As I read the words of the members sharing their experiences on this forum i sense the pain, fear and desperation underneath what they write. However I’ve drawn hope from their stories and all the heartfelt replies. Also as I read some of the posts on here a part of me feels guilty posting along side some of the members of this forum. You see I may not be taking mega doses of oxy everyday but I’m scared to death.
I started using opioids for fun probably about 10 years ago. I loved the euphoria I got from just 1/2 a Vicodin. Made me feel as if all was well in the world and I got a lot done. Up until about 3 Year’s ago it was just a couple pills here and there. But now I have progressed to 40-45 mg oxy at a time. Because of my job in the medical field I only take them once on Mon, tue, and wed. So I realize my habit could be much worse. I’ve tried quitting before but the pills dominate my thoughts when I don’t have them. I’ve become someone who can’t get motivated to do anything unless I have oxy in my system. My life revolves around getting them and taking them. If I have them it’s almost impossible for me to not take them.
Here’s where I am. I know My life will spiral further into my addiction if I don’t quit now. Higher doses and more frequent would be inevitable I’m sure. My last pills were 10/14. By the grace of God I didn’t really have any of the physical withdrawals that so many suffer with. My issue is what I’m assuming as the PAWS. No energy or motivation to do much of anything or spend time with anyone. Fun or otherwise. The depression and severe mood swings are debilitating. I find joy and happiness in almost nothing. I’ve been forcing myself to go out for good long power walks and I’ve improved my diet. I’m 8 days into this and do everything I can think of to remain strong. I spend a lot of time scanning the web for opioid success stories but i find most are using a story to sell you something. I’ve grown cynical.
I’m hoping for some encouragement from people who have been where I am and where I going. Here’s a couple things I could use some advise on:
1. My biggest concern is will I ever feel normal again. It’s been long enough that I’m not even sure I would recognize normal. If so how long and is there any way to speed up the process?
2. I drink a couple glasses of wine 3-4 days a week. Will this slow down the process of recovering from opioids?
3. What are some of the proven ways of dealing with cravings?
4. Is it true that if a person slips up once that you start the time and recovery process all over from the very beginning, no matter how far along you are?
Because of what I do for a living I have kept this a total secret. Professional counseling or public support groups are not first choice. I got myself into this privately and I’m hoping to get out of it privately. I appreciate any guidance that anyone could give.