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Need help please
  1. #1
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Angry Need help please

    Hello,

    I've been lurking on these threads for a long time now. I have been doing 90-120 mg of oxy a day just to feel normal, for the last year or so. My addiction has been growing over the last 4 years. I'm so over not having control of my life, spending wayyyy too much money and never being able to go have fun. I raised 2 beautiful girls and have 1 grandson and another on the way. One of my daughters hasn't spoken to me in 3 months. Neither know anything about my drug use. I just confessed to my sister yesterday who claimed she would support me and help me but I haven't heard from her since either.

    My husband is on the blues....and I'm on the greens. Each script lasts roughly a week. The other 2 weeks I'm buying 4 a day just to get us thru....his brother ended up moving in with us because guess what, he's on the blues too. It was a dream for awhile....never running out! I'm DONE having somebody else live in MY house! I don't want to NEED him here anymore. I want my life back!!

    So I'm on day 3. It's not been easy, I have zero support here. I know my husband loves me and continues to beg me to take just one. He can't stand to see me suffer. Suffering is taking another one if those evil pills!
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  2. #2
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Hi! I saw your other post and went actively looking for you! I'm so glad you have started your own thread. We will support you! If you have been here awhile, you already know who has done what. We are all recovering. Some new and some years of clean.. But what I find most comforting is that everyone finds a way to support eachother. It's so refreshing to hear a positive or relatable post from someone day three just as much as it is to hear from Cat or Bette or Ricky71.

    We don't judge. We may get blunt. But we want to help or encourage.

    I was so overwhelmed with debt. Buying pills cost me so much.. I was prescribed too but they never lasted long. I have a son that is young. A family and community that really rely and value me. I was getting to the point of such seclusion, deceit and shame.. I had to stop. So many of us here reached this same point. You aren't alone. I joined day 4 here. Best thing I ever did. I got upset or emotional a few times the first week.. But ultimately I wouldn't be two months clean without this forum.

    Day three stinks so bad! But keep writing. We can help the hours go by! I have so much faith in you!

  3. #3
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReadytoJump View Post
    Hello,

    I've been lurking on these threads for a long time now. I have been doing 90-120 mg of oxy a day just to feel normal, for the last year or so. My addiction has been growing over the last 4 years. I'm so over not having control of my life, spending wayyyy too much money and never being able to go have fun. I raised 2 beautiful girls and have 1 grandson and another on the way. One of my daughters hasn't spoken to me in 3 months. Neither know anything about my drug use. I just confessed to my sister yesterday who claimed she would support me and help me but I haven't heard from her since either.

    My husband is on the blues....and I'm on the greens. Each script lasts roughly a week. The other 2 weeks I'm buying 4 a day just to get us thru....his brother ended up moving in with us because guess what, he's on the blues too. It was a dream for awhile....never running out! I'm DONE having somebody else live in MY house! I don't want to NEED him here anymore. I want my life back!!

    So I'm on day 3. It's not been easy, I have zero support here. I know my husband loves me and continues to beg me to take just one. He can't stand to see me suffer. Suffering is taking another one if those evil pills!
    Welcome but YIKES!!

    Bro has to go!!! Stormy says that we can sometimes be blunt. You'll get used to it (I hope). We all mean well and we are not judging...oh believe me. I'm not judging. Just trying to get some info so that I might be able to give you some advice and/or guidance.

    Is your husband planning on stopping at some point too? Why were you and he prescribed them in the first place? Many of us here began taking these devil pills given by a doctor for something legitimate. Then somewhere along the line, we ended up on the dark side. One of the hardest things I had to do was to admit that I didn't really need them anymore--at least not for the reason I got them in the first place. It was hard enough to acknowledge that to myself, let alone anyone else. The truth is that it had been years (and years) since I really needed them for anything else except to not face detox. Once I was clean, I started to replay all the addict's favorite "what if's" in my head. What if I finally would need that back surgery. Pft! My pain was controlled much better with Aleve than oxy ever did. And the what if? Well I did have my back surgery this past February finally. I only took Motrin in the hospital and was discharged with a bit fat bottle of oxy. I took 1 on two separate occasions and went right back to the Motrin. They helped every bit as much as the oxy. A few days later, the bottle was out of the house.

