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Jumping after 7 years
  1. #1
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Jumping after 7 years

    First time here. After much scouring of the internet I finally found a forum that seems active. Short story.

    I started on sub after a horrible opiate slog that nearly claimed my life and nearly put me in prison. Thankfully I found sub when I did as it no doubt saved my life. I started on 16 mg a day and slowly over 7 years tapered down to around .25-.4 mg per day. I have been on this low dose for around 3 months now.

    I am not in a situation anymore to get another script and I know in my heart it's time to end this cycle. I took my last .25 mg this morning and am just waiting for the storm to come. I recently moved overseas for work and am far away from anyone i am close with other than my girlfriend who is very supportive of this choice.

    Not even sure what I'm looking for but maybe just some words of encouragement. I remember all too well the absolute hell of full wds from full agonists and I can only hope because I tapered as low as I could that it will not be as horrible as I think.

    Reading the other stories on here does help but I am having a hard time making the necessary mental shift away from "omg I'm going to be in hell for the next who knows how long".

  2. #2
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey sinthetiks. Welcome to the forum! Here you'll find a great bunch of people who want nothing more than to help you on your journey. Congratulations on your jump. As you know everyone is different in terms of how we metabolize what's in our system. You tapered down pretty low so I don't think you'll be in for as rough a ride as some. The mind is a powerful thing. Keep a positive outlook through this process. It really helps!! Keep reminding yourself why you're doing this. Have you looked in to supplements to help, also face to face support aa, na? Drink plenty of water/gatorade, oh and definately grab some immodium. Liquid form is best. Take it as needed follow directions. Did I say drink a lot of water?? Lol

    Your story is similar to mine. I made my jump from subs about 2 months ago from 1 mg/day which I had tapered myself down to after 4.5 years at 16 mg/day. I really didn't know much about the subs other than they made me feel better, but I knew they were slowly killing me and I made the decision that I was done! I found this site on day 11 when my body was screaming at me for some relief. I didn't realize how strong subs are and I thought 1 mg was a small amount. But apparently it's a pretty hefty dose. It was a grueling rollercoaster ride for sure. I tried to put on a brave face as much as I could because I didn't have any time off from work to stay home and w/d. I don't want to give you a time line because everyone is different. Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear. But you tapered pretty low as I said before so I don't think it will be as bad as you think. The only thing that will heal is time. Eventually you'll start having good days. And the bad ones will be less frequent. There will be days where you feel like you've gone backwards. Don't panick! It's only temporary and it will pass. Keep your head up and keep going! It is way better clean. I promise you that!!

    Ok, that's my ramble for now. This site saved me! No if's and's or but's about it. I'm sure others will stop by and chime in with other words of encouragement and other advice. Post as often as you want or need to, if only to get it out it feels better!! I whined a bunch my first month. But I'm so glad to be here and clean. This is a judgement free zone here. All everyone wants to do is help. Glad you found us! Let us know how it's going for you. Sometimes the weekend can be a little slow around here so don't get discouraged it usually picks back up around Sunday night as people are out living their lives.

    Welcome again and congratulations!!!
    These are the first steps!!!
    Stay strong and hydrated!!!
    Beef
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  3. #3
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello sinthetiks, welcome to the forum.. Beef said everything I could possibly tell you. You tapered from alot of subs now your on your way to a new clean life. Yes a positive Mental mindset will get you far. Have you read the Thomas Recipe you can stock up on all the suppliments minus the benzos. I'm sure someone will stop by leave you a link to the thread as I'm not sure how to do that. Keep reading and posting we are all here to support you...

    Stay Strong for Today..
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  4. #4
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks for the welcome. Trying to slog through the work day today. Sadly no time off for now. Feeling so so but trying to keep positive.

  5. #5
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Made it through the work day. Was a little shaky but made it. Tomorrow is another long day then off for two days. PErhaps this schedule is a blessing as the delayed effect of sub wd usually takes a few days to kick in? Will try to keep updating as often as I can. I think my head is getting the best of me.

  6. #6
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    It does that. Try to stay positive. It's a process. It will pass and get better I promise. Just tell yourself that you are getting over a really bad flu. I know you won't feel like it in a day or two but get out of the house as much as possible. Take a walk, go to the mailbox, whatever you can do. Staying active really helps!! Get some sunshine. Anything except staying in bed or on the couch looking at the clock. It will drive you crazy. You can do this!!! Keep posting. Get it all out!!

