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My story
  1. #91
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Longgone,
    Everyone is different.. I know I keep saying this but everything you are feeling is normal. Lost lonely depressed all normal. It's just a feeling sit still take a breath this will pass I promise you. Even those thoughts of suicide all normal.. Just don't act on them. Those feelings that we numbed for so long are coming back we are human it's normal to laugh to cry... Me to I wanted to know that magical number when it will all end couldn't find that manual we are all different but know this does get better I promise you. Stay positive keep your mind and body active til one day you'll just be going about your day...
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  2. #92
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Thanks Beef! Just trying to get through the gross broken feelings. My hubby told me today that I'm a horrible mother and wife. It makes me want to keep my subs appointment. I wont, but I haven't canceled yet either.

    Honestly the physical stuff isn't too terrible. It's the weakness, not wanting to participate in anything and just hide from the world that is the worst.

    I just want to feel better. I want to laugh. I want to spend time in my garden without dragging myself out there and I want the nausea to go away.

  3. #93
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Lvg.. you got it on the head. I want that number. I want to know the exact day and time that this is going to end.

  4. #94
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Yes, all I wanted to hear was "on day XX you'll be right as rain." Not the case. It's just a gradual process. You gotta keep fighting. It will get better. It's just gonna take some time. Try not to look too far into the future. Just get through today. Try to get out and do something every day. Believe me I know it feels impossible. But it will help. Get those endorphins moving. You're gonna have good days and bad days. But soon they're all gonna be good!!

    You're doing this!!!
    Keep on fighting!!

    I'm sorry the hubby put you through that. That's not fair. Just remember that you're doing this for them. You're a great mother and don't let anyone tell you different. If he hasn't been through it he can't understand it.

    Keep focusing on you. The rest will fall into place.
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  5. #95
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Longgone2008 View Post
    Lvg.. you got it on the head. I want that number. I want to know the exact day and time that this is going to end.

    I know right I whined and cried and moaned here what seemed like eternity..
    Really but everyone said the same things to me... Time... This too shall pass...
    And you know what they were right... So keep posting keep letting it all out til one day you'll be saying to the newcomer here lol...

  6. #96
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    And here it comes... the frequent bathroom visits. Ugh... I dry heaved this morning and cried on the way to work. Plus its freezing here!

  7. #97
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    My diet today has consisted of : premiere protein shake, water, blue machine, 10mg lexapro, flintstone vitamin, imodium and a clonidine I have left over from last time.

  8. #98
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Now let it go ha...
    This too shall pass...
    Your doing g great...

  9. #99
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Just reading horror stories on the net to pass the time because it drags....

    Has anyone here gone cold Turkey from oxy and been successful? Everything I have been reading is saying cold Turkey goers tend to relapse. What can I do differently this time?

  10. #100
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Just for Today...

  11. #101
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Hey longgone you’re doing great! Just like LVG said as time goes on things DO get better. I know it’s hard wondering all the time when this will be over but try and stay positive!

    Now on the CT oxy, I’ve CTed almost as many times as I have fingers. Oh how I wish i would made it work the first time. But as bad as relapse st nks, I’ve learned something each time. Something that has helped me get further the next time. I’m hoping and doing everything I can to make it work this time. I’ve seen people relapse many more times than me and I’ve seen people stop for good the first time. Be one of those! Don’t worry over what the internet says, take your own recovery one day at a time. Do whatever you have to do to stay clean. Change whatever you have to change. We’re all different and so are our recoverys. The member Catrina on here CTed from opiates, and she has 7+ years clean I think. It’s possible!!
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  12. #102
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    We are all the same an addict with a fatal progressive disease... Addiction...
    Some of us don't make it back from a relapse. What can you do differently this time... What are you doing differently this time. For me this addict I have choices today... Just for today I don't have to use! pretty Simple eh just don't pick up and use for 24 hours. Than when tomorrow comes repeat....

    Your doing amazing my friend...
    This too shall pass...
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  13. #103
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    I know I need to stop reading. To be honest I'm lucky this time around. The wds are not as horrible as before. I can force myself to function. It's the addict that is rearing her ugly head. Telling me to get some relief. It's time to pop that pill, etc...

    I talked to my mom tonight (shes a hard core addict) and she first scolded me for going cold Turkey then asked me if I wanted something to ease the pain. I flat out told her no. I dont want "anything". I know she was just trying in her own way to be helpful but you dont give the fat kid candy. Sheesh... I need to go back to my meetings, I haven't been in months. I'm just so ashamed. I feel like I let an entire group of people down.

    I tried to talk to a friend yesterday who knows my history and same thing. She got defensive and I got defensive and I had to walk away.

    The only people who understand are the people who have been through it and I am avoiding them because I'm embarrassed. Yeah... this sucks. So now I am going to take a nice hot bath and hope that tomorrow sucks a little less.
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  14. #104
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Well... I got the job!

    I will be 1 month clean when I start. So please tell me that I will feel better when I start. I know, I know, no one can tell but I have this urge to "know" if I will feel better a month out. It's been so long I honestly dont remember.
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  15. #105
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    As your reading all the horror stories remember some of us are clean living life...
    It's not all doom and gloom we all have to go threw the withdrawals but there is light at the end of the tunnel... Yup change people places and things. Sometimes it's hard when it's family but this is a fight for your life! No need to test yourself being around the garbage we know we have a problem with drugs eh. To early in recovery to be around harmful people places and things. No reason to be ashamed or feel guilty don't beat yourself up pick yourself up! You are worth it.

