Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 68
Like Tree85Likes
My story
  1. #1
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default My story

    I guess I can start by saying. I never thought I would end up like this. I've been around heavy prescription drugs my entire life because my mother and father were both terminally ill. I guess my addiction started about a few yrs after selling pills only to help my parents make ends meet. I did this only because they asked me to and they were losing their home. I did this for yrs but never took them never enjoyed pain pills they made me so nauseated. Anywho I thought why are they making all this money when I could be doing the same and I went and got a script I knew I had bulging disc's. So got the script I'm making a **** ton of money. Anywho my sister ends up dying on the operation table for a simple procedure. That's when everything changed. I forced myself to become addicted. I saw the people who would buy them when they took them the seemed so chill like all their problems melted away. I wanted to be numb and it worked first I started a couple on the weekend. Like seriously 1 or 2 because they made me that sick to the stomach. Then eventually that wore off and I actually like that feeling they gave me. 5 yrs later my habit so bad I'm buying off the street my parents past away. I lost my home car everything. I had a job making 900_1200 a week plus extra income that totalled 1200. Now I'm sleeping in someone else's house. I've lost everything my family included. I tried to quit maybe twice before this last time by taking subs for a couple days just to get over the worst part of withdraw but this last time I needed to experience the whole process. I had a 200 dollar a day habit. It makes me so angry to know how much money I have wasted. Now I'm on day 8 being clean I had a minor slip took a pill at the beginning but after talking to my wife got back on track. Kids don't do drugs. I can't wait to laugh cry taste smell again. I've always had problems with panic attacks and general anxiety and depression, so none of that scares me. What took me so long to finally do it I just didn't want to deal with life.

  2. #2
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,192

    Default

    Hello Sodone, welcome to the forum. Congratulations on 8 days of being
    Clean. Keep up the good work life clean is so worth it. Keep reading and posting we are all here to support you through your journey...be well...
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  3. #3
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,192

    Default

    Hello Sodone, I see you have started multiple threads if you stick to one it will be easier for us to follow you to give you Support it gets confusing to try and follow your story..be well..
    Randy35 likes this.
    ***Stay Strong for Today***

  4. #4
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    3,302

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    Hello Sodone, I see you have started multiple threads if you stick to one it will be easier for us to follow you to give you Support it gets confusing to try and follow your story..be well..


    SoDone....I agree with Lvg, you started 4 other threads and that won't get you more replies, in fact the members get confused by that and will only post on one thread usually. It's ok, we know you're new here, and some of us did the very same thing because we are wanting help and wanting someone to "talk" to so bad. Just stick with this thread and let the others disappear into the archives.

    I too lost EVERYTHING I had including my friends, family, job, home, car, etc, etc, etc. But I never gave up trying to get clean. I'll have 4 years clean in July. I assure you if I can do it so can YOU! Just have to want it bad enough. Have to cut off all ways of obtaining drugs, including letting your doctor know so he/she won't prescribe them to you any longer.

    You now have 8/9 days CLEAN and that in itself is a miracle for an addict. Take it one day at a time. When symptoms appear fight the urge to reach for a pill because that's not the answer. I'm sure you've heard the saying....One is too many and a thousand are not enough. So true.

    We're here to help and support you through this. Take care.

    Randy
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  5. #5
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Thank you guys for your input. I will stick to one thread

  6. #6
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,123

    Default

    Hey Sodone, just posted to one of your other threads, and then this one popped up. Will just copy and paste what I wrote you so everything stays on this thread:

    "Welcome to the forums! CONGRATS on making the jump and your clean days as well. I get not wanting to get off the meds, took me years and years to finally do it myself. What matters though, is claiming your life back which you're doing right now. These forums are a great place for support, and as you rack up clean time might be worth looking into some face to face support as well, NA or AA meetings or one-on-one counseling. Just something to think about. Keep posting to let us know how you're doing, and hope you have a GREAT day!! "
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  7. #7
    Forceout is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    324

    Default

    Hello Sodone,

    Just stopped by to welcome you!! Congratulations on the decision to have everything you deserve in life. And you already have 9 days. Amazing accomplishment, my friend. I'm just ahead of you with 17. It gets better. I promise. The cloud starts lifting. The fog starts to clear!

    You will find this place to be a wonderful haven to get a load off of you by sharing it with others. I was so dang scared and alone when I got here and now i have all these friends to talk to. Who truly care. And they all have been where I am. Wow! What a blessing.

    Hang in there!!! And, again, welcome!!!!!'

    Forceout
    Beefaroni7272 likes this.

