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Oxycodone withdrawal - Help please
  1. #61
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Ugh. Not gonna wrestle that bed right now. Gonna grab the flashlight and walk on the beach a bit. Think my lack of sleep is psychological. Because I didn't take my dose my mind is playing with me. Grrrr
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  2. #62
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gracie111 View Post
    Ugh. Not gonna wrestle that bed right now. Gonna grab the flashlight and walk on the beach a bit. Think my lack of sleep is psychological. Because I didn't take my dose my mind is playing with me. Grrrr
    Funny Gracie! I was up at 1:30 too. Should have posted. And gave up on sleep after 4:30. Now I am just posting a bit while I have my coffee, then off to walk at the mall. It opens at 6 AM.

    How was the beach? Actually sounds kind of wonderful...

  3. #63
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Gracie,

    Keep posting!! The inability to sleep does indeed really suck. "Wrestling the bed". Yup. That's a good description. I, too learned early on that it just makes things worse. I'd get up, read here (books weren't working...too much work and couldn't concentrate). The Forum, entirely different. I'd get caught up on everyone's threads and post on my own. Over and over. The hours would pass pretty quickly. Old re-runs on TV, old movies. Amazingly enough, at least for me, was while not being able to sleep just made the days longer, I was rarely tired. Weird, but true. Once I noticed that and accepted it, it wasn't so bad.

    You've been tapering so I'm hoping that this won't get too much worse for you and pray it won't last too long. Another one of my brilliant sayings. Wait....wait....wait...."It is what it is!"

    Peace,

    Cat

  4. #64
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Man... Well I got 4 1/2 hrs sleep. Fitful, but YAY I made it thru without a pill!!!! This morning I feel like I have to work at making my body work. My right eye was watering last night and was matted with sleepy this morning. The neurons in my brain must be really ticked at me right about now. I'm doing okay. I think today will be tough. My first whole day without anything. Getting thru today will be a huge help. Not even thinking about tomorrow. I'll deal with that when it comes.

    Catherine, I was up til 3am. love the mall. Kudos to you for getting an early start to the day. In college I used to work at a Victoria's Secret in mall. Course I always said I just put in time there so I could pay for my clothes. Haha. But I used to walk the mall every morning before work.

    Oh Cat, I pray your right about it not getting too much worse. Thought I was gonna hurl last night. I ate way to much trail mix. This morning I have no appetite at all. No appetite and I can barely get my coffee down. I got pedialyte powder for my bottled water and pedialyte Popsicles. Think I'll be hitting them this morning. No bathroom issues yet. I expect them to start by the end of today.

    This is unpleasant for sure, but I'm determined.

  5. #65
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Oh yeah, Cat the beach was great!! Full moon. The best time for beach walking. I love to listen to the surf. Very calming. I hijacked a beach lounge chair and sat for an hour just practicing "live in the present moment." Loved it!!!!

  6. #66
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Atta Girl, Gracie. Face this as a formidable enemy and you will win this battle and ultimately the war. Repeat as often as you need to...."I'll get thru today and see what tomorrow brings". I used to look myself square in the eye each and every morning and promise myself out loud that I will not use today. Just today. As my eyes became clearer and brighter I found that was only one of my rewards. I'd forgotten how my eyes sparkle when I'm clean. Watch for that too. May be a small reward, but nonetheless it's a reward.

    Peace,

    Cat

    PS: You're probably right--get that Immodium out. It was usually on Day 2 when that enjoyment will present itself to me. Don't be afraid to take it as necessary; just don't take it when you don't need it.

  7. #67
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    24 hours!! That wasn't so bad. Guess we'll see how bad it's gonna be by tonight. You're right Cat. Today is all I can focus on. How can I worry about tomorrow when I need to focus on today? Actually feels good. I'm so tired of all my brain's excessive multitasking behavior (most of those tasks being worry and browbeating myself). For me anyway, my mind is so intently focused on getting through the day that it refuses to process any thought but that. So I guess there's a positive note. That's what I wanna be like. Not to the extreme as it is now, but enough so that I can enjoy life without a dozen things racing through my mind.

