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pregnant and addicted
  1. #1
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Good morning all,

    I posted a question the other day, but apparently it takes a while for them to allow it to be posted. hopefully it is not the same case here. ANYWHOO...

    Heres a short background on myself so that you can get a feel for my problem and why I am here....

    I struggled with a hydrocodone and tramadol addiction for approximately 7 years and recently quit CT from both back in April of 2015. I was taking up to 15 10mg norcos a day and when I had them, up to maybe 5 50mg tramadol a day. There came a point in my life when the money stopped flowing and it just wasnt worth it anymore. I was on the verge of losing everything. so fast forward to today....

    I am 28 years old and expecting my first child in October. I am almost 26 weeks pregnant. Its been a tough pregnancy thus far. Migraines starting from the very beginning and not letting up. I have been to the ER, to a neurologist, to a walk in clinic.....finally my OB (after apparently going every route needed) gave me a prescription for 5mg norco. Tylenol wasnt cutting it and I was having to take ALOT of it for it to even dull the pain just a little bit. I was reluctant to take it, but my doctor said "a happy healthy mommy is a happy healthy baby."


    I went into it with the mindset that I had to keep a hold on this and keep it under control. I had my fiancee help me out and hold on to the prescription. It worked. Until one day i told him that I didnt need his help, that I trusted myself with them as should he. My OB gave me 2 more prescriptions after that. I was transferred to a different dr, a "high risk" doctor. I maintained the ability to be smart about taking these. Until one day I did not have any. And my new OB did not want to prescribe me anymore....to allow my body to do its thing and see how I felt.

    I went back to my old ways pretty quickly and got in touch with my contact for some Tramadol. So for about 2 months now I have been up to 200mg tramadol a day. I recently decided to quit CT but have been reading some really negative things on that. I am on day 2 and so far feeling..."okay".

    My question is....compared to my previous use and what i went through with withdrawal there (man was that HELL), what could I be looking at here as far as withdrawal? timeline? So far my baby is doing okay. I feel her moving around alot, her heartbeat is still very strong.....im just scared. I cant believe I let myself get in this situation again. I feel like such a failure and a bad mother. I just want to do right by my child. I feel I have already let her down though.

  2. #2
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Welcome Mommy,

    I can't get past the fact that your OB prescribed a narcotic to you knowing you are pregnant let alone for migraines! I used to suffer from intense debilitating migraines (until menopause ). What I learned during that time was that opiates are the least effective way to treat migraines. They cause rebound pain and just aren't effective. There are many other things that are not addictive and much more effective. Sorry. I had to get that out. This wasn't your fault. That doctor should have known better.

    Now with the tramadol. I've never been addicted to this stuff but I've read enough here on these boards to know that it can be some nasty stuff. Good news is that you're ready to do something now rather than later. I'd get into your doctor (same OB? ugh!) and let him know what's going on. I know that will be hard, but remember it's for the safety of your baby. In the meantime, if you're feeling OK then hopefully you're going to be OK. If it weren't for the fact that you're pregnant, I'd suggest you just keep at it and see how it goes. But you are pregnant so I honestly think you should get your doctor's advice just to be sure.

    Don't beat yourself up about this. The important thing is that you have some time to get and stay clean before you deliver. Just don't procrastinate because time does tend to get away from us. Good luck and keep posting so we know how you're doing.

    Peace,

    Cat

  3. #3
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    I was a little shocked that she prescribed a narcotic as well, but the neurologist said that any other medication that they would normally give people for migraines was not approved to be used during pregnancy, so he turned me away with NOTHING. So I of course put trust in my doctors and assume that they wouldnt do anything or give me anything that could cause me or my baby harm.

    Yes, I plan on sending a message to my OB. I am too afraid though that they will try to get CPS involved once she is born. I was hoping that by stopping now, that she would not have any withdrawal symptoms when being born and therefore they would have no reason to suspect that I used. Now, If for whatever reason they do test her meconium or something, like I said, I had a prescription for the drugs that she would test positive for. but still....Im so concerned and nervous about CPS getting involved that I am scared to open my mouth about it!

