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MY STORY... and it’s still going,
  1. #31
    eazzye is offline Member
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    day 5 - I ACTUALLY SLEPT FOR 5 HOURS. no night sweats, no chills (oddly) just SLEEP.
    granted, i woke up a little earlier than i would’ve liked but i’ve never enjoyed sleeping more in my life.

    i’m still sneezing uncontrollably, and the back of my throat is sore (this may be due to something else, not sure)

    i actually cried last night for the first time in over a year and it felt GOOD, the medicine had me so numb i barely had emotions.

    lvg - i am on 2mg of klonopin twice daily for panic disorder/severe anxiety and 30mg of adderall once a day for my adhd (which i have only been taking half of since this all started).

    i honestly think the only way to go from this point is up, i work today from 12-6 and i am actually looking forward to my shift! last night it took my mind off of everything, even though the chills and shakes were definitely still there at that point.

    i sincerely appreciate every supportive post and comment, they really help me get through my day.

    - e
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  2. #32
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Eazzye you’re doing such an awesome job! I hope that today is better than yesterday, and that tomorrow is better than today. Keep your spirits up, you’ll need that confidence. Keep it up! Proud of you!
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  3. #33
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Congratulations on the 5 hours!!! When I jumped I was lucky to get 2-3. It gets better with time. I learned just to take it as it comes. I stopped watching the clock and just accepted that I may not sleep. If I couldn't fall asleep I'd pick up a book, or watch some netflix, or hop on here and find a good long thread and start reading. Bad night's are gonna happen, but they will become less frequent and eventually you'll be sleeping like a baby. Just give it some time.

    Ahhh the sneezing. I think lvg has the record for sneezes, although I think I'm a close second. It's crazy I know. I still sneeze every day. But looking back I'll take it so much better and tolerable now.

    Crying. I did the same thing, your emotions are all over the place now. I think I was watching the polar express and at the end I broke down. Cried my eyes out. Like a baby. Another time I saw some commercial with a father and son doing something, playing catch or something and that was all it took, waterworks. It's all normal, your senses are waking back up. Embrace it!! Buy a pack of tissues and enjoy a good cry. Very cleansing!!

    Keep up the good work!! You're doing so good!
    Beef
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  4. #34
    eazzye is offline Member
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    i was doing great this morning, went to work, and got through all but 30 minutes of my shift.
    my manager said “i looked very ill and should probably be in bed” i protested that i could finish out the last 30 minutes, but they sent me home anyway.
    my chest feels very tight and painful while at work, i’m guessing that’s the withdrawals...
    work thinks i just got over “the flu” which i guess in a way i did... but still, i’m so disappointed in myself for not insisting to stay those last 30 minutes.
    i feel like i failed.
    it’s day 5 of this hell, and yes it has gotten better, but i can’t lose my job. unsure of what to do at this point.

    -e
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  5. #35
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    Hi Eaz! Do the best you can do. I applaud you for at least trying to work while dealing with this. I went through withdrawals in a hospital and it sucked, so kudos to you for doing what you can.

    It’s scary, but many people have gone through it, so you’re not alone. I resorted to writing, journaling... very free-association stuff, mixed with doodles and diagrams I drew trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings during my withdrawals.

    God bless.
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  6. #36
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    You haven't failed. Far from it!! I had to work through my withdrawals and I know your pain. I used my thread as a journal of sorts. Posted almost everyday up to day 45 ish. Some days I just wanted to do nothing but working forced me to be active and productive and it took my mind off the pain I was going through. It will pass and get easier. I promise. Drink a ton of water/Gatorade, bananas are your best friend and lots of protein. Keep a positive mindset, keep your mind on anything else and active. You're doing great!! Keep it rolling. Fake it till you make it!!

    Beef
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  7. #37
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    You haven't failed. Far from it!! I had to work through my withdrawals and I know your pain. I used my thread as a journal of sorts. Posted almost everyday up to day 45 ish. Some days I just wanted to do nothing but working forced me to be active and productive and it took my mind off the pain I was going through. It will pass and get easier. I promise. Drink a ton of water/Gatorade, bananas are your best friend and lots of protein. Keep a positive mindset, keep your mind on anything else and active. You're doing great!! Keep it rolling. Fake it till you make it!!

    Beef
    i appreciate that and am trying my hardest to do so, but working with people all day is so stressful. is the tightness in my chest from the withdrawals? that’s my main issue that’s bothering me. the chills and night sweats are nothing compared to this chest pain.