    Congratulations on making this decision. As I said, Bro be gone. What about your husband? I'll share another dirty little addict secret with you. When I was actively using, I didn't want my peeps to quit. It made me feel bad about myself and it would diminish my supply. There. Is that ugly enough for you? Not one of my proudest admissions.

    Keep going. We'll support you!

    Peace,

    Cat
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  4. #4
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Thanks for both of you replying to me. I'm setting here freezing to death in the middle of August in the south....sucks! I deserve it though for letting this happen. .

    Cat...YES! Bro has to go! Lol. I needed that laugh and bluntness!! With every chill and dry heave I have I feel almost as bad towards him as I do those pills!! Imagine losing half your house...it sure didn't take him very long to take control. Oh yeah, I guess I should mention that I am the only one of the 3 of us that works or has any type of income. Yeah! Although he lives in my house and eats my food there has never been a discount off the blues. Zip,notta, none!

    My husband has been in pain management for 16 years. He dropped a transmission off of a lift on his low back. Shattered his tailbone in his body. No help for the nerves so plenty of meds. I had endometriosis with large cysts in my uterus and had to have a complete hysterectomy. I just never stopped taking them. My mom went in ICU the night before my surgery and she almost died. I spent my recovery taking care of her...which is NO excuse. She is doing good and I was still using all these years later. I was prescribed 7.5's for 3 bad discs in my back which I don't even think are bad. Then in May I got shingles and he upped them to 15's. I think the doctor just needed an excuse... I mean I did have 2 blisters after all!!

    The meds helped me feel better mentally more than they ever helped my pain. I'm so done being numb. They steal every emotion and all the joy. I just want my husband to realize it. I made vows to him....but I didn't marry his f&&$$ing brother! I've worked HARD for what I have and I want it back.

    Question....I seriously feel like I have a wad of hair stuck in my throat. Every time I breathe in I cough and then end up dry heaving. Is that normal? I haven't read it on any other post.....

    Thanks for the support!

  5. #5
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Can't say I ever had the hairball. Dry throat? Are you drinking tons of water? Never heard of that one but maybe some else has. But then again, I never vomited. Not even close. The other end, no trouble cleaning things out that way! Oh yah.

    Stay strong. You got this. Then a boot to the azz of the hanger-on.

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Hello Ready to jump and welcome to the forum

    congrats on your clean days, 3 days in you are doing great! just a couple more day and most of the acute should be going away...

    You are doing great!

    Yes I had the drive heave still have it every now and then.... I just chalk it up to my brain getting rid of all the junk.. It get less and less with the more clean time you have.....

    Hey I am with Cat and Stormy the Brother got to go! lol lmao......


    Have a nice evening.....

    This to shall pass

  7. #7
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Cat,

    A HARD kick it will be too! As I set here suffering I can hear the bro snorting...that's my support. He can snort them in the yard next week. Lol

    I re-read my post and it was a little confusing. I used hubby's pills after my surgery until November. That's when I started getting the 7.5's. I liked that doc then, not so much now. You'd think it would be harder...it should be harder to get them. I will say in all my ignorance I probably would have lost my house. May still...3 years behind on taxes because all my extra went to....well you know. Stupid! I have 5 boxers. LOVE my dogs more than anything. To think of losing them.....doesn't put me in a good place!!

    Gonna try to get some sleep....I've read enough of your thread to know I have a ways to go to get that!

  8. #8
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by foolishness2016 View Post
    Hello Ready to jump and welcome to the forum

    congrats on your clean days, 3 days in you are doing great! just a couple more day and most of the acute should be going away...

    You are doing great!

    Yes I had the drive heave still have it every now and then.... I just chalk it up to my brain getting rid of all the junk.. It get less and less with the more clean time you have.....