  4. #4
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    I wish there were more people out there that would be willing to reply and give me some help. surely there are some people that have been through this before? lol.

  5. #5
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Mommy,
    Please read through the threads on WD. I did a very low dose (prescribed) while pregnant with my son. But it was very small. 5/500 of Vicodin split in two or 4's for the first 8 weeks. I went through a WD. It was nothing like the one I just went through.. It was sleep and restless legs mostly.
    I want you to know that it is like a flu. 3-5 days of yuck. You really need to get off of this immediately. Allow your body to purge the pills. You have a child coming. Do you want your child to be born with pain and suffering coming off of opiates? No. No one does.
    You are stronger than you know. You can get through 3-5 days of yuck... You can quit. I believe in you. Here to support!

  6. #6
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    @smilingstorm,

    I osteoporosis definitely do not want my baby to be born on opiates. That's the biggest reason I'm stopping. It's not fair to her to keep doing this. So far it hasn't been too too bad. Definitely restless legs and anxiety. Hard to sleep of course. The thing is I am not sure what I can do to help alleviate these problems. The restless lega is something that I've had for a little while before my use began again. Do I ask my doctor what can help with these things (knowing that I'm not going to tell him about my use) or do I just muck it up and deal with it for the next few days?

    Today is day 3. I was awake most of the night worried and concerned if she was okay and making sure she was moving and all. I'm super paranoid right now.

  7. #7
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Today is definitely the hardest. Im more anxoius than I thought I would be after getting up and moving around here at work. Im so freaking tired I cant stand it. I could probably go to sleep right now, but it would not last long. Good thing is I still have an appetite so im eating (not just for me, but she needs food too) and im still moving around and forcing myself to do so. I so badly want to go home and lay around, but I know that will NOT help me even in the slightest bit.

    so here I am. Day 3. Hopefully I will stay this tired and just continue to get more tired so that when I go to fall asleep tonight, I can actually do so. **hopefully**

  8. #8
    Little_blue is offline Junior Member
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    Hey today is my first day here. I've been reading your story mommytobeofone and it sounds so much like mine. I found out I was pregnant when I was almost 2 months. I was taking 15-20 Norco and/or Percs a day the 10mg ones also. My OB Dr gave me a script of 7.5/325 Norco. She stated the hydro isnt what's gonna hurt your baby it's all the Tylenol your taking. I was also given them to me for my headaches and for my back. She also had me go see a specialist and that Dr told me the same as yours we cnt give you anything else dure to you be bro g pregnant except for the norcos. I didn't take them and I realized my withdrawal symptoms aren't nearly as bad while I was pregnant as they were when I wasn't. So also every baby does get tested for drugs ( well where I leave they do, it might be different where you are from). So I wouldn't chance that bc they will take your baby right then and there unless you have a script like you do so...... But you also dnt want the baby to come born having withdrawals. I'm not sure if that's what my baby had or not but for the first month no Drs could figure out why my baby keep crying and not sleeping or holding formula down. It would come from both ends it took me and her dad a good month to get her to were she was eating right and sleeping and I believe it had to do with the pain pills. I did look it up while I was pregnant and it says the pills stay in the baby system a lot longer then ours. But today my daughter is 7 and beautiful as ever and no problems which I'm so blessed for. But after she was born I went off on the deep end again and I got worse then what I was not by much but still and the withdrawals were bad I thought I was dieing and I had to take care of a baby all by myself bc her dad ended up in prison. I lost my apt almost everything if it wasn't for my mom I dnt know where I'd of been. I wish I would of stayed clean while I was pregnant. Right now I'm going threw a methadone program but I dnt really like it but it's helping but life is so much beautiful and happy sober escpecailly when you have a baby.. they grow so fast you can miss everything in a blink of an eye and you'll regret it. So keep your head up and good luck. I'm here if you need to talk

  9. #9
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Little_blue,

    Thank you for the reply. I am currently almost 27 weeks, and am hoping that by now the drugs are out of my system. I am hoping that this is giving my baby enough time to get the drugs out of her system as well so that she will not be born with withdrawals. I have been reading that it should be enough time. I am not so worried about the amount of Tylenol that I was ingesting because the norco only had 325mg per pill and I was only taking like 3 of those a day (when I had the prescription for it) and the tramadol doesnt have any acetaminophen in them anyways so.

