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Oxy-Withdrawel-Attempt : My Daily Log
  1. #1
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Default Oxy-Withdrawel-Attempt : My Daily Log

    Hi Guys and Girls,

    Iam new to this forum as a member, but already was reading so many posts which gave me inspiration that Iam finally at the point where I decided to post my own Thread and make a daily log to keep you and myself updated.

    A little information to myself, initially I got in touch with high potent opiods due to multiple surgerys and broke my back in motorcycle crash. I first got treated with Tramadol and Tilidin which helped at first but then"upgraded" to Oxycodone and Hydromophone.
    In my mind I already tried to stop with the medication because I KNOW that I get prescribed way to high dosages. Momentarily Iam prescribed 4x 80+40mg Oxy per day. So you could say arround 500mg Oxy a day. The Problem started when I first was in horrible pain which woke me up in the night so that I chewed them because I couldnt stand waiting 30-40mins until I felt relief. After chewing then came crushing and snorting that >>>> and I know that is was bought me my ticket into hell. Everytime I get my dosage Iam endeavored to get off of it... But then when the withdrawels start to kick in... you know. It bends me down and the devil laughs me in the face and almost forces me to get the next dose.

    The last two weeks I could manage, that I at least tapered to 250mg per day. In addition Iam afraid that Iam taking benzos for to long already (for the last 5 or 6 months an average of 40-50mg diazepam per day) That as well I could already reduce to only one 10mg Valium before I go to bed. The Oxys Iam already taking for a period of almost 3 years. And its that I dont even feel a buzz or light euphoria, but just like >>>> if I dont take them, just "normal" again after I took them.. You know the deal..

    Iam writing here now, because Iam determined to get off of all the >>>> out of my system because I dont need it any longer, but just the primitive part of my brain - the reward center tells me to keep taking it. I really really want to be a clean human beeing and get out of the "opioid-fog", as someone once called it here.

    Iam thinking if I should try that cold turkey or keep tapering? Iam still of work for the next two weeks. Its just so freaking paranoid, that Iam so determined to quit it for good, but once I made it through the night, the first thing in to morning is to snore 120-140oxy to start the day. How ridiculous.. One part in my brain thinks I can beat it, the other - more primitive, savage part dont let me.

    My hope is since Iam doing this step right now and writing these lines, that I have a better chance of making it through the first 4 to 5 days and hopefully get support here, because Iam afraid Iam really weak when it comes to withdrawels.
    This is what I had at hand for supporting the withdrawels: around 20 x 10mg Diazepam, 5x 10mg Temazepam, 20x 7.5 Zopiclone, 4x 1mg Flunitrazepam, 20x 0.150mg Clonidine, 100x 150mg Pregabalin, 20x 25mg Promethazin, 40x 10mg Amitriptilin, and about 1KG Kratom (which I still have to put into capsules, because I cant stand eat a spoon Kratom), but the Alkaloiods in there seem to help a bit when w/d comes through...

    What do you guys think, should I just do it cold turkey and try to survive the next 4,5 days until the hardest part from the physical withdrawels are over, or keep tapering down.?

    I already would like to thank everybody who cares and leaves a comment here and appreciate that a place like this exists where people help each other who really knows how tough that $hit can and will be..

    Best Regards,
    MM

    PS: And besites all things that I already read here how to keep the mind busy and distract one from thinking arround the clock about snoring the next line. What stuff helped you guys - Thanks again!
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-16-2017 at 01:39 PM.

  2. #2
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Well here I am today and have to admit I totally failed, neither I could gather the strength to go the CT way nor could I at least manage to stick to my tapering plan, but instead I reached again another 500mg day and have to say I am not proud of myself, not at all - I even feel ashamed :/ Since the initial idea was to have this as a daily journal to keep track of more and less successful days, I will keep it short and score Devil: 1 - Me: 0
    Since everyday will be a fight for it's own, I might have lost the battle for today but the war just began and if my future me reads and/or posts here in a few months and look back to one or another entry I don't care if the start of my log went everything but what I intented to be. If.. Those tiny two letters, if I can manage it somehow to get off of it sooner or later, what difference will make that very day..

    My honest wishes and greetings go out to y'all who are struggling like me and I wish you all the strength we need to fight our inner demons.!
    M*M

  3. #3
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey MM, welcome to the forums! I read your post last night, but haven't had time to give you a proper response until now. Absolutely no judgement because I've been right where you are, but from my personal experience, the first thing I had to do before anything is to take my meds as they were prescribed. It was a process in and of itself, but once I stopped using them incorrectly I was able to start training my brain away from a bit of the addictive aspects and to start tapering down from them.

