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Started sub induction and still feeling bad. Plz help
  1. #61
    Starz3 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars! Hope you are feeling better today. Are you a nurse too? I remember you saying something. I dont know how you do it but i guess being busy takes your mind off your symptoms but you are a trooper!!!!
    I am day 1 at 0.375. Slept 8 hrs with my sleep aid so i know the body was ready to drop. I took an extra day on 0.5.
    My lower back ache is constant; i pray its just the w/d. 7 years ago i had setious back problems that even physio could not fix, then i got pregnant with my daughter and a miracle happened; my disks slipped into place. But it feels like that now. Its not bad enough to take any pain relief but its constant and goinv into my hip bones from right flank :/
    My RAS (arms) is acting up this morning. I feel intense overwhelming anxiety which totally takes over at times. It comes in waves. I dont wanna rush the process but this sucks so badly. I havent been to the gym in a while. I have no energy, physically or mentally but i know that pushing myself will create endorphins....
    When do the body aches subside and go away? Anxiety??? This is normal right???
    Been drinking a TON of water, headaches come n go.
    NEVER AGAIN WILL I GO THROUGH THIS HELL
    Julz
    Ugh~sorry you're feeling so bad! I hate the anxiety~the mental symptoms are the worst! I decided to stay at .25 today again. I'm in no rush and was having some cravings so I just think I need to stay here today. Tmrw I'll try to go down and see! I'm actually an X-ray technologist. A care giver all the way. I cleared off the treadmill and will get on there tonight. It's got to help like you said with the endorphins! About the body aches~I had them terribly when I first started on the subs. I think they went away when I was tapering down to about 2mg? I really can't complain about the taper so far~the insomnia and hot flashes being the worst of it. I'm feeling stable on the .25 so I know I could go down but the cravings of course had me worried!! I know it's time to find a meeting. I'm thinking I should maybe stay at this dose until I do! I'm out here rooting for you~we've got this! But have to listen to our bodies, right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Ugh~sorry you're feeling so bad! I hate the anxiety~the mental symptoms are the worst! I decided to stay at .25 today again. I'm in no rush and was having some cravings so I just think I need to stay here today. Tmrw I'll try to go down and see! I'm actually an X-ray technologist. A care giver all the way. I cleared off the treadmill and will get on there tonight. It's got to help like you said with the endorphins! About the body aches~I had them terribly when I first started on the subs. I think they went away when I was tapering down to about 2mg? I really can't complain about the taper so far~the insomnia and hot flashes being the worst of it. I'm feeling stable on the .25 so I know I could go down but the cravings of course had me worried!! I know it's time to find a meeting. I'm thinking I should maybe stay at this dose until I do! I'm out here rooting for you~we've got this! But have to listen to our bodies, right?
    I hope you made the jump woman!! you can do it!!!!
    I am day 1 on 0.125. I actually went from 0.375 for 4 days which was a bit rough but 4th day I felt fine so I tapered on the 5th day to 0.25. first day I was irritable and tired and anxious but the second day I felt fine. like nothing happened so I decided to taper on the 3rd day today to 0.125. I have a graduation ceremony and a wedding on the weekend so I wiil stay there or maybe even be at 0 on Saturday at the wedding. I will listen to the bodys signals and follow it.
    I feel okay. I have been studying for my exam for hours daily!! I wrote my first jurensprudence, legality exam yesterday 150 questions in 2 hours. my head was exploding but im okay.
    I am grateful for this forum and the continued support. I feel like I can do this and have gods strength behind me. I must say you cannot do it on your own and be successful for any eriod of time without believing in something greater than yourself. when you truly surrender, you feel the infinite love that is always inside of us. the drugs and alcohol were all a part of our quest to find our true nature and to escape the past. its time to let go and be free.
    if anyone reading this is a newbie or just starting up, I am doing alright and feel strong enough to offer some guidance as I did this more than once but last time I did not make it past 1.5 mg. im at 0.125!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    wow. I cannot believe it. it is hard, and a long road but in the end I barely feel w/d; mostly its my mind playing tricks on me. the physical is bearable. I feel happy. energetic, inspired and im not even at 0. I must say that my sex drive kinda kicked in for like 2 weeks at 2-1 mg drops but then it just withered away lol. its okay. the body and mind are healing and getting used to being chemical free. its a liberating feeling after 5 years of back and forth lies, using, pain and hurt.
    I wish you all a great day and stars** I hope me and you can finish the line together!!!!!
    julz

