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MY STORY... and it’s still going,
  1. #61
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    E-

    Checking in on you today. Hope all is well and that you've awakened to another day of sobriety.
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  2. #62
    eazzye is offline Member
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    yep, today’s day 8 and i’m sober as ever. didn’t get much sleep last night because of all the fireworks, and i’m noticing the rls issue more and more, although at first i didn’t. my nausea is gone, which i’m greatful for but my body temperature can’t seem to adjust itself because these chills are crazy. i can’t get them to stop, reaaalllllyy hoping they’ll stop soon and this nightmare is almost over. happy new year to all!

    -e

  3. #63
    ace_gman is offline New Member
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    Eazzye, I was not able to do what you are doing, but I’m clean 15 days now with no withdrawal symptoms. Here’s a brief summary of my journey, maybe it can help you too. I was an Executive VP of a Fortune 500 company, flew all over the world and had 1000 people reporting to me and I was addicted to Norco’s/ Subs then Norco again for the last 13 years. I tried quitting in the early years but with chronic back pain, flying to India, never sleeping (I had untreated severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea up to six months ago). If I tried to quit and got fired I’d lose a lot of money and I’m the bread winner in our family, wife and kid,
    I’ll skip the first 9 years on Norco part and jump to the 2-3 year suboxone stint. At first I thought subs was a miracle drug, I could take this small orang tab 2mg / day and not have to take 5 Norco 10/325 per day. Then like you I tried to quit. It was not planned but I flew to Italy for a two week Business trip, when I realized I had forgotten to pack my subs, I only had the three strips in my pocket, so I quickly devised a plan to stretch those a bit longer by only taking 1/2 per day, but 5 days in i was out and the WD’s as you know were intense. And I couldn’t sleep, sweats, chills, cramps etc and couldn’t let anyone at work know. I made it and flew home 7 days later. Told my wife I got the flew and took a few days off work. The WD’s were relentless and after 4 weeks of not sleeping and heart pounding in my chest and people at work were telling me how bad I looked I devised a new plan. I started back on the Norco! My logic was, quitting subs was insane and did research to find its easier to quit Norco than subs. The Norco made my wd’s go away I was taking 4 / day and when I was feeling “normal” again I decided to enact my taper plan.
    The plain is simple and was easy for me: 4 pills divided into 4 quarters = 16 quarters, the plan is to reduce your dosage each week by 1/4 pill. If you stay on plan it takes 16 weeks to be clean. Week 1, (days 1-7) you take 4 pills per day. Week 2, days (1-7) you take 3.75 pills per day. And so on and so on. Your 16th week you’ll be taking 1/4 pill per day. Don’t try to jump off early, I even extended it by a week where I crushed a 1/4 pill into powder and split that in half and would snort an 1/8 per day. This plan with good diet and exercise was almost withdrawal pain free. I had no diarrhea, no sweats, slept around 4-5 hours / night and had some heart pounding in chest but that’s it. I’m 15 days clean, and to be honest with myself, if I started to take Norco again it’s not for any other reason than to get high not because of WD’s. And I’m not going to make that mistake.
    I do not want to discourage your sub detox in any way, just want you to know with a 13 year addiction I was not able to do it, but found my path through a slow Norco taper schedule.
    PS those who are promoting on her drastic tapers of a pill at a time I find a little misleading the wd’s Are brutal that way.

  4. #64
    eazzye is offline Member
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    i appreciate your story man, and definitely know your struggle. before suboxone i struggled with oxycontin for years, and was able to kick that cold turkey. no tapering. just a week of pure hell and it was over. i’ve never experienced a type of withdrawal so drawn out like this and so relentless, but i will not turn back to any pain medication to ease me through this. vitamins and natural supplements will have to do. congrats on the sobriety!

    -e

  5. #65
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey e. I feel you on the chills, and rls. They're brutal and just seem to hang around. I'm a big guy and have always loved the cold weather. But during my detox the chills and cold weather were terrible. I could only imagine being winter. You're a champion. Just like everything give it some time. I would have chills all day and night. Then they slowly started to subside, every day a little less until they were all gone. It just takes time. (I know, Grrrrrrrrrr). For rls, you can try Hylands restful legs or long hot baths, or showers. I started taking a long hot shower every night before bed and it did help. I know it feels like it'll never end but I promise it will pass. Stick with it!! You're doing this!! And "Boy you should have known by now Eazy does it!"

