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I'm having the worse time I'm so sick
  1. #241
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    Thank you I'm not ordering it, my daughter thought she was helping me .

  2. #242
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    Judy has not been without opiates in her system for many years.
    Yes, and apparently the Subutex has provided her zero relief both at a high dose and at a lower dose. She was sick before starting Subutex and is still sick and not been able to stabilize.

    In hindsight, I wish I wouldn't have posted about PAWS as it really describes the depression, lack of energy, and general malaise, post opiates rather than being so sick like she is. I had the time frame of six months post methadone on my brain. My fault Judy and I'm sorry if that confused you.

    I also appreciate your help with others nor am I here to debate you. When I make a mistake, I'll admit it. I don't need to start a thread as I'm not looking for advice or support currently, but thanks.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-26-2018 at 11:43 PM.

  3. #243
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    It's all most 11 pm and the same thing is happening my nerves are jumping,it's a terrible terrible feeling..It's too much!

  4. #244
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Judy - sorry...was on a date last night

    You can ask me anything here and I'll respond. So it sounds like you're right around 3mg but having trouble stabilizing, is that right?

    So - if you go through my thread slowly over time - or just skip to the pages where I'm trying to get down to 2mg.

    And I was just kicking and screaming and struggling too. But I just had to put my faith in everyone here who talked me through it - and just said "it may suck for a few days (for me it was over a week of hell) but then miraculously I finally did get stable at 2mg and just stayed there for a bit and let my mind and body heal.

    So if you're around that area - just stick to one dose. Eat blueberries and greek yogurt (will calm your skin crawling feeling slightly and give your hands something to do and help your tummy).

    Then just do the best that you can as far as getting out and just walking, talking to people if you can. I very very much struggled with that for longer than most - but i only had this place - and little human support and that likely slowed me down I can see now in hindsight. But I did the best that I could in those days in that fog and have no regrets.

    Keep posting. I'll respond. Don't worry. I got your back.
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  5. #245
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I hope your date went well! I was on 3.3mg for 10 days, yesterday I started on 2.9 mg I'm going got re-read your thread. I'm at work right now and I thought today would be terrible but so far it hasn't been but I think this is the second time in a year and a half that I had three days that wasn't terrible (last nigh was bad but not terrible). I wonder why Subutex has never worked on me and has made me sick the whole time. At this time I have used all my sick time and vacation time so I can't afford to be sick anymore
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  6. #246
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy3755 View Post
    I wonder why Subutex has never worked on me and has made me sick the whole time.

    Hi Judi,

    Since you used it for 20 years, have you considered your sickness from methadone withdrawal is overriding the Subutex?

    Glad to hear that last night was better. Time is your friend!

  7. #247
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I have no idea why it's making me sick but after 6 months with no methadone would I still be detoxing off of it?

  8. #248
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    Yes, I think your body is still adjusting after 20 years. But here's why I think this might be most important. You keep wondering what is currently wrong with you. Perhaps it's because of long term use of opiates. If you can accept that, and not think you are doing something wrong now, you might find some peace. Maybe think about it this way:

    - I abused opiates for 20 years and my body needs time to get well. That's why I'm sick.
    - I've done an amazing job for a year and have been so strong especially given how sick I've been
    - I'm over the hump and even starting to have some better days here and there
    - Every day I get through brings me closer to being a happier, healthier person
    - I'm going to continue with my taper and get off the other opiate, Subutex, so I can make all this hard work worth it.
    - My family may be a little cranky with me right now, but soon they are going to be so proud
    - One day at a time. I'm still going to be affected for a while. Soon there will be more good days than bad

    Judy, I really think you are incredibly strong. Even the fact that you've come here posting, venting, and asking questions shows your fight and that you care.
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  9. #249
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    All I can say is thank you I have so many other medical issues that I don't know if it's the detoxing or my other medical issues.

  10. #250
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I AM SO SICK!!!! I don't want to do this anymore . I rapered down from 3.3 mg to 2.9mg it's been only 24hours why am I so sick? If I had methadone I would take it right now, I'm too old .
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  11. #251
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Hey Judy. I haven’t wrote anything to your thread but I have been watching it for a couple of weeks. I don’t have as much experience with subs as a lot of the others do so I didn’t think I would be of much help..

    Most of your posts are so sad! Quit frowning all the time and smile! I know it’s tough, but you should be happy about this! You’re taking your life back every single day here. With every reduction of the sub your one step closer to freedom and that is so great and exciting! I saw that you’ve used for 20 years or so, how great is it that you’re THIS close to closing the book of addiction?!? Again I know how tough this all is but you’ve got to cheer up! When I had a bad night I would tell myself over and over “in the morning you’re not having another day like today, you’re gonna get your butt up in the morning, take a hot shower, eat a good breakfast and make today a good day” and most of the time it worked. But when I would sit on the couch all evening and feel sorry for myself it just made things worse.