  8. #38
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    I know that when I was tapering I had a similar feeling. Almost like a empty and heavy tightness all at once if that makes sense. I noticed it went away as soon as I ate breakfast everyday. I know another member who jumped named propilot had the same feeling. It will pass when your body adjusts. It's all part of the process. Just take it a day at a time

    Beef

  9. #39
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    I know that when I was tapering I had a similar feeling. Almost like a empty and heavy tightness all at once if that makes sense. I noticed it went away as soon as I ate breakfast everyday. I know another member who jumped named propilot had the same feeling. It will pass when your body adjusts. It's all part of the process. Just take it a day at a time

    Beef
    i am definitely taking it a day at a time.. tomorrow will be day 6. i was finally able to stomach some macaroni and cheese tonight, but not too much.
    the cravings are INTENSE, like i wish i could have a suboxone more than anything right now just so this pain in my joints will stop, but i’m not going to take it. that would be 6 days wasted, 6 days sober.
    the chills and shakes are back, yet not as intense. (thankfully)
    i’m just praying i can make it through work tomorrow.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-29-2017 at 09:37 PM.
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  10. #40
    eazzye is offline Member
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    also - i finally was able to gather the energy to go to the store and pick up the best multi-vitamin i could find, hylands nerve tonic, and some zzz quill.. hoping for some relief. i think i was desperately lacking vitamins. i guess we will see. hoping for the best.

    -e
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  11. #41
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello eazzye, racking up those clean days Woot Woot.. keep pushing forward it gets just alittle easier each day. Stay hydrated get up get moving it will help you. Have you checked into face to face support. It can be beneficial for you. Getting Clean and staying clean will hold you accountable. As you gain clean time you will know your True pain level right now your body is screaming for the drugs it once had. The brain is so powerful don't give in to that beast you are stronger than that little pill... keep up the good work...
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  12. #42
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Thumbs up

    day 6 - i woke up feeling somewhat nauseous, but no chills or shakes. slept around 4 hours last night due to the fact of me passing out on the sofa for 2 hours after i was sent home from work.(i guess i truly felt worse than i thought) but at this point i don’t care how bad i feel, it’s been 6 days i haven’t had to rely on a nasty orange strip to get by. IM in control. i rewarded myself with some shopping yesterday and boy did those endorphins feel amazing. i am continuing to take my “detoxify” natural supplements as well as dr. perricone’s full body supplements (they’re amazing) and also let two of the hylands nerve tonic tablets dissolve under my tongue when i’m feeling stressed. i’m determined to make it through my shift today, no leaving 30 minutes early. thanks again to everyone here for the kind words and support, don’t think i could go through this journey alone.

    -e
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-30-2017 at 11:24 AM.
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  13. #43
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    I would echo the supportive comments.

    Everyone has a path to recovery and no two paths are similar. This is day 9 for me and most of the early withdrawals are behind me. This is about the 7th time for me kicking subs. Last jump was over the summer and I have 60 days clean. Keeping your mind positive is definitely a plus and these forums can be life savers.
    They helped me many many times just reading them.

    Taking time off work helped me through the rough parts. And serisously give thought to those who are urging you to
    Drink water and Gatorade. As addicts, sometimes we forget to think of our body as a biological being. It needs to be fueled in the correct way.

    Please drink water and take Imodium. It has properties which bind to your stomach opioid receptors which will make your stomach feel better.

    Hopes and prayers and keep posting. Many of us choose this site because we cannot come out of the shadows for the very reasons you described.

    Cheers and the best of luck!
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  14. #44
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxheadrum View Post
    I would echo the supportive comments.

    Everyone has a path to recovery and no two paths are similar. This is day 9 for me and most of the early withdrawals are behind me. This is about the 7th time for me kicking subs. Last jump was over the summer and I have 60 days clean. Keeping your mind positive is definitely a plus and these forums can be life savers.
    They helped me many many times just reading them.

    Taking time off work helped me through the rough parts. And serisously give thought to those who are urging you to
    Drink water and Gatorade. As addicts, sometimes we forget to think of our body as a biological being. It needs to be fueled in the correct way.

    Please drink water and take Imodium. It has properties which bind to your stomach opioid receptors which will make your stomach feel better.

    Hopes and prayers and keep posting. Many of us choose this site because we cannot come out of the shadows for the very reasons you described.

    Cheers and the best of luck!
    thank you so much, and congrats on your sobriety!

  15. #45
    Randy35 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxheadrum View Post
    I would echo the supportive comments.

    Everyone has a path to recovery and no two paths are similar. This is day 9 for me and most of the early withdrawals are behind me. This is about the 7th time for me kicking subs. Last jump was over the summer and I have 60 days clean. Keeping your mind positive is definitely a plus and these forums can be life savers.
    They helped me many many times just reading them.

    Taking time off work helped me through the rough parts. And serisously give thought to those who are urging you to
    Drink water and Gatorade. As addicts, sometimes we forget to think of our body as a biological being. It needs to be fueled in the correct way.