    Tapering was extremely hard for me. I did it for years and years, all under a doctors supervision, but so many times I'd get stabilized on a lower dose for a while then blow it and start taking too many again causing me to run out and go through days of withdrawal before I could get my script again. From what I've read of others experience they've gone through a constant state of withdrawal through their tapers. It's not impossible, but it does seem so hard to do in one way or another for so many of us.

    One thing that did help me on my last taper withdrawals and when I did make the jump off the meds was the Thomas Recipe Thread on here. I'm leaving a link to it at the bottom of this post. You're already on the benzos and I'd just worry about getting off one thing at a time. Benzo withdrawals can be even worse, and more dangerous than withdrawing from the other stuff you're on, and you should do a very slow taper off of those when the time comes. When it comes to Kratom, while I have no experience with it myself, I do know you're basically trading one thing for another, and have read many stories on here of people that have had a horrible time getting off it as well.

    If you do decide to go CT (I think I read correctly that you have 2 weeks to do so), then I'd say the best thing you could do is get rid of the temptation of even having the pills around. It's so easy to just grab the next one, so if that temptation isn't there then all you can do is push through it. The physical stuff is a fight to get through, but if you have the time to do it then maybe that's the best way for you to go.

    Regardless of what you decide to do, you've found the right place and some great support on here for whatever you need. Keep updating so people can see what's going on, and know that I wish you nothing but the best!

    https://www.drugs.com/forum/featured...wal-35169.html

  4. #4
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Draven,

    thx for your feedback and your thoughts on my situation. It's now pretty much 17 hours since I last (ab)used opioids, so I am already in the early stages of withdrawels and start to feel shiddy. .
    I am constant batteling with myself to take them now but then I try to move my thoughts to something else and think when I just make it another minute without, it's already a little success.

    I know you're right about flush them away, but I can't do it. I know it'd be the best way but it scares me to death. By now I'd normally have taken about 200-300mg's by now but instead I "only" took about 20g Kratom, which is a joke compared to the OC's, but it helps a little (at least I think so).

    Also have you guys here had experiences with Lyrica (or Pregabaline)? I read in different places that it helps for the RLS, the last three weeks I kicked that off almost completey because I was prescribed that as well but wanted to have less tolerance to that so that I can use it now again to help fight withdrawal symptoms. Also Clonidine which is a blood pressure downer as you probably know is supposed to help as well because through withdrawals you over produce adrenaline and it docks at the receptor to block that.
    If the Kratom should help in any way, I would rather switch the dependency from Oxy's to Kratom and then kick of off the Kratom, since the potency from Kratom is way less then the Oxys.

    Also thanks for the link for the Thomas Recipe, I found that already before since I am reading here many posts from time to time, but I have troubles getting everything from it since I don't live in the states but Europe and some of the stuff I've never heard about and don't think it's OTC stuff in our pharmacies.
    I'd be happy and really thankful if you could help figuring out what from that Recipe I can find in our pharmacies and/or grocery stores, as I said some of the stuff from the recipe I've never heard about..

    So, but yeah, I am going CT now either way, even though I can't flush the Oxys, I gave them to my brother, he knows about everything as every member of my family does and I am currently living at my brothers place.
    I hope that I somehow make it through the evening and the night and hopefully can post tomorrow again that I am still off them and can proudly write that I feel totally schitty, lol
    But every minute that goes by I already consider a success towArds my goal. I think it's easier to just focus on not using right NOW than thinking oh my god how should I survive the next 3,4,5 days...

    Anyhow, I keep posting and I would appreciate some more thoughts, maybe someone who successfully went CT from them evil Oxys.. (And little Offtopic - in Europe Mundipharma/Purdue still flushes the market with the original formula the OC's, not OP's.. )
    And some help getting that stuff together from that Thomas Recipe, that would be awesome.

    Best wishes and talk to you soon, I am preparing now to fight the monkey, since the withdrawals already starting manipulating my mind..
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  5. #5
    Ben39 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi MM

    I am in the same boat as you. DravenDiminq has a lot of knowledge because he went through this hell.