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    Still out here thinking of you!! How are you doing? I'm on Day 2 of .187. Didn't sleep a lot last night. Gong to the bathroom lots! Otherwise hanging in there. Post an update when you can!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    I hope you made the jump woman!! you can do it!!!!
    I am day 1 on 0.125. I actually went from 0.375 for 4 days which was a bit rough but 4th day I felt fine so I tapered on the 5th day to 0.25. first day I was irritable and tired and anxious but the second day I felt fine. like nothing happened so I decided to taper on the 3rd day today to 0.125. I have a graduation ceremony and a wedding on the weekend so I wiil stay there or maybe even be at 0 on Saturday at the wedding. I will listen to the bodys signals and follow it.
    I feel okay. I have been studying for my exam for hours daily!! I wrote my first jurensprudence, legality exam yesterday 150 questions in 2 hours. my head was exploding but im okay.
    I am grateful for this forum and the continued support. I feel like I can do this and have gods strength behind me. I must say you cannot do it on your own and be successful for any eriod of time without believing in something greater than yourself. when you truly surrender, you feel the infinite love that is always inside of us. the drugs and alcohol were all a part of our quest to find our true nature and to escape the past. its time to let go and be free.
    if anyone reading this is a newbie or just starting up, I am doing alright and feel strong enough to offer some guidance as I did this more than once but last time I did not make it past 1.5 mg. im at 0.125!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    wow. I cannot believe it. it is hard, and a long road but in the end I barely feel w/d; mostly its my mind playing tricks on me. the physical is bearable. I feel happy. energetic, inspired and im not even at 0. I must say that my sex drive kinda kicked in for like 2 weeks at 2-1 mg drops but then it just withered away lol. its okay. the body and mind are healing and getting used to being chemical free. its a liberating feeling after 5 years of back and forth lies, using, pain and hurt.
    I wish you all a great day and stars** I hope me and you can finish the line together!!!!!
    julz
    Oh Julz! I didn't see this when I posted yesterday for some reason?? I woke up it's 1:00 am here. I'm going to try to go back to sleep! I'll post more tmrw! I'm soooo glad you're doing so well! Yes maybe we can finish together!! Hugs!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Oh Julz! I didn't see this when I posted yesterday for some reason?? I woke up it's 1:00 am here. I'm going to try to go back to sleep! I'll post more tmrw! I'm soooo glad you're doing so well! Yes maybe we can finish together!! Hugs!
    Hey stars! I was up at 1am too this morning. I guess we are more alike lol day 2 on 0.125. Its a bit more uncomfortable at night and morning as i have body aches a bit of anxiety and back ache. I guess its because it was a 50% drop but the numbers are so small its gonna be okay. Hope you git back to sleep and doing well. My nursing graduation ceremony is today. So excited. Have a wonderful day!
    Julz

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    Day 3 on 0.125. Yesterday was my graduation so i managed to survive but i was so anxious. The pit of my stomach is curled into a knot. I dont feel good. Especially today. I could barely fall asleep, had diarrhea and cramps and overall tingling in my arms almost unbareable. Since im day 3 should it not get better, or is it tomorrow? I dont feel good. Is this normal? Pretty intense for such a low dose. I need to study and be a mom but i cant even lie in bed /fall asleep. Im so anxious and i dont know why. Its overwhelming

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    I feel so bad im having cravings. Its no good. I dont feel good at all. The anxiety is so strong i cannot center and meditate. Its overwhelming. What can i do to calm down and take it easy????