    Smile judy. You have a great reason to be happy here the finish line is just around the corner! Again you’re doing great. You CAN do this.
    Lvg nghtmare, UncleLeo and Catrina like this.

  12. #252
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    Thank you I know I'm so negative I just don't feel anything positive right now . I'm so sick it's so hard I don't care about
    anything

  13. #253
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy3755 View Post
    In the beginning when I started to taper off the methadone I was fine but after 2 months I was so sick, I thought I had the flu then I ended up in the hospital with the worst headache , I was there for a week, had no idea it was from tapering the methadone ever since then I have been sick. I went from spending a year sick from tapering methadone to the last six months from the Subutex I WANT TO GIVE UP
    Quote Originally Posted by Judy3755 View Post
    All I can say is thank you I have so many other medical issues that I don't know if it's the detoxing or my other medical issues.
    You said you weren't sick until you started tapering off methadone, and you've been sick ever since. Seems likely that your discontunuation of something your body was accustomed to for 20 years is the catalyst. And, at your age, maybe it's making it harder to do this than for someone younger especially since you do have other health issues.

    I'm older too so I feel for you. What does your doctor say about all this and does she know the full extent of your drug use?

  14. #254
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    *discontinuation

    Are you still taking the pills twice a day?

  15. #255
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    Yes my regular doctor knows and she doesn't care about anything that's as to do with the tapering of either the tapering of the Subutex or methadone.

  16. #256
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    Yes I take the Subutex twice a day

  17. #257
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    What does that mean when you say you're "so sick"? Like are you vomiting? What kind of sick right now?

    Are you able to eat and drink water? Shower? Go outside?
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  18. #258
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    A CNN SPECIAL REPORT: Dr. Sanjay Gupta WEED 4: Pot >> Pills

    (April 18, 2018)....In the fourth installment of his groundbreaking series, CNN chief medical correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta takes an in-depth look at marijuana’s potential as both an alternative to opioids in treating pain and in ending opioid addiction. WEED 4: POT VERSUS PILLS will air on CNN, Sunday, April 29th at 8pm ET.
    Before you think about giving up, not saying you are, but what about trying medical marijuana first? At least watch the show tomorrow and see what you think. It could give you some hope for an alternative. And bonus, you live in California!

  19. #259
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I was shaking so bad, if felt like my nerves were jumping inside my body

  20. #260
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I tried smoking pot it makes my heart beat fast and it makes me paranoid

  21. #261
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy3755 View Post
    I tried smoking pot it makes my heart beat fast and it makes me paranoid
    Which strain? Sounds like a Sativa. Have you tried an Indica or a CBD/Indica combo?

    I know it doesn't work for everyone and maybe that's you, but I just want to make sure you've exhausted all possibilities that might help you. I understand if this isn't a road you want to go down. Anyway, I'm going to watch that show tomorrow as it sounds very interesting.

  22. #262
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    Is it harder to get off of Subutex the longer you've been on it? Like if I've been on it for 10 years is it harder to get off of it then somebody that's been on it 10 months?

  23. #263
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    So far today has been ok,this is the fourth day in a row that I haven't felt terrible the whole day (there has been times like last night I was sick for a couple hours before bed )I don't is this is a good sign or not

  24. #264
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I was doing good now I have anixety again and I'm shaking again I don't get it

  25. #265
    UncleLeo is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Judy - yeah any sorts of CBD or pot never really helped me during my taper. The sub is just too strong.

    The shaking and extreme restlessness feeling is just the worst no? I hate that feeling too.

    Are you able to get outside and walk at all? Maybe in those few hours you're feeling somewhat ok?

    It may be the one thing that eases the shaking later on in the day/evening. You should start stabilizing soon at your dose.

    As for the time, everyone heals at a different rate. Some people can be on opiates/sub for years and years and still heal up within a few months. Some of us took much longer. Most somewhere in the middle. No use stressing about that.