    Watching the last of the tourists here on vacation. Crowds our age. Nice lot. Fall here in Pensacola FL is AWESOME. The beach will be deserted except for us longtimer's. I so love the beach. Wouldn't live anywhere else. It's the same but different every day. I live in a small beach town 20 minutes west of Pensacola called Perdido Key. Means lost island. Came here I guess because I wanted to get lost, hide from all the trauma and drama is been thru during the past years.

    Me and my late husband transferred here in 01 for his twilight tour (last one before retirement). We were in the process of buying a beach condo when he died. That's why I moved back to my hometown. Such a bad idea. Moved back here in June 2013, determined to live a peaceful life on the Gulf. I can't do that til I kick the pain pills. This feels like the last big hurdle. I know I'll always be an addict, but I can wake up happy cuz I'll be free of a few demons. The dragons I'll slay as I go.

    Over 24 hrs now. The shaky feeling is getting worse. Gonna take a trazadone and try to watch some tube. I'll be back.
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  8. #68
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    You're doing great, Gracie......an entire day without....yay!!!

    I live in a small beach town, also, but further south in Florida on the gulf coast. Fall (Oct. & Nov.) is my favorite time, too. Sunsets are longer and more colorful....and us locals get our town/beach back to ourselves for a while. Driving is much more pleasurable, as I find (hope I don't offend anyone) the further north the license tags are.....the worse the driver....lol. But, we love our tourists....keeps our taxes down

  9. #69
    HarrySmooth is offline Advanced Member
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    I live in a Small Beach Town in FL TOO! LOL......East Coast, I live in the town home to the Space Shuttle....And Congrads on another Day Down Gracie!!!!!! GREAT Job!!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by silverlining1 View Post
    You're doing great, Gracie......an entire day without....yay!!!

    I live in a small beach town, also, but further south in Florida on the gulf coast. Fall (Oct. & Nov.) is my favorite time, too. Sunsets are longer and more colorful....and us locals get our town/beach back to ourselves for a while. Driving is much more pleasurable, as I find (hope I don't offend anyone) the further north the license tags are.....the worse the driver....lol. But, we love our tourists....keeps our taxes down

  10. #70
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie, it is really a joy to come to your thread because you are so determined. Congrats on 24 hours! And the moon was beautiful last night; saw it on my way to the mall, which was a surreal blast! It is a very new program so at 6 AM I was the only one there for a while; still saw only a dozen or so people on the whole route. So much better than tossing and turning in bed.

    Keep hanging in here; you remain...awesome!

  11. #71
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Thank you guys! You're all awesome to check in on me. I'm so glad you're here.

    Very fatigued, yawning, crampy, and no appetite. Drank some ensure and ate a Popsicle. Gonna play a computer game (Thief: the dark project) for awhile and see if it helps occupy my mind better. Haven't played this game in 6 years. Should be fun - and I don't have to feel guilty about not doing something else. Trying to look at this as a little "stay"cation. Do whatever I can to stay occupied and not clock watch. Just get through it.

  12. #72
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Spent am hour and a half playing a video game. It really does speed up time for me. Taking a break now. Really getting achy. I think I'll go get in the hot tub and see if it helps. This is like slow torture. Still no appetite. Gonna try and make myself eat a nectarine and have some fruit juice before I get in the tub. Maybe it'll make this never ending stomach ache go away.

    Thanks for listening everyone!

  13. #73
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Hot tub and food helped. Good for another 2 hrs or so I think. Then I'll take a hot shower and try to eat some food. If I can just keep these jitters down I can handle the rest I think. I'll deal with tomorrow in the morning.

    Holy sleepless night - think that's what's in store for me.

    20 min later... Went ahead an took a shower. Feel kinda human again. Was so hard standing long enough to shower. My legs just don't want to support me. Yummy eased up a bit. Yay. Gonna try to play more of the video til 7 then eat. I've already blackjack'ed two people in my bid to get into the manor in mission one. Got a lot of loot too.