    A little NWA for ya.
    Have a great day buddy
    Beef

  6. #66
    eazzye is offline Member
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    day 9 - it’s so cold here i can’t tell if i have the chills from withdrawals or the weather. was able to eat and sleep for a decent amount of time before waking up freezing. i feel like the mental part of the withdrawal process has definitely now started. i feel very lethargic, unmotivated and sad constantly, something i never was before. *sigh*

    -e

  7. #67
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello eazzye, all normal part of the process. I will say again have you looked into face to face support? Will help you cope with the mental journey. An addict alone is bad company. Congratulations on Day 9...
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  8. #68
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    Hello eazzye, all normal part of the process. I will say again have you looked into face to face support? Will help you cope with the mental journey. An addict alone is bad company. Congratulations on Day 9...
    lvg, i will definitely be doing that soon, my work schedule just hasn’t really allowed the time for it. i’m glad it’s keeping me busy though, kinda takes my mind off things. thanks!

    -e
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  9. #69
    Unicorn74 is offline Member
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    Hi E, congratulations on Day 9! I have never been on Sub but am back again for my second attempt at kicking the Norco dependence I developed, due to my own ignorance about opiates, as I’d never taken any before. I was prescribed Norco for Fibromyalgia pain 3 years ago. Didn’t understand why I was needing more and more, so I started doing research. After doing research I learned why this was happening and wanted nothing more than to rid myself of this $#@&!! In May 2016,!Went CT off 30 mg after tapering from 80mg and made it 5-6 months. My dad fell ill Thanksgiving of 2016 and had to start taking Norco again to take care of him, my body just couldn’t keep up or tolerate the all-night not sleeping, ER visits, hospitals, tube feedings, etc. I knew what I was getting myself into.

    Now, I’m back in the same place. Tapered down from 100mg Norco to 32.5mg, over the last 6 months. I made a decision to get off completely just 3 weeks ago and it’s getting hard the lower I go.

    You’re doing so great!! I applaud you for sticking to your guns and taking your power back! How did you get off Oxy before? Did you go straight to Subs?

  10. #70
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey e. Just like lvg said it's all normal. Just tAke it slow and one day at a time. It will pass. You're doing great!!! Keep it rolling!!

    Beef
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  11. #71
    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Oh E there's always time in our busy lives to work on our recovery. If we are healthy all the people around us will benefit from it ya know. Make some time try it what do you have to lose one hour it might be all you ask for. Keep up the good work..
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  12. #72
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unicorn74 View Post
    Hi E, congratulations on Day 9! I have never been on Sub but am back again for my second attempt at kicking the Norco dependence I developed, due to my own ignorance about opiates, as I’d never taken any before. I was prescribed Norco for Fibromyalgia pain 3 years ago. Didn’t understand why I was needing more and more, so I started doing research. After doing research I learned why this was happening and wanted nothing more than to rid myself of this $#@&!! In May 2016,!Went CT off 30 mg after tapering from 80mg and made it 5-6 months. My dad fell ill Thanksgiving of 2016 and had to start taking Norco again to take care of him, my body just couldn’t keep up or tolerate the all-night not sleeping, ER visits, hospitals, tube feedings, etc. I knew what I was getting myself into.

    Now, I’m back in the same place. Tapered down from 100mg Norco to 32.5mg, over the last 6 months. I made a decision to get off completely just 3 weeks ago and it’s getting hard the lower I go.

    You’re doing so great!! I applaud you for sticking to your guns and taking your power back! How did you get off Oxy before? Did you go straight to Subs?
    naw i didn’t, i quit the oxys cold turkey and then stupidly started taking subs bc i didn’t think they were pain pills or addictive but fml bc i sure was wrong. i’m thankful i made it through work tonight with less chills then usual despite how cold it is outside. tomorrow is day 10 and i’m really hoping the physical part of this is OVER.

  13. #73
    eazzye is offline Member
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    DAY 10 - wow i never thought i’d get here, and honestly don’t think i would have without the help of all the kind people on this forum! i slept for 6+ hours last night, work really has been exhausting me lately and i’m not mad about it at all as long as it allows me to sleep. physically, things have improved greatly (i even think i’m craving fast food) haha. i guess this is the mental part of this, besides the SNEEZING. will that EVER end? i feel like i’ve come out of a deep fog that i’ve been living in, sensations are different and i’m actually getting to know myself before drugs. this in itself brings me great joy. i joined or should i say rejoined the gym so that i could get these toxins out of my body even faster. being sober feels great.

