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My story of successfully conquering Lexapro & benzos
  1. #1
    highpotency is offline New Member
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    Default My story of successfully conquering Lexapro & benzos

    Hello guys, I'd like to shed light on my experiences and what I am currently going through and what I have conquered in my life the past few years. First of all, I was on lexapro for 4 years, my doctor put me on it because I was having back pain (due to lifting weight wrong, having bad posture, and sleeping on an unforgivable mattress) and was going to be going to college soon. I really just wanted something to take for the pain itself, so I could have no pain while I exercised myself back into good health. Anyways, it took 4 weeks for the lexapro to kick in, then I was feeling a whole lot more happy and confident, a lot of the anxiety due to my back pain subsided. But then, about a year and a half into my college the back pain came back with a full on "WHAM" and it was more intense then before, my doctor requested I change meds or up my dosage, but I felt like this was just gonna get me even more addicted and I thought a lot about my future and didn't want to continue that. So, I stayed on my 10mg dosage. Needless to say, everything got much worse. I had to quit school after 2 years, I couldn't bare to be around people, and I couldn't sit in a chair without my back KILLING me. I spent another year going to a spiraling slope, to the point to where I felt like an emotional zombie. I couldn't feel happiness, I was angry at EVERYTHING. I took my anger out on some innocent animals, then it got to the point to where I wanted to kill myself. I put a gun down my throat 4 different times, at one time I shot the gun off into the air right past my head just so I could feel the power of being able to end my life.... I never actually went through with the suicide because I couldn't let my family deal with that grief and sorrow for the rest of their lives, and also being a Christian I knew God doesn't want anyone to end their lives, but to endure through times of struggle. My gf began to hate everything I was becoming, our relationship turned to pure poop. Then that year I decided I had enough and was going to take myself off the pill. At first I cut it in half expecting that that was ok, but let me tell you, that was the worst decision I ever made. I didn't consult my doctor and didn't do any research. I immediately began to go into a form of shock I'd say, my brain began "zapping" and my body followed suit. It felt as though electricity was running through me, along with no ability to comprehend or process any information in my brain. My body was going on full shutdown. I immediately went back to my 10 mg dose, then proceeded with doing MAJOR research online. I read thousands, I MEAN THOUSANDS of horror stories online of people going through the same thing, wanting to die, but NOT ONE PERSON HAD EVER SUBMITTED A STORY OF SUCCESSFULLY COMING OFF LEXAPRO. So, I dug deeper and found that in order to come off a SSRI you must cut your dose by 1 MG every 4 weeks. I was disgusted at this. For my doctor originally wouldn't give me pain pills because he claimed they were addicting. Yet I've been able to kick opiates multiple times after being strung out, and only withdrew for about 3-7 days tops. With lexapro at 10 mg, this is about a 1 year withdrawal. I was so disgusted at our society and our doctors who we put faith in everyday. Anyways, I began the SLOW taper. After a long and miserable 36 weeks I was down to 1 mg. Then I tried to stop and my body got SUPER PISSED at me. I decided to get a new doctor, who recommended I see a councilor while I made this final jump. I did research on a product called 5-HTP (which does cross the blood brain barrier) and asked them both if I could take this in replace of the 1 mg lexapro. They both recommended it was a good idea, but never initially suggested it until I brought it up. I bought the stuff instantly and began taking it along with changing my diet immensely. I actually even chipped down the 1 mg to dust before I actually fully pulled myself off it, then once off, I switched to 5-HTP once per day along with eating super clean and healthy. I drank a lot of hemp milk, and avoided ALL unnatural sugars, caffeine, and carbonated drinks. The first week to 2 weeks were somewhat hard, but then I began to slowly come out of it and by weeks 3-4 I started to feel a huge change. By then end of week 4 I completely cold turkey dropped the 5-HTP. For the first time in my life, I was off lexapro, and not going through withdrawals. Over the following 30 days I began to see a HUGE change in my life. Incredible amount of positive energy, no more anger, no more suicidal thoughts, and I was able to think clearly for the first time in 4 years. However, the back pain still stayed with me, and