Just started my oxy battle

[Risingfromthepit]

As I read the words of the members sharing their experiences on this forum i sense the pain, fear and desperation underneath what they write. However I’ve drawn hope from their stories and all the heartfelt replies. Also as I read some of the posts on here a part of me feels guilty posting along side some of the members of this forum. You see I may not be taking mega doses of oxy everyday but I’m scared to death.

I started using opioids for fun probably about 10 years ago. I loved the euphoria I got from just 1/2 a Vicodin. Made me feel as if all was well in the world and I got a lot done. Up until about 3 Year’s ago it was just a couple pills here and there. But now I have progressed to 40-45 mg oxy at a time. Because of my job in the medical field I only take them once on Mon, tue, and wed. So I realize my habit could be much worse. I’ve tried quitting before but the pills dominate my thoughts when I don’t have them. I’ve become someone who can’t get motivated to do anything unless I have oxy in my system. My life revolves around getting them and taking them. If I have them it’s almost impossible for me to not take them.

Here’s where I am. I know My life will spiral further into my addiction if I don’t quit now. Higher doses and more frequent would be inevitable I’m sure. My last pills were 10/14. By the grace of God I didn’t really have any of the physical withdrawals that so many suffer with. My issue is what I’m assuming as the PAWS. No energy or motivation to do much of anything or spend time with anyone. Fun or otherwise. The depression and severe mood swings are debilitating. I find joy and happiness in almost nothing. I’ve been forcing myself to go out for good long power walks and I’ve improved my diet. I’m 8 days into this and do everything I can think of to remain strong. I spend a lot of time scanning the web for opioid success stories but i find most are using a story to sell you something. I’ve grown cynical.

I’m hoping for some encouragement from people who have been where I am and where I going. Here’s a couple things I could use some advise on:

1. My biggest concern is will I ever feel normal again. It’s been long enough that I’m not even sure I would recognize normal. If so how long and is there any way to speed up the process?
2. I drink a couple glasses of wine 3-4 days a week. Will this slow down the process of recovering from opioids?
3. What are some of the proven ways of dealing with cravings?
4. Is it true that if a person slips up once that you start the time and recovery process all over from the very beginning, no matter how far along you are?


Because of what I do for a living I have kept this a total secret. Professional counseling or public support groups are not first choice. I got myself into this privately and I’m hoping to get out of it privately. I appreciate any guidance that anyone could give.

[Beefaroni7272]

Man I just had a long response to your post that got deleted or my fat fingers hit the wrong button. First off welcome to the forum!! This is a great place with great people who will help and motivate you on your way. I myself was on oxy recreationally for 2 years ish at 240-300 mg/day. (I'm a big guy) I used my back pain which is there but not terrible as a crutch and a reason to use. Consider yourself lucky that you haven't really had physical w/d. With short acting opiates after about a week you should be through the physical part of the w/d. Ahh the lack of motivation, exhaustion and joylessness. I know those cruel mistresses well. All I can tell you is it gets better with time. There is no magic potion that will make it all go away. Everyone is different and depending on doseage, length of taking pills and a few other factors. Everyone's road to recovery is slightly different.

Have you looked into supplements?? I know that they have helped me get back to some version of "normal" after all the years of opiate addiction I have done some serious damage to my brain and there are many supplements and amino acids that help with the process.

As for relapsing I have a friend who seems to look for a reason to use over and over again. I know that he most of the time does experience some form of w/d. You have to really want this. Cravings will be there you just have to keep reminding yourself of why youre doing this in the first place. Time is the greatest healer and eventually there will be days where the thought of taking a pill won't even enter your mind. It's a gradual process but the end result is way better.

I'm not sure about the wine. Haven't had a drink in 8 years. Pills and subs were my drugs of choice.

As for the PAWS from what I understand those are the reappearance of w/d symptoms weeks or even months after you've been clean for no apparent reason. But don't worry about that now. Doesn't happen to everyone. I would encourage you to read others threads spend as much time on here as you need to. I've read most of the threads it really helped occupy my mind on those sleepless nights. Post as much as you need to. Everyone here is amazing. They will help you through this. Judgement free zone here. Ask auestions, someone will stop by and answer it. Hopefully with more info than what I have to offer. I wish you nothing but the best. Keep us updated on your progress. Congratulations again on taking your life back. You can do this!!! Take it slow and one day at a time!!! One quote that I really liked when I saw it was from a member named Ricky "one pill is too many and a thousand will never be enough"

Good luck on your journey!!!!

Beef

[Encourage1227]

How are you doing? I'm on day 20 no pills. I have had craving too but someone on here told me to tell myself this is a craving. Take a deep breath and except it for what it is and move on. It's works for me just to except what I am feeling instead of trying to ignore it. I hated hearing Go Workout. Ugh. Really? I did not over doing it. I started just the treadmill and the first day I'm not joking the back of my head was tingling. It felt like stuff was flowing through my head. It was an awesome feeling. It also gave me my energy back. I never really believed the hipe of excersing but now I do.
I take vitamins and minerals supplements and drink protein shacks. Good luck
Hang in there

[Longgone2008]

Welcome! I'm on day 8 of relapse from taking oxys every single day. Can I say I'm proud of you. I was you at first just a few here and there then the next thing I knew it was all day every day. I couldn't control it. I did horrible things for my addiction. You are getting out at a really good time.

As far as feeling normal. I ask that question over and over again myself. I too just want normal back. From what I understand it will come. Our bodies are amazing and can truly heal themselves it just takes time.

I know you aren't going through the physical withdrawls but keep it close in mind. If you are tempted remember that its a dark and slippery slope and I would give anything to not go through what I am now.

Keep coming back. Keep posting.

[Encourage1227]

I am doing well! You can do this. I know you can. I tried the taper and it didn't work for me. I went to medical detox and boom I went through the dreaded withdrawal without being sick. 7 days withdrawal and home. I wish I would have done this years ago. That's the first step. Second is coming home and starting to live a NEW NORMAL. Normal without pills. It's a head game. Head says I want a pill, craving hits. I recognize it as it is and move on. Head stops talking. Lol
I'm here if you need anything.
Kinda hard to navigate this site because of my lack of skills but I'll try to watch for you.
Courage is the word of the day!