  8. #8
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Thanks for the encouraging words

  9. #9
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,766

    Default

    Welcome, and congratulations on what you have accomplished thus far! You are taking your life back and you should be excited! Things are gonna get better for you. W/D are brutal, no way around it. But staying hydrated and keeping a positive mindset is imperative on this journey. Bananas are your best friend also. Try to eat a protein rich healthy diet. I know it's tough but it helps. I can tell you that clean is way better. I'm still early on in my recovery (2.5 months off of oxy, then subs for 7 years total) but I feel better every day and wish I had found this place sooner. Everybody here is amazing and they will help you in any way they can. No judgements! Keep your head up. Post as much as you need to, get it all out. It really helps. Did I say to keep hydrated. Drink tons of water and Gatorade it helps to flush the garbage out of your system. And Imodium is your best friend. Liquid form take it as needed.

    Again, welcome to the forum!!
    Keep doing the next right thing!
    Beef

  10. #10
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    To be honest all I drink is Mountains dew. I just started to get somewhat of an appetite. I can feel my head getting clear, thought more provoke. I can't believe I wasted so much time soo soo soo much money. I just couldn't deal with the death of my sister. She was more than that she was a huge part of me. I feel exceptional well considering. I believe it's day 10 now. I have the muscle spasms and just general boredom still feel out of place. My stomach issues seemed to have improved within the last two days. I can't wait to see what comes next. I had a chance to get some subs denied it. I was a dealer small time first started weed then pills it was extra income anywhere from 1200-2000 extra a month. So imma always have contacts or whatever. So it's just always around my phone doesn't stop ringing...... Oh I got my job back I start in two weeks.

  11. #11
    Forceout is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    324

    Default

    Great that you got the job back and awesome on the day 10!!'!!

    That's big buddy!! Huge!!

    Sounds like a real good report. Just keep racking the clean days up however you have to do it. Take the long way home so to speak and avoid those old drug spots!!' It's a new way to live but what is the alternative???, Taking that garbage forever? No Way!!

    There is a way better life for you waiting and you're doing great!!!

    Forceout
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

  12. #12
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I can't wait to feel normal again. I feel like I'm faking the funk. Other than that I can feel my energy coming back slowly. It's been pretty tempting to get subs or norco it's just too easy of access. Gezzzzz. I think I'll be ok. I have to be. I would like to state hot showers have never felt sooooooo good. I mean these showers got me feeling some type of way. I wish I could stay in there all day. N music I swear loud music u to irritate my soul but I've been blasting Queen, Aretha, some good ole R&B even this newer rap. I forgot how much I love music. How much it can move you. I'm glad I'm here I'm glad I'm present I'm glad I'm done with that life.

  13. #13
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    1,766

    Default

    It just keeps getting better. Stay the course my friend. It'll be over soon. Keep your head up!!

    Beef
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  14. #14
    Forceout is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    324

    Default

    Hey Sodone,

    Yeah, the music...!!!!!!!
    I posted a few days ago how the depth of music and the range of sound was so awesome now! I love rock music.....all kinds and man, it sounded so different and "new" somehow. Just out of the blue I noticed that and more vivid colors. All that started In the first 2 weeks!!!!

    It's just one of an infinite number of ways we have been beat down and dulled by the meds.

    Another thing, try hard to box away all the past things that mess with you right now. Focus on the present and maybe tomorrow. The future is also something to go at a little bit at a time. I find something to be grateful for every day. If nothing else that I didn't take a freakin pill just to get out of bed.....omg. So crazy that was!!!!

    I know you are facing a lot of challenges. We all do. Just always try to do right. And realize it is a journey to a better life.....a new way to live. You deserve it!!!!'

    Hang tough!

    Forceout
    Beefaroni7272 and DravenDomnq like this.

  15. #15
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I just feel so out of place. I know my brain has to repair itself but gosh I wish it would hurry. I caN not wait to start work. I'm a Tow Truck driver not many women does this job. I miss it I'm really good at it I never been good at anything. Towing however I don't care where a car is at in a tree flip over in a ditch I can grab fast to. Maybe when I start back I have a routine and I feel normal. Right now I'm Stuck in a house all day long geez. It's so cold can't go for a walk or any outside activity. I wish I would've quit in the summer.
    DravenDomnq likes this.

  16. #16
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I can't believe I'll be at two weeks tomorrow. This is the longest ever.... It's a huge accomplishment for me. I know it's still early recovery. Really thinking about catching a meeting so I can stay on task. Tried downloading the big blue book online of course it was a catch. I would like to encourage anyone who is thinking about quitting just take the jump if needed speak with ur doctor before doing if you can tell one person what you're doing so you feel more accountable for your actions. Is withdrawal horrible ummm yes but we all had the flu and made it through fine some of us have the insane pain of childbirth and I had reconstructive surgery in my mouth on my jaw let me tell u there is no worse pain then mouth pain and I got through that. So to be honest it should be a cake walk considering what pain and discomfort we deal with daily.
    Randy35 and DravenDomnq like this.

