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Need help finding the motivation to quit, I feel I've lost a lot of will.
  1. #1
    rxfrixian is offline New Member
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    Oct 2017
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    Default Need help finding the motivation to quit, I feel I've lost a lot of will.

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first post on this forum. I'm pretty nervous as I've never really put myself or my problems out there like this, but I think I'm fighting a battle impossible to win on my own. My issue is that I want to be clean more than anything in the world. It puts an immense constraint on every aspect of your life and I can logically assess that it's something that needs to be completely removed. Despite this desire, it seems that over the years, my will to be clean has become less and less. I used to be able to take a couple weeks break or at least hold out longer than a few days when trying to detox. Now it seems that as soon as I come off I start to panic, I'm just so worried about life after drugs. I'm worried about whether I'll still be likable, energetic, good at my job, etc. It feelsl ike it has become a part of who I am and that terrifies me. I've been using for about 7-8 years. I've tried to detox countless times and have had a 6 month streak as my only sober time. I'm leaving for a trip to Japan in a weeks time. I'm planning on stopping everything cold turkey about 4-5 days before the trip to get through the physical portion, and I'm going to utilize this trip as a sobriety mechanism for the PAWs aspect. I'm coming off of about 120-150 mg a day of roxy snorted. I have a couple suboxone I'm going to utilize for the really tough part. I'm not bringing any drugs with me overseas so I won't be able to get anything. I know I can do this and last the two weeks I'll be there, the part that worries me is coming home and staying sober. I always manage to talk myself into thinking I'm smart enought to control it. What I'm worried about is whether or not I've done brain damage to myself? I've felt so much more inspired in the past to be sober, and despite all the terrors it has brought to my life, I still feel like this break of sobriety is temporary and I NEED TO CHANGE MY MINDSET. I don't know how to do this. If anyone has come out of a situation worse than this, your story may be inspiring to me. I'm just so scared that I'll never feel normal again. I'm just so worried that I'll relapse from something stupid. More than anything my resolve as a human wants to be sober but my body and mind tend to feel otherwise. I apologize for the wall of text and I accept any advise given. Thanks!

    P.S. I've tried methadone maintenance and it's the same thing to me as being on Oxy. I can't deal with the side-effects either. I don't think it's the right thing for me but I would prefer it over living a dysfunctional life. Are some people just way too much of an addict to ever be completely sober? Are some peoples only hope a maintenance program?

    - Frixian
    Last edited by Anonymous; 10-08-2017 at 05:12 PM.
    Catrina and UncleLeo like this.

  2. #2
    Beefaroni7272 is offline Advanced Member
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    Sep 2017
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    Georgia
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    Hey rxfrixian. Welcome to the forum. First off don't be worried. There are so many great people on this website who will help you through this. Secondly it sounds like you have a great mindset and are ready to do this.

    A little about me. I was hooked on oxy 240-300 mg a day for roughly 3 years. When I had enough I packed up and moved to GA to get away from it all. I started suboxone "therapy" but my doctor prescribed me way too much and not once moved me down or started to taper me down in the 5 years I went to see him. So six months ago I started slowly reducing my daily intake. I made the jump 23 days ago. It has been really rough but I am so glad I did it. Everyone has been super supportive on this site. That all really know their stuff because we have all been in your shoes so to speak. So don't worry you'll get the help and info you need to do this the right way.

    As for the subs. They are a great tool if used the right way. You need to do a proper induction and then taper yourself down kthe whole process should take about 6-8 weeks. And you need to make sure you induct at the proper dosage you need. I don't know how to drop any links but I'm sure someone will be by in a little bit to give you some better and more detailed advice in a little bit. Start reading some other threads. Just reading about other people's successes and the info they got from everyone really helped me out. I'm not a doctor or expert by any means. And I hope I gave you some info that may help. Stay positive ask as many questions as you need to. Everyone here has gone through this and we are here to help you.

    Like I said earlier keep positive. Someone will be by in a bit I'm sure to give you some better info than what I have to offer. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress. Take it one day at a time. You can do this.

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