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Life long after suboxone
  1. #1
    PureLife is offline New Member
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    Post Life long after suboxone

    Hello all,
    I was inspired to log back in after remembering that is is my six year anniversary of being off subs.

    Looking at all your posts, it's a hard, but healthy reminder of the drug's insidious nature, as I'm grateful to be giving the encouragement this go round.

    I thought I'd share my story and what got me through the hardest w/ds I could have ever endured thanks to suboxone.

    Six years ago, I had tapered myself down from 2 8mgs a day to 3mgs, and then decided to jump. That was maybe a mistake looking back, and I wish that I had been a little more patient. But I was so depressed being on the meds, that I just wanted off. I desperately called two rehabs, for which I was turned away- both said that I wasn't abusing the medicine and was not taking enough to warrant rehab. I realized then that I was on my own.

    First, I planned like crazy. I told my work that I needed to take a medical leave for 3 weeks for a surgery. In my mind, it really was a medical leave.

    I also planned out a lot of help with my son, relying on his dad and family- especially in the first 10 days.

    Then, I took the plunge......

    I had an extremely intense first two weeks, with two trips to the ER. When I told the physicians that I was detoxing off subs, they basically said that I wasn't taking enough to have bad w/ds. That was my second realization, in a string of many, that doctors don't have a clue how bad this drug is.

    It felt like I was dying. I have never endured that much torture...childbirth and multiple episodes of meningitis are a walk in the park compared to my detox.

    I went the first week with almost no sleep- that may have been the worst part. I surrounded myself with things that were not dark, meaning no drama, whether it be real life or media-related. I listened to health-related and inspirational podcasts. I took high quality supplements, including high-grade cod liver oil, coQ10 and other things recommended in the Thomas Recipe. I took four to five baths a day for aches. I laid hot damp cloths over my head and eyes for my horrible headaches and heating pads on my legs ad back for pain.

    I had three prescriptions that worked wonders:
    -Clonidine for general uncomfortable CNS responses - restlessness, seating, heart-racing, etc
    -Phenergan for nausea
    -SMALL amount of sedative for anxiety- (I took .125 of Klonopin every evening) and a little bit of sleep

    I also had an encouraging family and an incredible husband that helped me through it.....and of course, this site. I posted daily and really listened to those that had endured the same thing I did. (I just read a bunch of my old posts from 2009).

    After the first two weeks, I was able to sleep a little and to get outside and walk around the block, which I did as often as I could. In the following months, Yoga and working out became my staple. Slowly, my world began to change and I began to feel again.

    The past six years have been incredible joyous both professionally and personally. I got married to a wonderful man who was with me all through the sub journey... and I have been promoted numerous times at work, finally becoming a VP in my organization. None of that would have happened if I continued on Suboxone, absolutely none of it.

    The biggest blessing is how much I can feel again. I truly have a fulfilling life now and it was worth every second of torture and w/d...I would do it al over again to have what I have now.

    The cravings for all opiates subsided about 9 months into recovery, and I have not used since.

    For those of you struggling with w/d, it does get better....it's worth the pain....don't give up.

    K

  2. #2
    1DaysPay is offline Junior Member
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    Hats off to you. 6 years is an awesome milestone! I enjoyed reading your story thanks for sharing. Im sure it will help others who are detoxing and others to continue to stay clean.

    The process is extremely dufficult (probably one of the most difficult things one can endure in life) but with the right mindset, motivation, support system, and supplements it can be done.

    To all reading this, daylight is right around the corner. The sooner you admit your addiction and decide to get and stay clean the sooner you will be able to truly LIVE!

    Thanks again for sharing and congrats on your milestone.

    All the best,

    1dayspay

  3. #3
    PureLife is offline New Member
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    Thanks 1DaysPay...love your name btw

    Care to share your story? I'd like to keep the thread going with success stories and you seem to have one....

  4. #4
    Batting500 is offline New Member
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    As someone that is on day 1 of Suboxone (I'm gonna try and refuse to call it Subs since its a cute name and I hate all things with opiates in them, now, ha), I love this thread.

    Thank you guys for sharing these stories. I've tried NA a couple times and can't get myself into it. Great, amazing, wonderful people there but for some reason, it's not for me. It makes me feel more like a drug addict than I normally do, or am really. But this place I think might be my NA.