  17. #17
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    3,302

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sodone80 View Post
    I can't believe I'll be at two weeks tomorrow. This is the longest ever.... It's a huge accomplishment for me. I know it's still early recovery. Really thinking about catching a meeting so I can stay on task. Tried downloading the big blue book online of course it was a catch. I would like to encourage anyone who is thinking about quitting just take the jump if needed speak with ur doctor before doing if you can tell one person what you're doing so you feel more accountable for your actions. Is withdrawal horrible ummm yes but we all had the flu and made it through fine some of us have the insane pain of childbirth and I had reconstructive surgery in my mouth on my jaw let me tell u there is no worse pain then mouth pain and I got through that. So to be honest it should be a cake walk considering what pain and discomfort we deal with daily.


    Congratulations! Well done! The 2 weeks is more than Awesome, it's life changing. Right?

    But I must say this to you, please be careful as this is a dangerous time for an addict. Life will definitely throw you a curveball, and when you least expect it to happen. In the past we would reach for that pill bottle or other substance. to get us through. Now you have to tackle any issues that pop up head on, just the way it should be. The BEAST will NEVER give up trying to get you back in it's grasp. That one pill is all he wants you to take because he knows that will ignite the powder keg again. That's why we take this One Day at a Time. You are doing Awesome....We are all so very proud of you!

    Stay Strong Just For Today!

    Randy
    Lvg nghtmare and DravenDomnq like this.

  18. #18
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I've have wreck my life I haven't begun to pick up the pieces yet. I haven't even looked at the pieces. I used only as an escape. Self medicating only to deal with severe depression and anxiety. So I know I have alot of work ahead I have to keep reminding myself one pill Is one too many it's a slippery slope. I had the same problem with alcohol in my earlier twenties. Thanks for the advice and I truly appreciate ur wise words.
    Lvg nghtmare and DravenDomnq like this.

  19. #19
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,123

    Default

    Hey Sodone, CONGRATS on 2 weeks. That's awesome! I get it about making the jump in the winter, I did as well, but you did it. That's all that matters! Even if you just walk around and stretch inside that will get the endorphins going and help in the long run.

    Your brain will adjust back to your new normal as well, just all part of the process to be a bit scrambled. Just keep at it, you're doing great!

  20. #20
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Can I please hear some success stories..... I'm at the beginning of two weeks and I still feel so out of place. Is this what life is like?

  21. #21
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    1,123

    Default

    It takes a while for our brains to re-adjust and to discover what our new "normal" is. This isn't what life will be like, it will keep getting better, just takes time to let our bodies and minds heal from our use. I remember for the first few weeks I had trouble even formulating words sometimes because I was so scrambled, but as the fog clears then everything will start to get better.

    As far as success stories, there are so many on here to provide inspiration. You can click on anybody that's left a love on your thread to see their profile and what thread they've started (their name should show up in blue) to see how far they've come, or just start reading random threads because it's almost guaranteed that you'll find positives in it to keep you going. I remember when I jumped I just read and read, it's what kept giving me the motivation to keep at it.

    You're doing great, just have to keep taking it one day at a time!

  22. #22
    ChiefChe is offline Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    492

    Default

    SoDone-

    I connected with you & your story from the jump. You have nothing to fear my friend because YOU are in control- you are the author of your very own success story & I give Thanks & Praises you are allow us to walk it with you.

    Even thou I am not exactly where I want to be- I have forever grateful I'm not where I used to be. This is your journey so you can make it look like whatever you want it to.

    You made that leap of faith & tgat is huge!! I know you know just how hard that is so I hope you can feel really feel that. The past is the past & as you work through every step you will gain the strength & the tools you need to untangle those knots. Right now you need to focus on knowing when to swim & when you need to just keep afloat.

    You know I'm a rambler do I'll try my best to state facts.

    Hot showers- YES! How do they say- Calgon take me away? The shower is the #1 place for meditation. When u zone out in there, that is what's happening. Keep doing it & send out all your intentions into the universe. Plant those seeds now & I promise they will grow. We will all be here to make sure they get water & sunlight. You will be amazed with the crop you will harvest in just a few moons.

    Music, double YES!!! Music is therapy. It has the ability to take you back to places & times that will foster your healing. You mentioned Queen! We all know bohemian Rhapsody- no truer words than: Mama I just killed a man- put a gun against his head, pulled the tigger now he's dead. Metaphorically this is what you have done. The old you is gone- time to create a new you. This is your rebirth my friend- how MF'n exciting is that? I am excited about that. Again, Thank You for allowing us to tag along.