    -e
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-03-2018 at 09:02 AM.

  14. #74
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    E-

    Congrats on double digit days!!
    You are doing such a terrific job. I know how hard it can be to stop the cycle. As Beef says "The monster is always hungry." Yesterday nearly ended my sobriety but this site saved me.

    Keep posting! I love to read about your progress.

  15. #75
    eazzye is offline Member
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    alright alright allllllriiiight so it’s day 11 and i’m starting to actually feel like myself again, i know i said that before, but it’s been a heck of a lot better. i’ve come to find the constant sneezing quite funny, and i’m pretty sure my chills are because it’s like 25 degree’s here; not from withdrawals anymore. i’ve been taking A LOT of vitamins and getting A LOT of smoothies because occasionally it can still be hard to stomach an entire meal. i feel like i probably need to stretch out my stomach again, which will happen in due time. i do have a doctors appointment today to get my normal medications refilled and i’m sure he will notice my weight loss (if he even cares that much, we shall see) but hey i’m 11 days sober, and yesterday i was shouted out on our local radio station for being good at my job, the endorphins from hearing my name and story the guy talked about were AMAZING, who needs drugs?! i just honestly wish this cold would get outta here, i’m from the south and we aren’t used to this at all, then i’d be able to tell what these chills are really from. anyway, i plan to keep on keeping on, it can only get better from here.

    -e
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  16. #76
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Platinum Member
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    Awesome update e. Congratulations you're doing amazing. And a shout out on the radio. You're a celebrity now! Can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you!!!

    *Can I have your autograph now that you're a celebrity?? Gotta remember us little people??*

    Beef
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  17. #77
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefaroni7272 View Post
    Awesome update e. Congratulations you're doing amazing. And a shout out on the radio. You're a celebrity now! Can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you!!!

    *Can I have your autograph now that you're a celebrity?? Gotta remember us little people??*

    Beef
    honestly couldn’t have done it w/o all the support man; i appreciate you and your constant postiveity SO much.

    -e

  18. #78
    eazzye is offline Member
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    L O L at that doctors appointment... he was like “why are you sneezing so much? allergies?” i said “oh it’s my sinuses.” had a good laugh when i got in the car, just knowing i’m sober makes it funny to me. the sneezing anyway.

  19. #79
    GratefulNotDead is offline New Member
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    Hey EZ, and everyone on this thread. I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for sharing your incredible advice, well wishes and stories for those of us in this situation. I took my last dose of 1mg sub on 12/30 after gradually tapering from 8mg I was on for 2 years prior to a pretty nasty roxy habit I picked up after the death of my father over tens years ago. Oddly enough, the death of my brother at 42 yrs old two years ago was the catalyst to get clean.and could not have done it without reading your stories of strength and preserverance. It has been many years since I’ve felt like myself and now colors, scents, tastes, and a feeling of strength and pride has returned to my life. I know it’s still early (and in the morning) but today was the first day I woke up after a full night sleep not drenched in sweat (I’m so grateful because I’m in New England and it is FREEZING!) I woke up yesterday and flushed the remaining three subs I had (for emergency) but you guys kept me positive, so I knew I wasn't going to need them anymore. I already feel like I’ve stepped out of the self imposed cage I put myself in ove a decade ago and I’m ready to start my life TODAY. I just have to contend with the blizzard we got hit with last night. So at the risk of droning on about myself, Eazzye, your story really inspired me and I will truly forever be grateful for everyone who posted their great advice of perseverance and true kindness. Even though you weren’t addressing me personally, I still sort of feel you were. Here is to 2018 being the year truly great things happen.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 01-05-2018 at 06:46 AM.
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  20. #80
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    Grateful-
    Welcome! This site is really amazing and so full of upbeat positive people who have remained clean. They are a beacon of hope to us all.

    Your story touched me about your brother.

    Last New Year's Eve, I lost my cousin to >>>>>>e. He O'D a few hours after leaving my house. I loved him like none other. The pain of our existence was numbed by opioids and we were very much co dependent on one another. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of him. I try my best to be very active in the lives of his children. It's tough to see them knowing they will no longer have him in their lives. I have gone to therapy over my grief and am still working through the choices I made which helped him down that path of death. You see, we were supposed to share that bag. He asked me to split it. At that point I had only tried H a couple of times and both were with my cousin. So I said "sure ". He left my house to get it and did a line before he got back. I kept calling him and calling him but he wouldn't answer. The next morning the cops found him still buckled in to his car.

