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Motivation
  1. #1
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Motivation

    I'm back here again. This time to say I'm actually off of using (oxy). This is day 5 for me. All physical Withdrawals are gone. I tapered extremely quickly and I don't really recommend how I did it to anybody. I was on average around 50mg a day. Then went to 90mg.
    Day 1 was 90mg
    Day 2 was 50mg
    Day 3 was 20mg
    Day 4 was 15mg
    Day 5 was 5mg (5 days ago)
    Then I jumped. I took extacy at around my 36 hour mark (Helped None with sleeping but definitely took my mind off of the cravings and though I still felt the withdrawals, on extacy I simply didn't care that I was going through it.
    But now it's day 5 and I feel like I want my best friend back. People say choose life or death, honest truth. Life scares me a tad bit more than death does so trying to scare me away from it is backwards to me. I just need to know how some of you STAYED off. Because I got off of it, but truthfully I'm bored.. I got rid of any left over temptations so I won't relapse. But I did get off, it is possible, I was on this stuff worst than anybody I know.

  2. #2
    kathysmith123 is offline New Member
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    Trust me, your old friend is no friend to you at all. My biggest motivation that keeps me from wanting to use again (294 days clean today) is how much using has destroyed my life. I wanted out for a long time. It was not the life I had hoped for myself. Everything I did revolved around using, making sure I had enough, making sure I was able to do my next dose, if I was going to be gone more than 3-4 hours I had to plan to take it with me, it was just so exhausting. And I wasn't even doing it for fun anymore, it was just to survive. Don't even get me started on all the money I have wasted, it disgusts me. I wanted to live life clean and sober, to be able to go where I want, when I want. I can fly on an airplane now!!! I never could before, well I could have but I would have had to try to smuggle my meds with me. Then there is all the damage I did to my family, and relationships. That is not the person I want to be. Finding support, and changing your life in positive ways is something that you have to do to be successful in recovery. If you don't change your daily habits, you will certainly be faced with daily reminders and triggers. I read another poster who said that they rearranged their bedroom even. You need a fresh start, and to begin to build the life you want for yourself. Whether that's jogging in the mornings, joining a gym (exercise is amazing at speeding up the healing of all the damage we've done to our bodies), taking up a cooking class, just do something that you've always wanted to do. You will have plenty of free time now that your world doesn't revolve around using, so make sure you fill your time with healthy activities and surround yourself with people who care about you. Most importantly, don't get discouraged. When I had tried to quit in the past I would start using again because after a month clean, even though the initial withdrawals were over, I still didn't feel great, low energy, depressed, no motivation, and I thought that it would never go away, so I would give in. I started reading these forums and other peoples posts were so uplifting and inspirational. And I saw that what I was experiencing was normal, and that it does get better. So I finally rode it out, and it did get better, and now I feel great. This forum is a great source of motivation, even if you don't want to post anything, read the threads, it really helped me, and now I still come here and have just started posting myself because of the connection I feel to everyone here over this thing we all struggle with. Some days are going to feel like a battle to stay sober, and that's ok, because not every day will feel like that, and it does get easier and those hard days get fewer and farther between. You've got this!!
    Mike1966 likes this.

  3. #3
    dsh12345 is offline Senior Member
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    I agree. Getting through the WD is the easiest part, as you have found out.

    The hard part is staying off and finding out how to live life without opiates.

    When you the drug, you are always happy, so you could be doing nothing all night just sitting on the couch staring at the cieling and being content.

    One of my first problems going off was boredom. What to do now? I had to figure out something to fill my time with, because I couldn't just sit on the couch and stare at the ceiling anymore.

    I also accepted that feeling good from opiates was just temporary high and a temporary good, a short term fix at the cost of long term problems. Like the above poster, I had to plan to use right before friends came over, before I went out, even before I took a shower because I didn't like to come out and feel very cold because I kept the heat down upstairs in the Winter.

    It was awful. It controlled my life - my money, my time, needing to arrange the next dose etc.