    Peace to you all.

  5. #5
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batting500 View Post
    As someone that is on day 1 of Suboxone (I'm gonna try and refuse to call it Subs since its a cute name and I hate all things with opiates in them, now, ha), I love this thread.

    Thank you guys for sharing these stories. I've tried NA a couple times and can't get myself into it. Great, amazing, wonderful people there but for some reason, it's not for me. It makes me feel more like a drug addict than I normally do, or am really. But this place I think might be my NA.

    Peace to you all.


    It's me again! Lol. I can assure you with 100% accuracy that this forum is no comparison to NA or AA support groups. Yes this place is awesome! No doubt about that whatsoever. Amazing, caring people that really understand how addiction can and will destroy us inside and out. But NA/AA is so much more!

    I was one that you couldn't drag to a meeting. I didn't need meetings, it wasn't for me was my thinking. And to be completely honest I was scared shyteless to walk in the door of a meeting. I didn't want someone to recognize me, I didn't want to be with a bunch of other addicts discussing their problems, etc. But I thought about it this last time and really gave myself a good talking to. I had relapsed over and over and over and had one foot in the grave. My way of getting clean just wasn't working. I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone and try something different. And I got up the courage, found a nearby NA meeting and went one evening.

    I almost chickened out several times, but I did walk in. I sat near a corner, my head down and tried to listen. They went around the room asking if anyone had anything to say. I couldn't even say no I was so scared and they passed by me to the next person. I knew immediately that place wasn't for me. That was my immediate thoughts. How wrong I was I soon discovered. A friend and I found another NA meeting and this one was completely different than the previous one. I felt more in tune to the others, but listening to some of the stories frightened me and I'm not afraid of anything! I left never to return. Or so I thought again.

    To keep this shorter I eventually got into AA meetings. Completely different substance, same addiction, same 12 steps. I knew I had found my home group. There seemed to be many more addicts that were serious about their recovery. I eventually found a great sponsor and worked the steps. It has completely changed my life. It will your too! That's what has worked for me. It has saved my life without one shred of doubt.

    I urge you to go to another meeting of NA or try an AA meeting. I now go to both AA and NA meetings because my thoughts have changed, my mindset is different and no matter what others think or do it's ME that matters. I love going to meetings!

    This place can HELP you along the way, but it won't get you clean and especially can't KEEP you clean. But those meetings can and will. Don't give up on them my friend. Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean takes the real work!!!

    -Randy
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-10-2015 at 08:04 AM.

  6. #6
    jeffro6527 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by PureLife View Post
    Hello all,
    I was inspired to log back in after remembering that is is my six year anniversary of being off subs.

    Looking at all your posts, it's a hard, but healthy reminder of the drug's insidious nature, as I'm grateful to be giving the encouragement this go round.

    I thought I'd share my story and what got me through the hardest w/ds I could have ever endured thanks to suboxone.

    Six years ago, I had tapered myself down from 2 8mgs a day to 3mgs, and then decided to jump. That was maybe a mistake looking back, and I wish that I had been a little more patient. But I was so depressed being on the meds, that I just wanted off. I desperately called two rehabs, for which I was turned away- both said that I wasn't abusing the medicine and was not taking enough to warrant rehab. I realized then that I was on my own.

    First, I planned like crazy. I told my work that I needed to take a medical leave for 3 weeks for a surgery. In my mind, it really was a medical leave.

    I also planned out a lot of help with my son, relying on his dad and family- especially in the first 10 days.

    Then, I took the plunge......

    I had an extremely intense first two weeks, with two trips to the ER. When I told the physicians that I was detoxing off subs, they basically said that I wasn't taking enough to have bad w/ds. That was my second realization, in a string of many, that doctors don't have a clue how bad this drug is.

    It felt like I was dying. I have never endured that much torture...childbirth and multiple episodes of meningitis are a walk in the park compared to my detox.

    I went the first week with almost no sleep- that may have been the worst part. I surrounded myself with things that were not dark, meaning no drama, whether it be real life or media-related. I listened to health-related and inspirational podcasts. I took high quality supplements, including high-grade cod liver oil, coQ10 and other things recommended in the Thomas Recipe. I took four to five baths a day for aches. I laid hot damp cloths over my head and eyes for my horrible headaches and heating pads on my legs ad back for pain.

