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Please help...
  1. #1
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Default Please help...

    Well I never thought I would ever be looking for advice. In short I'm 41 and been on every opiate there is for the last four years. Today is my last day and quitting cold turkey. As of today I took my last 80mg of extended relief OC. Last week I went three days with out anything and believe it or not felt pretty good. Problem I have is once I start thinking about catching that buss it's hard to get it out of my head. I know three days is really not much but it's a start. I'm going to do this because I'm sick of not ever having money, and I have a awesome daughter and wife. As of a few weeks Avon she has been questioning me about pills so I can't take it anymore. I guess I just need to get this off my chest. Thank you everyone

    Just want to be normal again.

  2. #2
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    Check out the Thomas recipe. I think it helped me and a lot of people seem to think so. Hot showers/baths over and over. Stay hydrated and eat even if you don't feel like it. If you can sleep that's great. I couldn't. Instead of laying in bed in the dark I'd just get up. Fighting it made it worse, it will come back in time. I know how tough it is but it will get better.

  3. #3
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    I have to try to keep it as low profile as I can. I don't want to raise any flags for my wife. I know that I want to get clean and end this BS. I got myself into it now I have to dig myself out. I'm just scared I guess like most ppl. I'm so glad I found all of you on this site.

  4. #4
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    We all know how tough it is. You might not physically feel great for a few days. But if you stay positive and as busy as possible it makes the time go by quicker. The mental part was the toughest for me. When I was using I was content with being lazy and watching tv. I get bored easier now. Find a hobby or something to do with your spare time. You can do this.

  5. #5
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Well it's going to be interesting. Does melatonin help anyone sleep at night or is there something else I can get without a prescription to help with sleep?

  6. #6
    Anonymous Guest

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    I've never tried melatonin. Nothing I found helped me, it just took time.

  7. #7
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    Hey Knot,
    I think we have all felt this way before... knot me ugh... WHY?
    The way I look at it.... the more we experience, the more helpful and sympathetic we can be to others. For whatever reason, we are here.
    So, WELCOME to the best place in the world to learn about your addiction.
    It's great that you can get to day 3 without many physical set backs, but I understand that the mental battle takes over and caving is all we can think of.
    This time you really have to want it. You have to live and breathe it. You have to put your sobriety right out in the open in order to face it.
    It took a long time for me to tell people about it. I understand how scary it is and that if you just beat it by yourself and no one has to know that it will be like it didn't happen. But I also know that this is what has kept my addiction growing stronger over the years because I felt like it was my misery and no one else knew.
    People can tell, and they may not know what it is but when my husband finally knew, he had an AH HA moment. He thought I was cranky with him or depressed, then other times had lots of energy. He could feel it off me and blamed himself. It was a relief for him to know what was going.
    By the second time trying to quit he was a little less patient, but I let him know that addiction in cunning because I had learned about it and I educated him, and didn't use it as an excuse but as a motivator to make it this time.
    It took me many times, as this is the case for mostly all of us.
    Whatever path you choose, you will get support her. You will be able to open up to others and they will understand you.
    The THOMAS RECIPE is so helpful, and just time. Sleep was the last thing to come for many of us, but I did find melatonin to work somedays. My recommendation is to take it 30 minutes before sleep and be in a darker place. I slept when I could and even went to work on little to no sleep. It feels yucky but working through it made the day go by faster.
    I watched a lot of videos on YouTube by Ryan Donnelly who's main purpose is to help others comes off opiates.
    I learned about what happens to the brain form opiods, I went to meetings and I stayed close to this site.
    We are very happy to have you here because it means you have decided that enough is enough and you're ready to get rid of this beast.
    Love and light
    Butterfly xxoo

  8. #8
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    I already believe it or not feel a lot better opening up to the ppl that have replied to me. Another thing that's frustrates me is a lot of my friends are on these also. I know I need to cut my ties with all of these people to, to get away from all this. But if I can't find the pills it will make things a lot easier I believe. I have even thought about changing my phone number so I can't be reached. I thank you guys so much for support all ready. My addiction is a lot I believe mind over matter. I just have to grab this by the horns and get on with it. I believe my best bet is cold turkey just get away from the >>>> once and for all. Thank you so much Butterfly I feel like I met a new friend