    I'm on a suboxone wean now, currently at 2mg/day and it's been going well. Whenever I get cravings or miss a dose, I remind myself not of the good high from the drug, but from all the bad times. I don't say "Man I wish I could be high right now.". I think "Man, good thing I havent spent a dime on that stuff this past 2 weeks, and thank god I'm not currently frantically making calls to 3 ppl right now trying to arrange my next supply".

  4. #4
    OffOpana is offline New Member
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    Congrats on your achievement! I am only off Oxymorphone for 7 days and dealing with PAWS.... any idea how long that lasts? I am half the man I used to be, weak, fatigued, can't sleep well, irritable, etc. Uhhggg any advice?

  5. #5
    Mike1966 is offline New Member
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    Hi Offopana,

    I have not found the key to successfully navigating PAWS. This is my third time in the acute phase of withdrawals and I am on day 3. I'm not worried about staying clean for 7 days and coming off the pain killers completely. My problem is PAWS.

    The longest I have stayed clean over the last 10 years is approximately 6 months. On my last attempt (maybe 1 year ago), I was clean for a month. We may be on an old thread, but hopefully someone can give advice on PAWS.

  6. #6
    Mike1966 is offline New Member
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    Sorry for replying to my own comment. But can someone tell us what to expect after say 2 weeks, a month, a year?

    I got discouraged when my energy was not back after 6 months.

  7. #7
    Anonymous Guest

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    Hi Mike, that is a rapid taper! That said, I'm withdrawing now from Fentanyl. I've been tapering for months tho. Day 4 now. Not really feeling bored with life tho that may happen eventually. I'm just tired of it all. Chasing pain relief. The way I just developed apathy and lost compassion. My crazy impulsive spending. Lack of responsibility. All of that.

    I've only detoxed once before, from oxycodone about 5 years ago. 60 mg. It was hellish for a short time, then better! This Fentanyl is another beast tho. Sure I could con my MD, or get drugs from friends or relatives, but the high isn't why I'm quitting. I stopped getting high, only a temporary increase to a breakthrough med caught me up, briefly. If I was detoxing from multiple drugs I'd be a worse mess. I'm afraid of life too. Going into Sepsis last fall terrified me. I barely survived.

    Keep the faith. I think I can do this now. Days 1-2, I felt like "wtf am I doing?". I know I could go back, but I'd ultimately have to do this again. Once is enough.
    Mike1966 likes this.

  8. #8
    Mike1966 is offline New Member
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    Hi NexusOne,

    Yes, I think apathy and a lack of compassion led me to quit as well. I was perfectly content to sit at home and do nothing in my free time. Now after all these years, I have no real friends or social life. Finally said that was enough. I'm on day 6 now so the worst is over for me. Coming of 60mg of oxy like you did previously.

    How are you feeling now? I have no ideal what fentanyl withdrawals are like or how long they last. As a recommendation, some find it helps to post a daily account of how they feel. This may help you and others as well. Let me know how it is going.

  9. #9
    OffOpana is offline New Member
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    Thanks @Mike1966 I'm worried about PAWS myself. I'm on Clonidine which helps, but my skin is on fire and I am so lethargic. Any advice if that will pass?
    Mike1966 likes this.

  10. #10
    Mike1966 is offline New Member
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    Hey OffOpana, all I can offer is after day 7, things begin to get better. It is not a miracle day were the birds are chirping and the sun is shining.....lol. With each passing day after day 7, symptoms will begin to subside. Sleep and energy will come back and yes the burning skin will subside and go away. I am unfamiliar with Clonidine. Perhaps someone on this site can give you advice on Clonidine.

    Being tired is a normal part of the recovery after acute withdrawals. When I was clean for 6 months, I found that I had to change my diet and eat healthier foods to regain energy. I am not saying you have to eat low fat or low anything. I had to balance my meals and eat more often. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER.....

    If I recall correctly, I felt pretty decent after a month. Sleep was good and my energy came back with the diet change. I started working out and things really got better.

    But I never addressed the addict in me. Yup, on a visit to my RA doctor I decided one prescription of low dose oxy was ok.