    I had three prescriptions that worked wonders:
    -Clonidine for general uncomfortable CNS responses - restlessness, seating, heart-racing, etc
    -Phenergan for nausea
    -SMALL amount of sedative for anxiety- (I took .125 of Klonopin every evening) and a little bit of sleep

    I also had an encouraging family and an incredible husband that helped me through it.....and of course, this site. I posted daily and really listened to those that had endured the same thing I did. (I just read a bunch of my old posts from 2009).

    After the first two weeks, I was able to sleep a little and to get outside and walk around the block, which I did as often as I could. In the following months, Yoga and working out became my staple. Slowly, my world began to change and I began to feel again.

    The past six years have been incredible joyous both professionally and personally. I got married to a wonderful man who was with me all through the sub journey... and I have been promoted numerous times at work, finally becoming a VP in my organization. None of that would have happened if I continued on Suboxone, absolutely none of it.

    The biggest blessing is how much I can feel again. I truly have a fulfilling life now and it was worth every second of torture and w/d...I would do it al over again to have what I have now.

    The cravings for all opiates subsided about 9 months into recovery, and I have not used since.

    For those of you struggling with w/d, it does get better....it's worth the pain....don't give up.

    K
    Wow Purelife!

    Thank you so much for your incredible story! Makes me believe that I can do this!

    If you don't mind me asking what other forms of recovery have you practiced? NA, addiction therapy, spiritual healing etc etc? Just curious as I am still trying to find the right combination of these for myself. I exercise like a nutcase but thats nothing new

    Your new pal,
    Jeffro
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-10-2015 at 11:27 AM. Reason: forgot to sign off

  7. #7
    PureLife is offline New Member
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    Great question. For me, the answer is balance in all areas of my life- physical (movement/nutrition), emotional, spiritual, relational, financial and last chemical (I don't take antidepressants but I do take a tone of high-quality supplements that support healthy brain function- this could be considered nutritional too)...

    My first year, it was really important for me to stay close to others in recovery. I attended meetings frequently and got some great support. But for me, it became all too consuming and a lot of drama was occurring at the NA group. So once I felt stable and strong, I sought the peace I needed in a multitude of different facets- therapy and developing a spiritual practice.

    From very early on the statement "you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with" resonated with me deeply and I believe the first big shift was surrounding myself with grounded individuals that lifted me up. I got rid of all the toxic noise in relationships/situations.

    Not to say that this is how everyone should do it, but that's what has worked for me. Of course it hasn't been easy and I still have down days and stress and everything else, but I can handle it now. That's the difference.

    For me, it's all about balance, and every day is a balancing act as new things and experiences appear.

    K

  8. #8
    jeffro6527 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by PureLife View Post
    Great question. For me, the answer is balance in all areas of my life- physical (movement/nutrition), emotional, spiritual, relational, financial and last chemical (I don't take antidepressants but I do take a tone of high-quality supplements that support healthy brain function- this could be considered nutritional too)...

    My first year, it was really important for me to stay close to others in recovery. I attended meetings frequently and got some great support. But for me, it became all too consuming and a lot of drama was occurring at the NA group. So once I felt stable and strong, I sought the peace I needed in a multitude of different facets- therapy and developing a spiritual practice.

    From very early on the statement "you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with" resonated with me deeply and I believe the first big shift was surrounding myself with grounded individuals that lifted me up. I got rid of all the toxic noise in relationships/situations.

    Not to say that this is how everyone should do it, but that's what has worked for me. Of course it hasn't been easy and I still have down days and stress and everything else, but I can handle it now. That's the difference.

    For me, it's all about balance, and every day is a balancing act as new things and experiences appear.

    K
    Thanks for all the info Pure! You rock, and its nice to see other people that believe recovery is more multifaceted than any one aspect. Its a heathy balance that makes me feel the best, so that is what I will concentrate on. I know I am lacking mostly in the spirit dept right now so that is getting extra attention.

    Just curious if you are willing to share what type of supplements you take to support brain function? What do you think of Nootropics? I've heard little bits here and there but haven't had enough time to do proper research yet. I would love to talk to you sometime and get your take on some of the more ancient naturopathic ways in which people have gotten their spirits reset.

