counting down the days and mentally dragging myself until the morning of my appointment. Sometimes that was two or even two and a half weeks.

    Amazingly enough, the whole body debilitating pain hasn't kicked in yet. I'm wondering why. I know that will come because of my illness, but why do I feel okay and relatively pain free this morning?

    Anyway, thank you again. Talk to you soon.

    Phoenix
    Maybe this time you have a more positive outlook on your detox than you have in the past!! Maybe that's why it's not as bad!? Maybe you can start to see that you can get yourself off of these meds. Positive thinking makes so much of a difference! I told myself while I was in day 2.. This isn't That bad! It's not fun but it's a flu! That's all .. I treated it like a flu. I think the mind game is you KNOW you're going to get the flu .. You know you're going to be sick!! Embracing your symptoms rather than fighting them until you get your script may very well be why it's not so bad!!

    Have you seen the Thomas recipe?? Lots of supplements to help through the detox!! I used most of them. Never found the L-tyrosine but That is supposed to help with energy. I didn't take any benzos either! I already know I'm an addict and benzos would be abused if I got those!

    I would really like to beg you to cancel your pain management appointment but that has to be your call. Of course I am going to say yes cancel! But even MY addict brain is thinking gosh she's lucky she has a way to get them! That's honest but I myself never took them for pain.. No script.. Just bought them cuz I could which is despicable! I put my family in danger of financial ruin! Hiding, counting, looking... It was a vicious circle until I really decided I wanted to be done!! Plus I was starting to see what those were beginning to do to my body!
    Would you consider asking pain management for alternative pain meds... Non narcotic? Most people on here who have legitimate pain issues say getting off the opiates lessened their pain over time. Your brain makes your pain worse because it wants the opiate. Make sense??

    Your auto immune comment caught me too!! My husband has sarcoidosis which is also an auto immune disease. He has joint pain pretty bad! He takes nabumetone for pain and swears by it!! It's a pretty hefty anti inflammatory. He still has pain but tolerable! His problem is fatigue more than anything. I am so sorry you have to deal with lupus as I do see how these diseases can be awful some days!!!

    I was all over the place there!! Hang on today and get through it.. Try to stay up and positive.. Don't dwell! Focus on work which may be hard but being busy helps with the mind games!!!
    Check back soon!!
    Hugs!
    Mary

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    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    One more thing...
    You said you've gone 2 sometimes 2 1/2 weeks with nothing!! Do you remember feeling better by the time you got to your appointment??
    And... How awesome would it be to NOT feel like you know what for a week every month? These withdrawals can be so brutal and doing them over and over again can't possibly be good for us!

    Stay introspective.. This is doable!!!
    You're doing awesome!!
    Ok I'm done lol!!! Go to work and have a great day!'
    Mary

  9. #9
    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Hi Mary.

    Thanks again for responding. Im not sure if I'm going to cancel my pain management appointment for ask for non narcotics. I honestly really just want to cancel. Im worried that when I get in there I'm just going to keep my addict mouth shut and take the narcotic script. I have tried prescription NSAIDS, Lyrica, gababenton, etc etc etc ad nausem. None of them have been effective and the side effects were unbearable. Ugh. I walked away from coke...God I don't even know...6? Years ago I think. I would never do it again. I lost everything due to my previous addiction, and I'm lucky I'm not dead. I know I was close a couple of times. Mixing benzos and alcohol to come down off of it. Throwing up and doing another line. I don't want this addiction to get that bad and I can see it going down that road. I don't want to OD.

    I have used these as a crutch, and I know it. I have lived my life in fear. Fear of pain, fear of exercising and increasing the pain, fear of running out of meds and the detox and pain the follow.

    Maybe you're right, and it's my mentality. I will say the detox hasnt been this bad before. That scared the doo doo out of me.

    Luckily, I can talk to my husband about this. He has seen my health decline over the last couple of years, and he went through his own addictions over a decade ago. I just don't want to harp on it and make it consume his life as it is doing to mine.