    Oh tomorrow will be a great day
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  16. #106
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    Yes by the time you have a month clean I think you will be feeling MUCH better physically! I felt physically fine after 2 weeks. The mental part and feeing tired drug out a little longer but you can do it! I worked throughout my withdrawl and I think it actually made it better. It got me up and got my mind off of things even if it was just for a minute. I know how tough it is for you right now, but relax. Read a book. Watch a good movie. Don’t sit on the couch and worry yourself.

    “It’s going to get better!”

  17. #107
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Why is this getting worse? I feel so horrible today. I feel like I'm going crazy.

  18. #108
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Morning Longgone...
    This is all normal try and stay positive what we think we feel...
    We have good days and bad days... Go back threw your thread I think you will see the pattern. This is a fight for your life....
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  19. #109
    OKC-26 is offline Member
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    “What we think is what we feel...” that is SO true.

    So, go take a hot shower. Drink a bottle of water. Try and eat something. Then get busy. Before you know it you’re going to feel better. Don’t sit around thinking about going crazy! Make today a good one!!!

  20. #110
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Ditto to both of those posts above. If you sit and think about how miserable you feel. Then you're gonna feel pretty miserable. It's just the way it is. Sorry. Get up. Do something, anything. I know it seems impossible. Really I do. But it will help. Get out of your own head. Get some protein in you, drink some water, go for a walk. You will feel better.

    Have I told you that I'm proud of you today?
    Keep going. It's only temporary. You will get better.
    Keep your head up!!
    Beef
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  21. #111
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Better today. Much better today. Day 6. Let's hope and pray they keep getting better.

    I slept most of yesterday. It's all I want to do today too. I took the day off of work and am just trying to get by.
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  22. #112
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Feel pretty good today except for any real motivation. I have no desire to do anything except lay in bed.

  23. #113
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Get up get in the shower... Get out of those sweaty pj's... Than your ready to just walk out the door.. You having to keep Moving...

    *I knew Cat's suggestions would come in handy*
    It works
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  24. #114
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Day 7. Most of the physical symptoms are gone. I still get cold, have anxiety, and can't sleep unassisted buf that's it.

    The biggest pain right now is the cravings. I want to feel better. One wont hurt. Its driving me crazy! I just want to be energized to clean my house, i want to sleep..... I wont. The temptation is there too but i wont.

    The sub doc texted me tonight with all the instructions for my apt next week. I haven't canceled yet. I need to go that.

  25. #115
    Fran421 is offline Member
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    Hi long gone,
    I have 6 days clean from subs. It's just a temporary fix and harder to get off of. You are well on your way to being free of opiates. You can do this. I have visteril for the anxiety. It's non addictive and can help. There are also medications like melatonin to help with sleep. Take a hot bath, have a cup of tea and try to relax. The longer you resist the cravings they will become less frequent. I know it's hard but taking subs is just trading one demon for another. I hope this helps.
    You can do this
    Fran

  26. #116
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Thanks Fran! I've been following your journey as well and I'm so proud of your progress.

    I canceled my appointment with the sub doctor today. I called and talked to my aunt and she shed a lot of light on the subject. She was a nurse in a rehab facility.

    I just want to feel better, have energy, stop being so cold and in pain all the time.

  27. #117
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Nice. I'm glad you canceled your appt. Subs are a whole other beast. I'll tell you just like lvg told me what seems like a million times during my detox. This too shall pass. Before you know it you'll be feeling better. All those pesky little symptoms are gonna slowly fade away and you'll just be living your life. I promise you it is worth it!! You are worth it!! Just keep doing the next right thing.

    Beef
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  28. #118
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    Do you guys remember how long the cold and chills lasted? I am freezing all the time.

    I am up and functioning today, somewhat slowly but still up. We have a birthday party to go to. I DO NOT want to go but it might make me feel better to get out. I actually got dressed today. Not the typical pjs all day and then bath and new pjs, lol. Motivation is so hard for me. I keep thinking if I just take one pill then I can clean my house and do laundry, then it's done. I wont. But it's the thought that keeps running through my head.

  29. #119
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    I don't remember the timeframe where mine went away. I do remember that slowly they started diminishing and then they finally weren't there. Just like everything in this journey it is very gradual. It'll take a few days but you'll notice that everything will slowly start to get better. The ones that lingered the longest for me were insomnia, rls, fatigue, depression and sneezing!!!

    Congratulations on getting dressed today!! That's a win in my book. Some people may think getting dressed is something easy. But we know better. Lol

    Keep doing what you're doing. Today is almost over. Stay positive!!

  30. #120
    Longgone2008 is offline Member
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    So far a pretty good day. Cravings were pretty bad for a while but I resisted. I just wish I would warm up... I'm so stinking cold all the time.

    I've noticed my knees hurting a lot. I dont know if it's part of the wds or if it's actually something going on. The worst is that I can't take any NSAIDS so it's just tylenol.

    Also the last few times I went through wds I was so foggy brained. I haven't had that this time so I'm hoping that it doesn't start.

    Here's to 9 days clean.

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