  14. #74
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Nice going, Gracie. Wanted to check on you once more before signing off for the night--or most of the night. I'm sometimes up and down and you and Catherine aren't far from my mind lately (you too, Smooth One!). I can identify so much with the both of you. It reminds me of what my last Day 1 was all about and the subsequent days/weeks. I see so much of myself in both of your posts. It gives me an ironic smile, if that makes sense. The reminder is good for me. You and many others help me more than I could ever hope to help you but I'll keep trying.

    Gracie, Catherine found my thread and brought it back to the front. If and when you feel like it, read parts of it. I'm betting you will identify with some of the earlier posts there. I had such good people cheering for me from the get-go. As the days and weeks passed you can feel the change of the thread from misery to banter and kinship. That is exactly where this thread is headed. I know it.

    I may be back later tonight. It's 7:45pm right now and I'm dangerously sleepy. It could mean a catnap that will turn me into the midnight stalker. Never know. If I'm not checking during the overnight hours, know I'll be here bright and early.

    OH YEAH!!!! I have plates from New England, Mass, specifically. LOL Unfortunately, we are more than a bit impatient in this neck of the woods. I live in a very, very small town with 2 traffic lights total. If I get a red light, I'm cursing. Geez sounds worse when I see that in writing! Talk about an instant "fix"!!! OK. You're right. We're a pain in the azz. At least I know that and I'll keep it in mind the next time I'm in Florida. I'm there at least twice a year in the Kissimmee area. Now that's a zoo!

  15. #75
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Cat you'll never know how much you're helping me, and what an inspiration you are. You not only kicked this thing you embraced the new you, set your boundaries, and you are making the most of your new life. You made me really dream about how much better life would be when this is over, and I'm truly looking forward to meeting the new me. I've read a great deal of your thread. I can so identify! We have a lot in common. I lived in New London CT for a couple years ! Maybe we should all meet up next spring and go to DisneyWorld. That would be fun. I figured I'd find help here, but making all the new friends, now that as the say, priceless.

    I'm almost 36 hrs in. And I have felt every minute, too. Don't see me getting much sleep tonight. I'll settle for four hours. Trying not to wig over tonight and what the morning may bring. Just going with the flow. This won't last forever, only a few more days. The process is very tiring. It wears on ya. No wonder the fatigue is awful. And made worse by the lack of sleep. The whole day has felt surreal. Disconnected.

    Tummy is getting really crampy. I managed to swallow some food. Had juice, vitamins, ensure, and going to take trazadone shortly. Hoping for sleep. You'll know if I'm up.

  16. #76
    UTTAD is offline Member
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    Gracie-- hope you are doing well...Hang in there! You can do this...

  17. #77
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Good Morning Gracie,

    I don't see posts from overnight so I'm hoping that means that you are resting. Hoping. I would LOVE to meet you next time I'm in Florida. I really would. I was planning a quick trip this Fall but that has turned into a Girl's outing to Myrtle Beach in October. Now I'm hoping for sometime this winter like January or February. If that works, you will be squeaky clean and can be my tour guide. My sense of direction, well leaves a lot of room for improvement.

    Let me tell yah, it's actually comical that I can get lost in the small town where I live and have to dig out the GPS to get home...and I've lived here almost all my life! To me, if you make four right turns it'll get me home and then I'm amazed that I'm back where I started. That's true! If I find myself at an intersection where I HAVE to turn one way or another, you'd think by simply the odds, I'd turn correctly 50% of the time, right? Nope. My average is somewhere in the 90% range, always wrong. I can't use tools either. Give me a screwdriver and I have to recite, "righty tighty, lefty loosey". Must be the same part of the brain, and I don't have that particular side.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  18. #78
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    I am here too, Gracie, wondering how the night went? How's the puzzle coming?

    BTW the first few days I practically lived in the shower; just cut back when my hair started to get moldy. ...and eating? Well, I forced myself to eat, mostly to keep some strength and to help with the stomach issues and the diarrhea. But, I didn't eat much... yogurt was good for the stomach. Happily, I have lost almost 10 pounds!