    Please drink water and take Imodium. It has properties which bind to your stomach opioid receptors which will make your stomach feel better.

    Hopes and prayers and keep posting. Many of us choose this site because we cannot come out of the shadows for the very reasons you described.

    Cheers and the best of luck!


    Hello Max -

    I'm just curious about why this is about your 7th time kicking subs? How are you using them? Are you inducting correctly? Tapering correctly? Spending enough time on the subs? Getting any face to face support such as NA or AA?

    I was shocked by your comment and have never heard of anyone saying they've kicked subs about 7 times previously.

    Randy
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  16. #46
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hi Max - Congrats! Sounds like you’re doing the right thing, but I echo Randy’s inquiry.

    For me, I feel like my 10 years on Suboxone allowed me to change my behavior so drastically...I was such a pill head. Now, by no longer having the urges to swallow 20+ Percocet a day, I feel like I’m in a position to succeed.

    You know your body best, but for me...if I hadn’t tapered properly I’m almost certain that I would’ve surrendered to the beast.

    This is merely a representation of how I’m feeling today, and I’m not lost on the possibility that tomorrow may hold some surprises, setbacks, or hurdles.

    Wishing you well.
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  17. #47
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 10years39days View Post
    Hi Max - Congrats! Sounds like you’re doing the right thing, but I echo Randy’s inquiry.

    For me, I feel like my 10 years on Suboxone allowed me to change my behavior so drastically...I was such a pill head. Now, by no longer having the urges to swallow 20+ Percocet a day, I feel like I’m in a position to succeed.

    You know your body best, but for me...if I hadn’t tapered properly I’m almost certain that I would’ve surrendered to the beast.

    This is merely a representation of how I’m feeling today, and I’m not lost on the possibility that tomorrow may hold some surprises, setbacks, or hurdles.

    Wishing you well.
    don’t think i tapered properly, but i also wasn’t on them as long. your sobriety is so inspiring to me. i know i’m
    just on day 6 of this hell, but soon enough it’ll be a month, then a year. positive thoughts.
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  18. #48
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    To be honest, I probably haven't tapered correctly each time. The addiction in me refused to allow a taper as if I knew I had them around I would justify taking them.
    Each time trying to quit, I haven't really stopped calling a street dealer of sorts and would only kick around 8-10 days or so.

    I haven't gone about it conventionally as I don't know what that really means.

    I've never had them prescribed to me and I started taking them after a heavy OXY use (which was also not prescribed).

    Any positive words or insight helps me.
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  19. #49
    eazzye is offline Member
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    man me and you are in quite a similar boat, i abused oxy’s heavily for a long time.. i’m surprised i don’t have a hole in my nose. i was able to quit them cold turkey with the help of my parents and friends (a few years back) and about a year and a half ago was offered a sub after being told “it’s not a pain medicine so there’s no way you’ll get addicted.” and here we are today. i’ll never know why i was so naive and trusted people. neither were prescribed to me either. but if you’re already on day 9, you’re ahead of me as i’m only on day 6. your physical symptoms should (hopefully) be subsiding but because everyone has different metabolisms and such, that may not be the case. either way, 9 days is great man, keep up the good work and seriously try getting some natural supplements... i went out and bought loads of vitamins, hylands nerve tonic and a small bottle of zzzquil. i seriously think my body was missing the vitamins as i haven’t been able to each much, if anything. you can get through this. mind > matter.

    -e

  20. #50
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Hey, Max, you are many steps ahead of most people in your shoes. Just keep your chin up and know that you are in control. Addiction is so hard, and as you know the struggle continues even after you kick the drugs. Keep posting your progress on your thread! You got this!

  21. #51
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    E-
    Man I busted out a huge laugh about the "hole in the nose". Man me too.

    I've put so much >>>> up my nose over the years.
    I'm 43 and ex infantry. Crazy thing is I never touched a drug until I got out of the military.

    That was over 24 years ago.

    We all have to get on this spirit horse as they say in Young Guns. I am a believer in the pain of the sensors coming back can teach me something. I just hope they are good lessons.

    Keep us posted man and get your body moving!

    My wife has me taking down ornaments despite wanting to roll over and die. Ironically with the help of a little Pink Floyd it's helping.

  22. #52
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    Thank you so much for the encouraging words. It's people like you that keep coming back to help us "newbies" gain perspective.

    Many thank you's for doing that.

  23. #53
    eazzye is offline Member
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    made it through work tonight, had the occasional chill but nothing unbearable. i feel exhausted so i think i will sleep well tonight after soaking in a long hot bath bc of this dang aching joints. tomorrow is FINALLY day 7 and i have never been more thrilled, physical symptoms are supposedly start to end. either way i’m going to keep on keepin on, having my emotions back and not being a mindless zombie feels GOOD.