    Face to Face meetings!! Yes, Yes, & YES!!! This will get you out of the house during this artic freeze & it gives you all the benefits of this forum in Real Life! Meetings definitely fall in the category of doing the next right thing

    Cuttin ties- you were the big man on campus with your side job. You violated rule #1 & got high off your own supply. Time to change your number. Hand yourself a no contact order & keep yourself honest & accountable here. Keep reminding yourself that in this new life opiates do not exist. Of course with this will come every curve you can imagine. You will be tested but as each day passes you will find the strength & tools to power thru.

    Really study the phrases that are stated over & over in this forum. Do the next right thing, Life in Life terms, Stay strong for today, 1 is 2 many a thousand is never enough, this 2 shall pass. Pick each one of these phrases up & look at them from every angle. Breath them in & see what they feel like for you. They are more than just words- they are a lifestyle. They are your tools.

    This is the time for you to live honestly & take accountability. Do not have remorse when you look in your past b/c what is done is done. Work on forgiving yourself. Everything happens for a reason & you did the best you could with the hand you were dealt. You have been given another chance to do "the next right thing" WOW!! Give Thanks & Praises for a second chances! Tomorrow is never promised so you only have Today & Today you can make it whatever you want.

    Geez- I am such the rambler. A rambler with a janky phone that loses battery power at the speed of light. I'll wrap 4 now but I will be stalking. Oops I mean watching & reading.

    Get excited my friend- you are doing what you once thought was impossible!

    ❤️

    Che

  23. #23
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I completely understand why people relapse in the first few weeks. It's so hard, feeling so out of place. You have no energy no drive in you. You feel so I guess flat so stagnant. Geez. Two weeks in I feel like all the physical things have dissipated. I do get glimpses of happiness and bust of energy here n there. I feel great physically but the mental is wearing hard on me. I'm staying strong though. I left the life behind the fast easy money the running here and there. Jumping hoops for doctors. I'm done and I'm free. Sometimes I have to take things one minute at a time. I might feel down right beat dissatisfied with the way I feel but the next moment I can find something funny like really funny and laugh like really laugh. My sense of humor is returning something I didn't realize I lost over the years. I thought those devil yellows made me so relax and funny, but actually I became very withdrawn Idk if because of the shame or the guilt because of what I was doing. I mean I sold these the to good people friends family good people at first I had no clue of the dope sickness and the addiction..... But years later I did understand exactly what I was selling people and I kept doing it for money to support my own habit. How shallow of me. I hope one day they can forgive me. I was a bad girl and I didn't care. This wasn't me I care about people. I help people. I became a monster I ruined my life in the process and this is what I have to go through to pay for my sins.

  24. #24
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Out of the huts of history’s shame
    I rise
    Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
    I rise
    I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
    Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

    Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
    I rise
    Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
    I rise
    Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
    I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
    I rise
    I rise
    I rise.

  25. #25
    ChiefChe is offline Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    492

    Default Still I Rise

    Just like Moons & like the Suns,
    With the certainty of Tides,
    Just like HOPES spring high
    Still I RISE

    Keep powering through my Friend. You are entering the flip flop stage. Some days good & others bad. You will want to hold onto every warm & fuzzies that make up the goods days so take it all in so you can recall it on those bad days to help you through.

    Trust in yourself & never let go of Hope.

    Keep the Faith,

    Che

  26. #26
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I think I'm at my 16th/17th day. Wow I can not believe it. I don't know if I ever said this but my wife also is doing the same she a day behind me. She's stronger than I am. She gives me strength and accountability. I have ruined her life I am responsible for this life for her. Damn I just realized that...... Thinking back yes it was me. I've been so consumed in me and other people's problems. The one who's stood by my side through thick and thin I forgot about. She hears me speak about the guilt I feel for other I feel I wronged and ruined their life I forgot about her. I gave her everything and I have lost it all and she's still here. I hope I am not a trigger for her I hope I am not the reason she would stumble. Geez.

  27. #27
    Forceout is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    324

    Default

    Hey Sodone,

    I am so dang happy for you, man!!! I can't possibly tell you all the reasons but you are a warrior!! This is a huge accomplishment!!'

    And I see you getting around the forum. It's like getting outside the house. Love it to see you doing good. Keep on keeping on, brother!

    Forceout

  28. #28
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    Forceout I'm a sister not a brother I just so happened to have a wife I tried a husband when I was younger but it wasn't the right fit for me. Thank you for your words. It's hard but I think with hard work I'll beat this.....

  29. #29
    GoodDaysAhead is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    96

    Default

    Hats off to you, Sodone! You should be proud of yourself for coming this far. You got this.

  30. #30
    Sodone80 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I need sleep....... Geez
    Lvg nghtmare likes this.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22