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    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hey Rice crispy, Sorry to hear your not feeling good. So take a deep breath. Take it one minute at a time. Do something you enjoy, Occupy your thoughts with something positive... Just know it's all part of the process this to shall pass. Stay Strong for Today..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    I feel so bad im having cravings. Its no good. I dont feel good at all. The anxiety is so strong i cannot center and meditate. Its overwhelming. What can i do to calm down and take it easy????
    Ohhhh congratulations on your graduation!! That's soooo awesome! And you got through it! I'm not feeling great either so we really are in this together!! Not sleeping great but I got a few hours~a little tiny bit of that restless body creeping in. I've had a sore throat the last two days and I'm starting my work week tonight. I'm not sure if it's something we should do but I've drunk kava tea in the past which is good for calming?? You can get the Yogi brand at Target. Maybe someone else has thoughts on that? Hang in there~I'm out here in the same boat! I wish there was a way to private message~there isn't is there?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    I feel so bad im having cravings. Its no good. I dont feel good at all. The anxiety is so strong i cannot center and meditate. Its overwhelming. What can i do to calm down and take it easy????
    Dsh wrote this on jft's page not long ago~I think it applies to us at such low doses too!
    Your body does strange things throughout the day after the jump, as it tries to get your various neurotransmitters back in balance once the opiates are taken away. You can have anxiety one hour, and then feel fine the next. I too noticed a morning anxiety feeling. Your body is stressed right now, a stress hormone called cortisol is released in response to that. Your cortisol levels are highest in the mornings. When docs check cortisol, they always check an AM cortisol level. That is likely why you feel bad in the mornings. Not uncommon at all. It will pass.
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-09-2017 at 07:15 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Day 3 on 0.125. Yesterday was my graduation so i managed to survive but i was so anxious. The pit of my stomach is curled into a knot. I dont feel good. Especially today. I could barely fall asleep, had diarrhea and cramps and overall tingling in my arms almost unbareable. Since im day 3 should it not get better, or is it tomorrow? I dont feel good. Is this normal? Pretty intense for such a low dose. I need to study and be a mom but i cant even lie in bed /fall asleep. Im so anxious and i dont know why. Its overwhelming
    You are nearing the end and sometimes the final reductions can be the most difficult. Stay stubborn and get through another day or two and you should begin to feel better. Once you do, you should be ready to jump or do a couple of skip days that hopefully will make your landing just a little softer. The good news is that you are nearly ready for your final jump. Very exciting but scary at the same time.

    Good luck. Your new life is waiting for you and you'll be starting off on the right foot--clean and sober. Very exciting!

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    I feel so bad im having cravings. Its no good. I dont feel good at all. The anxiety is so strong i cannot center and meditate. Its overwhelming. What can i do to calm down and take it easy????
    Do you take L tyrosine? I took some awhile ago and it seems to have helped a lot! Can you get through it? Take a sliver if you have to!! That's ok to do. Maybe your pieces aren't cut exactly even?
    Last edited by Anonymous; 06-09-2017 at 02:09 PM.

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    Default Where are you!!

    Where'd you go??

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Where'd you go??
    Hey stars!
    Im not proud of my recent choices but i relapsed last week friday and it stretched until today. I still took my sub daily, as i was not planning to keep relapsing but it snowballed fast.
    I took 0.25 today and it was not enough. I will try 0.375 or even 0.5 and slow it down. I got overwhelmed with my debt thats surmounting, taper, finances and busy crazy life and made a BAD choice i regret. I didnt even want it, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion, without stopping it or getting out of the way. A terrible experience. I fully take responsibility for my choices and choose to move forward and not drown in sorrowcand guilt!!

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    Happens to the best of us!! I missed you~keep up the fight xo. I was worried maybe that's what happened because you were having such a hard time last week. I relapsed while on sub also so there's that! We're all in this together. Lately I've wondered if staying in the sub for longer is such a bad idea? I don't have time to have the "lead suit" feeling and I would hate to relapse again. Diabetics take insulin every day to treat their disease. We have a disease and relapse is a very real part of it. My physician said I can stay on it as long as I want. So there's that, too!