    Anyways, I am really hoping that I can maintain a clean and sober life from here on out and not relapse before I give birth or even after. I have to be strong and know that this is for her, this is for a better life for both of us.

    Right now my fiancee and I are fighting over stupid piddly >>>>, so that doesnt help me keep the mindset of staying sober, no matter how much I want to for the baby. I am doing it though...it just makes it harder. pills have become my coping mechanism and even after being sober for months and months, I still find that every time things get hard or stressful or out of order, I just want to pop pills. Hopefully I can learn something different and better in the next months/years to come

  10. #10
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    I dont know why but today I am just really sad. Even with taking the anti depressants that were prescribed for me, I am feeling really in the dumps and just....not having a good day. Im restless and scared and nervous and sad. I have been crying all day long. My fiancee told me that he will be working late tonight. I hate being by myself at night, especially when im withdrawing. It makes me want to go get some so that the night will be more tolerable. I cant sleep without him, and yet I think I am going to have to. im a mess today and he doesnt care or get it.

  11. #11
    Little_blue is offline Junior Member
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    Hey mommytobeofone I know just how you are feeling . That's how I felt most of the times when I would go thru withdrawals. And most people think that it really easy to stop doing drugs. So he knows that you have this addiction and dnt want to help you get/stay clean and sober for your family. Maybe he doesn't know how to react or what to do and that's why he's acting like this but then again I dnt know any of you a guys so cut really say for sure you know. My husband works even g shift a lot and some days so I'm here with the kids. Just remember you are doing this for the baby and yourself. I'm here if you ever need to chat or whatever. Keep your head up it only gets better
    Little_blue

  12. #12
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Hey little_blue,

    He doesnt know about this relapse. I have kept it hidden from him, which makes me feel even worse because I feel like im letting down not just myself and this baby, but him as well. If he knew what I had been doing....oh man. IDK what would happen. Which is why I feel so extra guilty about making sure that nothing is wrong with the baby. If when she is born and grows up something IS wrong....I dont think I will be able to live with myself. But I am not trying to worry about that right now.

    Last night was tough. I felt like I was having withdrawals all over, like I was back at day 1. The first actual day of withdrawal and first night wasnt bad. I wonder if taking the Zoloft "in place" of the Tramadol has prolonged the actual withdrawal or something. IDK. I just know that I was able to fall asleep last night after trying to get comfortable for what seemed like forever, and then waking up 2 hours later with anxiety out the wahzoo and nauseous and stomach ache and backache. I got up, went to the bathroom, and went and laid back down. I closed my eyes, tried to count my breaths to lull me back to sleep, but I just kept having tingles and shakes. So after about 5 minutes of this >>>>, I got up. Went to my couch and started reading on my tablet. About 15 minutes later, I started to get sleepy. Went and laid back down, took about another 10 minutes to just get comfy, and then fell asleep for only about 2 and a half more hours. so basically I woke up every 2.5 hours last night. I was wide awake at 5 this am, not having to actually get up until 7. ugh.

    I am hoping tonight that exhaustion will just take over and I will be able to sleep. The dr said I can take some Tylenol PM, But I am afraid that the medicine in the "PM" part of it will actually keep me awake. Melatonin and Benadryl have adverse affects on me and keep me awake, so im afraid that would just be my luck lol.

    All in all, not having a very good day so far, but I am trying to stay positive and keep a smile on my face. Hard to do though when you feel like poopoo.

