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Married to an opiate addict
  1. #1
    candicerose32 is offline New Member
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    Apr 2014
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    Unhappy Married to an opiate addict

    I am hoping to find anyone going through the same though times I am. My husband is a opiate addict. It went from vicodin, oxys to now injecting dilaudid. He went to rehab for a week and was so sure that he was going to make it. Had me convinced too. I went along to program with him attending family support meetings, naranon, alanon, etc.
    It hit an all time low when I walked into my bathroom and found him getting ready to inject. It took things to an entire different level for me. He wasnt always like this. it started when he got back from Afghanistan & Iraq. He was in a helecopter crash and got addicted to the pain meds. He was clean when i met him and doing great he was the man of my dreams. Over the past year its been on and off. He tried suboxone and it worked for 7 months until he started abusing it and then selling it for drugs. We agreed within the past week that we needed a split he would go to his dads where using wouldnt be an option and it is the best chance for him to get clean and I would leave our rental house and move in with my parents for support and to save money. He is still part of an IOP (well atleast he says he is) goes 3 nights a week for 3 hours. Yesterday he got his suboxone script refilled and we agreed that I would hold on to it and dispense as necessary. As soon as I walked in the door I could see it in his face that he was high. So ofcourse I questioned him about it and he denied it and it led to a long fight when I realized he wasnt wearing his wedding ring. I know he pawned it but says someone is just holding it for him so he doesnt. Yeah ok. I know that he loves me more than the world but not more than his high. He jumped in the car and took off and I jumped in my car and followed behind (this was something never done before). He knew I was following him and lost me in the bad part of the ghetto when he told me to leave him alone. I went home and cried. I was so angry and knew that he hit an all time low. He tried to come back but I wouldnt let him in the house I told him to either sleep in his car or check himself into the hospital, After 2 hours of him texting that he was going to kill himself I caved and let him sleep in the basement. I told him today that he needed to find somewhere to stay since his dad is out of town right now and the rest of his family is out of state. I called off work today becaue i was scared that I would come home to an empty house. He was pawed everything from my jewelry, my laptop, my moms jewelry, his watch i bought him for xmas and now his wedding ring. Im so scared to lose my husband but Ive lost myself in the process.I dont know what to do when he gets home. He literally has nowhere to go until his dad gets home. I can never forgive him for pawning his wedding ring. I wish that he was just a bad guy in general instead of a good guy with a problem. Any thoughts or advice would be so helpful. The only one I have to talk to about this is my mom and I dont want her to hate him incase we do work.

  2. #2
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Please go post this on the "need to talk" board. There are several people there in the same boat you are and you will get lots of support there. I'm afraid there isn't anything you CAN do. He has to do it, he has to want to be clean like no other, more than he wants anything in this world including you. You really hit the nail on the head: we aren't bad people, but the drugs have us by the scruff and we will do whatever it takes to get the drugs. And, as you know, we are all liars. Next time he threatens to take his life, call the cops. Tell them he's a danger to himself and others. He may go to jail, or have to do a few weeks in hospital or something, but at least he'd be somewhere safe. I am so sorry you are in this position.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Sue 4 and sosorry like this.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Hi,

    I just wanted to comment...I grew up with two addict parents. I got sucked into the life a little myself but luckily snapped out of it before it got to this level. I know how you feel though and being on both sides before I figured I'd offer some advice. My mom was really badly hooked on prescriptions. She was bad. Dr shopping...multiple drs multiple prescriptions. It is extremely extremely frustrating to watch someone you love put themselves through that. I know. My father was also in the military for 20 years and went to war. He came back changed. PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) Its real. Idk if your husband has talked to anyone about it or seen a counselor (not psychiatrist I don't recommend them! Just another pill solution to his problems) But a real counselor that specializes. My dad told me some stories about what he saw over there and its haunting. Very traumatizing. Men also happen to be brought up to be tough. To suck it up and "be a man" so a lot of times they don't talk...they hold things inside and let it eat them alive. Even though its hard the best thing you could do for him is just sit him down at his soberest....and just anger put aside judgements aside just tell him how much you love him and that he is killing you. Not just himself but you with this. To please please get help. Talk to a counselor. Something is there deep down. Hes numbing something. Until he faces that hes gonna keep numbing. There are a lot of counselors out there for veterans. Specializing in addiction and Post traumatic stress. Theres a huge link.
    Sue 4 likes this.

  4. #4
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Jan 2010
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    Getin has made some really good suggestions for you. Good post, Getin. Wanted to "like it" but can't find the button!!! What's that about, anyway??

    I too know both sides of addiction. I abused for a very long time but am clean for just over 4 yrs now (thank you folks here at the Forum!). My son is a very active addict. I'm sorry I don't have answers for you because there are none. The best help you can give him is to let him go being sure to tell him exactly how much you love him. I struggle with this every single day with my son so I know how hard it must be to read this advice. We "love them to death". I consider my options, just like you I'm sure: Do I put him on the street so that he'll be found dead somewhere or do I wake up one morning and find him dead in my house? My choice. Great! Can't wait to decide.

    For years I sucked my family dry both financially and emotionally. What I can tell you is that when I was using I simply didn't get it. In my head I just couldn't understand the big deal. After all, I was only hurting myself. That is the thought process of an addict. I don't think there are many that would disagree. NO ONE talked me into getting clean. No one could love me clean. No low was low enough. I was a wreck and I was weary. I was too tired. Too tired to worry about going away and having enough to bring. Plain and simple: I was sick of being sick. Only then after countless attempts did I begin to put some serious clean time behind me.

    There will be others to come along but I'm afraid you'll read more of the same. I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Please take care of yourself.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Last edited by Anonymous; 04-11-2014 at 06:57 PM.

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