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    Feeling really under the weather. The happy receptors that were released during my week binge are so out of wack. Feel tired, disappointed, lifeless, and life a soulless body. Im disappointed most that i was day 3 on 0.125 and i buckled. Now im back on 1mg and starting over with the taper. I have not meditated daily, i have neglected my self care daily routine right before i slipped. This will be my warning sign in the futire. My hubbie has been so supportive and have not made my slip 100x worse as he usually would in the past. My own guilt and shame is evident maybe thats why he has been so kind and supportive. I am so lucky to have my family. Not many people have the support system i have and i am grateful for that. Im sure im not the only one who slipped during the taper so if there is any advice from anyone how to move forward and go about dosing/tapering i would appreciate it.
    Julz

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Feeling really under the weather. The happy receptors that were released during my week binge are so out of wack. Feel tired, disappointed, lifeless, and life a soulless body. Im disappointed most that i was day 3 on 0.125 and i buckled. Now im back on 1mg and starting over with the taper. I have not meditated daily, i have neglected my self care daily routine right before i slipped. This will be my warning sign in the futire. My hubbie has been so supportive and have not made my slip 100x worse as he usually would in the past. My own guilt and shame is evident maybe thats why he has been so kind and supportive. I am so lucky to have my family. Not many people have the support system i have and i am grateful for that. Im sure im not the only one who slipped during the taper so if there is any advice from anyone how to move forward and go about dosing/tapering i would appreciate it.
    Julz
    How are you doing Julz?!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    How are you doing Julz?!
    Hey stars!
    Im okay. Down to 0.675 today. As with my relapse i had to go back up to 1mg. I have my exam this thursday so ive been studying my butt off. Ill b honest i got frustrated posting here because in the beginning i had so much support, ppl were posting, encouraging etc. And then everyone disappeared. And i post and post and needdd support, asked wuestions and no one responded. I guess ppl dont like reading that i relapsed but hey its reality. It happens. Im back on track but ppl judge and maybd think its a waste of time to post and reply on my page so i got tired of writing....... this time i reduced the taper to less than 25% every 3 days or so. From 1 to 0.875 to 0.75 to 0.675. Im taking smaller strides to reduce the w/d as much as possible. I will have my 3 kids fulltime with me this friday for the whole summer so i cant b out of comission evdn a bit so im taking it easy. Still feeling muscld aches late at night, early morning b4 i dose.
    How r u? I posted on your forum and have not heard back..... what dose r u on? How r u doing? I feel likd you are my only support left that checks in.
    Julz
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars!
    Im okay. Down to 0.675 today. As with my relapse i had to go back up to 1mg. I have my exam this thursday so ive been studying my butt off. Ill b honest i got frustrated posting here because in the beginning i had so much support, ppl were posting, encouraging etc. And then everyone disappeared. And i post and post and needdd support, asked wuestions and no one responded. I guess ppl dont like reading that i relapsed but hey its reality. It happens. Im back on track but ppl judge and maybd think its a waste of time to post and reply on my page so i got tired of writing....... this time i reduced the taper to less than 25% every 3 days or so. From 1 to 0.875 to 0.75 to 0.675. Im taking smaller strides to reduce the w/d as much as possible. I will have my 3 kids fulltime with me this friday for the whole summer so i cant b out of comission evdn a bit so im taking it easy. Still feeling muscld aches late at night, early morning b4 i dose.
    How r u? I posted on your forum and have not heard back..... what dose r u on? How r u doing? I feel likd you are my only support left that checks in.
    Julz