    Don't forget the exercise; of all the things they tell you to do here, and that I DID NOT want to do, it helped the most. Couldn't really walk much (rubber legs) but I did silly baby exercises like on the floor or stretching from my yoga pillow...

    I'll be back after my mall walk. Keep going, huzzah huzzah!!!

  19. #79
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    I made it thru the night!!!!! Snoopy dance! Can't believe I slept from midnight til 5:30. Fitful, but nonetheless a little rest. The trazadone helps. When I woke up my right eye was so saturated with matt that it wouldn't open. Had to do the ol warm washcloth. And as soon as my eyes flew open I felt the tummy ache. Took my first dose of Imodium. Yep, bathroom issues right on schedule. Had a few leg cramps during the night. I fought'em and made it thru. Was so afraid if I got up to use the Voltaren gel I'd never get back to sleep. As I watch the sun coming up I'm wondering how bad it's gonna get today. 44 hrs in now. Can barely think. A good thing I guess. Just so focused on getting thru each hour. Today is gonna be all about the bathroom, I can tell.

    Thank you for posting UTTD!! I need all the encouragement I can get. I know I'm coming off a small amount comparatively but it's still a treacherous mountain to climb down from. I so appreciate all the support. Don't know if I'd make it without it.

    Cat, I'm stoked about meeting when you make a trip here!! I laughed when I read about your sense of direction. Still chuckling. I've always been so good directionally, but as of late my internal GPS is wonky at night. I have a friend in Jacksonville (daughter of my friend in Denver) who lovingly refuses to follow behind me in a car if I'm driving at night. She came for the Super Bowl last yr (huge Seahawks fan) and I got us thoroughly lost in downtown Pcola. lol. It was foggy- that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

    Catherine!!! Hey you. Laughed at the moldy hair mention. Too funny girly. I'm doing good with showers. It's really hard making myself do it. I find if I get in the hot tub first I'll go directly to the shower after. Standing up is such a chore. The hot tub is great. There was a cool breeze yesterday afternoon and it felt great. Exercise is my downfall. Zero energy. Today I'll try getting in the pool again. I'll try doing that before the hot tub.

    Sheesh. Been to the bathroom twice while writing this. Don't worry, I washed my hands. lol. Day 2/3... Let's do it!!
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  20. #80
    HarrySmooth is offline Advanced Member
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    Your "KICKIN BUTT" there Gracie Baby@!!!!!! Keep it up Girl,Your doing SO AWESOME! Wont be long now!!!!!!

  21. #81
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Well snap!!! Found a huge flaw in my plan. Never EVER forget to check your toilet paper supply before embarking on detox. Shaking my head. What a goof I am.

    Thank you Harry! That's my mantra this morning-it won't be long, it won't be long. Gonna try to at least walk to the beach and back this morning. 400 total feet. At least it's something.
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  22. #82
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    And ya know what else, trying to get down pedialyte Popsicles is like trying to drink castor oil (almost). Do you know they actually gave me that in a hospital when I was 12. Barbarians. lol.

    I've started sneezing my head off. Great. Zero appetite. Crampy tummy. Pacing. Whine whine whine. Pass me the cheese please. Off to the beach and back.
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  23. #83
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Gracie,

    I hope the beach is beautiful this morning. Take a few minutes and enjoy it.

    Now I'm giggling. Someone should add toilet paper to the Thomas Recipe!! As awful as you feel, when you describe how you're feeling both physically and emotionally, it reassures me that you really are doing this. Not always, but for those that know this road as well as I do, we recognize the stages. Too well.

    The shower thing. I agree with you there! I had trouble standing long enough for a hot shower to make a difference. Hot baths worked but waiting for the tub to fill was almost more than I could bear. Then I'd sit in the tub, the bottom of which is way too hard for this old butt and bad back, had me getting out in short order. That was when I discovered the beauty of two over-sized heating pads set on low. That didn't help the hot/cold thing but did help my legs so it was worth the trade-off. On the heating pads...too hot, off the heating pads--too cold back on the heating pads. Oh joy!