    You know what they say, "One is to many, and a thousand is not enough."

    OffOpana, you are through the worst of it and things will only get better from here. Welcome to the other side of your physical dependency. Let us see if we can now address the addict in us correctly.

  11. #11
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    I appreciate you ALL for your replies! I'm on day 20. I'm okay though​! People keep calling my phone saying they have them! That's REALLY annoying. I can't change my number because of the field of business I'm in! I changed my location. That helped tremendously because if I didn't do that, I would have relapsed a long time ago.. now that I moved, business slowed down and I have A LOT of time to myself. Which isn't good. Sometimes I just wanna get high at least once lol but I'm​ winging it. I realized, I'm not that social without oxy! I'm fairly quiet. I don't like that. SEX!!!! I can't go past a good minute now. I had to research that and it's a side effect. But man my acute stages are long gone but all these after effects are crazy. I just knew if I can pass the physical withdrawal stage I had it down pack. LIE!!!!! What else should I expect?? Is there anything that gets you going again? I did some push ups lol I'm not familiar with PAWS.. I'm probably going through them.. I can sleep, I have energy, I'm just not motivated! I miss the "Get me going" part. That's it!!

  12. #12
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    It also amazes me how when I was on oxy I can go all day without eating. Now it's like I'm hungry all the time!

  13. #13
    Mikeski91 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by OffOpana View Post
    Congrats on your achievement! I am only off Oxymorphone for 7 days and dealing with PAWS.... any idea how long that lasts? I am half the man I used to be, weak, fatigued, can't sleep well, irritable, etc. Uhhggg any advice?
    Congrats on getting that far! I know Opana and oxycodone operate differently as far as the half life. But day 7 you should be about out of the worst part. By day 10 all physical withdrawal was gone for me! Keep it up!!

  14. #14
    dsh12345 is offline Senior Member
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    When I quit CT last year... what I thought would happen is 5-6 days of awful, then on day 7 wake up sunshines rainbows feel great. WRONG. The acute WD is over yes after 4-6 days, but then the energy/mood/motivation/sleep comes back slowly over the next 1-2 months. It's typical. You of course aren't feeling awful and lying on the couch there you are comfortable, but as soon as you get it it's just a struggle to move.


    I wasn't expecting that... wasn't mentally prepared for that. I was turning the corner by the 3 week mark in terms of fatigue/motivation/mood but maybe I was tired of being tired, or got overconfident now that I was coming out of the woods - so I said ok I'll just do like 3 5mg vicoding a day just to get my energy back and just quit off them CT easy.... WRONG. Full relapse.


    So, one thing I wish I knew about thta experience.... it's not the 4-6 days of acute WD that is the worst part, it is the slow recovery of energy/mood/motivation that takes 1-2 months to full really come back. Sleep too, is one of the last things to come back. And bvasically learn how to live life over again sober, as opposed to being high all the time.

    A lot of people mistake this for PAWS, but it is not true PAWS. It's retraining of your brain to be happy on its own, motivated on its own, etc because it doesn't have a bottle of artificial happiness in a bottle to rely on.


    Hang in there. You are almost out of the woods!

    I am currently on a suboxone taper myself. Quit full opiates a month ago, now I am on 0.75mg daily suboxone and going strong hoping to taper off. The first 2-3 weeks were no picnic... no mood/motivation/energy but turned the corner after that, now I feel great. Hoping the rest of the taper and the jump go well...
    Lvg nghtmare and Elcey like this.

  15. #15
    NikkiLP is offline Junior Member
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    Mike1966... there is a second period after acute withdrawls were our brains are trying to function. It is hell agreed! Paws occurs out of the blue usually with the lynar cycle. 30 days..60 days..all of a sudden all acute symptoms can reoccur. RLS belly issues..luckily this only holds true for a short time (few days) and only 5 percent suffer. I joined an IOP to learn Why I self medicate. I go to AA meetings to be around other people. I chose suboxone and am tapering per Roberts plan..grr need sleep myself. Be patient..your brain is coming back..yay. Nikki

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