    I am on a large dose of benzos too and I have been trying to taper for a long time. I was on around 500 mg oxy and only managed to go down by less than 200. Just like you say, when you are "fixed" you say tomorrow I am cutting down. But when symptoms kick in you just take it again. I think CT would be not possible on such a high dose. Also, like Draven said, tapering makes you feel in constant state of withdrawal. Catch 22. However, I will taper and that I suggest to you as well. 25% weekly or so because when you cut down, your body still gets some, there is no shock. It is like if you smoke (btw I need to quit smoking too these days) and instead of one pack per day or 1 cig every 30 minutes, you get to smoke half a cig.

    If that all fails, consider sub. Randy35 and a few other members thought me how sub works and that may be my last resort. But since subs are addictive too, get familiar with them Read some of my threads where I got advice.

    Stay in touch with us. You and I are on similar dose and situation and we gotta beat this levels. Don't worry how many battles you lose, we gotta win the war.

    Since you mentioned lyrica, I have some gabapentin and hope that helps with RLS
    Last edited by Anonymous; 02-18-2017 at 11:46 AM.
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  6. #6
    DravenDomnq is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mamamundi View Post
    Hi Draven,

    thx for your feedback and your thoughts on my situation. It's now pretty much 17 hours since I last (ab)used opioids, so I am already in the early stages of withdrawels and start to feel shiddy. .
    I am constant batteling with myself to take them now but then I try to move my thoughts to something else and think when I just make it another minute without, it's already a little success.

    I know you're right about flush them away, but I can't do it. I know it'd be the best way but it scares me to death. By now I'd normally have taken about 200-300mg's by now but instead I "only" took about 20g Kratom, which is a joke compared to the OC's, but it helps a little (at least I think so).

    Also have you guys here had experiences with Lyrica (or Pregabaline)? I read in different places that it helps for the RLS, the last three weeks I kicked that off almost completey because I was prescribed that as well but wanted to have less tolerance to that so that I can use it now again to help fight withdrawal symptoms. Also Clonidine which is a blood pressure downer as you probably know is supposed to help as well because through withdrawals you over produce adrenaline and it docks at the receptor to block that.
    If the Kratom should help in any way, I would rather switch the dependency from Oxy's to Kratom and then kick of off the Kratom, since the potency from Kratom is way less then the Oxys.

    Also thanks for the link for the Thomas Recipe, I found that already before since I am reading here many posts from time to time, but I have troubles getting everything from it since I don't live in the states but Europe and some of the stuff I've never heard about and don't think it's OTC stuff in our pharmacies.
    I'd be happy and really thankful if you could help figuring out what from that Recipe I can find in our pharmacies and/or grocery stores, as I said some of the stuff from the recipe I've never heard about..

    So, but yeah, I am going CT now either way, even though I can't flush the Oxys, I gave them to my brother, he knows about everything as every member of my family does and I am currently living at my brothers place.
    I hope that I somehow make it through the evening and the night and hopefully can post tomorrow again that I am still off them and can proudly write that I feel totally schitty, lol
    But every minute that goes by I already consider a success towArds my goal. I think it's easier to just focus on not using right NOW than thinking oh my god how should I survive the next 3,4,5 days...

    Anyhow, I keep posting and I would appreciate some more thoughts, maybe someone who successfully went CT from them evil Oxys.. (And little Offtopic - in Europe Mundipharma/Purdue still flushes the market with the original formula the OC's, not OP's.. )
    And some help getting that stuff together from that Thomas Recipe, that would be awesome.

    Best wishes and talk to you soon, I am preparing now to fight the monkey, since the withdrawals already starting manipulating my mind..
    Hey MM, good on you for giving them to your brother! That alone is a step in the right direction. I went CT off a lower dose than you (took 160mg the last day I took them), but like I said, had tapered down over the years from a very high amount (800-1,000mg a day). It took me a bit to get through it, especially the first few days, but by the time 2 weeks hit for me I was in a much better place. Now that it's been 3 months I'm feeling better than I ever was on the meds. Especially mentally, knowing I'm not dependent on the meds anymore is making a HUGE difference in my life.

    I had been on Clonidine for several years before I jumped for my blood pressure, and they bumped it up the last 2 tapers and when I made the jump. It seemed to help, but I did go through some physical stuff getting off that recently as well. Not nearly as bad as the Oxy withdrawals, but had a few rough days. I was on Lyrica for years long ago, but never seemed to help me, even in high amounts, so got off it. I've heard it has helped some people through their withdrawal, but no personal experience with that.