    Your new pal,
    Jeffro

  9. #9
    Batting500 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randy35 View Post
    It's me again! Lol. I can assure you with 100% accuracy that this forum is no comparison to NA or AA support groups. Yes this place is awesome! No doubt about that whatsoever. Amazing, caring people that really understand how addiction can and will destroy us inside and out. But NA/AA is so much more!

    I was one that you couldn't drag to a meeting. I didn't need meetings, it wasn't for me was my thinking. And to be completely honest I was scared shyteless to walk in the door of a meeting. I didn't want someone to recognize me, I didn't want to be with a bunch of other addicts discussing their problems, etc. But I thought about it this last time and really gave myself a good talking to. I had relapsed over and over and over and had one foot in the grave. My way of getting clean just wasn't working. I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone and try something different. And I got up the courage, found a nearby NA meeting and went one evening.

    I almost chickened out several times, but I did walk in. I sat near a corner, my head down and tried to listen. They went around the room asking if anyone had anything to say. I couldn't even say no I was so scared and they passed by me to the next person. I knew immediately that place wasn't for me. That was my immediate thoughts. How wrong I was I soon discovered. A friend and I found another NA meeting and this one was completely different than the previous one. I felt more in tune to the others, but listening to some of the stories frightened me and I'm not afraid of anything! I left never to return. Or so I thought again.

    To keep this shorter I eventually got into AA meetings. Completely different substance, same addiction, same 12 steps. I knew I had found my home group. There seemed to be many more addicts that were serious about their recovery. I eventually found a great sponsor and worked the steps. It has completely changed my life. It will your too! That's what has worked for me. It has saved my life without one shred of doubt.

    I urge you to go to another meeting of NA or try an AA meeting. I now go to both AA and NA meetings because my thoughts have changed, my mindset is different and no matter what others think or do it's ME that matters. I love going to meetings!

    This place can HELP you along the way, but it won't get you clean and especially can't KEEP you clean. But those meetings can and will. Don't give up on them my friend. Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean takes the real work!!!

    -Randy
    Hey Randy.

    Just saw that you responded to this. I didn't dislike the one NA meeting I went to. I guess I can't get over the feeling that I know deep down is probably wrong that I don't need it. I have been a recreational drug user most of my life and almost all the drugs have come and gone without meetings and the only reason this one hasn't IN MY MIND is simply because of the physical addiction.

    So I have a thesis that when I get over the physical part, the mental part will be easy. I shared my first meeting. Made some friends even that I still speak to. A couple of them got clean using the doctor I'm using for my ORT Suboxone therapy but that's not where the reference came from.

    This was a "candlelight" meeting and I truly hate saying this but when the lights went down, I felt like I was with a bunch of drug users and I wanted to party. It ended up surely different but even with the people I met, and they are amazing people, I just wasn't feeling the neccisity. I MUST BE WRONG because most people say what you are but I just wasn't feeling it.

    I dunno. I believe in oneness and think we are all a part of the same organism in this universe so I would think I would be a prime candidate for it but I've called Matrix and we will see how that goes. Meanwhile, Randy is my sponsor.

    Thanks bro.

    I will truly always remember you already.

    Adam

  10. #10
    PureLife is offline New Member
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    Out of curiosity, has anyone heard of low dose Naltrexone for opiate addiction? I've done a lot of research about it and the concept is fascinating- increasing one's own endorphins. Used for many AI diseases, depression and now a possibility for addiction.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-23-2015 at 09:30 AM.

  11. #11
    lcbourgeois is offline New Member
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    I just wanted to say thank you! I'm new here & really scared. Subs have actually pulled me out of some horrible times & horrible path, but I'm ready to move on. I'm so very scared & don't want to lose anything I've gained this past year. I'm so thankful for your story & sharing with us! THANK YOU SO MUC!
    Rhodesy likes this.