  9. #9
    ItsPossible is offline Member
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    You are so right about mind over matter. Doesn't mean it will be easier but I am glad you know that you have a choice.
    I still have that one friend that I know I can get from if I need but she is further away from me and not worth the drive. It helps to know that you are unable to get them so telling people not to give them to you is key. Although I did tell my husband never to do it and he will do anything for me so I have to be the one to never put that on him.
    The truth will set you free. Whether it is on here or in "real" life.... trust that this is happening just as it should to get you to where you are going.
    I love that you are excited about this. You should be. The best is yet to come!
    You can def call me friend xxoo
    love and light
    Butterfly xxoo

  10. #10
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Does anyone think by getting few methadone would help through withdrawal? I'm thinking I need another day or two to start my cold turkey. I'm such a wimp. Damn it
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  11. #11
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by KnotMeUgh View Post
    Does anyone think by getting few methadone would help through withdrawal? I'm thinking I need another day or two to start my cold turkey. I'm such a wimp. Damn it
    I would highly recommend that you not do that. They have a long half life and will likely just extend your detox. It's Friday and your last pill was yesterday. Perfect timing in my opinion. Today shouldn't be bad, Day ones have always been totally doable until the overnight hours. You'll have the weekend and by Monday, you'll be better than half way there. Don't know where you live, but that nasty flu is going around here (for real). Too bad if you catch it and are not up to par for the next 5 days or so and we all know how weak and tired we are after having had the flu.

    Get what you can from the Thomas Recipe and get 'er done! Keep posting!

    Peace,

    Cat

  12. #12
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Well I did my last pill last night and I saved a quarter of it for this morning just in case. What the hell was I thinking. Now I just want to take it so I don't have it. I'm to weak to flush it down the drain.

  13. #13
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    You're not too weak knotme. This is a big change in life and I know how tough it is. You've got to really decide that this is what you want to do and stick to it. Flush it. The sooner you stop the sooner you will feel better! I took my last dose on a Thursday and by Monday I could work, I don't think you will any different.

    How much is that last quarter REALLY going to do for you..?

  14. #14
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Omg I'm such a fool I took the quarter. I'm so mad at myself. This is crazy I can't believe I did that. I'm so stupid. This is it. Tomorrow I'm starting my trip to becoming a better person. I really should have just flushed it. Your absolutely right it didn't do a thing. Now I'm so down on myself for screwing up. I told myself last night that was it. Now instead of today being my first day clean it will be tomorrow. I don't go back to work till Tuesday and really should have takin advantage of this. I just want to cry

  15. #15
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    Dont get too down on yourself. It's just 1 more day. I would bet you will be alright by Tuesday. Not 100% but okay. This weekend will be tough, but you can do it. Get the Thomas recipe stuff and stick it out. This time next week you're going to be so glad you did this. Rooting for you!

  16. #16
    Lastchance186 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by KnotMeUgh View Post
    Omg I'm such a fool I took the quarter. I'm so mad at myself. This is crazy I can't believe I did that. I'm so stupid. This is it. Tomorrow I'm starting my trip to becoming a better person. I really should have just flushed it. Your absolutely right it didn't do a thing. Now I'm so down on myself for screwing up. I told myself last night that was it. Now instead of today being my first day clean it will be tomorrow. I don't go back to work till Tuesday and really should have takin advantage of this. I just want to cry
    Knotme

    OKC21 is right you are being to hard on yourself right now, the drug is very cunning and the mind is clever.... You didn't flush it and that's okay you still have tomorrow....

    I can tell your soul is ready for a transformation and you are a trooper for taking the first step to claiming your life back...