    -e
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-30-2017 at 10:53 PM.

  24. #54
    eazzye is offline Member
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    day 7 - i woke up multiple times last night soaked with sweat, i don’t understand, i thought this part was behind me but apparently not. i work all day today and actually have somewhat of an appetite, so i’ll take that as a positive note. btw, happy new year’s eve all! i finished my 7 day “detoxify” system and am not sure if the sweating may have been that doing its job or what, but no matter. yesterday i found that a 5 hr energy shot really helped me, along with my daily vitamins, etc. wish me luck today, it’s going to be crazy.

    -e
    Last edited by Anonymous; 12-31-2017 at 09:00 AM.
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  25. #55
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    E-
    First congrats on another day sober.

    Last night I had the same sweats and I've woken to day 10. I took some time to read other post threads this morning. There are so many people who HAVE beaten this. There's a person called "Cat" whose been clean over 7 years.

    Another person I read (Bear.. and I think he's posted to your thread) also had very encouraging things to say and I believe he's been clean several months now.

    The point is this, there are many many folks like the two of us who have used this site as therapy to get through the acute periods. They all inspire me to keep on the path and I hope you will go back and find their threads and read them.
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  26. #56
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxheadrum View Post
    E-
    First congrats on another day sober.

    Last night I had the same sweats and I've woken to day 10. I took some time to read other post threads this morning. There are so many people who HAVE beaten this. There's a person called "Cat" whose been clean over 7 years.

    Another person I read (Bear.. and I think he's posted to your thread) also had very encouraging things to say and I believe he's been clean several months now.

    The point is this, there are many many folks like the two of us who have used this site as therapy to get through the acute periods. They all inspire me to keep on the path and I hope you will go back and find their threads and read them.
    oh trust me, i have done the same. everyone on here is so inspiring and heartfelt. i fear i wouldn’t get through this without their strength. we will keep getting better man. the mental fog seems to have reduced a good bit today, which i’m quite happy about.

    -e
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  27. #57
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    It's empowering to not walk around chained to an addiction. For me, every time
    I've had clean time, it's the psychological war I've had to guard against. Like Bear said, sometimes we just have to accept the brain is changing. I just want (like every addict wants) to speed up the time. That is the hardest for me is trying to learn how to love and live a life without a mind altering substance.

    Like you, I have a great job and thank God I've had 10 days off to deal with this w/d.


    I'm hoping you stay strong man.
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  28. #58
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey e. Just like max said, congratulations on another clean day!! Keep racking them up. It gets easier I promise. Everything you're feeling is normal. You'll have good days and bad days, with the good ones coming more frequently and the bad diminishing until they're all good. It just takes time. It's such a gradual process that sometimes we feel like we're just spinning our wheels. But stick with it!! It gets better. Right around 3-4 weeks for me it was like I went back to day 5. Crushing depression and fatigue, chills the whole 9 yards. It lasted for about 2 days, but since then it has been good. A few speed bumps here and there but nothing unmanageable.

    It's a rollercoaster for sure. But don't get off!! Ride it out you'll be so glad you did. I'm proud of you!!! Keep it rolling!

    Happy new year!!!
    Beef
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  29. #59
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    Hey e. Just like max said, congratulations on another clean day!! Keep racking them up. It gets easier I promise. Everything you're feeling is normal. You'll have good days and bad days, with the good ones coming more frequently and the bad diminishing until they're all good. It just takes time. It's such a gradual process that sometimes we feel like we're just spinning our wheels. But stick with it!! It gets better. Right around 3-4 weeks for me it was like I went back to day 5. Crushing depression and fatigue, chills the whole 9 yards. It lasted for about 2 days, but since then it has been good. A few speed bumps here and there but nothing unmanageable.

    It's a rollercoaster for sure. But don't get off!! Ride it out you'll be so glad you did. I'm proud of you!!! Keep it rolling!

    Happy new year!!!
    Beef
    thanks man i appreciate it. somehow i made it through work today but when i got home was hit by extreme nausea, i can barely move without feeling like i’m going to yack. the chills have intensified and so have the shakes, not sure why this is happening unless i had this junk built up in my system..
    i guess i’ll attempt to eat something if this wave of nausea ever passes. jeez. day 7 isn’t a joke. (although i don’t think any of this is)

    -e

  30. #60
    10years39days is offline Member
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    Day 6/7 was one of my worst days. Not that it matters, but Day 8 was one of my better days...I hope you have a good turning point tonight. Either way, always remember that you are going to beat this. You’ve already accomplished so much...7 days is no joke! Keep stepping in the right direction!
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