    I know how you feel Julz! I'm new to this forum & I've posted a bit and figured out most ppl like to read but don't comment on what you have to say or respond much to questions or concerns...But I've appreciated reading ppl's stories myself. I've been like you! Up & down & all around. Don't give up.. I'm on subs now too. I'm on day 3 with 4 mg suboxone a day. I try to start out as low as possible & get off as soon as possible. But I've also gone back to narcotics again & again. I need to stay away for good. But it's so difficult because I deal with so much pain. I have several disorders & migraines. When I'm in terrible pain I don't care. I just want relief. It's a long road but I'm getting strength from this site & ppl like you!! So thank you for continuing to post. I'm interested & reading. I don't have a lot to offer but my spirit of never giving up no matter how down I am. I'm like Sue on "the Middle" LOL You'd crack up if you ever saw that show. Keep going!! If you go up on the suboxone & need to stay there a couple days..so be it. It is what it is. Then tomorrow is another to fight. Keep posting too!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars!
    Im okay. Down to 0.675 today. As with my relapse i had to go back up to 1mg. I have my exam this thursday so ive been studying my butt off. Ill b honest i got frustrated posting here because in the beginning i had so much support, ppl were posting, encouraging etc. And then everyone disappeared. And i post and post and needdd support, asked wuestions and no one responded. I guess ppl dont like reading that i relapsed but hey its reality. It happens. Im back on track but ppl judge and maybd think its a waste of time to post and reply on my page so i got tired of writing....... this time i reduced the taper to less than 25% every 3 days or so. From 1 to 0.875 to 0.75 to 0.675. Im taking smaller strides to reduce the w/d as much as possible. I will have my 3 kids fulltime with me this friday for the whole summer so i cant b out of comission evdn a bit so im taking it easy. Still feeling muscld aches late at night, early morning b4 i dose.
    How r u? I posted on your forum and have not heard back..... what dose r u on? How r u doing? I feel likd you are my only support left that checks in.
    Julz
    I've noticed that too! Not that I've posted a lot on my thread! I'm glad you're doing better. I'm feeling pretty good where I'm at on the .25 and wonder if it's such a bad thing to stay on a low dose?? I'm just in no hurry to get off like I was at first. I have pain too and I know the subs help. Maybe it's because I haven't committed to meetings. I wonder if that would make me want to make the jump? Hang in there! I wonder how jft is doing? I check her thread periodically and haven't seen any updates? Hopefully that means she's doing well! I'm here for you and will check on you daily if you want to post!! Hugsx
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    Catrina is offline Diamond Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars!
    Im okay. Down to 0.675 today. As with my relapse i had to go back up to 1mg. I have my exam this thursday so ive been studying my butt off. Ill b honest i got frustrated posting here because in the beginning i had so much support, ppl were posting, encouraging etc. And then everyone disappeared. And i post and post and needdd support, asked wuestions and no one responded. I guess ppl dont like reading that i relapsed but hey its reality. It happens. Im back on track but ppl judge and maybd think its a waste of time to post and reply on my page so i got tired of writing....... this time i reduced the taper to less than 25% every 3 days or so. From 1 to 0.875 to 0.75 to 0.675. Im taking smaller strides to reduce the w/d as much as possible. I will have my 3 kids fulltime with me this friday for the whole summer so i cant b out of comission evdn a bit so im taking it easy. Still feeling muscld aches late at night, early morning b4 i dose.
    How r u? I posted on your forum and have not heard back..... what dose r u on? How r u doing? I feel likd you are my only support left that checks in.
    Julz
    Hi!

    This makes me feel badly! I'm so sorry that you haven't been getting the support that had you become a member here in the first place. I've been around here for a long time so I do know and understand how it makes you feel when you begin to rely on folks around here to just check in with you and for them to update about how they're doing. It's a good thing when we buddy up but it is a let down when it begins to slow. Then there are people who we begin to truly care about and one day they just up and disappear all together. I found this devastating but a member long ago told me that this happens all of the time and we just have to believe that they are doing well and they just don't need this Forum anymore.

    Nonetheless, I certainly understand how you're feeling and I'm sorry you are feeling a little abandoned. No excuses, but I have really fallen off and haven't been posting as much as I usually do for the past maybe six months. Sometimes life gets in the way. Keep posting! You're doing fantastic and you'll have this behind you in no time.

