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Relapsed
  1. #1
    kandy91 is offline New Member
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    Nov 2016
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    Unhappy Relapsed

    Hello every one here is my story
    I abused Norco for about 2 years then went on suboxone for about 4 years. I tapered all the way down to .06mg of suboxone. I was off 30 days and free of any withdrawal symptoms and so proud of myself.Then I did something really stupid, I took 20mg of Norco.then 3 days later I took 30 mg 1 time per day for 3 days in a row.I then I took 2 days off and did it 1 more day.It was always 24 hours between doses as well as those days in between. Its been 24 hours and other than feeling a little dizzy and depressed I am wondering if I am going to have any hardcore withdrawals?I have to go to work so that's why I wonder.I thought that after about 24 hours the withdrawals from short acting meds like norco really hit hard but I cant remember.I am going to go to an N.A meeting for the first time tonight but I am just so disappointed in myself.I cant do this anymore.
    Any support and help will be helpful.How do I find one of those sponsor people?Do they wear name tags or something?
    Kandy
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  2. #2
    hanker is offline Junior Member
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    Nov 2016
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    25

    Default Push Thru, Friend

    I know you might be hating yourself. If you're going to a meeting tonite I think that's a very good step in the right direction. And I'm not an AA/NA fan, but it's still a concrete action you are choosing to make, and that's good for you.

    It scares the hellfire out of me to hear that you had 30 days off sobox. I'm on day 9 and in the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno. The ease with which I could go right back to the life of opiates I've always known is terrifying.

    Tell me how things are going, ok?

    Hanker

  3. #3
    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kandy91 View Post
    Hello every one here is my story
    I abused Norco for about 2 years then went on suboxone for about 4 years. I tapered all the way down to .06mg of suboxone. I was off 30 days and free of any withdrawal symptoms and so proud of myself.Then I did something really stupid, I took 20mg of Norco.then 3 days later I took 30 mg 1 time per day for 3 days in a row.I then I took 2 days off and did it 1 more day.It was always 24 hours between doses as well as those days in between. Its been 24 hours and other than feeling a little dizzy and depressed I am wondering if I am going to have any hardcore withdrawals?I have to go to work so that's why I wonder.I thought that after about 24 hours the withdrawals from short acting meds like norco really hit hard but I cant remember.I am going to go to an N.A meeting for the first time tonight but I am just so disappointed in myself.I cant do this anymore.
    Any support and help will be helpful.How do I find one of those sponsor people?Do they wear name tags or something?
    Kandy
    Welcome Kandy,

    I'm glad that you caught this early before you got totally out of control. You learned an important lesson and recovery is all about lessons. This could have been much, much worse than it is. I don't think that you'll have any horrible physical symptoms but instead you'll likely have all that awful mental turmoil. Disappointment, some self-loathing and yes, the depression. Going to a meeting is a really good idea and absolutely will help. It's incredible how quickly we can succumb to all that mental turmoil. That is exactly the cause of most of my relapses--I'd find myself asking, "What's the use?". It's so hard to stop once you pick up that one stupid pill but you did. Use that very thing to motivate yourself. You made a mistake but recognized it and didn't go to the "What's the use?" place. Instead you did exactly what you should have done. You quit and we around here always say to never quit quitting. Good for you.

    No. Sponsors don't wear name tags. Try to arrive at the meeting 10 or 15 minutes early and hopefully, there will be someone there who will welcome you and strike up a bit of conversation. Let that person know that you're new and need a sponsor and if that person isn't ready or can't be your sponsor, I'm sure they'll introduce you to others who might be able to help you with that. If no one approaches you, even though it may feel uncomfortable, talk to someone. A good way to meet someone before the meeting is to offer to help set up, make coffee or to stay behind after the meeting and help to clean up. Whether you speak to the group at the meeting is entirely up to you. Maybe you won't know anyone there and sometimes others are just trying to respect your right to just listen if that's what you want to do. They won't know if you've been attending meetings elsewhere and trying a new one or if you've just moved to the area, etc. It may be up to you to reach out so find an opportunity to do that one on one before the meeting begins or after its finished. Sometimes the first meeting you go to doesn't always work out. That's OK. Don't give up and find another one and go to that one and keep doing that until you find one that is a fit for you. You'll hear a lot about God and a Higher Power. That turns some people off and they feel like religion is being pushed down their throat. Don't let that get in your way. Maybe your Higher Power IS God but maybe it's nature or something else. It's not that important who or what is your Higher Power so long as you have one. Your sponsor will help you work the Steps and figure things out. Speaking of which, take your time choosing your sponsor (not too long ). He/she will become very important so choose one that you are able to connect with and are comfortable with enough to trust.