    I think this all started after a c section for triplets, then an appendectomy, and then a hernia surgery. Pain meds for all of those in a short period of time and then going into pain management for the lupus after that is what started my addiction.

    I am going to try and chin up today and just power through the day until I can lay on my couch and watch cartoons with my kids.

    I'll check in later. Posting on here has really helped me talk this out.

    With love,

    Phoenix

  10. #10
    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Sitting at my desk with my first cup of coffee. This desk chair does not help with the lower back pain I tell you.

    There have been a couple of times where I have felt better by the time my appointment came around, and I would hold out for a few days until the pain got really bad, and then I would hop back on the demon rollercoaster.

    Well, I'm off to process payroll. TTYS

    Phoenix

  11. #11
    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Wow... I don't think I comprehended anything past triplets!! LOL
    I have to know... How old are they?
    I can sort of relate.. Well not really.. But we are a blended family.. I have 2 girls 15 and 11.. My husband has 3 girls 25, 23 and 15.. So 5 girls total! My 2 and his 15 year old live with us so that's 2 15 year olds.. So I say I have twins lol! Even though they weren't born together it's still having to do 2 of everything at the same time!! They just started driving .. So there's that!! No stress there lol!!

    I can totally relate to the C habit.. I wonder how I'm still here too! I did quit when I was pregnant but went right back at it after the births!! What a great mom huh?? And it wasn't just that for me either.. Pretty much whatever I could get my hands on ... My ex started me on it and we ended up losing our house, 2 cars.. Everything! I luckily didn't lose my kids! When the house foreclosed I knew I had to get out and get me and my kids away from him or I was going to die! I found someone from my past around that time and he helped me get out!! I left the state with my kids and never looked back! And that was 6 years ago for me too!
    I am remarried to the love of my life.. Who was my high school boyfriend and the one who got me out!! It reads like a fairy tale doesn't it?? Not one in any children's book lol.. But I found my happily ever after!! And in ME fashion had almost blown it with these stupid pills!!
    Anyway.. Sorry didn't mean to go on about me I just saw myself when I read about your C! i can totally relate!

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    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Mary,

    I can totally see a similar path to yours lol. My ex introduced me to drugs as well. My current husband was able to help me out of that nightmare.

    Congrats on your sobriety! What day are you on?

    My triplet boys are 5, and my daughter is 13.

    Right now I'm just trying to make it through the day today. I'm so tired. Payroll isn't balancing and I can't figure out where my muddled detox brain is going wrong. Grrrrr. And my stomach is killing me. I usually love numbers as they are simple and do not lie. Right now they are telling me I'm a nitwit. Lol

    Btw, I take the Thomas recipe on a daily basis. Forgot to say that earlier.

    Well, I'm off to take another piece of klonopin, some more immodium, and to try and kick payroll in the bum.

    God I'm tired, and it isn't even noon yet.

    With love,

    Phoenix.

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    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    I'm at day 41 off of oxy .. 30-90 mgs a day for over a year!

    Drink water water water!!! It does help! And potassium. Bananas yogurt if you can stomach anything. It will be over soon and you can get home to the couch!!

    Stay tough!! You've got this!!
    Xo
    Mary

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    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Mary, well it's lunch and I still haven't gotten payroll to balance. I had to get my boss to help and see where it is going wrong. She can't even find where the mistake is. Ugh. What did I do???

    Thank you for the encouragement. Every time I read your response I get a little more gird in my loins to get through the day. I feel better now that I did this morning, so I think I'm through the worst of it physically and on to the mental hell. Hopefully. I can trudge through that.

    I'm drinking water a lot, but I think I am going to make some tea because I just need a comfort drink.

    Congrats on day 41! You have come very far .

    Well, I'm off to make tea and try to figure out my ooooppppsss.

    Phoenix

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    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Okay. Today was a rough day, but I got through it!

