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Oxycodone withdrawal - Help please
  1. #151
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Awesome post, Catherine.

    Gracie......I hope you meet some nice people Monday night. I think the yoga will also be really good for your depression, and help your mind to clear.

    Please eat, though!
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  2. #152
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie,

    You've been on my mind so much today. I just ran out for a bit, and had the stereo on in the car, and I remembered when I was about where you are in my detox that I found it very beneficial to listen to music from my younger years. Music from when I was hopeful and knew nothing about pain pills. Like Journey...."Break those chains that bind you'...and even newer stuff like 'Train'.....Soul Sister........they have done studies showing music lifts you out of depression. Hey, you love Paris.....listen to Edith Piaf.....lol...jk.

    Just a thought. It's rainy here today, so I took off.....and kinda bored, so I'm doing a Law & Order marathon, and all over the forum....lol!
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  3. #153
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie, where are you?? I hope you have not sunk into the "slough of despond" (one of my all-time favs from literature, The Pilgrim's Progress). Really though, I hope you are not there and instead are out doing some things. Life can so drag us down if we let it.

    Please post something; you have a lot of friends and admirers here love!
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  4. #154
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    I love your approach Catherine!!! Those are truly baby steps, and exactly what I need. I've failed before, just like your coworker did. Tried to go at it too hard and/or did too much. The failure is devastating. I'm going to follow your lead on this and set tiny goals, like just go to yoga class. Even if I only watch.

    Yesterday was okay. Walked around a couple stores. Didn't buy anything. It felt good to be out. I'm going to do it again today. I sorted through the mail. Tossed the junk. So now I have a neat pile. I'm going to go through them 5 pieces at a time, starting this morning. I got laundry done yesterday. Still need to fold it. I took it out of the dryer and put it on the bed this morning so it will be folded by bedtime. Incredible how I have to push myself.

    I even have to push myself to sleep in my bed. Since my husband died I've slept on the couch virtually every night. Talk about a bad habit, and one that causes a tremendous back pain. I have to make a truly conscious effort every night to get into bed. It's hit and miss. I'm going to try the itsy bitsy baby steps with that, too. I'm going to start going in and lying down in bed for a few minutes every night around bedtime. If I get up fine, but I'm hoping after 2 weeks I'll be sleeping in bed.

    Thank you sooo much for the guidance Catherine!!!!

  5. #155
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Yay Gracie!! Start a book (maybe one you have read before, and love; certainly NOTHING remotely ambitious) and leave it by your bed. Seduce yourself to go there. Perhaps a light snack or something to drink that you put there earlier. And plan a time you are going to get IN bed. You do not have to sleep then-that's what the book is for.

    Where's that jigsaw puzzle? Great thing to do before bed; gets your mind off things (and you off the couch, lol).

    Hey, I have 3 piles now of clean laundry that needs folding...

  6. #156
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Gracie,

    Just thinking about you today as I go about cleaning house! I needed a break so here I am. You may recall that in one post I mentioned that I thought glitter all over the floor was fun? I take that back. I've also decided that kinetic sand in the carpet isn't fun either. Weekend here and grandkids. Laundry going and getting ready to tackle that glitter and sand.

    Just keep on keeping, my friend. It takes time and at first it really is all about forcing yourself to do things. Catherine is absolutely correct in taking bits at a time. Soon you will notice that a lot of things are no longer important and you will have more time to do the things that you are finding you enjoy. I'm essentially lazy physically but newly clean I began to at least walk. Even though I have a stick with a shoe on it to kick my own butt, I make myself walk. By the time I get to the end of the driveway I'm up to speed and feel like I could run the Boston Marathon. I'd be dead at the end (actually about 26 miles from the end).

    Peace,

    Cat
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  7. #157
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Hi Gracie!
    You rock .. Isn't is funny the habits we develop when we are on pills.. Strange I was sleeping/ nodding almost sitting up in my bed.. Now I go in on the other side and make sure my bed is flat when I go to sleep..
    I heard we have to change almost everything.. Even baby steps feel good..

    This is our time to recreate our life's!!! Anyway we want .

    Go for it!!

    All the best

    Bet
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  8. #158
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Well, it's bedtime. I'm in bed, with my laptop and a magazine. Drink on my nightstand (juice). All tucked in. lol. I did my 5 pieces of mail. Yay me.

    Cat - glitter and sand? Sheesh. Ya know what? You'll be finding it still next year this time. When I got married they threw rice at/in the car. We had it for 10 years and had it detailed dozens of times. The day we traded it we still found rice in the back. lol. Beach sand is the worst. The sand here is sugary. I'm constantly after it.