  13. #13
    Little_blue is offline Junior Member
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    Hey the Tylenol pm and the benadryl have the same meds if not the same very close. So it will prolly keep you up. Tylenol could be causing RLS. Also your stomach can hurt bc your bladder is going threw the Tylenol withdrawals. Look up nerve tonic and hylands leg cramps and there's another one that my husband takes for his RLS I'll have to find and let you know but look those up to make sure it's ok to take while pregnant. The nerve tonic works for my anxiety. I dnt believe there will be anyyhi g wrong with your little girl. Oh bananas are real good to eat before you go to bed. They help with your legs and to relax you. Eat 30 mins before bed and see if it works it may not for some people. Anyway I dnt think the Zoloft had any affect on the withdrawals coming back. And yes it must be really hard since your husband doesn't know. Sometimes I would just cry and cry and it would help a little. Make sure your staying hydrated also that'll make you feel better. Anyways I'm here for you hope it gets better for yoh. Keep your head up or it shouldn't be much longer of feeling like >>>>

    Little blue

  14. #14
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    You are doing great! I know, it doesn't feel that way.. But look how far you have come! I swear by the Hylands "Calm" for sleep, "Nerve Tonic" during the day, and of course the RLS. I am still using the products but not as much as I did in the beginning. Hot showers help an hour before bed. Maybe a fan at your feet? Bananas. A children's chewable (not sure what vitamins you can take).

    Your anxiety is very normal. You are getting clean for all the best reasons. For you and the little one. Sending you much positive!

  15. #15
    Little_blue is offline Junior Member
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    Hey yep that's the name of that medicine I was talking about hylands "calm".

  16. #16
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little_blue View Post
    Hey yep that's the name of that medicine I was talking about hylands "calm".
    I think, we are the firsts to talk about the other Hyland's options., Little Blue. I pray others are able to find it at their Whole Foods or CVS. It really helps. And is safe, non addictive and holistic.

  17. #17
    Little_blue is offline Junior Member
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    Ya I've only see others talk about the leg cramp one. Ya if it helps my husband with all his stuff then it should work for anyone

  18. #18
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Hey all. I haven't been able to find the nerve tonic anywhere. It's available online. But obviously doesn't help me right now. Not really sure what's going on with me. This weekend is tough. I'm not sure if it's because Im not able to stay as busy as I normally would when I'm at work or what the deal is. And it's so frigging hot here thay it's dangerous to spend too much time outside which is what I find to be most helpful for me. I've been trying to get up and clean and do little things here and there. But I'm tired. Haven't been able to sleep more than 2 hours here and there. Every 2 hours or so I wake up and am awake long enough to not be able to get back to sleep. I guess that's just pregnancy for you anyways.

    Anyways, I'm going to try yo get.up and stay busy or do something. Sadly, I really just want drugs. But. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired of doing it. So frigging tired.

    Hope everyone is well.

  19. #19
    Little_blue is offline Junior Member
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    Hey where I live Wal-Mart was the only store I could find the nerve tonic at and Walgreens was the only store that had the hylands calmforte. There's been A lot of people that swear by this stuff called st johns wort help with depression but also for A lot of other stuff. Ya we have a heat advisory out.. And since I work monday-friday and off every weekend I gotta stay busy on the weekends or I'll start to feel bad and get really tired but wnt be able to sleep my body jerks and jump and I hate that. My legs are the worse at it too. I draw sometimes also and wrote poems. Writing poems does help. Keep your head girly. We can do this.

  20. #20
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Dear Mommytobe,

    You can't take St. John's Wart without telling OB. It is amazing but you must let them know.

    Do you have a Whole Foods near you? I found. nerve tonic there. There has to be something similar out there. I will google!

    I know you want the pills. We all do! You aren't alone. It is poison. It is destructive and you have made it this far without them. Hang in there Momma, you are doing so well!

    I listened to NPR today. A man was speaking about some cancer he has. His pain and struggled with pills. He, too, writes poetry. He said it's something you write in a selfless manner. He mentioned that you write it to be read by others unlike other forms of writing.

    My poems would be angry. Lol! But hey, I may have a haiku up my sleeve.

    Little Blue, you are doing awesome!

    Keep writing and know how proud we are of you!

    Stormy

  21. #21
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    I had heard about not being able to gale st. Johns wort while pregnant. Today has been.....tough to say the least. The whole weekend was tough actually, trying to stay busy, trying to keep my mind busy and my body moving. But with it being so damn hot....it didn't work that well.