  12. #12
    Rhodesy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lcbourgeois View Post
    I just wanted to say thank you! I'm new here & really scared. Subs have actually pulled me out of some horrible times & horrible path, but I'm ready to move on. I'm so very scared & don't want to lose anything I've gained this past year. I'm so thankful for your story & sharing with us! THANK YOU SO MUC!
    Keep up the fight! Suboxone can do great things. It can get you to stop the cycle of using and wanting to get high. It can stabilize your life. It can allow you to get through your day without wanting desperately to go use. But eventually suboxone will slowly rob you of who you are. It will change you so much as a person you won't even realized you've changed. Stay on suboxone just long enough to get stable and to kick the feelings of wanting to get high. Once you've accomplished that I highly recommend getting off suboxone. You won't be able to fully be you and experience everything life has to offer while on suboxone.
    lucaonthe2ndfloor likes this.

  13. #13
    Icandothis24 is offline Member
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    Purelife, I just really wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your success story, gives me hope that I desperately needed! Congratulations on 6 years what a huge accomplishment! Sometimes I get it stuck in my head that the way I am feeling now is going to be permanent and that scares the >>>> out of me but reading this really did give me some hope, I'm at the beginning of my suboxone taper still have a long ways to go but again thank you for showing there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. Congrats again on your success!

  14. #14
    hardingn88 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rhodesy View Post
    Keep up the fight! Suboxone can do great things. It can get you to stop the cycle of using and wanting to get high. It can stabilize your life. It can allow you to get through your day without wanting desperately to go use. But eventually suboxone will slowly rob you of who you are. It will change you so much as a person you won't even realized you've changed. Stay on suboxone just long enough to get stable and to kick the feelings of wanting to get high. Once you've accomplished that I highly recommend getting off suboxone. You won't be able to fully be you and experience everything life has to offer while on suboxone.
    This really hit home to me. Suboxone took me from a bad situation to a better situation. I haven't craved a real pill in 4 years. I was able to get my life together, stay with my then seperated husband, take care of my children, buy a HOME, we have 3 cars that at least get us where we need to be, I have my family back, MY LIFE BACK!

    BUT!!!! I am not who I once was. I have lost myself and it wasn't until my husband reminded me that years ago I would NEVER consider letting my house get so junked up, nor eat frozen dinners daily, nor go for WEEK without makeup, sit in the house for dayd at a time with nothing more than dread for when I have to leave for something, gain 50lbs and everything else that used to mean so much to myself..... even though I have a stable life I do not have myself. I lost it to the subs that did so many other things for me. I made the choice May 27th to quit. I went from 12mg down to 3mg in 2 weeks. I cannot seem to get to 2mg. I start feeling sick and give it and do another mg (I think it's mental because as soon as I have taken the last mg I immediately feel fine and regret taking 3mg instead of 2mg. STUPID huh? I definitely have a love/hate relationship with my subs but I want myself back. I will be out July 3rd. And will be making the jump from there. Please everyone be thinking about me and if you pray say some prayers for me because I am scared to death that mentally I'm not able to do this.

    Thank you for your post it opened my eyes even more!

  15. #15
    Streeter00 is offline New Member
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    Very inspiring pure life! I'm going on a year and a half off suboxone, and will never look back. I tapered 1 mg a month over a 9 month period, and jumped at .5. I always like hearing stories like this...it helped through my toughest times of w/d. I was using 80 Mgs of oc a day and found suboxone. it got me just far away enough from that lifestyle....went on suboxone and just got tired of being a slave to a pill. I am better than that. So I decided to quit and have not looked back.

  16. #16
    jillybean59226 is offline New Member
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    Purelife, Thank you for sharing!! I am currently tapering Methadone and hearing stories like this help so much and get me so excited about finishing my journey. I wish you the best and hope life continues to bring you new rewards for your accomplishment.

    Harding88, I sympathize whole heartedly with where you are. This drug has totally changed me as well and many of the things you mentioned are dead on with my life. I also do not keep house the way I used too, have gained 30lbs and never want to leave the house. I have 4 children, so I do have to get out and do things, but I hate it and always look forward to getting home. This is a total 180 from the outgoing person I used to be. I am fortunate to have a very supportive and loving hubby also. My heart goes out to those that have no means of help or support going through this battle alone.

    I am so happy I found this site and all of you guys!!!

  17. #17
    fuma518 is offline New Member
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    thanks for the story. im about on week 7 after jumping of off 8mg ct after being on it 3 years. actually me and my fiancee did it at the same time so its been a long 7 weeks at my house... but things finally start to be looking up. and reading success storys like yours definatly helps rather than all the horror stories out there. thanks again

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