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Lost in oblivion
  1. #1
    Wrecked2514 is offline New Member
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    Sep 2015
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    Default Lost in oblivion

    I am 24 years old and in love with hydrocodone. I have not yet hit my rock bottom, but terribly afraid death will come first. I am not the same person I was before I started using, abusing, and ravishing, myself with this drug. I lie to my loved ones,steal,use money we don't have, do whatever needs to be done to get my next high. I justify my addiction by saying, " I'm not that bad I don't snort it, slam it, or shove it In my ass!" I just simply swallow them or chew them so I can't be that far gone. Right? Wrong I don't even recognize myself anymore. I would like to know how some of you other opiate users got clean and how hard it was. Here is a little background like I said I am 24 I have been using hydrocodone for 4 years now. I get a perscription for 120 10mg-325 every 25 days or so and I always run out so I buy some from family or friends. I have also went through people cabinets to get what I needed. So please let me here what and how you got clean. I would very much appreciate it. Thank you

  2. #2
    Lilipie is offline New Member
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    Sep 2015
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    Hi Wrecked, I am 34. I have had a love affair with hydro for the last 10 years and have tried to kick the habit a few times. I started just taking 5mgs here and there. When I quit, I was taking a minimum of 50mg of hydro, oxy, and anything else I could get my hands on, and washing it down with a couple of bottles of wine a night. I run my own successful business and always thought that I managed my addiction and alcoholism well.

    However, in the last 5 years, things got progressively worse. The pills were numbing the booze so I was drinking ridiculous amounts and I turned into an all around beast. I'd get drunk and wild eyed, take handfuls of pills and drink more. I am five feet tall, as big as a 4th grader, drinking 3 bottles at times. I would wake up and piece together the night before like a scavenger hunt, then go to work every day. I thought it was a phase and before I knew it, the phase lasted for years. Years that flew by while I was high. In the last months I have been anxiety ridden and depressed. 8 days ago, I got messed up and devoured all of my pills. The next day all of my connects were out and I was 3 weeks away from a refill. What really made me decide to stick to it this time is that feeling of hopelessness I get when I am out. Searching through every corner of my house, calling everyone I know, contemplating hurting myself to get more. I have never been able to visualize life without pills but I hate that feeling of being out, more than anything and I didn't want to have it ever again.

    Today I completed a week with no pills no booze and I think that I am through the worst of it, physically. The first 3 days were the usual, sweats, night terrors, rls and all around depression and wanting to die. I bought a ton of supplements but I don't think I would have made it without Kratom. This has really taken the edge and cravings off and I haven't needed too much of it either. Tons of water and packet, after packet of emergen-C has also been great. On the 4th day, I got out of bed and actually went jogging, which helped a ton. I realized on the way home, that I had hope for the first time in years. Hope, that life could actually go on and be happy, sober. My eyes look brighter every day, I have also lost 5 lbs. I used to always pat myself on the back for being so successful and having a life that a lot of people envy while keeping my addiction under control. Getting sober, even just for 7 days, has been like watching a giant light flash, on all of the things that I have done to myself and others that I really did not have under control. It's shameful but very eye opening. My best advice to you is, don't get stuck in the pill prison for another 10 years like I did. It will seem impossible or like it cant be done but it can. Eventually you will need more and more and sustaining it will get harder. (I was spending almost $1000 a month on pills) alone, and while you may think pills make you happy, eventually they will suck it all out of you. This is one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life and I commend anyone who has been through it with success. I still get sweaty, anxious, and afraid. Most of the physical wd's have gone away but I still struggle. Nothing compared to the first few days. I constantly have to remind myself of that feeling of hopelessness that I get when I am out of pills and that taking even 1, negates all of the hard work I have done in the last week. That I will either die or have to face my addiction some day, so that day might as well be today. For the first time I really believe what people say about a life of hope and happiness, because I have finally felt it and I know I will continue to. You deserve it too.. All my best.

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