    One thing we remember is just one is never enough and a thousand is to many... I know before you decided to post you read many thread where we have fallen down it's the strong one that get back up and get back on the horse and ride. When you fall your eagle is bruised and your feeling are hurt.... The real trooper are those who came back for a second and third challenge until they got it right....

    Take today while your mind is still clear to make a plan.... of detox and recovery.... Stay close to the board.... I find keeping journal of my progress is very therapeutic as well as helpful, when I feel like oh just one I go back and read the hell I went through getting to where I am.... Today! Good luck!

  17. #17
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Just want to thank all of you that have gave me advice. My day starts tomorrow to the road of freedom of this stuff. I may blow this site up for the next few days. I just have to remember it will get better and to just keep myself busy. Will be pretty hard on Easter in front of everyone and going to church. But hell, people go through much worse things in life then this. I have to remember I will start feeling better in a few days. I give the people on here all the credit in the world who quit cold turkey on a large dosage of these >>>> pills. I love you guys and I'm always here for anyone. I may be new to the site, but a veteran to this hell of a ride.

    Thanks Me

  18. #18
    Lastchance186 is offline Member
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    Going to Church yes pray God know what you are going through prayer always helps me get through this....We have to beleive in a higher power than self....

    God is great and good... He will pull you through.. He knows your struggle.... He waiting for you to ask him for help!

  19. #19
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Wish I could get put in a coma for three weeks and come out feeling way better. Does anyone have a timeline sorta type thing for withdrawal onset?

  20. #20
    Ming23 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Knotme
    How much were you taking? And what? You mentioned the extended release Oxy. Catrina will help you through the head trip since she herself jumped from a very high dose of pills.
    Don't take the methadone as it prolongs the detox. You could be off the pills in a week!
    Today could be the day you don't take any pills. Start with today. One day.
    In the end, it's always just one day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow-who knows? But today is yours to decide.
    Hang in there & post when you can. It helps.
    Catrina likes this.

  21. #21
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    How you doing? I don't see a post from you yet today but hope you check in soon. You want a timeline, I know this inside and out. Not giving you permission to give up, but saying we all know this is hard but if we keep quitting we can and will get there.

    As I mentioned in my other post, none (I had plenty) of my Day 1's were bad. I always went to work and physically had no problems so keeping my head busy was a huge help. So today, stay busy, busy, busy. Make your wife happy and get some chores done. Anything but pacing around fighting with yourself to make that call or not. My symptoms would begin to kick up around bedtime of Day 1. Sorry. I know this is the worst possible time.

    By Day 2, I was in full blown withdrawal. Bathroom trips (Immodium handled those quite nicely!), aches and those wretched restless legs. Hot baths will help big time but unfortunately, the relief is temporary and the aches and leg thing will be back pretty quickly. I used heating pads (Yes. More than one). I'd do my best to wrap one around each leg and every now and again move one to my back. I'm afraid that I was like Okc and nothing really helped with sleep. At least not in the beginning. The first couple of nights I fought with my bed and made myself crazy trying to fall asleep. Finally, I just got up and I'd read and post here for hours just to get through the night. I'd find something on TV to watch and I'm proud to say that I am can now say that I think I've seen every episode of Law & Order.

    There's good news and bad news here. The good news is that once my symptoms peaked on Day 2, they didn't get any worse. The bad news is that they didn't get any better either! On Day 5, the aches and restless legs were gone quite abruptly and didn't return. Sleep took more time but at least I was comfortable. Weak much like I just got over the flu but comfortable. I returned to work on Day 6. It was very odd. I might nod off and pray that I'd slept for at least a few hours but it would be for only 10 or 15 minutes but I was able to work and didn't feel all that tired. It was very weird. Sleep returned gradually and I would be able to fall asleep for an hour or two, be up for a few hours and then catch another hour. So, hide the clocks. So frustrating but I could deal with it so long as I stopped fighting it and trusted that it would get better and of course, it did. I'd set very small goals for myself during the day. When I just wanted to throw the towel in, I'd tell myself wait 15 minutes and if wanted to make that call, I could. Then I'd do it all over again until I was setting 1 hour goals until it became too late to make that call. It made it easier for the overnight hours that I had no choice but make it until morning and then I'd start all over again.