    Hey I am with Cat and Stormy the Brother got to go! lol lmao......


    Have a nice evening.....

    This to shall pass
    I'm glad I'm not the only one! Just driving me nuts...won't let me sleep either.

    I agree with all of you...bro will go!! That will be my mantra....bro must go! Lol
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  9. #9
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    I don't know if it's the same thing you are experiencing but even now.. I can't have anything foreign in my mouth. No hair clip, plastic or pen. Gum even makes me gag.

    My toothbrush makes me gag incessantly. Started around day 5 has gotten better but still happens. I haven't read much about others going through it but I have read some. Lots of water. You are still quite early so it may get a tad more annoying than now but not for long!

    I read all you wrote and grateful Cat has connected on the harder issues. Wishing you sleep and see you on the other side. Clean!

  10. #10
    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Good morning Ready..
    Just read your thread and I'm sending you a big hug!! You are taking on the most difficult yet amazing step for yourself in a pretty tough environment!! Most of us wouldn't have been able to even think about getting off when they are right there in front of us... So you should be very proud of the willpower you have!!!
    You are heading into day 4 so all of the nasty sickness shouldn't get any worse than it is now! I know when I hit day 5 I started to see a little light at the end of the tunnel.. Started to feel a bit better. I was like Cat I never vomited or even had nausea but the other end.. Well... That is a story in itself!! LOL.. Tmi? Probably.. But that's what we do here!!
    So didn't have hair balls either! Lol

    I know how you feel with your dogs! I have a frenchie Gilbert (my username is Gilsmom.. So yes he is my baby).. He got me through my detox with his sweet face and his cuddles! He makes me smile and his unconditional love is everything to me when the world gets to be too much!! My cousin has 2 boxers and they are pretty awesome dogs! So sweet and livable too!
    Anyway.. Congrats on heading into your day 4... Stay strong! Don't let hubby sway you. I hope he respects your decision and will want to follow your lead eventually!! Show him how much better life is in this side! The shame and guilt will lift soon and when you look in the mirror and see those sparkly eyes that are alive and clear.... It's amazing!! It's worth every >>>>>> feelin you're having right now! I guarantee that!
    Keep posting! Looking forward to hearing about your progress!!
    And yeah.... BRO GOT TO GO!!! Lol
    Xo
    Mary
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  11. #11
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Mary,

    Thank you. I knew it would be hard in this environment but honestly I'm so done. I want my house back....bro's gotta go! I had this conversation with hubby last night and he's proud of me but still worried. I've told him he must make it the full 30 days on what he gets or he will have to go too. I have to get my taxes caught up no more money for anything else!

    I'm afraid I'm sick along with the "sickness". My throat is swelled shut almost, I have a fever...not sure what to think of it? NOT even close to giving up...no worries there. Just thinking I might need an antibiotic? Surprisingly zero cravings. I'm on lyrica for shingles so I think that's helped a lot with rls....

    I did take this week off work so I don't have to leave the house. My dogs are enjoying having me around too lol. I have 1, my youngest, who will not eat a bite unless I'm home and cries for an hour after I leave. She was a bottle baby. We bred them for awhile, which is how I ended up with so many. Lol

    Pushing thru day 4....bro's gotta go!
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  12. #12
    Gilsmom is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReadytoJump View Post
    Mary,

    Thank you. I knew it would be hard in this environment but honestly I'm so done. I want my house back....bro's gotta go! I had this conversation with hubby last night and he's proud of me but still worried. I've told him he must make it the full 30 days on what he gets or he will have to go too. I have to get my taxes caught up no more money for anything else!

    I'm afraid I'm sick along with the "sickness". My throat is swelled shut almost, I have a fever...not sure what to think of it? NOT even close to giving up...no worries there. Just thinking I might need an antibiotic? Surprisingly zero cravings. I'm on lyrica for shingles so I think that's helped a lot with rls....