    Peace,

    Cat

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    Quote Originally Posted by Autumnhopes View Post
    I know how you feel Julz! I'm new to this forum & I've posted a bit and figured out most ppl like to read but don't comment on what you have to say or respond much to questions or concerns...But I've appreciated reading ppl's stories myself. I've been like you! Up & down & all around. Don't give up.. I'm on subs now too. I'm on day 3 with 4 mg suboxone a day. I try to start out as low as possible & get off as soon as possible. But I've also gone back to narcotics again & again. I need to stay away for good. But it's so difficult because I deal with so much pain. I have several disorders & migraines. When I'm in terrible pain I don't care. I just want relief. It's a long road but I'm getting strength from this site & ppl like you!! So thank you for continuing to post. I'm interested & reading. I don't have a lot to offer but my spirit of never giving up no matter how down I am. I'm like Sue on "the Middle" LOL You'd crack up if you ever saw that show. Keep going!! If you go up on the suboxone & need to stay there a couple days..so be it. It is what it is. Then tomorrow is another to fight. Keep posting too!!
    Hey autumn!
    Thanks for reading my thread and posting! Im at 0.75 today feeling pretty crummy. Problem is that i am not with a sub dr. I stashed like 20 back when i was going and did this whole taper on my own. My clinic gets you to 1mg or 0.5 at most and then you are on your own.
    I dont have the luxury of just staying where i need to be...... it kinda has to happen asap or i will have to go back to a clinic which is nor an oprion. I write my nursing board exam in 2 days; thursday is the day, then i take the summer off with my kids to just get off n be normal then get a job in emerg and be NORMAL. W/e the heck that is......
    Ill keep posting
    Julz
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    I've noticed that too! Not that I've posted a lot on my thread! I'm glad you're doing better. I'm feeling pretty good where I'm at on the .25 and wonder if it's such a bad thing to stay on a low dose?? I'm just in no hurry to get off like I was at first. I have pain too and I know the subs help. Maybe it's because I haven't committed to meetings. I wonder if that would make me want to make the jump? Hang in there! I wonder how jft is doing? I check her thread periodically and haven't seen any updates? Hopefully that means she's doing well! I'm here for you and will check on you daily if you want to post!! Hugsx
    Hey stars! I really dont think that if you need a low dose to try and get off asap. Some ppl need that little extra something to give them assurance. No hurry. When you are ready you will do it!! I dono its been tough. I like the feeling of not being myself and thats the main problem. I need to figure out who i am and to statt loving that person unconditionally. I dont and thats where my troubles start.....
    Do what works for you dear! Were in this together. What country r u from? Im in canada
    Julz

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    Lvg nghtmare is offline Platinum Member
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    Hello Rice crispy, I feel awful to that you feel alone and abandoned here. Sometimes a post will just go by without being noticed. Keep posting once, twice as many times til you get a response... Lord knows I kept posting whining and complaining... we are all here to support you... Your doing amazing.. Proud of You.. Stay Strong for Today...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Catrina View Post
    Hi!

    This makes me feel badly! I'm so sorry that you haven't been getting the support that had you become a member here in the first place. I've been around here for a long time so I do know and understand how it makes you feel when you begin to rely on folks around here to just check in with you and for them to update about how they're doing. It's a good thing when we buddy up but it is a let down when it begins to slow. Then there are people who we begin to truly care about and one day they just up and disappear all together. I found this devastating but a member long ago told me that this happens all of the time and we just have to believe that they are doing well and they just don't need this Forum anymore.

    Nonetheless, I certainly understand how you're feeling and I'm sorry you are feeling a little abandoned. No excuses, but I have really fallen off and haven't been posting as much as I usually do for the past maybe six months. Sometimes life gets in the way. Keep posting! You're doing fantastic and you'll have this behind you in no time.

    Peace,

    Cat
    Hey cat!
    Thank for replying! God knows its rare these days lol. How are you doing yourself? How long have you been clean and how was the taper/jump for you? Did you taper every 4 days or less or more? I find that i was so close to the finish line so now that i relapsed and went back up i find i am punishing myself and tspering quicker than usual; every 2-3 days and feeling like a s s. I guess the self sabotage and self punisher is at large again. I feel guilty and ghat i should have all this behind me..... i write a big exam tomorrow and am real anxious about it. Its 6hrs long and i should b fedling okay..... tomorrow is day 3 on 0.75.
    How are you???
    Julz