    You're right Ilovetosmile. This is a chance to build the life we want. Knowing what we want may be easy, but it takes a lot of work to change those old habits, huh? I'm working on it.

    Got a big day tomorrow. Mom in the morning (she has an mri), and my yoga. I'm hitting the hay.

    Night everyone!!!
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  9. #159
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Just fabulous, Gracie!! I am so proud of you!!

    Funny, Iluv2smile, I read the word "recreate" as in recreation. Yup, I need to recreate myself (kind of like walking the dog) so I am off to the mall. My uncle used to say "We are going to recreate if it kills us!"

    Gracie, I had to start this morning with: just get out of bed. Ok, now you are up. Wash your face. Put on some clothes. Ok, now you are dressed, might as well go downstairs and have coffee with the computer. Now I read the note about "recreate". Going to the mall. Once there, I "might" get out of the car...and so on... It is a daily battle and when fought daily it is manageable. Lets keep going!

    Quote Originally Posted by Iluv2smile View Post
    Hi Gracie!
    You rock .. Isn't is funny the habits we develop when we are on pills.. Strange I was sleeping/ nodding almost sitting up in my bed.. Now I go in on the other side and make sure my bed is flat when I go to sleep..
    I heard we have to change almost everything.. Even baby steps feel good..

    This is our time to recreate our life's!!! Anyway we want .

    Go for it!!

    All the best

    Bet

  10. #160
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Big day ahead! Slept in my bed. Yay. Felt great. Have to take mom for her MRI this morning. That'll get me out of the house. This evening at 5:30 is yoga. Wish me luck everyone. I'll be back later....
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  11. #161
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Wow! I did it. Yoga was great. I just kinda went through the poses, learning. Several people there. Very nice. I spoke with a couple people after class. They're new, too. I'm really going to like this.

    I had a good day. Best day I've had in a week. I spent a lot of the day reading. Every time I got up I did something. Load the dishwasher. Read. Take out trash. Read. Fold clothes. Read. Little things, but they made me feel productive. The day went really fast. So I'm in bed now, laptop, and juice and some crackers on the night stand. The bedroom is clean. I'm looking around and it occurs to me I want to make it cozier. A little sanctuary. I think that will help get me in here into bed every night. I'm so happy about today. I really felt like I accomplished some things. Nothing big, but something.

    I'm really feeling like I can do this. My mind is churning with ideas for a new morning routine. I'm the worst about getting up and spending too much time lolly gagging instead of getting into the shower immediately. That needs to change. By the time I get in the shower half the day is gone. I hate that. Tomorrow I start working on that. One cup of coffee and into the shower so I can have the day ahead of me. Right now m going to revel n today's success. Yay me!!!!

  12. #162
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Great Gracie!! Lordy lordy, is this the same person?? So happy about yoga, and bed routine. You have me huffing and puffing toward the end of your post though; remember, baby steps. Keep that feeling of accomplishment going at a slow but steady pace so you can savor it. I sometimes think that the road out of depression and back to happiness is nothing more than developing the habits that, over time, allow us to look back on each day and see the good things we have done rather than all the undone (reminds me of the undead).

    Lolly gagging is not bad for now. Set aside one day a week that you are going to get up and get right into the shower. Then be sure you do that on that day. Habit Habit Habit. Write down all those ideas for your new morning routine and do only one of them per day. In fact make out a schedule: Monday, I will, Tuesday I lollygag for an hour, then I will... and so on. Baby steps, baby steps. Avoid the disappointment that comes by trying to do too many things.

    And good for you Gracie; many pats on the back!

  13. #163
    silverlining1 is offline Senior Member
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    Good going, Gracie......

    So many things you related to us on here have struck a chord, but you are moving on....and that has made me so happy. You will be fine.....you gave of yourself, all these years....but, NOW is your time....grasp it, embrace it. You, my cyber friend have a wonderful life in front of you. Go out and get it!!!!

  14. #164
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Thanks Catherine and Silver. I hope I get this right. I've screwed up so many things in past. I'm so ready for a change. I think I'm in a good position in life. I just have to remember that. Hard to do on mornings like this. Don't know why I woke up feeling like this was all pointless. Well I do know. I'm in pain. My lower back is killing me. What I wouldn't give to be pain free. This is the worst my pain has been since quitting Percs. And it bites cuz I can't stay home today. Have to take mom to the doc.

    Days like this I resent people who don't have pain. They don't know how good life is for them. I have a feeling my old life of 24/7 pain is upon me again. That's why I started taking pills in the first place. So I'm not so sure this is gonna work out like I wanted. My head is spinning trying to figure out how to make it.