    One other thing I feel likeI should mention is that early on, even when we can sleep it will feel different somehow. So even when we do get some sleep we don't feel that rested for a while. I can't explain this that clearly except to say it's different but you will adjust and get used to it.

    Once the acute symptoms pass, we are amazed with the clarity and it's very rewarding. Like a new discovery. You will begin to feel things you haven't felt in a long time. I had no idea just how much I had numbed all of it. For me, it was mostly anger. Sounds like that would be an awful thing to be faced with newly clean. It wasn't! I actually quite enjoyed it. This is where your recovery work MUST begin whatever it is. Unfortunately, once we've survived detox, we aren't magically better. We just aren't used to the emotional turmoil or the urge to seek that once "last" pill. I'd leave work and debate whether to make that call or go home. Sometimes I'd sit in my car and have a good talk with myself. I'd start my car and at each turn I'd fight to make the decision to turn the right way until I arrived home. One day at a time was still a lofty task. Often it was to just get through that moment knowing that it would pass if I let it.

    One last thing and I know others have already said it but I'm going to say it again. I thought (hoped) that no one knew of my addiction. I was kidding myself. Most especially my family knew. My children are adults. So, when I didn't feel good I could hear their eyes rolling around in their head. They knew. How could they not? Whether we recognize it or not, we act differently when we're using. I was almost manic. Working 12 hour days, coming home and making a huge dinner, cleaning. Just not stopping. This just isn't normal. I now know much of it was guilt and trying to hide that what I really wanted to do was come home, flop on the couch and be alone with my high. These days after a 12 hr day and I'm tired, I announce it's take-out tonight and the dishes can wait until morning. I'm tired! Leave me alone. Turns out they're quite OK with it because this is was clean feels like.

    Sorry. Got carried away. Get through the next five days and we'll talk about how you never have to do this again. OK? I do expect that you'll be haunting this Forum at all times of the day and night. I just might be here. Turns out 6 years clean that I need no more than 6 hrs of sleep a night and I'm OK with that. It had been so long I had no idea how much sleep I really needed.

    If you have questions I might be able to answer, just ask. I'll try to answer them. For now, don't try to look too far ahead. Just get through now.

    Peace,

    Cat

  22. #22
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you so much with the help. Well I woke up today around 6 and feel ok so far. But it's only been 5 hours. But I can tell something is going on. I took a multi Vitamin and about to take 1600mg of ibuprofen. See how things go I guess. Yea I can't wait to toss and turn all night.

  23. #23
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Don't toss and turn. Get out of bed instead of disturbing your wife. Take a shower, find something on TV or read some of the older, longer threads here. You'll learn a lot and see that you really aren't alone and that this can be done. I suggest older threads because you'll find more of them by people doing cold turkey. That's the way it was when I first joined and it'll be easier for you to relate. Worst thing is to try to fall asleep or get comfortable if it's just not going to happen. I allowed myself 15 minutes to fall asleep and if it wasn't happening, I'd just get up. Less frustrating.

    Peace,

    Cat

  24. #24
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Yea I plan on sleeping on the couch or in the spare room down stairs tonight. It's going to be hard as hell tomorrow cause of Easter. Having a lot of ppl over. Scared as hell about that. Well made it another hour lol

  25. #25
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    So far it's been Ok I guess. Stomach feels really weird can't explain it. Haven't been able to go to the bathroom, sure it's constipation. I feel a little tired hoping for no Restless legs tonight. I really just want to goto sleep till morning. I called for a pill and never went. I give myself credit there. I need to keep going with this. Going to try a sleeping pill and melatonin. Scared for tomorrow with Easter and family will all be here. Wth did I do ....

  26. #26
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Your stomach is likely brewing to let loose. Sorry. Kinda graphic but it is what it is. It's a relief for a bit and then use Immodium as per instructions and it will keep it under control. The instructions say you can take one with each "event" and don't be afraid to do that.