    I'll be watching and reading. Your sense of humor is amazing, even at this point. I'm not sure I was capable of developing a thought that in any way, share or form would have been amusing. I really don't remember.

    Peace,

    Cat

  24. #84
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Ah, yes! TP and big kleenex for all the sneezing. I agree with Cat; reporting from "the front" as it were, assures that you are doing this, and wading through all the predictable stages. As much as I used to read that this is what it is like for everybody, and I knew what to expect, when you are feeling like >>>> (metaphorically and in reality LOL) it is only momentary solace.

    I looked back too, Gracie, at my thread and we are all so similar. At the stage where you are all I did was whine. And at about Day 2, I tried to take a walk with the husband, and only managed to walk past the next house before I had to turn back. I think every small activity was followed up by laying in bed again for another 5 minutes.

    About the walking, on Day 16, I just did 8000 steps at the Mall this morning. Its pretty funny really; read my thread for the story, but 8000 steps? and I am still alive? When I couldn't do 50 two weeks ago?

    You remain...AWESOME!!

  25. #85
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Made it back. Torture. My legs are killing me. No way I coulda made it out on the sand.

    Thanks Cat and Catherine!! I try to find humor in everything. It really does get me thru.

    Haven't touched the puzzle yet. I did color a few pages yesterday. Trying to focus on TV is hard. Can't stay focused. 30 minutes is about all I can do. Lots of channel surfing. By far the video game seems to be working best for making time pass. My netflix movies should be in the mailbox don't wanna even walk out there. Sitting on the patio now, legs crossed and the foot of my crossed leg is just a swinging. I'm pretty sure that counts as exercise. Mind racing but won't land anywhere except the present five minutes.

    I'm watching episodes of Supernatural. In between cig breaks, which are like every commercial. One of the movies I ordered is called Drag Me To Hell. The irony of the title only hit me when I got an email just now from netflix asking if it had arrived.

    Ate a nectarine and had some ensure. All I can manage. About ready to jump outta my skin. Gonna take a trazadone. Hanging on for the ride.
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  26. #86
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    I think the Imodium is helping. Been concentrating on my game. That helps a bit too. My nose is now running. Getting up for anything is brutal. My tummy is settled a a bit. Ate an egg roll. The game I'm playing is forces me to creep around in it and get things as quietly as possible. I do a lot of waiting and timing moves. Really does help my focus and make time pass. My butt and back usually give up an hour or so in and I take a break and watch tv. The day feels like it should be over though. I just gotta get thru today and tonight. Only thought I have.

    What's that blood brain barrier thing and Imodium all about?

  27. #87
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Keep going Gracie; remember, you are awesome!!

  28. #88
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    You are doing really good, Gracie......I know the restlessness and anxiety sucks.....but, you are talking to us and describing exactly what you're going through......less the expletives, I'm sure you'd like to throw in....I think you're gonna breeze right through this.

    Well, not breeze....but, maybe a category 2 hurricane?

    I don't get the blood brain barrier thing, I read it back when I was getting clean, and thought I could take, like 10, and thought it was gonna make me feel better.....it didn't. Sometimes I can be an idiot.

    Don't see a whole lot of Mass. plates where I'm at, Cat. I grew up in Central Florida, so I know all about the 'zoo'......

    Keep on rockin' it, Gracie

  29. #89
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    54 hrs. I'm hoping this is as bad as it gets. If it is, then I'm gonna feel very lucky. It's pretty awful for sure, but I'm not writhing on the couch like I thought I'd be. Could I get lucky and not go thru severe wd's? Is this the calm before the storm? Gosh I hope not.

    Real achy. Stopped sneezing for now, still yawning. I wish my stomach would level out. Very tired. Don't know what to do with myself. Really tired of this. Not going near the pills. But I sure will be glad when this is over. Trying to talk myself into getting in the pool. Need energy. Man oh man.
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  30. #90
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    That was the hardest for me, Gracie.....I just couldn't get comfortable. I live on a cul-de-sac.....5 doors down, and I would walk that at night for the first couple days...one lap only.....just made me feel better.....if I could just get my mind off it, and stop thinking about it. What a mental battle!

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