    Stay strong
    Beef
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  7. #7
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Woke up today feeling pretty bad. Just gotta keep pushing on. I read about people on the other side of this and I wonder how they made it through. I don't have access to some of the home remedies I would have if I were in the USA but I plan on looking at the pharmacy tomorrow. Gotta chuck through the work day today then I have a few days to try to put at least a little of myself back together lol.

  8. #8
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Made it through by taking it one step at a time. I know it sounds hokey, but if you start looking a week, month ahead you'll go bananas. Just focus on today. You are one day closer to being clean and free of this awful drug. Pharmacy is a good stop. It helped me out. Things will get better. Just gotta give them time. Have a good day at work. I know I hated going in to work but when I would move around it really made me feel better. Couldn't do it all day as I was exhausted after moving around for 20 minutes. But everything you are feeling is normal. Stay strong!! Keep a good outlook. It will be behind you soon. Let us know how today treats you.

    Stay strong
    Beef
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  9. #9
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Rough work day. Surprisingly I had very brief moments (5 minutes lol) of feeling...dare I say semi normal. Or maybe just not feeling like death. Hard to say. I'm two days in now so definitely no stopping now no matter how bad it gets. Feels good to get my feelings and thoughts out. Girlfriend rubbed my legs after work which was amazing.

  10. #10
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Sounds like progress to me. And a leg rub. What??? Does it get any better than that?? Lol. Sounds like you got a great support system. Use them!! I wouldn't be here without my fiancee and daughter. They challenged and motivated me to be a better man. Keep on truckin. It gets better!!!

    Keep your head up, it's all temporary.
    Stay strong
    Beef
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  11. #11
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    This morning was horrible. Kept telling myself there is no choice in this but I truly hope the days get better at some point. Need go to the store and I have like...zero motivation to do so. Headache horrible. Leg pains soul crushing. Need to eat but very little appetite. Taking today one minute at a time right now.

  12. #12
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Good Morning Sin, yes it does get better with time... I promise you. Zero motivation eh.... think of it this way it's just a feeling..stop take a breath it's just a feeling it passes...get up get moving excersise keep your mind active.. keep up the good work..
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  13. #13
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    The day was not fun but....tolerable maybe..

    Sleep was pretty terrible last night. Found some L Tyrosine at the local pharmacy and melatonin for sleep. Hoping this helps a bit.

  14. #14
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Good deal!! I know it doesn't feel like it but you are a warrior sire!!!! Keep that head up you're doing great and this will be behind you soon. Supplements definately helped me get back to whatever "normal" is. I took an amino acid (supposed to repair the brain), calm support(relaxation and what not), daily multivitamin(just because was needed) b12 complex(energy) and calcium, magnesium, and zinc(all in one pill, sleep and rls). They aren't gonna make you feel like a million bucks overnight, but slowly they do help. I really believe the amino acids did the most good, it was like one day I woke up and things seemed brighter, people weren't such a-holes all the time, I wasn't such a jerk either, I was joking around and just felt happier. Like I said it's a sllllloooooowwwww process but they definately helped me. Keep doing the next right thing. Use the flu excuse if you need to. (I hear its going around) lol. Keep your head up. Youre killing this thing. It will be over soon. Its only temporary.

    Stay strong
    Proud of you
    Beef

    Oh yeah, I forgot with the melatonin take around 3-5mg. Anymore than that and it won't really do any good. Less is more with it. And no tv, or cell phones around certain types of light negate its effects. Gotta be a dark room. Takes about 20-30 to kick in.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-13-2017 at 02:57 PM.

  15. #15
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Day 5 today starts. Feeling >>>>>> in the lower legs still making sleep very challenging. I usually sleep til around 10 or so but got up at 8 just too frustrated to try anymore. Showering seems to help for a short while. Going to force myself to take a walk to the recycling center to turn in some bottles and cans. Recycling is a big deal here in Finland. Looking back I am amazed I have made it this far. Posting here does seem to offer some kind of therapy. I was so much hoping cutting as low as I did would make this a breeze but I guess you gotta pay the piper sometime. I wonder how much of this is mental and physical??

