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Oxycodone - am I an addict?
  1. #1
    patseguin is offline New Member
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    Dec 2012
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    Default Oxycodone - am I an addict?

    I'm guessing I am in denial and the answer is probably 'yes' but I thought I would post my story just to see if it sounds familiar to anyone.

    Started seeing PM doctor around 3 years ago because of sever upper back pain. MRI indicated arthritis and I was started off with Hydro 7.5, then Norco 10, then Oxycodone 10/325. I've always been very good about strictly adhering to prescription instructions but gradually over the last year I've slipped into a routine that kind of stinks.

    I've gone from taking 1-3 Oxycodone a day to usually 8 a day. The reasoning is a combination of pain relief and feeling good (the latter of which is probably more realistic if I am being honest).

    The Routine is this:

    I get my script filled for 120 pills which is a 30 day supply. I start off for 3 days or so taking 1 pill at a time as I should at everything works and I do well.

    Usually by day 3 or 4 I will take 1 in the morning and then take 2 at once later in the day.

    The next day I will graduate to 1 in the morning and 2 at a time twice more in the day.

    The rest of the days I am full on taking 2 at a time 4 times a day, maybe once or twice I will screw up and take 10. This is a genuine screw up because I have this mental thing for some reason about not going over 8 because of GI issues (which are bad).

    The last 4 months or so I've been running out almost exactly 14 days early. Earlier on, I was running low and would divide them up in a weekly container and ration myself. However, I've completely lost self discipline and if I have 8 pills left with 14 days to go, I will still take them all in one day knowing how I will feel.

    So, I am left with 14 days to deal with returning to normal. Day 1 is unpleasant but kind of tolerable. The main thing is I don't look forward to getting home after work and taking a couple to feel better. Day 2 and 3 are not hell but pretty bad. Sleeping all day long in 1 hour increments including all night as well. By day 4 sleeping is better but my mood is pretty depressed and sort of spaced out. By day 14 I am completely normal again and feel great and decide to refill because I can keep it down to a couple pills a day and not need to take more. Well, that doesn't happen and the cycle beings again

    So, it boils down to this: 2 weeks of feeling great, 1 week of feeling like utter >>>>, 1 week of returning to normal, begin again.

    So, do I want to quit? That is the tough question. The honest answer is "not really". I deal with a few days of extreme unpleasantness and then start to feel better and confident that I can handle just a couple pills a day as needed.

    SHOULD I quit? Maybe that is something you guys can chime in on.

  2. #2
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    Jan 2016
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    Hi Patseguin,

    Like many others, your story is similar.. the cycle of abuse. Addiction is a thinking disease and I understand fully how you talk yourself into just taking the proper amount and then splurging. Over time you have developed a tolerance. The difference between addiction and physical dependance is that once the medication is out of your system during a dependence, the thoughts of having those pills leave. With addiction, those thoughts consume you.
    No one can tell you what to do with your life... it is your journey, your lessons, your experience.
    In order to achieve a goal, you must first make it and want it. YOU CAN DO THIS, BUT YOU HAVE TO WANT IT.

    I understand, like many, how it feels to run out early and also to justify my use because I have legitimate pain.
    There are so many other options for pain relief when we look for alternatives.
    Let us know what you decide to do and we can support you through it.
    It is scary to think of the change that you want to make and what you may go through to get the freedom from counting pills... but it is so worth it. On the other side of fear, is LOVE and the life you were meant to live!
    Love and light
    Kim

  3. #3
    LifeSaver77 is offline Member
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    Dec 2014
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    I think most people find your story totally relatable. We've been prescribed opiates for a legitimate physical injury or ailment. We dose as prescribed for months. Then, we start abusing. Taking an extra pill here and there, For me, I would rationalize an extra pill as a reward, or an escape. I just rationalized. It's what we do. Then, we stop caring or even having a personal dialogue. We just count the hours until the next dose.

    I can't believe you abuse to the point of having to detox CT every month, however. That seems so painful on so many levels. I couldn't do it. I doled out my pills with the vigilance of an accountant.

    Are you an addict? Yes, but you already know this.

    Should you quit? Well, unless you want to, no one can convince you otherwise, and won't even try. I can tell you it never impacted my life in a grand way...I still kept my job, maintained relationships, never bought street drugs, lived "normally". BUT, life is blunted on opiates. Emotions, good and bad, are numbed. Long-term use causes personality changes. I've become far more apathetic and isolated, not to mention rather snippy and sometimes completely irrational. Who knows what its done to my liver and brain chemistry...

    You'll either hit a rock-bottom where your life hits some major skid, have an epiphany in which you simply CHOOSE a sober life, or will fall deeper down the rabbit hole, as your need for more drugs will only increase.

    Your choice for sure, but also know that if you come back here to get clean, you'll have some amazing support from other addicts and recovering/recovered addicts.

    Wishing you well...
    ItsPossible likes this.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
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    123

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    Pat,

    to answer your question based on your habits running through 120 10's in 14 days, I would say yes, it has become an addiction. If you are on your off days, why not just let it be the last time?

    RJ

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