    I did take this week off work so I don't have to leave the house. My dogs are enjoying having me around too lol. I have 1, my youngest, who will not eat a bite unless I'm home and cries for an hour after I leave. She was a bottle baby. We bred them for awhile, which is how I ended up with so many. Lol

    Pushing thru day 4....bro's gotta go!
    I've read a few threads on here where people get sick on top of detox sick.. Yuck!! Maybe you do have strep or some type of infection. Maybe get it checked out if you feel well enough to get out. Keep up on your fluids! Water water water.. That was key for me... Have you looked up the Thomas recipe?? I had most of those things during detox.. The vitamins do help! Stay away from benzos.. I hear that's a whole lot worse to get off those!!

    I hope you feel better soon! And I forgot to mention... So this guy lives at your house rent free and he charges you?? Yeah.. No!! Get out! You wouldn't be losing any money! What a piece of you know what!!!

    Take care
    Mary

  13. #13
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    When do these nasty chills let up? I'm going thru menopause and was always cold natured so I never really minded the hot flashes....I can't stand to be cold.

  14. #14
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Today has not been easy. This sickness on top of the sickness is really getting to me. I'm miserable!

  15. #15
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Hang in there.. It gets better! I promise!

    I slowed down my WD using a benzo for a few days. So I seriously feel like my worst was day 3-5. You are almost over the worst!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-16-2016 at 05:48 PM.

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    Hi Readytojump

    Just wanted to stop by and check on you.... I see you are not feeling well today, I was sick once on top of my withdrawals although at that time I didn't even know I was going through withdrawals really thought I had the flu...

    Make sure you do drink plenty of fluids, and keep pushing on it gets better as the days go on.... Hang in and hang out with us... We will help you get through this....

    This to shall pass....

  17. #17
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by foolishness2016 View Post
    Hi Readytojump

    Just wanted to stop by and check on you.... I see you are not feeling well today, I was sick once on top of my withdrawals although at that time I didn't even know I was going through withdrawals really thought I had the flu...

    Make sure you do drink plenty of fluids, and keep pushing on it gets better as the days go on.... Hang in and hang out with us... We will help you get through this....

    This to shall pass....
    Thank you, both of you.

    Still feeling pretty rough. Not too much anxiety or RLS, just SICK. Couldn't drag myself to the doc today if I had too. Maybe tomorrow things will be better....I'm hoping anyway.

    I'm drinking lots of water and Gatorade. I can't hardly breath without it..started a multi-vitamin and a potassium supplement today also. Maybe that will boost my immune system.

    I want to feel better soooo bad that it's a tad bit depressing. I would never have made it this far if I had to work too. Kudos to those that do! Not sleeping hardly any at all. Trying not to take any sleep aide that I was prescribed....Xanax. I've taken a few in the last 3 months but not many. I wake up drunk and I hated it!

    I'm going to drag myself out of bed tomorrow, take a shower and go somewhere. Maybe just being in the house is depressing?

  18. #18
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    Hello Ready

    Yes being in the house dose take a toll on you after awhile always seems when I get out and see the sun the trees and cloud go for a ride turn the music up.....

    You will see it does the body and mind good.... When I am in the house to long I start to get cabin fever, have to get out and get some air....

    Something as small as going for a walk.... even if it is around the block may help....

    This to shall pass girl it will...

  19. #19
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Well I slept about 2 hours. But I honestly do feel better today. About 2 hours after my last post my body was screaming for a pill! I got thru it though. I am going to clean up today and go visit my mom. Bless her heart, she's been an enabler and don't even know it. All the lies you tell to get a pill!! She's on hydros and I would go over there complaining as a last resort. Not proud of it either. I will just tell her it's too close to my apt if she offers me anything.

    Still got this sore throat and stuffy nose but it's manageable today. Just took a TheraFlu and it's helped a lot.

    Day 5!!!!!! I'm not me, but I'm getting there!!!

  20. #20
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Didn't go anywhere yesterday.