  26. #266
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    Today has been a good day so far besides the shaking and anixety ( not terribble) I have been able to get up and do some stuff so this is the fifth day in a row that hasn't been terrible, again this is five days in a row which hasn't happen in over a year and a half and for some reason my head feels more clear which has been foggy the last six months

  27. #267
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy3755 View Post
    Today has been a good day so far besides the shaking and anixety ( not terribble) I have been able to get up and do some stuff so this is the fifth day in a row that hasn't been terrible, again this is five days in a row which hasn't happen in over a year and a half and for some reason my head feels more clear which has been foggy the last six months
    This is great news, Judy. It sounds to me like you're stabilizing at the dose you are now taking. Please try to not focus on the what if's because it's a waste of time and energy. There's a difference in questioning what you can expect based upon your history and spending time wondering if this or that may have made things different. Just to answer your question, the length of time someone takes subs does make a difference in the length of time it might take them to taper before they jump and the length of time it MIGHT take them to bounce back after their jump. The reasons are primarily the half life of subs and the longer we're on any opiate, sub, methadone, or a short acting opiate the more that feels like our "normal" and the more difficult it MIGHT be to adjust to what it feels like to be clean and sober. Your taper is as much, or even more, of a mental battle than a physical one.

    One other thing that I have noticed is that you usually refer to your anxiety and/or jitters as being "sick". It may be splitting hairs but when we around here talk about being sick, we are usually referring to nausea, frequent bathroom trips, etc. While upsetting, annoying, and an interference with our quality of life, I think that at least a part of why this is so bothersome to you is that you may be allowing yourself to focus on your taper, how you are feeling, and how you may feel later today or tomorrow allowing it almost consume you. I don't know what to suggest to you in order to begin to accept things for now and allow your mind and body to adjust and become accustomed to being drug free. Somehow, you need to break free of the fear of what will be. Mother Nature is astonishing so thankfully with patience we will heal.

    If I'm remembering correctly, it wasn't your first choice to work at getting clean. After many years of using someone else's methadone, the supply ended and you were left with a nasty habit. I've been in both positions so I know that there is a huge difference between being forced into detox and doing it when it's our choice to do it. The bottom line is that you're here now and even if it doesn't feel like it, you've made tremendous progress and it is now your choice to keep going and see this to a happy conclusion or throwing the towel in. Change up your outlook about your taper and instead of thinking about it as something awful that happened to you, think of this as something you are choosing to do no matter how difficult it is..

    Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly for yourself:: Do you wish you never began this journey?

    Peace,

    Cat
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  28. #268
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    I wish I never started taking any drugs, and I would have never stopped if I wasn't forced to, it like everyone has said I felt like I always had to make sure I had pills before I could go any where or do anything and soon as I get off the Subutex I will never have to worry if I have pills again. I know I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for this forum and all of you guys. I know I still have far to go but I'm just going through today and hope tomorrow I stay stable. Thank you
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  29. #269
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy3755 View Post
    I wish I never started taking any drugs, and I would have never stopped if I wasn't forced to, it like everyone has said I felt like I always had to make sure I had pills before I could go any where or do anything and soon as I get off the Subutex I will never have to worry if I have pills again. I know I wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for this forum and all of you guys. I know I still have far to go but I'm just going through today and hope tomorrow I stay stable. Thank you
    And there it is! I'm not being critical. I just want you to think this through and I hope that you will. If only we all had known where this would land us, there's not many, if any at all, of us who would have swallowed that first pill. We'd have lived with whatever pain, mental or physical, that couldn't be made better by a couple of Advil.

    Certainly, you have read many times on this Forum that you have to want this more than anything else in the world. I had this gut feeling that you have made it this far because you've had little choice but to somehow manage the daily struggle and we've pulled you along kicking and screaming the entire way. Please, PLEASE don't take this wrong. Not for a second do I think that you don't want this to be over and feeling well having this all behind you. What I want you to know and to think about is that the reason you have to want this more than anything is because if you don't, it makes it multiple times more difficult to get through these tough times. There clearly is a part of you that wishes nothing had changed and you still had a steady supply.

    For your own good and to make this journey more manageable, let go of all of that. It's in the past and in my opinion, it's for the best that it's in the past. This can be your time for a complete re-do. That life is gone and I hope for your sake it's gone forever. I promise you that if you can embrace this journey the day is going to come that you will be forever grateful for every ache and every day your hands shook. On the other hand, if you don't find a way to understand and embrace that you now have a second chance for something better, you're going to continue to be miserable. Your want for just one more pill, one more day to use is going to become more and more attractive to you and become even more frustrating that you won't have it. The choice is your's believe it or not. Change your mindset and you'll change many things including how you feel.

    Peace,

    Cat

  30. #270
    Judy3755 is offline Member
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    That's a lot to take in. I could get more pills but I haven't. The only time I thought about getting more pills was when I was so sick but I didn't . I want to change my mindset maybe I've been an addict so long I have a hard time getting my mind to think different. I know it's my choice if I use again.im still so new at not using anything after so long. I don't know how to get through the mental part and I don't want to waste anyone's time here but I hope I can change everything about me and the longer I'm drug free the more I will start enjoying life.
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