    Tomorrow. I bet you are getting nervous but you'll be OK. Is the company at your house or are you going out? If you can't get through it, well you know that crazy azz flu that's going around. Make your exit. That's the plan, Sam. Now is not the time to worry about anything but taking care of you. It'll just be a few days.

    (Let your phone go dead, please!)

    Peace,

    Cat

  27. #27
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Cat

    I truly believe I took the wrong time to start my cold turkey. With Easter tomorrow and two Doctor appointment Monday that have takin me three months to get into. I'm serious thinking just takin 20mg tomorrow and 20 mg Monday then starting Tuesday. I know it seems like a way out but I'm honestly scared to face my family and two doctors. I start work next week and I think I would truly be better off doing all this during work. I can't be around the house so much so my wife sees me. Please give me your great advice. I already think I found you as a great person to talk to.

    Me

  28. #28
    KnotMeUgh is offline Junior Member
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    Well it's been 6 days and tomorrow it will be a week of being off everything.. I got this no problem. Only thing is I can't sleep at all. When does it get better? I maybe get a couple minutes a night. It's brutal ...
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  29. #29
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by KnotMeUgh View Post
    Well it's been 6 days and tomorrow it will be a week of being off everything.. I got this no problem. Only thing is I can't sleep at all. When does it get better? I maybe get a couple minutes a night. It's brutal ...
    Congratulations on getting through this. Sleep. Or lack thereof was always the last lingering issue for me too. It will begin to return gradually any time. The point is that for me it was gradual. A few more days, (sorry!) and you may catch a night that you sleep for 4 or 5 hrs and then have another tough nite. I know it seems impossible that we're able to function on little to no sleep but we can do it. Be aware too, that I found that sleep felt different when I got clean. Hard to explain. Almost like it wasn't a sound sleep?? It gets better and it will begin anytime.

    Glad you posted with your update. Don't make yourself scarce here. Post, post post!!! Congratulations again.

    Peace,

    Cat

  30. #30
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    Hey Knot

    Just read through your thread and let me be the first to congratulate you!!!! You did it. 6 days WOW!!
    I hit March 26th posting and thought for sure we lost you. You talked about it not being the right time and how you were going to wait. I'm sorry, I really thought we weren't going to hear from you again. Oh I am soooo glad I was wrong. How was it? Probably something like described in one of Cat's post, but it sounds like physically your on your way up. The sleep thing is still going to be a slow battle, but it will come back. Just trust that every single second of everyday you don't use, your body and brain are healing. Our brain has so many open opiate receptors after using for so long, it takes time for them to start making the regular amount of dopamine and serotonin again.

    Just be on guard of the head games that can still cloud your judgement. Now that the w/d's have passed, you have to start re-establishing new healthy habits. Your brain will tend to want to fall back on old behaviors. Treating yourself will have a new meaning. "Well I've done so good for so long, one pill won't hurt" that one pill will hurt... don't be fooled. I know many use this time to start eating right and exercising which is great to bring those "feel good" endorphins back.

    Did you end up telling your wife? or anyone? It can really take a weight off your shoulders if you could open up to someone. Especially your wife as I think you wrote in one of you post that she knew something was up. Many times we don't realize what we put our spouses through. Some think it's something they did wrong that caused your crazy behavior, or even worse, that there is an affair going on. We can't blame them for having those feelings, so it could be a relief to hear it's addiction related. It could also bring you closer together. Please think about confiding in her. If your wife isn't and option how about NA, AA or even a private therapist??Being an addict usually stems from deeper issues in the past or in childhood, that caused us to want to numb ourselves from emotional pain.

    So, anyway just some food for thought. Please know that we NEVER hold judgement about anything. Everyone on this forum only want's the very best for you. Keep us updated when you can and again a BIG CONGRATS!! Your doing amazing. Keep up the good work. Here rooting for you

    Blessings
    Shelly
    xxoo
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