    I'm stressing out now over getting back to my routine. I still don't have the energy to get up at 5 am and get ready for work. Still a few more days to go but I'm worried....

  21. #21
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Still not feeling good but did get the l-Tyrisene today. This cough is wearing me down though. Just not sure if I can do this while being sick...I feel like it's completely slowed down my entire body!!

  22. #22
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Do not feel any support....depressed, going absolutely CRAZY! I have slept all of 4 hours in the last 3 nights...I CAN'T take this feeling. My eyes are crossing but won't close....I must go back to work on Monday and have to rest! Pretty sure I have developed pneumonia on top of all of this crud. I can't even take a full breath in without coughing forever......I have no clue what to do!? What's the point in quitting if you feel this bad!?!?!?!?

  23. #23
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Oh no! I am so sorry! I haven't been here for two days and I'm sad to say mostly just look at Need To Talk Forum. Many new to recovery and WD over on that board. I should have mentioned it.

    Are you taking vitamin C and a Bcomplex? Magnesium? You may want to grab some sunshine and attempt a vitamin and chicken soup run.

    You are still day 3-5. Right? It will get better! I promise. You are just in the really icky part. Have you tried Benadryl? Most likely not pneumonia but the poison of opiates leaving your body. You have come this far. Please stay strong!

    Have you seen the Netflix series Orphan Black or Stranger Things? So good! Funny movies are helpful. Sisters had my laughing! Crude but funny.

    Baby yourself right now. Stay strong! It gets better. You are almost over the hump.

  24. #24
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    I see you are on day 8. You may have a cold or flu. Please try to grab some sun. Hot bath. Soup and more vitamins. Fingers crossed you wake up feeling better.

  25. #25
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    When I got clean I got a really bad cold..

    But it's worth it ..
    I promise!
    Day 9 is awesome.

    You didn't get addicted in 9 days ..
    You have to give your body a chance to heal..
    It will..

    The Thomas Receipe on here minus the benzo
    Really does help!

    I will post it for you ..
    Bette



    https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...Thomas+Receipe
    Last edited by Anonymous; 08-21-2016 at 06:37 PM.

  26. #26
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    I did break down yesterday and take a 15. I wanted to just feel better for a few hours!! It didn't help.....

    I'm going back to work today and hoping that by taking that 1 yesterday that I didn't destroy everything I worked for last week! Not feeling good at all this morning but I'm pushing thru.....taking the vitamins and praying I make it,

  27. #27
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReadytoJump View Post
    I did break down yesterday and take a 15. I wanted to just feel better for a few hours!! It didn't help.....

    I'm going back to work today and hoping that by taking that 1 yesterday that I didn't destroy everything I worked for last week! Not feeling good at all this morning but I'm pushing thru.....taking the vitamins and praying I make it,
    That 15 didn't set you back as far as withdrawals go but don't do it again, this can and will get out of control very fast if you continue that type of behavior! Remember "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"!!! Stay the course, it does get better! Take care... God bless us all!
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  28. #28
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    That 15 didn't set you back as far as withdrawals go but don't do it again, this can and will get out of control very fast if you continue that type of behavior! Remember "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"!!! Stay the course, it does get better! Take care... God bless us all!
    Ricky,

    Thank you....I was afraid that I would go thru all of that again! I still have a pretty nasty cold/cough but know now that's simply what it is, it's not part of my WD.

    I have ready thru most of your story and have used the quote above in my head MANY times. It is so true!

  29. #29
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Don't do that again... Ok?
    Where did you get the 15? I'm asking because if it's in your arms reach.. It needs to go.

    Hope you were able to work with all these obstacles. Let us know how you are!

  30. #30
    ReadytoJump is offline New Member
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    I did ok today. A very long day but glad for the distraction!!! Morning was worse....just getting there but once I did, I was fine.

    I'm going to just have to take a little longer until I get my energy back. That's ok....as long as I'm doing it sober!!!!

    No more pills....they are gone thank goodness!

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