  16. #16
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello Sin, yes another day clean... Get up get out keep your mind and body Active. It will help.. drink plenty of fluids.. positive mindset.. grateful for another day clean and alive. Keep posting..
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  17. #17
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    I would rate myself about...40% of normal right now. I remember full on agonist withdrawals and while the first three days of this detox were awful I have to say sub is definitely a little milder?

    It was hard to motivate myself to walk today but I went to the store. Got some food at the McDonalds (I know it's garbage but it was what I was strangely craving). Went and got a new bus card for the public transit system here. I had a very strange experience while walking through the downtown area.

    I have read about people having these kind of brain awakenings after detoxing. I didn't have anything nearly as profound as that but I did look around a few times and felt some kind of sensory overload perhaps. Things seemed almost surreal like seeing them from a new angle. May be it's just the beginning but it was very odd.

    Taking melatonin for sleep and hoping I can sleep more than a couple hours at a stretch tonight. Tomorrow marks day 6.

  18. #18
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Thats great!! I know what you mean exactly. The w/d are not as severe but longer and more pesky than anything. For me the fatigue and sleep were the last to subside. I still have off days but I'm 10x better than I was. Give the melatonin a few more nights, I think I abandoned it too early. You can also try valerian root and wash it down with a strong cup of sleepy time tea. Valerian root kinda worked for me. Some nights were hit and miss. But better than I had been getting for sure. Just gotta keep on it. Keep trying different stuff, there's also otc sleeping aids, like unisom and a couple others, just stay away from the antihistamines.

    The walk downtown, some of your senses are waking up!!! It only gets better. Everything seems new and amazing. And the McDonald's.....yeah, everyone told me to eat a protein rich diet and healthy......... about that, I tried and some meals I did eat well but for the last 5-6 weeks all I have been craving is Taco Bell. I'm sure there's some protein in tacos and burritos but not I was supposed to be eating for sure. I did have plenty of protein shakes for the first few weeks i dont think rhat taco bell did me any good. Im sure that might have been some of the issues about my lingering stomach issues.

    But that's about it for today. Proud of you bossman!! Keep doing the next right thing. It only gets better from here!!!
    You can do this
    Beef
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  19. #19
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Heading to work. Sleep is still tough but just trying not to think about it too much. I feel bad because my sex drive is nil right now. My girl says it's fine and understands but I can't help feel bad. I take like two showers a day cuz it does seem to help a little.

    Went and got potassium to hopefully curb the rls that makes sleep so hard. I do feel the muscle aches reducing for sure but still have moments of chills and that wormy feeling all over. I was a daily coffee drinker and I haven't had any since day two of this. It just makes me feel gross now. Maybe it's a good thing I dunno.

    I am feeling hopeful but still taking things slow. I have no regrets about doing this however. It was time. The awful things I did during active use are very clear to me now. Some days I wonder how I am not locked away or in my grave. I guess something out there had another purpose for me. I appreciate the support it does help.
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  20. #20
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Ohh Sin, hang in there it takes time... I promise you all those feelings we numb on the Garbage will come back as you gain more clean time. Yes happy mad sad angry and yes Sex... keep up the good work. Your doing amazing...
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  21. #21
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey sin. Everything is normal. I was taking 3-4 showers a day cause it was one of the few things that helped with rls. And the libido, don't worry about it. It comes back full force in time. For the first two weeks I didn't want anyone in my personal bubble. No touching, cuddling etc. Then It was like someone flipped on the light switch and I was a 15 year old boy again. Just gotta give it some time. Like lvg said we were numb on the garbage. Gotta give your body a little time to wake up. It gets better. Just keep checking off the clean days!!!!

    Keep your head up. It'll be over soon.
    Beef
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  22. #22
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Tomorrow starts day 7 so I guess I am pretty proud of that. Work hasn't been that bad. Moments of squirmy feelings in the body but the time is passing. My appetite is beginning to come back. Good thing as I have lost almost 30 lbs over 7 years and am hovering around 120. I should be 140 or so for my height.
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  23. #23
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Good Morning Sin, another day clean yea...
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  24. #24
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Still making it. Sleep was the most difficult ive experienced last night. I'm thinking I should just get up and go watch a movie or play a game or something on the computer instead of laying in bed getting frustrated.

    Still having some squirmy legs but I guess subs long halflife is to blame. Even at small dose my body is probably going to be cleansing itself for some time from seven years of constant use at varying doses. This stuff gets built up in your body yes? Stored in the muscles or something.