    His addiction SAVED me. Had he come back with it, I would have found the same fate as the H was really nearly pure fentanyl.

    Addiction had come home hard and took my lovely cousin. It is still HARD to deal with and this is the first time outside of counseling I've actually talked about it in this detail.

    I want you to know I am now 15 days clean. I have great hope that if I continue to post here that I will stay on that path. I will not let his death be for nothing. Not this time.

    I wish I could reach through this phone and give you a hug man. I understand your pain. I am 100% here for you just as others are and this forum saved my addiction from rearing its head the other day. I hope and pray you can continue to find the strength and peace you deserve. And to find it with a clear mind and pure heart.

    I hope today is awesome for you.

  21. #81
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by GratefulNotDead View Post
    Hey EZ, and everyone on this thread. I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for sharing your incredible advice, well wishes and stories for those of us in this situation. I took my last dose of 1mg sub on 12/30 after gradually tapering from 8mg I was on for 2 years prior to a pretty nasty roxy habit I picked up after the death of my father over tens years ago. Oddly enough, the death of my brother at 42 yrs old two years ago was the catalyst to get clean.and could not have done it without reading your stories of strength and preserverance. It has been many years since I’ve felt like myself and now colors, scents, tastes, and a feeling of strength and pride has returned to my life. I know it’s still early (and in the morning) but today was the first day I woke up after a full night sleep not drenched in sweat (I’m so grateful because I’m in New England and it is FREEZING!) I woke up yesterday and flushed the remaining three subs I had (for emergency) but you guys kept me positive, so I knew I wasn't going to need them anymore. I already feel like I’ve stepped out of the self imposed cage I put myself in ove a decade ago and I’m ready to start my life TODAY. I just have to contend with the blizzard we got hit with last night. So at the risk of droning on about myself, Eazzye, your story really inspired me and I will truly forever be grateful for everyone who posted their great advice of perseverance and true kindness. Even though you weren’t addressing me personally, I still sort of feel you were. Here is to 2018 being the year truly great things happen.
    this is what i love to hear, and i’m so sorry for your struggles but i sincerely can relate. i was the only person in my ENTIRE family (cousins, etc.) who got addicted. i was that person. the “black sheep” if you will. and THEY ALL knew and nobody did a thing. i think they thought it was just a phase i was going through... i forgive them for that. nobody knew how hard i was truly struggling. but i’m on day 12, and i’ve honestly never felt better. i’m taking it a day at a time like the inspiring, amazing people on this forum say to do. i know i’ll make it. thank you for your story and support and i’m very glad i could inspire you.

  22. #82
    GratefulNotDead is offline New Member
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    Max and E,

    Well now I’m a big crybaby after reading your responses and I know we haven’t met, but I will remember you both as friends forever. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your cousin Max. it’s amazing how closely related our stories (and countless thousands of others) really are. My brothers death was awful but it’s allowed me to take a much larger roll in my niece and nephews lives. Tragedy really has a way of either knocking you down or kicking your ass back up and it sounds like we’re all on a positive trajectory.

    And E, from one black sheep to another, I admire you for the forgiveness you show your family. Different circumstances may have made us use but in the end they are the only ones we really have. Hold onto everyone of them while you can!

    Peace!
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  23. #83
    10years39days is offline Member
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    This thread is ocean deep today. Wow. Despite all of this tragedy (death, disease, fractured relationships, and other forms of loss), we all share a common interest. We are taking control, facing the beast head-on, and attempting to help ourselves and others in the process.

    What we are doing is so amazing. I can't prove it yet...but some of you have inspired permanent change in my life. I actually believe that with every bit of my heart.

    You guys are awesome.

  24. #84
    Sharon541979 is offline New Member
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    Default Good for you!

    Keep doing what you're doing-so proud of you
    !I know it is hard
    -how did today go?
    Just keep talking to us, please BC we all want to know how you are doing.
    When you look back at this withdrawal you will see it was all worth it!!
    Sharon

  25. #85
    Sharon541979 is offline New Member
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    Default withdrawal

    How are you doing now?