    You are on the right track. #1, you recognized early on that you were headed back to the dark side and #2, you learned that you don't have to white knuckle recovery. There's help and support for you just for asking. Keep posting here too on your own thread to vent or to journal and on the threads of others to give your support. On sleepless nights or when I had my phone in my hand ready to make that call, I'd get on my computer and read sometimes for hours. I'm not sure I would have made it without this Forum. It was my safe place 24/7 where I'd come when I didn't know where to put myself to get out of my own way. It's amazing that by just doing that, whatever anxiety I was experiencing or if I was dealing with cravings, if I just gave it a little time it would pass. Keeping my mind busy and occupied got me through it. Sometimes it only took a few minutes but other times it took longer. Establish your support system and use it! Recovery is just too hard to do alone and why even try when support is your's just for asking.

    Good luck and post, post, post! Let us know how your meeting goes.

    Peace,

    Cat
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  4. #4
    kandy91 is offline New Member
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    Nov 2016
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    Default

    Thank you all so much for your kind responses. I guess I am terrified of having withdrawals again and that's actually causing a lot of the mental issues for me. Its been so long since I have been on this ride I dont really remember when or if withdrawals start after using like I did.The suboxone withdrawal a few weeks ago really wasn't to bad, it just lasted kind of a long time,a few weeks.I dont really understand how the brain works. I have heard some people say that if you were an opiate addict and you relapse the withdrawals are terrible and happen more quickly than a normal person but I dont know why or if its true.This reminds me of why I continued to use in the past, fear of withdrawals.Its such an evil drug.If I remember correctly they usually start withing about 12 hours when your hooked, and I am at 24 hours and feel kind of weird but ok.Maybe the days in between and only using once a day helped?
    I do believe in god so its not going to turn me off.In fact I have gotten really involved at church in the last few years and have been doing so well.
    I am going to go to the meeting early like you suggested and just feel it out. If I dont like it i will just find another one like you mentioned.
    I appreciate any and all responses so I can get through this.It was stupid to think I could just use once.
    Kandy

  5. #5
    Ricky71 is offline Platinum Member
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kandy91 View Post
    Thank you all so much for your kind responses. I guess I am terrified of having withdrawals again and that's actually causing a lot of the mental issues for me. Its been so long since I have been on this ride I dont really remember when or if withdrawals start after using like I did.The suboxone withdrawal a few weeks ago really wasn't to bad, it just lasted kind of a long time,a few weeks.I dont really understand how the brain works. I have heard some people say that if you were an opiate addict and you relapse the withdrawals are terrible and happen more quickly than a normal person but I dont know why or if its true.This reminds me of why I continued to use in the past, fear of withdrawals.Its such an evil drug.If I remember correctly they usually start withing about 12 hours when your hooked, and I am at 24 hours and feel kind of weird but ok.Maybe the days in between and only using once a day helped?
    I do believe in god so its not going to turn me off.In fact I have gotten really involved at church in the last few years and have been doing so well.
    I am going to go to the meeting early like you suggested and just feel it out. If I dont like it i will just find another one like you mentioned.
    I appreciate any and all responses so I can get through this.It was stupid to think I could just use once.
    Kandy
    Kandy - like Cat said, you are very fortunate to catch this relapse early before it gets way out of hand! STOP now, do not take anymore pills!

    From what you said your recent use was I highly doubt that you will have any significant withdrawal symptoms if any at all?

    Did you go to a meeting? Give us an update when you can? Take care... God bless us all!

    PS
    "One pill is too many and a thousand pills will never be enough"

  6. #6
    kandy91 is offline New Member
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    Nov 2016
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    Default

    Hi everyone.

    I went to meeting and had a good time. i dint get a sponsor yet though I need to go to more meetings to understand it better.
    I did end up having withdrawals, but they are a little different than hardcore withdrawals. Its kind of like a hangover I guess.That sort of weird out of it/dizzy feeling with that feeling in your stomach that happens right before you see a car accident. No RLS though and I am sleeping fine (actually sleeping more because I am pretty tired) It seems like the day after use (24 hours to 36) is the worst then it starts to subside a little into the mental stuff. where your brain tried to trick you into using.
    I just had to pray to god to just get me through. I know he doesn't want me to use and I also know he has a plan for my life.He is all about love and forgiveness, like a really good dad.I almost used again today but Just prayed and so far I am fine.
    Its so weird I dont ever remember that happening before after just a few uses.I guess it could because I came off suboxone so recently.

    I wanted to mention that one thing I learned is that using sucks.It really just sucks. I am not in the same place mentally like I was when I used before, with all the pain and hurt. And it makes it so much more obvious that using does feel good for about 6/8 hours. Then the world is just grey for 3 days after. Music doesn't sound good, that natural high from working out isn't there. Its just no fun. a 6 hour high isn't worth 3/4 days of >>>>.Maybe god wanted me to learn this.Even while I was high the most recent time, all I could think about is "I only gave it 48 hours in between my binge, am I going to have Withdrawals" So it didn't even really feel THAT good.Its a trap guys. Its not as good as our mind makes it seem beforehand.
    Anyway sorry for rambling
    Kandy

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