    Finally at home, and I'm going to relax with the kiddos. So grateful I have made it through this day and I am looking forward to a better day tomorrow.

    This afternoon I had enough lower back and joint pain that if I had pills, I would have taken one. But I got through it with motrin and Tylenol.

    Honestly, when I have a flair up it isn't much different than what withdraws feel like, without the throwing up and other stomach issues. Fever, chills, whole body aches, pain in every joint in my body, malaise...etc... What scares me at that time is that when that happens a new symptom shows up, and when I have medicine I self medicate in order to quell that fear.

    Thanks for the support and letting me bend your ear.

    Phoenix

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    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risingphoenix16 View Post
    Okay. Today was a rough day, but I got through it!

    Finally at home, and I'm going to relax with the kiddos. So grateful I have made it through this day and I am looking forward to a better day tomorrow.

    This afternoon I had enough lower back and joint pain that if I had pills, I would have taken one. But I got through it with motrin and Tylenol.

    Honestly, when I have a flair up it isn't much different than what withdraws feel like, without the throwing up and other stomach issues. Fever, chills, whole body aches, pain in every joint in my body, malaise...etc... What scares me at that time is that when that happens a new symptom shows up, and when I have medicine I self medicate in order to quell that fear.

    Thanks for the support and letting me bend your ear.

    Phoenix
    I'm so glad to hear you got through your day!! I ended up having to go help a friend and then run kids all over the place!!
    I hope you got some rest hangin w the kids! Haha!

    I don't know much about lupus but like I said earlier.. Autoimmune diseases are no joke! I hate seeing my husband suffer. He has been recommended for pain management but he won't go.. Thank God.. He said he doesn't want to get hooked on anything. Yeah haha I know that feeling.. He doesn't know about my problem but he knows I have an addictive personality obviously with the whole C fiasco! Anyway... He was put on prednisone for awhile and that messed him up pretty bad.. Changed his personality.. He was mean.. He was outspoken to the point of being embarrassing.. No filter! It was awful.

    I am off to bed now but I wanted to check in on you!! If you can't sleep don't fight with your bed. Get up, read a book, clean your bathroom, or get on here and read read read... And then try laying down again.. That was the best advice I got here from Cat! She's awesome.. I hope she stops by.. She's been clean over 6 years now! Her thread is Catrinas journey.. If you want to check it out!!
    Sweet dreams my new friend in recovery...
    Mary
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    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Good morning Mary.

    I slept okay. The klonopin really helped with that. I take 1/2 of my normal dose during the day, and I take my prescribed dose at night. Thanks for the tips .

    I'll take a look at Cats journey when I have some more time to read through the whole thing this weekend. I look forward to reading it .

    I'm sorry to hear about how your husband was on steroids. They are a helpful medication with autoimmune diseases, but they can be a beast. They have offered them to me, but I don't want to deal with all of that. I'd rather go through chemo to snap my immune system back, honestly.

    So...morning of day 4. This morning is a bit rough. I think I'm through the worst of the syptoms physically, and I am definitely in the mental ones. My pain is okay this morning, but the tremors are unpleasant and I am almost clinically depressed. Will there ever be a day that I wake up happy anymore? I do realize that when I feel like this and I have opiates, I just pop an extra one of those and push through until it kicks in. So I wasn't just using them for pain. I just feel so disconnected from everyone and everything, including myself. I try so hard to be a good mom, and make good choices, but they must sense my disconnection. They have to. That makes me feel very guilty. And ashamed. And around and around the merry go round I go. Sigh. My husband worries when I get like this, so I try to hide this part from him. Logically, I know I need to get my own endorphins going again because the opiates were doing that for me....I just don't know how. Right now, it's one foot in front of the other, trudging through the day, and faking smiles all along the way. It's exhausting.

    Sorry to be such a Debbie downer this morning. I'll be working on my positivity today.