    I am glad to say that the body pains are basically gone and my mood is better. Managed to muster up some libido too today lol. Heading to work now and staying hopeful. I do have some really crazy dreams when I do manage to sleep.

    One week clean and happy to say I am gonna beat this thing.
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  25. #25
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Wow. That was like a one page synopsis of my first month right there. Everything you said is right on point. You are correct about long half life and yes subs do have a stacking effect and they do store in your body. Everything is normal and it will pass in time. I'm sure you're getting tired of hearing that also. (Sorry, it's the truth) As far as the sleep goes you know it's the last thing to come back. Mine is still a bit spotty. (Today is two months off subs for this guy!!!!) But instead of fighting it and getting mad like I did, just embrace it and know you're gonna be a zombie for a few weeks. Use that flu excuse!! If tyou can't get to sleep at night watch a movie, do some reading, anything except rolling like a rotisserie chicken on a spit. I read most of these threads on here on my long nights. And crawled out of bed the next morning with a renewed determination. Keep doing the next right thing. It gets so much better!!!

    Stay strong
    Proud of you!
    Beef
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  26. #26
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello Sin how we feeling today. Keep posting we are all here to support you..
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  27. #27
    Sinthetiks1222 is offline Junior Member
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    Glorious sleep came last night. Woke up a bit earlier than I normally would but I had a nice chunk of about 5 hours. Work was decent today and I didn't have too much of the squirmy legs.

    I am having periodic thoughts of taking suboxone in an almost mournful way. Part of me misses the feeling a great deal. But I am absolutely thrilled I am doing this finally. I never thought I would have the strength to do this. I really did believe I would be on sub the remainder of my life.

    But again I am starting to feel that there was a greater purpose for my life. Me and my girlfriend decided were going to marry soon! I know without any doubt now that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. I spoke to my mom who still lives in the states about my detox and she was very proud of me. She has stuck with me throughout my active addiction. My divorce. My move overseas etc.

    I still only feel about 60% but I'll take it. If this is only the beginning I can't wait to see how I feel in a few weeks. You guys have been great. I'll keep posting.

    Sin closing day 8.

  28. #28
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi, Sinth....

    You remind me so much of a guy on here a couple of years ago. I was on my 3rd or 4th wd from oxy and he was coming off the subs, after about as much time as you. He made it great, but with a little struggle. Nothing compared to what we've all put ourselves through in the past, though. The money we wasted, the fog we lived in, etc.

    My last time finally stuck, though, and I'm going on over 2 years of a clean life. So, it is entirely possible, but reason I write, is to tell you I have been reading lots of studies on folic acid helping with the restless legs. That was one of my biggest problems, causing me lots of anguish. I used bigger doses of loperamide (immodium ad, generic) to help with that back then, as I had to work, and I had no problem leaving that behind after a few weeks, but these studies I see on folic acid seem promising. You may want to check that out.

    Good luck, buddy....you are on the right path and with a wedding coming up, you want to be the best man you can be, no? Day 8.....a big hug and congrats to you!

  29. #29
    zebra1961 is offline Member
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    Sin you are well on your way, my story is similar to yours, sub detox longer than the short acting opiates. I am 16 months sober and clean. Just wanted to say take it easy don't be hard on your self , this stuff is powerful and takes awhile to completely clear so don't worry about things moving slower than we want them to its normal your body and mind are healing and resetting. DO NOT GO BACK this life is sooooo much better I thought I would never get off them either but here I am so if I can I know you can. Sleep is gonna be tough for awhile so whenever your body lets you sleep even a half an hour take it , will slowly improve, keep busy and keep your eye on w is coming the the real you!!

  30. #30
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    60% on day 8 isn't too bad. You're getting there quicker than I'd have expected. Congratulations!!!! How's the sleep/squirmy legs? For me I could deal with the chills, stomach, aches and pains. But what got me down was the lethargy, no sleep and depression. Some days it was tough staying upbeat. But I found that staying active really helped me power through it. (I say power through it, but it was anything but powerful. Cat and lvg dragged me whining, kicking and screaming) But the clouds lifted. That first day when you feel decent and have some energy and a good outlook is magical!!! Like you're seeing the world for the first time. Can't wait for you to get there. Stay strong. You're so close!!!

    Beef

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