  26. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lvg nghtmare View Post
    Hello Rice crispy, I feel awful to that you feel alone and abandoned here. Sometimes a post will just go by without being noticed. Keep posting once, twice as many times til you get a response... Lord knows I kept posting whining and complaining... we are all here to support you... Your doing amazing.. Proud of You.. Stay Strong for Today...
    Hey lvg!
    I dont feel like i am doing well. I keep feeling shame n guilt over my relapse and coparing where i am at again to where i could be. I guess i was scared of actuslly being free..... isnt that crazy? Like thats where i am headed and thats what i want but when i almost got it i buckled...... its weird....... i need to find a replacement to keep my crazy mind occupied and out of trouble. I dont have any close friends that do drugs which is a blessing that i dont have to cut anyone out except my own selfish mind........
    I guess i have nof been trolling the forum trying to help anyone out myself so its kinda selfish to expect something without giving it myself eyy?
    Ill try and post for a newbie as often as i can after my exam. We are truly all in this together and i know it takes a toll when you get attached to users and they off and disappear...... it hurts and we ferl blame but i am back and at em' for my kids, hubbie, my career and all my future patients who will be loved, respected, and treated with kindness and compassion!
    Thanks for checking in! I appreciate it!!
    Julz

  27. #87
    Autumnhopes is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey lvg!
    I dont feel like i am doing well. I keep feeling shame n guilt over my relapse and coparing where i am at again to where i could be. I guess i was scared of actuslly being free..... isnt that crazy? Like thats where i am headed and thats what i want but when i almost got it i buckled...... its weird....... i need to find a replacement to keep my crazy mind occupied and out of trouble. I dont have any close friends that do drugs which is a blessing that i dont have to cut anyone out except my own selfish mind........
    I guess i have nof been trolling the forum trying to help anyone out myself so its kinda selfish to expect something without giving it myself eyy?
    Ill try and post for a newbie as often as i can after my exam. We are truly all in this together and i know it takes a toll when you get attached to users and they off and disappear...... it hurts and we ferl blame but i am back and at em' for my kids, hubbie, my career and all my future patients who will be loved, respected, and treated with kindness and compassion!
    Thanks for checking in! I appreciate it!!
    Julz
    No Julz I understand.. I want to be free but I'm scared when I get off the subs. I also don't have any friends that take drugs & my hubby is very good to me. But,,, my crazy selfish mind, I get it. I'm used to having that up & im looking to take something to give me that upper feeling. I need to find something to replace with or I'll go right back. Some vitamins or jelly beans (like my grandfather popping jelly beans after he quit smoking) lol I need to think on this one! Any thoughts Julz or anyone please jump in! & Tomorrow you are going to do amazing on your test!! Keep telling yourself that! Because u will look at far u have come. We all slip up but tomorrow is another day, u can do what u need to today & prepare for tomorrow. Keep repeating to yourself, look at yourself in mirror (sounds silly) but isn't. See the beautiful person u are. U will crush the test tomorrow, you have studied. You are ready!! Don't ever give up because of a little slip up, that's why we're all here to lift each other up!

  28. #88
    Starz3 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ricecrispy1111 View Post
    Hey stars! I really dont think that if you need a low dose to try and get off asap. Some ppl need that little extra something to give them assurance. No hurry. When you are ready you will do it!! I dono its been tough. I like the feeling of not being myself and thats the main problem. I need to figure out who i am and to statt loving that person unconditionally. I dont and thats where my troubles start.....
    Do what works for you dear! Were in this together. What country r u from? Im in canada
    Julz
    Good morning sweet girl! That makes me sad that you don't love yourself~where does that come from? It seems when we, who have a disease of the pleasure center of our brain, finally feel good~"normal" on opioids~we struggle with who we are without them again! I think that's where treatment and/or NA become really a great resource to us. To learn from others like us how to live without the substances. Have you gone? I went over 2 years ago to rehab and it was wonderful. I wish I had the luxury of going back. But I feel like I'm okay where I am at this moment doing what I'm doing. I know I need to make the next step and find a meeting but for some reason haven't done that yet. Is your husband being supportive still? That helps too! I believe we are strong and can do this but not alone! Thinking of you today! I'm in the US!
    Autumnhopes likes this.