    With love,

    Phoenix

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    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Good morning Phoenix..
    Welcome to day 4! Do you have any idea how strong you are?? You went To work on day 3 .. Most of us couldn't leave the bathroom or bed on day 3! So today should be better I'm hoping for you! Congratulations on getting here.. You're doing really really well! Considering you are dealing with a legitimate chronic disease which causes pain and depression .. You still want to get out of from under this poison!! That's not easy. So give yourself some credit for wanting to be better.
    I don't think doctors have realized until now the damage that narcotics cause long term.

    Anyway... I hope your day 4 is a good one.. One day at a time!
    Find the good... I struggle with that too. I tend to focus too much on the negative. Let's do this today!!
    Xo
    Mary

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    Hi Mary.

    Your words made me smile this morning. I don't think I have viewed myself as strong before. It's nice to see that from someone else's point of view .

    I did a bit of research during my morning sore muscle soak. I didn't realize the effects on my body that long term opiate use causes. Understanding that brings so much clarity. My body isn't making the chemicals it should, and I have to fix that.

    I walked my kids to the bus stop this morning. Normally I would drive out of fear of my lower back pain and my leg giving out, but I knew I needed some endorphins. I walked just over half a mile. It really did help my mood .

    Working on onward and upward.

    Hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go.

    With love,

    You friend in recovery,

    Phoenix

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    So. Day four went okay once I got going. I had a few bumps and bruises, but all in all, okay. I am super tired right now, and I don't know if it's the wd or the lupus. I'm wondering the same about the depression I am in.

    Speaking of depression, day 5 wake up with the stomach cramps and depression again. The morning is just such a hard time with me. I think thats part of the reason I would take a pill first thing in the morning. Get those artificial endorphins going and I could face the day a little bit better. It's like feeling alone in a sea of people. It feels like screaming that I'm drowning and no one hearing me. Maybe I need to go back on antidepressants. I just don't want to mess any more with my brain chemistry. I hate this, though.

    Anyway, off to get ready for the day. TGIF.

    Phoenix

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    I spoke with my husband candidly this morning about my mental struggles. We both recognize that we have addiction issues, and we will always be addicts. It really was refreshing to look at the one person in the world that gets me and loves me unconditionally, my best friend, and say how I felt and what I thought. He agrees that getting off the opiates are the best thing. See, he understands the addict mindset. He knows he can't push me and that doing so won't work. He knows I am working hard to get though this, but he pointed out that I'm rationalizing. He thinks going to pain management this month and asking for non opioid medications is the best route. I'm just afraid I won't go through with it and take the script for the medication that is starting to ruin my life.

    Anyway, some more introspection thus morning after getting through the morning depression yuck.

    I hope all is well with you Mary. Here's to another day of sobriety.

    Phoenix

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    crazyfrog is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by Risingphoenix16 View Post
    I spoke with my husband candidly this morning about my mental struggles. We both recognize that we have addiction issues, and we will always be addicts. It really was refreshing to look at the one person in the world that gets me and loves me unconditionally, my best friend, and say how I felt and what I thought. He agrees that getting off the opiates are the best thing. See, he understands the addict mindset. He knows he can't push me and that doing so won't work. He knows I am working hard to get though this, but he pointed out that I'm rationalizing. He thinks going to pain management this month and asking for non opioid medications is the best route. I'm just afraid I won't go through with it and take the script for the medication that is starting to ruin my life.

    Anyway, some more introspection thus morning after getting through the morning depression yuck.

    I hope all is well with you Mary. Here's to another day of sobriety.