    For the RLS I've found a couple products by Hyland's called "Restful Legs" and "Leg Cramps PM" that really seem to help. They make another product as well that I can never remember the name of, but those are the 2 that have helped me. Also, make sure you keep yourself hydrated, lots of water/gatoraide and/or bananas and potassium supplements. Even if you can only take little sips of water it's important to do so as you go through all of this.

    As far as getting things over there I really have no clue. I do get some of the stuff from the Thomas Recipe, like the L-Tyrosine, from Amazon because I've found it to be cheaper there than anyplace else. I don't know if you have access to online places like that, but might be worth taking a look for things you can't find in stores.

    To keep your mind off of the pills just try distracting yourself with whatever you can. Netflix/Hulu, music, or whatever you can get caught up in to think about something else. Also, any little bits of exercise you can do will only help, even if it's just stretching or waling around the house. I know it can be a task, but those little boosts of endorphin's will go a long way.

    Keep hanging in there, and keep posting. It helped and continues to help me to get my thoughts out and to re-read my thread to give me motivation to see how far I've come. Also helps other members to see what you're going through so they can best offer support!

  7. #7
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    First.. You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for supporting me by just type your own experiences and thoughts here.
    Second,.. Iam still clean! But I know its the easy part the first day, but its some good 20hours without any dosage of Oxy, and since its Biological half-life is 4.5h and the duration of action 12 (for controlled released) but since I abused it and the instand release is then 2-3hours and maximal duration of 6 hours (SOURCE:Wikipedia).. Anyway, I do feel the withdrawels are coming for me and its important to get my mind busy now. I just talked to my sister and Iam talking a walk to her and then just talk with her and walk around the block together,..

    But you're right, it helps to read and re-read the own and the posts from the other members and remind one that it is possibly. IT IS DAMN FUNKY POSSIBLE.! Others did it, who knows how many thousend people feeling the same RIGHT NOW..
    But my first goal is just this Night.. and tomorrow is tomorrow.. Btw, I only take some pregabaline (Lyrica) 3 times a day about 450mg and so far two times about 20g Kratom,.. Withdrawel state is definetely on, but its not that I cant stand it any longer...yet. I will fight this, and my last fourty 80 OC`s I gave to my brother, so that I do not have it right by be at hand..

    Ok, thats it so far. I really feel great that I have found that place and have my OWN Log where I can monitor my progress, and the comments and thoughts of you guys help a lot .- thanks so much for that!... LAter..!!

  8. #8
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Just a little sign of life.. I am still clean.. It's about 37 hours now.. I am weak, I am honest I am thinking 90% of the day of snoting a fakking big line.. It's getting worse now, but still fighting.. Ok, just a little comment. Maybe later more and pray that I have the strength to keep going on without oxys.. Since since it was a pretty severe drop from 500-700mg a day, down to just 250 in two weeks and now from that dosage CT to zeroooo... And since I abused for years and years it won't be easy, no it won't.. But faakkkk it.. I'll try and till now I am winning..

  9. #9
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Ok.. I have a confession to make.. I was doing good and had the willpower, but doing that at home (or my sisters place) was to dangerous, my blood pressure was so freaking low when I last checked it an hour ago and my sister was so worried because I looked like $h1t of course and barely could walk and I mentioned already that I was for more then 3 years between 500-700mg from them OC' 80's and tapered in two weeks down to about 250 a day and then made the jump to zero and went CT and could manage that for 45 hours without anything and as "Draven" mentioned or adviced I should better keep tapering because the drop was just to high from that dosage to do that at home. My sister called my mom and said she can not take responsebility for what is happening to me and my health and was worried to death and pretty much only left me the choice to either go to the ER / Hospital because I was close to lose consciousness and have me medically monitored or take a 1/4 of my daily dosage to get better (which now was 120mg).

    I think I have to admit that I need to keep tapering for a little longer before I can pull through a CT at home and be stable on a way smaller dosage, maybe something between 20-40mg a day, and try stay and that dosage (which I Stil have to reach first and which can take several more weeks or months) and then make the cut and kick off the last dosage when I want to do that at home. If it had been my decision I probably had kept going on and tried one more night but since I honestly already wasn't in the mental state to judge my condition already I don't know what could have happened in that night and my sister wouldn't let me keep going on if I insisted to do that at her place....

    So long story short, I do feel better now (of course) and I think I was to fast on doing that from that high dosages and maybe a little to stubborn or pigheaded and wanted that to bad.. I don't feel that I failed, because I do know now that I can do it and stand the withdrawals when I have stabilized myself on a way lower dosage and then do that again.. That's it so far.. Let me know what you guys think. Best wishes and all the strength to y'all who are in the same boat as me..
    Greeeeetz M*M

  10. #10
    Ben39 is offline Junior Member
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    Good job. You didn't fail. Instead you are doing the right think for not going all the way CT in my opinion. 120 mg down from 700 is an incredible thing. Maybe kratom is helping?