  29. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by Autumnhopes View Post
    No Julz I understand.. I want to be free but I'm scared when I get off the subs. I also don't have any friends that take drugs & my hubby is very good to me. But,,, my crazy selfish mind, I get it. I'm used to having that up & im looking to take something to give me that upper feeling. I need to find something to replace with or I'll go right back. Some vitamins or jelly beans (like my grandfather popping jelly beans after he quit smoking) lol I need to think on this one! Any thoughts Julz or anyone please jump in! & Tomorrow you are going to do amazing on your test!! Keep telling yourself that! Because u will look at far u have come. We all slip up but tomorrow is another day, u can do what u need to today & prepare for tomorrow. Keep repeating to yourself, look at yourself in mirror (sounds silly) but isn't. See the beautiful person u are. U will crush the test tomorrow, you have studied. You are ready!! Don't ever give up because of a little slip up, that's why we're all here to lift each other up!
    Agh..... the fear is so real eyy. I take L-tyrosine 2500mg in morning and a protein shake with other vitamins like vit b-100, vit D 4000mg (great for depression) but i dono just feels like something is missing and it doesnt help to know im on my own with my 3 little ones from friday morning...... they r off school for summer and i must do this taper to be clean before i start working in september. I dont want to be dependent on anything. I want to be the real me, the one who was full of energy and life before this all crashed on me; or i crashed on it lol
    K i gotta study, as i find myself procrastinating here n there, finding things to do..... struggle is >>>>>>.
    I started a juice cleanse with a gentle colon vleanse like 6 days ago and i find that i have struggle first 2 days with my sppetite and headaches but its been gone since. I struggle to eat at all which contributes to my anxiety and feeling off* need to remind myself to eat here n there to just stay strong; feel so weak too. I def like to overload my plate ALL THE TIME. but i still manage to survive n do well. Thank for the positivity. I will kick the butt off that exam tomorrow snd will become an RN. THen i will conquer the beast and see you all on the other side. Keep rocking it yourself!!!
    Btw r u going to a clinic? Do you have you weekly carries? How does it work shere you are?
    Julz
    Autumnhopes likes this.

  30. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starz3 View Post
    Good morning sweet girl! That makes me sad that you don't love yourself~where does that come from? It seems when we, who have a disease of the pleasure center of our brain, finally feel good~"normal" on opioids~we struggle with who we are without them again! I think that's where treatment and/or NA become really a great resource to us. To learn from others like us how to live without the substances. Have you gone? I went over 2 years ago to rehab and it was wonderful. I wish I had the luxury of going back. But I feel like I'm okay where I am at this moment doing what I'm doing. I know I need to make the next step and find a meeting but for some reason haven't done that yet. Is your husband being supportive still? That helps too! I believe we are strong and can do this but not alone! Thinking of you today! I'm in the US!
    Hey stars!!!
    Ive always wanted to work in the US but dur to having a large family and my parents being close its not a possibility for the near future. I havent found a meeting yet. Dono why.... i keep finding excuses not to go but i know im ready. Soon? I did rehab with detox 2 years ago too haha. Were so alike! I loved it and did meetings after but then relapsed, got pregnant snd went the methadone toute to preserve my pregnancy (had 3 >>>>>>>>s during use due to inanility to stop using).
    I guess i carry a lot of guilt and shame from the past and it goes back to being a child and molested few times and being overweight and teased by brother snd mom. I have a complex case i need to work on but yeah i take selfies and delete all the time. Im never pleased with the 'look' i see but thats where my challenge comes in. Looking in the mirror and' fake it till you make it' attitude saying 'am am beautiful and i love myself'. Like i said b4 i have neglected self care which lead to the slide...... i need a substitute...... a hobby, a proper face to face support group. Im leaving to the cottage for the summer with my 3 kids so it will b challenging going to meetings but i will do my best.
    I do believe that we are doing the best with what we have in the moment. ALWAYS.
    Sending you love and support on this beautiful sunny day. (Hope its sunny where you are too)
    Tomorrow is a big day. I will rock it

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