    Phoenix
    Mary, you are in the ugly funk of your brain regulating itself. Its the worst side effect imo. You have ups and downs everdays for about 3 weeks. You do and say things that normaly you wouldn't. Only cure is time. Avoid any other substatute drugs. Avoid even sleep aids. Let your mind recover naturally. Im over 1 year clear from a very fun vicodin binge party of 7 years.lol. At the end, the party had stop. Too expenssive [350$ mo], and it didnt give me that euphoric high no more, it was just keeping me from feeling wds. Only way I felt the high was to up the dosage again in which would lead me to run out real early every month and had to suffer WDs for 2 weeks before the next script. It was HELL. The good news, being over 1 yr clean, I am my old self again and feel good. I picked up body building and that gas gotten me the best high with no drugs. Good luck, it csn be dobe if you really want off.

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    Risingphoenix16 is offline New Member
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    Hey Crazyfrog. I started in pain management to control the pain that I was having from lupus. I can't be completely drug free due to the tremors in my hands and face, but I am working to be opiate free. I am trying to be more physically active, but I do have a lot of fear of hurting myself and having no relief. My right leg will go dead and I just go down sometimes, which is scary when you are walking, 2 miles from home, and no one to help you other than your kids to get back because your husband is at work. I live in a lot of fear and I'm tired of it. I want to be myself again, but living in pain everyday makes it so much harder.

    I'm trying to stay strong and figure out a game plan that I can talk to my doctor about when I see him again. This Rollercoaster ride sucks.

    Mary,

    So...day 6 has been filled with a bit of the mental yucks, but I'm trudging through.

    I really hope you are okay as I haven't heard from you in a few days.

    Trying to stay strong and fight the good fight.

    Phoenix

  24. #24
    Ilovemtndogs7 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    1,282

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    Hi Phoenix-

    Well I have to tell you I'm not the person to say cancel this, don't do that, but I am someone to encourage you. Having an illness like Lupus, must make this very hard. I know very little about it-other than the autoimmune part, but I do know if it's a priority you can do this. Day 6? That is awesome, it really is. Sometimes I think counting days, like 6, 20, 90 everyday can set a person back. I feel like if you can concentrate on that one day you are going through-just one day-it can really help. Finding some gratitude really helped me. I am really good at faking "I'm good" even if I'm not. That helps too.

    Maybe you shouldn't think about that appointment until it's closer to the time. I know some people aren't supposed to take NSAIDS. (Me for instance). I cheat and do sometimes, but I take. Blood thinners and that's a big no no. Plus I take an antidepressant that makes the NSAIDS even more contraindicated. If you are so very depressed (this can last a long time) maybe an AD would help. I know you didn't ask, just a thought. Whatever you do people with all different thoughts will be here to cheer you on or offer advice. This forum really helped me with clarity. Even if it was only venting.

    I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Stay positive regardless. Being negative just doesn't help. That doesn't mean don't be honest with yourself. Take care Phoenix. My thoughts are with you. Hugs. M's. Dogs/Sheryl

  25. #25
    Gilsmom is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Virginia
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    Hi Phoenix!!
    I'm here still kickin! I meant to tell you I would be off for a bit.. I went out of town for a funeral. When I got back my husband was laid off from work!! That was a huge blow! And he's been home so I haven't been able to get on..

    So now i am looking for a job too. I've been home with the kids for 6 years but before that I worked as an admin asst. or secretary .. I was good at it. I kind of miss it but I don't miss having to get up every day and rush around to get to work!! But I've been lucky to be able to be home this long. Anyway been working on getting my resume done.

    I hope you're doing ok. I'm so sorry I haven't been on. How did pain management appt go?? Either way I won't judge.. I hope you know that. Keep talking to me!!
    Xo
    Mary

  26. #26
    Ilovemtndogs7 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    1,282

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    Hey Phoenix-

    I haven't seen a post for a bit and wondered how you are. Like Mary, no judgement. That's not who I am anyway. Well unless you abuse animals or kids. Animal freak. Love kids, care about you. Please check in. Mary and I can't be the only ones concerned. Keep positive and win the day. Hugs. Miss Dogs /Sheryl. Also Mary (Gil's Mom). Have read your story and am so impressed. Sorry I've never written. I'm trying to do better at giving back.
    Gilsmom likes this.

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