    But I am a little confused. Lets say you started to taper from 600 mg. You started 2 weeks ago? How much did you cut down and how often to get to 120? (BTW, I would stay on 120 until I stabilize) After 2 days being off of it and when you got severe symptoms, how did you feel after you took 120 ?

    How many pills you got left, are you running out so you feared you may face CT?

    BTW I'm glad that you are making significant progress. keep it up.

  11. #11
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Ben, thx for joining in and sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate that, it helps a lot get so much different type of feedback from other members and with their own experiences and expertises!

    So to answer your question first. I get prescribed a daily amount of 480mg OC's and in the 'harder' abusing time there have been always more days left in the month till the refill than pills in the blister. And then I sometimes had to go some days without or buy something to overbride the missing days.

    To my Tapering, I pretty much left about 25mg a day (give or take a little) away, so that I landed on around 250mg. Then after two days of it and when I was already in some state of delerium as my sister said and when I took the 120mg, the severe symptoms start stopping really within 15-20mins until I felt better, "normal" again. I have to say I was surprised how fast the severe symptoms went away after taking them..

    Btw. I am not stabilised on 120/day yet, since I tried making the CT jump from 250. I will try to continue keep tapering so that I will feel only no or very mild w/d symptoms. And until the thread already is a little longer, in my initial post I mentioned what I had at hand to support tapering or CT attempt and therfore yes, I do have and also take Kratom to help ease symptoms, and for me personally it helps. Also pregabaline (or known as brand name Lyrica) seems to be a godsend for many people in the same boat, for others it seems to doesn't help at all. But it helps me with the RLS and the constant thoughts in your brain.

    This month, since I tapered a lot already and saved dosages from two complete days I don't will run low this month and have to fear a CT which isn't based on my decision,. This time I'll have somewhat around thirtyfive of them 40 and 80 OC's left.

    Are you in a similar boat then I am, are you hooked on OC's or something else?and try to taper or go cold turkey or did you succeeded already and are clean?

    I'd like to hear back from you and of course from the other guys and girls here and let me know what you think.

    Best wishes and strength to all struggling ones..!

  12. #12
    Ben39 is offline Junior Member
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    Hi MM

    I am glad you cut down a lot. Keep it up.

    Yes, I am in almost same boat as you. OC, high dose, benzos etc. My battles and war is ahead of me. The worst things in my WD are depression and RLS when I sleep and RESTLESS ARMS SYNDROME when I am awake which won't let me sleep. I use gabapentin for it but doesn't help too much. I bought boxes of ENSURE and i drink 3 bottles a day because they contain potassium, magnesium, energy, copper etc....and is also a meal replacement if can not eat.

    Why did your doctor stop giving you rx ( if ) ?

    Anyway, stay strong, and keep updating.

  13. #13
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Ben, I also was already in some months where I used a blister a day of them 80's (here in Europe you don't have the same refill type as in the states) they come boxed not refilled in thise organge personilised "bottles", so I am not quite aware of what that RX is or means. In addition I had an abusing time of Palladon (Hydromorphone) 24mg's capsules on an also very high amount plus yes, them benzos.. diazepam, clonaz, bromas, nitras, flunis.. You name it. I concentrated of getting of the benzos first. It's supposed to be even harder to get off and w/d's are worse, but for me personally I don't have or had this that bad. Within a duration of about 3 months I tapered all benzos but the dias and now "only" take one 10mgs before bed..

    Try to switch gabapentin to pregabaline, it's pretty much the same "family", but for me it made a huge difference. You know every single human being and system is and reacts totally different. It's worth a try?

    I was always very scared to face that I can't keep going on like this forever and have to start make a change "someday", but that very day I of course kept pushing in front of me and procrastinated over and over again.. And I am sure you as well are thinking while in the "opioid-fog", that while in that state of mind making plans to stop soon or tomorrow.. One knows that one lies to oneself, gets creative in finding new excuses and even gets expert in hiding that from family and friends.. sounds familiar?

    But I think that very point has to come from within, I pretty much felt growing that determination as I would be pregnant and that determination to quit keeps growing within you.