  26. #86
    Sharon541979 is offline New Member
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    Default Good for you!

    Keep doing what you're doing-so proud of you
    !I know it is hard
    -how did today go?
    Just keep talking to us, please BC we all want to know how you are doing.
    When you look back at this withdrawal you will see it was all worth it!!
    Sharon

  27. #87
    eazzye is offline Member
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    today actually went great for me! i only had the chills once at work! new record! and i was upbeat and in a great mood all day, which really helped me mentally. my joints are aching though and i seriously notice it at work, but warm showers help. the mental fog seems like it is starting to clear and i’m becoming my old self, which feels great.
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  28. #88
    GratefulNotDead is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by eazzye View Post
    today actually went great for me! i only had the chills once at work! new record! and i was upbeat and in a great mood all day, which really helped me mentally. my joints are aching though and i seriously notice it at work, but warm showers help. the mental fog seems like it is starting to clear and i’m becoming my old self, which feels great.
    That’s so great to hear! Today was an official week for me and I honestly feel really great. Whatever small discomfort I may experience from time to time is all worth it to me because I can actually feel again. Good or bad, I missed emotion and pain, and I’ve definitely turned the corner I’ve been hoping for. For the last several years I’ve been a shut in and recluse, only leaving my house for work, and other obligations that I dreaded due to the social anxiety I was facing. I remember sweating through my suit at my brothers funeral when anyone would approach to “chit chat” which would drive me crazy because the last thing I wanted to do was BS with someone and try to act like I wasn’t dying inside (and my drenched head wasn’t fooling anyone either). Now I’m starting my social life over again. Starting slow by reengaging the friends I let fall by the wayside. They were always there for me but my hesitance to reconnect and tendency to push them all away didn’t make them stop caring for me so I’m grateful for that. It’s a wonderful thing to know there is a community of people like ourselves who don’t even know each other, yet we probably know each other better than anyone. I don’t know if I’d be able to tally up 7 days sober without you all, but I know I’ll be alright now. Thank you for sharing and/or just reading this. It really helps.
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  29. #89
    eazzye is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by GratefulNotDead View Post
    That’s so great to hear! Today was an official week for me and I honestly feel really great. Whatever small discomfort I may experience from time to time is all worth it to me because I can actually feel again. Good or bad, I missed emotion and pain, and I’ve definitely turned the corner I’ve been hoping for. For the last several years I’ve been a shut in and recluse, only leaving my house for work, and other obligations that I dreaded due to the social anxiety I was facing. I remember sweating through my suit at my brothers funeral when anyone would approach to “chit chat” which would drive me crazy because the last thing I wanted to do was BS with someone and try to act like I wasn’t dying inside (and my drenched head wasn’t fooling anyone either). Now I’m starting my social life over again. Starting slow by reengaging the friends I let fall by the wayside. They were always there for me but my hesitance to reconnect and tendency to push them all away didn’t make them stop caring for me so I’m grateful for that. It’s a wonderful thing to know there is a community of people like ourselves who don’t even know each other, yet we probably know each other better than anyone. I don’t know if I’d be able to tally up 7 days sober without you all, but I know I’ll be alright now. Thank you for sharing and/or just reading this. It really helps.
    i’m so proud of you man and once again, i’m so sorry it took a tragic event to realize the way your life was heading. sometimes god makes things happen in our lives, and only he knows why. i was the same way, i wouldn’t leave the house except for work and i work in a very social environment.. i actually ENJOYED work yesterday and i’m looking forward to it today. 13 days sober, no cravings, no chills, but i still sneeze so much i’m starting to wonder if i actually have a cold. LOL.
    i found that throughout these days, music REALLY helped me get through the worst parts. i’d thrown in my airpods, zone out, and take my mind off that nasty stuff. keep up the great work.

    -e

  30. #90
    Maxheadrum is offline Member
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    Eazy-

    You are so positive and it's rubbing off on me. Your thoughts are spot on my friend. Black sheep or not, I think you are doing an excellent job! Keep it up!

    You know, I've had to endure so much loss to get to this point. I hope and pray that the suffering stops. If someone, anyone can read the messages on this forum, I sincerely hope they can realize
    They don't have to suffer and they don't have to use anymore. We are making a stand and telling our addictions that we are taking back what is rightfully ours. We are steadfast in our resolve to never again pick up a substance to "feel".


    I hope today is terrific for you!
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