    Very bad day. Fighting the urge to go to the ER.

  15. #165
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie, think the ER through to the inevitable conclusion and you won't go there. BTW my CDA sponsor lives with chronic back pain and she swears by Yoga; might this help you too? I hope so.

    I live with constant pain from my arm injury 10 years ago (I doubt it is as bad as back pain, but very annoying at the least). I HAVE found it is somewhat less since I quit the pain pills. I am now trying some alternatives: physical therapy, and general therapeutic exercises. Also, I find if I am busy I mostly forget about it.

    We are with you...
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  16. #166
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    I decided against a trip to the ER. I'm lying in bed, watching tv. Managed to get some sleep after I got home. I think I tried to do too much the last couple days. Too much too fast. A trip to the ER would have been the easy way out, and useless. Not to mention I'd probably be going nuts right now wanting more pain pills. This is hard, adjusting to pain without those little pills. I do okay without them until the pain ramps up. I've got to slow down and pace myself, and it looks like my new life going to focus on a routine that is pain mgt centered. I have to be proactive about it, too, because once I let myself get in serious pain I'm down for the count.

    Tomorrow morning I'm going to see if doing a little yoga in the living room and getting in the hot tub first thing makes for a better day. Let's hope so. Thanks for the encouragement Catherine. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down.
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  17. #167
    Iluv2smile is offline Platinum Member
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    Gracie
    You are doing great!
    Good decision to skip the ER !
    I am so proud of you
    You have worked to hard to take a chance

    I will check on you again
    Hugs,
    Bet

  18. #168
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Good Morning Gracie,

    I'm sorry I haven't posted. I have been trying to read and keep up but haven't made time to post to you in a while. I read your post from yesterday and so wanted to respond but it was late and my old brain couldn't get my typing fingers in gear, let alone put words together.

    The pain. Yeah I get it. Newly clean, people here would tell me that it would settle down and over the counter stuff would help, etc., etc. I was thinking, "oh sure it will!". You know, eventually it did. I have DDD, several that are thread bare, sciatica and arthritis in my spine. Most mornings I hobble out of bed but find that once I get 'er moving it's not so bad. On especially bad days, Motrin or Aleve really do help. Keeping my mind busy and walking helps a lot too. Early on in my recovery I would obsess about the "what if's". Someday I'm likely to need surgery. "What if." This recovery stuff is all about one day at a time with a lot of things including just not using. Today, I don't need surgery so I don't think about it. Our addict brains go there early on but then we learn to deal with things in an entirely different way. A way that isn't surrounded by the what if's and considering alternatives. Yes, it also includes dealing with some physical discomfort at times. This is still a lot better than dealing with an active addiction.

    I'll check in later. I hope that you find today a better day for yourself.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  19. #169
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie, so glad you didn't give in to the ER. We all do know where that goes. One thing I might suggest is googling a support group. I am sure there are many (perhaps even on this site?). I believe we get the best information from people who have the same problem. I could not have done the withdrawal without all the excellent help here.

    Its gong to take time, and you are probably right about trying to do too much. I am posting on my thread my own exigencies of the day, and keeping my morning posts short; late for the mall!

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    Default wrong thread

    I'm sorry, wrong thread
    Last edited by Anonymous; 09-25-2014 at 01:01 PM. Reason: wrong thread

  21. #171
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie, where are you?? Is everything OK?
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  22. #172
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Morning everyone. I'm feeling better this morning. Head is a little clearer. Sitting on the patio (lolly gagging) staring at the hot tub. In a bit I'm going to get in. Then a shower. I like that morning routine. I'm fast learning not to plan a full day for myself. A shower is the only must for mornings. The rest I take as it comes. I find my motivation waxes and wanes throughout the day so I tell myself I'll just wait for it and then find something to do.

    Catherine and Silver I've been checking up on y'all. Glad the mall walk is going great Catherine. Your dedication to that one thing inspires me to get my reader in gear. And Silver I'm thrilled about the progress your friend is making. She's very lucky to have you!

    I did a little eBay therapy last night. Put together a costume for the Halloween party in Denver. Today I have to buy a plane ticket. You'd think if have already done that, but no. Even little things are still monumental tasks at times. I seem to be bouncing back and forth between good days and bad. I guess that's normal but I'll be glad when it levels out.

    I've been thinking about maybe getting a dog. It's been 2 yrs since I lost my beloved Jack Russell. There's nothing like the unconditional love of a pet. I've been looking at rescues on the net. After I get back from Denver I think I'll be adopting.

    I bought mom an origami activity set. All that paper folding makes her mind work. Good for her dementia.