    I am sure it is one of the absolut hardest thing to do that on one's own, without any help and while keeping that a secret. I for myself would be happy already If I will be successful in keep tapering and then at someday further down the road kick off a last waaaaay smaller daily dosage, not higher than 10, 20mg max.

    How do you see that and are you planning anything already or have an idea when and how you want to get control over your life back again?

    Best wishes & keep ya heads up!

  14. #14
    Ben39 is offline Junior Member
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    My problem is that my doctor is gone and I cannot get any more refills. Looks like I will have to the second worst road, RAPID TAPERING. I have to unless i either find a doctor to prescribe me again or some freak who took 8 hour class to prescribe suboxone. I wish I was physically healthy (got some sudden problems) and if i had 2 weeks to be alone. My family is not supportive AT ALL. Beside decades long depression I got a lot of stress in my life right now.

    I am REALLY happy that you got down to 120 from 700 mg in short period of time. How are you feeling right now? Have you changed your dose up/down?

  15. #15
    mamamundi is offline Junior Member
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    Hi Ben, happy to hear back from you! That is one of my biggest fears as well, that my current doc will be gone one day and I will stand in front of closed doors I hope that won't happen before I either can find a kind of "backup-doc" or stash an high enough amount due to tapering which would be enough to follow my taper plan and then the inevitable thing - the jump to zero. But depending on where you life (at least I think it's like that in Europe) any other doc "has to" keep going on when you've been legally prescribed with high potent drugs.. That's what I've got told from my Doc, because he's planning to retire and sell his practice. If you've all your files on hand (I've an "felt amount" of several kilograms of paperwork already ) You -"should"- have no problems finding another doc who keeps prescribing what you have been prescribed recently, since all doc's once had to swear their oath and one is on an pretty pretty high amount aggravated battery and a bodily harm if they send you away without any kind of help and/or support. But I as well also had to make to very demeaning experience that I wasn't actually treated as a human being seeking help but a junkie and pill-sponger

    To my situation, I am not @ 120mg's yet, rather around 250. But even that still seems to be a bit low, since I dropped from a pretty short time and I don't feel stable on that dosage at all and have constant w/d's, even though they are mild, that are to worse that I want these throughout the entire tapering process. As I read here from some great people with really good expertise you have to find a pace during tapering which you feel comfortable with and your body is able to adjust, otherwise you'll just keep dragging the w/d's in ur backup throughout the whole time. That isn't what I am eager for. That on the other side it's not going to be a walk in the park I think is unneeded to say, part it can be avoided an fair amount.
    So I think I need to go back a few steps first before I can start walking forward, but what I found is that you almost can cut down any dosage of oxys to 400-500mg's, in my case from over 700. I neither felt w/d's nor pysical and psychological bad at all.
    Now I need to keep tapering, firstly slower and secondly in smaller steps, so that I always just feel stable enough to leave away the next part from the dosage and do that in 5% staps every 5-7days or so. But this tapering, oh boi it requests a lot from oneself. The determination you need for that already is tremendous, and while doing or trying that I often catch myself cheating to myself. I am honest - what reason would I have to lie here anyhow - I am scared if my tapering will be as I picture it.
    At some point then I'll try another CT from a way lower dose from what I tried it just recently. I guess going from ~700/800 daily down to ~250 within two weeks and then from there to zero just wasn't realistically and thought through profound enough, but since I frankly had it with them evil OC's I wanted it to bad.
    One thing is for sure, since we used and/or abused it for sometimes years and years the body needs to heal and that takes time.. And not happens over night.

    For you I hope you'll find a doc who starts prescribing you your meds again, since I read other from your threads as well and Ricky oder Randy I think it was said that taking subs is the really last resort since to get off of those then again even can and will be way rougher.
    Until then I wish you nothing but the best finding another doc again so that you don't have to taper rapid, but can make that at ur own pace. And even clear but is needed to say, really only try to take the absolute smallest amount possible to avoid symptoms from 2 and up (from the 1-4 w/d symptom scale), mild withdrawels you should try to arrange urself with - because you know you will be thankful to urself the more pills you can spare now and stretch the duration for which you still have the rest of them. Because the value every single pill has will be a thousand times higher LATER when u pray you'd still have some compared to NOW when it maybe would ease symptoms which are mild.

    Either way, let me know how it's going on with you and I pray for you to find another doc again who continues to prescribe them for you so that you have the decision back on what pace you will taper off the oxys.

    And of course I'd appreciate any other thoughts and feedback in generel from you others who are or have been in the same boat as I am right now.

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