    Yestersay I was so tired and exhausted. My mom gave me a couple muscle relaxers (knowing they are safe during this time in pregnancy) and so I took one last night. I also took my hylands restful legs. I was able to sleep for a couple hours before waking up. I remember getting up, sitting on the side of the bed and instead of getting I just sat there and then laid back down. Slept for another hour before I had to use the restroom. That was about 11pm and I slept from then unail about 4. So tired today. Really weak.

    Feels like day 1 or 2 again. Here's to hoping tomorrow is better.

  22. #22
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommytobeofone View Post
    I had heard about not being able to gale st. Johns wort while pregnant. Today has been.....tough to say the least. The whole weekend was tough actually, trying to stay busy, trying to keep my mind busy and my body moving. But with it being so damn hot....it didn't work that well.

    Yestersay I was so tired and exhausted. My mom gave me a couple muscle relaxers (knowing they are safe during this time in pregnancy) and so I took one last night. I also took my hylands restful legs. I was able to sleep for a couple hours before waking up. I remember getting up, sitting on the side of the bed and instead of getting I just sat there and then laid back down. Slept for another hour before I had to use the restroom. That was about 11pm and I slept from then unail about 4. So tired today. Really weak.

    Feels like day 1 or 2 again. Here's to hoping tomorrow is better.
    You are doing amazing! Some days are easier than others. Keep us in the loop! You aren't alone. Today sucks... But it doesn't mean a pill. I'm So proud of you! Rest. If you need rest, rest. Don't over commit or even psyche yourself out to do anything other than feed, bathe, and take care of necessities.

    I'm cheering you on! You are amazing in my humble opinion!

  23. #23
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    smilingstorm:

    Thank you so much. i really needed to see that today. Been having a bummy kind of day. I have just accepted that Im going to be tired from here on out and the "bummies" will get better....in time.

    Im definitely still taking it a little bit at a time. Im just so sleepy and tired. Im hoping tonight I will just be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. The good thing is is that last night and this AM my anxiety levels (the shaking and trembling) were much lower. Now all I have to combat is the weak legs and the cravings

    Hope everyone is doing well!!!!

  24. #24
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommytobeofone View Post
    smilingstorm:

    Thank you so much. i really needed to see that today. Been having a bummy kind of day. I have just accepted that Im going to be tired from here on out and the "bummies" will get better....in time.

    Im definitely still taking it a little bit at a time. Im just so sleepy and tired. Im hoping tonight I will just be able to fall asleep and stay asleep. The good thing is is that last night and this AM my anxiety levels (the shaking and trembling) were much lower. Now all I have to combat is the weak legs and the cravings

    Hope everyone is doing well!!!!
    So happy to read your post. Pregnancy on top of all of this... Has got to be tiring! The anxiety does move out slowly. I pray, the tide is changing in your favor. I will tell you something and I mean it sincerely.. Don't start to get relaxed on vitamins, good foods and hydration. When I got lax in those areas, I felt the consequence. Do your best to remember to take care of you. At any cost. It will keep it all moving forward. We don't need to look back.. We aren't heading that way! Staying focused on the healthy, holistic not only makes you feel better.. But it also helps the mindset. You continue to impress me. Keep going, mamma! I admire you!

  25. #25
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Another day down. Today the cravings were higher than theyve been in a few days. I am not sure if it is because im over the physical part and have been doing good for a couple days that I have it stuck in my head like "oh, im good. I can get a couple and be fine." But I know in my heart of hearts I wont be fine. And its not just ME. Its her too. and I cant do it to her again. So again, back to one minute at a time, one hour, one day.

    Onto the next.

  26. #26
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mommytobeofone View Post
    Another day down. Today the cravings were higher than theyve been in a few days. I am not sure if it is because im over the physical part and have been doing good for a couple days that I have it stuck in my head like "oh, im good. I can get a couple and be fine." But I know in my heart of hearts I wont be fine. And its not just ME. Its her too. and I cant do it to her again. So again, back to one minute at a time, one hour, one day.

    Onto the next.
    Always Remember - "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"

  27. #27
    mommytobeofone is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricky71 View Post
    Always Remember - "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"
    Thats the DAMN TRUTH Ricky71!

  28. #28
    Smilingstorm is offline Senior Member
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    Stopping in to say hi! Had you on my heart.

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