has never gone away since. I'm slowly working on recovering my back everyday, by avoiding sitting (I'm a professional in the IT world, so sitting was my life always at a computer, I changed that habit and now stand at my work station), I also go on daily walks and do many abdominal work outs and target my psoas muscle. Fast forwarding 6 months (just 6 weeks ago): I began to experience stress in my life once again, mainly due to work related issues. I began having full blown panic attacks to the point to where my heart was beating 180-200 beats per minute, shaking/shiver so hard, and full on sweat. This went on for a few days, each time lasting up to 2 hours, to the point to where I thought I was going to die. My cousin, who didn't want to see me suffering and possibly about to lose my life from a heart attack, brought me out 15 xanax (half his monthly dose as he only takes them when necessary). I took a half of one during my last FULL panic attack, and immediately got relief. I felt 100% better. However, my addictive personality took over, and I began to take .125 mg (1/8th of the 1mg football xanax) everyday every 8 hours to help control this stress I was going through. I didn't want to have another panic attack. Then 3 weeks went by and I needed to take a bit more about .5mg per day, or .25mg at a time. Then I began to do research. I realized I was at the point of already being addicted to another drug. I couldn't stop though until my job problems subsided, as I couldn't deal with the stress. I took it for another week, 4 weeks total, then I posted on the forum a plan to help me get off of the pills, also I was out of xanax so I had to switch to Ativan. My plan was to switch from xanax to ativan, then from ativan to Valium, as according to the research I did, valium is much easier to withdrawal from. The ativan, was horrible, it did help with the anxiety, but I needed to dose a lot more often, and it made me feel very different than xanax made me feel. It was almost like I felt like a ghost sometimes, and almost like I had a cold (sore throat, increased pain, etc). I took it for 2 weeks, then said "screw this" and switched to valium. I used the online benzo dose calculator to make sure I had the proper dose. This was yesterday 11/29/2014 that I made the switch. Immediately I felt the best I've felt in a long time. I felt very relaxed, clear headed, and able to make rational decisions without even thinking of panic. Due to valium's long lasting effects (ativan/xanax being very short acting) I was able to only dose 2x yesterday. Today I woke up at 5:30 am in pool of sweat and shivering, as I'm probably pushing out the ativan in my body, and should of redosed a couple hours earlier, but I was in a deep sleep. I took my 2.5 mg dose this morning at 5:30 am immediately under the tongue, and within minutes was feeling much better. I went online to read stuff (I'm crazy about reading posts). I felt it was necessary to write this forever long statement in hopes it would enlighten someone in their time of trouble. The plan is to reduce my valium dosage every 7-10 days at 25% per drop until I'm off the Vals, as I'm currently out of my job related stress. I've been on benzos for 6 weeks now, am kind of afraid of having seizures which is why I went online today, but I think I'm 100% fine. My recommendation for everyone who reads my story is to NEVER EVER EVER go on ANY SSRI antidepressant, I don't care WHAT your excuse is, all your going to do is destroy yourself and end up eventually going through HELL. I've kicked H. before (have never went back to opiates in over a year), and must say it was 100000 times easier than getting off lexapro, even after using it for months in a row. The doctors and pharmaceuticals really know how to sell you, they don't care about our lives, they want us dead or they want to control us and take our money at the same time. As for benzos, they are just as dangerous if not MORE. So take caution when using them on a daily basis, try not to go past 3 weeks if you can. Ideally take them only when having a panic attack. Well that wraps up my super long story. Thank you all for listening, I think I will make my own post here on the forum with this entire statement of my life God bless each and every one of you, and may you all find peace, wisdom and inspiration in your struggles through life!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 11-30-2014 at 09:53 AM.

  2. #2
    highpotency is offline New Member
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    The 2nd to last line doesn't make sense I know, the msg was originally in response to another post :P disregard " think I will make my own post here on the forum with this entire statement of my life"

  3. #3
    NeedLifeBack is offline New Member
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    Congrats! Glad you made it.

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