    I went through about 10 pieces of mail yesterday. Yay me. Don't know what today holds. I'll just take it as it comes.

    Hanging in there...

  23. #173
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Gracie, you sound calmer and that is good! Silverlining1 pointed out something she read: that just 10 minutes of walking gets the endorphins pumping. I think I can attest to that. Haven't walked yet (going with hubby later) and I feel (without the mall walk) that I haven't taken my "happy" pill. 10 minutes. That is amazing.

    Denver is a great place for walking; look up urban trails for that city. I know Cherry Creek is wonderful, and a walk around Larimer Square is good for retail therapy as well.

  24. #174
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    You do sound better Gracie. Be patient and as you venture out to do things that will make you happy you will become more comfortable in your own skin. A trip to Denver--that's great!!! Now seriously, how does it feel to make those plans without the pill counting???? That was among my favorite things.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  25. #175
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Uh oh Gracie! The last post was on the 26th? What's up with you? Not sinking into depression are you? Please post; I'll check back later...
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  26. #176
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    OH GRACIE---Where are you? We need to hear from you sweetie. Catherine is having anxiety attacks!

    Peace,

    Cat
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  27. #177
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Hi ladies. You guys made me smile. Thank you for checking up on me. I guess I have kind of sunk into depression. I just feel so... blah. My next door neighbor (she uses her condo for vacation) was here with a few friends this weekend. I spent some time with them (church yesterday morning and brunch this morning). It was sooo hard. I just wasn't in a visiting mood. There were flashes of having a good time so I tell myself that's a good sign. I dunno what's going on. Weather? It's been rainy for over 2 days, dreary kind of rainy. I did a little stretching yesterday morning and this morning. It does feel good. I have to use Catherine's approach to get it done though. First I just sit in the floor a few minutes. Then as long as I'm down there I do a stretch. It works.

    I think my mind is trying to adjust to a new way of feeling. Or the lack of the way it used to feel. I can't figure it out. I just feel like I should have more motivation. But I tell myself I didn't get this way in a week so it's gonna take a while to redirect life in a healthy direction. The journey is long. Trying to see even the smallest things as an accomplishment for the day. My depression is so much worse right now. I see it for what it is though and I'm just trying to ride it out. Even if I feel like I'm just going through the motions I do it.

    I bought my plane ticket for Denver. I'll be there from 10/22 til 11/3. I think travel was a good idea. Several of my friends in the Denver area are retired military, including one of my best friends. I need to be around people right now. I know some time there with my friends will help.

    Tonight is yoga night. I mention it because if I do I know I won't talk myself out of going. lol. Accountability. Whatever works.
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  28. #178
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Gracie,

    I've been thinking a lot about you last night and this morning. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. I was trying to remember the process and timeline for getting my mind back and to be happy again (mostly). This is just something that is so difficult to put into words. The closest I can get to doing that is that it was when I stopped trying to be happy, stopped trying to will it to happen, and stopped waiting for it to happen. Instead, I let it happen and it did. Does that make sense? I think that looking for peace and happiness only created angst and impatience. I found myself looking for people I could be around who would joke and laugh and limit the drama of others as much as I can. I think I'm kinda like a sponge and will absorb the moods of others so I began to seek out those who would lift my mood and it did. At first, it was only when I was around them but then I took it with me.

    You've done so well. Don't let the funk get you down. It will come and go. Try to get around people. I really do think that's what worked for me.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  29. #179
    Catherine120813 is offline Senior Member
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    Catrina, good advice for me this morning (see my post on my thread).

    Gracie, we really are early in this recovery process, and the "quick fix" is no longer there. I feel more than ever that I need the support of people here (yourself included) to keep making progress. JedMi's thread is good to read; he went through some really difficult times and seems to be doing well now. Wish he would post more often.

    Anyway, I am off to my step-daughter's today (Michigan). A little apprehensive. She will have all kinds of pain meds and I just have to get through this! I will be posting and attaching myself to people here like peanut butter on bread!

    So glad you posted; I was anxious, as Cat said...

  30. #180
    Gracie111 is offline Member
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    Very well said Cat. I think you kind of nailed it as far as what I'm feeling. I think I keep expecting to wake up one morning and magically be changed. And I am obssessing way too much on it. I like your insight on just letting the happy come. Today I'm just gonna think about today, and having a good day. I'm going to see mom for a few hours so that will help.

    Yoga was good. Felt a little more comfortable. Getting to know a few gals. It really was a good session. I felt awesome after.

    You are so right Catherine. There's no quick fix. It's a daily thing, as I'm learning. Are you still at your step-daughter's? You'll be fine. Stay strong!

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